Weekly Picks

Another frustrating 2 point week because I know how difficult it is to get more than 50% of your picks right. Frustrating I keep picking the wrong ones to be my best bets. Especially because the Giants game ended as a push. Proud of myself for picking Arizona. A lot of underdogs come up early in the season as lines adjust to who is actually good, as opposed to who we think is good.

detroit -4 TENNESSEE
The Lions can put up points quickly. The Titans cannot. Simple as that.

NEW ORLEANS -7 1/2 kansas city
This is when we really find out about New Orleans. Are they really going to crash and burn like this just because they don't have Sean Payton? This game should be a blowout but that pesky half-point could cost me again.

INDIANAPOLIS -3 jacksonville
I really like what I am seeing out of Andrew Luck. Hate what I see from Blaine Gabbert. He's been terrible and hasn't even thrown an interception yet. He'll throw two this week.

OAKLAND +3 1/2 pittsburgh
I've had some good luck with home dogs so far this year and the Steelers are missing a couple key defensive players.

BEST BET
green bay -3 1/2 SEATTLE
Glad Seattle beat a lifeless Cowboys team so I could continue betting against them for a few more weeks before people realize how overrated they are.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 6-4 (4 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (0-2)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (1-3)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (2-0)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (1-1)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (2-0)

Francesa Fights Back

I was driving home the day after the Mike Francesa sleeping incident hit it big and I decided to eschew my usual afternoon soul jams in favor of hoping to hear Francesa address his on-air nap. And I was not disappointed. A caller made a vague reference to it and Francesa got angry. He asked the guy (keeping him on the line but not letting him talk) "how long have I been doing this? 25 years. And how many hours a day? 5 and a half. Add that up. You can't because you don't have a brain in your head. People are jealous and they want to attack me. They can't attack the ratings. Can't attack the performance. So they attack me over 12 seconds. It didn't affect anyone, no one knew about it. Its 12 seconds in 25 years."

Note: that is not an exact quote, but it's pretty close.

Well that wasn't the end of the prank calls and it wasn't the end of Francesa's tirades.



Suggested by Master Bates

The Best Part of Being Sick

As an adult sick days suck. It's not even nice to get a day off of work, and being home is no fun. But as a kid, sick days were joyous. No school, and you could lay in bed watching TV. You could watch shows you had never seen before (remember, we didn't have DVRs back then), if a aired weekdays at 10am, you never ever saw it. I remember watching Press Your Luck on sick days. And I remember, once we got cable, watching ESPN. This was in the early days when monster truck shows and CBA replays littered the airwaves. ESPN also aired classic NFL Films Presents. The man behind those shows (which continue to this day, a great piece on John Amos, the actor, aired recently) is Steve Sabol, who started the company with his father, took over and then hosted the shows until an illness forced him out of that duty two years ago. Steve Sabol died this week.
Sabol played an essential role in the NFL's popularity with NFL Films. It was a great showcase for the game and for the players, as they pioneered the now common practice of miking up players and coaches during games. The music, of course, the music. He used to bring in an actual orchestra to NFL Films to record the music. The voice-overs from John Facenda. All that stuff made NFL Films great and Steve Sabol a legend.

Here is my favorite NFL Films segment: a poetic recap of the 1968 New York Jets Super Bowl championship season. It was called "Joe and the Magic Bean" and it was voiced by Sterling Holloway, who was also the voiced of Winnie the Pooh.

