Idea for the 2034 Winter Olympics

Prior to Sunday night's closing ceremonies, NBC ran a 90-minute documentary, "Tonya and Nancy", revisiting the attack on Nancy Kerrigan, 20 years after it happened.
Prior to the 2012 London Olympics Closing Ceremony, NBC aired a documentary on the Dream Team.
If NBC keeps this trend of 90-minute examinations of the most fascinating event at the Games 20 years earlier, surely in 2034 we will be treated to "Bob Costas's Eye Infection: What the Fuck Was That?"

Mrs. Poop is the one agitating for this, she has become obsessed with finding out the real cause. She doesn't think a run of the mill eye infection can last for two weeks with proper medical treatment.
When this documentary airs Mrs. Poop demands that Costas release his medical records.
I hope it includes a retrospective of this great quip delivered by Matt Lauer.



And I want Al Roker to explain why he walked in front of the camera, a television no-no.
They may have to make this thing 3 hours.

Song of the Week

"Karma" - Lloyd Banks featuring Avant
"My heart is colder than sandwich meat."

"Your sex appeal is remarkable, you make a G wanna walk around in the park with you."

The chick in this video is the incredibly hot KD Aubert.

Lloyd Banks's real name is Christopher Lloyd. Great scott! He probably would have had a better career had he used the pseudonym, Doc Brown.



Note: if you like samples as much as I do please listen to Natalie Cole's "Inseparable" and you will see what a great job the producer, Greg "Ginx" Doby, did in taking something old but cool, and turning it into something even cooler and appropriate for this genre.

Couldn't Happen To A Nicer Guy

Normally when people say "couldn't happen to a nicer guy" they mean it sarcastically. I don't. The following horrific story could not have happened to a nicer guy because none exist.

My former colleague Miles O'Brien suffered a freak injury when a case of TV equipment fell on his left forearm.

Here's what happened next, according to the post about the incident that Miles wrote on his blog:

"The doctor recommended an emergency fasciotomy to relieve the pressure. This is a gruesome enough procedure on its own, but the he was clear that the problem was progressing rapidly and there was a clear and present threat to my limb.
It was getting real. Of course I wasn’t awake for the action but I was told later that things tanked even further once I was on the table. And when I lost blood pressure during the surgery due to the complications of compartment syndrome, the doctor made a real-time call and amputated my arm just above the elbow. He later told me it all boiled down to a choice…between a life and a limb."

Let Them Play

Great news for those of you who watched Saturday's Syracuse-Duke rematch hoping to see Tony Greene officiate.

Bad news for the rest of us who were hoping the players would be the ones to determine which team would win the game.

Maybe Damino is just a more gracious loser, but he and I both agreed after the last game that it's better for the refs not to call questionable fouls.

But I am sure he won't be complaining about being the beneficiary of the very controversial call that decided this game.

I have watched this play many times and I can come to only one conclusion: no call should have been made. While I agree that Hood had his feet set, but his body was still moving into Fair's path after Fair began the act of shooting.



So that's the technical explanation, the more correct one is this: as Mama Poop used to say, if you all (us kids) think someone else is my favorite, then I must be fair.

If no foul is called on that play, both coaches probably go nuts, meaning no call would be the fairest adjudication.

But the foul was called and Boeheim went nuts.



Obviously, the best thing for the team would be for Boeheim to have reacted in a less demonstrative way, preserving at least a small opportunity to win the game. But, I also think, after an atrocious call like that, the ref should have given Boeheim infinite leeway to express his displeasure, since the ball was out of play at that moment anyway.

But if nothing else, the incident provided some great fodder for our tag "pictures of Jim Boeheim making stupid faces."

Here's Coach Boeheim's postgame press conference:



I also want to make it very clear that I don't think the officials cost Syracuse the game. But I do think they cost Syracuse a chance to win the game. Even if it's tied 60-60 with 10 seconds left and Duke has the ball, Syracuse probably loses there 65 - 70% of the time. But I want to see the players have a chance to decide the game, not the officials.

Final Olympic Thoughts

NBC did a better job of making more events available live, not just on the internet but on the NBC Sports Network as well. There are some people who just want to watch one 3-hour show per night and see everything important. There are other people who are junkies and want to see everything live, now. It's a fine line, but there is a way to appease all those people.

