Funny or Douchey?

John Savio and Reko Rivera had this great idea for Halloween, they are going to be "guyphones" -- life-sized iPhones.
Basically they hooked up their iPhones to 42" flat-screen TVs which they used as the display. They're powered by a battery which hangs between their legs.
The costumes cost $1000 but the duos planned to make that money back by winning costume contests.
It took 90 hours of work to create the guyphones which are heavy, hot and hard to walk in.

Happy Halloween

Chase in 2009:




Chase in 2008:



Chase in 2007:

Weekly Picks

Giants fucked me last week which really sucks because the favorites came up big last week meaning it was easy pickings. I'm a little worried about the favorites this week coming off a week like that, especially those trying to cover big spreads, so I'll go with some unusual tactics and see what happens.

denver +3 BALTIMORE
I'll believe until someone beats them. This could certainly be the game they get their first loss but I just have a feeling.

BUFFALO +3 houston
Time for another home underdog.

CHICAGO -13 cleveland
Something tells me the Bears and Jay Cutler will bounce back from last week's embarrassment with a strong performance against the putrid Browns.

INDIANAPOLIS -12 1/2 sam francisco
I know I said I was a little nervous about the big favorites this week but this is Alex Smith versus Peyton Manning.

BEST BET
jacksonville +3 TENNESSEE
How do the Titans give points to anyone? I am going to keep picking against the Titans until the oddsmakers figure out how bad they are.



Last week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 18-17 (19 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (4-3)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (4-3)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 3-0 (8-7)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (5-7)

I Before E

British schools are asking teachers not to teach their students "I before E."
That's because there are too many exceptions to that mnemonic device.
And not just "except after C or when sounding like A as in neighbor or weigh."
The old saw "is not worth teaching" because of words like sufficient, veil and their.

Hotel Clerks Presumably Also in Cahoots with Erin Andrews's Videographer

The guy who taped Erin Andrews naked has been arrested and we are learning more about his scheme -- and thus far nothing to incriminate Andrews as being in on it.

Michael David Barrett was actually arrested for this "crime" and the whole thing kind of reminds me of George Costanza's famous speech in "The Fire."

"Instead of castigating me you should all be thanking me. What kind of topsy-turvy world do we live in where heroes are cast as villains, brave men, as cowards."

Note: his entire speech begins at about 55 seconds of this clip



Barrett risked his personal freedom to perform a great service to mankind and by all accounts never profited from his selfless act.

If we are to hold anyone responsible it should be the hotel clerks who granted Barrett's request when he asked for the room next to Erin Andrews.

I mean seriously how do you work at a hotel for even five minutes and think it's a good idea to grant someone's request for the room next to a hot sexy bitch like Erin Andrews. The only way I can understand it is if Barrett paid them a huge bribe.

Based on her actions in the clip (who straightens her hair naked?), all the hoopla and attention she garnered, as well as her faux outrage, I thought for a minute Andrews might have covertly or possibly overtly been involved in this scheme. But I am now starting to doubt that and I'm ready to believe she really was victimized by a crazed stalker.

A crazed stalker, through whose efforts we were able to see Erin Andrews's titties, but a crazed stalker nonetheless.

What Do You Give Me For? Chase and the Cobra Kai on Halloween

For Halloween/Laurie Berkner pajama party concert Chase dressed up in the same costume the guys from Cobra Kai wore on Halloween.

My Personal Crusade to Cure America's Social Ills

I have long said the biggest problem confronting America today is a lack of personal responsibility. In this country we don't make mistakes, we make excuses. We don't hold each other to a high standard of behavior, we don't hold one another accountable for misdeeds. But I do.

Note: for those of you bitterly remembering an incorrect answer on my Facebook quiz, that question referred to the most DISTURBING trend in America. Under that criteria the women who pay thousands of dollars to have their lips look like mine still disturbs me more than anything else.

Today while swiping my metrocard to pay $2.25 for a subway ride a young man hopped the turnstile. As I walked past him I said "next time you should pay like everyone else."
He replied, very dismissively, "ok."

If Mama Poop is reading this she is about to plotz thinking "are you crazy? He could have had a gun."

But I didn't say it in a confrontational manner and being somewhat bigger than this guy I didn't fear a physical reaction.

I just wanted him to know that his criminal behavior did not go unnoticed in my city.

Maybe if more people were as diligent in policing each other as I am the MTA wouldn't have to constantly jack up fares.

Song of the Week

"Love Like This" - Natasha Beddingfield featuring Sean Kingston

I know I'm not supposed to like pop music but everything this chick does is fire.

Can We Finally Stop Talking About This Now?

I'm sick of hearing reports that Mets owners the Wilpons lost millions in the Ponzi Scheme and therefore can no longer afford players and may be forced to sell the team.
Like any Ponzi scheme those who are first in make out like bandits while everyone else was holding the bag.
The Wilpons throughout the years invested $522.8 million dollars with Madoff. And over that time they withdrew $570.6 million.
Yes, they made money.
Now psychologically the Wilpons -- like many of Madoff's other "victims" -- took a huge blow because they thought they still had millions of dollars and all that went poof and disappeared.
But facts are facts, the Wilpons made money on Madoff, and may even be forced to repay some since they made out so well.
I hope that ends this discussion once and for all and get back to calling them cheap Jews when they fail to spend like the Yankees this offseason.

