Super Bowl XLVI is Poop

Congrats to the Giants Fans
For the second time in five years the New York Giants are celebrating an improbable Super Bowl title. Though throughout both of those playoff runs (which followed mediocre regular seasons) the Giants were blessed with incredible luck, they also played great. Tom Coughlin seems to have mellowed as a coach. And Eli Manning has blossomed into an incredible quarterback. In a close game dominated by defense one of the teams was going to make the one play that would win the Super Bowl. That play was Manning's perfect throw, over two defenders right into the arms of Mario Manningham who deftly got his feet in bounds for the reception that sprung the Giants to the winning points.
An unintended consequence of that was that Bill Belichick used a coach's challenge (he had to) and when he lost it (the correct call), the Patriots had one fewer timeout with which to stop the clock.



The Sit-Down Touchdown
When Ahmad Bradshaw tumbled into the endzone to give the Giants a 21-17 lead, he actually made a big mistake. He should have taken a knee, as he was being implored to do by Eli Manning, at the 1-yard line, and killed more time. Look at it like a math problem: what are the chances of Tynes missing a 20-yard field goal there? Maybe 5%. What are the chances of Brady bringing them back down the field for a touchdown with a minute to go? I've gotta think they are better than that.
One thing we should all do is take a list of which media members go out on a limb today and say yes Bradshaw should have scored the touchdown. There will be few. But one day, in a similar circumstance, a player will take a knee and his team will lose because the kicker misses the field goal. On that day, every single media member will criticize the strategy.



I guess the Sit-Down Touchdown gets to joined The Immaculate Reception and the Helmet Catch as uniquely named plays.

The Safety
It is so rare to see Tom Brady make mistake like this. But it was clearly the correct call by the referee. Brady was under pressure, he threw the ball where no receiver had a reasonable chance of catching it, and he was definitely in the pocket.



No Mo
After the Giants took a 9-0 lead, by totally dominating the game, not even letting the Patriots have the ball, I guess you could say momentum was on their side. Then the Pats defense stiffened, and finally late in the first half they Pats scored to make it 10-9. Then, using the advantage gained when they deferred, the Patriots scored again and led 17-9. Surely, momentum had turned. But the Patriots never scored again, and you know the rest. I bring this up, as always to illustrate my main thesis in life. There is no such thing as momentum in sports. Players win games by making plays. There is no invisible snowball rolling down a hill helping the team that's in front stay in front.

Picture of the Week
Maybe they should call it the Shit-Down Touchdown, because it looks like Ahmad Bradshaw is about to drop a deuce.



A Brief Rant About the Redskins
In the last 6 years the Redskins have played the eventual Super Bowl champion every single year, and they actually haven't done too badly. In fact, over the last 12 years, the Redskins are 6-4 against the team that went on to win the Super Bowl, including 2-0 vs. the Giants this year.

We're All Incredibly Lucky
As much as the Giants are lucky, we as football fans have gotten even luckier. Of the 20 Super Bowls played in the 80s and 90s only two were really good games (the second 49ers-Bengals and Giants-Bills). Of the 13 Super Bowls played in this millennium, 5 are classics (Rams-Titans, Patriots-Rams, Giants-Patriots I, Steelers-Cardinals and Giants-Patriots II), 5 others were good games (Patriots-Panthers, Patriots-Eagles, Steelers-Seahawks, Saints-Colts and Packers-Steelers) and only 3 sucked (Ravens-Giants, ExpensiveCornPrices-Raiders and Colts-Bears). I remember in the 80s they did the Bud Bowl just to keep people interested in the game. Now everyone is glued the entire time. I hope it never ends.

200 Million Morons
The numbers are in and Super Bowl XLVI set a record with 111.3 million viewers. With roughly 312 million people in the country, that means 200 million people didn't watch. I'll grant you 30 million elderly, 20 million kids, incapable of watching. But that leaves 150 million didn't watch. Can these numbers be accurate? What were these people doing?

Shut Up And Look Hot

Giselle opens her pretty mouth and gets herself in trouble.



In case that wasn't clear she said "My husband can not f------ throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time."
Now I know the she's just standing up for her man. And I know the Giants fans were heckling her, and they are the worst scum of the earth.
But now she has created a problem for Brady who has to choose between his bitch and his boys. He's obviously not going to come and repudiate her publicly for her comments. But his teammates, especially Wes Welker, aren't going to like it.
Come to think of it, this is the first time I've heard Gisele talk. Do you know why? Because those aren't brains.
When she walks down the runway, does she talk, no. Because nobody cares what she has to say. She should just stand there and look hot, something she is very good at doing.

Super Bowl Ads

"Free to Pee" - TaxAct


"The Tease" - Oikos Greek Yogurt
It was nice to see John Stamos still working


"Thing Called Love" - Samsung
I love this song and Billy loved the Urlacher cameo. Did it really air in the full 90 second version? Is that $10m?


"Rescue Dog" - Bud Light
Very clever way to get the product's tagline ("Here We Go") into the vernacular. And they are doing a good thing for abandoned animals.


"Business Trip" - CareerBuilder
They're drinking banana daquiris, get it? I don't like animals in costumes and these commercials are getting old


"Vampire Party" - Audi
So Audi spends millions of dollars to advertise its new headlights?


"The Big Grab" - BMW
Or a heated steering wheel?


"Man's Best Friend" - Doritos
Anything that has to do with killing cats is fine with me.


"Sling Baby" - Doritos
Both of these Doritos ads were user-generated content. Doritos has had a lot of success with these, and saved millions on advertising agencies.


"It's Reinvented" - Toyota Camry
This is the reinvented baby, it doesn't poop. It is also a time machine. You knew when they said poop this was going to make my list of best ads. But I am little discomfited by the guy's nonchalant attitude toward the reinvented couch, in male.


"King's Court" - Pepsi
I hate Elton John, Flava Flav is annoying and I had no idea who the chick was. Turns out she is Melanie Amaro from X-Factor.


"Just My Shell" - M&Ms


"2012" - Chevy Silverado
This was my least favorite ad. Drive a Silverado or you will die. I guess it's a good message for the worriers among us.

Watching the Game At Brady's

An Upper East Side bar named Brady's was obviously worried about not doing a very brisk business for the Super Bowl.



I can't imagine many hardcore Giants fans would want the karma -- or the embarrassment -- of watching the Super Bowl at Brady's.
So the owner made a big spectacle (the mayor was there) of changing the bar's name to Manning's, for this week only.