If you prefer a more serious approach. Here is Orson Welles's narration of the same clip:

It's Becoming a Thing

I have been known on Facebook to punctuate particularly fun days with a status update reading "I didn't even have to use my AK," one of the final lines from Ice Cube's classic "It was a Good Day."
Turns out I am not the only one to use this song to express a particular feeling or emotion. Superhot SI Swimsuit model Ariel Meredith did it on twitter. And responded to me reply:

The NFL is Poop - Week 2

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Josh Morgan is a fuckin moron. He knew Cortland Finnegan is the type of player who tries to get under your skin and draw penalties. And he gave in to him at the worst possible time. And the funny thing is, I was watching "Sound FX: Mike Singletary" on the NFL Network and there are a couple spots devoted to Morgan, a referee telling Singletary to tell #84 to cut it out, and another after Morgan drops a pass. He's clearly an attitude problem, another wide receiver diva, except he isn't even that good. I would cut him right away, to send a message.
Shanahan says he would have gone for it instead of kicking a 47-yard field goal, though I doubt he actually would have taken such a foolish chance.
Another good performance from RGIII. Not as good as last week, and too much running for my liking but he was effective again. It was the defense that stunk (though it got two big fumbles). And now things will probably get even worse from there since Brian Orakpo and Adam Carriker are out for the season.
But I am still targeting the 2014 season after the salary cap sanctions expire and RGIII has had more time to develop.

Victory Formation
Bush league play by Rutgers, I mean Tampa Bay ExpensiveCornPrices coach Greg Schiano, sending his players charging into the Giants formation when the game was already over. I understand about playing hard until the end of the game, but there are generally accepted practices in the NFL and even if the chance of injury was very minimal, it was still a damn stupid thing to do. I'm glad Tom Coughlin gave him a piece of his mind after the game.

The Best Team So Far
In my preseason and Week 1 predictions I suggested the 49ers were due for a falloff after their unexpected 13-3 season last year. So far they are looking to top last year's record. They beat an good Lions team at home and a very good Packers on the road. And they did it with a good combination of offense and defense. They can run the ball and pass it. They have a very weak division and half already knocked off what figures to be two of their toughest opponents.

The Only 0-2 Team in the NFC
I usually don't ascribe much value to coaching, and even less to intangible made-up terms like distraction. I heard going into Week 1 that the Redskins were in trouble because the Saints were going to be "angry." Now I hear they are "distracted." Maybe an incident like what happened to the Saints distracts some teams, angers others, and some are unaffected. Or maybe it's completely meaningless and the Saints are just having a bad year. And they do miss Sean Payton a little. Very tricky situation with them and I would avoid betting on them all season.

Game of the Week
Arizona 20 New England 18
I won't say I knew this was going to happen, because I didn't. But I will say that I felt sufficiently concerned that I picked Arizona to cover the spread. And I did not pick the Patriots in espn.com's eliminator pool (I picked the Giants and became one of 122,000 to advance to Week 3, about 30% of the starting field). But I still don't know how they lost. They couldn't score a touchdown at home against a good but not great Cardinals defense. And then when the game was almost gifted to them, they missed a game-winning field goal. Those kinds of things don't happen to the Patriots.

Game of Next Week
Atlanta at San Diego
The Falcons look really great on offense so far and the Chargers just look really great. I really believe in San Diego though they have had great starts before and folded down the stretch. But so far so good this season for the Chargers.

Weekly Ref Update
The absence of regular referees became a much bigger problem in Week 1 than Week 2. I still suspect the strike will be settled soon, possibly before Week 3. The NFL just needs to pony up extra money to keep their principle (no defined benefit retirement plans). Not that the regular refs are so great, but even the perception that the game is being compromised by replacements should be enough to get the NFL to cough up the small amount (to them) of dough needed to get the deal done.

Picture of the Week
Clay Matthews poses after making a play against the Chicago Bears.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Francisco 24 San Diego 17
The 49ers look awesome and the Chargers are off to a good start as well. Though I am worried about San Diego carrying this through until December. The 49ers look like the most complete team in the NFL. They have a running game, a passing game and an unspectacular defense that plays with solid fundamentals and sure tackling.

Song of the Week

"Fish Ain't Bitin" - Lamont Dozier
Evidently he wasn't a big fan of Pres. Nixon. But I still enjoy this soul classic.

