Dick Stockton is Ron Burgundy

Longtime NFL announcer Dick Stockton made a bit of a gaffe during the Rams-Jaguars game.



I am not entirely sure what happened here, I actually doubt he was a teleprompter in the booth, more likely a piece of paper, which makes it even sillier to not just read those words, but to not realize he'd made a mistake.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

The Twitter Trolls Have Pushed Mike Goldberg Too Far

Mike Goldberg, UFC's regular announcer, has been removed for one week from his gig doing NFL games on Fox.
What happened is long and complicated and begins with your faithful friend, The Poop.
Apparently I have never written about my hatred for Goldie on the blog so I will explain it all.
Bruce Buffer normally ends his pre-fight schpiel by announcing the name of the referee. Without fail Mike Goldberg would repeat the name of the ref right afterwards. So it would go a little something like this:

Buffer: The referee this evening, Herb Dean.
Goldberg: Herb Dean is our referee.

This drove me insane, but on its own, not enough to make me take action. But when you add in all the other stupidity he spews (TON says at least once a fight card Joe Rogan basically has to tell him to shut up because he's saying something blatantly wrong), that would be enough to drive anyone to his breaking point, but not me.

I didn't start trolling him on Twitter until he missed an event while dealing with a "complicated health issue" which many people believe was rehab.

His replacement Jon Anik was so bad I actually tweeted my support for Goldie.

Note: The ashes is a cricket match between Australia and the United Kingdom. The Ultimate Fighter between Australia and the United Kingdom was dubbed "the Smashes." Anik said this 100 times, at least, every time he had the chance.

Here is my original tweet to him and the conversation it started:

Fast forward to last Sunday when Mike Goldberg was calling the Vikings-Lions game. According to all reports it was one of the worst broadcasts ever, with Goldberg constantly misidentifying players (like saying a Teddy Bridgewater pass was intended for Golden Tate -- who plays for the other team) to just not being able to correctly identify down and distance (he said a clear first down was "close," an obvious loss was a gain of "one maybe two" and 2nd and 9 was "3rd and 17"). All in all it seemed like Goldie was back on whatever it was that sent him to rehab in the first place.

As people on twitter are known to do, they gave Goldberg the business after the game. Calling him out for his inept performance. Goldberg wasn't having it though, responding to the twitter trolls with gems like this:

And this:

So that's what got him benched for this week. Let's see if Fox has the temerity to send him back out there. Let's see if Goldberg has the serenity to ignore the trolls. And let's see if I can provoke him into calling me a douche.

There's a Nicer Way To Say It Than That

At the end of the best bit in the history of late night television, Louis CK's "Everything is Amazing and Nobody's Happy" CK marveled about the speed of a cross-country flight by saying "you watch a movie and take a dump and you're home."
Conan O'Brien, playing the straight man, responded with "there's a nicer way to say it than that."

That line popped into my head when I heard announcer Darryl "Razor" Reaugh describe a goal by Jamie Benn on the Dallas Stars.



"Like poop through a diarrhea-infected goose."

Well, that really gets the point across.

The Best Part of the BCS Title Game

If you watched the BCS National Championship between Alabama and Notre Dame you probably turned it off at some point as Alabama kicked Notre Dame's ass. But I hope you stuck around long enough to see this:

The ESPN crew shows AJ McCarron's incredibly hot beauty queen, model girlfriend, Katherine Webb in the stands. No problem there. The problem came when Brent Musburger who is legit 50 years older than Webb started fawning all over her.

"When you're the quarterback at Alabama, you see that lovely lady there. She does go to Auburn, don't admit that but she's also Miss Alabama and that's AJ McCarron's girlfriend. "You quarterbacks, you get all the good looking women. What a beautiful woman."
"Wow!" Herbstreit said.
"Whoa!" Musburger chimed in.
"AJ's doing some things right down in Tuscaloosa," Herbstreit said.
"If you're a youngster in Alabama, start getting the football out and throw it around the backyard with pop," Musburger said.

And He's Still Better Than Jon Sterling

Texas Rangers announcer Dave Barnett had some kind of on-air mental health incident. Watch, it starts at 45 seconds in (cuz MLB yanked down all other videos):



"2-1 game, tying run at second, leadoff single by Chase Headley. Go-ahead run is at fifth on what Adams is insisting on calling it a botched robbery. Actually happened was his henchman took a piece literally out of, uh, its..."

