Crushing Defeat

Unedited poker story from Poophead Freedo:

Yesterday I played in the Colorado Open, the state poker championship played in Blackhawk, CO (our little mountain casino town). There were 155 entrants, paying $100 a piece. First prize, in addition to cash, was a $10,000 seat to the WPT L.A. Poker Classic. Yours truly entered as my game has been really solid recently. Here is the report.

I made it through the field pretty easily, amassing a good solid stack but definitely not the chip leader. I was fortunate enough to make the final table. For some strange reason, they were only paying 5 spots in this tourney, which seemed odd but the payouts were pretty nice. I got down to the final six, when I became the short stack. I made a desperation all-in when I caught a pair of 10s, and I got called by 4 players! I thought I was finished for sure. Would you know, the 2-outer hit on the flop, and after a decent side pot was won by someone, I took down the main and quadrupled up. By the way, I did need to mention I called an all in with 5-3 off suit when a guy pushed 2x the big blind in and hit a straight. That was pretty cool.

But then, tragedy struck. I was 2nd in chips out of six, and when the blinds were 2000-4000 the guy to my right raised to 14,000. I looked down and had Pocket A’s. I thought about just limping in and calling, as I had 48,000 in chips and was second only to the guy on my right. I decided I was going to go for LA and push. I pushed all-in and he immediately called. He showed pocket 9’s.

Now I guess the question for the poop community is, do you call me if you are that guy? I wouldn’t, I would know I’m beat.

Pocket A’s vs Pocket 9’s. I’m feeling good. I see myself sitting down with Affleck, Helmuth, and showing them I can play.

And then he flopped 2 9’s to make QUADS. Finished, end of story. Adios Amigos.

NO MONEY.

How about that for a bad beat story?

What to Watch

Now that the NFL is over, and spring training hasn't quite started this is the perfect weekend to throw yourself into college hoops and start scouting potential tournament winners.
Saturday features games with the top 3 teams in the nation.
Ohio State plays Purdue at 12. I love Greg Oden.
UCLA plays West Virginia at 1 on CBS. They don't have Pittsnogle anymore but the Mountaineers have been tough this season.
Florida against Kentucky at 9 on ESPN. Florida is the prohibitive favorite to repeat as champs.
Ohio State will win a close one, UCLA will win a blowout, and Florida will lose.

Remembering Anna Nicole

Her appearance at the 2004 American Music Awards.

I Hope They Open One in FedEx Field

Maybe I'll be able to get Mrs. Poop to go to a Redskins game with me.
Daniel M. Snyder, the entrepreneur and owner of the Washington Redskins, has agreed to acquire Johnny Rockets, the 1950s-inspired restaurant chain.
Mr. Snyder’s deal for Johnny Rockets, which started in 1986 as a corner restaurant serving burgers and malts on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles, is his first major entrance into the food business.
“We think it’s a big-time brand,” Snyder said, his voice filled with excitement. “You can see the business rocketing, no pun intended, in the future.”
He has ambitious expansion plans, anticipating opening 1,000 new restaurants in the next five years. “There’s no reason we shouldn’t have 15 or 20 Johnny Rockets in Dubai,” he said.
One of the first steps will be establishing a series of smaller restaurants, called Johnny Rockets Express, in airports, malls and urban areas. He also envisions opening Johnny Rockets restaurants inside FedEx Field in Washington, where the Redskins play, and inside Six Flags theme parks.
“The thing about Dan is he always keeps you guessing,” said Mark Shapiro, the chief executive of Six Flags, who left his job as ESPN’s programming director to work for Mr. Snyder. “If you had polled 100 C.E.O.’s about what Dan would buy next, this would not be on the list.”
Mr. Shapiro, who says the Oreo cookie shake is his favorite Johnny Rockets menu item, added: “Anything he touches, as long as you got the patience, turns to gold.”

Anna Nicole Smith Died

Anna Nicole Smith died at age 39. She passed out in her hotel room but right now no one knows what caused her death. She was obviously a fucked up individual who did a lot of drugs, legal and illegal, and with a brand new baby I'm sorry to hear about this.

The Pink Taco Monologues

A theater in Florida has had to change the title of a charity production of "The Vagina Monologues" on its marquee, after a woman complained that it was offensive.

Sad Ad

A robot at a GM factory drops a bolt, then fears getting fired and dreams about committing suicide.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has sent a letter to General Motors (GM) criticizing the ad. The group said the spot may encourage people to consider suicide as a solution to their problems.
"We wouldn't see this ad around cancer or heart disease," says Robert Gebbia, executive director. "Why's it OK to make fun of mental illness or depression?"
GM has no plans to pull the ad.

