Song of the Week

"How Long" - Ace
1975 has got to be one of the worst years for music. I really couldn't find anything I liked on the list. And the few good songs were remakes. So I went with this one, even though it technically came out in 1974, it charted long enough in '75 to make the year end list.

Are You There Universe, It's Me, Margaret

A few Universe moments I have been sitting on for a few months:

1) Mrs. Poop messaged me to say a friend of Chase's kept calling Julian "Julius." Then I read this in Sports Illustrated:

On a somewhat unrelated note: how embarrassing is it for Sports Illustrated to make that mistake? And I have seen several other similarly unfathomable mistakes. I wish I could find the time they referred to the Pittsburgh Stealers.

2) I texted Master Bates to tell him that I made some money for The Spinners by playing one of their songs on my show. And he responded by saying he recently heard their version of "I'm Working My Way Back To You" (SOTW, 8/24/11 on the 80s channel because even though it was released in December 1979, it hit the charts in 1980.

3) Mrs. Poop was baking. She was adding sugar to her concoction and I kept saying "lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor." Shortly, after I was watching an episode of "I Bet You" where Phil had to go door-to-door trying to borrow a cup of sugar from Antonio's neighbors.

Meet the Matz

You could hardly hope for a better debut that what Steven Matz did for the Mets. Not only did pitch 7 2/3 innings in his debut, allowing only two runs (both solo homers, one to lead off the game) he helped his own cause with 3 hits and 4 RBI (a new Mets record for a major league debut, position players included).

But all anyone wants to talk about is his grandfather who seemed to say "holy shit" in reacting to his grandson's third hit of the game.



It really was a beautiful moment. A young man living out his childhood dream while his entire family (and one potentially sleazy agent) watched from a luxury box. And you could see the pride in his parents' faces. And when SNY spoke to his parents and it was revealed that his mom still does his laundry, Lori Matz said "he'll always be my baby."

Well, Mrs. Matz, your baby boy done good.

Hopefully this is just the first of many great moments for Matz as a Met.

And it should serve as a reminder to Mets fans during this frustrating season, there is reason to believe great things are in store for this team as Matz is just one-fifth of what could be a great starting rotation for many years to come.

The Watcher

A couple paid $1.3M for a house in Westfield, NJ and now they have fled the house and are suing the sellers for not disclosing that the house is being watched.

Shortly after they moved in the Broaddus family started receiving letters from someone called "The Watcher."

'My grandfather watched the house in the 1920s and my father watched in the 1960s. It is now my time,' wrote The Watcher. 'Do you need to fill the house with the young blood I requested?'
'Once I know their names I will call to them and draw them to me. I asked the (prior owners) to bring me young blood,' the first letter, dated June 5, read. 'And now I watch and wait for the day when they (sp) young blood will be mine again.'
'Have they found what is in the walls yet? In time they will. I am pleased to know your names and the names now of the young blood you have brought to me,' the letter reads.
'Will the young bloods play in the basement. Who has the rooms facing the street? I'll know as soon as you move in. It will help me to know who is in which bedroom then I can plan better.
Here's what drives me crazy about this. They are suing the previous owners for failing to disclose that "The Watcher" had been harassing them too.

The stalker has nothing to do with the house, he doesn't come with the house. It is a criminal engaging in criminal behavior. This is a matter for the police, not for the courts.

I'm sorry for their plight but I have to tag this "frivolous lawsuits."

Song of the Week

"You Were On My Mind" - We Five
This is not the song I expected to choose when I delved into top songs of 1965. I expected to find a bevy of Motown favorites, but this one stood out to me, I like it, and it does seem typical of the time. So let's go with it, 50 years ago, this is what popular music sounded like.

A Thin Line Between Genius and Insanity

At work a woman was eating a huge apple. Perhaps the biggest apple I've ever seen.
I said to her "it's a good thing that apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head. He wouldn't have been inspired to discover gravity. He would have gotten a concussion and probably died."

