Weekly Picks

Let's just get on with it. I am tired of reliving my misery each week. Don't understand how I am 22-22 in all other games, and 6-20 when picking home favorites.

ATLANTA -2 new york giants
I have pretty much gotten wrong every Giants game I have picked this season but I will try one more time because Atlanta lost last week and the Giants scored 52. Should regress to the mean this week.

detroit -6 1/2 ARIZONA
Rarely do you get a chance to give up this many points on the road with a team as bad as the Lions. But the Cardinals are so miserable right now it seems like a good deal.

OAKLAND -3 kansas city
I still believe the Chiefs are putrid and both their wins occurred under usual circumstances (Saints collapse, Belcher's death). This week should be normal and by normal I mean KC getting blown out again.

NEW ENGLAND -4 san francisco
I don't like to do this because the Pats played so well last week, it will be hard to replicate that against an even better defense, but the Patriots have a history of pounding people for weeks at a time.

BEST BET
TENNESSEE -2 new york jets
I hate to get carried away seeing as how bad I have been, but this is the most confidence I've had in a best bet all season. The Jets are terrible. They have only won 2 in a row because their competition has been so weak. I can't believe people are seriously talking playoffs about this horrible team. Maybe this will be the week Mark Sanchez has a good game. But I wouldn't bet on it. Would rather bet against it.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 point)
Season: 28-42 (20 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-11)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (6-20)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (6-4)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (9-11)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (7-7)

Let's Hope His Suspension Ends Before Conference Play Starts

Syracuse guard Michael Carter-Williams was detained at the mall, Destiny USA (I guess that's what used to be the Carousel Center) for shoplifting for Lord & Taylor. He put a bathrobe and gloves into his backpack in a fitting room.
Carter-Williams says the whole thing was a misunderstanding and evidently paid a $500 fine on his credit card and walked out of the store without police involvement.
The whole thing was caught on the security camera. Which shows he's so dumb he doesn't realize that every shoplifter tries to steal stuff while in the changing room, and thusly stores have cameras there.
He was stupid to try to steal the stuff in the first place, especially because with the way he has been playing he was a very big contract waiting for him next year.
Kids do stupid stuff, and in the grand scheme of things this is very minor.
But I hope people don't turn this into an argument in favor of paying college athletes. There is no way to ever pay them enough to satisfy them (even the pros complain and often go broke). I hope we don't hear that poor Michael Carter-Williams couldn't even buy his family Christmas gifts, so he had to steal them.
Big-time college athletes live the life. Everything they want, food, tutoring, respect, attention, girls, is available to them. And they do get a stipend, albeit small, but it is something.
This incident may remind some of you of Peter Warrick and Laverneus Coles getting busted for shop-lifting from Dillard's. Bobby Bowden more harshly punished Coles because Warrick was the better player. And maybe not coincidentally, Coles went on to become a much better pro.
Hopefully Carter-Williams will learn a serious lesson, sit out a game or two, and fly straight until such time as he gets drafted and signs a contract that will preclude him from ever stealing anything even again.

The Best 5 Minutes of a 6-Hour Concert

The best part of the 12/12/12 concert other than the name (I love that date) and the money it raised for victims of Superstorm Sandy was this bit by Adam Sandler:



"The Mets have sucked since 86 Isiah tried to ruin the Knicks..."

The NFL is Poop - Week 14

An Old-Fashioned Ass-Kicking
The Arizona Cardinals received the opening kickoff in their game against the Seattle Seahawks, gained 41 yards on 4 plays and were facing a 3rd and 2 from the Seahawks 37. John Skelton threw an interception and it was all downhill from there. The Seahawks eventually won 58-0. What would have happened if Skelton hadn't thrown an interception and the Cardinals scored a touchdown? The final score would have been 58-7.
That is an adaption of a line from Sammy Baugh after the 1940 NFL Championship Game, the Bears beat the Redskins 73-0. That is still the worst shutout in history. There were 2 59-0 games, including the Patriots over the Titans a couple years ago.
Pete Carroll pulled starting QB Russell Wilson with 25 minutes left, but he let backup Matt Flynn throw the ball, to get him some reps supposedly. Now people are angry at the Seahawks for running up the score. I'm sick of this. This is the NFL, players get paid. This is not Pop Warner with kids' fragile psyches at stake. You don't like them running up the score, "stop them."