Weekly Picks

The worst season of my life is almost over. At week 8 I had 23 points and was 5-3 on best bet (21-19 overall). Since then I have 13 points in 12 weeks, and went 2-10 on best bets (20-35 overall), just an amazing run of ineptidue.

new york giants +2 1/2 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Basically, I think the the Giants offense will be more proficient against the New England defense than the Patriots offense (with all its weapons) will be against a stronger Giants squad.
I do think the game will be lower scoring than most people anticipate. I'd definitely take under 54. I think the Giants win 27-24.

Last Week: 1-1 (0 points)
Season: 41-54 (36 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (7-13)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (17-21)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-3)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (11-16)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (13-14)

Super Bowl Prop Bets

Team to Gain the First First Down of the Game
The Patriots have this odd habit of choosing to defer when they win the coin toss, they have done this in every game for 4 straight years. If the Giants win, I expect them to take the ball. Therefore I love the Giants to be the first team to make a first down.
Bet $1250 to win $1000
This was like stealing. Easy money
Profit/loss: +1000

Will the Game Be Tied After 0-0
I expect this game to be close and back and forth so I think it will be tied, at 7-7.
Bet $130 to win $100
9-9 doesn’t count. It had to be tied after a conversion.
Profit/loss: +870

Total Receiving Yards by Victor Cruz
I think Manning has a lot of comfort with Cruz and Cruz should be able to get open, and past the weak New England secondary. I like him to record more than 88 1/2 yards.
Bet $110 to win $100
Cruz only got 25 yards. Patriots were determined to let someone else beat them. Nicks and Manningham combined for 182 yards.
Profit/loss: +760

TD Passes by Tom Brady
I'm betting this game on the theory that the Giants will be able to get to Brady and make him uncomfortable. Even if they don't, 3 TDs could be a lot. I like under 2 1/2.
Bet $100 to win $110
Only 2 TDs for Brady
Profit/loss: +870

Will Rob Gronkowski Score a TD?
I'm also going to wager based on Gronk's injury being real and a hindrance to his performance. Even if he were healthy, I'd predict him catching a touchdown is no better than 50/50. So I'll no to this one.
Bet $100 to win $125
Gronkowski really was hurt, you could see it in his play.
Profit/loss: +995

Total Receiving Yards By Aaron Hernandez
This doesn't include running yards he may accumulate out of the backfield. But I still like his chances with Gronk being hurt, to get more than 67 1/2 yards.
Bet $125 to win $100
I can’t fuckin believe this. 67 yards. Ooooh that hurts.
Profit/loss: +870

Margin of Victory
I do think this will be a close lower-scoring game than most people think. But there are still chances the winning could put some late points on the board to make it seem worse than it is. Even though I don't think this will be the case, I like the Giants to win by 13-18 points at 8 to 1 odds.
Bet $100 to win $800

Profit/loss: +770

Tom Brady Passing Yards
This is tricky because if the Patriots are losing they will be throwing all over the field. But if you pick anything over 250 yards your odds are too slim to make it worthwhile. Again, if I were predicting I'd say 300 or more, but I like the price of 200-249 at 7 to 2 odds.
Bet $100 to win $350
Brady finished with 276, but I think the odds on that were 5 to 4, not worth the risk.
Profit/loss: +670

Final Score
I like the Giants to score 24 points at 8 to 1
Bet $100 to win $800
Patriots to score 21
Bet $100 to win $1200

Profit/loss: +470

Now onto some looser props from Bodog
Super Bowl MVP
I think the Giants have a better than 50% chance of winning this game. And I view it as almost impossible that Eli doesn't win the MVP if that's the case. So I'll take him at 9 to 4 odds.
Bet $120 to win $270
Glad I got this one right.
Profit/loss: +740

Just for fun I also like Jason Pierre-Paul at 25 to 1
Bet $10 to win $250

Profit/loss: +730

National Anthem
A staple of Super Bowl betting. Seems like the oddsmakers view Kelly Clarkson as a no-nonsense kind of girl. I agree, but a minute and 34 seconds is too short. Take the over.
Bet $110 to win $100

Apparently this one was so close you had people rewinding their DVRs. It was literally a half-second above 1:34.
Profit/loss: +830

How Many Viewers
The line on this 117 million. That would smash the record which I believe is 111. I think people are hyped for this game and I think a close finish will put this game over the top.
Bet $140 to win $100

The game did set a record, but at just over 111 million. I still can’t understand what 200 million people were doing Sunday night if they weren’t watching the game.
Profit/loss: +690

What Will Happen with the Dow Jones on Monday
We've been in a pretty steady rally mode lately. I think it continues on Monday. I pick the Dow goes up.
Bet $140 to win $100

Down 17 points
Profit/loss: +550

What Color Gatorade?
Another bet I like to do each year, just for fun. This year I'm picking orange at 5 to 2.
Bet $20 to win $50.
Mrs. Poop says it was purple.
Profit/loss: +530

Chad Ochocinco Receptions
I could totally seem them doing something crazy with him and putting him out there. But seeing as how he hardly ever plays, I'm going to say zero catches (under 1/2)
Bet $100 to win $135
He actually caught one. I was shocked.
Profit/loss: +430 (not bad, though I tanked after winning that first fictional bet for $1000)

Bad Luck Charm

On November 8th the New England Patriots cut Albert Haynesworth.
The Tampa Bay ExpensiveCornPrices picked him up, and lost all 8 games with him. The defense allowed more than 30 points in 7 of those games.
Over that same span the Patriots won all 10 games, and never allowed 30 points.
Assuming they don't sign him today or tomorrow, this obviously means New England will win the Super Bowl.

This Can't Wait Either

I thought Matthew Broderick's send-up of "Ferris Bueller" for a Honda ad was quite clever. But I may have set a dangerous precedent. Because now I have to share this Jerry Seinfeld ad for Acura which has several great "Seinfeld" references sprinkled in. This commercial is at least 3 times as good as the Broderick one, but it will be the last I post before the Super Bowl.

Toning It Down This Year

Ines Sainz, who set tongues wagging at Super Bowl Media Day 5 years ago, and launched the second most popular post in Poop history, toned down her style this year.
Appearing before the Giants and Patriots in a demure white blouse.

The World Got a Lot Less Cool Today

Don Cornelius, host and creator of "Soul Train" was found dead today in his Los Angeles home of an apparent self-inflicted gun-shot wound to the head.
Cornelius was 75. You think if you could make it to 75 you might as well just play out the string. We don't know yet if he got some recent health news that prompted this.
Cornelius was just about to finish 3 years of probation he was serving for pleading no contest to assaulting his ex-wife, Russian model Victoria Avila-Cornelius.
Many people who Googled Cornelius today found this picture of Don and Victoria. It looks like they are attending some kind of TV Land event. But it looks like she is dressed for the SAG Awards.