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I only streamed one event live (Shaun White in the halfpipe) but I recorded almost everything I could find on the other networks and really enjoyed seeing events like the bobsled broadcast live and unedited.

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Thankfully there were no security problems. And though the stray dog extermination really distresses me, it's hard to know how widespread it really was. Same with the hotel problems, which were either isolated or temporary or the product of the whiny media's imagination. Maybe all 3. But before everyone pronounces the Sochi games a huge overwhelming success I should remind you that it was way too warm. All I heard all week during cross-country and alpine skiing as well as the sliding sports, was that warm weather was deteriorating the tracks and preventing athletes from performing at their best. I hope the IOC learns from this and picks colder cities.

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I hate people who claim something they don't like or understand (say skeleton) doesn't deserve to be an Olympic sport. But, the announcers at almost every sport spent so much time talking about all the ways the equipment (ski wax, luges, speed skating suits) make such a difference in time, that you get the impression that the athletes aren't competing, the equipment makers are.

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Yuna Kim is still the Queen. Take those same performances and have them occur anywhere else in the world (neutral ice), and she wins gold. I hope she sticks around 4 more years to win gold in her home country.

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Skier Tina Maze (mah-zay) is my choice for hottest successful Olympian. She has two gold medals and a nice rack to hang them between.

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I liked Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski but think he went a little too far with this outfits. I know this is who he wants to be and tries to be, but he was literally cross-dressing. I don't even mind that as much as the fact that he was doing it for attention, when he is there to comments on the events, not overshadow them with his pink blazer.

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I really enjoyed the Meryl and Charlie Show, even though they went to Michigan. But I get the impression she pines for him and has since they were 9 (when she was too shy to talk to him), but he's dating someone much hotter.

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NBC totally crossed the line with the death interviews. Skeletoner Katie Uhlaender was already in tears because she missed a bronze medal by four-hundreths of a second, and then Lewis Johnson asked her about her dead father whose baseball card she keeps with her. And when she apologized for not winning, instead of being sympathetic like any normal human being would have, Johnson coldly asked about her father.

And I know you have all seen the Bode Miller interview when he was pestered into tears about his dead brother.



But to me the worst was Noelle Pikus-Pace. She finished 4th in skeleton in Vancouver, retired from the sport and got pregnant. But when she lost the baby at 18 weeks she decided to get back into skeleton, which eventually led to her winning a silver medal. The interviewers basically implied that if she'd had the baby she wouldn't have the silver medal. Almost implying it was a good thing. And of course, Pikus-Pace cried, as did everyone else watching, except the NBC producers who were too busy cheering and high giving each other.

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The United States stinks at curling. 3-15 combined record for the men's and women's teams. I think next cycle the Curling Association needs to pick the players individually instead of sending the pre-formed team that does best at the trials. It also might help if our guys were in a little better shape. Look at the Canadian men who won the gold. They are ripped.

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Which reminds me of what the announcer said during the bobsled competition: "In the U.S. the biggest, strongest, fastest athletes are in the NFL. The biggest strongest athletes in Latvia are in this sled.

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Lindsey Jacobellis lost again, I feel horrible for her.

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Lolo Jones lost again. I don't feel badly at all.

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Peter Northug had a bad Olympics, a 17th, a failure to qualify for the sprint, two 4ths in the team events and then an 18th in the 50k race on the Olympics final day. He was also yanked (jerked?) from a race from coaches who doubted his fitness and focus. We know Northug plays poker, reportedly he was playing frequently during the Olympics, another contributing factor to the coaches' decision.

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All in all, it was a great, fun, successful games, and I am very sad they're over.

Song of the Week

"Say Something" - A Great Big World featuring Christina Aguilera
I thought this song was whiny and annoying and lacking a conjunction "say something OR I'm giving up on you", and I still do.
The reason why I'm making it Song of the Week is because when I went to find out more info about it, I read that Ian Axel is from Fair Lawn and went to Fair Lawn High School.
Evidently he released the song in 2011 as a solo artist. Then he joined with a buddy to form the duo, A Great Big World and re-released it. Then Christina Aguilera heard it, and her people called his people, and before you know it they were in L.A. re-recording it again.
Proud to see a hometown boy make good. I just hope he doesn't forget that his music talents were forged in the bagel shops and pizza places and on the tree-lined streets of Fair Lawn.
"If you forget where you came from, you ain't never gonna get where you're going."

