Thursday, April 05, 2007
He Wanted the Mesquite Chicken With Bacon
A coyote walked into a Quiznos in downtown Chicago and laid down in the drink cooler. He didn't order a sandwich, drink a Gatorade or bother any patrons. But still they led him out of there by his neck.
It's Gonna Suck When She's Constipated
The people at Ringling Bros. thought it would be a great idea to give elephants some Matzo for Passover.
Asia (in the foreground) obviously loves Matzo.
Asia loves Matzo so much that she ate the whole box. And by the whole box I mean the whole box, with the Matzo inside it. The handler had to offer her a melon to coax her into opening her mouth so another handler could remove the box.
Asia is pissed that they wouldn't let her eat the box so the clown had to calm her down.
Asia (in the foreground) obviously loves Matzo.
Asia loves Matzo so much that she ate the whole box. And by the whole box I mean the whole box, with the Matzo inside it. The handler had to offer her a melon to coax her into opening her mouth so another handler could remove the box.
Asia is pissed that they wouldn't let her eat the box so the clown had to calm her down.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Curb Your Draft Needs
According to NFL Network, Larry David has been peppering Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum and coach Eric Mangini with his opinions about the Jets' draft needs. Last year, David called the Jets' front office and suggested that they should trade up to select quarterback Vince Young. Although the Jets ignored that suggestion, the NFL Network report said that this year, the Jets' staff actually took the time to talk to David.
Idol Chatter
Do they forget that this is a show watched mostly be teenagers and young people?
Tony Bennett week?!
Mack the Knife is an awesome song but I don't really like the way Blake did it. I did think it was funny that Tony Bennett felt the need to point out to Blake that the song pre-dates rap music.
On Phil Stacey:
Tony Bennett: "He's one of the best singers I've heard in a long time."
Mrs. Poop: "You need to turn up your hearing aid."
Phil Stacey is the only person who can prevent Sanjaya from going home this week.
Melinda was awesome again, but we are definitely tiring of her act. Everytime someone says something nice about her she pulls her head back, tucks her chin, squints her eyes and mouths "thank you."
Paula is in rare form this week and she's wearing a weird ascot. Do you think she has a hickey?
Who the hell are squiddly and diddly?
Did they cut Sanjaya's hair? He looks normal this week. The thing with Paula was kinda gay but I think this was his best week. If you didn't know everything that happened before you wouldn't know how godawful he is.
His parents had a sign that said "Sanjaya is My Papaya." What the fuck does that mean? Just because it's the only thing even close to rhyming with Sanjaya?
I can't wait for one of Melinda's fans to bring a sign that says "Hey Melinda, Do Me a Little." I definitely think they can slip that by the producers.
Evidently, Haley did not want to go home this week. If Sanjaya's hair can keep him around then that dress should definitely have earned her one work week.
No wonder the troops love her.
I thought Simon's comment "you have great legs" was a little sexist, but I agree. And this week she decided to show off some boobie as well. A winning combination.
Bottom three this week will be Phil, Gina and Sanjaya. Phil will go home.
Tony Bennett week?!
Mack the Knife is an awesome song but I don't really like the way Blake did it. I did think it was funny that Tony Bennett felt the need to point out to Blake that the song pre-dates rap music.
On Phil Stacey:
Tony Bennett: "He's one of the best singers I've heard in a long time."
Mrs. Poop: "You need to turn up your hearing aid."
Phil Stacey is the only person who can prevent Sanjaya from going home this week.
Melinda was awesome again, but we are definitely tiring of her act. Everytime someone says something nice about her she pulls her head back, tucks her chin, squints her eyes and mouths "thank you."
Paula is in rare form this week and she's wearing a weird ascot. Do you think she has a hickey?
Who the hell are squiddly and diddly?
Did they cut Sanjaya's hair? He looks normal this week. The thing with Paula was kinda gay but I think this was his best week. If you didn't know everything that happened before you wouldn't know how godawful he is.
His parents had a sign that said "Sanjaya is My Papaya." What the fuck does that mean? Just because it's the only thing even close to rhyming with Sanjaya?
I can't wait for one of Melinda's fans to bring a sign that says "Hey Melinda, Do Me a Little." I definitely think they can slip that by the producers.
Evidently, Haley did not want to go home this week. If Sanjaya's hair can keep him around then that dress should definitely have earned her one work week.
