Something That Really Cooks

Chuck Berry, who has died aged 90, was rock’n’roll’s first guitar hero and poet. Never wild, but always savvy, Berry helped define the music. His material fused insistent tunes with highly distinctive lyrics that celebrated with deft wit and loving detail the glories of 1950s US teen consumerism.

He is survived by his wife, Themetta “Toddy” Suggs, whom he married in 1948, four children, Ingrid, Chuck junior, Aloha and Melody and cousin Marvin.

Daniel Was The Real Bully

I have seen "The Karate Kid" many times, and like you, I always hate sympathy for Daniel LaRusso (played by Ralph Macchio) because I thought he was harassed, bullied and physically assaulted by the evil Johnny (Billy Zabka).
Turns out I had incredibly misinterpreted what really went on:



And they didn't even mention that Daniel kicked Johnny in the face, in clear violation of the rules of the tournament.

If you like looking differently at movies you thought you knew, check out this trailer for the Shining.

Billy is Furious

I got an anxious text from Billy yesterday asking what the hell is wrong with Blake Griffin.

From Rolling Stone:
Los Angeles Clippers star Blake Griffin and Black-ish creator Kenya Barris have teamed to remake the 1992 basketball buddy comedy "White Men Can't Jump."

Mike and Tony on PTI had some good lines including "why would I watch this, when I could just watch that one?"

And "this is the stupidest thing Blake Griffin has ever done, including punching the equipment manager."

I wondered who would play the Rosie Perez character, Sofia Vergara?

I think it's a comment on Hollywood that they have run out of good ideas, but also about those millennials. They don't want to watch a movie from 1992. It's not even in HD.

But remember how you were in 1992? Would you have wanted to watch a movie from 1967?

Please Disperse

I know people died in this fire at a fireworks market in Mexico



but I can't help but laugh because the video reminds me so much of this scene from "The Naked Gun."

Mets Sign Tim Tebow

The Mets signed Tim Tebow to a minor league contract in a completely irrelevant, inconsequential and strictly PR move.
He will never make the major league roster and it would be a shock if he was even good enough this year and in the Arizona Fall League, to get a spring training invite.
That is unless, of course, he gets help hitting a curveball.



"Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball.
Let's not start a holy war Harris."

There's Some People Even 300 Pounds of Weight Loss Can't Help

Actor Ron Lester died after suffering liver and kidney failure.
Lester became famous as the 500-pound offensive lineman, Billy Bob, in "Varsity Blues."

But as I reported in 2008, Lester had bariatric surgery and lost roughly 300 pounds.

But perhaps the damage was done. Poor Billy Bob.

Tom Hanks is Obtuse

A few months ago in response to Joni Mitchell's "Big Yellow Taxi" (SOTW, 2/24/16), JLeary pointed out a previously unknown to me line from "You've Got Mail." Tom Hanks's character says "I could never be with someone who likes Joni Mitchell."



He goes on to quote from one of Mitchell's other big hits "Both Sides Now." He said "it's clouds illusions I recall, I really don't know clouds at all." And then he goes on to ponder whether it's a metaphor for something.

Before I go on, I should say that this is the only (I think) song that has been SOTW twice, once for the Neil Diamond version (SOTW, 12/27/06) and again for Canadian Cutie Carley Rae Jepsen's rendition (SOTW, 3/18/15).

Now back to the clouds. It's not a metaphor. She looks at clouds and sees all kind of neat shapes. Then she looks at them again and ponders their role in weather and how it disrupts her life. But when she thinks back on clouds, she recalls the illusions, the angel hair and feather canyons.

She goes on to take the same incisive view of life and love, noting that like clouds, both have good sides, fun dreamy sides, but also a negative side.

And after all that thinking, she really doesn't know clouds, life or love, at all.

Thoughts on the Force Awakens

Do not read this if you haven't seen it but want to.

I liked the movie, but didn't love it. If I had to give it a grade I would give an A-, maybe a B+.

