Clean Shaven Damon

Weekly Picks

After my first losing week of the season I rebounded in fine form last week with a 5-2 record, bringing my season tally to 39-22. Thanks to Brett Favre's horrid performance, Adam and Harley are now tied for first. One point back there is a 2-way tie for 3rd. So basically there are four teams in it, one will win ($1300), one will come in second ($600), third ($300) and one loser will come in fourth ($0). Adam is fond of saying the next two weeks will decide. I think we will decide. And Decision 2006 starts now.

CHIEFS -1.5 chargers: After their most impressive victory last week, how can you not like San Diego to win the game. Kansas City got hot at home, then went on the road and lost to Dallas and New York. They are a much different team at home. But I still cannot pick against the better team in what amounts to a pick'em game. I think San Diego avoids the letdown and prays for Jacksonville or Pittsburgh to lose (not bloody likely).

TEXANS +6.5 jaguars: Houston has become such a quandry. They won last week, so does that mean they didn't throw the 3 previous games? If so they have played four decent games in a row but have no idea how to close it out. I'm pretty sure Jacksonville won't let this one get away so the question becomes can David Garrard lead this team to enough points to win by a touchdown. Remembering my overriding NFL theory (no team is as good or as bad as they looked last week) I'll guess that Jacksonville musters 24 points and covers.

PANTHERS -5.5 cowboys: Dallas got their asses kicked last week, but they are still one of four 8-6 teams in the NFC that can make the playoffs with two straight wins and a little luck. Carolina has been maddeningly inconsistent all year. I don't expect a Parcells team in the playoff race to lay down and die two weeks in a row. That means this will be a close game so why not take Dallas and the points?

CARDINALS -1.5 eagles: Arizona really let me down last week. I can't believe they lost to Houston. Philadelphia has played gamely since that destruction at the hands of Seattle on Monday night. I'm giving Arizona one more chance because Josh McCown is over the flu and schedule to start. But if John Navarre becomes the starter between now and game time then change this pick to Philadelphia.

BRONCOS -13.5 raiders: Oakland is dead. Denver will kill them.

BUCCANEERS -3.5 falcons: Tampa Bay got deeeeeeeestroyed by New England last week. Pro Bowl quarterback Michael Vick look awful against Chicago. One of these teams will bounce back. I think it will be Tampa Bay. I really hate Mike Vick, almost as much as Favre.

SAINTS -3.5 lions: Joey Harrington is back to starting for Detroit. That makes it pretty easy to pick New Orleans.

Facebook -- The Greatest Thing to Hit College Since Beer

Since most of us left college a website called facebook is revolutionizing dating on college campuses. Florida State fan Jenn Sterger has a great facebook site.
Derek once told us about her.
Now she is reportedly going to be in Maxim and Playboy. To what does she owe her popularity?

"I just chalk up all the questions to having an amazing surgeon. I’m sure he is enjoying all the free press he is getting, as almost any message from a girl on my Facebook.com is always about, I WANT YOUR DOCTORS NUMBER! It’s kinda flattering. But you will get your occasional haters. If the only way you can insult me is by pulling the “fake boob card,” by all means …get some new material buddy. How original. Hey, it was MY money, a great investment, and damn it, ‘I am gonna shake what the doctor gave me.’"

The Quandry of the Las Vegas Bowl

BYU is playing Cal in the Las Vegas Bowl tonight. Should we assume that BYU's Mormon players (who do not engage in sex with women other than their wives) will not be distracted by the lights, gambling and strippers in Vegas?

My Name is Rey Ordonez

Cleveland Plain-Dealer has a funny story about the aliases athletes use on the road.
Shaq uses Donovan Perot "because I'm fast like Donovan McNabb, and I'm rich like Ross Perot."
He also goes by Vladimir Mandingo, "that's a big Russian-African looking dude."
Ricky Davis uses Dicky Ravis.
Terry Porter uses Tiger Woods.
Sorry, there's no Terry Porter staying here, just Tiger Woods.

Tony Dungy's Son Dies

Tony Dungy's son was found dead in his apartment in Tampa where he is a student at the University of Central Florida. His girlfriend entered the apartment and found James on the floor. Efforts to revive him failed. He was 18. Cause of death won't be known until an autopsy is done but they do not suspect foul play.

Poor Tarik Glenn

The Colts Left Tackle was told he made the Pro Bowl, then had it ripped out from under him.

According to the Colts, the NFL's Pro Bowl list included Glenn's name as one of three AFC tackles selected for the Feb. 12 game in Honolulu. Then the league called back to inform the Colts there was a tabulating mistake.

Dungy asked the league to look into the matter, and when players strolled into the locker room at midday, most still thought Glenn was headed to Hawaii. Manning and Saturday both talked about the eight players headed to Hawaii, and Glenn even thanked his peers for voting him into the Pro Bowl for the first time. He played last year in Honolulu after being a first alternate.

"It's an honor," Glenn said. "You like to get to the point where your peers recognize you for playing well."

At 2 p.m., the league again contacted the Colts and notified them Glenn was, indeed, a first alternate behind Cincinnati's Willie Anderson, Baltimore's Jonathan Ogden and Kansas City's Willie Roaf.

League spokesman Steve Alic explained there was a computer error, a possible first in league balloting.

"Part of the vote was tabulated incorrectly and when the error was fixed, we learned that Tarik Glenn was a first alternate," he said. "We discovered the votes had not been tabulated correctly."

Glenn walked off the practice field with a glum expression on his face. Had he stayed on the roster, the Colts would have tied a franchise record with eight Pro Bowl selections, originally set in 1958, then matched in 1964 and 1971.

Isn't It Ironic?

