Role Models

Remember back in 2002 when a crazed shirtless man and his son jumped on the field and attacked a Royals coach?







Now the younger son, who was at the game that night, but not involved in the fracas was arrested for organizing a drive by shooting.

Michael Ligue, now 18, and four others are accused of pulling up to an apartment building while a in the car girl opened fire, using a gun she stole from her father's bedroom. They were avenging the beating of 17-year-old co-defendant Jacob Johnson's girlfriend, who was attacked by the intended victim's sister.

Ligue's father, William Ligue Jr., 39, remains in state prison on a 57-month sentence for violating his original probationary sentence. He is slated for release in June.

We can't help it, we are like our fathers.
I am between 190 and 200 pounds, just like my father.
Master Bates is an accountant, just like his father.
The Concierge knows how to fix things, just like his father.
Nails is bald, just like his father.
JusTON is hairy, just like his father.
Reissberg is rude, just like his father.

Idol Chatter

So I was wrong with all four of my predictions about who would go home.
The only thing I got right was that Sanjaya is way over with the tween girls.
Obviously they combine a much larger voting bloc than the horny dudes who couldn't keep Antonella around.

Furious that Sundance Head is gone. Thought he was really good. And we never got to see people throw foam heads at him during his performance.

Can't believe Sabrina went home. I thought she was one of the better people.

Carrie Underwood looked good but I just don't like her music.

I wish she had gotten implants too because I wanted to hear Seacrest ask again "so what else did you spend the money on?"

Great Headline

you have to see for yourself

Brady Has Strong Swimmers

According to Boston.com, sourcing a Brazilian website, Tom Brady's boys have done it again. Giselle Bundchen is pregnant. That makes two bitches the Golden Boy has knocked up in the past four months. He leads me by one, but I'll catch up.

Idol Chatter

Idol Chatter

Sanjaya must go. I absolutely hate when a male contestant sucks and their answer is to gay him up. What they did to him was ridiculous. They made him look, act and sing like a girl. But apparently he is over with the high school girls. That tween market does this every year. Some douchebag kid who can’t sing keeps hanging around (remember that red headed little douche and Chicken Little?).

None of the males are any good. I like Chris Sligh but he doesn’t seem to understand that the contest is about making people like you. Not singing songs your wife will enjoy. Sing something we’ve heard of…please. Maybe jusTON will tell me that whatever it is he sang was popular with Asian women and hairy dudes but I never heard it.

Mrs. Poop really likes the beat boxing guy and I could see why people would like him, but his songs are weird and I just don’t see him sticking around.

The women fall into two separate categories – the good black girls and the bad white girls. I hope Haley and Gina will go home this week.

I really want Antonella to stick around. Simon finally made a reference to her situation last night and commended her with the way she is handling it. People have recently tried to stir up a racial hornet’s nest about her vs. Frenchie but Antonella was not nude in any photos (BJ pics were fake, topless covering your boobs is not nude) and she did not get paid. That’s why she is still around. Although soft porn is definitely in her future if this whole singing thing doesn’t work out.

Among the good black girls there are the unattractive ones (LaKisha and Melinda) who are really awesome. And there’s Sabrina and Stephanie who aren’t great looking but have worn dresses that makes their bodies look damn good.

I said if LaKisha or Melinda looked like Antonella, they wouldn’t bother with the rest of the contest and sign her to a recording contract right now. But Mrs. Poop correctly points out that if that were the case, she’d have already been discovered.

Who should go this week: Sanjaya, Sanjaya, Sanjaya and Antonella
Who will go this week: Haley, Gina, Brandon and Phil.

Barbie Bandits are Strippers

The Barbie Bandits, a couple of young girls who robbed a bank branch in a grocery store, needed the money because evidently they weren't very good strippers.



They were seen on bank surveillance giggling and laughing as they demanded the money with a note, no weapon. They eventually got caught in part because the teller was an inside man on the job, which explains why he forked over the dough so easily. The incident caused such little stir that a customer standing behind them later told a reporter that she had no idea the bank had been robbed.

Now it turns out that Ashley Miller and Heather Johnston are 19-year old strippers.




They work the afternoon shift at Shooter Alley in Atlanta, one of the many Atlanta area strip clubs frequented by NBA players visiting the Hawks, and by Georgia Derek on his lunch break.

Miller -- stage name "Adrienne" -- and Johnston -- "Charlie" -- worked there for at least two months. A co-worker says "Charlie was always smiling, just a sweetheart. She just said she played tennis in high school. We talked about kids, relationships, never nothing about criminal stuff. Charlie was just innocent looking. She could make you laugh just by watching her dance. She could just look at you, stick her tongue out; it was funny, being kiddie."

The proceeds from the robbery were "significantly more than $500" but they never give exact figures on how much cash banks keep. Two days later Miller and Johnston went on a shopping spree at a Gucci store in Atlanta and got their hair done.

Tournament Talk

Many of us thought Syracuse's win against Connecticut clinched a tournament bid. I say, not so fast. I believe the Big East will only get 7 teams this year.
Georgetown, Louisville, Pittsburgh, Notre Dame and Marquette are all locks. That leaves Villanova, Syracuse and West Virginia battling for two spots. Villanova is in because they have a very strong RPI. If they were somehow left out I believe they'd have the best RPI ever to miss the tournament. That leaves SU vs. WVU. I firmly believe the only way both teams make it is with wins today over Notre Dame and Louisville. I picked WVU over Louisville so I think SU may be left out in the cold if they don't pull it out against the Irish.
Before you go nuts...remember that SU has a horrible non-conference SOS (played zero tournament teams) and a pretty bad RPI by Big East standards.

More Troubles for Melo

The yo-yo-ing continues in the career of Carmelo Anthony.

