Congrats Tiger

In addition to all the great things Tiger did this year, one of the feats he should be proudest of is that he had sex with his wife. And now there is proof, a little Tiger is due this summer. No word on gender.

Last Year on the Poop

We saluted the amazing crop of people who were born 1 day before New Year's Eve.

Things to Do in Denver When You've Been Snowed in for a Week

Denver is getting hit with another blizzard and I can only imagine what the Freeds have been doing?

a) having sex
b) reading the Poop
c) memorizing the "Practice" speech
d) playing games (not including "hide the salami" that's mentioned in choice A
e) all of the above

Who is Angry Reader?

An ticked off poster, referring to himself only as "Angry Reader" has been harassing Pizza Parlor Derek.
I admitted to correcting a mistake on the Nation under the name Angry Reader. but I was not the author of the Erin Andrews comment ripping Derek.

I believe that one of the two men in this picture is Angry Reader. What do you think?

Piping Hot Pizza Parlor

Pizza Parlor Derek gave up on his lengthy bowl previews and went to quick hits, and over those two days his record is 8-0 (6-2 against the spread).

Saddam Hussein is Dead

While I don't mind killing a ruthless dictator, I don't see how this helps our case in Iraq, our with the rest of the Muslim world.

Not Just a Pretty Face

ESPN's Erin Andrews wants you to think of her as more than just a pretty face.



She also has a great ass!



She tells the Atlanta JC that she has to fight the stereotype that she is just a dumb blonde. "You can get off on the way you look for only so long until people figure you out. People judge you and say, 'She got her job because of her looks,' but they don't know I was up at 2 a.m. studying and reading as much as I can about the game ahead."

Andrews has always liked an audience, she grew up a dancer and while at the University of Florida she was a member of the Dazzlers, the basketball dance team.
Her father, Steve, is an investigative TV reporter in Tampa.

She's had no plastic surgery but she is not a natural blonde (Georgia Derek wanted to find that out for himself), she went blonde when she started modeling in 2000.

She's single and cringes when a nice man asks what she does for a living. When someone recognizes her when she goes out in Atlanta, she counts on her best friend to reply, "That's not Erin Andrews, but doesn't she look just like her?" Andrews used to date an NHL player. One of her on-the-job peeves is married athletes who ask her out.

The article doesn't mention anything about whether or not that kid at the Iowa game really did grab her boob.

The NFL is Poop - Week 16

The Colts are Done
Losing to Houston? They'll have to play a first week game and even if they win, they are not going into Baltimore or San Diego and winning. I think last year might have been Peyton Manning's best chance to shake off the loser label.

I Almost Got a Scarf
Watched some of Broncos-Bengals in Hi-Def on a 50-inch plasma. I love a snow game, but this was even better. Plus the game was fantastic. Sorry to see a great game like that with major playoff implications come down to a botched snap on an extra point. But it was exciting, though I was rooting for overtime.

Hate To Say It
Ok, actually I love to say it "I told you so." Even after the loss to the Bills I still predicted the Jets would make the playoffs and all they need to do now is beat the lowly Raiders. If they don't it will go down as one of the biggest choke jobs in NFL history.

Game of the Week
Tennessee 30 Buffalo 29
There were 13 scores in this game. The Titans could not stop Buffalo from scoring, but held them to five field goals which was enough. Because they have Vince Young. He started off the game on fire, completing his first 6 passes for over 100 yards and a TD. That opened the field up for him to scramble 36 yards for a TD later in the game that gave the Titans the lead. There is something to be said for a QB that knows how to win and he's proving he can balance passing and running when it counts. They'd need a miracle to make the playoffs this year, and a miracle NOT to make them next year, and for many years to come.

Game to Watch
Jacksonville at Kansas City
Could be meaningless, could mean everything. Both teams need to win and get some help.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Jason Campbell had probably his best game but for the second time this season the defense blew a 14 point lead. They could not stop the Rams in the second half, particularly Steven Jackson. Now we get a chance to ruin the Giants season. I know the Giants fans have given up but they are still in a win and your in situation and all we have to play for is that.

