I Told You So

To the doubters who didn't see the resemblance between Hollie Cavanagh and Amanda Leatherman I don't care what you think, because obviously Amanda Leatherman herself sees it.

What Do You Give Me For? Hollie Cavanagh & Amanda Leatherman

What do you give me for American Idol's Hollie Cavanagh and poker hostess hottie Amanda Leatherman?

Given the Very Big Boot

I haven't even had time to write my first Idol Chatter of the season and suddenly there is major breaking news to report.
Jermaine Jones is getting kicked off the show for failing to report his arrest record.



Jermaine is the huge guy (6' 8 1/2") with the incredibly deep voice. He did not make it into the Top 24, but when they added one more person in a totally contrived move to generate hype, he became the 13th male contestant. And then he made it through to the top 10 on fan voting. Viewers may have liked him because of the sob story he told about his mother. But it turns out the story of abandonment is not true, Jermaine's father is still in his life.

But far worse, from the producers' perspective, are his two arrests, one reportedly for a violent incident. And the fact that he didn't disclose them, something Idol has had a zero tolerance policy towards in the past. It's the cover-up that usually makes situations like these so much worse.

Also, he reportedly gave fake names to police when he was arrested. Plus he lied about his arrest record, and his father. That makes him an habitual liar and not worthy to participate on American Idol.

I hope they bring back the obnoxious singing cowboy, just to kick sand in Jermaine's face one more time.

Idol Chatter

I guess Scotty deserved to win. I think he will do better than previous American Idols, Kris Allen and Lee DeWyze who hardly sold any albums.

I think the voting is shifting more and more to tween and teen girls. The first 4 seasons had 3 female winners (Kelly, Fantasia and Carrie). The next 6 seasons had 5 male winners (Taylor, David Cook, Kris, Lee and now Scotty).

Overall I thought the finale show was pretty good though I was really disappointed Steven Tyler and Lauren Alaina didn't do a duet of "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." I really didn't get the point of having Steven sing "Dream On" by himself.

And though I would have loved to see a goofy duet of her and Scotty I much preferred the J.lo booty shake.

I liked the Jacob performance of "Smile" with Kirk Franklin and special guest Gladys Knight. I still think he was the best singer the competition but his personality was just terrible. He turned everyone off when he refused to sing "Let's Get It On" and when he said if he got voted off after singing "Man in the Mirror" it would be because America didn't want to look in the mirror.

I loved the skit between James and Casey arguing over the most shocking elimination.



I love how they just shut it down when Pia came in with her Most Shocking sash



I don't think Jack Black is funny but he did something very subtly hilarious. As Scotty was singing his new single, after he won, he came out and hugged his whole family, and Jack Black wanted a hug too.

Note: I love how I can now cue up youtube videos to the exact spot I want.

I loved Tom Jones but I thought it was insulting to make James sing "What's New Pussycat." Why not make one of the effeminate guys sing it? Why neuter the rocker in that fashion?



I liked Beyonce's two performances. I like her new song "1+1" (though I do have a complaint about it which I think I will get to in a separate post) but I'm surprised she performed such a slow song in that venue.



I enjoyed seeing TLC and it was a cool performance with all the girls but it was sad without Left Eye. And T-Boz has really let herself go. At least Chili is still killing it.



Sometimes your kids ask you impossible questions. Why is the sky blue? Why don't people in China fall off the Earth? Why is the dog licking himself? But during this show Chase hit me with one I couldn't even begin to formulate a response to: What is Lady Gaga wearing?



I think Haley Reinhart is setting herself up to turn into a total slut when she starts her career. I'm not opposed to that at all, I think she's kinda hot. But she's like a less pretty, less curvy and less talented version of Carrie Underwood. And she doesn't have a clear genre that she fits into either. Not sure her Tony Bennett duet earned her any points with the 12-17 male audience.



More than 30 million people watched this finale of American Idol, which I believe is down from previous seasons but better than last year's number and better than this year's Dancing with the Stars finale from Tuesday night.

I guess any obituaries for the show were a bit premature and I'm pretty sure this train still has at least a few more seasons to roll through.

Idol Chatter

I want Lauren to win but I think Scotty is going to win.

I just like Lauren better as a singer and a person.