No wonder the troops love her.
I thought Simon's comment "you have great legs" was a little sexist, but I agree. And this week she decided to show off some boobie as well. A winning combination.
Bottom three this week will be Phil, Gina and Sanjaya. Phil will go home.
One Fewer Bush at the Playboy Mansion
New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush has been bee ay en dee, band from the Playboy Mansion for an undisclosed conduct violation.
It is said that the violation did not involve a Playmate, which is how you want to get banned if you are going to get banned.
Perhaps some dude was hitting on Ciara and Bush got into a fight.
It is said that the violation did not involve a Playmate, which is how you want to get banned if you are going to get banned.
Perhaps some dude was hitting on Ciara and Bush got into a fight.
TON Loves Frivolous Lawsuits
A woman is suing her dance partner, claiming he dropped her on her head after flipping her into the air at an office party.
Lacey Hindman, 22, was a victim of "negligent dancing," says her lawyer, David M. Baum.
In the suit, Hindman claims that during a party at a Chicago bar and restaurant in April 2006, David Prange grabbed her by the forearms and tossed her in the air, and then she crashed to the wood floor.
"I was in the air, over him," Hindman said. "I fell hard enough you could hear the impact of me hitting the floor over the sound from the jukebox."
Hindman said in the suit, filed in Cook County Circuit Court, that she suffered a fractured skull and brain injuries. She is seeking damages for medical bills and lost wages for time missed from work.
Hindman worked for Prange's wife, Kate Prange, at Shop Girl, a women's boutique.
There was no immediate response to a call seeking comment from David Prange on Tuesday.
Lacey Hindman, 22, was a victim of "negligent dancing," says her lawyer, David M. Baum.
In the suit, Hindman claims that during a party at a Chicago bar and restaurant in April 2006, David Prange grabbed her by the forearms and tossed her in the air, and then she crashed to the wood floor.
"I was in the air, over him," Hindman said. "I fell hard enough you could hear the impact of me hitting the floor over the sound from the jukebox."
Hindman said in the suit, filed in Cook County Circuit Court, that she suffered a fractured skull and brain injuries. She is seeking damages for medical bills and lost wages for time missed from work.
Hindman worked for Prange's wife, Kate Prange, at Shop Girl, a women's boutique.
There was no immediate response to a call seeking comment from David Prange on Tuesday.
Real Names
For those of you that foolishly believed that Nomar and Mia Hamm named their little girls Ramon and Aim, I'm pleased to tell you the real names are Ava and Grace.
Of course Ramon and Aim are Nomar and Mia backwards.
Nomar was named for his father, Ramon, who gave his son his name in reverse.
Maybe someday Ava can do the same for a daughter of hers.
Of course Ramon and Aim are Nomar and Mia backwards.
Nomar was named for his father, Ramon, who gave his son his name in reverse.
Maybe someday Ava can do the same for a daughter of hers.
Another Close Call
The Rutgers women were the second team in two nights to take me almost to the mountaintop, only to fall short.
They pulled off that exciting upset over Duke, then powered past Arizona State and LSU.
Tennessee was just too much for them, similar to Florida over Ohio State.
Rutgers, like Ohio State had their chances, but like Ohio State they couldn't hit any outside shots.
This is not the first time a female Rutgers student teased Juice only to leave him with nothing.
They pulled off that exciting upset over Duke, then powered past Arizona State and LSU.
Tennessee was just too much for them, similar to Florida over Ohio State.
Rutgers, like Ohio State had their chances, but like Ohio State they couldn't hit any outside shots.
This is not the first time a female Rutgers student teased Juice only to leave him with nothing.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Michael is a Master Prognosticator
Congratulations to Michael for winning Paul's Poop Group in ESPN's tournament challenge.
Michael got off to a slow start but went two straight weekends - 15 games - without getting a single game wrong.
Michael's 1500 points were good enough to put him in a tie for 1606th place.
That may not sound like much but there were approximately 3 million entries.
Derrick Fleming was the winner with 1610 points, he got 58 of the 63 games right.
But back to Michael for a second. His prowess in Tournament Challenge is unparalleled. It all started in 1999 when Scoonie Friedlander led Ohio State, a 4 seed, to the Final Four, which Michael correctly predicted.
Four years later when Syracuse won it all Michael had that as well.
