Kitchen Dance Party

I accepted TON's challenge and had Chase and Julian perform a kitchen dance party to "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon (SOTW, 4/29/15).

Baseball is Poop

Celebrate, Good Times, Come On!
The celebrations of walk-off victories across baseball have become increasingly elaborate (and messy!)
But the Texas Rangers went way too far in welcoming Josh Hamilton back to the team and celebrating his walk-off double.



The reporter they soaked is named Emily Jones. I don't care if they love her or hate her, she's not on the team and she didn't sign up for that. It was really low class, and it was clear one bucket, the red one, was specifically destinted for her.

It called to mind a famous incident from when the Mets won the National League East in 2006. Several Mets gathered around Julie Donaldson and soaked her with beer and or champagne. It's an unfortunate analogy but it sadly reminded me of a bukkake video. A helpless woman surrounded by men pouring liquid on her face while she tries to pretend she likes it.

The Washington Nationals have taken to pouring chocolate syrup on each other. I hope no innocent reporter gets caught in the cross-fire of that one.

The Mets Are Forward Thinking For Once
I have killed the Mets over the years for refusing to embrace modern thinking in baseball and sticking to the way things have always been done, because that's the way they've always been done.
So I am pleased the Mets are at least trying something different, especially when it comes in an area as old-fashioned, deep-seeded and controversial as protecting young pitchers. The "Nolan Ryan's arm never hurt!" camp must be spinning in their graves over this, but the fact is, young pitchers are less likely to get injured if they have lighter workloads, and especially if their innings pitched totals escalate gradually instead of in big jumps.
It also goes to show the Mets understand that this year the team isn't necessarily ready to compete so they are willing to do things that may cost wins (at least theoretically) to increase the chances of being good next season and down the line.
With three young pitchers as good as Harvey, deGrom and Syndergaard, injury seems to be the only thing that can keep them from reaching their potential.

But Dillon Gee is not a good pitcher and really not good enough to do this experiment for. They had better skip his turn any time they have an off day. Also, if any contending team is willing to offer anything decent for Niese or Colon, the Mets should absolutely take it.

Pure Joy
Pirates outfielder Andrew McCutchen spotted two Pirates fans along the wall in San Diego so he gave the kids his batting gloves.
Don't you wish you could do something for someone, or have someone do for you, something that would make you as happy as these kids are?



Rewrite the Future Night
Obviously, Miami can't beat the Cubs in the 2015 World Series as predicted in Back to the Future II. But they did play each other this season, in what the Marlins billed as "Rewrite History Night" in which they gave out t-shirts and had pictures of Billy the Marlin riding a hoverboard.

Song of the Week

"Options" [corrected] - Luke James

Funny or Douchey?

I hate bananas. Just the sight of them makes me sick. But I actually like what TON has done here, making a regular disgusting, mushy, foul-smelling banana, seem like a cool bro.

Song of the Week

"Stay - Soul Lifted" - Liv Warfield
Another great neo-soul chanteuse with a smooth jam to relax to.
"I keep a clean house baby, so we can mess it up all night long, if you want to."

First Responder

Chase is marching/riding in the town's Memorial Day parade so I always walk ahead and wait at the end (a park) for him. 

I was sitting on a bench in the park minding my own business (playing candy crush on my phone) and I heard an unusual noise.

I look up and an elderly woman (70s for sure quite possibly older) is trying to catch up as her car rolls away. 

I jump up and think I'm going to have to jump in and hit the brake before it starts mowing people down. 

Eventually the woman falls down but thankfully the car hit a fence which was enough to stop it. 

I turned my attention to the driver. She told me she thought it was in park while she went to get something out of the trunk. 

When it started to roll she tried to get back in but it ran over her foot. 

A minute later the EMS and police arrived and took the woman to Mrs. Poop's hospital. 

Minor damage to the car, likely minor damage to her foot and a good test for my reflexes. Though it would have been kind of cool if I'd actually needed to hop in and apply the brake. 

Oh well. Maybe next year. 

Mrs. Poop's Pussy -- Tonsils

Mrs. Poop had strep throat. Her throat was so sore and irritated, she wanted me to take a picture so she could she what her tonsils and uvula looked like. As you can see, lots of pus on her tonsils, pussy tonsils.
Thanks to modern photography, I got this crystal clear picture.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

It's not often that we include simple bruises in our ongoing collection of gruesome sports injuries -- but it's not every day we saw a bruise such as the one JJ Watt had on his upper leg, which he says he suffered during a game last September against the Bills.