Barnett says he was just having a severe migraine. Seems like it might have been something more serious than that. Though he did finish the game without anymore gibberish. Not as funny though as the time reporter Serene Branson had a stroke on live TV.

Headline suggested by DKL

One Obnoxious Yankees Fan I Find Amusing

Never say I am not an unbiased journalist. I hate the Yankees but I have to give credit where credit is due. This guy biting the pork chop right out of Kim Jones's hand is an unparalleled act of bravery and humor.

Did Keith Hernandez Get Scolded by SNY?

Recently I was speaking to a Red Sox fan about their awful announce team of Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy. He said Remy was reprimanded for making too many mentions of his outside business interests during broadcasts.

I think a similar thing may have happened to Keith Hernandez.

On Tuesday Gary Cohen said he was surprised to see Keith eating a Shake Shack burger during Sunday's game.

"I forgot my uh my diet," Keith replied.

Gary told him "its ok, you can say it."

So Keith said "I left my NutriSystem lunch at home.

But it seemed like he was reluctant to mention the brand name.

My suspicion was confirmed Wednesday. After they showed a shot of Jason Giambi in the Rockies dugout Gary Cohen commented on his gray beard. Keith said "I don't want to get into details but there's a commercial about that."

It seemed an obvious reference to the Just For Men campaign ("your beard is weird") he does with Clyde Frazier.

I don't know about the rest of you but I enjoy hearing about Keith's outside interest including his dog Duncan, his front lawn and the time the JFM folks called him to tell him his mustache was getting too gray.

Keith also made a TV faux pas, speaking while he didn't realize they were back from commercial:



I just had to sit there and just stare at her.

Thanks for the tip Juice

Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,779

While watching the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show Mrs. Poop sent me this e-mail:

"I think the man doing the announcing for the dog show is getting too much pleasure out of calling the female dogs bitches."

The Passion and the Pageantry

ESPN's college football crew mocks a passionate fan for his reaction to Clemson's loss to Georgia Tech.
The first part takes place during a commercial.



Looks like Roach and I freshman year.

They Better Recognize

During the Illinois - Missouri game ESPN announcers Ron Franklin and Ed Cunningham showed a t-shirt worn by the sister of Missouri linebacker Sean Weatherspoon. The "hit list" included some of the more prominent quarterbacks on the Tigers schedule:



Maybe after two great games the announcers will start to recognize Zac Lee, starting quarterback at the University of Nebraska. Maybe they could start by studying the QB rating leaders. There's Zac's name, 7th out of 117.
For the record, Daryll Clark is 22, Colt McCoy is 29, Zac Robinson is 60 and Greg Paulus is 90.

I know Nebraska hasn't played anyone yet, but neither have most teams. Lee gets a chance to prove himself Saturday in the hostile environment in Blacksburg, Virginia against a tough Virginia Tech defense.

When He Wasn't Saying How Great Tim Tebow Is

Thom Brennaman after a hard tackle by Florida Gators safety Major Wright:

"When Major Wright hits you, you feel it in a major wrong way."

Somewhere Tim McCarver smiled and thought "so Thom did get my e-mail."

TON's Golden Shower Movies Are a Little Different

During Notre Dame's Hawaii Bowl win over a Hawaii a Notre Dame player got hit so that paint came flying off his helmet. Dave Pasch's description of the play was a little misleading however.



Story Suggested by Pizza Parlor Derek
PPD texted me to tell me about the Golden Shower but I never got his text. My cell phone does this weird thing sometimes. It's on and it looks normal but it can't send or receive texts or phone calls. So I never know it's not working until I try to use it, which is usually never. When I tried to make a call and it didn't work I just turned it off, then on again, like rebooting a computer, and in came PPD's text, 2 days late.

Nice Catch

I remember hearing about an old-time football announcer who used to call games on radio before the explosion of TV ownership. Whenever he misidentified the ballcarrier, instead of correcting himself, he would make up a lateral that never happened.
For example, "Campbell throws it to Santana Moss, Moss has it and he's running down the sideline, and he laterals in to Antwaan Randle-El and touchdown!"
And of course the second player, Randle-El in our example, had the ball the whole time.
Tom Hammond just pulled off something not quite as dishonest, but equally as artful. After a good run on first down by Curtis Brinkley, the handoff on second down went to Antwon Bailey, and Tom Hammond said:
"Antown Brink -- uh Bailey, replacing -- Brinkley and Brinkley -- will watch Bailey spin to the 50-yard line."