Thanks to all who participated, it was fun tracking the group throughout the tourney. If this were Little League you'd all be getting participation trophies.
Michael got off to a slow start but went two straight weekends - 15 games - without getting a single game wrong.
Michael's 1500 points were good enough to put him in a tie for 1606th place.
That may not sound like much but there were approximately 3 million entries.
Derrick Fleming was the winner with 1610 points, he got 58 of the 63 games right.
But back to Michael for a second. His prowess in Tournament Challenge is unparalleled. It all started in 1999 when Scoonie Friedlander led Ohio State, a 4 seed, to the Final Four, which Michael correctly predicted.
Four years later when Syracuse won it all Michael had that as well.
Thanks to all who participated, it was fun tracking the group throughout the tourney. If this were Little League you'd all be getting participation trophies.
TallSkott is a Dick
In an effort to jinx my Ohio State win ticket, which I bought at his bachelor party, TallSkott sent me a text message after Saturday's win over Georgetown.
"Easiest 80 dollars you ever made," it said.
Fuck You Fat Scat.
"Easiest 80 dollars you ever made," it said.
Fuck You Fat Scat.
CNN Shooting
A man shot a woman Tuesday at the CNN Center complex.
A witness who is a CNN employee saw a male shoot a female twice in a street-level lobby area at the northeast end of the building, near the Omni hotel, which is part of CNN Center.
Police have a suspect in custody.
The condition of the woman is unknown.
Two people were transported on stretchers to separate ambulances. It was not known whether one of them was the shooter.
Police said the woman shot was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital.
The CNN.com newsroom, which looks out over the Omni area, was temporarily evacuated.
Turner Security said a male and female were engaged in an argument and shots were fired.
Charles Williams, who works in technology services for Turner, saw a man dragging a woman by the hair one level above where the shooting occurred. The man told him to get out of the way. Williams went to get a guard, and then saw the man apparently take the woman downstairs. He heard gunshots less than a minute later.
CNN.com writer Brad Lendon said he heard a loud bang, and then saw a woman on the ground next to a potted plant near a back entrance to the CNN.com newsroom. A man stood over her "and fired at least two shots into her," he said.
After the shots, Lendon said, the gunman "looked around, his head turning in my direction. I don't know if he saw me, but at that moment the gravity of what I'd witnessed hit me. I turned away and tried to find the safest way I could out of the CNN.com newsroom."
A witness who is a CNN employee saw a male shoot a female twice in a street-level lobby area at the northeast end of the building, near the Omni hotel, which is part of CNN Center.
Police have a suspect in custody.
The condition of the woman is unknown.
Two people were transported on stretchers to separate ambulances. It was not known whether one of them was the shooter.
Police said the woman shot was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital.
The CNN.com newsroom, which looks out over the Omni area, was temporarily evacuated.
Turner Security said a male and female were engaged in an argument and shots were fired.
Charles Williams, who works in technology services for Turner, saw a man dragging a woman by the hair one level above where the shooting occurred. The man told him to get out of the way. Williams went to get a guard, and then saw the man apparently take the woman downstairs. He heard gunshots less than a minute later.
CNN.com writer Brad Lendon said he heard a loud bang, and then saw a woman on the ground next to a potted plant near a back entrance to the CNN.com newsroom. A man stood over her "and fired at least two shots into her," he said.
After the shots, Lendon said, the gunman "looked around, his head turning in my direction. I don't know if he saw me, but at that moment the gravity of what I'd witnessed hit me. I turned away and tried to find the safest way I could out of the CNN.com newsroom."
NCAA Title Game Disappointment
So I won't be winning my September Vegas bet on Ohio State, but they gave me a good ride and I had a lot of fun following the team this saeson. It was nice to have a team to root for in the tournament.
Greg Oden finally played like a dominating big man. He could not be stopped on offense and his defense was great too, and he played without fouling.
The difference in this game was the three point shooting. The final numbers were 4-23 for Ohio State and 10-18 for Florida. And those numbers were padded by 2 late makes by the Buckeyes.
Considering those numbers I'm surprised the game was as close as it turned out to be.
Florida made every big play they needed to keep OSU from getting the lead with 6. they are a worthy repeat champion and probably have to go down as one of the greatest 5 man teams in NCAA history.