Cheerleader of the Week
Bibiana of the Miami Dolphins
She has lived in Miami most of her life but she was born in the Dominican Republic. She loves cooking, horseback riding (she owns three horses) and riding her new jetski.
Bibiana is only 19 years old.
It's not just me who loves Bibiana. She was named Sexiest Cheerleader of the Year by FHM. Why does she think she won? "Dolphin cheerleaders said it was because of my butt. Butts are appreciated down here."
Click the above links for more pictures of her.



If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Diego 31 Chicago 10
More will be learned after the first week of the playoffs.

Last Year on the Poop

I showed off the newest addition to my jersey collection.

I brought up an old mistake Vin Juice will never live down.

Carrie Underwood made her first appearance on the Poop.

And of course, it's December 29th, the birthday of Reissberg.

I really like what I said about it last year so I'll just update the text:

The straggler in the group, Jeremy, is finally turning 28 today.
He has spent the last 16 years serving good-naturedly as the butt of jokes from Sobel, Leary and me.
He has run into light poles, thrown house parties, been slapped and even got married.
You can see the size of a man's face, but not the size of a man's heart.
So please join me in celebrating this day 28 years ago when the doctor said to Reissberg's dad, "Congratulations, its a boy."
And he responded "give me my baby, asshole."

Tyson Arrested

Mike Tyson was arrested on drug and D-U-I charges outside a Scottsdale, Arizona nightclub.
Three officers working on a special D-U-I task force stopped Tyson at about 1:45 am after seeing him pull out of a driveway without looking. Tyson almost hit a sheriff's car.
Tyson showed signs of impairment and was arrested for driving under the influence after failing a field sobriety test.
Police found cocaine on him and in his vehicle while arresting him.

Pizza Parlor Derek Gets The Scoop

Pizza Parlor Derek was the first one to tell me about Tony Romo banging a hot blond singer (not Jessica Simpson) but Pizza Parlor favorite, Carrie Underwood.

Last Year on the Poop

We debate the "Lazy Sundays" video.

Ben Roethlisberger's old prom date shows up at a Browns game.

Steroid Cheats

Back in 2003 baseball had this great idea: "Let's subject our players to steroid testing. And when hardly any of our players test positive we'll prove there are no steroids in baseball."
But a funny thing happened, as more than 5% (rougly 100) players tested positive. That triggered testing with punishments for the 2004 season. Now a court has ruled that the names of those players can be used in a federal investigation into steroids.
And if that happens the information will definitely get leaked, touching off a whole new steroids scandal. I don't want to guess but I'd have to assume at least a few stars would be on the list. But those that aren't will have even more evidence that they never were.

Break Up the Knicks

The Knicks continue to show a lot of heart, this time by beating the Detroit Pistons in triple OT, 151-145. This time it was Channing Frye who hit the big shot (to force a third OT) and Marbury who did the rest, scoring 41.
Eddy Curry scored 33 points shooting identical 11-15 from the floor and the line.
Jamal Crawford took over in the third OT and ended with 29 points and 11 assists.
The Knicks are the first NBA team to play 3 3OT games in one calendar year (Memphis in the first game of this season and Phoenix in the first game of 2006 -- but last season). And they won all 3.
They are now 4-1 since the brawl with the only loss coming to the abysmal 76ers. Three of those wins came in OT (Jazz in 1 OT, Bobcats in 2 OT and now the Pistons in 3 OT).
I'm not ready to proclaim this team as good or even decent yet, but they're only one game out of first.

Mets Miss Out

There will be no fuckin Zito now (thanks Sciz). The San Francisco Giants jumped in and blew everybody out of the water with their offer to Barry Zito.
The Mets were unwilling to match the 7-year, $126m deal (exactly $18 per) with another year at $18m possible.
I don't fault the Mets for not matching this ridiculous offer but if he helps you win the World Series in year one and sucks for 6 years, he's worth it.
Now the Mets really need for their young pitchers (Pelfrey, Humber, Perez and Maine) to step up because Glavine, El Duque and Pedro are only a couple years from serious skill deterioration or retirement.