There's Hope for the Knicks This Season

Charles Barkley thinks the Knicks are going to improve this year. Why? Because "at least this coach ain't trying to kill himself."
I still hate Charles but this kind of blunt honesty is the reason why so many people do like him.

That's Going to Be a Long Distance Call

Sideline reporter Danyelle Sargent made an unfortunate error during a pregame interview with Mike Singletary.



Link to video

Unfortunately Bill Walsh passed away last year. The presence of Mike Francesa on this clip just makes it even better. Could he have been any more cavalier about it? "Bill Walsh is dead."

I have a couple of questions about this. First of all, how did she ever get the idea that Singletary called Walsh? Did she completely make up that part about the phone call? Did she mean someone else? Since she stopped in the middle of this question, this obviously was being taped. So how did this embarrassing mistake make it onto youtube? The cameraman or producer who leaked it obviously meant to humiliate Sargent. And even though she deserves the ridicule, the leaker should be fired.

Since the incident never aired FOX lodged a complaint with the NFL about Miked Up's unauthorized use of the clip. Francesa was even forced to apologize for it.

Story suggested by Juice

Update: Sargent now says she meant to ask Singletary about the phone call he made to Walsh when he first got into coaching. And she accidentally said when he got the job. She also said the clip came off a live feed that goes to all affiliates. She says Miked Up should have known better than to use the clip because she stopped in the middle, waved in front of the camera and talked to her producer. That should have a been tip to anyone watching that this was not live, and did not go out over air. I agree with her on that point.

Hard-Hitting Report By Craig Sager

A very important report on the gum-chewing habits of Terry Francona.

I Chew Gum
by beisbolct

Radio War

I unknowingly stepped in the middle of a radio war last week.
While mowing the lawn on Wednesday I heard Mike Francesa discussing plans for finding a replacement co-host for his show. He ran down a long list of people who would be getting a 2-day trial run.
The next day Boomer and Carton were making fun of this with Chris Carlin (who along with Kim Jones will get a tryout with Mike). They were bringing up the most obscure FAN personalities and asking if they'd be given a shot.
But what made it funny is that they kept playing all the cheesy jingles FAN records for each on-air host.
Evidently Mike didn't find it all that funny. On his show Thursday afternoon he ripped Boomer and Carton. Apparently this started when Boomer and Carton made fun of Francesa for his ridiculous assertion that the Mets should trade Wright or Reyes.
Francesa said Carton has a "meanness" to him, which I agree with. Carton is sort of like Master Bates, he tries to get under your skin.
Francesa then said he was ready for a war and he could take care of Carton in 5 minutes. After a short break Francesa said he was just kidding, but didn't seem to mean it.
On Friday morning Carton and Boomer fired back, discussing what Carton said was a "heated" phone call between him and Mike after Mike's Thursday tirade. They also said if Francesa wants a war, they'll give him one.
If you want to read the rough transcription of the comments from both sides, Neil Best, who broke the Mad Dog leaving story, has been tracking this latest outbreak.
The fact is, Mike is a fat arrogant fool who is feeling very beseiged lately. He's also an old-school guy who refuses to accept new ideas, including the internet. Whereas Boomer and Carton have a young hip show that is simulcast on paltalk, they use the website, and they talk about girls instead of the 1967 NFC championship game.
Maybe Mike feels a little threatened by the news kids on the block.

What a Dick

I once heard Dick Stockton speak in one of those alumni return speeches at Syracuse. He was a complete jerk and basically said he doesn't really prepare for games anymore. He doesn't study rosters or read up on teams. And that lack of preparedness shows.
In anticipation of his calling the Cubs-Dodgers series, the Chicago Tribune provided Stockton a primer on their team.
Reissberg in particular will enjoy the suggestion for Henry Blanco.

Because It's Fun

Serious sports types are fretting over the attention given to these latest remarks from Jessica Simpson.



While they're bickering over whether we should be talking about Jessica's trash talking they're forgetting one thing, sports is supposed to be fun. We talk about Jessica Simpson because she's hot and stupid. And there's nothing American men love more than a stupid hot chick.

Jesus's Girlfriend Catches Touchdown

Someone over at Fox Sports was up late Saturday night watching "He Got Game."
When Carolina Panthers receiver Dante Rosario made the "UPS Leaderboard" he was misidentified as Rosario Dawson.



And here's the video to prove it (preceded by Dick Stockton's call of the final play):

Stockton Dawson
by bsap11