Mike Tice criticizes Vikings fans for selling their tickets to Steelers fans.
"Look, when you go to some stadiums, it's so deafening that you can't hear. When you have 15 to 20 thousand of the opponent's fans in there, it's not deafening," Tice said.
Coach, why did fans sell their tickets?
"Maybe they're not really diehard season-ticket holders or maybe they needed the money for Christmas presents. I don't know. One of the two."
All this comes from a man who was fined $100,000 for scalping his tickets to the Super Bowl last year.

Useless T-shirt

I obviously can't wear this shirt anymore.

Welcome to New York Michelle Damon

Michelle Damon will be accompanying her beloved husband to New York. I wonder how Anna Benson feels about this. Is New York big enough for two fake breasted, pushy ex-stripper, ballplayers' wives? We will soon find out.

More on Mrs. Damon, including denials that she used to work as a stripper. At least Anna is proud of her past.

Jesus Joins the Evil Empire

Johnny Damon signed with the Yankees for 4 years and $52 million. Damon was originally hoping to get a 7-year deal, but that was ridiculous. This is a little more reasonable, he'll only be 36 in the final year of the contract.
The Yankees ban long hair and beards meaning Johnny is in for an offseason makeover.

Funny Bathroom

Kobe Goes Off

Kobe Bryant scored 62 points in last night's game against Allas (there definitely was no D), and he only played three quarters. After three, Kobe had 62 points and Dallas only had 61. He shot 18-31 from the field and made 22 of 25 free throws and 4 3-pointers on 10 attempts. No one else on the Lakers scored in double figures.

Chad Johnson is Up to Something

Last week he handed the ball to the official. Don't expect something as understated this week. Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson is planning something big for this week's game.

He hit a deer on the highway, but didn't kill him. He took the animal home, is keeping it in his garage and plans to use him as a prop this weekend. He expects to be suspended for the last game of the says but says it'll be worth it.

Johnson says, "You can look forward to the celebration being part of something that has to do with Christmas. It's going to be fun. This is going to be the greatest celebration of all time, man. I actually use an animal."

Whatcha Gonna Do When Kamania Runs Wild on You?

Good profile on Clippers center Chris Kaman in the LA Times. Kaman is a weird dude.



First there is his Hulk Hogan haircut. It's a light blond, thinning on the top and long in the back. Kaman hasn't cut it in two years.

Kaman has ADD, but he recently stopped taking his medication. Sometimes his mind wanders on the court, but when that happens he has Sam Cassell to help him.

"Kaman is the kind of guy, he's like a giant bass, you give him slack, and give him slack, then you reel him in," Cassell said. "I yell at him because I believe in him."

Cassell also said: "Kaman is like a far-away island, farther than Hawaii, way, way out there."

That comes from a guy who is from Mars.

Kaman has a three man posse from Grand Rapids, Michigan. They don't drink or curse or go out to LA clubs and Kaman hates rap music. In their free time the shoot arrows at a styrofoam deer in the backyard, and play Monopoly.

In his apartment, Kaman has a piano that he doesn't know how to play, a pet dog and a pet python.

Schmuck Builds Giant Snowman

Billy Ray Powers had some free time this month. So with the help of neighborhood kids who helped him bring snow over from other people's yards, Powers built a 16 foot tall snowman. Snowzilla has a carrot for a nose and beer bottles for eyes. I guess there isn't much else to do in Alaska.

Let's Go Bowling

UPDATE: It's not too late. You can still create entries and make picks until December 27th. Obviously you will miss a few games but there will still be plenty of time to catch up. Derek took an early leading by designating Southern Mississippi as his most confident game.

Bowl games start tonight. Make your picks at ESPN's Bowl Mania game.
You pick the winner of each game and assign a confidence score of 1-28 for each.
Picks must be made today.
Join the group called "News U Can't Use"

Just Having Fun Out There

Back in the early 1990s there was no better hour on television than NFL PrimeTime. The nicknames, the fum-bulls, it was all new and exciting. Now every douchebag on TV has stolen his gimmick and Berman looks old and tired, just trying to hang on.
Sort of like his new idol, Brett Favre. Over the past few years Berman's hero worship of Favre has been sickening to watch. Every time Favre played like the white Aaron Brooks, Berman would call him a gunslinger and say how much fun he was having out there. Now Favre is basically one of the five worst starting QBs in the league and everyone knows it...except the select few who work on TV broadcasting NFL games or highlights.
On Sunday Berman and Tom Jackson gave the Colts a standing ovation for their wonderful season.
Come on guys, at least try to behave like journalists.

The Problem With A-Rod

Everyone knows Alex Rodriguez is a great player, but I've never met someone who is a big fan of his. And why does he always fail in big spots? Because he tries too hard.
This World Baseball Classic incident underscores what the problem with him is.
He decided not to play because he couldn't choose between the U.S. (the country he lives in) and the Dominican Republic (the country of his ancestry).
Now maybe he made that up because he didn't really want to play, but I don't think so.
A-Rod has to learn two important, related lessons:
1) You can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself
2) When you try to please everyone you end up pleasing no one

Tractor?!?!?! We Gave a Kid a Tractor??!!!

Before Game 6 of the National League Championship Series Astros owner Drayton McLane told Roy Oswalt that he would buy him a bulldozer if he clinched the Astros' trip to the World Series.
Oswalt came through paid up with a slightly-used D6N XL from Caterpillar.
The D6N XL runs about $230,000 brand-new.
Oswalt, who recently bought a 1,000-acre spread near his hometown of Weir, Miss., said he'd use his new toy to fix two lakes and build a few roads. He even jokingly promised to redesign Minute Maid Park.
"I'm going to take out the Crawford Boxes and move them a little farther out," he said.

It's not a tractor but this is as close as we're going to get.