David Spade Mixing Drinks Octagonside

During UFC 104 during they showed David Spade sitting in the crowd. When he raised his hand to acknowledge the camera you could see he was drinking a Coke but in between his fingers was one of those little airplane bottles of Jack Daniels.

I wonder if they actually sell or provide those liquor bottles at Staples Center or did Spade make an alcohol run before the fight then sneak them past arena security.

Thoughts on the fights below the picture.



Obviously the Lyoto Machida decision victory over Shogun Rua was very controversial. I kind of agree that overall Rua did more to win the fight but if all three judges scored it the same then maybe it wasn't a fix and Machida really won three of those rounds. Each of the first two rounds probably could have gone either way. Also, do you judge strikes to the head the same way you judge kicks to the leg. Yes Shogun landed a lot of kicks, and they did damage, but Machida landed many more blows to the head.

I also think the announce team influenced general opinion on this fight (though the in-arena crowd reacted as well). Mike Goldberg was harping on the scoring the whole time and Joe Rogan tried to dismiss him several times by saying basically "who knows what the judges see, forget about it and watch the fight." But Goldberg kept going leading to an argument over Machida's strategy, Goldberg saying he needed to do something desperate, Rogan saying desperation can get you knocked out, and Goldberg saying without desperation you get decisioned out of your title.

I love Machida and I'm glad he won but this is the problem with him sometimes. He's so elusive and so patient that some of his fights lack action. This one was kind of interesting from a technical standpoint, and there was action, there just weren't any decisive moments.

I think whichever way the decision ended up on this one would have been disappointing. Obviously, Rua losing pissed some people off but it would have been kind of hollow for him to take the belt with that performance.

What's the Beef?

Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez is caught on the sidelines eating a hot dog during his team's 38-0 win over the Raiders. Look at his technique, he's trying not to let the cameras see:



For some reason he had to apologize after the game. I don't understand why. He was hungry so he ate. How does that constitute showing up the opposition? Is it just because he was eating a hot dog? What foods are acceptable to eat on the sidelines.

The Secret to A-Rod's Sudden Post-Season Success

For years A-Rod has been an enigma, one of the best players in baseball history, but every year of his Yankee career he failed and failed miserably in the playoffs.
But this year something changed. Through 8 post-season games this year A-Rod is batting .400, with a ridiculous 1.453 OPS. He has 5 homers several of which came in clutch situations late in games.
So what's changed?
Some are saying A-Rod is playing free and easy this year because he split with his wife, his marital infidelities are out in the open. So too is his steroid use. Those revelations may have freed A-Rod to just play -- without the pressure that may have been holding him back.

But I have a different suggestion. I think A-Rod is following a decades old baseball slump-busting ritual. He's enlisted the help of a "slump-buster" an ugly girl you fuck to break your streak of bad luck.




Nick Swisher on the other hand is batting .118 in the playoffs.
His girlfriend is Joanna Garcia of "Gossip Girl" and "Reba" fame:

Weekly Picks

Survived another week thanks to getting my best bet. Some surprising games last week but I went with the Pats and had the easiest victory of my career. A few games I like this week but the spreads are big so I had a hard time deciding on a best bet.

philadelphia -7 WASHINGTON
I never do this. This is the first time I remember picking a Redskins regular season game. But they are in such disarray I can't imagine them scoring more than 10 points in this game. After an embarrassing loss to the Raiders I think the Eagles need this game. We've seen this before from Philadelphia and McNabb, after a bad game they come with a good offensive performance.

minnesota +6 PITTSBURGH
When do you ever see an undefeated team getting this many points. Especially against a team that isn't playing all that well. Even in wins over Detroit and Cleveland the Steelers didn't cover which seems to be a sign the handicappers are still overrating them based on last year.

ny jets -6 OAKLAND
The Jets have a chance to send their season down the toilet with a loss here. Even JaMarcus Russell doesn't throw 5 interceptions two weeks in a row. Nor will Russell win two weeks in a row.

new orleans -6 MIAMI
The Saints are quite simply the best team in football and there's no way the Wildcat can keep up.

BEST BET
NY GIANTS -7 arizona
The Giants are due for a strong bounceback here. But there's another factor at work here. The old West Coast team coming to the East. Yes, it's late in the day and yes the Cardinals have already won twice in this situation this season and yes, I don't even believe in this cockamamie theory, but people are talking about it, we'll see. But really the Giants are just really good and they are going to want to put on a better performance than they did last week.

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 15-15 (17 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (4-2)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (4-2)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (5-7)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (5-6)

I Am the Drew Brees of Photographing Children

And Mrs. Poop is the Jason Campbell.

Anyone with kids will tell you how difficult it is to photograph a child. They won't stand still. They won't stand up straight and they certainly won't smile.

