One-Point-Nine Million Dollars to See Bea Arthur Naked

An anonymous buyer paid $1.9M for this painting of Bea Arthur. Dorothy Zbornak did not pose for this nude, the image comes solely from the mind of artist John Currin who painted it in 1991.



Click here to see the NOT SAFE FOR WORK version of Bea Arthur Nude

Millions of Kids Love These, Yours Will Too

1 billion youtube hits for videos like Psy's "Gangnam Style" and Justin Bieber's "Baby" sounds believable, considering those artists have huge promotional machines behind them. But nothing can explain the popularity of these videos, except that kids like to watch the same things over and over, and parents are happy to put their kids in front of the computer for a few minutes of peace and quiet.

Here they are, four inexplicably popular youtube videos for kids.

The Gummy Bear Song - 325 million (but there are probably another 325 million views for different languages of this idiotic song)



Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - 234 million (the song is a classic, the video is cool, but not cool enough to explain these hits)



The Lion Sleeps Tonight featuring the Happy Hippo and Stan - 27 million (this one I actually understand, the song is a classic and easy to understand and the dog's dance moves make kids laugh)

Note: the most popular version is not available for embed, but even the backup version has 8 million views.



The Duck Song - 130 million (this is one we love, funny and silly and unique and creative. It even spawned 2 more Duck songs)

Funny or Douchey?

Randomly inserted in 2012 Bowman boxes were 10 golden contracts, entitling the signee to a $500 signing bonus, a Yu Darvish autographed baseball and a chance at the grand prize, your own card in the 2013 Bowman set. The winner is a card shop owner from Las Vegas named Marcel Bilak.



Is Bilak's double thumbs up pose funny or douchey?



They are doing this again this year, except there are 25 contracts, no signing bonus and a 4%, instead of 10% chance of getting your own card. There's only one of these contracts on eBay, listed for $1500, but I think $300-$400 is a more realistic value.

I think if I got my own card I would try to grow my hair out and recreate this Oscar Gamble 1976 Topps card.



Or maybe I can piss off Mrs. Poop and recreate Glenn Hubbard's 1984 Fleer card



Maybe I could have Chase and Julian chase me like Steve Finley did in his 2002 Fleer Ultra



Probably the best thing would be to recreate the famous 1989 Bill Ripken Fleer, but instead of Fuck Face I could write Poop on the knob on the bat.



True story: I gave Mrs. Poop that card for Mother's Day and told her I wanted to give her a gift that would always remind her of me, every time she looked at it.

I Met Joe

I've been reading a lot of reviews on the season finale of "How I Met Your Mother" most of them were negative, implying the reveal wasn't dramatic enough or my mother wasn't shocking enough ("I waited 8 years for that" was the general sentiment). I just kind of wrote those negative Nellies off as the cynics who troll the internet without ever saying anything nice. I was happy to read an article on the New York Post that was a little more favorable, and like me, hopeful about what will transpire in the final season.

But I was unhappy to read what the Post titled the post.



"How I met yo mama!!!!!!!"

The Post has since changed it to simply what the article was headlined, which is standard for pretty much every other newspaper site. I'm not exactly sure how a mistake like this happened but my internet experts say there was probably an internal line where the writer used this flippant shorthand to title the story, and it accidentally got copied and pasted into something that would be made public.

Not a big deal, actually kind of funny, and the kind of stuff only the Poop notices, and only the Poop brings to you, my loyal Poopheads.

Song of the Week

"Chloe (You're The One I Want)" - Emblem3
These guys put One Direction to shame. I wish my name were Chloe.

I Have Met My Mother

Her name is Cristin Milloti, and she is my mother. Finally, on the finale of the 8th season of "How I Met Your Mother" they revealed the titular "mother."
She was carrying the yellow umbrella and wearing the cute boots that Lilly is going to borrow because they are the same size. And I am assured that this is not a pump fake, this is really her.



I really liked this episode in its entirety even before the reveal. The stuff with Ted still being in love with Robin is a bit much. Barney and Robin trying to break up that couple was quite funny (yes that was Penny from "Happy Endings"). And although the Marshall judge thing was totally unrealistic, I do understand they are trying to set up some major tension between Marshall and Lily for the 9th and final season.