After the brawl with the Knicks I assumed he was due for an uptick. But the Nuggets acquisition of Allen Iverson apparently hurt Melo not helped.
An article in the Denver Post says George Karl may soon bench Melo because he's not listening, not playing defense and he's only interested in scoring (he leads the league).

I won't paraphrase the article like I normally do because it's original thought and deserves to be read in its entirety. Even though it's author is bumbling idiot on TV.

Song of the Week

Cupid's Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes
This song comes highly recommended from two of our favorite Poopheads, Mrs. Poop and jusTON

Mexican Carpet Worker Wins Mega Millions

One of the winning tickets for the $370 million (maybe more) Mega Millions jackpot was bought in Dalton, Georgia.
Mister Smisty used to live there and reports that the town is full of Mexican immigrants who enjoy gainful employment in Dalton's carpet business.
The other winning ticket was purchased in Southern New Jersey.
In other news, I went to work this morning and wasted $15 on lottery tickets, even though I know that lotteries are a regressive tax on the poor and the stupid.

Mrs. Poop's Favorite Song Not Appropriate for All Audiences

A physical education teacher at Chicago area Intermediate School was trying to use music to motivate kids during a jump-rope fundraiser.
During the school's annual Jump Rope for Heart fundraiser, P.E. teacher Kyle Hasler had a CD mix of upbeat songs put together to play while the students did jump-rope activities. The song "I'm in Love With a Stripper," by Gangsta Grillz mistakenly was added to the CD, Hasler said.
One fifth-grade student noticed the lyrics and reported it to her father. In the graphic version, mention is made of oral sex and pole dancing. A less explicit version is also available; it wasn't clear which version played at school.
Parent Stacy Stark said he pulled up the song on the Internet and was appalled at the lyrics.
"I think it's wrong, so wrong (to play the song in school)," Stark said. "It's pretty hardcore."
"That's not the type of music I listen to," said Hasler, a 17-year veteran with Minooka schools. "It was just a mistake. I was trying not to put on Lawrence Welk or Barney music. I try to do things so the kids can have fun. I regret that it was played in class and obviously it will not happen again."
King added that he can understand how Hasler didn't notice the words right away because it's hard to understand the lyrics of a lot of today's songs. The music was put together by someone else, and Hasler didn't listen to it before he played it in class.
King said from now on all music will be screened by the music department before being allowed in the classroom.
The Jump Rope for Heart program at the school raised more than $3,000 for the American Heart Association.

Does Syracuse Need to Win?

Sure seems that way. Even though Syracuse finished 5th in the Big East, a strong deep conference, week RPI and week SOS (strength of schedule) means that if they lose to UConn in the first round of the Big East tournament they could be left out. Seems strange but SU has a very weak non-conference schedule. They haven't played any tournament teams (assuming Drexel gets left out) because Oklahoma State and Wichita State both fell off.
Bottom line, I think SU should be in either way but if they don't beat UConn it's very possible they will be NIT bound.

Clarification

Evidently some of you couldn't make out what it said in the over the shoulder box for the Krispy Kreme story. Hope this helps.
Click on the picture to enlarge for a better view.

Enjoying the Flight

On Northwest's redeye Monday morning from Seattle to Minneapolis a woman was headed back to college.
Near the end of the flight someone sat next to the woman as she was trying to sleep. He touched her, which she described as spooning, lifted her shirt and then got up and left. She felt a warm fluid on her back, clothes and seat after he walked away. She told the officers he had ejaculated on her.

All He Wanted Was a Little Head From His Girlfriend

A man in Tampa is accused of ripping off a large portion of his girlfriend's scalp with a six-inch knife.

Artest Arrest

Ron Artest was arrested after a woman said he shoved her to the floor inside his home and prevented her from calling 911.
The woman reported she and Artest were arguing inside the home when he pushed her. The argument moved outside when Artest tried to leave in his Hummer.
He pushed her to the ground and then tried to leave.
The woman threw a pot at the Hummer, shattering its windshield.
We don't know the woman's relationship with Artest but a 3-year-old girl was inside the house during the incident.
"The Kings have excused Ron Artest indefinitely from any further participation with the team due to his arrest today for domestic violence," GM Geoff Petrie said in a statement.

Topps Sold

A couple of you sent me this link and I sent it to TallSkott. It's completely meaningless, nothing will change with Topps baseball cards. As a customer we don't care if the company is public or privately owned.

Topps Co. Inc., known for sports cards and Bazooka bubble gum, said Tuesday it accepted a $385.4 million takeover offer from a buyout group that includes Michael Eisner, the former chief executive of The Walt Disney Co.

The buyout group, which includes The Tornante Co. LLC, founded by Eisner, and the Chicago-based private equity firm Madison Dearborn Partners LLC, has agreed to pay $9.75 for each Topps shares, which represents a premium of 9.4 percent over the stock's Monday closing pricing of $8.91 on the Nasdaq Stock Exchange.

The deal has been approved by the Topps board.

Topps said in a statement that the deal still faces regulatory approval and a vote by Topps shareholders, but is expected to close in the third quarter.

The company also said it "intends to solicit superior proposals from third parties during the next 40 days."

Eisner stepped down in 2005 after more than two decades years as chief executive of Disney, the entertainment and media company that owns theme parks, movie studios and the ABC, Disney and ESPN television networks.

Topps was founded in 1938 and makes Major League Baseball, NFL, NBA and other trading cards. In addition to Bazooka bubble gum, it owns the candy brands Ring Pop and Push Pop.

"This will be a change in ownership, not a change in direction," Topps Chairman and CEO Arthur T. Shorin said in a statement.

Krispy Cream

Not sure if this really aired on the Augusta, Georgia NBC affiliate or if the words were superimposed later.