To combat this juvenile restlessness I employ the Drew Brees method. I aim and fire at the spot I think my receiver will be.

Mrs. Poop on the other wants for her receivers to get open, then she waits another second to make sure they're still open but by then it's too late.

This picture was taken with my grip it and rip it technique. I literally just stuck my arm out and snapped.

Another Sociological Trend I Pioneered

Before I came along the whole world was eating chicken wings and getting sauce all over their fingers and faces. Then thanks to my OCD I started eating boneless buffalo wings. Now boneless has become such a trend there's a great article in the New York Times about the trend.
The article foolishly credits an unusual shift in chicken pricing for the popularity of bonelessness.
The convenience, cleanliness and cool factor I've brought to boneless is what's really driving the trend.

Not Sure Who is More Embarrassed About This One

MSNBC's Contessa Brewer makes an embarrassing mistake while introducing Jesse Jackson.




Jackson's face while waiting to correct her was priceless. I love the way she threw the producer/writer under the bus. And even if the script did say Sharpton she had to have known who was coming on.

The Tubby Temptress

Whenever a sex scandal breaks the first thing everyone wants is pictures of the girl. Well Steve Phillips is likely to be more embarrassed by these photos today than he was about the birthmark revelation. The New York Post which has a bad habit of using the term "beauty" loosely when describing women used the term "Tubby Temptress" for Brooke Hundley. Even the Post can't put lipstick on this pig.

Steve Phillips Has a Birthmark Above His Penis

And also one on his inner thigh.

The former Mets GM who screwed Mets fans for years is now screwing Production Assistants at his new job calling games for ESPN.

During a road trip to St. Louis Phillips who is 46 slept with a 22-year-old PA named Brooke Hundley.



Phillips says he fucked her three times in total, and when he decided to break it off with her that's when things went crazy.

Hundley would call his house, she even showed up and backed her car into a stone wall while fleeing his wife. She stalked Phillips son on Facebook pretending to be his high school classmate.

Hundley sent this letter to Phillips's wife, telling her about their affair, their sexually explicit text messages and his desire to leave her.

As a means of proof she closed the letter with this: "Steve has a big birthmark on his crotch right above his penis and one on his left inner thigh, so you know I'm not being fake."


Phillips has done this before, banging a team employee while he was running the Mets.

Last time, his wife stood by him, this time Mrs. Phillips is filing for divorce. I hope she takes everything he's got, leaving him with nothing but a birthmark above his penis.

Song of the Week

"Something Happened on the Way to Heaven" - Phil Collins
There are so many great songs about couples fighting and breaking up but since Mrs. Poop and I seldom have a serious fight lasting longer than five minutes, I never get to post any of them.
Last night I picked a fight with her just so I could post this song.

"We've had our problems but I'm on your side."

Paul From Staten Island

In "Big Fan" Patton Oswalt plays a sports-obsessed toll collector who calls talk radio shows as "Paul from Staten Island" and scripts what he is going to say.
The movie was only in very limited release (though it did play at The Atrium on Staten Island) so you might have to catch it on DVD. It got pretty good reviews and looks promising but it sort of calls to mind another movie with a similar plot and a similar name which is frequently discussed as one of the worst movies ever, "The Fan."

This About Sums It Up

The Redskins are 2-4 despite having played only winless teams.
After the Giants in Week 1 the Reskins five oppponents have been St. Louis, Detroit, Tampa Bay, Carolina and Kansas City.
Those teams are 3-2 against the Redskins, 1-1 against each other and 0-22 against the rest of the league.
If the Redskins were just a reasonably bad team, instead of an historically bad one, they could easily be 5-1 at this point.

But their offense is so bad they can barely score a touchdown, settling for field goal after field goal when they do get lucky enough to get the ball into the red zone.

Jason Campbell is a big part of the problem. He just holds the ball too longm resulting in a ton of sacks. But watch Drew Brees, he throws the ball anticipating where his receiver will be. Campbell holds it until his receiver gets open, then holds it another second to make sure hs stays open, then gets sacked before he can release it. He's horrible and he'll never be a good NFL QB.

Jim Zorn is a shitty coach who is in way over his head and has too many responsibilities (until now where his play-calling duties were taken away).

Next year there will be no salary caps and I expect Daniel Snyder to spare no expense in trying to fix this team so the Redskins can be Super Bowl Champs during what would be the 2011 season (which will get canceled due to a labor dispute).

Weekly Picks

If you take off that miserable first week I'm actually on fire, hitting 65% of my games over four weeks.

CINCINNATI -5 houston
According to NFL gambling lore, if two perfectly even teams were playing each other, the home team would be a three point favorite. If that's the case how are the Bengals not giving 7 to 10 points in this one?

new york giants +3 1/2 NEW ORLEANS
Perfect example of the above stated theory. The Saints are giving these points because they are the home team. It really doesn't make any sense though because the Giants are definitely the better team.

philadelphia -14 OAKLAND
No spread seems too big for the Raiders to lose by. And the Eagles have been doing a good job scoring points this year.

denver +3 1/2 SAN DIEGO
Another game, similar situation. Why would anyone believe the Chargers are a better team than the Broncos this year?