How Is Diesel Not On This List?

Max is still top dog in New York. The city's health department reports Max is again the most popular name for Big Apple canines. Lucky is second, followed by Princess, Rocky and Buddy. The rankings come from city dog license data. The top New York breeds are mutts, Labrador retrievers and pit bulls. City officials note only about a fifth of New York dogs have proper tags, despite a state law requiring dog licenses.

What is With These Fox News Anchors?

First you had Shep Smith wanting to give J.lo a curb job, not a blow job, then Jane Skinner kept talking about my top cock, top cock, top cop, now this:

What Do You Give Me For? Neil Diamond and Peter Gallagher

Grade these lookalikes on a scale of 1-10

Song of the Week

"Both Sides Now" - Neil Diamond
The song was originally written by Joni Mitchell. Then Judy Collins recorded it and made it a big hit. It's been covered 20-something times. I like this Skeeter Davis version too but I chose Neil Diamond since he's well known among Poopheads. Notice the way he sings, he's just sitting on a steps, so different than what you would see nowadays, he'd need pyrotechnics and dancing girls.

But focus on the lyrics. It's about trying to understand things (clouds, love, life) and looking at it from both sides, and realizing you still don't understand it. I fancy myself as quite the thinker but some things in life are just beyond comprehension. This song is about those things. I hope you will listen and enjoy and use the comments section to call me a homo if you are so inclined.

The World is a Strange Place

I don't believe in coincidences; everything in the universe is related. But some things blow my freakin mind.

When I checked last year's posts this morning I noticed a post about my shirt. And I wore that shirt yesterday, the Tuesday after Christmas two years in a row.

But today I am wearing a blue sweater. When I looked in my drawer for a napkin I discovered my old ID, which has a picture of me...wearing this same blue sweater.

Now check out the titles of the posts about two SNL skits, Lazy Sunday (which I didn't think was funny) and Dick in a Box (which I thought was hysterical).

Christmas 2006

We recently enjoyed a very nice Christmas weekend in Connecticut. Diesel was well behaved (other than inadvertently dragging his tail in the cocktail sauce) and did not knock over the tree.



We had fun baking cookies (Mrs. Poop baked, Diesal and I ate). We used special dog cookie cutters for some of them (notice the bones and fire hydrants).



Diesel got some treats in his stocking. I got some candy.




Dennis got a picture frame for his office with three pictures (The Poops on a mountain, Diesel trying to lick my ear and Diesel ocean). I got a portable DVD player which I am supposed to share with Mrs. Poop. I had to drive hom from Connecticut so she could watch "You, Me and Dupree."



Diesel poses nicely for a family photograph.

The Fast Bris

I don't usually promote web videos but this one is kind of funny and probably hits home for many Poopheads.

I Hope This Leads to Him Getting Traded

Dontrelle Willis was released from jail Friday after being charged with drunken driving when a police officer noticed him stumbling and confused outside his car in Miami Beach.
Willis told reporters gathered outside Miami-Dade County jail that he would try to set a better example for his fans: "I'll do a better job."
He was arrested around 4 a.m. after an officer noticed he had double-parked his black Bentley along a South Beach street lined with nightclubs. The officer said he saw Willis urinate on the street, so he later approached him after responding to an emergency call.
The officer said that Willis had watery eyes, slurred speech and appeared "confused and disoriented."
"He couldn't keep his balance; he had a strong smell of alcohol," police spokesman Bobby Hernandez said.
Willis, 24, was arrested and taken to a police station, where he refused a breath test, Hernandez said. He spent more than six hours in jail before being released on $1,000 bail.
Willis has been Florida's nominee for the Roberto Clemente Award, presented annually to major league players displaying a commitment to community and understanding the value of helping others, in each of the last two seasons. He was married earlier this month.