First Snickers, now GM.

Fake Pooper

An internet rumor stated that during the Gator a West Virgina fan, walked into the section vacated by the Georgia Tech band, pulled his pants down, sat down and defecated on the seat. These pictures were offered as evidence. Unlike the bride's wig out, I didn't buy this for a second. And therefore I never posted it.
But Sports Illustrated did. And they made in "This Week's Sign that the Apocalypse is Upon Us." They later had to print a retraction.

Another Banned Hockey Sign

Fan tries to express her love for goalie Roberto Luongo, usher tells her to put the sign down, announcers say stupid things (apparently during the commercial break).

Another Gay Nittany Lion

I have to give Nails credit, he told me this one probably ten years ago. I'm not sure how he knew, but he knew. Draw your own conclusions.

Former NBA player John Amaechi has become the first professional basketball player to openly identify himself as a homosexual.
Amaechi, who played at Penn State and spent five seasons in the NBA with Orlando, Utah and Cleveland, comes out in an upcoming book entitled "Man in the Middle" to be released later this month.
Only a handful of men's professional major sports figures have announced they are gay. Among them are football player Esera Tuaolo, baseball player Billy Bean and baseball umpire Dave Pallone.
Amaechi, a 6-foot-10 center, averaged 6.2 points and 2.6 rebounds before retiring from the league in 2003 after his contract was traded from Houston to New York. He never played for the Rockets or Knicks. He is currently known in Britain as a television personality and for helping fund the Amaechi Basketball Center in Manchester.
While he was playing for the Jazz he began frequenting gay clubs, both in Salt Lake City and in other NBA cities.
Amaechi called Jazz owner Larry Miller a "bigot," said former teammate Karl Malone was a xenophobe and said coach Jerry Sloan "hated" him.
Sloan, who was asked after practice Wednesday about Amaechi's allegations that the coach had made homophobic comments and treated the player crudely, said he did not know about Amaechi's sexuality when Amaechi was playing for the Jazz.
But Amaechi also spoke fondly of former teammate Greg Ostertag, who he said was the only player ever to ask him if he was gay (Amaechi answered: "You have nothing to worry about, Greg"), as well as another former teammate he calls "Malinka" (Russian for "little one") who Amaechi felt was aware and accepting of his alternative lifestyle. That player was Andrei Kirilenko.
"Some time after Christmas of my last Utah season, as the team was sliding out of contention, Malinka instant-messaged an invitation to his New Year's Eve party, explaining he was only inviting his 'favorite' friends. Then he wrote something that brought tears to my eyes: 'Please come, John. You are welcome to bring your partner, if you have one, someone special to you. Who it is makes no difference to me,' "
Amaechi also said he believes there are other homosexual players in the NBA.
"I don't know if there are a lot, but there are some," Amaechi said. "But you know … I don't really want to talk about it because I think that the coming out process for these individuals that for some I have been privy to and some I have not, um, it is theirs and theirs alone. And I don't think that they should be pressured or pushed for the good of the gay community or otherwise. They should not be pressured or pushed."

Song of the Week

I Got It Made - Special Ed
Probably my favorite old school joint of all time. Reminds me of what I did last week. My dishes got dirty so I got cascade and my hair was growing too long so I got me a fade.

Is Jim Nantz Gay?

This was a hot topic of discussion at Nailsfest.
I think Jim Nantz is gay and that it is well known within that community.
Reissberg claims he heard the same thing independently of me.
Juice was shocked when he heard this but quickly came around and started calling him "Jim Nantz-y Boy."
Nantz is married with a daughter but he once said "I'm blessed to have great friends, and there are a lot of men in my life who've been more than just friends."
Outsports.com keeps track of homoerotic comments made by Nantz' partner Phil Simms.
I wish we could get his reaction to the Snickers commercial.

Hibachi

Gilbert Arenas aka Hibachi, won $20,000 from teammate Deshawn Stevenson in a shooting contest. Arenas said he could make more one-handed college three pointers, than Stevenson could two handed NBA threes, out of 100 shots. Arenas made 73, and clinched the contest when Stevenson made 67 of 95.
And the video is available on Youtube.

As Seen on CNN

Jamie Gold finally settled the dispute over his $12 million prize for winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
After Gold won, he was sued by Bruce Crispin Leyser who claimed Gold promised him half the money if Gold cashed.
Leyser helped Gold recruit celebrities (I think Matthew Lillard and that guy Sully from some white band I never heard of) to play in the tournament while wearing the bodog.com logo.
Because Gold is such a horrible player he probably never expected that he would have to pay up.
And he finally did, though they are not saying if Gold gave him the full $6 million.
All they said was "Jamie always intended on sharing his winnings with Crispin."
Leyser claimed to have a voice mail from Gold promising him the money.