Weekly Picks

Starting the season off with my most common result, 3-2, lose my best bet, 2 points. This week I will go with a couple teams that looked bad last week playing opponents that looked good.

SAN DIEGO -6 1/2 tennessee I really like the Chargers this year to fly under the radar. I know they got a little lucky against the Raiders but I think the Titans stink.

arizona +13 1/2 NEW ENGLAND
I actually like that Kevin Kolb is the starter. I think he is better than John Skelton. Patriots had a blowout last week, could be a closer game this time.

INDIANAPOLIS +3 minnesota
I really like Luck and think he is going to be much better this week. The Vikings looked bad in a win. I am going to try to take more home dogs this year.

PHILADELPHIA -2 1/2 baltimore
If you based this on last week alone, Baltimore should be favored by 10. But this is not last week and Vick is not going to throw 4 more interceptions.

BEST BET
NEW YORK GIANTS -7 tampa bay
This is the classic matchup I'm looking for. A good team coming off a bad loss and a bad team coming off a big win. The 7 points is a little more than I want to give but I still have confidence. And no I am not trying to jinx the Giants into an 0-2 start.

Last Week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 3-2 (2 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (0-1)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (0-1)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (1-1)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (1-0)

The Princess's Tits

An unscrupulous French magazine called "Closer" used a telephoto lens to capture Princess Kate Middleton sunbathing topless on the balcony of a huge estate in France where she was staying with Prince William.

While I feel badly that her privacy was invaded I also know you rely on me to find and deliver these pictures. So here they are.

Picture of Princess Kate Middleton topless 1
Picture of Princess Kate Middleton topless 2

I really don't think this should be such a big deal, because the pictures are so grainy, her tits look great, her body looks nice and she has nothing to be ashamed of. And no one ever got hurt from looking at a couple of breasts. But this is the world we live in, so this will be the biggest scandal ever for the next couple days until it dies down. And knowing how ruthless the paparazzi can be I think poor Kate has to give up nude sunbathing forever.

Fat Mike Francesa Falls Asleep

Few people I hate more than Fat Mike Francesa, though I do enjoy his show in small doses. But my favorite part is when he gets embarrassed. Usually it's when he doesn't know something, and tries to play it off like he does. But this time he literally fell asleep on the air while Sweeny Murti was talking. You can tell he is asleep because he stops rubbing his arm, and his head slowly falls farther away from the mic. And all of the sudden he snaps his head up, looks toward his producer and then talks to him on the talkback microphone.

What I Should Have Said Theater

Here are the first two paragraphs of President Obama’s statement on the attack in Libya:

I strongly condemn the outrageous attack on our diplomatic facility in Benghazi, which took the lives of four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens. Right now, the American people have the families of those we lost in our thoughts and prayers. They exemplified America's commitment to freedom, justice, and partnership with nations and people around the globe, and stand in stark contrast to those who callously took their lives.

I have directed my Administration to provide all necessary resources to support the security of our personnel in Libya, and to increase security at our diplomatic posts around the globe. While the United States rejects efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others, we must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

The first part is fine. Here is what he should have said instead of the last sentence he did use:
The United States will always stand up for freedom, especially freedom of speech for Americans. A movie is not sufficient provocation to attack a consulate and kill four people. Mitt Romney and his fellow Mormons aren’t burning down the theater for “Book of Mormon.” No one killed Bill Maher after “Religulous.” There were mild, non-violent protests over the ABC show “Good Christian Bitches.” We must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

Song of the Week

"We Are Never Getting Back Together" - Taylor Swift
Not sure which one of her famous boyfriends (not sure America's sweetheart should get around this much) this song is about, but I kind of like it.

