Saturday, September 29, 2007

Ya Gotta Believe

The rallying cry, celebrating it's 24th anniversary this year encapsulates the experience of being a Mets fan so succinctly.
It means believing even when you think you have no reason to believe. It means getting overconfident and having the rug pulled out from you. Each and every time.
Every time the Mets do something good (make the NLCS, take a 7 game lead into mid-September) they do something equally bad (Yadier Molina, these past two weeks) to make you believe they stink. Then when you've given up hope, sworn them off and vowed to never let them break your heart again, they go out there and totally redeem themselves.
We're like Charlie Brown and the Mets are Lucy. Every time they promise us this time will be different. And we know it won't be. We know as soon as we starting running (believing), they will move the ball (lose again), but we have to try (believe) or we might as well be Yankee fans.
And hey, maybe this year will be different.
Ya Gotta Believe!

Weekly Picks

Last week was another disaster marred by two pushes (which count as losses, a tie is like kissing your sister), so now we break out a new strategy to try to get back on the winning track.

houston -3 ATLANTA
The Texans are a strong solid team and the Falcons are the worst team in the NFL. The 3 point spread is relatively small, though I wish it were half a point smaller. The only way good teams lose to bad teams, even on the road, is when they have a letdown. I expect Matt Schaub to come into town with an angry "you dumped me for that dog killer" attitude and fire up his teammates. Also after a tough loss to the Colts, the Texans will have wasted their 2-0 start if they lose here.

INDIANAPOLIS -9 1/2 denver
I think the Broncos are pretty bad this year. They could very easily be 0-3. They lost at home last week to a decent team by 9. The Colts have muddled through two mediocre games and they definitely see what the Patriots are doing and want to keep up. While the Broncos defense is pretty good, I could see them getting torched in this one.

green bay -2 MINNESOTA
There's always the chance that the old gun-slingin, just having fun Brett Favre will reemerge and kill you with three interceptions on passes he never should have thrown. But this spread is so small, and the Vikings offense is so bad, that I can't see the Packers losing this one. If Favre can put up 14 points, I think that will be enough.

BUFFALO +4 ny jets
I haven't been picking enough underdogs, or home teams and I really think the Bills are the best 0-3 team out there. I know their offense is due to explode, they have too many good players for it not to. The one thing about the Jets though, they usually beat up on the bad teams. But the Bills have gotten killed the last two weeks and I just don't see it happening three weeks in a row.

new england -7 CINCINNATI

Here's the new strategy, take the Patriots as my best bet every week. They are too damn good. 7 is a lot to give up on the road especially to a potent team like the Bengals but it's just something I've got a feeling might work this season. I think the Pats are on the verge of something special, something that even the oddsmakers in Vegas can't make the spreads big enough to stop.

Last week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season so far: 6-9 (5 points)
Best bet: 0-1 (1-2)
Home favorites: 0-0 (2-2)
Home underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road favorites: 1-2 (2-4)
Road underdogs: 0-2 (1-3)

Friday, September 28, 2007

An Old Joke

The Mets are relocating to the Phillipines and renaming themselves the Manila Folders.
Credit Papa Poop with that one.

The Bear Up There

That's a Lot of Boobies Part II

Mrs. Poop took Chase to a breastfeeding support group. Basically it was just a bunch of women with their boobs out feeding their children sitting in a rooom talking. Because it's better than nursing alone. Mrs. Poop almost killed one woman who wouldn't stop complaining about the nurses at the hospital (Mrs. Poop's co-workers). But she liked it and will probably take him back because it gives her something to do and an opportunity to see a face other than mine.

Celeb Sighting: Jerome Williams

Jerome Williams "The Junk Yard Dog" in front of my building.

I Don't Even Know What To Say

I feel like I should write something about the Mets but the only thing I can think of is "they suck."
I still love the Mets and I still root for them desperately to make the playoffs, even though I can't envision this team doing anything substantial without a miraculous reversal of performance from the bullpen.
It might be easier on Mets fans if they just lose the next three games and be done with it. But that has never been the Mets way. They always reel you in, then crush your dreams.
I envision a Phillies win and Mets loss Friday.
A Mets win and Phillies loss on Saturday.
Then a Mets loss and Phillies win on Sunday.
What do you think? Use the comments section to vent.
Read the Recap for more detailed game analysis.

Correct Prediction

Roughly 9 months ago I said that during the two blizzards in Denver there was nothing for people to do but have sex.
Now Denver area hospitals are seeing a flurry of births and the new parents are consistently saying that they conceived during the blizzard.
Too bad the Freeds escaped to Vegas or else Chase might have a playmate.