BEST BET
NEW ENGLAND -9 tennessee
Until the handicappers who set these lines figure out the Titans are not the same team they were when they were 13-3 last season, I'm going to keep picking against them, maybe as my best bet every week.



Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 13-12 (14 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (3-2)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (3-1)
Home Underdogs: 1-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 1-2 (5-6)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (4-5)

Big Fat Liar

Linda Brown rolls up to Burlington Coat Factory in Columbus, Ohio in a Hummer limo.



She tells everyone she just won $1.5 million in the lottery and has no family so she wants to use her newfound wealth to buy everyone a coat, up to $500.



People start going nuts in the store, grabbing everything they can find, and calling friends and relatives to come down and do the same.
Eventually it comes out that Brown is a liar. She didn't win the lottery, she doesn't have any money, and she's not paying for anything.
That set off a near-riot as people starting trashing the store and even stealing some of the things they thought they were going to get for free.

Brown's daughter says she thinks her mom must be off her medication.



Here's the video:

He Was Over Unger and Under Dunn

Kareem-Abdul Jabbar has an embarrassing moment on Jeopardy!

The President Slept on the Couch

At the Latina Fiesta with a whole hot of Hispanic hotties in attendance (including J.lo and Eva Longoria) the President got himself in some hot water. He got up to dance with Thalia and I don't think Michelle was too happy with him.
Watch carefully when he sits back down at the table.
He tries to talk to her and she gives him the "I know you didn't just dance with that Hispanic hussy and fan yourself because she's hot. You are in b ig trouble when we get home mister" face.

Why Drunk Drivers Survive Crashes

It's been an often quoted adage that a drunk driver is more likely to survive a crash than sober people. Now there's proof this is not just an urban legend.

"Trauma patients who were drunk before they were injured were more likely to survive than sober trauma patients, U.S. researchers have found. Another recent study had a similar finding.
The latest study of 7,985 trauma patients found that 7% of sober patients died compared to 1% of intoxicated patients. All of the patients were of similar age and had similar injuries.

The findings appear in the October issue of the journal American Surgeon.

"This study is not encouraging the use of alcohol," principal investigator Dr. Christian de Virgilio of the Los Angeles Biomedical Research Institute at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, said in a news release. "It is seeking to further explore earlier studies that had found alcohol may improve the body's response to severe injuries. If alcohol is proven to improve the body's response to traumatic injury, it could lead to treatments that help patients survive and recover more quickly."

It's believed that alcohol may reduce the risk of death by changing the body's chemical response to injury.

A study published in the September issue of the Archives of Surgery looked at more than 38,000 head trauma patients and found that the death rate was 7.7% for those who'd consumed alcohol and 9.7% for those who hadn't had alcohol."

Song of the Week

"To Live and Die in L.A." - 2Pac
For this week at least L.A. is my favorite city in the country as I root vehemently for an L.A. World Series to save me from the indignity of watching the Yankees and Phillies play each other for the title.
As if I wasn't sure before, that would be the final proof that The Universe hates Mets fans.

Owen Schmitt is Certifiably Insane

Seattle Seahawks fullback Owen Schmitt is one crazy son of a bitch. The guy bloodied himself during the introductions on Sunday.





This is not the first time Schmitt went batshit crazy and hit himself on the head with a helmet. There are so many great stories about Schmitt. He would be the type of gritty, hard-nosed, make-the-most-of-limited-talent player I would love, if I didn't have the sneaking suspicion of steroid use.

Adam Dunn Falls Short and Other Statistical Observations

Adam Dunn hit exactly 40 homers in each of the past four season, and after he hits his 37th on September 11 I thought he had a pretty good chance of making it five in row. But Dunn went into a horrible slump, hitting only one more home run in his last 19 games, a span of 64 at bats.



But one guy who never misses a chance to pad his stats is A-Rod. Because he missed 30 games or so early in the year his 11-year stretch of at least 30 homers and 100 RBI was in jeopardy. He needed 2 homers and 7 RBI on the season's final day. And wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what he got.

Joe Mauer won his third batting title. Most ever for a catcher. No other catcher has won even one since World War II. His .365 batting average is the highest ever for a catcher.

Mark Reynolds struck out 223 times in in 578 at bats. That breaks his own record of 204 set last year. Reynolds made out 425 times, 52% of those outs were by strikeout. But as Reynolds himself said "who cares?" Reynolds had 44 homers which is great but only 102 RBI, which is probably fewer than a guy who puts the ball in play more. He walked 76 times and had an .892 OPS, but numbers which are respectable. But here's where you really see the impact of his Ks: 3 sacrifice flies, and only 8 grounded into double plays.



On Opening Day Adam Lind had 6 RBI, putting him on pace for 972 for the season (and 162 homers). When I e-mailed TallSkott about Lind's remarkable pace he replied "On pace for 972, will end up with 50." Lind ended up with 35 homers and 114 RBI making him one of this season's biggest offensive surprises.