The NFL is Poop - Week 1

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
This is the first time I've ever started an NFL is Poop with the rant about the Redskins. But there is good reason. I think we have the franchise QB I have been pining for since a drug-addled Lawrence Taylor broke Joe Theismann's leg. Robert Griffin III played an unbelievable game, clearly outplaying Brees. He ran only when necessary and when he passed he was spot on.
The pass to Garçon for the first touchdown was almost right on target (a little high) to hit Garçon in stride and lead him away from defenders. Maybe his best play of the game was the first one of the second quarter. He scrambled, threw to Fred Davis right on the sideline for a 26-yard gain to set up the second touchdown.
The offensive and defensive game plans got a little too conservative, allowing the Saints to get back in the game. But the schedule is pretty easy coming up (@ Rams, Bengals, @ExpensiveCornPrices) and if Griffin continues to play this well, this could turn out to be a better season than I thought. And if not this year, maybe next, or further down the road, but eventually this guy is going to develop into a great quarterback. And I don't think I'm getting ahead of myself.

Maybe Jets Fans Overreacted to the Preseason
The New York Jets just ended the most scrutinized preseason ever. And if you believe the experts, and the over-dramatic fans, you would have thought the Jets would never score a point, let alone win a game. They scored 1 touchdown in the preseason, 6 in Week 1 (4 by the offense). There is still reason to doubt Mark Sanchez, I am sure he will throw some dumb interceptions, but Tim Tebow is not going to be the reason why. And speaking of Tebow, he was in on a handful of snaps, but contributed nothing meaningful. Even though he can't be a QB, he does have value, and when the Jets figure out how to use him their offense will be even better.
But I should also caution against overreacting to Week 1.

Rookie Quarterbacks
For the first time in history 5 rookie quarterbacks started on Opening Day. Robert Griffin III was great. Andrew Luck was bad (3 INTs) but I still believe in his long-term potential. I have no confidence in Ryan Tannehill, he seems like a classic reach, especially because his old college coach probably begged for him. Brandon Weeden sucked, he may be in over his head. But he doesn't have the luxury of time, because if the Browns let him start the season on the bench, he'd be 30 by the time he got in the game. Russell Wilson is more of an enigma. I know people like his intangibles, but I like tangibles a lot more. I suspect Colt McCoy and Matt Flynn will be starting by Week 9.

Who's The Manning?
I'm pretty sure I heard something in the offseason about Peyton Manning having been injured. ESPN didn't cover it much but I'm sure it's true. He didn't look rusty at all in leading the Broncos to a win over the Steelers. Manning his getting old, and his day will come, but not right now.
Poor Steelers, their last two games, both losses, both to the Broncos to the two most disparate QBs in NFL history.

Replacement Refs
The replacement referees did just fine in Week 1. There were a few blown calls but nothing affecting the outcome of a game. And just remember, the regular officials screw up sometimes too.
There were no incidents of violence, of games getting out of control. I thought player safety was a specious argument in this case anyway. We were supposed to believe that a player would try to take advantage of inexperienced referees and deliver an illegal blow? First of all that's assuming the players are their own worst enemies. And it also ignores the fact that the league office is still reviewing those plays and has the ability to levy fines for those offenses. I think the NFL referees will come to their senses and be unwilling to risk their jobs. I predict the strike will end before Week 3.

Picture of the Week
Detroit Lions offensive lineman Jeff Backus stretches his pants so much that they become see through. Thankfully, there is a center panel sewn in there.

Game of The Week
Minnesota 26 Jacksonville 23
This could be the last time I mention these teams in this column this season. But a couple interesting things here. First of all, Maurice Jones-Drew ended his holdout, Adrian Peterson came back from injury, which was nice. Also this was the first regular season game with the new overtime rules. And the new system worked out fairly well, with the Jaguars getting a chance in OT after the Vikings kicked only a field goal on their possession. I think this is a more fair overtime system which should produce some more exciting games in the future.

Game of Next Week
Denver Broncos at Atlanta Falcons
Peyton Manning looks back. Julio Jones looks awesome. This game could be a real shootout.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Francisco 49ers 24 Baltimore Ravens 20
This would play well in the Harbaugh household. Both defenses looked good. Both quarterbacks looked good. I think the Harbaugh Bowl is a real possibility.