After laughing, another co-worker who overheard remarked on what a strange comment it was to make. He said it was funny but seem gobsmacked that my mind worked in such a way that something like that would come out based only on the stimulus of seeing a large apple.
Please vote whether the comment was funny or douchey, but also let me know in the comments if you think that comment is more indicative of genius, or of insanity.

Former Met Darryl Hamilton Killed in Murder-Suicide

Police have identified a man and woman found dead Sunday in a murder-suicide at a Houston home while their child was in in the house.
The bodies were found about 4:45 p.m. inside the house in the 11500 block of Island Breeze, according to the Pearland Police Department.
Police said officers were sent to the home on an emergency call about a disturbance. When they arrived, they found the body of Darryl Hamilton, 50, near the front entry way. The body of Monica Jordan, 44, was found in another part of the home.
Investigators said it appeared Hamilton had been shot more than once and Jordan died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Police said the couple's 14-month-old child was also found unharmed in the home. The infant was turned over to the state's Child Protective Services.

3000 Words

This is what the Stanley Cup looks like when it goes through airport security:

This is the winner's photo after Sam Greenwood won the $1,000 buy-in No Limit Holdem tournament at the World Series of Poker for $319,000. I post this not because of the shirtless men, but because of the girl surrounded by shirtless men who is absolutely mortified.

It's my birthday, bitch! And Mrs. Poop thinks she's Skyler White, minus the Ted incident.

What Do You Give Me For? Bart Chilton and the Painting From "Ghostbusters II"

What do you give me for Bart Chilton, former Commissioner of the CFTC and Vigo the Carpathian of Moldavia, the painting in "Ghostbusters II".

Note: we saw this movie at Damino's 11th birthday party because Mama Damino would not let us see "No Holds Barred."

The Most Exciting Mets Prospect Since Alex Ochoa

Maybe I damned Akeel Morris with faint praise with that headline as I didn't even have time to finish this post before Morris suffered one of the worst debuts in major league history.
I have been following Morris since early 2014 when I unwrapped my first Akeel Morris card in a pack of Bowman baseball cards.

Morris had been unimpressive in 2010 & 2011 and absolutely awful in 2012 going 0-6 with a 7.98 ERA while walking more than 5 batters per 9 innings. Dreadful stats.

But in 2013, something clicked. They gave up on using Morris as a starter and moved him to the bullpen, his walks fell (though 4.6 per 9 is still not great) and his strikeouts rose, to 12 per 9. His traditional stats were awesome too, a 1.00 ERA in 45 innings.

In 2014, he was even better 0.63 ERA, 3.47 BB/9 and more than 14 K/9. It was during this season, after I got the card, that I started to follow him and read more about him. He throws hard, hitting 95, and also has a great changeup.

After which the Mets added him to the 40-man roster so they wouldn't risk losing him in the Rule 5 draft.

But I was shocked when he started the season at single-A again. But once again he was dominant with a 1.69 ERA and striking out 13 men per 9.

That was good enough to get the call-up when the Mets needed someone and even though he was in single-A he was one of the few available healthy choices that wouldn't require them to bump someone from the 40-man to make room.

As soon as I saw the promotion I immediately went on eBay and bought 80 more cards for 12 bucks.

It was only for a couple days, what could go wrong?

Well everything that could go wrong did. A clearly nervous Morris couldn't locate his change-up and walked the first two batters. A potential double play was thwarted then a ridiculous bunt was misplayed, then a grounder snuck through the infield and then BOOM! a three run homer. Five runs, two outs in his major league debut. 67.50 ERA.

I still have hope my investment could possibly pay off. He still has good stuff. He still dominated the minor leagues and now he has a big league experience to build on.

The Chick That Got Panda In Trouble

Pablo Sandoval was benched for one game for clicking "like" on some instagram photos during the game. Kung Fu Panda says he grabbed the phone on the way to the bathroom during a game. And he admitted liking a couple photos. The professional shit-stirrers at Bar Stool Sports noticed this and immediately ratted out Sandoval.