Just Doesn't Look Right

Thank You Fat Scat

I played in my first poker tournament after a long hiatus and I won, thanks to a little help from TallSkott.
At the final table I won a huge hand with A-J when a jack came on the river (my opponent had A-10, so it wasn't a bad beat, but it would have been a split pot).
The very next hand I got pocket queens. I decided not to raise all in preflop. A queen came on the turn and I checked it. Someone else went all in and I called, showing my set of Queens, over pocket kings. The river brought a fourth queen and I had 28,000 chips, 4 times second place, with only 7 left to go. I called Skott to tell him but he wasn't there.
By the time he called me back there were four left and I had taken two tough beats and was starting to get short on chips.
I had K-10 and the flop came J-A-2. For some reason Scott told me to go all in and I listened. My opponent called with pocket Jacks. No sooner did Scott say "you can still make a straight" then a queen came on the turn.
Down to head's up we had an even battle for a few hands. Then a 9 high straight came on the board, and I had a 10. That crippled my opponent and I put him to bed with a Q-6 when the first four cards were 5-4-7-8.
I won only $17 but I enjoy playing even for low stakes, so I don't care about the money, I lose or win.

Two Pretty Little Girls with Diddy Style

Sean "Diddy" Combs and girlfriend Kim Porter became the parents of twin girls Thursday morning. Diddy flew in from a movie set in Canada for the birth at a Manhattan hospital.
"Diddy received an early Christmas gift."
The first arrived at 7:56 a.m., weighing in at 5 pounds, while the second girl was delivered two minutes later and weighed 5 pounds, 4 ounces. The older twin was named D'Lila Star, after Porter's grandmother, while the younger was named Jessie James after Combs' grandmother, Zimmerman said.

What Would Be the Fine For This?

Last night Pizza Parlor Derek texted me to say that Fred Smoot has just returned an interception for a touchdown. "His celebration was using the pylon as a DSD (double-sided dildo." I really wish he hadn't been kidding. Assuming he got two cheerleaders to lie on their backs and participate I imagine the fine would start at a million dollars.

In truth Smoot tried to do a Lambeau Leap but the fans pushed him down.

As Seen on CNN

Billed as "Festivus for the rest of us," the holiday celebrated by the Costanza clan on Dec. 23 features an airing of grievances and feats of strength in which a guest must pin the host before the party ends.
In protest of Christmas' commercialism, character Frank Costanza puts up an unadorned aluminum pole instead of a tree. The metal, he says admiringly, has a "very high strength-to-weight ratio."
The Wagner Companies, a Milwaukee-based maker of hand-railing components is bringing back its line of Festivus poles for the holiday season. The company had plenty of metal rails on hand already and launched the product last year on a whim.
Last year, Wagner earned only a few thousand dollars from Festivus pole sales. But the company received some media publicity upon launch of the poles but bloggers with strong "Seinfeld" loyalties spread the news.
Wagner sold about 250 poles in 2005, with around 100 sales coming from the firm's 120 employees. This season, it sold about 300 poles by mid-December and was on pace to sell twice that number by Saturday.
Wagner offers a 6-foot Festivus pole for $38 and a 2-foot-8-inch tabletop model for $30. The setup is simple: a hollow pipe, 1.9 inches in diameter, inserted into a collapsible aluminum base.
Wisconsin Gov. Jim Doyle, a "Seinfeld" fanatic who claims to have seen every episode eight times, proudly displayed one of the company's poles last year at the governor's mansion in Madison. But Doyle said he will donate the pole to the Wisconsin Historical Museum after reports that "Seinfeld" co-star Michael Richards used racial slurs during a standup comedy routine last month.
Leto said he hoped the Richards incident wouldn't affect his company's sales.
"Fans know it was a Costanza holiday, not a Kramer holiday," he said, referring to characters Frank Costanza, played by Jerry Stiller, and Cosmo Kramer, played by Richards. "Anyway, Kramer eventually rejects the holiday at the end of the episode."
The "Seinfeld" Festivus episode developed from series writer Dan O'Keefe's childhood experiences. His father invented the holiday in the 1960s.
"As a kid, we'd come home and there'd be weird decorations," said the 30-something O'Keefe. "There was the playing of strange German and Italian pop music from the '50s. And the airing of grievances was a real thing."
Instead of a pole, his family celebration featured a clock and a bag. (O'Keefe said his father won't say what they symbolized.)

