Place Fist Here

The best part of UFC 127 was the chest hair configuration of Brian Ebersole.



Not sure why he decided to shave his chest hair into an arrow but it was pretty funny.

Must Have Been Texting While Driving

I witnessed this accident at an Exxon station on Route 4 in Fort Lee. The driver came right off the highway, right between the pumps, over a huge pile of bags of rock salt and right into a car pumping gas.



How pissed would you be if you are pumping gas and some dickbag comes right off the highway and slams into you. So hard that your rear window breaks.

My Favorite Terror Suspect Ever

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police arrested three men they say were making bombs as part of a terrorist plot.
One of the suspects is Khurram Syed Sher who tried out for Canadian Idol in 2008, singing Avril Lavigne's "Complicated."



I actually thought he did a pretty job with it. With the dancing I think he really made it his own.

I love the Canadian Randy Jackson. He's exactly the same but he says "eh?" after everything?

And where do they send people on Canadian Idol? What's the Canadian equivalent of Hollywood? Toronto? Regina?

Can't Blame the Cat for Trying

Uri Man hits on Fox News's Ainsley Earhart during an interview. Only problem is, he was too transparent. First rule of pick-up lines, the girl shouldn't know they're pick-up lines. But looking at her in the yellow dress I can understand what motivated his feeble attempt.

NASCAR Rubes Duped

The hicks and bumpkins who watch NASCAR were tricked by an April Fool's prank played by Car & Driver.
The magazine's website said a stipulation of the automakers' bailout required GM and Chrysler to stop participating in NASCAR.
That would mean the end for drivers of the Chevy or Dodge cars.
NASCAR fans freaked out over this and Car & Driver was forced to apologize and admit they may have "gone too far."
Chrysler's spokesman called the prank the most irresponsible thing he's ever seen.
It was a joke, lighten up people.

Blake Griffin is a Douche

What kind of douche bangs his head on the backboard while going up for a dunk?
Fuck Blake Griffin.

No, The Other John Roberts

The Universe must have misunderstood me when I was rooting for bad things to happen to John Robetrs.
And unfortunately the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court got caught in the crossfire.
When reading the oath to Barack Obama you may have noticed Obama stumble over the words. Most people thought this was Obama's fault and immediately questioned how The Infallible One could have a made a mistake for the first time in his life.
But it was later revealed that Roberts screwed it up and Obama paused because of course, he knew what Roberts had said was incorrect.
The Constitution says the president must solemnly swear "that I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States." But on Tuesday, Obama said, "I will execute the office of president of the United States faithfully."
So, to avoid any possible challenges to his Presidency because of an improperly administered oath, they did it again.
In the White House, with a few aides and reporters looking on, Obama took the oath again, and Roberts did it right this time.
I hope from now on my evil wishes will be visited upon the correct John Roberts.

Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella

Most Poopheads are probably dealing with snow in one way or another (either your watching it fall through your window and enjoying it as I am or you are commuting through it and hating it) so I thought I'd bring a little sunshine to your life.
I hope this smile by Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman (who is 2 votes ahead of Al Franken) will bring a smile to your face.

The Eloquence of Jim Lampley

Everything in life is better when Jim Lampley is describing it. The same goes for this unusual display of boxing by Trenton Titsworth.

Fuck Colin Cowherd

Colin Cowherd is one of the most reviled creatures in the sports blogosphere and he's not doing much for his populatity in Syracuse. The asslicker, known as Shrutebag around the internets, was asked about the possibility of SU firing Greg Robinson. His response (coming at the 91:20 mark of this clip) is as follows, in its entirety:

“That place is a dumpster-fire. It should be noted, one of the least-attractive college campus in the country. Literally, if you put Syracuse in Afghanistan, I’d prefer to go there. It’s just not attractive. It just isn’t. Cold weather school. Very little football tradition. Ugly campus. Buildings look like women's' prisons."