I think there is plenty of material for a very strong final season. There are a lot of loose ends that could be tied up as well as enough fun stuff to do with the courtship (I'm assuming they will jam pack next season so that it ends with the wedding, or better yet the birth of the kids, or better yet until the day he is telling them the story). It should be a great final season to bring a show that started off as a 10, and fell to a six, back up to its rightful perch.

But for now the big question is, who do the kids resemble most?

A New Reason to Visit Mama Poop

Staten Island just got a little more enticing. A new Buffalo Wild Wings opened on Richmond Avenue right near the location of the old Staten Island Hotel. It's not really visible from the street, but it's in a plaza behind Applebee's and next to Waldbaum's I think.
I will have to make my first official visit there soon. And then continue on Richmond Avenue and head to Ralph's. Sounds like a pretty good day. Hope I have the chance to do it soon.
Apparently, I'm not the only one excited about it because when it opened, strategically during the NCAA Tournament, it set a record for first week sales.

Now They've Gone Too Far

I have noticed for some time that grocery store receipts keep getting longer and longer. There are more promotional messages, and details about discounts than ever before.
But never I had I received a receipt as long as the one from the day Mrs. Poop and I did our Passover shopping at Shop Rite. We spent so much money we qualified for 3 free 5-lb packages of Matzo. So that took up some space on the receipt, but this is ridiculous.



We actually measured it, 43 inches. 43 inches! For what is essentially a list of groceries. There has to be a better way to notify shoppers about what they saved without killing 50 trees.

Baseball is Poop

Four Blind Mice
When Major League Baseball instituted instant replay for home run calls we thought it would solve the problem. While hard to see from a distance at full speed, these calls are usually cut and dry on replay. Like the one Oakland's Adam Rosales hit in the top of the 9th of a game the A's were losing 4-3 to the Indians. On replay, it was clear that the ball hit a railing right behind that wall and that's why it bounced back like that. So it was a huge surprise when the umpires came out after replay review and ruled it a double. I really don't see how they possibly could have gotten it wrong. Angel Hernandez was the crew chief, and he's the worst umpire ever. But still, there were three other guys who should have reversed this obvious call.



I Love a Good Upheld Protest
Another horrible call but the umpires occurred in a game between the Angels and Astros when Astros manager Bo Porter talked the umpires into allowing him to take out a pitcher who hadn't thrown a pitch. In the 7th inning Porter brought in Wesley Wright to face Luis Jimenez. Scioscia countered by pinch-hitting Scott Cousins. So Porter went back to the bullpen for Hector Ambriz. Everyone knows that a relief pitcher has to face at least one batter except if he gets hurt. Apparently, Porter was able to convince the umpires of this, and they allowed the move. I can't understand why they didn't know the rulebook, or at least consult it. Scioscia knew it and he protested the game. But unfortunately the Angels won the game so he dropped his protest and the game didn't need to be replayed for the point of the dispute. There hasn't been an upheld protest in more than 25 years.



Money Can't Buy You Wins
The Los Angeles Angels are once again showing that you can't buy pennants. Last year after making a big splash by signing the Magnificent Pooh Holes, they got out to a horrible start and even the spectacular Mike Trout couldn't help them recover. This year they added Josh Hamilton to the mix and are off to another bad start. And it may be difficult for them to rebound. When the Angels signed the Splendid Pooh Holes I agreed that the contract would be bad by the end of it, but if they could win a World Series or two in the first 4 to 5 years, it will have been worth the investment. Now it seems like there is a good chance in 2017 the Angels will have no World Series titles and two very expensive [corrected], old, possibly injured, players hanging around their necks like an albatross.

He Was on Pace to Smash Clemens's Record
Joe Maddon would never take out a pitcher who was working on a no-hitter, so why did he remove Alex Cobb from a game in which he had a chance to accomplish something much more rare? Cobb had struck out 13 Padres in only 4 2/3 innings. That's 12 of 14 outs by strikeout, plus one strikeout on which a player reached base. The problem, Cobb had already thrown 117 pitches and the Rays were losing 3-2. I guess there was no way Cobb could have gone another 3 or 4 innings without getting up to an unnecessarily risky pitch count, but it would have been cool to see him.

Pictures of the Week
Every year on Mother's Day players employ all sorts of pink gear then sell that stuff to raise money for breast cancer charities.