A couple of issues:
I thought Finn was too jokey. He wasn't wise-cracking like Han Solo. Just a little annoying, and didn't provide comic relief, just disrupted the tension.
I hate, hate HATE when a show or a movie seemingly kills off a character, the other characters believe he's dead, and then he comes riding in when he's needed most, as happened with Poe Dameron. It's intellectually lazy movie-making.

But my main issue is I felt that not enough was made of The Force. What has always separated Star Wars from other science fiction or action movies is they actually had a fascinating plot point. The Force, the good and evil inside all of us. Do you give in to your negative feelings, fear and anger, or do you let the good in you shine through. There were opportunities to do so here, they just passed on them.

Problems that in retrospect weren't really problems:
1) The movie was too derivative of the originals. Yes, a droid containing a crucial piece of information is being pursued across the galaxy by evil people and good people have to see that it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, culminating in the destruction of the super weapon. How many Death Star and Death Star-ish things can they possibly build.



Yes, but...if they had completely abandoned the earlier movies I would have been even angrier. I know there's some middle ground there but probably a very thin target to hit.

2) It was too predictable. As the movie wore on you knew Kylo Ren was the son of Han and Leia and you got a pretty good idea that he was going to kill Han. You knew they were going to blow up the Death Star and you knew they were going to find Luke.

Yes, but...if they had a serious of ridiculous plot twists I would have been even angrier.

In summary, it was a good movie. I really liked it. There were some chill-inducing scenes. The special effects looked great. It is one of the few movies I really think does need to be viewed on the big screen. I think they have set up the next movie to be phenomenal. It can leave behind the past and blaze its own trail. Is Rey Kylo's sister? Is she Obi-Juan's descendant? Will Luke train her, and a new order of Jedi Knights? Will Kylo Ren be redeemed in the end as was Darth Vader.

I can't wait to find out.

But the boys certainly seemed to like it:

Tomorrow's Newspaper Today

Today is the day I've been waiting for, for 30 years. Ever since Doc told Marty where we're going we don't roads, and that he was going 30 years into the future because it's a nice round number.

Now that the day is finally here, let's look at the newspaper from that day:

Ok, so the Cubs will not be sweeping the World Series in 5 games, and hopefully not winning at all.
And I don't have the hoverboard I was promised.
And you can't rehydrate a pizza.
But I did think this was pretty cool. The device that took Griff's picture on the steps is pretty similar to what a drone is in the real 2015.

As we pass this momentous date in history, we are reminded now that even the future is history, now.

Have You Ever Loved Something This Much?

Through various TV shows and stuff Jules has become quite interested in Star Wars and I showed them "A New Hope" and they loved it.
Since then, the countdown has been on for the new movie.

I took the kids to a special Star Wars event at the Disney Store. It was quite cool. The taught the kids to use Jedi Mind tricks to trick a storm trooper, and eventually they received the Medal of Bravery from the Galactic Republic.

Note: I did my parental duty and reminded them of the racial injustice that denied Chewbacca his rightful medal.

After that, they learned to draw R2-D2 (neither of them follows in my artistic footsteps) and were given a cardboard 3-d puzzle of Artoo (which was very difficult to put together).

It was quite cool to be let into the mall an hour early for this special event (mainly because we got a good parking spot), but the real goal was to get the big shoppers into the store.

Ever since we saw the first trailer for "The Force Awakens" Julian loved BB-8, the roly poly new droid, though he kept calling him "BBQ."
He said he liked him "because he's cute like me!"

So I bought him a stuffed action figure, and bought Chase the figurine set.

And for the rest of the day he carried around this little BB-8 everywhere saying "I'm obsessed with him."

And then when Mrs. Poop went to check on him during the night, this is what she saw.

I wish I could get back to those innocent days of childhood when a ten dollar toy provided so much joy and happiness that I couldn't bear to be away from it, not even for a second, not even while sleeping.

Incidentally the other BB-8 we saw while we were in the store was fuckin awesome.