Plus in my first Idol Chatter of the year (this is only the third) I said "Scotty McCreery is not going to win this competition." Now I think he is. He has a more loyal following, he hasn't been in the top 3 once.

Plus all the judges seemed to go for Lauren last night. Like they were pumping her up to make this a more even fight.

Idol got lucky this year in that both of these contestants were featured prominently straight from their initial audition. Or maybe they made it that far because they were featured.

Speaking of auditions, I think it would be a crying shame if Lauren and Steven Tyler didn't do a duet of "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" tonight.

And Scotty and J.lo should do "Jenny (Scotty?) from the Block."

My one complaint with Lauren is I think they have hypersexualized her. They made her lose 20 pounds and they have put her in short skirts, low-cut dresses and push-up bras. She's 16 for heaven's sake.

Scotty will have a long and successful career in country music, win or lose. But Lauren at her young age has a chance to be a combination of Jordin Sparks and Carrie Underwood.

Before the season started I worried the judging changes and the decline in talent would spell the beginning of the end for American Idol.

One major improvement they have done this season: showing more behind-the-scenes life of the Idols, I never remember seeing so much from the Idol house, though I still wonder if Lauren and Scotty stayed there alone all season or had parental supervision, esepcially at the end. They also used more features and performances to prevent the results shows from turning into drawn-out fake-suspense-fests.

Much to the dismay of Simon Cowell, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez were quite fun and entertaining and their near-constant positivity didn't detract at all. Simon pointed criticisms were not missed.

Looks like American Idol will be around for many more seasons to come.

What Do You Give Me For? Scotty McCreery & Howdy Doody

What do you give me for American Idol contestant Scotty McCreey and Howdy Doody?

I have to get this one in today in case he gets voted off tonight.






Poll Suggested by Mrs. Poop

Idol Chatter

Biggest outrage in the history of American Idol. Pia was clearly the best singer, the hottest idol contestant, (maybe ever) she was likable, I just don't get it.

A few theories:

1) the voters are overwhelmingly teenaged girls. They vote for male contestants, to wit, the first five people voted off so far this year are all female.

2) Pia was too hot. She made the aforementioned teenage girls and older women feel insecure about themselves, or she reminded them of a pretty girl who was mean to them in high school

3) Simon is gone. Without Simon to bash the weaker contestants, the stronger ones, like Pia did not stand out. The judge's praise every contestant all the time (except Randy occasionally) which likely energizes voters for people like Stefano. Also, I doubt they would have saved Casey so early in the season if Simon had been around.

4) Prejudice. When reached for comment, Joe Pesci said, "Can you believe this shit? Prejudice 'gainst 'Talians? In this day and age? What is this world comin' to, Hendry?"

Note: Reader JustMan contributed that witty remark

5) Too many ballads. Pia's song choice was repeatedly called into question as she sang ballads every week. She killed them, admittedly, but some may have found it boring. When she finally went uptempo perhaps some people found the effort uninspiring

6) Gwen Stefani sabotaged her. What the fuck was that thing Pia was wearing?



No matter what the reason it as an absolute travesty that she didn't even make the top 8. Our only consolation would come if she is a complete washout in the music industry and has to resort to softcore porn.



A few other non-Pia related thoughts:
Jacob was also in the bottom 3. If he gets voted out who the fuck is going to win this thing? Scotty? He's one of the few left who I don't think has been in the bottom 3.

The Hulk Hogan appearance was very cheesy.

I call Casey "bearded Taylor Hicks" and James is "Adam Lambert on Ritalin."

I hate Naima's reggae performance of an Elton John song. Good idea but why couldn't she have done the exact same thing without the phony accent.

Would anyone have complained if they randomly decided to give the judge's another save?

Despite what I have said previously about Hayley's legs I really don't like her face and I think she overdoes the huskiness in her voice.

I do like that this year they have been showing more behind the scene's stuff. The results shows seem less boring for whatever reason. Though I always scan through the awful performances by people like Constantine Maroulis and Iggy Pop.

Chase thought Russell Brand and Constantine were the same person.

Hayley seemed interested in a threesome with Brand and Katy Perry.

Idol Chatter

There is no style of music I love more than Motown so there couldn't be a better time for our first Idol Chatter of this season.