Song of the Week

"I Do" - Young Jeezy featuring Jay-Z and Andre 3000
I love when gangsta rap gets romantic. But if you had any questions about who is a superior MC between Jay and 3K, you have no more doubts now.
"Let's put a baby butterfly up in your lil cocoon
And maybe 2030, our baby, she'll be nerdy make the whole club swoon.
She'll love books
and cook
and look
Just like you"



Song suggested by Billy

This Can't Wait

Normally I wait until after the Super Bowl to post about the commercials but since millions of people have already watched the Matthew Broderick Honda CR-V send-up of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" I thought I should share it now or never.

Now I'm in the Mood for Chipotle

The town of East Haven, Connecticut is grappling with tension between its Latino community and the police force, which has no Latino officers. But don't worry Mayor Joseph Maturo has a plan to reach out to the Latino community:



"I might have tacos when I go home, I'm not quite sure yet."

While this was obviously a distasteful and inflammatory thing to say I once again want to point out how ridiculous it is to call someone bigoted for merely suggesting a certain ethnic group likes to eat a certain type of food. That's why they're called ethnic foods.

It is not racist to say Mexican (not all Hispanics) people like to eat tacos.
It is not racist to say black people like collard greens and fried chicken.
It is not racist to Jewish people like matzo ball soup.

But this mayor is still a moron.

All is Well, There's No Need to Panic

It was 60 degrees today in New York City. On January 27th. I guess we should all freak out about global warming now. Not so say 16 scientists who co-signed an op-ed in today's Wall Street Journal.

"In spite of a multidecade international campaign to enforce the message that increasing amounts of the "pollutant" carbon dioxide will destroy civilization, large numbers of scientists, many very prominent, [aren't so sure]. And the number of scientific "heretics" is growing with each passing year. The reason is a collection of stubborn scientific facts.
Perhaps the most inconvenient fact is the lack of global warming for well over 10 years now."
The lack of warming for more than a decade—indeed, the smaller-than-predicted warming over the 22 years since the U.N.'s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) began issuing projections—suggests that computer models have greatly exaggerated how much warming additional CO2 can cause. Faced with this embarrassment, those promoting alarm have shifted their drumbeat from warming to weather extremes, to enable anything unusual that happens in our chaotic climate to be ascribed to CO2. The fact is that CO2 is not a pollutant."

"Why is there so much passion about global warming, and why has the issue become so vexing that the American Physical Society, from which Dr. Giaever resigned a few months ago, refused the seemingly reasonable request by many of its members to remove the word "incontrovertible" from its description of a scientific issue? There are several reasons, but a good place to start is the old question "cui bono?" Or the modern update, "Follow the money."
Alarmism over climate is of great benefit to many, providing government funding for academic research and a reason for government bureaucracies to grow. Alarmism also offers an excuse for governments to raise taxes, taxpayer-funded subsidies for businesses that understand how to work the political system, and a lure for big donations to charitable foundations promising to save the planet."

"Speaking for many scientists and engineers who have looked carefully and independently at the science of climate, we have a message to any candidate for public office: There is no compelling scientific argument for drastic action to "decarbonize" the world's economy. Even if one accepts the inflated climate forecasts of the IPCC, aggressive greenhouse-gas control policies are not justified economically.

Every candidate should support rational measures to protect and improve our environment, but it makes no sense at all to back expensive programs that divert resources from real needs and are based on alarming but untenable claims of "incontrovertible" evidence."


This pretty much sums up the stance that I and other rational people (without any scientific knowledge) have been saying for years. Yes global warming is real. But the extent of mankind's role in it was vastly overstated. And the alarming speed of global warming was really just a temporary acceleration when compared to one of the coldest periods in history, the 1970s.
The global warming alarmists are moral narcissists who have some weird kind of Munchausen's Syndrome. They want the world to be sick, so they can be the one to make it get better.
Maybe at the beginning of the movement scientists did have reason to believe their most dire predictions, and they sold Al Gore a bill of goods. But the evidence has changed. Only at this point it's too late. In for a penny, in for a pound. So we continue to waste money on green energy companies, grants to fund falsified research and promote a job-killing anti-business agenda to try to solve a problem that may not exist 50 or 100 years, if it exists at all.

What Do You Give Me For? Newt Gingrich & Dwight Schrute

What do you give me for Dwight Schrute and a young Newt Gingrich?

The Fashion Police

In November 2008 Michelle Obama appeared on The Tonight Show and Jay Leno (in an obvious set-up) asked her how much her outfit cost. She said it was J. Crew and the liberal media went nuts, praising the First Lady for being an everywoman, for shopping where you shop and still being the “Commander in Chic.”



Fast forward to 2012, the State of the Union Address. Here’s what people.com wrote about the First Lady’s dress: “As the President declared his intent to help buoy the 99%, his wife dazzled in a cobalt sheath from Barbara Tfank’s resort collection. While reps for the brand won’t reveal the item’s retail price, a similar style from the collection is currently available at Barney’s New York for $2,400.”



I don’t have a problem with Michelle Obama wearing fancy clothes. I really don’t. My problem is the liberal media who tried to make her out to be a normal woman who had no use for the expensive things her no celebrity would provide her.

Vogue called her “the First Lady the World’s Been Waiting For.” No she isn’t. She is a greedy pig just like every other politician, politician’s wife and celebrity. They will take whatever they can get their hands on. Michelle Obama is not like you and me. And she probably hasn’t worn J Crew once since that stunt on the Tonight Show.

Song of the Week

"Over Like a Fat Rat" - Fonda Rae
In the 1970s and into the 1980s there was a whole genre of funk music with great guitar riffs, drum beats and bass lines, but the stupidest lyrics you've ever heard.
This one is particularly good example but the bass line is so funky it was sampled on one of the seminal songs of hip-hop, "Eric B is President."

Julian and the Three Very Annoying Bears

This Hanukah we broke Mama Poop's heart. We told her no more singing bears. We hate stuffed animals of any kind because they are useless, never get played with and take up a lot of space. That goes double for stuffed animals that play a song when a tail, foot or paw is squeezed. Unfortunately those actually do get played with. And all at the same time. And since there is a dearth of Hanukkah songs they all play "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel."
Watch the video and I am sure you will understand why we put an end to Mama Poop's short-lived tradition of buying a new singing bear every year.



What a fantastic cameo from Chase. He jumps in, screams nonsense and slaps Julian in the face.