Welcome Back

The Redskins resigned Fred Smoot to a 5 year $25 million dollar contract.
"I thought it was a mistake to leave," Smoot said. "Not many people get a second chance to make it right. ... This is my home. I don't have to learn any new coaches. I don't have to learn any new city. It's just like moving back in that old room at my momma's house."
"I never really got comfortable there [in Minnesota]," Smoot said. "I always felt like a stepchild. .. Every time I got going, something happened. My brother died, the boat situation, the car accident. So a lot of stuff happened, and it humbled me in life."

How many double sided dildos can a man buy with $25 million?

A Little Melo is On the Way

Nuggets forward Carmelo Anthony he "probably" will miss at least one game because of the birth of his first child.
Anthony's fiancee, La La Vazquez, is due to give birth to a baby boy Tuesday.
"Oh, yeah, I'm going to be there," Anthony said of the birth.

Definitely Intentional

Duke's Gerald Henderson threw an elbow into the nose of North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough because he was pissed that Hansbrough was still in the game and playing aggressively with a 12 point lead and less than a minute to go.
Of course the announcers made apologies for him. Coach K said it was an accident. But everyone else who saw it says he looked intentional.

Tommy LaSorda Likes Porn

A new book called "Secrets of a Hollywood Super Madam" by Jodi Babydol Gibson claims that former Dodgers manager Tommy LaSorda was a frequent client.

CHAPTER 12: Gibson, who refers to herself as "Sasha", writes that she got a call from client "Jim in Chicago," who recommends Lasorda.

Lasorda: "I’m interested in spending some time with someone."

Sasha/Gibson: "Sounds fine. Have you had a chance to look at my California Dreamin’ website? Perhaps there’s someone there you like?"

Lasorda: "Actually, I have. There’s a pretty blonde on there I’d like to meet. #6."

Sasha/Gibson: "She’s a sweetie. Her name is Nanna. She’s Swedish, about 5’6’’, nice perky 34b, slim and terrific company. Perhaps you can tell me what you’re looking for? Anything in particular I should know?"

Lasorda: "Actually, Sash, I’d like to have some porn for me to watch while she sucks my dick. I’m into watching two gals together in a movie. Can she have that there?"

Sasha/Gibson: "How much time are you looking to spend?"

Lasorda: "I’m not sure, maybe an hour and a half. I don’t have that much time. How much for that?"

Sasha/Gibson: "It’s $1,000 per hour. So that would cost you $1,500. You can visit her at her place. She lives in the Hollywood area."

Lasorda: "That sounds fine, Sash. I’m looking to get together this week. I’m thinking Thursday late afternoon. I’ve got to get home to the wife for dinner."

(After the encounter)

Nanna: "He was super easy and a really nice guy. You were right on all counts, Sasha. First he requested I pop in my girl, girl porn movie. … He just loved watching all that! I noticed though that he wasn’t the aggressive type."

Sasha/Gibson: "Really? What makes you say that?"

Nanna: "Well, here I had this real hot porn movie on. He enjoyed watching the girl, girl bisexual sex scenes best. He started to take his dick out and jerk off.

"Then when I saw he was good and hard I started to suck his cock. He really liked that! Then I used your ‘swirly’ move and relaxed my throat muscles so I could take him deep into my throat.

"The great blow job skills you (Sasha/Gibson) taught me plus the porn really got him off."

Note: I had to reinsert the deleted expletives so they may not be exact. LaSorda denies these claims and is threatening to sue.

Real or Fake?

Brian Urlacher attempts to find out

Urine Trouble

For a guy with a CPA's demeanor, he has a sense of humor that a 12-year-old would envy. Maddux is a master of strategically timed nose picking, sidling up to an unsuspecting rookie in the shower and urinating on the kid's leg, and inventing just the right nickname for a teammate with big ears, a prominent schnozz or some other pronounced physical qualities.

Urinating on the kid's leg? TallSkott would love that game.

Starting Young

Idiot teenagers give pot to 2 and 5 year old kids while their mother sleeps in a back room.

Tyra Banks is So Lucky

Idol Chatter

Kelly Pickler got a boob job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm starting to give some credence that this Vote for the Worst thing might be working. Antonella and Sanjaya should definitely be gone. But as the field thins the people who vote for good singers will combine and outweigh the idiots. But no one irreplaceable has gone yet.

But I bet some of you thought that Alaina Alexander was hot. Can't believe she couldn't get through her song though.

Never sing Dixie Chicks anti-Bush songs. You will go home.

Loved LaKisha singing "Midnight Train to Georgia." That is one of my favorite songs of all time. But I would love LaKisha if she sang "Paul is a Douchebag."

The chick who sang "Dangerously in Love" was pretty good too.

Nice to see Phillippi Sparks.

Hot For Teacher

A middle school teacher accused of having sex with at least five boys -- some of them students at her school -- was arrested.
Police began investigating Allenna Williams Ward, 23, after school officials recovered a note containing inappropriate messages.
Ward, who is married, had sexual encounters with the 14- and 15-year-old boys at various locations, including in the school, at a motel, in a park and behind a restaurant, from December to this month, according to arrest warrants.
Some of the victims were students at Ward's school.
This happened in South Carolina.

JC's Bones

Knicks might be in big trouble without JC for the rest of the season. They have an outside shot at the playoffs this season but JC is their go to guy down the stretch of close games. Maybe in his absence, someone like Marbury or Francis can step up. But of course I love JC and I doubt the toughness of Starbury and Franchise. Maybe their best strategy late in close games is to chuck up bad shots and let David Lee grab the rebounds.

Jaundice

Guests at Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue party on Feb. 14 and a dozen other events may have been exposed to Hepatitis A.
The Los Angeles County Department of Public Health urged anyone who ate raw food at the Sports Illustrated event, held at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood, to receive an immune globulin shot.
The advisory was issued after an employee of Wolfgang Puck Catering was diagnosed with acute Hepatitis A.
Anyone with symptoms – such as vomiting, diarrhea, darkened urine, jaundice -- is ordered to contact their doctor immediately.
Beyonce was there and may have been exposed due to some bad oysters.