Does Lee Humphrey ever miss? 15-28 from downtown in the last three games. He is the record holder for made 3-pointers in NCAA tournament play.
I'm pretty sure Oden played maybe his best college game as his last college game, but what a game it was.
Even without Oden Ohio State should have a good team next year like by Mike Conley who will be one of the best point guards in the country.
Greg Oden finally played like a dominating big man. He could not be stopped on offense and his defense was great too, and he played without fouling.
The difference in this game was the three point shooting. The final numbers were 4-23 for Ohio State and 10-18 for Florida. And those numbers were padded by 2 late makes by the Buckeyes.
Considering those numbers I'm surprised the game was as close as it turned out to be.
Florida made every big play they needed to keep OSU from getting the lead with 6. they are a worthy repeat champion and probably have to go down as one of the greatest 5 man teams in NCAA history.
Does Lee Humphrey ever miss? 15-28 from downtown in the last three games. He is the record holder for made 3-pointers in NCAA tournament play.
I'm pretty sure Oden played maybe his best college game as his last college game, but what a game it was.
Even without Oden Ohio State should have a good team next year like by Mike Conley who will be one of the best point guards in the country.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Michael Ruffin is a Douche
With about two seconds left, he catches the ball, throws it in the air, only not high enough. Morris Peterson catches it, chuecks up the game tying three and the Raptors win in OT.
Big Surprise
If you thought there was any chance that Trump was going to have his head shaved, you should have yours examined. But Pizza Parlor Derek makes an interesting point, you saw how much pub Wrestlemania got when they brought Trump in, imagine the crazy coverage it would have gotten had Trump agreed to do the job?
Mets Win!
Diesel was in midseason form, immediately hopping up to receive his treat as I said "Mets Win!" when Wagner recorded the last out.
Many of you enjoy Howie Rose's "Put It in the Books" but even though he was in a deep doggy slumber, Diesel enjoys a "Mets win!"
Hint: if you are ever taking care of Diesel and he should happen to run out the door, call "Mets win!" and he will come running back.
Your treat? The first happy recap of the 2007 season.
Many of you enjoy Howie Rose's "Put It in the Books" but even though he was in a deep doggy slumber, Diesel enjoys a "Mets win!"
Hint: if you are ever taking care of Diesel and he should happen to run out the door, call "Mets win!" and he will come running back.
Your treat? The first happy recap of the 2007 season.
Reissberg is a Good Person
The following is a message from Reissberg:
"I am training to run the 2007 NYC marathon. In order to try to gain guaranteed entry into the race and to support a cause that is very important to me and my family, I have joined Fred's Team, an organization run by Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, to raise money for cancer research (in honor of Fred Lebow, the founder of the NYC Marathon, who died of cancer). I have pledged to raise a minimum of $2500 and am hoping to gain one of the limited guaranteed spots in the race for members of the team. (If worst comes to worst and I do not get into the marathon, I will have (hopefully) raised a lot of money for a good cause and I will run the DC marathon as an alternative, which is the week earlier. So either way this is a win-win. You get to contribute money to a good cause, and I get to be in excruciating pain.)
Thank you for your support."
This is the link to Reissberg's fundraising page. There are a lot of affluent Poopheads reading this blog, I hope you will join in and help the long-faced Jew reach his goals, for a good cause. And so his father doesn't yell at him, asshole.
The marathon is months away so I'll post about this again during the summer and right before the race I'm sure.
"I am training to run the 2007 NYC marathon. In order to try to gain guaranteed entry into the race and to support a cause that is very important to me and my family, I have joined Fred's Team, an organization run by Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, to raise money for cancer research (in honor of Fred Lebow, the founder of the NYC Marathon, who died of cancer). I have pledged to raise a minimum of $2500 and am hoping to gain one of the limited guaranteed spots in the race for members of the team. (If worst comes to worst and I do not get into the marathon, I will have (hopefully) raised a lot of money for a good cause and I will run the DC marathon as an alternative, which is the week earlier. So either way this is a win-win. You get to contribute money to a good cause, and I get to be in excruciating pain.)
Thank you for your support."
This is the link to Reissberg's fundraising page. There are a lot of affluent Poopheads reading this blog, I hope you will join in and help the long-faced Jew reach his goals, for a good cause. And so his father doesn't yell at him, asshole.
The marathon is months away so I'll post about this again during the summer and right before the race I'm sure.
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