If You Don't Expect Too Much From Me, You Might Not Be Let Down

The first time Dwight Gooden let me down I was 8 years old. He missed the 1986 World Series victory parade and subsequently got suspended for the first two months of the 1987 season.
30 years later, he's still a disappointment.

I signed Chase up for a pitching clinic with Dwight Gooden. It was supposed to be one hour of instruction, and one hour of meet and greet.

Gooden never showed up. We got a refund and since we were there anyway, their instructors worked with the kids, so Chase got some free pitching lessons.

And he also got a life lesson, if you don't expect too much from people, you might not be let down.

Circle the 6 Differences Between These Two Pictures

Chase was a little version of daddy. Nine years later, Lincoln wore the same shirt. See if you can spot the other differences in these pictures?

Note: don't really, do that, I'm only kidding. There's a million of them.

Who Looks Like Whom?

Chase on the left, Julian in the middle and Lincoln on the right. All pictures from 3-5 days after birth.

The Gnome Knows

I went to two Mets games last August and I learned something important at each:
On August 2nd, I learned that Julian loved Thor aka Noah Syndergaard.
On August 29th, I learned that if you wanted to get a promotional giveaway you need to get there early, or spend a lot of money to buy it on eBay.

As soon as we heard the Mets were giving away Noah Syndergaard-en Gnomes, we got our tickets.
We gave them the tickets for the 8th night of Hanukkah, so they had been looking forward to it almost as long, and perhaps much more excitedly, than to the arrival of their new brother.

Unfortunately, for the second straight time, a game I looked forward to all winter, became an inconvenience when the time was changed, this time from 7pm to 4pm.
That caused Mrs. Poop to have to miss the communion of her friend's daughter, Chase to miss the second tryout for travel baseball and it came into conflict with the final hours of Passover.

To avoid the traffic, parking fiasco of last year's Jesse Orosco bobblehead day, we left our house 4 hours and 20 minutes before game time.

We arrived at 12:15 for a 4:05 start, and had one hour and 50 minutes until the gates opened. We sat in the car, walked around the parking lot and got on line at the left field gate at 12:45. That's when a man came by and said this gate opens half an hour later than the main gate by Jackie Robinson Rotunda. Gnomes would still be given away, but we'd have half an hour less inside the stadium. So we relocated. At 1:05 PM, a full hour before the gates opened, the lines were so long that I almost doubted whether we would be among the first 15,000 to get them.

We did and the kids loved them.

Because our seats were in left field we watched batting practice along the wall on the Giants side of the field. Relief pitcher Derek Law made two enemies for life by not tossing the ball in his glove into the crowd.

Mrs. Poop was a trouper, toughing it out, from a seated position, at 36 weeks pregnant.

The game started off well, as the Mets scored 2 each in the first and second innings, but then deGrom game up 3 runs to make it close.

But Chase's burgeoning favorite Met (Michael Conforto) homered in the 5th, and Julian's favorite Met (Wilmer Flores -- they share a birthday and a tendency to cry on the field) homered in the 6th and the bullpen held on for a 6-5 win.

The enduring memory of this game will be the gnomes.

I offered the kids to keep one for their room, one in its box in the basement as a collectible, and sell the other 2 (they consistently sell for $80-$100 on eBay) but they the gnomes are way too cool to sell.

Note: One guy was walking the concourse before the game with a $10 bill offering to pay cash for the gnomes. People were laughing in his face.

Every Kid Deserves a Favorite Player

The best part about being a kid who loves sports is picking a favorite player.
I picked Kirby Puckett. The Concierge picked Latrell Sprewell and Vin Baker.
Chase has picked Stephen Curry.
We started to watch and like the Warriors last season, but all that has accelerated since we got a basketball hoop over the summer (and Chase spent a lot of time practicing his shot -- though he still can't make many on 10-foot rims) and the Warriors started their amazing run at the Bulls 72-10 NBA record.

We read articles about the Warriors and about Curry. Chase really liked the one comparing Curry to a ballet dancer.
He got a Curry jersey shirt for Hanukkah, which may set off a civil war in our house.

We were so excited when the Warriors decided to name their new arena after him.