Cornbread, There's Something Wrong With That

Cedric "Cornbread" Maxwell is in trouble over some comments he made about a female referee, Violet Palmer.
Maxwell is the radio analyst for Celtics games on WEEI.
After he disagreed with one of her calls he suggested Palmer should "go back to the kitchen."
Then he followed that up with "Go in there and make me some bacon and eggs, would you?"

Song of the Week

"Don't Matter" - Akon
I liked the guy when he first came out but his first two songs from the new album were too commercial and sounded the same.
I like the vibe on this one

Oh Snap

Gruesome injury for Clippers guard Shawn Livingston. He quite obviously, dislocated his patella and an MRI revealed tears in the anterior cruciate ligament, posterior cruciate ligament, medial collateral ligament and lateral meniscus.
He's out at least 8 to 12 months and may never play again, or be the same player if he does come back.

Idol Chatter

Guys' performances were much better this week.

Sanjaya and the litte gay Hispanic kid, AJ, need to go home this week. What the fuck was up with Sanjaya's whole gimmick? He sang like he had a secret. I couldn't hear him above the band.

I like Jared Cotter because he sang one of my favorite songs ever, "Let's Get It On" and even though he wasn't anywhere close to Marvin, I still liked it. Plus whenever they say his name I hear "Harry Potter" and that makes me smile.

I love Chris with the big curly hair. He definitely married up, I know what that's like, and he's funny. But he needs to tell a new joke every week. "I bet you're wondering why I called this meeting" isn't going to last much longer. He also needs to choose a song some of us have heard of.

I hate the other Chris, the JT impersonator. Whenever he does his dance move (bouncing up and down) he moves his mouth away from the mike and his sound goes in and out. Also not sure but I think the song is about a geek who gets pussy (ie in the pink), or maybe it's about a geek who wears pink shirts. I'm sure Special K has the CD so maybe TON can explain it to me.

I liked Brandon singing "Time After Time" but I was hoping he would do a verse in Spanish like when Earl and Randy went to Mexico to bring back Catalina. I agreed with Simon that no one really cares that he dedicated the song to his grandmother. If the song sucks and the performance is boring no one is going to vote for him because of his grandmama. But it did give Simon the chance to say "I like puppies."

Love the beatboxing kid, Blake. He's going to have a hard time balancing the voters who like it, and the voters who grow sick of it though.

Loved Sundance even though he sang the same 8 words "all you wanna do is ride around Sally" 8 times. It's cool that he just had a kid. And that the kid already has a goatee. And it's only a matter of time before "We Want Head" t-shirts and signs start popping up.

Gary Matthews Jr. Implicated In Roids Ring

An Orlando pharmacy was raided by a law enforcement task force part of a large New York state grand jury investigation into Internet drug sales that could expose widespread illicit steroid use by professional athletes and thousands of people across the nation.
More than two dozen doctors, pharmacists and business owners have been, or will be, arrested in the coming days in Alabama, Texas, Florida and New York on sealed indictments charging them with various felonies for unlawfully distributing steroids and other controlled substances.
Investigators uncovered evidence that testosterone and other performance-enhancing drugs may have been fraudulently prescribed over the Internet to current and former Major League Baseball players, National Football League players, college athletes, high school coaches, a former Mr. Olympia champion and another leading contender in the bodybuilding competition.
The customers include Los Angeles Angels center fielder Gary Matthews Jr., according to sources with knowledge of the investigation.
Matthews hit 17 homers in 2005 and 19 in 2006, while raising his average to .313. In the offseason he signed with the Angels for $50 million over 5 years.

Georgia Derek Has Erin Andrews, Who You Got?

Some other blog is doing a 16-team tournament to find out the hottest female sideline reporters. I'm not going to the follow the action but I'd like to hear your opinions on the matter.




We know Georgia Derek will pick Erin Andrews, the top seed.

We know Joe Namath is pulling for the second seed, Suzy Kolber.



You think I am going to say third seeded Pam Oliver, but I'm going to go with a huge upset and say #7 seeded Rachel Nichols is the hottest girl in the field.



Watch her in action

It Worked

Pat Summitt came out onto the court during a TV timeout early in the first half wearing a Tennessee cheerleader's outfit and a silly hat. She gave the hat to Dick Vitale, led the crowd (including Peyton Manning) in the singing of "Rocky Top," then climbed atop a miniature human pyramid.
She appeared to be wearing a pair of shorts under her cheerleading skirt. Or maybe they were control top pantyhose.
Incidentally, it had the desired effect. Tennessee jumped out to a huge lead and held on to beat Florida by 10.

Pat Summitt Topless

To repay Bruce Pearl for showing up to a women's basketball game with his chest painted, Pat Summitt plans something special for the men's game against Florida.
Not sure what this entails but it probably mean her in a cheerleading sweater, doubt if she'll go the skirt route.

More Slutty Antonella Pics

These new pictures of Antonella Barba in more compromising situations seem to be real. But these Not Safe For Work Blowjob Pictures are probably fake. Even though they look a lot like her the internet seems to think it's a porn-doppelganger.

News Delivery

Over the past 5 days I've heard from almost every Poophead congratulating me on Baby Poop.
Some of you have expressed shock, surprise, outrage and even dismay that I used the blog to disseminate such news.
For us, this was a great way to share the news.
We enjoyed reading your congratulatory e-mail missives and receiving your phone calls. For us it's a much better process than making 20 phone calls and more fun than sending out one mass mail.
We're sorry if some of you felt left out or unimportant because you weren't called or notified directly.
But this is the way we chose to share our news because it was fun for us. I hope when you are fruitful and multiply that you choose to contact us in whichever medium you choose because we'd be very happy to receive your call, letter, e-mail or singing telegram.