I saw Casey Abrams when he was called Taylor Hicks. I didn't like him then and I don't like him now. Though Mrs. Poop loved his performance of "Smells Like Teen Spirit," she turned against him after his awful rendition of "I Heard it Through the Grapevine." I can't believe the judges used their save on him. Even if they loved him and thought it was too early for him to go out they had to realize that if he was low man with 11 left, no matter how well he does from here the viewers don't like him and he'll just end up getting voted out again in 3 or 4 weeks. It's way too early in the season to use the save, what if someone better has an off week later on?

Thia Magia is in the bottome three-uh. She's the typical young teenager who gets on this show and sticks around a couple weeks longer than she should. She can sing, but is too bashful/inexperienced to really cut loose on stage.

A similar problem derailed my all-time favorite Idol contestant, roly-poly teenager Jacee Badeaux (no relation to Neon). I was so sad when my little pudgeball got kicked off but he just wasn't good enough because years of being called fat hurt his self-confidence and didn't do anything other than just sing the song as it was written.



I hate Paul "Jelly Legs" MacDonald and his goofy smile. But I loved his rendition of "Tracks of My Tears."

I also hate the Tourette's kid James Durbin. He sings as if he has Tourette's, each note is an uncontrollable outburst.

I kind of like that girl Haley, because she has great legs. What's with girls named Haley on American Idol wearing booty shorts? Remember Haley Scarnato?

Speaking of sexy, I think they are showing too much cleavage for 16-year-old Lauren Alaina. And while we're talking about her, she suffers from the other problem that often befalls young contestants. She's singing songs with mature subject matter without the life experience to back it up. It ends up being an act instead of a heartfelt performance. Being that I love soul music, precisely because the singer's feelings are palpable, this really turns me off about Lauren.

Scotty McCreery is not going to win this competition. But there is a possibility he could have the best career of any of these people because he fits so perfectly into the country genre. He seems a little arrogant though.

I'm not ignoring Naima and Stefano, I just have nothing to say about them.

Now on to the two favorites:

Jacob Lusk is a really awesome singer, but he tries a little hard at times. And he opens his mouth so freakin wide when he sings. But his rendition of "You're All I Need To Get By" was one of the 5 best in the history of American Idol.

But the real favorite is Pia Toscano. She is the best pure singer of anyone. She delivers great performances every single time. She's seems really nice and friendly. Plus she's hot.



The one criticism of her is that she sings the same kind of power ballads every week. I agree I would like to hear something different, especially during Motown week (why not something by the Supremes?) but the judges constantly tell the constants to figure out who they are and stay true to themselves. And then when they do it, the judges say they need to switch up.

Speaking of the judges, I thought this season was going to be the beginning of the end for the show but I now I have changed my mind. First of all, I think the talent decline over the past few seasons has stopped. There are a couple top people, and a lot of dept this year.

Second of all, I am actually enjoying the more positive tone to the judge's comments. I was always uncomfortable in the audition rounds when they would so thoroughly embarrass someone, often someone who had a questionable grip on reality. There were a lot fewer awful performances during those shows this season.

And I think all three judges have done a good job of straddling the line between Paula and Simon.

Paula was on mood stabilizers and refused to say anything negative. Steven Tyler and J.Lo have both had their moments of criticism, but they try to do it in a constructive way.

Simon hated everything and looked like he wasn't having a good time. You can tell J.Lo and Steven Tyler are both really enjoying being a part of the show and it's always more fun to watch someone who is having fun.

Even though she wears her hair in a different style, and often has silly outfits, J.Lo is still has hot as ever.

And I love the goofy things Steven Tyler says. "Hell fire save the matches, fuck a duck and see what hatches" is the greatest quote in the history of humankind.

One guarantee: at the finale both of those judges will do a duet with the two finalists, especially if it's one male and one female.

My prediction: Paul McDonald third, Jacob Lusk second and Pia wins it all.

Idol Chatter

Two big reasons this will be the last good season of American Idol: the talent pool is thin and getting thinner, and Simon is leaving.

Even though I don’t think the talent is as bad as most people say (there are always good people and always bad people) the perception is out there, and with some of the horror shows still left I know why people are thinking that way.