What Do You Give Me For? Meryl Davis and Princess Jasmine

What do you give me for ice dancing gold medalist Meryl Davis and Princess Jasmine from Aladdin?

Hot Russian Curler

Meet Anna Sidurova, skip of the Russian curling team and one of the hottest Olympians I've seen so far. She turned 23 right before the games started. Even though she fouled a rock (not letting it go) and allowing a steal of 3 she still beat the inept U.S. team. Sidurova was willing to pose in sexy underpants to promote her sport, but one thing she evidently won't do is smile.

Forget Tae Kwon Do and Gymnastics, Let's Get These Boys Singing Lessons

Here is the cover of the 2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.
From left to right you have Nina Agdal, Lily Aldridge and Chrissy Teigen.
Nina has dated Max George from the Wanted and Adam Levine. Lily is married to Calen Followill from Kings of Leon. And Chrissy is married to John Legend nee John Stevens. Good thing she didn't know him when he was a nerdy Ivy Leaguer in an a capella group called "The #2 PENNcils." Just kidding, they were the Penn Counterparts.
Either way, it's pretty dorky. So if these three can end up with those three, singing must be a pretty good way to pick up chicks.

Mrs. Poop vs. TON Showdown

By now you may have heard that Mrs. Poop is the most entertaining person to watch the Olympics with. Her non-stop chatter, while annoying during shows that have a plotline, is welcome and amusing during the Olympics when hearing what is said is less important.

In last evening's rant Mrs. Poop declared Henrik Harlaut, freestyle skier from Sweden to be her most hated athlete in the games.

Three reasons:

1) Despite a diminutive frame he wears a quad-X uniform (XXXXL) and it falls off his ass during his run

2) His hair is styled in dreadlocks

3) He keeps a raw egg in his pocket while competing. It reportedly broke when he crashed violently during his opening run.

Mrs. Poop makes a pretty good case.

So why does TON love him more than any Olympic athlete since Peter Northug.



"Wu-Tang is for the children."

Something Special

In case you didn't hear me screaming, Syracuse remained unbeaten, a perfect 24-0 with a halfcourt shot at the buzzer to beat Pittsburgh 58-56.

I love Tyler Ennis. He is the perfect point guard in that he spends most of the game setting up his teammates and making the smart play, but when the game is on the line he wants the ball in his hands.
Obviously that last shot is a lot of luck, but it also requires skill, you need to get as far as you can but get the shot off in time. And it wasn't a chuck, he was square to the basket with good shooting form. He could have that shot 10 more times and not make it once, but he nailed it this time when it counted.
But that wasn't his only big play. You may recall Syracuse taking a 1-point lead 10 seconds earlier when Ennis drove right into the defense, drew a foul and sunk both free throws. And he made the smart decision to take the easy basket instead of trying to take the last shot.

But this wouldn't have happened without CJ Fair. He scored the 8 Syracuse points prior to Ennis's final 5. One came on a beautiful baseline cut (and pass from Ennis) for a corner 3-pointer and then a jumper to cut the Pitt lead to 54-53. If someone not named CJ Fair wins ACC Player of the Year it would be a travesty.

This victory also wouldn't have happened without what I call the Jim Boeheim Memorial No Points Offense, it kills you every time. Dixon had his team take the air out of the ball, kill 30 seconds of the shot clock every time and chuck up something bad as time expired. As a result, Pitt made only 1 field goal in the final 6 minutes, and it came on a tip-in from one of the aforementioned bad shots at the buzzer.

I hate playing Pitt. They play such a physical style, that it sucks you in, and it confuses the referees. The refs simply can't call fouls on everything Pitt does or they'd have no players left. Unappealing as it may be they force you to play their style and they're better at it than you are. The refs' swallowed whistles were the same for both teams (I saw Syracuse commit fouls that went uncalled) but it's a lot harder for them to be consistent. For instance, the reach-in foul called on Christmas that sent Zanna to the line with 4 seconds left, was a foul. But in this game there were probably at least 8 similar infractions that were overlooked by the refs.