One side note about the miscarriage. Maybe this is a thing a lot of people do feel should be private, and at first we felt the same way. As a matter of fact hardly anyone knew until February 22nd. But some people did know, and we had to talk about it a lot with doctors so it didn't feel like such a private matter. And we felt that keeping it secret gave it undue importance, made it a major issue, as opposed to what it is now, just a minor bad thing that happened once, that no longer matters.

Hopefully, should any of you in the future (god forbid) suffer that tragedy you will know that the Poops are here for you and have gone through the same thing. We took great comfort in friends of ours who had a miscarriage, followed by a healthy pregnancy and were able to support us.

Your Mother's a Hoya

Seems like SU's victory over Georgetown clinched a tournament berth, and even I would have to agree that they are in.
A win over Villanova could give them a first round Big East bye and they could once again ride a late season surge to a 5 seed or better. Most likely SU will end up as a 7 or 8 and lose in the first round, maybe second.
But this team is starting to come together at the right time and some of the younger players are contributing.
However, Boeheim is basically down to 6 men right now (Roberts, Watkins, Nichols, Rautins, Harris - five names ending in S - plus Devendorf).
I love what I have seen from Rautins. He is hitting about 60% from 3 over his last 5 games.
I also like the way Harris is developing, I've spent the whole season saying he looks like a woman and plays like a girl but he is finally getting tough rebounds.
Harris and Devendorf are way too turnover prone and force too many passes and too many drives.
Nichols never seems to have a good first half and the announcers always say some variation of "SU is down 4 with almost no production from the Big East's leading scorer."
Then he scores 14 in the second half and has 20 again.
Watkins and Roberts are finally learning their roles and executing them well and showing me something, especially Roberts who has been playing with an injured knee.

Tell Me About Halle Berry's Tits

Billy Bob Thornton has being doing a lot of press lately, including an interview where he encountered Steelers's linebacker Joey Porter.
Thornton was headed to New York and because his manager is a Steelers' fan they stopped in Pittsburgh to see a Steelers game. Thornton was on the field before the game when Joey Porter came up to him and said "hey man, you got to tell me about Halle Berry!"
I was wondering the same thing.

I Thought This Shit Only Happens in Elevators in Sitcoms

Former Met Ty Wigginton and his wife had their second child a few days before Christmas. In their house. In the walk-in closet. Ty delivered the child.

His wife, Angela, went into intense labor two weeks early so he had no choice but to deliver the baby himself.
“He was out in less than a minute,” Wigginton said. “One or two pushes, and he was ready to see the world.”
The baby was healthy. The delivery, given the circumstances, was smooth. But it was not without drama. And some chaos.
Angela lying on the floor of the walk-in closet. Their 3-year-old son, Chase, sick and scared, locked in the adjacent bedroom, screaming “Is Mommy o-tay?” Ty getting step-by-step instructions from a 911 operator, then giving Angela the phone so he could have both hands free to tie the umbilical cord with a lace he took out of his shoe.
“I think adrenaline took over. It’s kind of all a blur,” Ty said. “It was unbelievable.”
The unforgettable episode started around 3:45 the morning of Dec. 20, when Angela woke with contractions about seven minutes apart. “I asked her, 'Do we need to go?’ and she says, 'We’re all right,’ ’’ Wigginton said.
A couple of hours of more intense contractions later, Angela — who went through a 14-hour labor with Chase — changed her mind. She began getting ready for a trip to the hospital, though expecting the doctors would simply send them home. Ty was already up with Chase preparing to drop him off at Angela’s parents’ house.
“About 6 o’clock she’s in the closet trying to get dressed, and I’m getting our son ready to go out the door and she yells, 'We’re having this baby now,’ ’’ Wigginton said.
“I think she’s kidding. Then I come around the corner and, sure enough. … I called 911 and told them to get somebody over there. And like a minute later, I’m holding the baby in my arms.”
It took about 10 more minutes for the paramedics to get there, though Wigginton said it seemed like an hour.
“The baby came out and he looked great,” Ty said. “The scary part was that he never really cried until the EMTs got there, but he was breathing. His tongue was moving in and out of his mouth. I could feel his heart beating. They just told me to keep wiping his nose and mouth and keep him wrapped in a towel.”
The baby weighed 7 pounds, 2 ounces, measured 18 inches and seemed a perfect fit for the name they had already picked out: Cannon.
“He dropped just like a cannonball,” Ty said.
Wigginton has had no medical training, unless you include watching TV. “I love Untold Stories of the ER,” he said. “So maybe now we can have Untold Stories of the Closet.”
“Next time, if she even sneezes or coughs, we’re going to the hospital,” Wigginton said. “I don’t care if she is only two weeks pregnant.”

Met Gets Waxed

Madame Tussauds Wax Musuem in New York has 204 wax figures, 5 of them are Yankees (Jeter, Steinbrenner, Ruth, Mantle and DiMaggio). But there are no Mets, until April 2. That's when a new statue will be unveiled, but they haven't said who it will be.
I vote for David Wright and I really can't imagine them doing anybody else because they said it will be a current Met. And evidently the statue will have hair, ruling out Mr. Met and Carlos Delgado.

Diesel's a Son of a Bitch

A store owner in Seattle has pissed off residents by opening a pet store (catering to high end products for female dogs) by calling the store High Maintenance Bitch.

Whose Boobies Do You Want To See?

Fascinating question from Pizza Parlor Derek

And Duke Too

Psycho

Britney attacks a car with an umbrella outside K-Fed's house after he refused to give up their kids.

Idol Chatter

The hot girl from Jersey, Antonella Barba, may be voted off American Idol or possibly kicked off (I doubt it) after some pictures of her appeared on the internet. They show her peeing, baring her breasts (but covering her nipples), drinking, etc.