What I Should Have Said Theater

This is what Penn State alumni should be saying about the death of Joe Paterno:

"For many years Joe Paterno was a shining light in the Penn State community. His old-school work ethic and folksy charm transformed the university to a national power in athletics and education.
Late last year we learned that Paterno was hiding a terrible secret. The man who was once his top assistant, Jerry Sandusky, was molesting young boys for years under Paterno's nose.
We know Sandusky molested boys in the locker room. We know there was a 1998 police investigation into the matter, but no charges were ever filed. We know Paterno was told about a sexual encounter between Sandusky and a young boy in 2002. We know Paterno reported the incident to his supervisors but never followed up on the matter.
We don't know, and we will never know, exactly what Paterno knew, thought or suspected about Jerry Sandusky.
But even our most conservative assumptions lead us to believe that Paterno fell far short of the moral standards he helped set is in his 50 years at Penn State.
By all accounts he was a kind, charitable, good and decent man. He lived his whole life with dignity. But because of what he failed to do in this case, he dies in shame."

Conference Championships are Poop

It's Better To Be Lucky Than Good
The Helmet Catch. The Tuck Rule. The Hail Mary last week. Now the Miss and the Fumble. The Giants and Patriots have gotten this far because they have a lot of good players and they are playing well. But over the years these two teams have also gotten incredibly lucky. At least the Patriots have had exceptional records and home games in the years they’ve made the playoffs. This is the second straight Super Bowl run by the Giants during a season in which they lost at least 6 games and then got hot (lucky!) during the playoffs.



Defense Wins Championships, Turnovers Lose Games
I still stand by the premise that good defense is required to win during the playoffs. Though both winning teams are better on offense than their vanquished foes, both sides played strong defense, especially when it mattered. Vince Wilfork was an absolute beast for the Patriots in the middle, with a sack and 3 tackles for loss. And the Giants stoned the 49ers on 3 crucial late game possessions each of which could have resulted in a game-winning field goal.



Patriots Killer, Literally
If there is one name that strikes fear in the hearts of the New England Patriots it is Bernard Pollard. Pollard, then on the Kanas City Chiefs, is the guy whose hit tore Tom Brady’s ACL on the first play of the 2008 season. A year later while playing for the Texans, Pollard dragged down Wes Welker, injuring his knee. Now on the Baltimore Ravens, Pollard tackled Rob Gronkowski and rolled over his ankle. Gronk was able to return, though he didn’t catch any passes after the injury, and he is expected to play in the Super Bowl.
But maybe the biggest atrocity committed by Pollard is his famous locker room dance from Hard Knocks.



I Want Winners
In 2008 Vernon Davis caught a short pass and then slapped the defender, Rhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifeissberg’s roommate Brian Russell in the facemask. For that he was given a 15-yard penalty. When Coach Mike Singletary yelled at him on the sidelines, Davis’s reaction was “nonchalant.” That led Singletary to banish him to the locker room and unleash this postgame tirade.



Four years later we’ve heard tons of stories about how Singletary’s tough love actually helped Davis, grow and mature into a great teammate, to match his substantial physical abilities. Evidently that didn’t happen. First, Davis got a 15-yard penalty for excessive celebration for climbing up on the TV camera stand after a touchdown. And later he got 15 more yards for hitting someone from behind and shoving someone during a scuffle.

I am always saying that I would rather have talented individuals with bad attitudes as opposed to tightasses who lack skill. But at a certain point, a player like Davis has to learn to control himself or he really does become a detriment to his team.



A Year Too Late
Eli Manning threw for 4,933 yards this season. If he had done that last year, it would have been 3rd all-time. Instead he was 4th. This season! Regardless of how this turns out Eli has established himself as an elite quarterback this season. And it goes beyond numbers. He is a guy you want to have the ball in the 4th quarter with the game on the line, maybe more so than his brother. He will never pass Peyton in terms of statistical excellence. But he can play Joe Montana to Manning’s Marino if he gets another Super Bowl ring.

Picture of the Week
I like the composition of this photo. A wide shot, ball floating in air, right between two defenders. The lighting is perfect too.



If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England Patriots 34 New York Giants 27
How long can the Giants keep getting this lucky? Yes, I know they are playing well, but they've now won 5 elimination games in a row. Eventually something has to go against them. Plus the Patriots are a very strong team whose defense is peaking at the right time. I understand the Giants and Eli Manning are worlds ahead of Flacco and the Ravens and especially Tebow and the Broncos. But the luck stops here. Patriots get revenge and win Super Bowl XLVI.

Weekly Picks

This season has been so bad I don't even want to continue making these picks. I just can't seem to get a game right.
This week I am picking both games as one. I am going to go with defense over offense. I started the playoffs by thinking the Ravens could upset the Patriots. And now I am sticking with that. And even though the Giants are playing great and calling to mind the 2008 playoffs, I am sticking with the better defensive teams to pull through on Championship Sunday. Even in the Year of the Quarterback, defense wins championships.

baltimore +7 NEW ENGLAND

BEST BET
SAN FRANCISCO -1 1/2 new york giants

Last Week: 1-3 (0 points)
Season: 40-53 (36 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (7-12)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (17-20)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-3)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (11-16)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (12-14)

Troy-Zan King of the Jungle

I've often wondered if I could be on a reality show. I like contests, games and testing myself. I can't do American Idol because I can't sing. I wouldn't survive Big Brother sequestered from my family for 3 months. But other than the hunger, I think I could do well on Survivor. But what kind of video would I make as an audition tape? What do the people who actually get selected submit?

Here's Troy Robertson's video, which got him selected, with a little help from his friends.



A Sports Illustrated Swimsuit photographer using swimsuit models in his video. Not sure I can compete with that. Oh yeah, and there's a good chance he's gay too.

Who's Your Daddy, Khloe?

Many years ago, The Concierge and I were in a supermarket looking through the tabloids. We delighted in laughter at the headline "Armless Man and Legless Buddy Go Tandem on Bike Trip." And it was accompanied by a picture.
It was my favorite supermarket tabloid headline, until now.



OJ Simpson is Khloe Kardashian's real father! That is awesome.

Thank You Web MD

There are a bunch of crazy people in the world who whenever they feel a tickle in their throats or a pain in their belly, immediately run to the internet, hit up WebMD and diagnose themselves with a serious illness. (It's never lupus)
I am not one of those people. Mrs. Poop is. When I came home from work Tuesday experiencing severe stomach pains, I thought maybe the macaroni and cheese I had eaten for lunch was responsible (Mrs. Poop made it a week earlier). But I wasn't puking up my guts or shitting out my brains, so food-related illness didn't fit.
Mrs. Poop came home and did some rudimentary tests, including jabbing her fingers into my side and watching delightedly as I recoiled in pain.
She encouraged me to go to the ER, insisting if it ruptured I COULD DIE!!!!!

