A Thin Line Between Genius and Insanity

At work a woman was eating a huge apple. Perhaps the biggest apple I've ever seen.
I said to her "it's a good thing that apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head. He wouldn't have been inspired to discover gravity. He would have gotten a concussion and probably died."

After laughing, another co-worker who overheard remarked on what a strange comment it was to make. He said it was funny but seem gobsmacked that my mind worked in such a way that something like that would come out based only on the stimulus of seeing a large apple.
Please vote whether the comment was funny or douchey, but also let me know in the comments if you think that comment is more indicative of genius, or of insanity.

Funny or Douchey?

I hate bananas. Just the sight of them makes me sick. But I actually like what TON has done here, making a regular disgusting, mushy, foul-smelling banana, seem like a cool bro.

Funny or Douchey?

This has the potential to be the most controversial Funny or Douchey ever. I know many of you will vote douchey without giving it a second thought. But I know at least a couple of you will find this to be quite clever and humorous.

Funny or Douchey?

An Australian colleague had a birthday and on the card I wrote "Happy Birthday! I hope you have a G'day."

A New Kind of F or D

Rams coach Jeff Fisher sent out 6 players for the opening coin toss against the Redskins, they happened to be the six players active for Sunday's game who were acquired via the trade for RGIII. They are Stedman Bailey, Michael Brockers, Greg Robinson, Janoris Jenkins, Zac Stacy, and Alec Ogletree.

I definitely think the answer is dickish. If RGIII were playing well and Fisher wanted to say "we like our side" I would say it's funny. But doing it just to show up the Redskins now that things have gone so badly, that's just kicking a guy when he's down.

Funny or Douchey?

Dan Heimiller won the $1,000 Seniors Event at the World Series of Poker for $627,000. Nothing douchey about that.
He did it while wearing a T-shirt that says "Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!"

Even that, I wouldn't say is douchey.
A long time ago Papa Poop told me about a guy he played blackjack with in Atlantic City. Every time the guy got an ace he said "king of hearts." After 20 times, he finally got the king of hearts and said he called it.
That's what Heimiller does with the shirt. He wears it every single time in the hopes of finally winning?
Is that douchey?

Funny or Douchey?

Daft Punk won the Grammys for record and album of the year, but they couldn't even give their acceptance speech because they were dressed like robots.

I understand this is their gimmick, and they always appear in public like this.
But what a shame it is that they reached the pinnacle of their profession and they can't get any credit or say anything because they're hiding behind masks.
Doesn't matter their reasoning, or if their gimmick is part of what helped them win in the first place, being a character 100% of the time, is douchey.

Funny or Douchey?

Joe Salter recently ran a marathon backwards. While juggling. It took him 5 hours and 51 minutes, which actually isn't bad considering what he was doing.





Ok, now that you've voted on its merits alone, here is the undeniably douchey part. He did this to set a world record, but Guinness would not verify his run because several parts of the course prohibit filming and therefore no one was able to confirm that he actually juggled and ran backwards for the entire 26.2 miles.

That's when I run backwards while juggling, I don't do it for records or glory, I do it just to prove I can.

Funny or Douchey?

At Syracuse University half of the guys in broadcast journalism want to be local sports anchors, at least to start their careers. Adam Lefkoe, class of 2008, is living the dream at WHAS11 in Louisville. For his Sunday evening sportscast he turned it into a Seinfeldcast. He took suggestions via Twitter and worked in as many references as he could. He hit 41, including the graphics.



I think it's a cool idea, but I'm not sold on the execution. Of the 41 references, 10 were natural, 20 (including those) were funny, 20 others were forced and awkward and 1 went over my head. It took me several minutes to remember Jack Clompus told Jerry to "take the pen."

I'm very torn on funny or douchey for this one, which is why I need your help, Poopheads.

Funny or Douchey?

Dustin Wray booked a room for himself and his girlfriend and the Woodlands Resort in Texas. As he completed his online booking he noticed a section for special requests. He wrote "Three red M&Ms on the counter. Not packages, just three single M&Ms. One for me, one for my girlfriend and one to split if we get hungry late at night. And a picture of bacon on the bed. I love pictures of bacon."

When he got there he saw 3 red M&Ms on the counter and was initially confused by it, because he had forgotten his own request.

Then he saw a framed picture of bacon on the bed and it all came back to him.