Pabs knows a fine is coming and completely admits that he fucked up by violating a rule banning the use of electronic devices during the game. But he just couldn't resist the photos of diva_legacy.

We can see two big reasons he liked the pictures.

We don't know much about Miss Diva_Legacy yet, except that she likes selfies, eyebrow grooming and push-up bras. We also know she is not the former Mrs. Sandoval.
Nor is she Dubcy Romero who was purportedly Sandoval's girlfriend as recently as last year.

You can blame the guy for liking big-tittie latina hunneez but he needs to learn a thing or two about being discreet.

Where Was ThePoop When the Lights Went Out?

In the dark. The lights briefly went out in my office (though the computers stayed on) when a 20-year old woman lost control of her car, took out a utility pole and the transformers exploded.

The car was engulfed in flames but some brave policemen pulled the driver from the burning car.

Amazingly she escaped with injuries that weren't considered serious.

Look at that car, she is lucky to be alive never mind not permanently disfigured. None of the rescuers were injured.

The "P" Stands for Player

LeBron James deserves to be MVP of the NBA Finals. And it’s an absolute travesty.
If you’re saying the award has to go to the best player on the winning team you are adding factors into the voting that don’t exist.
There is a team award. It’s called the Larry O’Brien Trophy. The Warriors won it. Commissioner Adam Silver gave them that trophy. I saw it. Here’s a picture:

The MVP is different. It is an individual award given to the player (the P in MVP) whose contributions were most (M) valuable (V).
And even if there were a natural bias towards a player on the winning team (as there should be) shouldn’t this be the one exception – where one player is so transcendent and the disparity of the teams is so great that even his best efforts can’t overcome it.
He averaged 35.8 points, 13.3 rebounds and 8.8 assists. Yes his shooting percentage was poor, but again a big part of that is htat he had to take all those shots. Who else was gonna do it? You want him to give the ball to JR Smith in a key spot?
Plus, LeBron is only competing for MVP against other players in this series. He is not competing against your memories of Michael Jordan, or what you read about Bill Russell and how they single-handedly carried inferior teams to victory (they didn’t) because they are “winners.”
He was competing against Andre Iguadola who averaged less than half as many points, rebounds and assists. And he was credited for his defense on LeBron. Who still averaged nearly 36 points!!!!

The basic summary is this: if you don’t think LeBron was the MVP of this series you are stuck in a decades-old mindset where we were unable to separate individual performance and contributions from team results.
It is the same thing we fought over nearly three years ago when voters robbed Mike Trout of the MVP Award.
Individual awards should be given based on individual performance.
Having the championship title taken away from him when Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving got hurt was bad enough -- don’t steal the MVP too.

Song of the Week

"Smokey Joe's Cafe" - The Robins
Sixty years ago, in 1955, this song was played on record players everywhere. It was used in "School Ties" as an archetype of the music of the time. And if it's good enough for David Greene, it's good enough for me.

Day 104

I remember the first time I ever heard of Phineas and Ferb. Chase was very young and we walked into the Disney store and all Phineas & Ferb merchandise was 30% off. I suggested buying him a bunch of discounted items and forcing him to like the show. Mrs. Poop said she heard it wasn't a good show for kids.

Boy was she wrong.

I remember the first time I ever saw Phineas and Ferb. Though we didn't realize it until much later, it was playing on the TV in the waiting room where Chase and the grandparents waited for Julian to be born.

And four years later I was running around Epcot in the Perry the Platypus shirt trying to thwart the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

And now, it's over. After the longest summer vacation ever Phineas and Ferb's series finale will air on June 12th.

Of all the shows my kids watched over the years, no show has been smarter, more beneficial, more life-affirming (yes, life-affirming -- we only have a finite amount of time, and even if it seems long -- like a 104 day summer vacation -- we have to make the most of every day) and more fun to watch (for young and old) than Phineas and Ferb.

We have so many family jokes from that show: when I tell them what we have planned for a day I say "hey Ferbs, I know what we're going to do today" and when we attend a small party will call it an "intimate get-together."