But it was great to win and see the team celebrate on Pitt's home floor. This win snapped an amazing streak of 9 wins vs. top 5 opponents.

A game like this makes you wonder if this team is really just very lucky, luck that will run out eventually? Or are they creating their own luck through skill and poise under pressure? Only time will tell.

Song of the Week

"True Love" - Pink
After all the wonderful sweet love songs I've dedicated to Mrs. Poop in this space, I decided to give her a chance to send out a special Valentine's Day dedication to me.
Here are some of the lyrics that make this song speak to her:

"Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face"

"Just once please try not to be so mean"

"Why do you say the things that you say?
Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be"

But especially
"You're an asshole but I love you"

I'm Not Sure This Analogy Really Works

Duluth Trading company has a new series of ads for their "Fire Hose" pants.



Trimming an unruly bush. Ok, clear double meaning there, but how does it relate to men's work pants?



Now, a giant angry beaver?

What do vagina references have to do with men's work pants?

If you're wearing work pants while having sex, you're doing it wrong.

Get a pair!

His Middle Name is Notso

Marcus Smart deserved at least a 5-game suspension for shoving a fan during a game against Texas Tech.
Smart went into the stands for a loose ball. The fans he landed on helped him up, but the fan seated behind them, Jeff Orr, called Smart a piece of crap (or shit) and Smart shoved him in the chest.

Maybe the fan should not have yelled that in Smart's face, and we surely have seen a decline in civility at games and in our society at large. But Orr's taunt did not warrant a physical action. There was no racial slur. Smart made that up to his coaches who then leaked it to the media to try plant reasonable doubt to protect their player. But you'll notice Smart never made that allegation publicly and no one seated in the area reports hearing that.

If we have learned anything from the Trayvon Martin killing it's this: don't escalate situations into physical violence unless absolutely necessary to protect yourself.

And the old adage "two wrongs don't make a right" is also true here. Orr and Zimmerman were wrong to initiate their confrontations but Martin and Smart were wrong to resort to violence, and that's why they paid a steeper price.

But, I would still take Smart on the Knicks. He needs to get his shit together but he is a good player and will probably have a great NBA career if he can learn from these incidents instead of repeating them.

Can't Blame the Guy For Trying

The beautiful Kate Upton took in an Orlando Magic game with her boyfriend Justin Verlander.

When Verlander stepped away for a moment, the Magic's mascot, Stuff, swooped in with flowers, a giant ring and a marriage proposal.

As always, Kate was the picture of elegance, class and grace, smiling and posing with Stuff, and even posting an instagram pic of her with the ring.

The Best Game I've Ever Seen In Person

Syracuse's 91-89 victory over Duke in the schools' first game as conference opponents was probably the best game (any sport) I've ever attended in person. It was one of the best regular season college games of all time.
Normally I resist pronouncements like that because people often call every close, exciting game "great." But this one deserves the greatness label not just for the excitement and drama, but also for high quality of play.
Each team committed only 8 turnovers, that includes overtime. Duke made 15 of 36 3s and Syracuse didn't get out of their game plan, shooting only 4 3s and make 3 of them. Syracuse made 80% of its free throws, and that never happens. There were 40 fouls called but I don't think the officiating played a huge part in the outcome. This game was decided by the players, and so many of them made great plays.

I finally had the chance to sit down and watch the game on TV and I wanted to share a few thoughts.

I'll start with the last play of regulation: Syracuse definitely should have fouled. Duke was inbounding with 4.6 seconds left. If you give a foul at half court you take away at least a second or two. Boeheim said that was the plan, and you can see CJ Fair did try to foul, he just wasn't aggressive enough.

And then, in a similar situation at the end of overtime, Tyler Ennis gave the foul with 9 seconds left, way too much time, too much can go wrong. And it almost did.

Syracuse went on a little run with 6 minutes left to take a 7-point lead (66-59). On the next 3 Duke possessions Tyler Thornton made 3-pointers to cut the lead to 70-68, with 4:22 left. The only 3 shots he made all night. Outstanding individual performance over that short period.