Weekly Picks

A decent week but three points is just treading water, I need to string together a few big weeks in a row.

KANSAS CITY +8 dallas
I haven't picked a home underdog at all this year and I think this spread gives us a chance to lose by a touchdown and still cover.

pittsburgh -10.5 DETROIT
The Lions have been putting up points and the Steelers have been giving them up in bunches, but something tells me the Steelers defense will toughen up this week, especially late with a big lead.

atlanta +2.5 SAN FRANCISCO
I've underestimated the 49ers a few times this year but I just don't trust Shaun Hill.

new england -3.5 DENVER
I said Denver would have a disastrous year and I was dead wrong. But that doesn't mean they are going to win every game and give up the fewest points ever. The Patriots have bounced back from their loss to the Jets and got a big win last week against the Ravens (thanks to some bad officiating and a drop by Mark Clayton) but I think they can go on the road and knock Denver down a peg. And if they should lose, I guarantee Belichick won't be shaking McDaniels's hand after the game.

BEST BET
indianapolis -3.5 TENNESSEE
Am I reading this right? The Colts are only giving up 3 and a half points to the Titans? Usually when a line seems like a typo I get scared and stay away from it. Not this time. This seems too juicy. You've got the Colts, maybe the best team in the NFL, led by Peyton Manning playing some of the best football of his career. Then you have the Titans who are giving up points by the bucketload and don't look anything like the team they were last year, or the team oddsmakers seem to think they are. I'd be shocked if the Colts didn't cover.

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 10-10 (10 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (2-2)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (3-1)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-0)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (4-4)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (3-5)

There are Two Kinds of People in This Country

Americans are waking up this morning to learn President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. The President was awarded the prize because of his "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples."

Because the nation is very polarized right now I'm betting most people fall roughly in line with one of the following schools of thought.

"I'm glad the President was recognized for his efforts to restore America's image in the world."

Or

"He got the Nobel Peace Prize for going around the world and apologizing for everything America's ever done."




Because I try not to post too many things about politics on this blog, for months I never completed a post I started about President Obama. It was titled "Let's Not Start Sucking the President's Dick Quite Yet."
That's a bastardization of The Wolf's famous line from "Pulp Fiction" but it just means "maybe we're getting a little ahead of ourselves."
At the time I was inspired by an article suggesting in 50 years schoolchildren would be learning about Presidents Washington, Lincoln and Obama.
I'm sure no matter how you answered the above question you probably would agree that pronouncement and the Nobel Peace Prize may be a little premature.
Because The Wolf knew Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield (and I guess President Obama too) did a great job cleaning up a mess, but congratulations don't come until we see results.

World peace is a results business.

Best Captcha Ever

If you've ever posted a comment on this blog (and many of you haven't --- no matter how many times I beg) you might notice it requires you to type in what is called a "captcha."
It's basically a random sequence of letters but every so often it can be a real word -- or in this case, the name of someone special.

That Would Get Me To Go To the Game

Troy University, in an effort to increase student attendance at its Tuesday night national TV game on ESPN used an interesting promotional campaign.

"Bear Woods is going to punch every student in the face who doesn't show up at the game," quarterback Levi Brown said.

Ok, so that's not an official school campaign, but it would still scare me enough.

Baseball Playoff Predictions

Division Series:
Twins over Yankees in 4
Red Sox over Angels in 5

Phillies over Rockies in 4
Cardinals over Dodgers in 3

League Championship Series:
Red Sox over Twins in 5
Cardinals over Phillies in 7

World Series:
Cardinals over Red Sox in 6

Post your picks in the comments section

I Hate Sports Cliches

One of the worst parts of being a sports fan in this day and age is having to listen to and read hundreds of writers and formers players spouting the same hackneyed cliches.

After that classic 1-game playoff between the Twins and the Tigers, everyone and their mother is saying the real winner of this game is the Yankees.

It's true the Twins are facing a difficult travel schedule and they won't be able to set their pitching rotation. And it's also true they will probably lose to the Yankees.

But if they do it will be because the Yankees are a better team.

If they don't, expect the same idiot analysts to say the Twins were the "hot" team and came in with all the "momentum" and having to wait two days actually hurt the Yankees.

Song of the Week

"La La La" - LMFAO
Featuring Jonna from "The Real World: Cancun"

Why is Master Bates Smiling?

Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman reports the Mets will hire Wally Backman.

"The team now appears willing to give scrappy fan favorite Wally Backman a chance to return to baseball in a minor-league job. Backman has technically not been given a new position yet, but he's been told they'd like to hire him and have invited him for an interview that is expected to be a formality.

The Mets apparently will resist any temptation to immediately add Backman to the major-league staff.

The Mets fired a few minor-league coaches recently and have openings to fill there as well."



But that's not all the good news for MB.

The Marlins have had conversations with Bobby Valentine about a possible position within the organization.
Current manager Fredi Gonzalez is expected to be fired.