Where Did They Come From?
All of the sudden the Cleveland Browns are a hot team. After an 0-5 start they have won 5 of 8, the last 3 in a row. The befuddlement that marred the beginning of Brandon Weeden's rookie season seems to have cleared. He's had 4 straight games with a 78+ passer rating (average or better) and thrown 4 TDs and 3 INTs over that time. His fellow rookie Trent Richardson has also been effective, despite a low yards per carry average, he's run for 199 yards and 4 TDs during this short winning streak. The Browns are getting hot just in time to host the Redskins.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins It's nice to have a kicker who can actually make kicks, unlike Billy Cundiff. It's nice to have a backup quarterback who can come in and make plays, unlike Rex Grossman. It's nice to have a kick returner who can break one every once in a while, unlike Brandon Banks.
And it is great to have a quarterback like Robert Griffin III. Hopefully his knee injury is mild enough that he can play this weekend.
The Redskins got very lucky on a review, after Niles Paul fumbled, the Ravens recovered it cleanly, then lost it, and in the process of regaining it, touched out of bounds. On review it was overturned, the Redskins got the ball and on that drive scored the 8 game-tying points.

Game of the Week
Dallas Cowboys 20 Cincinnati Bengals 19
Amazing comeback by the Cowboys scoring 10 points in the 4th quarter and kicking the game-winning field goal with no time remaining. But amazingly for the second straight week a team won a day after an active player died in horrible circumstances. I don't know if it was emotion or coincidence, but it is pretty impressive how both teams pulled off these victories when it might have been easier to be emotionally detached from the game. I normally don't buy into the importance of emotion or other external motivators, but if this happens a third time, I will start to believe. And I will take that team as my best bet.

Picture of the Week
David Wilson does a backflip after each of his 3 touchdowns.

Game of Next Week
San Francisco 49ers at New England Patriots
This may very well be a matchup of the league's best defense and it's best offense.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England Patriots 31 San Francisco 49ers 23
No one believes in the Falcons or Texans right now. Even though they both have the best records in their conferences, New England completely dismantled Houston and Atlanta lost to Carolina. The Falcons at least had lack of motivation on their side, but they better pick it up if they want to avoid a trip to San Francisco in the conference title game.

Song of the Week

"Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys

Bad Rappers for $100 Alex

We know that the quality of rap music has gone downhill recently. So I hate pretty much everything that comes out nowadays (and gets major radio airplay). But of all the bad things I've heard, nothing bothers me more when rappers describe the colors of their cars with a description no one would ever use.

For instance, the horrible Nikki Minaj defiled the remix of one of my favorite songs (Hold You by Gyptian, Song of the Week, 5/19/10) with "Got a new Benz the color of bacon bits." What color are bacon bits? Would anyone ever get a car in that color?

I hate mayonnaise. Why would anyone want a car that color? Is it white, off-white. Makes me sick just thinking about it. So why would 2 Chainz say "coupe the color of mayonnaise" in "Mercy" by Kanye West.

I expect those things from people like Nikki Minaj and 2 Chainz. But I expected better from Jadakiss. He's a rapper from my generation. And he's actually quite good. Except for that "Made You Look" remix with Nas, when he said "comin through the hood in the Aston Vanquish the color of dandruff." At least I know that's white.

90% of Success is Showing Up

I am against the wussification of America. I disagree with the notion that the only way to raise happy, well-adjusted children is to shield them from every possible negative occurrence until they are 18 years old. I am against the abolition of dodgeball. I am against games where everyone wins and no one loses. And I am against participation trophies. Until Chase played youth soccer.

Soccer, as it's played by the top professional in the English Premier League or Spain's La Liga is called "The Beautiful Game." It is the ultimate team game with 11 men working in unison, passing it to one another with such precision until one man has the tiniest opening to attempt to kick the ball past a goaltender who has cat-like reflexes.

When 5-year-olds play soccer, it bears no resemblance to that at all. The ball is kicked and all 10 (or 12 or 14) plays swarm around it. They kick at it until it squirts free or someone gets hurt (it's not an accident that they say shin guards are a requirement). There is no passing, just a lot of scrums and the occasional run where one player dribbles with everyone else, including his own teammates, trying to get the ball from him.

The first four weeks of the 8-week program were for training. The last four weeks they played games, if you can call them games. Chase was terrible. His skills were about average, again, only one or two kids per team actually know how to play. He was terrible because he was hardly paying attention. He was talking to someone, kicking the dirt, staring at a friend on another field. And when he did get in the game he acted as a personal bodyguard for the kid with the ball, running behind him, doing nothing.

One day when Mrs. Poop was at the game and I was home, she messaged me to tell me Chase was not even paying attention and that soccer for him at this age was a waste of time and money. Seconds later she said "never mind, he scored a goal."