And we ask each other, "whatchadooooin?":



That of course is the adorable Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, daughter of Vivian Garcia-Shapiro (who loves the Mexican-Jewish Cultural Festival), whose family is half "ole" and half "oy vey."

On Christmas, we sing Buford's version of "Good King Wenceslas":



"Nobody's asking you nerd!"

So of course when I heard the news that the show was ending I got sad. Not so much that the show is ending, the episodes will live on in perpetuity on our DVR (especially "Roller Coaster the Musical" and the Star Wars special), but more because that chapter in my kids' lives is ending.

And it's unlikely a new show with as much imagination, creativity and humor will ever come our way again.

So I hope we will all heed the main lesson of the show and do everything we can to make today the best day ever. And then try to make tomorrow a million and six times better.

Song of the Week

"Trap Queen" - Fetty Wap
I'm not even sure what I like about this one except maybe it reminds me a little of "Coco" (SOTW, 1/7/15). Or maybe it's because Mrs. Poop is my Trap Queen and we be in the kitchen cooking pies.
I think this guy could be the Sammy Davis Jr of a new generation.

Kitchen Dance Party

I accepted TON's challenge and had Chase and Julian perform a kitchen dance party to "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon (SOTW, 4/29/15).

Baseball is Poop

Celebrate, Good Times, Come On!
The celebrations of walk-off victories across baseball have become increasingly elaborate (and messy!)
But the Texas Rangers went way too far in welcoming Josh Hamilton back to the team and celebrating his walk-off double.



The reporter they soaked is named Emily Jones. I don't care if they love her or hate her, she's not on the team and she didn't sign up for that. It was really low class, and it was clear one bucket, the red one, was specifically destinted for her.

It called to mind a famous incident from when the Mets won the National League East in 2006. Several Mets gathered around Julie Donaldson and soaked her with beer and or champagne. It's an unfortunate analogy but it sadly reminded me of a bukkake video. A helpless woman surrounded by men pouring liquid on her face while she tries to pretend she likes it.

The Washington Nationals have taken to pouring chocolate syrup on each other. I hope no innocent reporter gets caught in the cross-fire of that one.

The Mets Are Forward Thinking For Once
I have killed the Mets over the years for refusing to embrace modern thinking in baseball and sticking to the way things have always been done, because that's the way they've always been done.
So I am pleased the Mets are at least trying something different, especially when it comes in an area as old-fashioned, deep-seeded and controversial as protecting young pitchers. The "Nolan Ryan's arm never hurt!" camp must be spinning in their graves over this, but the fact is, young pitchers are less likely to get injured if they have lighter workloads, and especially if their innings pitched totals escalate gradually instead of in big jumps.
It also goes to show the Mets understand that this year the team isn't necessarily ready to compete so they are willing to do things that may cost wins (at least theoretically) to increase the chances of being good next season and down the line.
With three young pitchers as good as Harvey, deGrom and Syndergaard, injury seems to be the only thing that can keep them from reaching their potential.

But Dillon Gee is not a good pitcher and really not good enough to do this experiment for. They had better skip his turn any time they have an off day. Also, if any contending team is willing to offer anything decent for Niese or Colon, the Mets should absolutely take it.

Pure Joy
Pirates outfielder Andrew McCutchen spotted two Pirates fans along the wall in San Diego so he gave the kids his batting gloves.
Don't you wish you could do something for someone, or have someone do for you, something that would make you as happy as these kids are?



Rewrite the Future Night
Obviously, Miami can't beat the Cubs in the 2015 World Series as predicted in Back to the Future II. But they did play each other this season, in what the Marlins billed as "Rewrite History Night" in which they gave out t-shirts and had pictures of Billy the Marlin riding a hoverboard.

Song of the Week

"Options" [corrected] - Luke James

Funny or Douchey?

I hate bananas. Just the sight of them makes me sick. But I actually like what TON has done here, making a regular disgusting, mushy, foul-smelling banana, seem like a cool bro.