Chinese People Like Jew Very Much

After years of enriching the Chinese people by patronizing their Chinese food restaurants, the Jews are finally starting to get something back in the deal.
I've excerpted some passages below but here is the link to the full article.


"Showcased in bookstores between biographies of Andrew Carnegie and the newest treatise by China's president are stacks of works built on a stereotype.
One promises "The Eight Most Valuable Business Secrets of the Jewish."
Another title teases readers with "The Legend of Jewish Wealth." A third provides a look at "Jewish People and Business: The Bible of How to Live Their Lives."
In the United States, where making broad generalizations about races, cultures or religions has become unacceptable in most circles, the titles of some of these books might make people cringe. Throughout history and around the world, even outwardly innocuous and broadly accepted characterizations of Jews have sometimes formed the basis for eventual campaigns of violent anti-Semitism.
In the past few years, sales of "success" books have skyrocketed, publishers say, and now make up nearly a third of the works published in China, and perhaps no type of success book has been as well marketed or well received as those that purport to unveil the secrets of Jewish entrepreneurs. Many of these tomes sell upward of 30,000 copies a year and are thought of in the same inspirational way as many Americans view the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series.
Among this booming genre's most popular books is William Hampton's "Jewish Entrepreneurial Experience and Business Wisdom." It comes packaged in a red-and-gold cover, and a banner along the top brags that it was a "gold list" bestseller in the United States. Among Hampton's credentials, according to his biography: "Business Week editor," part of the "pioneer batch of Harvard DBAs," "professor in business strategy and philosophy" with "many years of experience in Jewish studies."
China is the fastest-growing book market in the world, with 130,000 new titles published in 2005. Sales that year reached $8.3 billion, a 50 percent jump from 2003, according to China National Publications Import and Export's data research arm.
Several of the books, despite their covers, focus on basic business acumen that has little to do with religion or culture. But others focus on explaining how Judaism has ostensibly helped Jewish people's success, even quoting extensively from the Talmud.
Practically every book features one or more case studies of the success of the Lehman brothers, the Rothschilds and other Jewish "titans of industry and captains of finance," as one author put it.
Some works incorrectly refer to J.P. Morgan (an influential Episcopalian leader) and John D. Rockefeller (a devout Baptist) as Jewish businessmen.
Most Chinese people have never met a Jew -- they number fewer than 10,000 in a country of 1.3 billion people. But several of the most successful businessmen in the nation's financial capital, Shanghai, have been Jewish. The Sassoon brothers, for instance, were real-estate moguls of British descent from Baghdad who constructed the landmark Peace Hotel.
Positive stereotypes about Jews and their supposed business prowess have given the Jewish community iconic status in the eyes of the Chinese public.
The cover of January's Shanghai and Hong Kong Economy magazine wonders, "Where does Jewish people's wisdom come from?"
Jewish entrepreneurs say they are bombarded with invitations to give seminars on how to make money "the Jewish way."

Gays Hate The Kiss

Snickers pulled the plug on a controversial Super Bowl commercial that showed two men accidentally kissing after a number of groups objected.
The 30-second commercial featured two mechanics who end up sharing both a Snickers bar and a kiss, and then react by pulling out a clump of chest hair to "do something manly."
Groups such as the Human Right Campaign and the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) condemned the ad, saying it promoted anti-gay prejudice and condoned violence against gay Americans.
"That Snickers, Mars and the NFL would promote and endorse this kind of prejudice is simply inexcusable," GLAAD President Neil Giuliano said in a statement.
Snickers parent Masterfoods, which has discontinued the ad campaign, said the intent of the ad was not to offend, and noted that feedback from its target audience had been positive.
"We know that humor is highly subjective and understand that some people may have found the ad offensive. Clearly that was not our intent," Masterfoods said in a statement. "As with all of our Snickers advertising, our goal was to capture the attention of our core Snickers consumer."

I Love Big Words

Now that Toyota is the number 2 seller of automobiles referring to GM, Ford and Chrysler as "The Big 3" is no longer accurate. I declare that to be an anachronistic misnomer.

I Learned a New Word

It's very hard these days for me to come across a word I've never seen before but the other day the Wall Street Journal got me with one:

pu·sil·lan·i·mous [pyoo-suh-lan-uh-muhs] –adjective
1. lacking courage or resolution; cowardly; faint-hearted; timid.
2. proceeding from or indicating a cowardly spirit.