Note: I write that in all caps because she said it in all caps.

I took another hour to reconsider whether it would be just bad gas, or something not serious that would eventually subside. After about 5 hours of intense pain I read the WebMD entry on appendicitis.

You have pain in your belly. Check
The pain may begin around your belly button. Check
The pain in your belly gets stronger and moves below your belly button on your right side. Check
The pain does not go away and gets worse when you move, walk, or cough. Check

The actual ER visit, which I dreaded, was not that bad. I was seen and evaluated very quickly and the nurse practitioner immediately decided I needed a CAT scan, though she wasn't convinced I needed an appendectomy. I quickly drank the liquid contrast (the thing everyone complains about) with no problem and was carted outside to a temporary trailer where they do the CAT scans while the hospital is under construction.

It was quite weird going into this huge tunnel up to your chin, then having to hold your breath. Then they added another contrast through an IV which makes you taste metal and feel like you pissed yourself.

When the results came in it was determined that I did have an infection, and the beginnings of appendicitis. The NP said since I'm in America I would just have the surgery right away. I suppose if I were in a country with socialized medicine they would have sent me home with a couple of aspirin.

They rousted the doctor who did Mrs. Poop's gall bladder last year out of a deep slumber and he agreed to come in and take out my appendix.

Meanwhile, this whole time I refused pain medication. Mrs. Poop was furious. She is a drug-seeker evidently. I was not in terrible pain, I was uncomfortable but I would rather deal with that than get some crazy drug that makes me forget who I am and what I'm doing in the hospital.



The doctor arrived quickly. I was prepped for surgery and the anesthesiologist knocked me out good, because I remember telling the guy who looked like Rob Reiner to call me Paul. Then I remember waking up in recovery.

The procedure went well, the appendix was removed, and I was 4 to 6 ounces closer to my weight-loss goal.

But I was starving. Remember, I had been in intense pain since 2pm, and Mrs. Poop warned me that I shouldn't eat, in case I did need emergency surgery, if I had been food free for 6 hours they could operate immediately. But now it was 5:30 am, 15 1/2 hours since my last meal, 14 1/2 hours longer than I normally go between meals, and I was asking everyone I saw to bring me something to eat. The nurses kept apologizing that all they could offer me was jello. I was like, bring it on, I love jello. I had two cups of jello, orange and red and I eventually did get a real breakfast as well, but it included a banana which made me lose my appetite.

Mrs. Poop was due to come get me at around 10am, so the whole thing from walk-in, to walk-out was only 13 hours. But it was 6am and I still had time to kill. They had pumped me so full of fluids so that even though I hadn't had a drink and my mouth was parched, I was still waking up every two hours to pee. With the help of a nurse.

In order to get to the bathroom I had to sidle (I was wearing a hospital gown, open in the back, with no drawers on) past my very angry roommate. Apparently he had some kind of open wound. They covered it up with a dry dressing, then put a wet towel over to try to draw out the infection. Well, he insisted the wet towel was introducing bacteria to the area and that he was sure to get gangrene. He must have read this on WebMD with the rest of the crazies because the nurses (and he asked at least 3 of them) all told him it was doctor's orders which they could not disobey. Later his wackjob brother came in and insisted the valets had rifled through his car the day before. After visiting for a few minutes he left to file a complaint with hospital administration.

Thankfully Mrs. Poop came shortly thereafter and brought me home. About 24 hours after the surgery I feel great. A little discomfort in the area where they poked holes the insert the instruments and remove the appendix but nothing else. I ate a pretty normal diet today and felt fine.

So while having surgery is not great and being laid up for a few days could be a problem for a lesser man, I'm glad I went to the hospital when I did. Thanks WebMD.

Song of the Week

"Red Solo Cup" - Toby Keith
It sounds like it was written by an 8th grader. At least the chorus does. Some of the other lyrics are kind of clever, though the music again is remedial. But it is kind of fun.
It actually sounds like it belongs on one of those Adam Sandler CDs from the 90s.

Crude Sexual Jokes for $800 Please Alex

A Jeopardy! contestant gives an hilarious -- but wrong -- answer.



Did you hear Alex Trebek snicker when they guy said Donkey Punch? I believe Trebek has tried that move a time or two.

Story suggested by Gnitsark

The NFL is Poop - Divisional Playoffs

Fantastic Finish
The Saints=49ers game, marred early by too many turnovers, turned in one of the great finishes in football history. In the final 4 minutes there were 4 touchdowns, each one resulting in a lead change. And these weren't just average touchdowns, great plays were made by Jimmy Graham, Darren Sproles, Drew Brees and especially Alex Smith. He was given no chance to match wits with Brees in the game but when the game was on the line he was awesome. I just couldn't believe the way these teams were marching up and down the field on each other so quickly. And they were being so aggressive in going for it. I thought for sure the 49ers would play it safe and kick a game-tying field goal to force overtime, instead Smith hit Vernon Davis for game-winner.



49ers History
When Vernon Davis caught that game-winning touchdown pass and broke into tears, it immediately reminded many people of a similar catch-and-cry by Terrell Owens for the 49ers to beat the Packers. It was actually the 5th last-minute touchdown catch in a playoff game for the 49ers. You may remember the other 4. There was Owens, of course, Dwight Clark making "The Catch," John Taylor winning the Super Bowl against the Bengals and the last one is a little different. It was Tai Streets from Jeff Garcia in a game that was known for something else. It was the one where the Giants had a 38-14 lead, blew it and had one last field goal attempt, trailing 39-38, and botched the snap.

Order Has Been Restored
The playoffs will proceed without Tim Tebow. The most amazing and polarizing story to hit the NFL in a long time is over, for now. I love Tim Tebow the person, and you could see that he was still trying his hardest when the Broncos were losing by 35. The rest of his teammates certainly were not. The defense, which many people said carried Tebow during the amazing winning-streak, absolutely gave up against the Patriots. They couldn't stop anyone, so they stopped trying. Von Miller seemed like he wanted to get ejected, delivering a cheap shot that started a scuffle. And the offensive line was quite offensive. Tebow was running for his life. The Patriots don't even have a good defense and they collapsed the pocket on every single play. Now Tebow has the entire offseason to work on some things to improve his game. And the Broncos front office should use that same time to find a few players with the heart and desire of Tebow.