Weekly Picks

Another good week until the Steelers choked away my perfect 6. Unfortunately losing 2 of 3 best bets makes my score look worse than it should be. I think I have a surefire best bet this week though.

baltimore +2 NEW ENGLAND
Something about this spread strikes me as off, which normally worries me. I know the Patriots somewhat shook off two bad weeks with a big win over the Falcons, but the Ravens have looked like the best team in the NFL so far. And they're getting points.

CHICAGO -10 detroit
I know the Lions won last week and they are on a roll. I know the Bears have gotten pretty lucky and could easily be 0-3. I know the spread is pretty big. But I still like Jay Cutler and I think the Lions chances of winning two in a row after a 19-game losing streak are pretty slim. And if I don't think the underdog can win, I will usually pick the favorite.

new york jets +7 NEW ORLEANS
I was looking at this game and couldn't quite decide who I thought was going to win. Sure the Saints look awesome, but I think the Jets look pretty good too. The Saints pretty clearly have the best offense in the NFL. But the Jets have a formidable defense, and good defense beats good offense. No, Mark Sanchez won't be able to keep up with Drew Brees but he won't have to. Getting a touchdown, I have to take the Jets.

cincinnati -6 CLEVELAND
Since they got their heart ripped out in week 1 the Bengals have rebounded nicely. The Browns are horrible and could be getting worse thanks to their horrible control freak coach whom they all hate.

BEST BET
new york giants -8 1/2 KANSAS CITY
I'm shocked this game is not a double digit spread. I see this game being a very similar game to the one the Giants played last week. A dominating performance on both sides of the ball.


Last week: 4-1 (3 points)
Season: 8-7 (7 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (1-2)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (2-1)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-0)
Road Favorites: 3-1 (3-3)
Road Underdogs: 3-0 (3-3)

Turn-Ons: Walks in the Woods, Musicians (especially Saxophonists) and Sledgehammers

The first thing everyone says when they see the Infinity 2008 video is "who is that girl?"
She's a German model named Janina Wissler, and yes, she is smoking hot.
In fact, I think I could just post pictures of her face and everyone would say she's one of the hottest girls ever.
But that wouldn't be any fun.

Chase is a Model Student

For most kids the first days of preschool can be rough, not knowing if your parents are ever coming back.
But for Chase, he has adjusted to preschool with no problem, even though he'd basically spent the first two years of his life with me or Mrs. Poop constantly around.
Every time we go pick him up (best part of my crazy work schedule is being around at 11am to pick him up) the teachers offer other parents detailed explanations of their children's behavior: "he started to cry at 10:30 because he missed mommy."
But for Chase, all we get is "he was fine."
When I pressed the teacher for more information she basically said he never cries, never does anything wrong and he loves marching.

What Do You Give Me For? Stedman Graham and Eric Holder

What do you give me for Attorney General Eric Holder and Oprah's beard Stedman Graham?

Song of the Week

"The Times They are A-Changin" - Bob Dylan
For a song written 45 years it pretty well describes what's going on in the country right now.
In fact, the same song could be written today, about today, but with a much different music video.

"Come Senators, Congressman
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
For the battle outside ragin
Will soon shake your windows and rattle your walls
The times they are a-changin"

Where Were the Sign Police On This One?

After recent events you knew horny college kids would get creative with their signs on College Gameday. Even though ESPN does have a sign police, this type of thing is impossible to stop.



"Hey Erin, I eat pussy...well."
Kind of crude if you ask me. I still prefer the classic and clever Lee Corso sign.

Story suggested by Master Bates

Weekly Picks

A nice bounceback week thanks to some small underdogs that should have been favorites. Now I need another 5 or 6 points this week to erase the horror of Week 1. There are a lot of games I like which is usually a bad sign.

NEW YORK JETS -2 1/2 tennessee
Coming into the season there were probably higher expectations for the Titans than for the Jets. But it's possible last season the Titans overachieved thanks to Kerry Collins and turnovers. Two things that might not have carried over to this year. So I am going with my old theory, "Believe what you see, not what you believe."

green bay -6 1/2 ST. LOUIS
Here's a game I like. The Packers are better than they showed last week, I don't think they will lose to two bad teams in a row. I don't think the Rams are all that good either but they did almost win last week.

chicago -2 SEATTLE
I like the Bears, what can I say? They got a huge win against Pittsburgh and I think Cutler got his worst behind him with that horror show in week 1. I'm not impressed with the Seahawks at all, and think the Bears defense can shut them down.

denver -1 1/2 OAKLAND
I'm changing my mind on Denver really quickly this season. But I think JaMarcus Russell fuckin sucks. Although it is dangerous to see a guy play so poorly, then expect him to do the very same the following week.

BEST BET
pittsburgh -3 1/2 CINCINNATI
The Steelers are not losing two games in a row this early in the season. The fact that the spread is 3 1/2 scares me a little because so many games end up 3 point differences. But I trust the Steelers to totally clamp down on defense and win this game big.