I think we all agree the hotel actually doing this stuff is funny, and this guy not tipping extra is douchey. But judge by the other stuff, the simple fact that he made this request, and what he requested, funny or douchey?

Funny or Douchey?

Randomly inserted in 2012 Bowman boxes were 10 golden contracts, entitling the signee to a $500 signing bonus, a Yu Darvish autographed baseball and a chance at the grand prize, your own card in the 2013 Bowman set. The winner is a card shop owner from Las Vegas named Marcel Bilak.



Is Bilak's double thumbs up pose funny or douchey?



They are doing this again this year, except there are 25 contracts, no signing bonus and a 4%, instead of 10% chance of getting your own card. There's only one of these contracts on eBay, listed for $1500, but I think $300-$400 is a more realistic value.

I think if I got my own card I would try to grow my hair out and recreate this Oscar Gamble 1976 Topps card.



Or maybe I can piss off Mrs. Poop and recreate Glenn Hubbard's 1984 Fleer card



Maybe I could have Chase and Julian chase me like Steve Finley did in his 2002 Fleer Ultra



Probably the best thing would be to recreate the famous 1989 Bill Ripken Fleer, but instead of Fuck Face I could write Poop on the knob on the bat.



True story: I gave Mrs. Poop that card for Mother's Day and told her I wanted to give her a gift that would always remind her of me, every time she looked at it.

Funny or Douchey?

At every SU game this season you can find two fans wearing Jim Boeheim masks. The stick their noses through a cutout, and tie the masks with string in the back.
One of the men is John Groat, who owns Holy Shirt!, a Syracuse institution.
The duo even spent the money to go to Pittsburgh and Boston for the NCAA Tournament games.
So is spending thousands of dollars to watch games while wearing a huge mask funny or douchey, or douchey with a hint of funny?

Funny or Douchey?

At the World Series of Poker each year there is a Ladies Event and a Seniors Event. Both are $1,000 buy-ins and attract huge fields. It's either unlawful or against some rule for the casino to strictly prohibit people from entering a tournament solely based on their gender or age. But most people respect the intentions and don't enter unless they fit the qualifications.
But not Jonathan Epstein. He entered the Ladies Event, without even having the decency to dress in drag.
Before the knee-jerk reaction consider this: there's a lot of dead money in this tournament, a lot of dumb, hot chicks whose boyfriends staked them. Maybe Epstein is just trying to make some money. Or maybe he's protesting the inherent unfairness of exclusionary tournaments.
Consider that before you vote on whether a guy playing in the Ladies Tournament is Funny or Douchey? You may also need to view this one as more of a "Douchey/Not Douchey" since it's not inherently funny because as I mentioned earlier, he didn't dress in drag.

Funny or Douchey?

Karl Stefanovic, anchor of Australia's version of the Today Show, recently scored an interview with the Dalai Lama.
And this is what he did with it:



The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says "can you make me one with everything?"

Ok, I think we can all agree the result leans towards douchey, but just grade him on the attempt please. I thought it was quite a funny joke to tell the Dalai Lama.

The part about him not being fluent in English is what ruined it.

Funny or Douchey?

I took a bunch of grapes to work with me and sent her this picture saying my hand was swollen.

Funny or Douchey?

John Savio and Reko Rivera had this great idea for Halloween, they are going to be "guyphones" -- life-sized iPhones.
Basically they hooked up their iPhones to 42" flat-screen TVs which they used as the display. They're powered by a battery which hangs between their legs.
The costumes cost $1000 but the duos planned to make that money back by winning costume contests.
It took 90 hours of work to create the guyphones which are heavy, hot and hard to walk in.

Funny or Douchey?

We know SCZA loves Twitter, and we for damn sure know he loves attention, but I think he may have gone too far. He tweeted to Jets wide receiver Chansi Stuckey, telling Stuckey he had just drafted him in fantasy. When I invented the word "douchey" that's what I had in mind.

Funny or Douchey?

Mattress dominoes





At first when I saw this I thought douchey, but when I saw that some people set up too close the person in front of them and got wacked really hard in the torso by the falling mattress, I changed my vote to funny.

Funny or Douchey?

We saw this license plate on a car while we were up in Maine.
It reads OWW-D and it adorns an Audi (get it?)

Funny or Douchey?

I was doing a story about Valentine's Day spending and I asked my PA for video of Valentine's Day products and he wrote back "I have V-Day candy."
I replied "that's sweet, but I just need the video."
I don't think he even got the joke.