Caught With His Pants Down

Niklas Helenius gets pantsed by Tottenham's Jan Vertonghen.



Looks like Vertonghen was tripping/diving and didn't necessarily mean to pull Helenius's shorts down.
I'm amazed Helenius's first reaction was to go for the shot attempt, and not to pull his pants up.
I'm suprised he was wearing regular briefs under there, and not some type of compressions shorts.
I'm shocked he didn't get a penalty kick for this.

Free Prostate Exam

Check out this goal celebration in the Iranian soccer league:



While I think this was an accidental grab and squeeze, you can tell the squeezee wasn't pleased, as he swatted the offending hand away.

Lest you think this was merely harmless, grabass hijinks, don't forget this took place in Iran. Both players, even the unwilling participant, are banned forever from Iranian soccer stadia because of "immoral behavior."

Landon Donovan Wants His Hot Wife Back

Pretty much the only reason a man does anything is because he hopes it will impress a girl. A hot girl he hopes to sleep with.
Such was surely the case for Landon Donovan who is a talented soccer player but kind of dorky in appearance and especially voice.
It should come as no surprise then than as soon as Donovan buried that shot in the back of the net to beat Algeria, he began thinking of a way to use it to get his hot wife back.
It especially came as no surprise to me because I didn't even know that he had split with Bianca Kajlich, the hottie from Rules of Engagement.
As Reissberg was informing me that they split (married in 2006, split in 2009, but divorce is not official), Donovan was on TV giving an interview, skip forward to see how it ends.



"Hi Bianca"
And now there are reports that this ploy worked. Bianca was so impressed that he was thinking of her at this important moment that she wants him back.
I hope these two kids rekindle their lost love.

Word You Need To Know For the World Cup

This is a vuvuzela (voo-voo-zell-uh).



It's a plastic horn common in South Africa. If you want to know what one sounds like turn on any World Cup game at any time. The fans are blowing them constantly. It sounds like swarm of angry bees is coming out of your TV and into your ear.

The Soccer Brute is Kinda Cute

Elizabeth Lambert became the most famous person on the internet for a few days after her aggressive play in a game against BYU.

Now Lambert is telling her side of the story and she actually looks pretty good all made up and with her hair did.

She says she can’t believe she acted that way while subtly saying she was retaliating for an elbow against her --- the video proves her point.

She claims the video was edited to make her look worse, and it got more attention because it involved women --- which is true, because women usually aren’t known for that kind of aggression.

Also, She said she was taken aback at how the incident had been perceived by some as sexy catfighting between two women. She said she was aghast that some men had sent her messages saying, “Hey, we should meet up some time.”

Oops, my bad.

Soccer Catfight

Unbelievable catfight at a women's soccer game between BYU and New Mexico.



What the hell does Elizabeth Lambert have to do to get a redcard?

The Jason Giambi of French Soccer

We all know by now about Jason Giambi's gold thong that he wears to break slumps (it might work, he's 17 of his last 46) and lends to teammates to help them out.
French soccer player Vincent Muratori had his drawers inadvertantly revealed during a game, and maybe he too was in a slump.

Porn Influences the Mainstream

Porn has used the point-of-view camera to make lonely losers feel like they're the ones getting a blowjob from Jesse Jane. Now that idea has been adopted by Nike which put together this brilliant commercial that shows me what its like to be a soccer star.



My favorite parts, shaking hands with Ronaldinho and signing that chick's breasts.
My least favorite parts, puking and the look my girlfriend gives me after I sign that chick's breasts.

A Late Vote in WYB?

The U.S. women's soccer team posed with Portuguese policeman after practice and one of the bomb-sniffing dogs licked goalie Hope Solo. I guess he wants to vote yes.

Soccer Players Are Pussies

AC Milan goalkeeper Dida was suspended for 2 games for faking an injury after being "attacked" by a fan of the other team. After he allowed a goal a fan savagely brutalized him. Check out his reaction, he ran two steps, then collapsed in a heap and was carried off on a stretcher, hysterical.

Tell Us How You Really Feel

U.S. Coach Greg Ryan benched his starting goalie Hope Solo (daughter of Han) before the semifinal of the Women's World Cup against Brazil, replacing her with veteran Brianna Scurry. After the U.S. lost 4-0, Solo ripped the decision.



Hope Solo has a MySpace page, and her last logon was September 27th, the day of the game.

British Invasion

David Beckham and Posh Spice have arrived in the U.S. And they are trying to make their presence felt with sexy pictures in W Magazine.

Nice Name Asshole

Reissberg's dad is probably the only fan of MLS in America. So he was probably furious to find out that when the San Jose Earthquakes moved to Houston, they chose the name 1836. Not the 1836ers (like 76ers or 49ers), just 1836, the year Houston was founded. That is an incredibly stupid team name.