Last week: 4-1 (5 points)
Season: 4-6 (4 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (1-1)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (1-1)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-0)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (0-2)
Road Underdogs: 3-0 (3-3)

A Fitting Yom Kippur Story

Proud of his religion and worried about its future, Chicago dentist Max Feinberg wrote a will with an unusual catch: His grandchildren wouldn't inherit a penny if they married someone who wasn't Jewish.

His decision led to family feuds, lawsuits, counterclaims and, on Thursday, a unanimous ruling by the Illinois Supreme Court that Feinberg and his wife were within their rights to disinherit any grandchildren who married outside the faith.

"Equal protection does not require that all children be treated equally ... and the free exercise clause does not require a grandparent to treat grandchildren who reject his religious beliefs and customs in the same manner as he treats those who conform to his traditions," Justice Rita Garman wrote in a ruling that overturned decisions by two lower courts.

One disinherited granddaughter had argued it was improper for a will to set up conditions that promote religious intolerance in people's marriage decisions or even encouraged couples to divorce.

"It is at war with society's interest in eliminating bigotry and prejudice, and conflicts with modern moral standards of religious tolerance," said Michele Feinberg Trull's brief to the Supreme Court.

The court's ruling was based partly on technicalities in the way this estate was arranged. The court did not provide a broad ruling on whether similar religious restrictions would be valid under other circumstances.

The dispute has its roots in 1986, when Feinberg died.

He put his money into trusts for his family, but his will declared that any grandchild marrying someone who wasn't Jewish, or who didn't convert to Judaism, "shall be deemed to be deceased" and would inherit nothing.

Feinberg's will gave control of the trusts to his wife, Erla. When she died and the grandchildren were to inherit $250,000 each, she followed her husband's wishes and imposed the same restrictions.

By that time, four of the five grandchildren had married gentiles.

Erla Feinberg's death triggered a series of disputes. Trull accused her father and aunt, the Feinbergs' children, of mishandling the family money. In return, they tried to get the lawsuit dismissed on the grounds that the daughter was "dead" for purposes of inheritance and had no standing to sue.

So the courts had to decide whether it's acceptable for a will to base inheritance on someone's marriage and religion.

Feinberg's son, Michael, argues there's nothing wrong with it.

Michael, who stands to inherit more money if his children are cut out, argued in court documents that the will simply rewards the grandchildren who help preserve the "heritage and faith" his father loved.

His position won the support of several Jewish organizations, including Agudath Israel of America, a national Orthodox group.

David Zwiebel, executive vice president of Agudath Israel, said he didn't know of any other court rulings that directly address whether a will can tie inheritance to religious choices. Such restrictions aren't unusual, he said, because some people want to discourage intermarriage that is contributing to the declining number of Jews in America.

"There is a strong sense within certain segments of the Jewish community that in order to preserve the religious identity, it's important to promote marriage within the faith," Zwiebel said.

Michael Feinberg, who is the co-executor of his parent's estate, was pleased by the ruling but had no other comment, his attorney said. Trull's attorney said she was disappointed but looking forward to court action on her other legal claims.

The two sides of the family can't even agree on what to call the part of the will causing all the trouble. The granddaughter calls it "the Jewish clause." Her parents have adopted the phrase "religious preference clause."

The state Supreme Court based much of its decision on the fact that Erla Feinberg's will awarded set amounts of money based on the marriage status of the grandchildren at the time of her 2003 death -- either they qualified for the money or they didn't. The court said that meant the will didn't try to control what the grandchildren would do in the future and didn't offer any incentive for a particular couple to divorce.

A will that provided money year after year if the heir did not marry a gentile might not pass muster, the court suggested. That's because it would amount to a dead man trying to control actions for years to come and would encourage divorces so that people could claim an inheritance.

I honestly don't see what the legal dispute is here. To my knowledge, there isn't nor should there be a law restricting to whom and for what reason heirs are chosen.
This reminds me of how people often confuse the free speech debate. Free speech and equal protection are granted by the government. If this old coot wants to treat his grandchildren unequally, that should be his right.
You know how many root canals this poor schmoe had to do to earn this money.
He doesn't want some schicza with a cute nose marrying his grandson and using his hard-earned money to buy Christmas presents.
I can't believe the case even came this far.

Should TON Do Some Work?

I hate change.
But there comes a time when it becomes necessary to improve.
For instance, the blue and orange background you see now has been my layout since I started this blog nearly four years ago.
But as things change (this blog predates youtube), this layout may have outlived its usefulness.
Is it time for TON to choose a new layout that doesn't cut off widescreen youtube vidoes?

Paulo's Book Club: "Fooled by Randomness"

A funny thing about life, two people can look at the same thing, and see it completely differently. And that's why I didn't like "Fooled by Randomness" by Nassem Nicholas Taleb.

The book explores the "Hidden Role of Chance in Life and the Markets," something I often think about.

But here's the difference, I look at the strange things that happen and see the Universe, Taleb sees randomness.



The book is interesting because Taleb provides a great many thought experiments to prove his points but his thinking a little rigid, and he overuses ancient philosophers.

One of Taleb's main point is about the "black swan." He theorizes, correctly, that seeing a million white swans, doesn't prove that all swans are white, but seeing only one black swan, disproves that theory.