More Pageant Problems

Miss USA survived, but Miss Nevada couldn't. Racy (THESE ARE SAFE FOR WORK) photos of Katie Rees exposing her breasts and her thong, kissing other girls and simulating oral sex were too much for the tightass pageant people to handle.
Even though these pictures were taken five years ago, that didn't matter.
Thankfully we live in a country where hot young girls constantly do shit like this.

Here are the unedited NOT SAFE FOR WORK pictures.

The NFL is Poop - Week 15

We're Back Baby
The Colts showed they are still a team to be reckoned with by beating the Bengals 34-16. Their performance against Jacksonville last week (allowing 376 yards rushing) was embarrassing but their offense can be overwhelming. I still doubt Peyton Manning in the playoffs but I don't look past the Colts. I definitely don't look past the Patriots. For all their problems they are still the team that consistently gets it done. Whenever the whispers start, they get stronger. I'd be interested to see them go into San Diego the second week of the playoffs and take advantage of Marty-ball.

Could it Be?
If the slumping Seahawks lose their next two games (to San Diego and Tampa Bay) the 49ers would win the division with wins over the Cardinals and Broncos. Thought to be a horrible team at the beginning of the season the 9ers, behind old small hands and Frank Gore are actually pretty decent.

He Knows How to Win
My love affair with Vince Young continues. He had probably his worst game as a pro but the Titans still won thanks to three return touchdowns. NFL Matchup showed some flaws in Young's game (his Vick-esque hesitation to throw to open receivers) which had me worried. But as long as he keeps winning, 7 of 9, then I'll keep riding the bandwagon.

Game of the Week
Chicago Bears 34 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 31
Something is wrong with the Bears. At least according to Bill. We knew the offense was flawed, but this time Grossman actually had a good game. It was the defense and the Windy City Flyer that almost blew it. Tim Rattay relieved Gradkowski and led the Bucs to four touchdowns, two in the span of about a minute, thanks to a Hester fumble. It will be interesting to see if the Bears give a good effort this week against the Lions to right the ship before the playoffs.

Game to Watch
Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys
The Donovan-less Eagles have stepped up their game under Jeff "the Duck" Garcia. If they can win this game the Eagles will pick up the tiebreaker advantage on the Cowboys and have the inside track on the NFC East crown. The Cowboys bounced back from their Saints ass-whooping with a win over the Falcons.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Loved this game against the Saints. It was carried in the New York area so I got to see the whole thing. The Skins played great defense against Reggie Bush. Every time he tried to make a move someone else was there to clobber him. They smothered the best offense in the NFL. Campbell played well, basically making two plays (a 44 yard pass to Cooley on third down and a rifle into double coverage to Moss for a TD on the very next play). The rest of the game he avoided mistakes and did things he needed to do to keep drives alive. Joe Gibbs was once again chickenshit about going for it on fourth down deep in enemy territory, but it worked out. I actually agreed with going for 3 at the end of the game to force New Orleans to score a TD instead of giving them the chance to kick a game tying-field goal. Then the Saints drove all the way down the field, but those last few yards late in the game are the toughest to get.

Cheerleader of the Week
Alysha Castonguay of the New England Patriots Cheerleaders. Alysha goes by Alycat, Lysh or Lysha and is an Alycat in the sack. She likes singing, dancing, bowling and collecting pins. She has two dogs, Daisy and Pom-pom. Her dream job is to be a Victoria's Secret Angel and her most prized possession is her many note boxes where she keeps notes and cards from friends and family.
Here's the weirdest thing I've read in a cheerleader profile this year: "If you could be anyone in the world for a day, who would it be?: Her Majesty Queen Rania Al-Abdullah because she is an amazing gorgeous woman... and she is a Queen!"

Here's the second weirdest thing I've read in a cheerleader profile this year: "Do you have any hidden talents? : I can do push ups with my legs over my shoulders."

I guess that says it all.







If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Diego 48 Chicago 0
Someone has to win the NFC, but at this point it doesn't look like that team (whoever it is) has any chance against the AFC champion (whoever it is).