As best as I can reconstruct it, Elliott "passed" him the ball and he booted it right past the goalie. He was thrilled. He told everyone. He was so proud.

And at the end of the season he got this trophy.

I understand everything you are thinking. There are no participation trophies in life. When everybody wins, nobody wins. Participation trophies breed and even celebrate mediocrity. I've said it all myself, and I still believe it.

But maybe we should put an age limit on tough love. At age 5 kids need encouragement. It's too early to separate the winners from the losers because of all the valuable things children can learn from participating in sports. Not just the development (work ethic, teamwork, socialization) but also in this age of obesity kids need exercise.

The trophy has provided Chase with pride. It made him feel like he accomplished something. And most importantly it's part of the reason he is so excited to start soccer again next fall. Plus the soccer ball on it actually spins.

Brotherly Love

Mrs. Poop did a pre-picture day photo shoot. The results are cute, and fairly typical. They wouldn't look or smile at the camera, and it ended with someone in tears.

Weekly Picks

I don't even know what to do anymore, except try to pick the Giants as my best bet. I've picked them three times, they are 0-3 ATS and 1-2 overall (ECPs, Bengals and Redskins).

atlanta -3 CAROLINA
I know the Falcons haven't been super-impressive lately but the Panthers stink. They just lost to the Chiefs. 3 points doesn't seem big enough here.

houston +3 1/2 NEW ENGLAND
That extra half-point makes Houston very attractive to me.

TAMPA BAY -7 philadelphia
The ExpensiveCornPrices are coming off a loss and can't afford another one. The Eagles are in total meltdown mode. I think the Eagles season is like a snowball rolling downhill. The worse it gets the more they quit.

SEATTLE -9 1/2 arizona
If the Cardinals struggle on offense against bad defenses what is going to happen when they play a good defense? And the Seahawks are undefeated at home.

BEST BET
INDIANAPOLIS -5 tennessee
The Colts have something special going. But they don't win big. They play a lot of close games which is probably why they aren't a bigger favorite here.

Last Week: 1-4 (0 point)
Season: 27-38 (20 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-10)
Home Favorites: 0-2 (5-18)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (6-4)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (9-10)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (7-6)

How to Explain Hanukkah To Your Kids

Happy Hanukkah to all!

Song of the Week

"This Must Be Heaven" - Brainstorm
A beautiful 1970s soul classic. Smooth beat, great male/female duet, just absolutely awesome.

The NFL is Poop - Week 13

Let Them Play
At first I was against the NFL’s decision not to delay of cancel the Chiefs game in light of the murder/suicide committed by linebacker Jovan Belcher. Undeniably it’s an horrific situation, and I think asking the team and the fans to play a game just a day after it happened was insensitive at best and unfeeling at worst. I know it would have been a major inconvenience for the fans and it would have cost the team and the networks money. I doubt anyone would have complained too loudly about being disrupted by a tragedy such as this. But in the end the game went on as planned and the NFL said it was because of Romeo Crennel and the Chiefs. And as hokey as it may sound playing the game, the normal routine, may have helped the Chiefs get over it. The team hadn’t played with a lead all season (their only win came in sudden death) and finally won another game.

"As far as playing the game, I thought that was the best for us to do, because that's what we do," Crennel said, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "We're football players and football coaches and that's what we do, we play on Sunday."
One of the most shocking parts of this is that when Belcher shot his girlfriend he fled to Arrowhead Stadium and Crennel and GM Scott Pioli were there trying to calm him down. Belcher shot himself in the head as Crennel and Pioli watched. If those are the circumstances, and Crennel still wants the game to proceed, then I’ll trust his judgement.

Better To Be Luck-y Than Good
In his first season Andrew Luck has had more incredible comebacks than most quarterbacks get in their lifetimes. When Luck threw an interception with under 7 minutes to go giving the Lions the ball and a 12 point lead, I thought the game was over.
But Luck immediately brought them back, scoring quickly on a 42-yard pass. 85 yard drive in a minute and 23 seconds. That was key because it forced Detroit to have to make a couple of first downs. They only made one, setting up Luck with 75 yards to go and 1:07 to get there.
And as time expired Luck hit Donnie Avery for the game-winning TD adding to his growing legend.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Another extraordinary game from Robert Griffin III. He ran at all the right times, threw some great passes, made plays when they needed to be made and got a little lucky. His fumble/swat that bounced right to Josh Morgan for a TD was admittedly a very fortuitous bounce.