When he had to a book report on a biography, Steph Curry was his first choice. When Mrs. Poop expressed skepticism, he said he would do Draymond Green instead.
We did find a book on Curry and he is reading it now and telling me all about Dell Curry's childhood.
And of course, we record late night games that are on TV and watch them the next day.
So it was that we were running around the living room, shouting at 10am on a Sunday morning after Curry drilled an amazing 38-footer in overtime to beat the Thunder.



Of course there is a danger, especially in this day and age of letting a kid fall so deeply in love with a player.
That player could end up on drugs, or on the front page of the paper for beating his wife.
But with Curry so far the worst thing he did was shimmy in front of the Hawks bench (which I showed Chase and told him not to emulate).

But perhaps the biggest reason Chase likes Curry is because of their size. They're both usually the smallest players on the floor.

But maybe with hard work Chase can learn to dribble, pass and even shoot like Steph Curry.

And that's why kids need heroes.

The Moment You've All Been Waiting For

Diesel in Maine in 2007:



Diesel in Maine in 2008:


Diesel in Maine in 2009:


Diesel in Maine in 2010:


Diesel in Maine in 2011:

Diesel in Maine in 2012

Diesel in Maine in 2013

Diesel in Maine in 2014:

Diesel in Maine in 2015:

What Do You Give Me For? Chase and Leon Spinks

Chase got head-butted by Diesel jarring out what was already a very loose front tooth. That image, along with the hooded sweatshirt he was wearing called to mind this famous picture.

The Disney Reveal

We sprung a trip to Disney on Chase and Julian right after we got home from trick or treating on Halloween.



So the reaction was very underwhelming to me. Chase reacted just as I thought he would, but I expected Julian to jump and yell like he did in the famous anywhere chair video

How Tall This Fall

2014:

2013:

2012:

2011:



2010:



2009:



2008:



2007:

Contrasting Styles

Chase and Julian have the same parents. They have grown up in the same house with the same rules. Yet somehow nature and nurture have turned them into two completely different kids.
Chase is shier, eager to please and sensitive. Julian is a bull who doesn't give a fuck.
Chase is quiet, Julian is loud.
Chase has brown hair and brown eyes. Julian is blonde with blue eyes.
Chase is small (though this is a more recent development), Julian is a giant among 4-year olds.
When Chase falls down (such as on the way to the school dance) he cries for a long time (30 minutes in the school dance incident). When Julian falls down, he says "I'm ok" before he even hits the ground. Once he said "I'm ok" before assessing the situation, and after a few seconds of silence he realized that he wasn't ok, and he started to cry.

Mrs. Poop gave them pennies to throw into a fountain. Later they told us what they wished for. Chase wished for a modest $28 toy. Julian wished that there would be no more rules.

In one incident Julian got his finger stuck under the booster seat attached to his chair. He very calmly told me his finger was stuck. Too calmly. I didn't act with necessary urgency. When I got his finger unstuck and he saw it was cut and red, he cried hysterically. Chase gave him a toy to make him feel better.

My favorite story about Chase's easy-going nature is from Tali's birthday party several years ago. A man was giving the kids temporary tattoos. Each time he warned the children that the water would be very cold. Chase replied "I love cold water." Now, I'm not saying Juju would have decked the guy, but he certainly wouldn't have been as accepting of freezing cold water on his arm.

I could go on forever about the differences between them (which in general are great, I am glad they are unique and distinct individuals) but I think I will leave it here.

This is a picture of Chase being scared on a roller-coaster.

And this is a picture of Julian being scared on a roller-coaster.

A Few Random Thoughts

I figuratively cut the cheese while literally cutting the cheese. Strange but true.

I was taking Chase to the bathroom before his tae kwon do banquet started. One of his friends wanted to come with us. But he was with his mom and she told him he had to go to the ladies' room with her, I almost said "don't worry, I'll watch him" but thankfully I stopped myself.

At the same tae kwon do banquet, there was a self-defense demonstration. One man in a blue ghi fended off four "attackers" wearing black. Julian screamed out "he killed all the black guys."

If there are too many female main characters in TV, movies and books could you call that a "heroine overdose?"

Lolo Jones got kicked off "Dancing with the Stars" before she could completely disprove the stereotype that all black people are good dancers.