It's a beautiful campus.
I hope we do send him to Afghanistan. I think this comment is offensive to all the troops risking their lives in Afghanistan. I'm sure they'd much rather be in Syracuse hooking up with college sluts at 1:30 AM.
Syracuse has a fairly decent football tradition, not great, but better than a lot of places. We have a national title, a Heisman Trophy winner, the greatest football player of all-time, one of the most popular current NFL players, a beautiful stadium and a beautiful football facility and a major motion picture!
The campus is beautiful. He's obviously never been on the quad on the first warm day of spring when girls let their boobies breathe after a winter of hiding them under heavy sweaters.
When was he ever at a women's prison?
The point is, he's a douche. Like most talk radio hosts, and TV too for that matter, he feels the need to say something controversial and outrageous to get people to pay attention. Well it worked, but now I hate your fuckin guts asswipe.

This Asshole Cost Me 30 Minutes of My Life

On my way downtown last Friday, I was riding the D train to 32nd and 6th ave. At each stop we were forced to wait about 5 minutes as were held at a red signal due to a "passenger injury" at 32nd street.
When I finally reached my destination after about 30 minutes (25 more than usual), I noticed several policemen as well as photographers on the opposite platform.
The next day I read this account of the holdup in the Daily News:

A sharp-eyed motorman brought a 370-ton train to a screeching halt Friday morning, narrowly saving the life of a well-dressed man who was inexplicably walking on the tracks.

After slamming on the breaks, Eugene Hart started to pray.

"It seemed like I had a chance not to hit him," said a shaken Hart, recounting the 8:30 a.m. incident at 32nd St. and Sixth Ave. "I kept saying 'Please don't, please don't.'"

Seconds seemed like hours, as Hart peered onto the tracks. He couldn't immediately tell if the man was underneath the downtown V train.

"It seemed like I had enough room [to stop]," said Hart, who has been an MTA motorman for 20 years.

"I'm searching the train ... I'm searching the tracks," he said. "I see the blood, but I don't see the guy."

The unidentified man, who had been carrying a flashlight, survived with only cuts to his arms and head. Officials said it didn't appear the train hit him.

Investigators believe the man willingly jumped onto the tracks and then had a seizure before nearly getting crushed by the train, a law enforcement source said. The train was almost a moot point; he came within inches of touching the electrified third rail.

The man managed to pull himself onto the platform and paramedics raced him to Bellevue Hospital where he's in stable condition. Police said he didn't appear homeless.

Even EZE Didn't Do This

There's a famous story of EZE's termination from Burger King. It involves a customer asking for extra pickles (policy says that means 4, instead of the standard 2) then complaining that wasn't enough. EZE then picked up a handful of pickles and put them on the burger. The customer complained to the manager who documented the incident, counted 24 pickles in total, and fired EZE.
But EZE looks like Employee of the Week compared to this guy.
Timothy Tackett aka Mr. Unst@bl3 is a former Burger King employee after taking a bath in the restaurant's utility sink. The sign said "employees must wash..."

Why I Hate Rachael Ray

I hate Rachael Ray. I hate everything about her. But until now I couldn't quite explain it. But now she is out with a new line of dog food called "Nutrish." If that doesn't make you want to smash a bottle of EVOO over her stupid head, then you have more self-control than I.

Only Suzyn Waldman Knows Where Those Fingers Have Been

This comes from the New York Post's Page 6 (so it's probably not true) but it was just so funny I had to post it:

YANKEES radio announcer John Sterling is being called out for foul behavior in the stadium's press dining room. "Sterling has made a habit of walking over to the dessert table and dipping his finger into the ice cream barrel," one stadium worker told us, adding that the play-by-play vet has also used the same tablespoon to repeatedly take samples. During the Boston series, "He wandered over to the cake and pie section, broke off a piece of a cake slice, ate it and wiped his grimy hands on the linen tablecloth, leaving the remainder of the slice for someone else to eat - which indeed happened," our spy continued. A rep for WCBS Radio declined to comment, and a team spokesman said the Yankees "know nothing about it."

That really is disgusting behavior and if he's been doing that his whole career I can't imagine that another one of those grubby press types hasn't called him on it.

I think Master Bates should contact his old camp buddy, Yankees beat writer Mark Feinsand, and get the truth of this matter.

Rock War

Apparently there is a growing rivalry among competitive air guitarists and Guitar Hero enthusiasts.
The whole thing was made up by the Boston Herald, but they did fabricate some pretty good quotes.