There's a common expression in football, "the best offense is a good defense," because a good defense will set your offense up to score, or even score itself. But at the end of games the best defense is a good offense because the best way to keep a team from scoring to is to prevent them from getting the ball. When the Redskins got the ball back with 4 minutes to go I thought for sure I'd be biting my nails through a last-minute drive by Eli Manning. But Griffin ran for 8 yards on first down. Then he Pierre Garcon with what was pretty much the clincher. No points resulted from it, but that drive was crucial to winning the game.
The Redskins defense is horrible. The Giants cut through it with no problems at all. 60% on 3rd down, 5 plays of more than 20 yards, but in the second half they toughened up and made a couple key stops to secure the win.

Jumping Over a Low Bar
Greg McElroy is now the considered a savior in New York, not based on one drive, 29 yards passing and a touchdown, which was enough to win him the game and Player of the Game honors, but because he is not Mark Sanchez and not Tim Tebow.

Mark Sanchez threw up another stinker, 3 INTs in his first 9 pass attempts, and Tim Tebow was sidelined with a rib injury.

Note: not sure how serious the injury is but either he was just a decoy against the Patriots or he was benched this week so fans wouldn't start screaming his name the first time Sanchez fucked up.

Now the Jets have no choice but to start McElroy and see what happens. Sanchez has no future with them, nor does Tebow. Roll the dice with the new guy. The schedule is very favorable (@JAC, @TEN, SD, @BUF), and if they can somehow go 4-0 they have an outside shot at the playoffs.

Game of the Week
Seattle Seahawks 23 Chicago Bears 17
In any other year Russell Wilson would be a rookie sensation, the talk of the league, but in 2012, he's third-best. He led two great, late touchdown drives, one in regulation (another incredible TD by Golden Tate) and one in overtime. But had the Bears won the coin toss we might very well be talking about Jay Cutler and his 56-yard strike to Brandon Marshall setting up the game-tying field goal as time expired. A very frantic and exciting conclusion to this game.

Game of Next Week
Houston Texans and New England Patriots
This should be a shootout, and maybe an AFC title game preview.

Picture of the Week
All the football stuff pales in comparison this week to the Jovan Belcher suicide, the murder of Kasandra Perkins and the orphaning of their daughter, Zoey, 3-months.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Houston Texans 31 Atlanta Falcons 24
Nothing ever changes, and no one else is even close.

Staten Island Suicide

Felicia Garcia was a 15-year-old high school student in Staten Island. She went to Tottenville. She had a hard life, was living in foster care because both her parents died when she was younger. She was depressed and had been on medication to treat it. As many young girls do, even ones from loving homes, she sought to increase her self-esteem and popularity through promiscuity.

After a football game she went to a party. She had sex with four football players at the party.
And it had the opposite effect on her popularity. She was made fun of in school, bullied on Facebook and Twitter, and pushed to the edge literally.
She was going home from school, waiting on the platform for the train to arrive. When the train finally arrived, a friend said "finally." Felicia said "yeah, finally" and then leaned back in front of the oncoming train which could not stop in time.
A couple disturbing trends in our society came together to spell doom for Felicia Garcia. Young girls feeling the need to have sex to gain acceptance and the bullying culture that's allowed to fester and grow on the internet.

Note: This happened about a week before Sandy and I never had time to write about it until now.

3000 Words

The airhorn door-stopper, best prank ever.

I looked up cuckold in the dictionary.

Sofia Vergara eating a banana. And this is part of the reason why I don't eat bananas. Though I think she is using too much teeth here.

Go Away

The New York Jets are having a crisis, on the field, in the front office and even in the stands. Their lovable unofficial mascot, Fireman Ed is retiring. I don't really give two shits about Fireman Ed. I thought he was cool at first, when he was just a devoted fan who cared passionately about the team.

But as time passed his schtick grew old, lost its novelty and the notoriety seemed to go to his head.
And evidently I'm not the only one who feels this way, Juice even told me I shouldn't write this post because Fireman Ed isn't important enough.
And while neither Juice nor I would ever fight Fireman Ed or insult him over this but some fans did. And that is why Fireman Ed is retiring. According to him, too many fans have taken out their frustrations with the team on him. At games, in the bathroom, in the parking lot, people yell at him like he is part of the team, he isn't, or they think his tickets are comped, they're not.
So I have no sympathy for Fireman Ed, he milked his very benign gimmick for all it's worth and now, appropriately it is time for him to move on.
But if I had to choose a dog in this fight, I would pick Fireman Ed over the drunk, obnoxious louts like those heard here berating the Jets as they went into the locker room at halftime of the Thanksgiving Massacre against the Patriots.