They Might Be Giants
You can't pull off a major upset without a little bit of luck. Eli Manning's Hail Mary to Hakeem Nicks at the end of the first half really changed the tone for the rest of the game, and it certainly reminded many David Tyree Helmet Catch. But the Giants didn't win on luck alone. Eli Manning played another great game, sealing his place among the Elite quarterbacks in the NFL. He actually outshone Aaron Rodgers, though Rodgers was hamstrung by butter-fingered receivers who dropped balls, and fumbled them.



Heavy Heart
Prior to the game, Giants defensive back Derrick Martin, who spent two years with the Packers, consoled Green Bay offensive coordinator, Joe Philbin. Last week, Philbin's 21-year-old son, Michael was reported missing. His body was discovered in a river near the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh. The funeral was Thursday and Philbin was back at work on Saturday getting the Packers ready for the Giants.



Picture of the Week
Those Packers fans really love their crazy hats.



If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England Patriots 20 New York Giants 17
At this point no one should count out the Giants (though they are not a certainty to beat the 49ers) but I just feel like the Patriots are too good right now. And they won't get caught off-guard this time by an upstart like the Giants.

You Knew This Was Coming

Jenna Dewan-Tatum shows off her Golden Globes at the Golden Globes.



I know no one has ever heard of her, and this picture is not great, but these were the best breasts I could find, because I'm not willing to use Salma Hayek and Sofia Vergara every year.

Expect the Tebowing Trend to Die Down Now

Maybe now that the Broncos have been eliminated from the playoffs, in embarrassing fashion, the trend of people photographing themselves Tebowing will die down. But I couldn't let that happen without showing you this image of porn star Samantha Saint striking a pose.



And I also think this weird sect of Tebowmania is also deserving of attention.

Weekly Picks

new orleans -3 1/2 SAN FRANCISCO
New Orleans cannot be stopped right now. Usually a good offense beats good defense but San Francisco won't be able to completely shut down the Saints, and they won't be able to score enough to keep up.

denver +13 1/2 NEW ENGLAND
I keep getting Tebow games wrong, I know it. I just think that maybe his confidence is back. If the Broncos can start by running the ball the way they did against New England last time, and then mix in a few long passes like they did last week, then they can keep it close. Remember, it was 3 fumbles that cost them last time the faced the Pats.

new york giants +7 1/2 GREEN BAY PACKERS
I learned my lesson about picking against the Giants last week. They really do have something going. I honestly don't know why they weren't a better regular season team. They have a good mutli-faceted offense, and a solid defensive line. If they can put pressure on Rodgers, they can keep this close.

BEST BET
BALTIMORE -7 1/2 houston
The Texans luck runs out. You can beat the Bengals with a third-string quarterback, but not the Ravens. I really think the Ravens are built for the playoffs with a good running game and a good defense. Their problem in the regular season was lpaying down to the level of the competition. They won't experience those lulls in the postseason.

Last Week: 1-3 (0 points)
Season: 39-50 (36 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (7-11)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (17-19)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-3)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (11-15)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (11-13)

God Has a Tim Tebow Complex

People who believe in Tim Tebow say they have witnessed his miracles. They saw the last 5 minutes against the Dolphins. They cheered when he beat the Bears. They exalted when he threw an 80-yard touchdown pass in overtime to beat the Steelers in the playoffs.

People who don't believe in Tim Tebow say he is getting lucky. They say the Dolphins stink, the Bears were in prevent defense and the Steelers blew the coverage. They see the evidence, the passes that bounce, the 40-percent completion rate, and they know, Tim Tebow stinks.

The believers have faith.

The non-believers need to see proof.

Does any of this sound familiar?



So it has become in this NFL season that Tim Tebow has become an Iervese-like Christ-figure and has gained that status not in spite of, but because of all those who don't believe in him.

Here's where I stand on Tebow: I am not changing my initial view that he will never be a good NFL quarterback because he can't throw. We have seen him go through a stretch where he was reluctant to "pull the trigger" (John Elway's words), but when he plays with confidence, he can get the ball there on time, at least often enough to keep defenses honest.

Tim Tebow's Fire

John Parr, who wrote the song "St. Elmo's Fire" for the movie of the same name, has released a new version of his 80s hit, called "Tim Tebow's Fire." At first I liked it, and thought it was a cute song they would play on Denver-area radio stations. But then I listened to it. He basically changed two words and re-recorded it just to capitalize financially on Tebow's success. You want to make money asshole, write a new song, a good one. Now I hate this song. And yes, this transformation of opinion took all of about 6 hours.

Song of the Week

"Glory" - Jay-Z featuring Blue Ivy Carter
This is Jay-Z's song to his new daughter. They actually sampled some of her cries at the end it sounds like. It's actually pretty good with some nice sentimental lines about fatherhood, and about a previous miscarried pregnancy.

The NFL is Poop - Wild Card Round

Do You Believe in Miracles?
Tim Tebow did it again. One of the most exciting playoff games I've ever seen ends with Tim Tebow throwing an 80-yard touchdown pass. He made the best play of his career in overtime of a playoff game. He played the best game of his pro career in the playoffs. I have frequently said that Tebow possesses every quality a quarterback needs to be successful, except he can't throw. And that's what he showed here, the ability to perform your best when things are at their worst, when the game is on the line, that's a very valuable trait in a quarterback.


So How'd It Happen?
Just like Moses parting the Red Sea wasn't really a miracle, neither was this victory by Tebow, each had a reasonable explanation. In this case, the Broncos executed their game plan to perfection and the Steelers fell into their trap. The Broncos wanted to run and hit a few big passes once they had softened up the defense. The Steelers should have taken a page from the Chiefs book. The Chiefs played man coverage on the Broncos wideouts, forcing the receivers to win in coverage or forcing Tebow to make great throws. The Steelers didn't execute this and several times, including the last play of the game where Demaryius Thomas caught the ball in stride and ran it down the field. Tebow also had a 51-yarder to Thomas, a 30-yard TD (both part of a 80-yard drive), another one to Thomas for 58 (setting up the second TD) and a 40 yarder to fells. All that adds up to a 31.6 yards per completion, on 10 completions. That equals 316 yards. Tebow 3:16 says he did it again.


The Falcons Dropped a Deuce
The Atlanta Falcons scored only two points against the New York Giants, make them the first team to ever drop a deuce, literally (many have done it figuratively) in the playoffs. A lot of people are blaming Mike Smith for his two failed attempts on 4th and 1. I actually liked both calls, going for the touchdown and not the field goal. If Smith gets the blame, it should be for the play-calling, which was unimaginative and telegraphed. If Matt Ryan gets the blame it's for turtling up instead of reaching forward with the football to get the first down.