The 5th foul on Parker (offensive) was very questionable. There was definitely contact but Christmas sold it. The foul called on Cooney for hitting Sulaimon on a 3-pointer was equally questionable. The foul on Jefferson on Christmas though was a clear foul that had to be called.

Tyler Ennis is a great point guard. He always makes the right decision and never tries to score unless they absolutely need a basket. And he basically won the game by recognizing the mismatch in overtime with Dawkins on Grant. He did it twice in a row, then the third time when Fair tried to feed Grant the pass wasn't as good and Grant missed the shot. Then Ennis fed Grant one more time, and it forced Coach K to make a change, and bring in Plumlee.

Rakim Christmas did not foul on the final dunk attempt. He got the ball, maybe there was some incidental contact, but his hand on the ball, cleanly was why it didn't go in.

CJ Fair was mugged and beaten, it was clearly an intentional foul, but I don't really blame the refs for calling it just a regular call. It was excessive in contact in part because two players shoved Fair at the same time. I wouldn't have wanted to see a game like this decided by a call like that.

Fair played an absolutely incredible game. He's just a fantastic player who does the things you need to do to win.

What a game! I am thrilled to have been in attendance for one of the most memorable Syracuse games ever.

But He Was Our Bumbling Idiot

If you grew up a Mets fan, you grew up listening to Ralph Kiner. He had been broadcasting Mets games since the very beginning. I'd like to say he was a great announcer who expertly imparted his knowledge of the game to the fans. But I don't want to lie about a guy just because he died.
Kiner will be best remembered for the funny things he said, even if he didn't actually say all of them.
The most famous of his malaprops is "It's Father's Day today, so to all you fathers out there, happy birthday."
Before he became a bumbling announcer Kiner was actually a great player posting a WAR of 7.5 or higher in 1947, 49 and 51. His career was cut short by a bad back though, he only played 10 seasons, averaging nearly 37 homers per.
Even more surprising was the fact that he was somewhat of a Playboy, rumored to have dated Janet Leigh and Elizabeth Taylor.

Rest in Peace Ralph, we'll miss you.

What's The Universe Saying With This One?

By now, most of you know that I get dinner at work every night. We have a rotation of 10 or 15 restaurants. I almost always get the same thing every time we order from a particular restaurant.

But last night I decided to switch it up and order the chicken under a brick.

It was pretty good, if a little small.

I know I have never ordered this meal before. I've never talked about it before. I'm pretty sure I'd never even heard about chicken being prepared this way.

A few hours later I decided to watch the new episode of Four Courses with JB Smoove.

The View from Row Z

Syracuse did a pretty cool thing for Saturday's game against Duke. There's a "fancam" that took a huge panoramic of the Dome in such high quality that even people in the last row, and second to last rows, can find themselves, and then tag themselves in the picture.

Here's the camera shot taken the other way (with my blackberry, no zoom)

People in really awesome seats like Pizza Parlor Derek and El Greco were in really clear high-resolution.

But no one had better seats than Arli$$ aka Robert Wuhl who inexplicably seems to be a Syracuse superfan this season, and somehow got himself front row seats right behind the scorer's table.

Song of the Week

"Stick Up" - Honey Cone
Whoever wrote this song seemed to have an unfortunate grasp of the criminal justice system. But it's an early-70s gem.

Super Bowl XLVIII Is Poop

Worst Super Bowl Ever?
It seems that nearly every year recently we debate if the just completed Super Bowl is the best ever. We don't have to have that argument this year, but this stinker certainly has a case for the worst. I'd still have to say San Francisco 55 Denver 10 is the least competitive, but this game was nearly as bad. For almost the entire game Denver could not move the ball against Seattle, nor could they stop Seattle from scoring. They gave up 4 turnovers and just played as bad a game as you can play.

Manning's Legacy
I was one of the people saying that Peyton Manning has cemented his legacy before this game. He's one of the all-time greats, and he just had one of the best seasons a quarterback has ever had leading a team to the Super Bowl for a third time. But his performance in this game was so bad, and so unlike how he normally plays that I think it's fair to reconsider whether he chokes, ok maybe not chokes, but performs poorly in big games often enough that it really is a thing and not just a random outcome or a product of facing good teams with good defenses.

