Creamy Italian

An Illinois high school student is accused of putting his bodily fluid (namely his semen) into salad dressing in the school cafeteria.
The student admitted he put the semen into a container of ranch dressing in the student commons dining area.
Ingesting semen can spread HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases.
Pizza Parlor Derek is thinking "now you tell me."
At least 50% of the girls in the class were thinking, "I think I've had this dressing before." And a few of the guys.

That reminds me of a scene from Van Wilder.