Unstoppable
Right now the New Orleans Saints offense looks unstoppable. The Lions actually had them in check for the first half, until Drew Brees led them on 5 straight touchdown drives in the second. The Saints set a record for 626 yards, mostly because they kept throwing the ball at the end of the game when it was way out of reach. We all know the Lions secondary is one of the worst in the NFL so we'll see how they do against a better defense in the 49ers.

Worth the Wait
The Houston Texans waited a long time for their first playoff game. After several years of being touted as an upcoming contender, only to fall short because of the Colts, they finally got over the Indianapolis hump (with some help) and won the AFC South. Thanks to great performances from Arian Foster and JJ Watt, the Texans beat the Bengals in an entirely uninteresting game. I think they are but sacrificial lambs to the Ravens though.

Picture of the Week
Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw flex their muscles after combining for 155 rushing yards. Those two backs will be needed again this week if the Giants hope to slow down the Packers.



If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
New Orleans Saints 45 New England Patriots 41
I know the Packers are 15-1 but I just can't ignore how perfect the Saints offense looks. I really hope both teams win this weekend so we can see that epic matchup in the Conference Championship.

A Piece of My Childhood -- Gone

Golden's Deli, a staple for Staten Island Jews, has closed down.
Apparently the owners and the landlord couldn't agree on a lease arrangement. Golden's may reopen at some point in a new location.
But if not a lot of cool childhood memories will be gone:
I always loved the pickle bar
I liked sitting in the train/subway car, though it wasn't big enough to accommodate large parties
One time Mama Poop and Papa Poop played a trick on us, they told us we were going to dinner at Snedlog, and we had to figure out what it washttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
And of course, I will miss the mushroom barley soup, which came in third on my soup rankings



Story Suggested by BC

Weekly Picks

Had a little bit of a bounceback last week but the season is still a disaster. 11 games left, best I can do is get them all right.

cincinnati +3 1/2 HOUSTON
This is a tough game to call, as evidenced by the 3 point spread, which basically means pick'em on a neutral field. I trust Andy Dalton a little bit more than an injured TJ Yates, especially because if something happens to Yates, Jake Delhomme comes in.

NEW ORLEANS -10 1/2 detroit
This spread is way too big and there is definitely a chance Detroit is down 17 and scores a junk touchdown at the end. But I love the way the Saints are playing right now. And last week's record-setting performance by Matt Flynn wasn't an aberration. It doesn't necessarily mean Flynn is so great, it means the Detroit secondary is terrible. Basically we know New Orleans will score 31 or more. And Detroit can put points on the board, so this game comes down to Stafford's turnovers. If he has 1 or 0, the Lions will cover, if he throws 2 or more picks, the Saints will.

atlanta +3 NEW YORK GIANTS
I like the Falcons offense, but they are going to have a tough time containing Eli Manning and Victor Cruz. Similar to the other game, it's basically an even match, so I will just take the points.

BEST BET
pittsburgh -8 DENVER
I haven't been able to get Tim Tebow right all year. But I have finally jumped off the bandwagon again. Pittsburgh may have a hard time scoring 8 points, but if they do, they could very well shut out Denver.


Last Week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 38-47 (36 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (7-10)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (16-19)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-3)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (11-14)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (11-11)

Success and Sacrifice

On a recent episode of NFL Films Presents I caught up with some childhood heroes as the show visited a retreat sponsored by Coach Gibbs, gathering every player from the 4 Super Bowl teams he coached.
I was particularly moved by defensive end Charles Mann. He said when he wants to be reminded about his successes in life he looks at the ring finger on his right hand, where he wears his Super bowl ring.


When he wants to be reminded about the sacrifices needed to achieve that success he looks at the ring finger on his left hand.

What Do You Give Me For? Richard Cordray & Jack McBrayer

What do you give me for Richard Cordray, the President's choice to head the CFPB and Jack McBrayer who plays the gay guy on "30 Rock?"

NFL Playoff Predictions

Wild Card Playoffs
Atlanta Falcons over New York Giants
New Orleans Saints over Detroit Lions
Pittsburgh Steelers over Denver Broncos
Cincinnati Bengals over Houston Texans

Divisional Playoffs
Green Bay Packers over Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints over San Francisco 49ers
New England Patriots over Cincinnati Bengals
Baltimore Ravens over Pittsburgh Steelers

Conference Championships
New Orleans Saints over Green Bay Packers
Baltimore Ravens over New England Patriots

Super Bowl
New Orleans Saints 31 Baltimore Ravens 16

Song of the Week

"Love on Top" - Beyonce
I like to call her "Bee-Ontz." Funny mispronunciation of her name. Anyway, I don't usually dig Beyonce's music because she is so pop and the teenage girls love her. I did like her turn on "Party" with Andre3000 but since it's officially a Kanye West song I couldn't make it SOTW. I like the old school sound of this song, the simplistic video, the awesome dance moves, and the double-sided tape that provided a big assist in outfit #2.

The NFL is Poop - Week 17

Passing Fancy
2011 was a great season for passing and so it's fitting it should end with the best passing game ever. Matthew Stafford throwing for 520 yards and Matt Flynn for 480. A perfect round, 1000, the most combined passing yards in one game in NFL history. I have no idea why the Packers were playing so hard in a game that didn't matter. Do they think Aaron Rodgers is their only important player? They are lucky no one got hurt.



Easy Breesy
Drew Brees just completed the pest season any quarterback has ever had (by the numbers). Brees set records for passing yards, pass completions and completion percentage, which taken in context is even more impressive. Obviously, comparing Brees's accomplishments to passers from other eras is not fair, but by any measure, it's an impressive season, which is why Brees is my MVP. I had Rodgers going into the final week. But then when I saw Matt Flynn put up Rodgers-esque numbers in Green Bay's offense I decided to go with Brees, even though it's very likely he's a "system QB" too.

It Takes Years to Become an Overnight Sensation
Victor Cruz was an undrafted free agent. He made the most of his chance catching 3 touchdowns in a preseason game last year. But he got injured early in the season and didn't catch a pass. This season Cruz emerged, catching 82 passes for 1536 yards. Included in that total, 5 touchdowns of more than 65 yards, second-most all-time.



Second-to-last Tebow Rant?
I was too late to get on the Tim Tebow bandwagon and now I'm too late getting off it. Looks like I was right all along. Tebow cannot throw. And all his other positive attributes don't make up for that giant failing. Teams adjusted to Denver's half-option running game and actually played more man coverage against him because he's not good enough to pick apart zones. For the second straight year (Seattle last year) a home team is a bigger than touchdown underdog in the first round of the playoffs. And I don't like the Broncos chances against the Steelers.