Trent Dilfer Won a Super Bowl, Too
I have never been a big fan of Russell Wilson and nothing he did in this Super Bowl changed my mind. I think he is a great quarterback for this team. He very seldom makes mistakes and very often makes some great plays. But I insist that a team relying on Wilson to generate points wouldn't go very far. He needs to be on a team with a defense and a running game. That's exactly what he's got, so he's a deserving Super Bowl champion. But put him on the Redskins or the Jets, and I just don't think you get results anything like what he is doing in Seattle.

Turning Point of the Game
First play of the game, Peyton Manning comes steps up to the line, his center misinterprets the movement (just Manny being Manny), snaps the ball, it goes over his head and into the endzone for a safety. And that was it. There have been many great plays in Super Bowl history (Lynn Swann's catch, Marcus Allen's run, The Helmet Catch, etc) and there have been some memorable disasters (Garo Yepremian and Leon Lett come to mind though both of their teams won those games), but I can't think of a play as strange or as weird that had such a huge impact on a Super Bowl as this one. Based on everything else that happened I would say odds are still very high that the Broncos would have gotten creamed anyway, but after that Denver looked totally discombobulated and sunk.

Nice Super Bowl Goodell, Don't Ever Fuckin Do It Again
The NFL pulled a fast one and got away with it. They took a gamble playing a Super Bowl, outside, in a cold-weather city and it paid off. Temperatures were a comfortable 40 degrees and the weather had no influence whatsoever on the outcome or the way the game was played.

In fact, the worst part of the potential cold weather was Joe Namath's fur coat.

Note: I blame the referee for the coin toss snafu, he stepped back and stopped talking, making Broadway Joe think he was supposed to toss the coin.

If this was a one-time thing to reward the Jets and Giants and the area for building such an expensive stadium, that is ok. But if the NFL tries this again, in New York, or Chicago or worse Green Bay or Minnesota, they are courting disaster. Had Monday's snowstorm come a day earlier not only would the game have been affected, it would have been unsafe for people going to and coming home from the game. An outdoor Super Bowl in a cold-weather city worked out, once. Once!

Picture of the Week
Super Bowl MVP Malcolm Smith does a confetti angel on the field after the game.

Could This Be the Start of Something Big?
Because the Seahawks are so good and so young, and because there's a history of young Super Bowl winning teams going on to win at least one more, there is talk about whether these Seahawks could be embarking on a dynasty. I say no. The quarterback isn't good enough, the defense is great, but relies a lot on turnovers which involved a huge amount of luck, and today's NFL makes it tough with free agency (even though a lot of key players are locked up) to keep a Super Bowl winning team together. I would be surprised if the Seahawks won 2 more Super Bowls in the next 5 years.

Super Bowl Commercials

Maybe it was the quality of the game that soured me, but I can remember a single commercial that I actually liked.

"Puppy Love" - Budweiser



"Cowboy Kid" - Doritos



"Time Machine" - Doritos



"The Phone Call" - Radio Shack



"Dad's Sixth Sense" - Hyundai



"Gracie" - Cheerios



"Empowering" - Microsoft



"Going All the Way" - Coca-Cola



"The Spill" - Danon Oikos Greek Yogurt



"Nice" - Hyundai



"Doberhuahua" - Audi



"The Truth" - Kia

Kliq920: Then and Now

We went back 15 years later (with a lot more gray hair and pounds) to create this picture in front of our old stomping grounds. 8 of the original 11 were there, with 2 others added.

Weekly Picks

At least if I get this game right I will be exactly .500 for the season, which I guess isn't so bad.


Denver -2 1/2 Seattle
This matchup has been well-established as offense versus defense. And invariably when presented with those options (or hitting versus pitching) I choose defense. But I am going with my gut here and trusting in Peyton Manning. I think he has the tools and the weapons to at least move the ball, and score enough, on any defense. I think they will stay away from the outside and Seattle's great cover corners, and instead use motion and matchups to attack the heart of the defense. Russell Wilson doesn't make mistakes, and he does make plays, but I doubt his ability to make enough of them to keep up with Peyton Manning.

Last Week: 1-1 (0 pointa)
Season: 47-48 (36 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (6-14)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (20-22)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (13-11)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (13-13)