Is He Better Off Than He Was Four Years Ago?

On September 27, 2008, Ryan Reynolds married Scarlett Johansson.

On September 9, 2012, Ryan Reynolds married Blake Lively.

Weekly Picks

Back for another season of mediocre picks and my frustration at never getting my best bet. Week 1 is often very difficult to figure. Teams we think are pulling off upsets actually turn out to be good, and teams we thought were good had disappointing seasons.

philadelphia -9 CLEVELAND
I would have made this my best bet but didn't want to start off with a big road favorite. I really like the Eagles this year. They have a lot of talent and suffered a lot of injuries last year. Should be better this year. Also the Browns stink and Brandon Weeden may be in over his head.

atlanta -2 1/2 KANSAS CITY
The Falcons are another team I think will be better this season. They have a lot of weapons on offense and could put up a lot of points. Kansas City is always supposed to be improved, but seems like they never are.

ARIZONA +2 1/2 seattle
Seems like everyone is going nuts over the Seahawks, but I think it's a bit premature.

san diego +2 OAKLAND
I'm banking on the Chargers to finally fulfill their promise this year now that no one is expecting them to do much. They still have a lot of talent and I love Philip Rivers.

BEST BET
GREEN BAY -4 1/2 san francisco
I think the 49ers will have a hard fall back to earth this season. The Packers also will lose a few more games than they did last year but not starting with this game. The 49ers play good defense, but won't be able to shut down Rodgers.

The Incredible Shrinking Backpack

I guess Mrs. Poop put Chase's doggy backpack into the dryer.

first day of preschool

last day of preschool

But of course the doggy backpack is too immature for our kindergartner so this is what he will be sporting this year, and because of the cost, until high school.

Ready for the First Day of Kindergarten

But Mrs. Poop is going to have to get her own.

I Whip My Hair Back and Forth

I don't care what political party you affiliate with, how much convention coverage you actually watch, we can all agree on one thing: we like cute kids. So I was thrilled to see Carina Castro continue in the fine tradition of Piper Palin. While her father, San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro was speaking about her first day of school, Carina saw herself on the big screen in the arena:

Song of the Week

"Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" - Starship
"If this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other, nothing's gonna stop us now."
Happy 7th Anniversary to Mrs. Poop.
I choose this song not just because I like it but because the video is from her favorite movie, "Mannequin"

NFL Season Predictions

AFC East: New England Patriots
AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers
AFC South: Houston Texans
AFC West: Denver Broncos
AFC Wild Cards: San Diego Chargers, Baltimore Ravens
AFC Conference Championship: San Diego over New England

NFC East: Philadelphia Eagles
NFC North: Green Bay Packers
NFC South: Atlanta Falcons
NFC West: San Francisco 49ers
NFC Wild Cards: Detroit Lions, Chicago Bears
NFC Conference Championship: Green Bay Packers over Philadelphia Eagles

Super Bowl: Green Bay Packers 35 San Diego Chargers 21

Offensive Player of the Year: Philip Rivers
Defensive Player of the Year: Ndamukong Suh
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Trent Richardson
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Luke Kuechly
Coach of the Year: Norv Turner
Comeback Player of the Year: Peyton Manning

What Year is It?

For some reason my bank decided to change its routing number. That means I had to change it with every institution I have linked to my bank account for automatic payment and my employer for direct deposit. But it took one pay period for my employer to catch up, so I was sent a paycheck in the mail. An actual paycheck, on actual paper that I had to endorse and bring to the actual bank branch for deposit. At least I could use the ATM machine (that's for Razor) and marvel at the way it knows what amount the check is for. But when I got to the bank I saw that the ATM was out of order. So there I was, in 2012, bringing my paycheck to the bank, and waiting for a teller to help me deposit it. I thought for sure I had entered a time warp back to 1967.