Moons Over My Hammy

USC hockey goalie (yes, they have a hockey team), Mickey Meyer rode his stick like a horse, dropped his bulky pants, mooned the crowd and slapped his buttocks during a game against BYU.
Meyer was angry at a referee's call.
He was “riding his hockey stick like a horse and slapping his butt,” the police officer said in his report. After pulling down his pants, Meyer slapped his bare bottom several times.
He was ejected and ticketed for lewdness.
He was replaced by the backup goalie, Matt Buttweiler. I am not making that up.
Evidently no video of the incident exists, but there is the radio call.

Britney is Fucked Up Beyond Belief

Britney Spears is back in rehab.
Maybe she's hoping three times is a charm. The emergency custody hearing that Kevin Federline wanted has been cancelled because of the new development. There will be no custody hearing today.
Federline is concerned for Spears' welfare and wants her to get help.
This will be Spears' last chance -- if she leaves rehab before getting full treatment, Federline will immediately go to court seeking orders allowing him unquestioned full custody of the children.
Spears showed up at Federline's house last night and he wouldn't' let her in.
The kids are now in the custody of Federline and have been since last week.

Where's Latifah?

Cool picture of the crowd at the NBA All-Star game. You can spot a lot of celebrities, including Queen Latifah, James Denton, Julius Erving, Bill Walton and T.O.
This site has some other guesses, some serious, some funny.
The Concierge will be combing this photo for the strippers who are sitting funny because they had anal sex with three NBA All-Stars the night before.

Billy Could Have Died

"I thought I'd share a life lesson: If you hear a crash on your roof or
ceiling; move. This happened two weeks ago and we're still cleaning up, getting our clothes from the dry cleaner and trying to replace the ceiling in our master bedroom. Fortunately, we don't own the house and we weren't injured. It happened at
2am... we heard a loud crash, I got up to go to the bathroom and 30 seconds later part of the ceiling collapsed on my side of the bed. Alison had to dive out of bed. It was scary, but we weren't hurt. Hopefully we'll get new bedroom furniture and stuff out of it. We've been sort of out of the loop because we're dealing with that and the wedding. It appears to be a construction flaw, but we're still not sure why it came down. Just wanted to share some advice. BTW - insurance is a pain to deal with, but nice to have."

Weekend in Las Vegas

Pacman Jones of the Tennessee Titans was involved in an incident at a Las Vegas strip club, Minxx, over NBA All-Star weekend.
Pacman was with Nelly and Jermaine Dupri when they started throwing singles on the stage (hundreds of em), an act called "making it rain."
At that point a Houston strip club promoter named Chris Mitchell told his girls (whom he imported from Houston) to hit the main stage and grab that cash.
But Pacman didn't want to part with the money, he was only doing it for show.
And that's when all hell broke loose.
A woman with Jones, Sadia Morrison, was soon fighting with a stripper. Bouncers rushed in.
"Jones became extremely irate, telling security to back off and 'don't touch his girls,' " the warrant stated.
Jones soon engaged the bouncers who were trying to break up the scuffle and reached behind him as if he were reaching for a gun.
The bouncers were able to move Jones out of the club and turned their attention to Morrison, who was biting security and screaming. "Sadia (Morrison) picked up a champagne bottle and hit one security guard in the head with it."
A few minutes later, outside the club, a man with a cornrow hairdo fired a semi-automatic handgun, striking the bouncer, a security guard and a female customer.
The club owner said when one of the strippers started grabbing the money without Jones' permission, he got angry, grabbed her hair and slammed her head against the stage.
Jones is not a suspect in the shooting but it is believed the shooter, who hasn't been caught, was part of his entourage.
As for the club promoter, Mitchell, police searched his room and found $81,000 in cash in a black garbage bag. Police think that is Jones' money.

It's Gotta Be The Shoes

Charlie Weis Gets No Restitution

A few years ago, when he was still with the New England Patriots, Charlie Weis had gastric bypass surgery because he thought he was too heavy to be considered a candidate for a head coaching job.
But his surgery went wrong and he almost died. After which he said "Al Roker can take all that happy shit and shove it up his ass."
Weis should have known that no surgery is without risks, but he blames his doctors.
Weis says Drs. Ferguson and Hodin acted negligently by failing to recognize life-threatening internal bleeding and infection after his surgery.
The case went to trial, Tom Brady testified on Weis' behalf but a mistrial was declared.
A juror collapsed and all the doctors in the courtroom, including the two defendants, rushed to his aid.
After that, Weis' lawyers called for a mistrial evidently feeling as if that juror, and the other jurors, would look favorably upon the doctors.

As Seen on CNN

An man heard a neighbor watching porn, but mistakenly thought a woman was being raped.
Bret Stieghorst was watching an adult movie with the volume up loud. His downstairs neighbor, James Van Iveren, heard a woman screaming in the movie, but thought a woman was actually being attacked. Instead of calling police, he took matters into his own hands, ran up the stairs and broke down the door, all while brandishing a three-foot long military-style sword.
"He comes in with this three-foot long sword and starts pointing it at me, and going, 'Where is she?'" Stieghorst said.
Van Iveren continued to point the sword at Stieghorst while he searched the apartment to make sure no woman was being held against her will. When Van Iveren did not find anyone else in the apartment, he left.
Van Iveren was charged with criminal trespass while using a dangerous weapon, criminal damage to property while using a dangerous weapon and disorderly conduct while using a dangerous weapon, misdemeanors which carry a maximum total penalty of 33 months in jail.
"The fact that he was at least trying to do something good, that's at least good," Stieghorst said.
"It was a woman screaming," Van Iveren said. "She was screaming for help."
He grabbed the sword, a family heirloom, bounded up the stairs to the other apartment, kicked in the door and confronted Stieghorst.
"I intended to hold it behind my back and knock. But I froze and instead, what happened happened," Van Iveren said. "Now I feel stupid. This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake."
Van Iveren said that he does not have a telephone, so he could not call police when he heard the calls for help. He said he barely knew Stieghorst.
Stieghorst said the incident will not deter him from watching pornography, but he'll have to alter his viewing habits.
"I'm just going to watch it with the sound down, or I'll buy myself some decent headphones," he said.