The actual formed used in the Journal was pusillanimity meaning the act of being cowardly.

Phallic Symbol

Trivia Answer

The answer to yesterday's trivia question:


In addition to Muhsin Muhammad, the other two players to score touchdowns in the Super Bowl for two different teams are Jerry Rice and Ricky Proehl. Rice did indeed catch one with the Raiders in addition to his touchdowns for the 49ers and Proehl had touchdowns for the Rams (when they lost to New England) and for Carolina (when they lost to New England).
Incidentally, both of Proehl's TDs tied the game in the last 90 seconds of the fourth quarter. And both times the Patriots drove up the field and Vinatieri kicked a game winning field goal.

What Do You Give Me For? Tara Conner & Kaley Cuoco

Now that Miss USA Tara Conner is out of rehab with her bangs cut, she looks a lot like "8 Simple Rules" hottie Kaley Cuoco.

Courteney Cox' Husband

NBC Universal has named Jeff Zucker chief executive officer.

More Rehab

Gavin Newsom, the mayor of San Francisco who got caught banging his best friends' wife, is checking into rehab.

I can't believe you have to check into rehab for this. He said "I have come to the conclusion that I will be a better person without alcohol in my life."
That may be true. But unless they cut your dick off you still would have had sex with a willing, attractive woman. Maybe in rehab they'll teach him not to bone his friends' wives.

Astronaut Love Triangle

NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak is charged with pepper spraying and attempting to kidnap another NASA employee, Colleen Shipman, because they were both lovers of a third astronaut, Bill Oeflein.
Nowak is married with three kids.
Police allege Nowak drove almost 1,000 miles from Houston, Texas, to Orlando to confront Shipman about her alleged relationship with Oefelein.
Nowak wore a diaper during the 14-hour drive so that she wouldn't have to stop for bathroom breaks. Astronauts wear what NASA calls maximum-absorbency garments to collect their waste during space travel.
As Shipman walked to her car she noticed a woman in a trench coat who appeared to be following her. She quickly jumped into her car and heard "running footsteps" behind her.
Nowak slapped the window of the car as Shipman locked it. Nowak then tried to open the car door, saying that her ride had not arrived.
Shipman told Nowak she send for help, but when Nowak said she couldn't hear her and started to cry, Shipman cracked her window. The 2-inch space in the window was all Nowak needed to send pepper spray into the car.
Her eyes burning, Shipman drove to a tollbooth and reported the incident.
When an officer found Nowak at a bus stop, she was wearing a different coat, and the officer observed her putting items in a trash can, the police report said. The officer retrieved a wig and a BB gun from the trash can, the report said.
Police found in Nowak's bag a tan trench coat, a new steel mallet, a folding knife with a 4-inch blade, 3 to 4 feet of rubber tubing, large plastic garbage bags and about $600 in cash.
Nowak acknowledged details of Shipman's allegations and allowed officers to search her car. There, police found diapers, six latex gloves, directions from Houston to Orlando International Airport, e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, a letter indicating how much she loved Oefelein and directions to Shipman's home address in Florida.
Nowak told police that her relationship with Oefelein was "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship."
Nowak has been an astronaut since 1996. Oefelein, 41, was the pilot of the last shuttle mission, also aboard Discovery, which flew in December.

Why I Love According to Jim

In the latest episode there were several jokes about my favorite country: Djibouti.
According to "According to Jim":
The country is run by an evil dictator, Sheik Djibouti.
The chief export of Djibouti is natural gas.
And a brutal civil war is threatening to split Djibouti right down the middle.

Mets Tickets

The Mets will have an online drawing for tickets to the home opener and the three-game series against the Yankees.
As many as six-thousand tickets remain for the April ninth home opener against
Philadelphia and each of the three games against the Yankees from May 18th through the 20th.
Registration runs through February 18th, and selected fans will be notified by February 22nd. A fan may register to buy six tickets total for the games available.
The Mets have sold 1.6 million tickets so far this year. Single-game tickets for the rest of their home schedule go on sale March 11th.

As Seen on CNN

Charlize Theron is crazy. She compares the lack of freedom in Cuba to the lack of freedom in the United States. Then at the end she says something very funny to Rick Sanchez.

Trivia Question

What four universities have produced a Super Bowl winning quarterback (this question doesn't ask for an MVP) and a U.S. President?
This question was asked on Mike and the Mad Dog and then over at the Pizza Parlor, so I'm just going to give the answer.