As for Simon, I still cannot stand his inside jokes (leaning on Kara, bickering with Ryan) and insist they aren’t funny to anyone else but him. But I do admit he makes the show in the earlier audition rounds. You can’t have some guy squeal and screech his way through “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and have four judges look at him and say “oh sorry honey.” You need an obnoxious jerk. I’m sure they’ll get someone to fill that role, but I’m sure that someone won’t be as good as Simon at it.

What I would like to see next year is basically getting rid of the judges once we get to Top 12. Face it, they never have anything constructive to say. When someone sings a song too close the original they say “take risks” or “make it your own.” When they change it up the judges say “you didn’t need to do that.” And half the time they are not making sense, like when Kara’s lips are moving.

Of all the weeks I should have loved this one, I mean R&B/Soul with Usher as the mentor, that’s a recipe for Poop happiness, but I was underwhelmed for several reasons.

First of all Usher’s performance on results night was kind of weird and I didn’t even love Ruben Studdard.

Also, the choices of songs were a little off “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted” is a great song but not when sung by a whiny narrow-assed white girl. I still have no idea why Didi was crying. Why was this song so personal to her? And why bring it up then not explain. I have never been happier to see the most attractive female contestant get the boot. I don’t even think she’s that hot, I think it was a version of press-box hot because the other girls are Crystal and Siobhan.

Tim Urban on Anita Baker’s “Sweet Love?” Aaron Kelly on “Ain’t No Sunshine?” Katie Stevens singing “Chain of Fools?” Totally did not fit.

And as much I love Mike Lynche and India.Arie I didn’t think “Ready for Love” was the right song for American Idol. You should pick songs people know and usually up-tempo songs to get the crowd involved. A great song to listen to, but not a great song to sing in front of thousands of people.

He should have taken a hint from Casey James who picked a perfect song in Sam and Dave’s “Hold On, I’m Coming.”

My second favorite moment of the night was when Chase yelled out “I have to pee” and took off for the bathroom and I yelled back “Hold On, I’m Coming.”

My favorite moment though was Crystal Bowersox’s performance of “Midnight Train to Georgia.” I honestly think it was the best performance at this stage of the competition in the history of American Idol. I love that she did it a little differently than Gladys, I love that she had her version of the Pips and I love that she looked like a normal person for once. I really thought it was awesome and I really wouldn’t have a problem if any of the trio of Crystal, Lee and Mike won the whole thing, just so long as it’s not that weirdo Siobhan.

My least favorite moment was when they showed Justin Bieber in the audience. I had been taking great pains to avoid ever seeing him or hearing his songs. Until that moment I had never seen him, thankfully I've still never heard him.

I wish I could say the same about Puffy Daddy, I mean P.Diddy, I mean Diddy, I mean Diddy Dirty Money, what the fuck is that? I have always said that guy sucked, and now everyone has to agree.

Maybe She's a Virgin Too

Too bad I didn't get to post this while she was still on the show but Janell Wheeler, the first person eliminated from the Top 24 on this season of American Idol used to date (but presumably not bang) Tim Tebow.

Pants on the Ground

The breakthrough star of the last relevant season of "American Idol" (before Simon leaves) is General Larry Platt. Not a military general, he earned that mythical title during his battles in the civil rights movement.

His now famous "Pants on the Ground" was inspired three years ago when he saw a guy walking down a downtown Atlanta street with a baby in his arm and his pants slipping below his hips. “He had his underwear showing,” Platt recalled. The song came to him spontaneously. He started chanting the chorus to “Pants on the Ground.” “He was being disrespectful so I wanted to embarrass him,” Platt said. “He rolled his eyes and pulled his pants up a little bit.”



The song sure is catchy, and a 62-year-old trying out for Idol is a little goofy as is the song itself. But not lost in the goofiness is the social message in the song. Young African-American men won't be taken seriously in society so long as they are "walking downtown with [their] pants on the ground."


As is always the case on the internet the song has created numerous copycats, starting with Jimmy Fallon's version as Neil Young:



Then there was Brett Favre singing it in the Vikings locker room after beating the Cowboys.