Stick To Your Guns

Ten years ago, I attended the game when Syracuse retired the #44 and I wrote about it one of my first posts on this blog.
At the time I expressed disappointment with the decision, because there really wasn't a need to do so. It's not like past #44 wearers were disrespected by it, they're honored everywhere all the time at the school.
And SU forfeited the ability to use the number as a tool in recruiting.
Now SU has reversed course, and decided to unretire the number.
I disagree with it again. If you're going to do it, even if the decision maker is no longer around, I think you just need to stick with it.
Now the University looks even worse, and perhaps it can be interpreted as a gentle insult to those they were supposedly honoring.
Generally I try not to worry about how things look to the idiotic public, but seeing as how this is a total PR move, public reaction has to be considered, and I think reversing course on this is quite embarrassing.
To make matters worse, after receiving negative press for reversing course tried to make it seem like they weren't reversing course.

Senior Vice President for Public Affairs Kevin Quinn told syracuse.com's Chris Carlson that the No. 44 will continue to be worn in a "special circumstance," and that it would take "someone extraordinary given the honor it would be to wear 44."
"Yesterday's announcement was simply a reiteration of that commitment and another opportunity to celebrate the great accomplishments of those who have worn the number with Syracuse pride and honor," Quinn wrote. "The retired #44 jersey will continue in its place of honor at Dome — as a symbol of past glories and future successes."

This adds to the embarrassment of the serious NCAA sanctions, and the ridiculous misspelling of the last name of Roosevelt Bouie on the jersey given to him at a ceremony honoring him

and wide receiver Steve Ishmael also taking the field with a misspelled jersey.

Note: I can't believe I didn't post about this misspelled jerseys when they happened considering my love for such goofs.

I'm Gonna Be a Hot Commodity at the Pool This Summer

According to the internet, something called "dad bod" is the newest trend this season. If true, Mrs. Poop is going to have to spend her summer fighting off the lifeguards from trying to take her man.

"What do Simon Cowell, Jason Segel and Leonardo DiCaprio all have in common (apart from global fame and fortune)? They all boast a 'Dad Bod'.
A what-bod, you cry? Well, allow us to explain: the Dad Bod is the latest trend for the male physique.
Where once women craved six-packs that could grate cheese and biceps the size of tree trunks, now a cuddly torso and gentle paunch is all that's required, according to a blog post written by US student Mackenzie Pearson that has since gone viral.
In her post, Mackenzie describes the Dad Bod as "a nice balance between a beer gut and working out". She continues: "The dad bod says, 'I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.' It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either."
Mackenzie argues that the physique is a hit with women because it is non-threatening, comfortable to cuddle up to and honest in the sense that it probably won't undergo any drastic transformation within the next 20 years (note: you don't have to be a father to have a Dad Bod; in fact it is perfectly acceptable to have one when you're still in your twenties). "While we all love a sculpted guy, there is just something about the dad bod that makes boys seem more human, natural, and attractive," she states.
The concept was an immediate hit with nicely squishy men everywhere, who took to Instagram without delay to show off their less-than-toned torsos and chunky arms. The account "Collegedadbods" has been quietly gaining momentum since the beginning of this year and has now become a fully-fledged homage to regular guys in all their glory."

Song of the Week

"Your Wildest Dreams" - The Moody Blues
My main reason for liking soul music and not really caring for the world of rock and pop is because those artists don't have anything to say. The songs are often a loosely connected string of words. But this song has hurt, and you can feel the singer's pain, lamenting over a love he lost, and wondering if she ever thinks about him. Once upon a time. In her wiiiiiiiildest dreams.

There's No Such Thing as Safe Sex

This is so well-written, I took it right from the NY Post:

When your parents told you about the birds and the bees, we bet they didn’t tell you that a penis up your poop chute could get you preggers.
Well, luckily, that’s because about 999,999 times in a million, it can’t. When Brian Steixner, M.D., a urologist with the Jersey Urology Group in Atlantic City, was in med school, though, he witnessed the “lucky” one in a million.
One night, a young, pregnant woman came into the emergency department complaining of spotting. While it’s relatively common for women to have light spotting during pregnancy, the blood was coming from her rectum. That — not so common.
The woman was born with what’s called a cloacal malformation. Meaning: When she was born, she didn’t have a urethra, vagina and anus. She just had one hole, called a cloaca. (FYI, birds have them.) The condition is incredibly rare, occurring in about one in 25,000 female live births, says Steixner (and it only occurs in girls — lucky us). While no one knows what causes it, it’s usually diagnosed at birth and repaired right away so that the baby has a separate urethra, vagina and rectum.
That’s what happened in this woman’s case. However, something went wrong. Either the surgery was botched or in response to the trauma of surgery, her body formed a fistula (an abnormal connection between organs), and her uterus fused to her rectum. So every month when Aunt Flo came to town, she had her period rectally. Meanwhile, her vagina was a dead end leading nowhere.
Crazy, right? During Steixner’s conversation with the woman, he says she mentioned that she exclusively had anal sex prior to getting pregnant. Well then, that would explain it: She got pregnant through anal sex. “It blew my mind,” he says. A few months later, she had a C-section (the doctors didn’t think she should attempt to “poop” out the baby), and the child was healthy, he says.
Steixner says he doesn’t know what happened to the woman after she had the baby. And while the case of a woman getting pregnant through anal sex due to a cloacal malformation is incredibly rare, being born with a cloaca can be incredibly difficult, even if it is repaired at birth.
“Building the walls to separate the three passages [the urethra, vagina and rectum] is delicate work,” he says. “The longer the walls need to be built, the closer surgeons get to the urethral and anal sphincters. Some women suffer from leakage of urine and stool their entire lives. It’s a huge psychological and quality-of-life issue.”
However, since you’re probably wondering, even if the urethra and anus don’t work 100 percent perfectly after cloacal repairs, everything — vagina included — does look pretty “normal.” Of course, no two vaginas look the same (true story!), but chances are, no guy would ever be down there, pause and ask, “What happened here?”

"I Googled Her"

Rickie Fowler's big win over the weekend was surely a nice boost to his career, but was even better for his girlfriend Alexis Randock.



After that clip of them making out on the 18th green went around the internet Google searches for her exploded. Including one from Michael Wilbon who said that after seeing her, no one can criticize Fowler ever again.

Because I know Googling someone is difficult, I did the work for you. Oh, and did I mention she is a bikini model?

Song of the Week

"Melancholy Hill" - Gorillaz
I don't really get or like their whole virtual band gimmick, but I do like this song enough.

A Brand New -- Treadmill!

Not every "The Price is Right" contestant can win a brand new car, some players have to settle for a hot tub and a treadmill.
Which is what Danielle Perez got. Only problem, -- she's in a wheelchair.


I get that it's not really their fault, they have to have the prizes set up before it is decided who will be playing for them.
Also, I don't believe you actually have to take the prize you win, you can exchange it for a prize of an equal value, or some sum of cash.
But the optics of it look pretty bad, a lady in a wheelchair trying to get excited about a treadmill she can never use.

On a happier note, another recent "The Price is Right" blooper, when model Manuela Arbalaez accidentally gave away a car:



But she's smoking hot so she got away with it.

Song of the Week

"Amenamy" - Purity Ring

The World is Full of Morons

The New York Times used the following headline for Bridgegate:

Christie Ally to Plead Guilty in New Jersey Bridge Closings

One clever twitter users changed that to Kirstie Alley (and photoshopped her picture into an NYT screen grab) and a bunch of less clever Twitter users believed the actress was involved, or maybe they were just playing along.

Song of the Week

"Shut Up and Dance" - Walk the Moon

Let's Go Mets

Finally our years of patience are paying off and the Mets are playing great.
They have an 11-game winning streak after a 2-3 start (exactly the same as the 1986 Mets) and I am loving it.
The year I turned 8 the Mets won the World Series. This is the year Chase turns 8 and he's starting to get into the Mets as well.
Obviously they are playing great, getting great pitching, timely hits and teams are not making them pay for their mistakes.

Here are some reasons to be hopeful:
1) They're due. Bad luck in close games has plagued them for years and now it could be reversing itself.
2) They're doing it without being at full strength. Wright, D'Arnaud and Wheeler are all hurt. And Mejia is suspended, though we can't be sure he'll be any good if he comes back and isn't on the juice.
3) Help is still on the way. Steve Matz, Noah Syndergaard and Rafael Montero could all be in the starting rotation by next year and Dilson Herrera, Brandon Nimmo and Michael Conforto give the Mets some good hitting prospects as well.

But there are also reasons to worry:

1) The current lineup is old, 5 regulars are 29 or older (Murphy, Duda, Wright, Cuddyer and Granderson). The starting rotation is built for long-term success, 6 - 8 years. The lineup doesn't match in youthfulness and lots of reinforcements will need to come, and develop in order for the team to have the success I desire.

2) We're stuck with Terry Collins. He's a bad manager and at some point if the Mets make the playoffs he will blow a series. But we're not getting rid of him now.
3) The fear of the trade deadline deal. It would be an absolute disaster if the Mets make a panic move in July to improve this team that trades a player like Matz or Syndergaard and brings in an older player with a limited window. The Mets must resist the talk-radio temptation to sacrifice the future to play for this year.

This is still a work in progress, but as we can all see, it's nearly finished.

Song of the Week

"Not for Long" - B.o.B. featuring Trey Songz