Miami (Ohio): Benjamin Harrison and Ben Roethlisberger
Stanford: Herbert Hoover and John Elway (Jim Plunkett)
Navy: Jimmy Carter and Roger Staubach
Michigan: Gerald Ford and Tom Brady

The last caller who got this question in the Mike and the Mad Dog contest had obviously looked up the answer, but he might have misunderstood the question. He insisted there were only three, but since Benjamin Harrison was on the board at Purdue, he said Harrison and Len Dawson. He must have felt like a huge douche when Mike and the Mad Dog chastised him, and he missed a chance to go to the Super Bowl.

Trivia Question

Muhsin Muhammad (Panthers & Bears) became only the third player in Super Bowl history to score touchdowns with two different teams.
Who were the other two?
Put your answers in the comments section and I will post the correct answer tomorrow.

Manning Wins MVP

Turns out Peyton Manning finally got the monkey off his back. He won Super Bowl MVP and ended all comparisons with Dan Marino and brought up a bunch of new ones with John Elway.
Maybe he never had a fundamental malfunction that prevented him from winning big games. Maybe he did, and he got over it. Either way he's a Super Bowl Champ.
And an MVP. Manning chose the Escalade from this list and wrote above it "Loaded".

Dump Him or Keep Him?

If you ran the Chicago Bears, would you continue to go with Rex Grossman as your quarterback of the future?
I wouldn't. He can't be good for enough games in a row for the team to be great. And when he's bad, he's so bad, it's almost impossible to win.
I think they need to dump him now, go with Brian Greasy (purposeful) next season and maybe draft a QB.
Injuries, salary cap, dumb luck play too big a role in determining who wins the Super Bowl to allow Rex to keep pissing chances away.
And leading up to the Super Bowl all the media talking heads were praising Lovie Smith for sticking with Grossman. Maybe he made a mistake. Maybe if he had gotten rid of Rex after the Vikings game, Greasy could have come in, got his feet wet and steered this ship to a Super Bowl.

Sorry Billy

Maureen McGovern once sang "there's got to be a morning after." And that's always true. But today, for Billy and thousands of other Bears fans across the nation, the morning after feels like shit.
A promising season and a great start to the Super Bowl were thwarted by some rain and one bad QB.
Their defense is still great, and they still have some playmakers on offense but the Bears future depends on Rex Grossman.

What Do You Give Me For? Prince & Lucy

Nailsfest

As expected, the third Nailsfest Super Bowl party was awesome.

I was greeted by most everyone with a "waddup Poop," and I think a few even called Mrs. Poop Mrs. Poop. Still not sure if she likes that.

Seating was at a premium but we got a spot very close and got there early enough to find two good seats in the balcony behind the leather recliners staked out by the Concierge and Juice aka Green-spiggity.

I signed up for 3 boxes, at $3 a pop in the name of Diesel. Then I took my seat.

In typical Nails fashion the food was plentiful; the overflowing candy bowl, the three trays of wings and the delicious food (ribs, brisket, pulled pork, mac and cheese) from Blue Smoke.

For a large crowd, they were pretty well behaved but it was a little hard to hear all the commercials. If you missed any, you can check out this sampling.

Once the game was decided, that's when the action picked up. I had Colts 9, Bears 7 in the boxes. But I was rooting for the Bears. But then it seemed as if the Colts would score again. But they went for it on 4th down deep in Bears' territory. Initially Leary was furious (he had 2,7 and he's always furious) but on further reflection it was the right move. So then we held on through a threatening but meaningless Chicago drive and won the 4th quarter.

The reward: $150 and 5 envelopes of Fun Dip. I quickly gave one each to Mrs. Reissberg and The Conciergette in exchange for their eternal love and devotion.

Then on my way out Mrs. Nails saddled me with a bunch of candy. Then Nails begged me to take a 12 pack of beer because otherwise their fridge was too full. I never felt like taking beer was doing someone a favor before, but I think Nails really wanted me to. And not 10 seconds after I said that I felt like a schnura, Juice saw my haul and said "you're a schnura."

As always a good time was had by all. And next year, if we're not in Jerusalem, I hope we're back at Nails' house.

Super Bowl Commercials

Blockbuster - Drag the Mouse
Mrs. Poop has always loved this ad campaign



Dalmatian - Spots Rule
This was definitely my personal favorite



Snickers - The Kiss
This is apparently going to be a serial, called "After the Kiss" with these guys doing a number of things to prove how manly they are



Budweiser - Crabs
#1 in USA Today rankings but I didn't think it was anything special


Bud Light - The Class
This Carlos Mencia ad was also popular but I thought it to be just ok


Nationwide - Life Comes At You Fast
K-Fed was actually pretty funny the first time I saw it but several times before the game so maybe that's what it lacked impact


Bud Light - Slap
Fist bump is out