It's very similar to a remote control car, except you use an app through your phone to move it around the house. And it does cool things like create a map of your house based on things it runs into, including you. And it can even play messages hologram style, I think.

Read the review to understand more.

Only problems: it costs $150, and Julian would want to sleep with it in his bed.

I'd Buy It And Invite Johnny Fontaine Over

The house that served as Don Corleone's home in "The Godfather" is for sale.
The house is located at 110 Longfellow Rd in the Emerson Hill section of Staten Island.
The outside was used for the wedding scenes at the beginning of the movie. They didn't shoot in the interior of the house, but the home owners renovated it to replicate the rooms in the movie.
It is list for $2.895 million.

What Do You Give Me For? Frankie Carbone and Louie from "The Simpsons"

What do you give me for Frankie Carbone and Louie from "The Simpsons?"
Actor Frank Sivero is suing the creators of the "The Simpsons" for $250M saying Louie is based on his character from "Goodfellas."
Sivero says in 1989 he lived in the same apartment complex as some of the writers for the show. During this time he developed the character of Frankie Carbone. He says he told the writers about his character and that they based "Louie" on Carbone.
Louie first appeared in 1991 and has had 15 appearances in total, including as recently as April 2014.

Finally, Another Movie That Lives Up To Its Name

Here's the trailer for "Dumb and Dumber To" due out in November.



It doesn't look as funny as the original (how could it?) and I don't have high hopes, but I'm certainly willing to give it a chance.

A Threat to JLeary's Throne

Jleary is well known for being the undisputed undefeated king of movie lines. But in about 20 years, with continued study, hard work and perseverance this kid may be able to take Jleary down.

)

Ok, so it's cute, a 4-year-old memorizing every word to Jack Nicholson's famous speech in "A Few Good Men" and for added comic value he's reciting it while in the bath and playing with his ding-a-ling.
But obviously the kid didn't choose this movie, it's very questionably appropriate for a child that young so it makes me wonder how this came to be.
I just have to assume the parents had this idea for a youtube video and forced their son to learn it, withholding his cookies until he memorized the soliloquy.
That kind of ruins the cuteness of this for me.

They're Haunting My Dreams! Who? The Libyans!!!!!!!!!!

When the Lego Delorean came out last year I knew I wanted it, I mean I knew Chase wanted it, but I decided I had to watch the movie with him first so he could really understand and appreciate it.
The problem was finding the time. Since Julian doesn't nap anymore it's very hard to get 2 hours without him.
My day off on Martin Luther King Day, and Chase's strep throat (they both had school) gave us the opportunity.
He really liked the movie, and though he had difficulty following at times, I explained some things and he asked some questions so he did understand what happened.

A few funny points:

1) We talked about the bad language and after it was over he told me Marty said "o-s-h-i-t" and he heard a couple of "stu words" but he hasn't repeated them.
2) I told him not to hold onto a car while skateboarding, because it wasn't safe in real life. He said "if it's not real why didn't the inventor guy just put rockets on his skateboard?"
3) Later we tried to get him to explain the plot to Mrs. Poop (just to see what he retained) and he started with "the inventor had so many clocks, but they were wrong so the kid was late to school." When we told him to skip ahead a little he said "the kid saw himself and the inventor guy got shot, but he was wearing a bullet proof vest. Then he made the car fly."
4) He said "I don't like Biff, cuz he's mean and he's a bully."

Also the movie provided us a good opportunity to talk about self-confidence and doing anything you can set your mind to. Though I hope he doesn't go around punching people to boost his self-confidence and launch a class president campaign.

There was one drawback though. The night we saw the movie Chase came down about 30 minutes after he went to bed (which is 29 minutes after he normally falls asleep) and said he couldn't sleep because he was having nightmares about the Libyans, and he wanted to know if they were real. The next day he was still concerned so I explained the Libyans were only mad at Doc because he cheated them. That's why he shot them.