Rosie Vs. Trump

Rosie O'Donnell took some shots at Donald Trump on "The View" after the Miss USA debacle. Donald fought back, calling her everything short of "fat dyke bitch."

As Seen on CNN

Northwest Airlines Corp. has pulled the December issue of its in-flight magazine in the wake of an NBA brawl involving the magazine's cover subject, Denver Nuggets star Carmelo Anthony.

Anthony was suspended for 15 games earlier this week for his part in Saturday's brawl between the Nuggets and the New York Knicks.

"Northwest does not want to appear to condone in any way the behavior of some of the players during Saturday's game, including Mr. Anthony, by continuing to offer the current edition of WorldTraveler," the airline said in a statement.

X-Ray of Knicks' Chests Shows Heart

They may be overpaid. They may not play defense. And they definitely stink. But in the two games since the brawl, the Knicks have shown heart. Marbury's driving layup beat the Jazz in OT and now David Lee's miracle tip-in beats the Bobcats in double OT.



The Knicks have a lot of talent upfront. Curry is proving himself to be a consistent scorer but he needs a lot of work on his defense and rebounding. Channing Frye also needs to get a lot tougher but he can be a dangerous scorer, especially from the outside as a big man. And David Lee and Renaldo Balkman supply plenty of defense, rebounding and toughness. Love watching those two guys play. If they could get some decent unselfish guys in the backcourt who can stop opponents from driving the lane, they might be on to something.

Amber Needs a New Jersey

Now that Iverson is a Nugget Amber Freed needs to get herself a new jersey. Earl Boykins? Please. I think Amber is really going to enjoy the run and gun style of the Nuggets will now play and of course she'll fall in love with Iverson's hustle. It may not work out, but it's gonna be a show.

Will It Work?

My two favorite NBA players are now on the same team. But as much fun as it will be to watch Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson on the same squad, I just don't anticipate this working out.
Most importantly, they still play basketball in the NBA with only one ball.
Secondly, the Nuggets biggest problem was on defense, and this move weakens them in that area.
Lastly, the competition in the West (Phoenix, Dallas, Utah & San Antonio) is still better than the Nuggets. So at best I see a 5 seed in the playoffs and a first round loss.
If that happens there will be inevitable sniping about who gets the ball, who shoots too much and why are all the other guys not involved in the offense at all.

Same Old Song

But to a different beat since Gerry McNamara's been gone. SU lost their third game of the season, the time to Drexel. Terrence Roberts got hurt in the latter stages of the first half and SU's interior defense wasn't the same after that. The day we rely on Roberts' is the day we're in trouble. Trouble starts now. The Big East is tough as always and other than Nichols (who had another career high) none of the other guys are playing all that well. This could be an NIT year, shameful with four seniors, four more than most schools have. But I guess if the seniors were any good they'd be rookies...in the NBA.

We Love Intercourse

95% of Americans have had premarital sex. The study was done with mostly women though, so all the loser dudes out there who can't get a date would probably bring the average down.
99 percent of respondents had had sex by age 44 and even those who abstained until at least age 20, 80% had had premarital sex by 44.
Among women born between 1950 and 1978 (before girls became sluts), at least 91 percent had had premarital sex by age 30.

Song of the Week

"A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton.
You'll be asking yourself why did I pick this one. If you've watched TV in the past month you'll know that opening piano scale has been haunting your dreams because of its presence in a ubiquitous Zales commercial.



Record label link

Last Year on the Poop

Scarlett Pomers, Kyra on the CW's hit comedy "Reba", announced her eating disorder. She missed basically the entire season. But she made a triumphant return this year. Her first appearance was greeted by raucous applause from the studio audience. When asked where she had been she replied "I was getting something to eat." Later in that episode she was headed to the kitchen. Van asked where she was going and she said "to get something to eat." Van replied, "see you next year."

Matt Line-Hart was caught on a cell phone cam all over some chick at Marquis in NYC.
The story was later proven apochryphal, but not before the post that launched 27,000 hits thanks to the picture of Brynn Cameron.

Master P announced his candidacy for "Dancing with the Stars." Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

TON shows his Photoshop mastery.