The Black Swan (another of Taleb's books) is the name for an unexpected event. He used the black swan theory to say that basically none of the traders on Wall Street have any idea what they are doing. They just do what everyone else is doing, and through pure luck, avoid the black swan. But when the black swan comes, the explode, and explode spectactularly, a theory that seems to fit and even the foretell the current economic crisis.

Although I disagree with Taleb's cynicism, many of you who think my Universe talk is crazy might enjoy his take. Hell, he may even be right. But my way is much more fun.

How Does Tim Tebow Resist This Temptation?

Under normal circumstances it would be good to be Tim Tebow. The guy is not only a ladies' man, but he's also a man's man. He's tough as nails, has two national titles and a Heisman Trophy and one of the greatest speeches of all time.

Only problem is, this guy claims to be a virgin. He comes from an ultra-conservative Christian family, and says yes in fact he is a virgin.
I can't believe a college kid could resist when girls who look like this are wearing t-shirts that say "fuck me, Tim Tebow."



I mean, could he really walk away from a girl with tits like these without fucking her? I don't think so.

You Know What's Coming

"Three separate missions examining the moon have found clear evidence of water there, apparently concentrated at the poles and possibly formed by the solar wind."

But did they find any water on Uranus?

Did I Say Gang-Raped? Sorry, I Meant Gang-Banged

An 18-year old Hofstra student reported to police that she had been gang raped by five dudes in a bathroom stall at one of the school's dorms.
One Hofstra student had signed in his four friends, and police immediately arrested all five.
One of the men, thinking defensively or trying to get proof of this amazing story, recorded part of the incident on his cell phone.
This immediately refuted the girl's claims that she had been tied up and raped by five guys.
Turns out she was just a drunk slut who willingly banged five guys (though a few of them claim they never did her).
She claims she made up the story when her boyfriend (maybe now her ex-boyfriend) asked what she had been doing and why she was walking funny.
But the worst part of this whole incident is this photograph of the alleged rapists upon their release from prison.

Bob Arum Rips MMA

Great interview with boxing promoter Bob Arum. He says he hates MMA and UFC fans are skinheads.

Nine minutes long but worth it.



"Guys rolling around like homosexuals."

Classic!

Story suggested by TON

Why Bank Robbers Need Weapons

Banks tell their employees that in the event of a robbery to just hand over the money and do what ever the robber says.
Too bad no one told this guy.

Best Moment in Conan History

Seeing Rebecca Romijn on Conan again reminded me of this famous moment, my favorite in Conan's history.

Conan O'Brien et Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
Uploaded by garlick75. - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

Song of the Week

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" - Peter, Paul and Mary
Poop on Me used to sing me this song when I was little because it made me cry.

The Concierge's Bachelor Party Location: Denmark

The Denmark tourism bureau makes its pitch to host the Concierge's bachelor party:

Link to the video on HuffPo

This is not a real story, this is a viral marketing campaign from the Denmark tourism bureau. Basically, their pitch is "come sleep with our hot slutty women."

Mr. Met is Only Six-Ten

The world's tallest man, Sultan Kosen, who checks in at 8-foot-1 (and is called TallSultan by his friends) towers over Mr. Met, despite the mascot's giant head.

The Passion and the Pageantry

ESPN's college football crew mocks a passionate fan for his reaction to Clemson's loss to Georgia Tech.
The first part takes place during a commercial.



Looks like Roach and I freshman year.

Poop Move Night

"The Stepfather" looks so awesome. It's a throwback to those great suspense thrillers of the 902 like "Fear" and "Unlawful Entry."



"The old lady across the street. She fell down the stairs and broke her neck."

Weekly Picks

Somebody call FEMA. Last week was a complete disaster getting every game wrong, but we have plenty of time to recover. Now you know why I don't pick underdogs.

new england -3 1/2 NEW YORK JETS
I think last week's poor performance by the Patriots may have some people thinking they are done. On the contrary I think it shows they still have what it takes to win. As for the Jets, they played great, have a good defense, but a rookie QB against Belichick could be trouble.

baltimore +3 SAN DIEGO
I'm sick of picking the Chargers, I never know when they are going to come to play. They might have some trouble against the Chargers defense.

arizona +1 JACKSONVILLE
I know Super Bowl losers tend to have disappointing follow-up seasons but I think the Cardinals will win this game.

new york giants +3 DALLAS
Tampa Bay ran all over Dallas but lost the game on a few big plays. The Giants can dominate them on the ground and avoid those big plays and win this game spoiling the debut of the Cowboys' new stadium.

BEST BET
MINNESOTA -9 1/2 detroit
I'm making this pick because of Adrian Peterson not, Brett Favre. Also, I'm getting the feeling Matt Stafford maybe isn't quite ready to carry a team this bad.

Last week: 0-5 (-1 point)
Season: 0-5 (-1 point)
Best Bets: 0-1 (0-1)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (0-1)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-0)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (0-1)
Road Underdogs: 0-3 (0-3)