Anybody's Better Than Paula

I'm not exactly a huge fan of Ellen DeGeneres, but as the headline says, anybody's better than Paula.
Ellen will probably be similar to Paula in her unending cheerleading and positivity for the contestants, but I hope she will be different in several major ways:
1) Be able to say the word no. Even to the very worst auditions, the ones that weren't even serious, Paula couldn't formulate the word saying instead "I'm gonna have to pass.
2) Not be on drugs. Paula's antidepressants really screwed with her brain chemistry at times, turning her into a weeping mess.
3) Not take Simon's shit. I always hated when he would blow in Paula's ear or try to get her to use a random word like "maelstrom" in her comments.

I really don't care that Ellen has no musical background per se. Neither does Simon. And I don't think people really enjoyed or watched the show just to see Paula make a fool of herself.

I think Ellen will be a pretty good judge, and eventually force Kara out as well.

I Can't Believe I Even Have to Put This To a Vote

Other than the surprise that Kara actually wore a bikini and the hatred for Bikini girl's tired gimmick and annoying voice, there is no way anyone can Kara has a better bikini body than Katrina Darrell.

Our Long National Nightmare is Over

Paula Abdul is out of American Idol!
So happy

I think the plan by the producers to get rid of her has been in the works for several years. It started with the hiring of Kara continued with granting extensions to everyone but Paula and ended with a lowball contract offer. They didnkt want to fire her and look bad so they gave her an insulting offer knowing she would quit.

No one is going to miss Paula. I know some people say they like to watch a train wreck but it gets old after a while. The show will be so much less annoying without her.

The next problem is that Kara sucks and has no credibility with the male viewers after ripping off her clothes and getting embarrassed in comparison to Bikini Girl's smoking body.

And since the producers now are out on a limb for Kara they will never admit their mistake and get rid of her if she continues to annoy America the way she did last season.

Adam Lambert Goes Down

In the most shocking upset in American Idol history (though Jordin over Blake was surprising) Kris Allen prevailed over Adam Lambert.

This morning people grasp at straws for answers and invariably come up with what I predicted months ago: America just isn't ready for a drag queen idol. A gay idol maybe, but not a drag queen.

There may be a certain element of revenge here. The gays getting their comeuppance for what they did to insanely hot Carrie Prejean, Miss California.

Actually, in truth I think Lambert lost because he absolutely sucked and people were tired of listening to his awful screeching.

Many times over the years I have wished Sam Cooke would rise from the dead, but none more so than when Lambert turned his most famous song (A Change is Gonna Come) into a gay anthem full of high pitched squeals, so he could reach in Lambert's throat and rip his vocal cords out.

I predict no long-term success for either Lambert or Kris Allen and I think the biggest star from this season might be Katrina Darrell thanks to her brand new fake titties.

Idol Chatter

The top 12 is set so I guess it's time to weigh in with my thoughts.

First let's deal with the Adam Lambert issue. The kid had a real chance. He could have taken his androgynous Clay Aiken-Annie Lenox thing to the top. But with these gay kiss and drag queen photos he's got no shot. Say what you want but people just don't like gay dudes. Look at every vote on gay marriage. People hate homos. And he coulda been a contender.




Most of the girls in the top 12 suck, except for 1 (I'll get to her later) so they will quickly be weeded out. But there are a couple of intriguing guys, most notably the two sympathy cases.

Scott MacIntyre makes me want to cry every time he sings. Fact is, the guy is awesome. He could be the white Stevie Wonder, or the blind Ray Charles, that's how good this guy is. But I'm just not sure this is his way to break into the industry. Especially because no one in his family wants to tell him "look bro, I can see, and your hair looks awful."



Then there's Danny Gokey who is everyone's odds-on favorite to win this thing. Not only can the guy really sing, but he has a dead wife (and not the O.J. Simpson kind either, she died during surgery, reportedly to treat a lifelong heart condition) which pulls on Mrs. Poop's heartstrings.



But sympathy will only take you so far in this contest. And with so many dudes being so good, I could easily see 5 vs. 1 in the final 6, they may cancel each other out.

And that is why Lil Rounds is going to win. Now lots of other great black women have been the best singers in their season (LaToya, LaKisha, Mandisa, Melinda) and got voted off because they weren't likable. But I don't see that problem with Lil. I listened to her performance of (former SOTW) "Be Without You" twice when I watched the show and five more times while I was writing this.