The first of many "How I Met Your Mother" posts.

The Christmas party dress that brought us John Maine.

What really happened on the Vikings' sex boat.

Diesel gets rushed to the animal hospital after eating too much snow (great sedated Diesel pictures).

Thank You Sir

A legend has died. Joseph Barbera, half of the famed cartoon team of Hanna-Barbera passed away at the age of 95. Hanna died a few years ago.
The team was responsible for almost every great cartoon I watched as a kid starting with Tom and Jerry, moving on to the Flintstones (a parody of the Honeymooners), the Jetsons, Scooby Doo, Yogi Bear (Hey Boo Boo!) and so many others.
By the way, I always thought it was ludicrous when people said Scooby Doo was created by drug users, as these were in their 50s or 60s at the time.
Mrs. Poop is especially saddened by this news because of her love for the Cartoon Network's Cartoon Express which got her through many evenings, with her favorite cartoon dog, Underdog.

SNL Does Something Funny

Justin Timberlake's "Dick in a Box."
Please notice, not just the silly lyrics but the satire of those cheesy early 90s groups like Color Me Badd.
But don't listen to this at work.



I think Pizza Parlor Derek had a movie with this same plot line.

Not Just for Strippers and Starlets Anymore

Once the domain of strippers and starlets, breast augmentation appears to be catching on with increasing numbers of soccer moms.

"The typical person getting breast implants today is not the stripper, the model," says St. Louis plastic surgeon Leroy Young, who has been in practice for 26 years. "It's the girl down the street."

From 2000 to 2005, the number of U.S. women who enlarged their breasts with implants jumped 37%, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. Now that the Food and Drug Administration last month approved silicone-gel implants — generally considered more aesthetically pleasing than salt-water-filled — for breast augmentation, the procedure is expected to become even more popular.

"It's becoming more and more accepted," says Nicole Cummings, who created implantinfo.com eight years ago because she was frustrated with a lack of information about breast augmentation.

In 1998, according to the plastic surgeons' society, 132,378 U.S. women had their breasts augmented — fewer than half as many who had the operation in 2005.

In a 2003 survey funded by the Aesthetic Surgery Education and Research Foundation, Cummings asked women who logged onto her site about their age, income, education and marital status. The average age of the 3,500 respondents who had implants and the 1,625 considering them was 34. Three-quarters said they were married or in a long-term relationship. Nearly half said they had a bachelor's degree.

Considering that the cost of breast augmentation, which is not covered by insurance, starts at around $4,000, it's not surprising that nearly three-quarters reported earning $50,000 or more.

Hot Blond Girl Wins Again

Donald Trump, let Miss USA, Tara Conner off the hook. Conner had been in jeopardy of losing her crown due to her slutty behavior. Conner a small town girl moved to New York and got caught up on the party scene. She was drinking too much, apparently tested positive for cocaine and was seen kissing Miss Teen USA. But worst of all, she was missing scheduled appearances. But after a heart to heart, Trump (who owns the pageant) let her keep her crown for now.








This screws over Miss California, Tamiko Nash, who was the first runner-up and the heir to the crown.

Rascally Pug

Max the pug ran out of his house and onto the train tracks where he tried to outrun the oncoming train. Thankfully Max is about 8 inches tall and the train went right over him. He was then adopted by the conductor who eventually returned him to his rightful owner. That's one plucky pug.

Just Jenna

Babysitting

Such a Horrible Gimmick

Time Magazine named you as it's Person of the Year. What a horrible copout. As I've explained before, these promotions and "honors" are meant to sell magazines, not as a meritorious tribue to someone's accomplishments.
The argument is that user-generated sites exploded in popularity and did the most to change our society in 2006.
I can see the point but in that case why not make the youtube guys people of the year. Or pick a person who uploaded a memorable clip and make them emblematic of the movement. Or pick a 8-year old girl who's on myspace, or a 90-year old man who posts clips of his old age home on youtube. Something a little more substantial than "You!"
But as Pizza Parlor Derek points out, it's going to look great on a resume.