Now that we got that squared away it was time to build.
This was actually one of the most complicated, difficult builds we've ever done. Lots of tiny little pieces and very few traditional Lego bricks.

Including a flux capacitor. Or a flex capacitator as Chase called it.

The awesome license plate, OUTATIME.

And an accurate Doc and Marty. He even has the life vest. Dork thinks he's gonna drown.

But the finished product looks awesome.

Reason I Love Mrs. Poop #415,782

Knowing my love of melting crayons and making new ones, Mrs. Poop bought me a new mold, lips and mustaches.

That would have been enough (dayenu), but when she gave it to me she called it "lips and assholes," a reference to a classic movie line.

Let's Remember to Take Him On All Family Trips

A while back Mrs. Poop let Chase watch "Home Alone" for the first time. And the worst thing that happened was he came back saying "hell" as in "why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?"



Other than that, we thought it was mostly harmless fun, until I read this article which asked a doctor diagnose the injuries Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern) would have sustained had those attacks been real.

For instance, getting smashed in the face with an iron could "fracture the bones surrounding the eyes. This is also known as a 'blowout fracture,' and can lead to serious disfigurement and debilitating double vision if not repaired properly."

How about walking barefoot on Christmas ornaments?

"Walking on ornaments seems pretty insignificant compared to everything else...If I [were] Marv, I'd be more concerned about my facial fractures."

And then there's Joe Pesci who touched a burning doorknob.

If this doorknob is glowing visibly red in the dark, it has been heated to about 751 degrees Fahrenheit, and Harry gives it a nice, strong, one- to two-second grip. By comparison, one second of contact with 155 degree water is enough to cause third degree burns. The temperature of that doorknob is not quite hot enough to cause Harry's hand to burst into flames, but it is not that far off... Assuming Harry doesn't lose the hand completely, he will almost certainly have other serious complications, including a high risk for infection and 'contracture' in which resulting scar tissue seriously limits the flexibility and movement of the hand, rendering it less than 100 percent useful. Kevin has moved from 'defending his house' into sheer malice, in my opinion."

And my personal favorite, the blowtorch to the scalp.

Harry has an interesting reaction to having a lit blowtorch aimed directly at his scalp. Rather than remove himself from danger, he keeps the top of his skull directly in the line of fire for about seven seconds. What was likely a simple second-degree skin burn is now a full thickness burn likely to cause necrosis of the calavarium (skull bone)." That means the skin and bone tissue on Harry's skull will be so damaged and rotted that his skull bone is essentially dying and will likely require a transplant.

On second thought, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to show Chase this movie.

Chase Really Wants This

Maybe the coolest product ever goes on sale today.

I'm not sure if I have the entire story correct but it seems there is a site where you make your own original Lego creations, and if enough people like it (10,000) Lego will review it and potentially start selling as a boxed set. And the designer gets 1% of the net sales, which may seem small but it really doesn't take a genius to figure out how cool the DeLorean will be. In this case the designer is going to donate his cut to the Michael J Fox Foundation. Obviously Lego needed to strike a licensing deal with the owners of the rights to Back to the Future, but with that out of the way how long before we see another Back to the Future themed set on display in my living room.

Save the clock tower!

Note: It may be a few weeks before Lego stores actually have it. But it should be on sale in time for Chase's birthday, because like I said, he really wants this.

What Do You Give Me For? Magic Johnson's Gay Son, EJ and Roz from Monster's University

What do you give me for Magic Johnson's Gay Son, EJ and Roz from Monster's University?

Everything's Funnier as a Cartoon

The creators of the Simpsons recently came out with a spoof of the famous "Breaking Bad" montage where Walt cooks meth,counts his money and generally gets his own meth operation running, while "Crystal Blue Persuasian" by Tommy James and the Shondells plays.



Separately, in a new episode of Phineas and Ferb the boys are tricked into switching brains with alien inmates at an intergalactic prison. Their entire escape (the entire episode really) is an homage to Shawshank Redemption.