A Change is Gonna Come II

Starting Monday I will be changing my work hours. I am going to the evening shift, 3pm to 11pm. I will be working Sunday - Thursday. I will almost never see Mrs. Poop but Diesel will have constant companionship, me in the mornings, and Mrs. Poop in the afternoons when she wakes up.
I am not being promoted or demoted, I am making a lateral move, but one that I hope will position me better for my next career advancement.
I do not like my new hours but I realize they are necessary. I will hope to come back to the morning shift as soon as possible, but that probably won't be for another 6-9 months at the earliest, barring other personnel changes.
I will watch almost no sports anymore, other than what I DVR.
I will attend almost no Met games this season other than Friday nights.
But I will be much better rested.
I do not know what this means for the future of the blog, but if you are one of those people who checks early in the morning or at lunchtime, you probably won't be seeing new posts. Most of the posting will come from late at night, or maybe in the afternoon before I leave for work.

A Change Is Gonna Come I

Mrs. Poop is pregnant!
Yesterday we had our 12 week (roughly) ultrasound and everything looks good.
We will not be finding out the gender (unless Mrs. Poop changes her mind) and although we have an agreement in terms on first and middle names for both possibilities, we will not be sharing those with anyone (unless Mrs. Poop changes her mind).
We are sharing this information on February 22nd because that was the due date for our first pregnancy which miscarried over the summer.
We were also told that this pregnancy would probably end in miscarriage but the ultrasound to confirm it, showed a healthy baby with a heartbeat.
Two subsequent ultrasounds showed healthy and normal development so we expecting a baby on or about September 9th.

Song of the Week

"Forever My Lady" - Jodeci

One of the first R&B songs I ever really liked, from the group that really got me into R&B.

Another Hour of Gay Nicknames

ABC has decided to pursue a spinoff of the hugely successful medical drama, "Grey's Anatomy". Leaving the show to anchor the new show would be one of its most popular characters: Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd, a sexy neonatal-surgeon played by Kate Walsh.
The general plot is still a work in progress and "Grey's Anatomy" creator Shonda Rhimes hasn't settled on a title.
But Ms. Rhimes recently told the cast about the project and agreed to write a special two-hour episode that will serve as a pilot for the new series.
ABC is likely to air the special in May -- in time for the network to decide whether to pick up the spinoff before unveiling its fall schedule to advertisers and media buyers.
Despite moving to highly competitive Thursday from Sunday last fall, "Grey's Anatomy" is notching some of its best ratings ever. Last week, 26 million people tuned in to watch the doctors and medical students at Seattle Grace Hospital cope with the fallout of a ferry crash.
At the same time, the ensemble show, now in its third season, has an abundance of strong characters, including Ellen Pompeo as Dr. Meredith Grey and Patrick Dempsey as Dr. Derek Shepherd. Ms. Rhimes recently said it was difficult fitting all 12 "Grey's Anatomy" regulars into storylines.
Ms. Walsh's Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd joined the show in May 2005, appearing in the last few minutes of the season-one finale. She abruptly shows up at the Seattle hospital looking for her estranged neurosurgeon husband, Dr. Shepherd, and discovers he has a girlfriend. Ms. Walsh confronts her with a pointed -- and explicit -- remark.

Bubble Watch

Syracuse is strictly on the bubble right now and here is their tournament resume according to ESPN.

Syracuse [19-8 (8-5), RPI: 64, SOS: 57] That's more like it from the up-and-down Orange, as they took care of all three in this winnable stretch to get to 8-5 in league play. The final three (at Provy, G'town, at Nova) are not easy, and with the relative lack of nonconference heft and the weak computer numbers, Syracuse might need to get two of those to get on the right side of the fence. The good news is that they are in a three-way tie for fourth right now in a conference that will get many more bids than that. The bad news is that 10th place is only a game back in the loss column.

I think the Orange needs two wins and probably won't get them (Georgetown is really big which means Roberts and Watkins will both foul out in the first half and Villanova on the road will be very tough). That would leave them on the bubble going into the Big East Tournament, same as last year.

We Knew This Was Coming

Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today. “We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time,” Spears’ manager, Larry Rudolph says.

What kind of rehab?
Crazy bitch rehab?
Fucked up child star rehab?
Bald idiot rehab?

Syracuse Loves Us

Did any other Syracuse couples get this card?

XM, Sirius Agree to Merge

The two satellite radio companies have agreed to merge.
If you own stock in either of the companies this is pretty good news, the stocks are up today (Sirius to about $4, and XM to about $16).
But if you are a customer you have other issues.
Will they be allowed to merge? I would guess no, but people more familiar with the matters say it's a possibility especially if they can convince the FCC that free radio and HD radio and other entertainment forms are their competitors.
If they do merge I would be worried about the following:
-a price increase. They might have to make a deal to not raise prices or to raise them slowly and incrementally in order to make the deal pass but I would imagine an increase to $14.95 per month is in the future

-programming. Will the combined company continue to be as aggressive pursuing new deals without another strong entity to steal them. Will the sports leagues, and Stern and Oprah be able to get such sweetheart deals at the end of their contracts without the leverage of another competitor

-your radio receiver. You will almost definitely need to get a new receiver in order to get the combined programming. Will you have to buy it? Will they give it to you free? Will they let you keep your old one and not offer you the new programming?

-your way of doing things. Billy loves that he can select 20 songs (like "Doin' da Butt") and be notified whenever those songs are on any channel. Will those features survive?

But the good part is combined programming. You can get NFL and MLB. You can get Howard and Oprah. Most of the music channels are redundancies but the orginal programming will all be under one umbrella.