Words Mrs. Poop never thought she would have to say: "don't pee on your brother!" She did have to say them. But she was too late.

The Most Interesting Telephone Pole in the World

Diesel in Maine in 2007:



Diesel in Maine in 2008:


Diesel in Maine in 2009:


Diesel in Maine in 2010:


Diesel in Maine in 2011:

Diesel in Maine in 2012

Diesel in Maine in 2013

Diesel in Maine in 2014:

They're Haunting My Dreams! Who? The Libyans!!!!!!!!!!

When the Lego Delorean came out last year I knew I wanted it, I mean I knew Chase wanted it, but I decided I had to watch the movie with him first so he could really understand and appreciate it.
The problem was finding the time. Since Julian doesn't nap anymore it's very hard to get 2 hours without him.
My day off on Martin Luther King Day, and Chase's strep throat (they both had school) gave us the opportunity.
He really liked the movie, and though he had difficulty following at times, I explained some things and he asked some questions so he did understand what happened.

A few funny points:

1) We talked about the bad language and after it was over he told me Marty said "o-s-h-i-t" and he heard a couple of "stu words" but he hasn't repeated them.
2) I told him not to hold onto a car while skateboarding, because it wasn't safe in real life. He said "if it's not real why didn't the inventor guy just put rockets on his skateboard?"
3) Later we tried to get him to explain the plot to Mrs. Poop (just to see what he retained) and he started with "the inventor had so many clocks, but they were wrong so the kid was late to school." When we told him to skip ahead a little he said "the kid saw himself and the inventor guy got shot, but he was wearing a bullet proof vest. Then he made the car fly."
4) He said "I don't like Biff, cuz he's mean and he's a bully."

Also the movie provided us a good opportunity to talk about self-confidence and doing anything you can set your mind to. Though I hope he doesn't go around punching people to boost his self-confidence and launch a class president campaign.

There was one drawback though. The night we saw the movie Chase came down about 30 minutes after he went to bed (which is 29 minutes after he normally falls asleep) and said he couldn't sleep because he was having nightmares about the Libyans, and he wanted to know if they were real. The next day he was still concerned so I explained the Libyans were only mad at Doc because he cheated them. That's why he shot them.

Now that we got that squared away it was time to build.
This was actually one of the most complicated, difficult builds we've ever done. Lots of tiny little pieces and very few traditional Lego bricks.

Including a flux capacitor. Or a flex capacitator as Chase called it.

The awesome license plate, OUTATIME.

And an accurate Doc and Marty. He even has the life vest. Dork thinks he's gonna drown.

But the finished product looks awesome.

When Your Kids Hand You Broken Crayons, Make Awesome Ones

Crayons break, that's just a sad fact of life. And when they are just little nubs they are very hard to color with. But instead of throwing them away I decided to melt them down and make new ones.

Here's how to be the coolest dad/mom on the block:

1) take a bunch of broken crayons

of the same color, or you can use different colors if you want to bring the funk to your kids' drawings

2) cut them into little tiny pieces

You can use a regular kitchen knife, the crayons bits will wash right out

3) Put the little bits in cans

I used soda cans, but tin cans from vegetables or soup work much better because you can see and stir your mixture to make sure it's liquid and uniform throughout

4) Melt them in the oven, depending on how many crayons you have this could take 15 minutes, or 30. You'll want to check and stir. I used 225 degrees, I'm sure you could go a little hotter, but 225 seemed right.

5) Pour them into molds. I used cheap plastic candy molds, because they are cheap. Let them harden for 15 minutes, less if you put them in the fridge. Julian did not have patience for this step and got covered in orange goo.

The other school of thought here is to go with silicone molds, so you don't have to pour the crayons (you do lose some in the transfer process), they'll melt in the shape you want them, but silicone molds that could withstand the temperatures of the oven were too expensive for this project.

We did some awesome Halloween shapes.

Note: the little stick on the bottom of my fingers is for where you would put the stick if you were making a lollipop. Some extra melted crayon oozed into that canyon. I wanted to break them off but the kids insisted I keep them and they actually made good points for coloring.

They color just like regular crayons.

The long, skinny shapes are the best, but they do tend to break. But when they do, you can just cut them up and make more crayons.