Rough Week for Tank Johnson

Police raided the home of Bears defensive lineman Tank Johnson on Thursday. They found six guns. Johnson is not licensed to carry firearms and was charged with six misdemeanor counts of illegal weapons possession. Willie Posey, his friend and bodyguard who lived in his basement, was charged with felony possession of cannabis.

For this the Bears suspended Johnson for Sunday's game.

Friday night Johnson and Posey went to the club. Police sources said witnesses told investigators that a man repeatedly bumped into Johnson—a 6-foot-3, 300-pound defensive tackle—on the dance floor. Posey confronted the man, striking him, and both fell on the floor, the witnesses reported. As security guards separated them, witnesses saw the other man pull a gun from his pants and fire one shot, killing Posey.

Brawl for It All

Here's what happened and why it happened in the Knicks-Nuggets brawl.

The Knicks were getting killed, by about 20, which is par for the course, but that the game been closer this incident wouldn't have happened. Then J.R. Smith did a 360 dunk on a breakaway. With less than 2 minutes left, Camby and Melo were still in the game. Isiah reportedly told Melo not to go into the paint. Either he was warning him about a hard foul, or telling him to kill the clock. Probably warning him.

So Smith gets another breakaway and Collins commits the hard foul. Justified. Smith getting up and getting in Collins' face, also justified. But Nate Robinson jumping on Smith and taking into the first row; that's went it went from a scuffle to a brawl.

And of course Melo. A complete cheap shot. I'm so disappointed in my boy Melo. Not only did he sucker punch Collins he then ran like a bitch when Jeffries came after him. The least he could have done was take on Nate Robinson.

I suspect 10 games for Melo and Robinson and 5 each for Collins and Smith. Some of the other participants, like Jeffries will get a game. And Isiah, if he's found to have instigated it, he'll get 5.

Here's the youtube clip, but the NBA keep taking them down, so I will try to keep up if this clip gets removed.

Creamy Italian

An Illinois high school student is accused of putting his bodily fluid (namely his semen) into salad dressing in the school cafeteria.
The student admitted he put the semen into a container of ranch dressing in the student commons dining area.
Ingesting semen can spread HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases.
Pizza Parlor Derek is thinking "now you tell me."
At least 50% of the girls in the class were thinking, "I think I've had this dressing before." And a few of the guys.

That reminds me of a scene from Van Wilder.

Can You Reach That For Me?

Bao Xishun is the tallest man in China, and in fact the world. He spends his days helping neighbors reach things off high shelves.
But this time he was called in for a special mission. Two dolphins got sick after eating plastic from the edge of their pool at an aquarium.
Xishun was called on to stick his 3 foot long arms down the Dolphins throats and remove the obstructions.

Crazy or Friendly?

I was in Target shopping for a Hanukah card. Out of nowhere this woman who is also in the tiny Hanukah card section shows me a card she thinks is funny. It was three snowmen, two wearing scarves and the other wearing a tallis.

Is this woman crazy or friendly?

We were in Costco trying to find a dog bed. A woman also shopping for dog beds asked what kind of dog we had then said she had a 170 pound mastiff.

Is this woman crazy or friendly?

Fighting With the Elderly

I followed up last week's fight with old people, with another brief set-to with an elderly person.
We went to Costco and the parking lot was a zoo. About five times Mrs. Poop pulled into an empty spot only to see it filled with about 15 shopping carts. So we finally chose one with only 3 carts and I got out to move them. As I was getting out of this car this old woman, who could clearly see what I was doing, dumped her cart into the spot I was about to clear.
Turns out, this old bag, left her bag in the cart. So I picked it up and said "you forgot your purse. Maybe if you weren't in such a hurry to dump your cart you would have remembered it. Next time bring your cart to the cart receptacle."

The Costco parking lot brings back great memories, because in late September-early October 2001 Mrs. Poop and I witnessed a great parking lot dispute at Costco on Staten Island.
A woman sent her daughter to stand in front of another car to prevent the other lady from taking the space. As she drove away that lady yelled out her window (in the shrillest Staten Island accent you can imagine) "what are you from Afghanistan?"