Picture of the Week
Somewhere Mike Curtis is smiling because Packers linebacker Brad Jones tackled a fan who ran onto the field.



Bad Joke of the Week, Maybe Year
Kyle Orton's pass was too high. It went somewhere over Dewayne Bowe.



A Brief Rant About the Redskins
There is some hope for the future with some good young running backs (Helu and Royster), drug users (Fred Davis and Trent Williams) and great defensive lineman (Ryan Kerrigan and Brian Orakpo). But the back 7 of the defense is getting old (Hall, Wilson, Fletcher, Atogwe) and we still have no quarterback. And we're not getting Luck or Barkley so maybe we will rest the next three years of our franchise at the feet of Robert Griffin III.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Green Bay Packers 45 New England Patriots 41
These aren't my picks for the Super Bowl but these teams have surely done enough to warrant these spots for the final regular season Poop.

The Poop's New Year's Message

I am going to try to be better in 2012.
I know you’re thinking “but Poop you’re fine just the way you are.” And yes, I am pretty awesome but even I can get better, and I plan to do so in the following ways:
Most importantly, I want to control my temper. I don’t get outrageously angry too often, but I shouldn’t do it ever. And I can definitely avoid getting frustrated for even a minute with Mrs. Poop or Mama Poop. I think I do a pretty good job with the kids of dispensing discipline without getting angry but I’ll try even harder this year.
I want to lose weight. I’ve had this desire for a couple years now and haven’t had the time or energy to really go after it. I’m around 204 pounds (I was as high as 212) and I hope to get down to 185 at some point. I’m going to eat healthier, especially at work, and once the weather gets nicer I’m going to go out for a run at least three times a week. And I have to drink more water.
I want to post more. I hope 2012 will be the first full year in the history of the Poop which has more posts than the year before it. 2011 sank to 343 posts, an average of less than one per day. It is hard for me to find time to work on these posts. And I do lack motivation because readership has fallen so much. I’d say only about 5 people read regularly, with another 5 checking in occasionally. But statistically it was another great year for the Poop, as Jerry Sandusky Jokes contributed about 12,000 hits, the most popular post ever. I will try to continue cranking out posts to appeal to my regular readers, and to attract Googlers.
I will be more positive. See how I didn’t say “I want to…” My life is too good to waste any time being angry or upset. Though those emotions often fuel the best posts. In those cases I will harness them for artistic purposes and let them go. I will avoid negative people this year, and continue to seek to surround myself with positive energy. Note: this will not apply to my feelings about my favorite sports teams.
Check out my New Year’s predictions for 2011. Some of them were spot-on (though Julian walking, Bones winning and Juice proposing were layups), some were way off (how did the Heat, Patriots and Phillies all lose in the playoffs?) and some were pretty close (just need unemployment to fall by 0.2% in Friday’s report).

Weekly Picks

chicago +2 MINNESOTA
DENVER -3 kansas city
JACKSONVILLE -3 1/2 indianapolis
pittsburgh -7 CLEVELAND

BEST BET
baltimore -2 CINCINNATI

Last Week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 35-45 (31 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (6-10)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (15-18)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-3)
Road Favorites: 0-2 (10-13)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (10-11)

Enough Already

On December 18, 1997, a very funny episode of Seinfeld (aren't they all) aired. It was called "The Strike" and it introduced Frank Costanza's made-up holiday of Festivus.



On December 3, 2003, a very funny episode of The O.C. aired. It was called "Chrismukkah" and it introduced Seth Cohen's combined holiday of Chrismukkah.




It's been 14 years since Festivus, and 8 since Chrismukkah, yet I still see on Facebook and Twitter, people referring to these made-up holidays. I love the Festivus pole as much as the next guy, and I think Rachel Bilson looks hot, even in a Santa-cap/yarmulke hybrid but it's time we as a people moved on.

And until television writers can come up with the next fake holiday for us to worship, I think we should just stick to Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa (dammit).

Song of the Week

"Stan" - Eminem featuring Dido
Another good one from Eminem that shows his lyrical skills. I choose this one because Dido just had a baby. And she named him Stanley.

The NFL is Poop - Week 16

What a Weird Week
Very strange to have a full slate of NFL games on Saturday and only one game on Sunday. I see the reason they wanted to avoid Christmas but it just didn't feel normal to me.

Is This the End?
Will 2011 be known as the season Tim Tebow had his incredible run and was never heard from again? Tebow is finally falling victim to the turnover problems he avoided during his winning streak and his team is not good enough to recover from it. The supposedly great Denver defense that covered for Tebow during the winning streak has been charged with 81 points in the last two games. Though Tebow gifted at least 14 of those to the Bills. I stand by my statement that he has every attribute (size, speed, intelligence, leadership, devotion, work ethic, personality) that you would want in a quarterback, he just can't throw. His winning streak was very impressive, it's just not sustainable.

Don't Sleep on the Saints
All season long we have been focused on the Packers but the Saints are rounding back into form. They are 12-3 and have won 6 in a row. And the best new, they haven't allowed more than 24 points in any of those 6 games. The Packers have a weakness on defense and the Saints could expose it. The biggest problem for the Saints could be that they would have to face the Packers in the NFC Championship, in Green Bay, at Lambeau Field, on the Frozen Tundra, in late January. Those factors could prevent another game like the 42-34 thriller that started this season.

Picture of the Week
Pierre Thoams pulled a gold bow out of his uniform and stuck it on the football after scoring a touchdown. He then gave the "Christmas present" to a fan in the front row. I can see giving him a 15-yard penalty to prevent the antics from getting out of hand as they did in the TO-Chad Johnson-Joe Horn days. But I don't think a fine is warranted. We'll see.



Playoff Scenarios
Right now it seems like 7 teams are still alive for 3 playoff spots.
The Cowboys and Giants play a playoff game on NBC Sunday night. NBC flexed this game away from Fox. So both matchups of these teams became Sunday Night affairs.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
What can I say? Another horrible loss in an already horrible season. Even Mike Shanahan says this rebuilding project is harder than he thought.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Green Bay Packers 35 New England Patriots 31
I still have a lot of confidence in Green Bay but I think New Orleans is going to be very tough. As for the Patriots, they are going to have a tough time with Baltimore or Pittsburgh. Not sure I would favor them to get through once the playoffs start.

Something Syracuse and Penn State Alumni Can Agree On

I think the Syracuse alums, and especially the Penn State people are just sick of talking and thinking about these god damn child molesters who have embarrassed our Universities.