Danger Seekers

The climbing group on Mount Hood was saved by their dog, Velvet, but rescuers were able to find them thanks to a Mountain locator unit.
It's a small, lightweight devices about the size of a glasses case. It can emit a signal helps rescuers pinpoint the location of missing or stranded climbers. When activated, the beacons send out a distress signal that allows the beacon to be located by the satellite system. The devices can transmit GPS coordinates in the emergency satellite transmission.
Lawmakers now want every climbing group to carry one of these, but believe it or not some are objecting.
They say it takes the adventure out of climbing. If the only thrill of climbing is the possibility of death, then let's make that possibility more real by refusing to rescue dumbasses who get stuck without taking the proper precautions to ensure their rescue.

As Seen on CNN

Three climbers who were trapped on Mount Hood were saved in part due to their black lab Velvet. Velvet was able to lie on top of them and keep them warm while they waited for help. Velvet was reportedly in the best physical condition of the group when they came down the mountain. She had minor cuts and abrasions on her back paws and legs from prolonged exposure to the snow, but she was cleared to go home. Further proof that dogs don't need booties or coats from Old Navy to brave the winter weather.
Why did these people drag their dog on this adventure I have no idea. Maybe a long hike in nice weather, but a mountain climb in the snow. They should have left the dog at home. But lucky for them they didn't.

Jason Kidd is a Dick

These things happen in divorce. Couples make accusations. But if one-tenth of what Joumana claims is true, then Jason Kidd is the biggest dickhead ever.

There are 20-something pages of accusations including:
-Kidd has engaged in extramarital affairs with "several different television reporters"
-affairs with strippers in Arizona, Sacramento, Miami, Dallas and Indiana, a Nets season ticket holder, a Nets employee, and a cheerleader in New Orleans
-he had a prepaid cell phone containing text messages and naked photos sent by various women
-he assaulted her while she was pregnant with the couple's first child
-he threw stuff at her including a rock and a cookie (which he blamed on TJ)
-he kicked her in the stomach causing blood to appear in her urine, then said "I don't give a f--k."
-he played the Kobe card and bought her her expensive jewelry (a $585,000 pink diamond ring and a $550,000 diamond pendant) to apologize

The physical abuse detailed is so crazy. He basically pushed her or punched her, constantly and at least five instances she claims to have gone to the hospital, which should be easily proveable. Kidd is fucked. But at least Joumana left out other Nets players.

Brady's Baby

Bridget Moynahan is pregant with Tom Brady's baby.
She is more than three months pregnant.
The couple announced their breakup on December 14th, but the statement said they had broken up a few weeks earlier.
I can't see any way this was a planned pregnancy. So either it was a big surprise, she stopped taking the pill, or it was a poke-a-hole situation.
Either way I hope Brady does the right thing here.
Reminiscent of Matt Leinart who knocked his bitch up after they had supposedly split.

Tim Hardaway Doth Protest Too Much

First he said he hates gay people, now he is seen in a locker room video rubbing lotion on his butt. That leads me to believe that Tim Hardaway is either gay himself, or not straight.



Also, if there was going to be a camera in the locker room, why couldn't it have been in the cheerleaders locker room? How come that shit never makes it to youtube?

Best Show Ever

McMissile

On a sticky day in July, Jessica Hall was driving north on Interstate 95 with her children and her sister, who was six months pregnant and having early contractions. Traffic had slowed to a crawl, when, she said, another car cut her off twice. Angered, she flung a McDonald's cup full of ice into the other car, where it flew across the driver and landed all over his girlfriend.
The driver of the other car, Pete Ballin, 36, and his girlfriend, Eliza Fowle, 28, were heading home to the District after visiting her father in North Carolina.
"It was gross and sticky and got all over me and the front of our car, the dashboard and the windshield," Fowle said of the launched drink.
Now Hall faces up to two years in prison because she was convicted by a jury of maliciously throwing a missile into an occupied vehicle, a felony in Virginia. The instructions given to the jury said that any object propelled by force can be considered a missile.
The jury gave Hall the minimum sentence of two years in prison. A judge will formally impose a sentence Wednesday. Under state law, the judge can only decrease the jury's sentence. Hall, whose husband is serving his third tour in Iraq, has spent more than a month in jail.

The Universe Loves Parking Meters

After parking my car in the snow I realized that meters on Third Avenue run until 10pm. And Mrs. Poop didn't bring her wallet so we had no quarters. Just as I was about to go into the Chinese restaurant for change of a dollar and get told "you must buy eggroll" the universe delivered to me the Concierge.
At that moment he emerged from a Thai-Spanish (his description) restaurant. And I said "excuse me sir, do you have change for a dollar? Of course he did.

Pissing Off Tim Hardaway

Charles Barkley beat Dick Bavetta in the much anticipated match race and All-Star Weekend. In fact Barkley had such a lead in the 3 1/2 court length race that he started running backwards, and they both ended up on their asses. Then they kissed. I have no idea why.

Focks Fest

A rousing game of Taboo broke out at Focks' house in celebration of blonde Julie's birthday. The highlights:

My clue: "The gayest movie ever."
The answer: "The Notebook." Shouted out immediately by jusTON who later had to explain to Special K that he really liked the movie and didn't think it was gay. He was simply guessing what I would think was a gay movie.

Mrs. Poop's clue: "she's on crack."
The answer: Whitney Houston, by five people simulataneously.

The Birthday Girl's clue: Your moms are going through this ---
The answer: Menopause, by all the women at once.

After getting only two points in his round, Juice retreated to the bedroom in a pit of despair. He later redeemed himself.

Victory over the vaginas by the testes.

Matt's hosting skills. TON ate like 34 chocolate covered strawberries.

After making fun of Focks, he discarded about 12 bottles of cologne.

The girl with the Scottheads.

Bald Britney

Crazy Britney Spears is at it again, this time shaving her head.