Weekly Picks

Another debacle best bet. I have lost a best bets in many ways, but never on an 8 turnover performance. That was ugly.

CHICAGO -3 seattle
Jay Cutler is back. Seattle is off the Adderall. Maybe I'll have more on this Adderall thing in the NFL is Poop on Tuesday.

NEW YORK JETS -6 arizona
How can a team that bad be a 6-point favorite? Things tend to turn around quickly, espcially when things go that wrong.

indianapolis +6 DETROIT
I wanted to avoid the overcrowding on the Colts bandwagon but taking the points here makes too much sense.

OAKLAND +2 cleveland
Maybe I am continuing to underrate the Browns.

BEST BET
new york giants -3 WASHINGTON
Again, this is not a reverse jinx. This is a serious bet that Giants are once again ready to go on one of their ridiculous Super Bowl runs. And the Redskins only looked good the past two weeks because the Eagles and Cowboys are miserable.

Last Week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 26-34 (20 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-9)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (5-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (6-3)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (9-9)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (6-6)

Splitting the Baby

NBA Commissioner David Stern fined the Spurs $250,000 for resting their best players, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Danny Green against the Miami Heat. Not just resting them, sending them on a plane back to San Antonio.
Mostly I side with David Stern on this, not because of what Popovich did, but they way he did it. He didn't alert the league in a timely fashion as he is supposed to, which is the official rule Stern used to support his fine. And he didn't do it because his players needed rest, because if that were the case he could have given them different nights off.
He did it as a fuck you to the league for what he thought was unfair scheduling. It was the Spurs 6th road game in 9 nights so Pop was being a dick about it. I think he tanked the game in what should have been a great showdown between two top teams and a potential Finals preview. But there a lot of circumstances in Pop's favor. First of all, it's his team and he can do what he wants. Stern intervening creates a slippery slope argument. He never gets involved when playoff bound teams rest their stars late in the season. And he seldom says anything about covert tanking by bad teams trying to get a draft pick.
Don't forget, the Spurs almost won the game.
Also, Pop has done stuff like this before, resting the Big 3 all at once, I presume risking only one game, instead of 3 if he spaces out their rest days. I think he track record also speaks in his favor which is why I am so torn about this.
I really don't like punishing people based on their intentions or motivations but I totally agree that what he did and the way he did it is in fact contrary to the best interests of the league.

I Knew Horses Didn't Belong on Staten Island

Whenever I go to Staten Island to visit Mama and Papa Poop I always take the first exit after the Goethals Bridge to avoid the occasional backup on the Staten Island Expressway. I take the service road to South Avenue and then a left on Travis Ave to Richmond Ave. There are two things Chase likes about Travis, this big dip in the road that makes his stomach drop, and the horses in the backyard on the corner of Travis and Victory.
We have seen these horses several times and on each occasion we commented on how out of place these animals were in Staten Island, especially on this busy intersection, and how feeble the fence around their area was.
Our fears were realized as the Shetland pony and a zebra escaped and ran down Victory Boulevard.



Apparently the homeowner has the animals for petting zoos. And that is why he recently acquired the zebra (explaining why we had never seen it before). He says the animals escaped when he was feeding them, though I have my doubts and suspect the breached the fence.

I now wish I had photographed and written about these animals before this incident occurred.

Does Dennis Leonard Deserve a Cut?

Two people split the $588M ($384M lump sum) Powerball jackpot. One of the tickets was purchased in Missouri, so speculation has run rampant as to whether the winner picked his or her numbers based on the jerseys of Royals greats from their Golden Years of the 70s and 80s.

Here are the winning numbers: 5, 16, 22, 23 and 29. And the powerball was 6.

And here are the 6 players who supposedly inspired the winner.

George Brett, Bo Jackson, Dennis Leonard, Mark Gubicza, Dan Quisenberry and Willie Wilson.

Dennis Leonard, really? No #34 for Paul Splittorf? Or #31 for Brett Saberhagen? That's why I find this a little hard to believe. I think you could probably do this for almost any team for almost any lottery. So I am a little skeptical.

I am also a little skeptical of this video which purports to show the other winner, the Arizona ticket, checking his numbers at a convenience store. Witnesses say he scanned the ticket, shouted "I won" and took off. He hasn't surfaced since. And what was he doing in Maryland just days after buying a ticket in Arizona?

This is The Poop on Drugs

Please click on this link.

There's an hysterical site out there gizoogle.net that "shizzles" any website. It changed The Poop to Da Shizzle.

Try it with any site. The more serious the better.

Story suggested by Razor