“There is no rivalry between air guitar aficionados and the weaklings who play ‘Guitar Hero,’ ” sniffed returning Boston air guitar champ Erin McNally, who competes under the name McNallica. “They have a plastic toy with buttons. I can do so much more with my guitar than they can do. My high-note slaying solos - they can’t do that. They are limited in their rocking abilities.”

“Everyone hates mimes and that’s all they really are,” says Brian Shandra who builds his own Guitar Hero instruments.. “Rock ’n’ roll mimes.”

Air Guitar competitor Lee Becker says “we are performance artists. I don’t know how to play real guitar, but that’s not relevant to my air guitar greatness. I’ve been told that I have a rock star ass. I will be sporting a pair of tight jeans and I plan lots of pelvic thrusts and air humps.”

Let's See Someone Try This on Mrs. SCZA

Normally I don't mind when idiots interfere with local news broadcasters, most of the time the annoyance is minimal and the reaction is humungous. In this case it's the other way around. I can't believe Kathy Cheek kept her cool. Grabbing and kissing a woman without her permission is not cool. At least that's Mrs. Poop keeps telling me.

John Sterling is An Idiot, Doncha Know

Yankee announcer John Sterling is one of the worst announcers in the history of the world. Because he caters to Yankee fans who love that sort of thing, he creates taglines and obnoxious cheers for each Yankee player. But he gets so involved in his stupid schtick that he doesn't pay attention to the game.

This is just one example, there are countless others, without even mentioning all the times he prematurely went into his "it is high, it is far" gimmick on fly balls that were eventually caught.

That Line Never Works For Me Either

I normally never post scurrilous internet rumors because even though I don't try to pass this blog off as a bastion of journalist ethics I do have some standards. Plus there is so much good stuff that is true that I don't have to make up shit or post someone else's made up shit.
But every once in a while I find something too good to pass up.

Supposedly a reporter from Radar (palindrome!) was at a Manhattan bar and overheard this conversation between Adrian Grenier (who evidently thinks he is Vinny Chase) and some chick.

Adrian: Hi, what's your name?
Brunette: [Giggling. It is obvious she knows who he is; she is flattered that he has approached her] Elizabeth. What's yours?
Adrian: Adrian.
Brunette: Nice to meet you! And what do you do, Adrian?
Adrian: I make documentary films.
Brunette: Oh really?
Adrian: Yeah. And some other stuff on the side. What about you?
Brunette: I'm in fashion.
Adrian: That's cool. So how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you?
Brunette: [Staring, somewhat flabbergasted] Excuse me? I don't really know you well enough to do that, I don't think.
Adrian: Well, let's get to know each other. Where are you from, Elizabeth?
Brunette: I'm from Houston, Texas.
Adrian: [Pauses. Warily.] Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
Brunette: Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to talk about politics and religion at a party?
Adrian: Well who did you vote for in the last election?
Brunette: Not that it's any of your business, I voted for Bush.
Adrian: [Upon hearing the name Bush, Adrian works himself into a minor frenzy] Wow. I mean, how could you? Are you serious? Do you know what he's done to this country? I mean ... well, who are you voting for in this election?
Brunette: I haven't decided yet.
Adrian: Hmm. Well how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you and we talk about it in the morning?
Brunette: No thanks.

I know some people will think this story is embarrassing to Grenier, but I don't. If you're a famous actor you can try this on ten girls and reasonably expect one to agree. So why would he waste time trying some other more mainstream approach when he can have 10 2 minutes conversations and achieve his goal of getting laid.

Maybe He Was Drunk When He Bought It Too

Ronald Tridico, a 39-year old Florida resident, recently bought a $400,000 Lamborghini Murcielago. A few days after he got it he took it out for a spin. And he crashed it. Because he was drunk. Then he fled the scene of the accident. So not only did he fuck up his brand new $400,000 car he got arrested. There's only one appropriate tag for this story.

Thank God For Copy Editors

The sports teams at Northern Arizona University are called the Lumberjacks. The ladies' teams are called the Lady Lumberjacks, sometimes shortened to Lady Jacks. But maybe this is one time they should have stuck with Lady Lumberjacks.