Maybe Bikini Girl Was Just the Beginning

American Idol is suing an Austin, Texas strip club.
Palazio Men's Club hosts a weekly amateur stripping contest called "Stripper Idol."
Ads for the contest use a logo with a "color scheme, design and font" similar to the TV show's. Waitresses at the club also wear T-shirts emblazoned with the logo, according to the lawsuit.
The suit says "there is a substantial likelihood that consumers will be confused, misled or deceived as to the sponsorship ... of the defendants' stripper talent contest."
And that's the key, will consumers be confused?
And that's why American Idol has no case. No one in their right mind is going to believe that this concert is in any way connected to the show.
So while the club is definitely profiting off the show's images and trademarks, I don't feel it is causing customer confusion.
Except when Katrina Darrell is on the show.

Changes in Store for American Idol

American Idol has already added a 4th judge (Kara DioGuardi) for this season, but there are some other changes this season as well when the show starts on January 13th.
There will be fewer audition episodes and more Hollywood-round episodes. The shift increases the show's emphasis on talented performers and shies further away from the crash-and-burn spectacle of less-talented attention-seekers.
I'm totally in favor of this. The bad performances get annoying really quickly. And a lot of times I feel badly because I think they are picking on borderline retarded people.
Also, this fixes one of the problems with the show. Idol wannabes have often complained that in the early rounds of fan voting those people the producers chose to profile on TV had a better chance of making it through than those who were never shown. This should give more exposure to more contestants.
In order to further emphasize the focus on the most talented singers, the semifinalist rounds will feature the top 36 contestants instead of 24.
The "wild card" round will return, which gives eliminated contestants a chance to come back into the competition for one of the top finalist spots.
The network will not air an "Idol Gives Back" charity telecast next year, but does plan to hold the event in the show's ninth season. Moving forward, "Gives Back" will become an every-other-year event.

American Idol Finally Pushes Someone Over the Edge

Paula Goodspeed audtioned for American Idol back in 2005, admitting her love for Paula Abdul.
She was given the treatment reserved for the worst of the worst auditioners. Nearly 4 minutes of embarrassment.



The humiliation for Paula Goodspeed is over now. She committed suicide in front of Paula Abdul's house. The car with the "ABL LV" (Abdul Love) license plate, and the picture of Abdul hanging from the rearview mirror.

Idol Chatter

I'm glad David Cook won. He was more deserving than that little sissy David Archuleta. Plus Archuleta's father is apparently a terroristic stage dad. He probably wanted to kill someone and will probably sue over the results.



Why can't American Idol time their show properly? Mrs. Poop and I were just two of the millions who didn't see the announcement because of DVRs. And it cut off so damn close, we were like 10 seconds away from being golden. We had to look up the result on the internet and see the winning moment on youtube this morning.

But why does David Cook have to cry so often? Once is senstive, twice is overcome with emotion, three times is closet homosexual.




I'm glad they put my girl Syesha into a bunch of slinky dresses. She obviously embraced her hotness a little too late in the game however.



Donna Summer and George Michael did they run out of current singers and had to fall back on washed up ones? Though I did enjoy them way more than the JoBros.

My favorite of all the performances though, surprisingly was Brooke White and Graham Nash singing "Teach Your Children." It's a nice song and they sung it well. Brooke was born 40 years too late. She'll never be a successful contemporary recording artist.



Mrs. Poop's favorite performance was Renaldo Lapuz singing "I Am Your Brother" complete with USC marching and song girls.



Didn't Amanda Overmyer look like she raided Paula's medicine cabinet? She looked more dazed than Jason Castro. She even sang like a mannequin. Eventually they stopped showing her because she wasn't singing or smiling and she was barely moving.



Carrie Underwood looked hot showing off her slutty side while singing "Last Name" and almost giving us an upskirt shot. But what the fuck was that thing connecting her sleeves?



I also enjoyed her preshow dress which gave us a little side-boobie action.



But my favorite thing in the history of American Idol probably was the Pips sketch. I loved it because of course I love "Midnight Train to Georgia" but also because it was so well-acted and at least for the first half of the song the humor was very subtle. It didn't get over the top until Jack Black came out with his pants around his ankles.