Seefood Diet

I'm on the seefood diet, I see food, I eat it.
Brian Wansink is the author of "Mindless Eating" and head of Cornell University's Food and Brand Lab.
In Wansink's book he conducted several experiments that show we are powerless against food.
We think we eat when we are hungry, or because the food tastes good, but really we eat because we can.
In one experiment, Wansink placed candy jars of chocolate in office workers' cubicles for a month. Then, he moved the candy six feet away. Simply having the candy closer meant the office workers ate five more candies a day. That adds up to 125 calories a day, or 12 pounds a year.
Every time you see the candy, you have to make a decision not to eat it.
In another experiment, Wansink divided a group of 150 test subjects into three, giving a third canisters of potato chips with every seventh chip dyed red. Another third received canisters with every 14th chip dyed. Other ate from canisters with no dyed chips.
Test subjects with no dyed chips ate an average of 23 chips; those with every 14th chip dyed red ate an average of 15; those with every seventh chip dyed red ate an average of 10.
The red chips provided what Wansink calls a "pause point," an interruption that forces the eater to ask whether he or she wants to eat more. For this reason, Wansink says the 100-calorie containers of chips or cookies work to help 70 percent of people eat less. When they finish the container, they pause and ask themselves whether they want more.

You will eat more if you are eating:
family style, with serving bowls on the table
right from a bag or carton
on a bigger plate
in front of the TV

I guess this explains the cupcake and york peppermint patty episodes.

Tell Us How You Really Feel

U.S. Coach Greg Ryan benched his starting goalie Hope Solo (daughter of Han) before the semifinal of the Women's World Cup against Brazil, replacing her with veteran Brianna Scurry. After the U.S. lost 4-0, Solo ripped the decision.

Hope Solo has a MySpace page, and her last logon was September 27th, the day of the game.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

That's A Lot of Boobies

More than 1000 women in bikinis gathered on Bondi Beach in Australia for a photo shoot/publicity stunt for Cosmopolitan. It was an effort to get into the Guinnes Book of Records for World's Biggest bikini photo shoot.

As Seen on CNN

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Congressman Heath Shuler Hard at Work

Prompted by parents' complaints about sex and violence in inflight movies, two congressmen introduced legislation Tuesday calling for airlines to create kid-friendly zones on planes to shield them from violent images.
"The airlines have chosen to put our children in a situation that I don't feel comfortable with," said Rep. Heath Shuler, a North Carolina Democrat.
He and Republican Rep. Walter Jones, also from North Carolina, call their proposal the Family Friendly Flights Act.
The bill calls for the creation of sections on commercial flights where there would not be any publicly viewable movie screens. It would still allow airlines to show the movies they choose on big screens in other sections, or on individual seatback screens.
"How do you tell a 4-, 5-, 6-, 7-, 8-year-old, 'Don't look at the screen,' when it's basically all over the cabin?" Shuler said.
One of the parents who complained to Shuler was Katie Kelley, who said she was on a plane last February when an R-rated movie with "a lot of nudity" was shown. She said she was traveling without her children, ages 4 and 7, but was still bothered by the situation.
Andrew Whalen, a Shuler spokesman, said the bill is aimed at getting airlines to self-regulate for violence in movies because of medical evidence showing such images can harm children.

Worst Person in the World: Christy Freeman

Christy Freeman is the worst person in the world.
Freeman, 37, visited a doctor in July because she was bleeding heavily. The doctor discovered she had just given birth. Investigators found the dead baby at her house in Ocean City, Maryland, in the vanity under the sink.
Also at her house, the remains of 3 other babies, 2 of them were in a trunk in her living room. And the third was in a bag in an RV parked in the driveway.
Freeman claims the babies were either miscarriages or stillborn.
Get this, she could not be charged with any crimes because police can't prove that she killed a living baby. They also can't prove she committed late-term abortions because they can't tell whether the babies were aborted or miscarried or stillborn.
What makes this a little suspicious is that with this fourth baby, when she went to the doctor she denied being pregnant. Then when the doctor said "but there's a placenta and umbilical cord here," she said "ok, I gave birth to a stillborn, deformed baby, there were no hands or feet." But the fetus under the sink did have hands and feet. So if you were inclined to believe her sob story, that should change things.
It gets worse. Part of the reason she won't be charged is that a doctor does think it might be reasonable that she had four miscarriages/stillbirths because she smoked and used cocaine during the pregnancies. And there apparently isn't a law that allows women who use drugs while pregnant resulting in harm to the fetus to be charged with a crime.
And just a little worse. Freeman now says she may sue county authorities who "rushed to judgment."
Christy Freeman, I hope you die tomorrow.

Who the hell would fuck this disgusting pig four times?

Mandy Moore Is Not My Mother

The best show on TV came back in fine fashion. This episode was legen-- WAIT FOR IT!.

If you have this episode of "How I Met Your Mother" on DVR and haven't watched it yet, fake an illness, go home immediately and watch it. But do not scroll down past this picture of Mandy Moore because there are some episode spoilers below.

If you are still not watching this show despite my repeated recommendations, you are an idiot and I cannot help you. You are free to continue reading if you can sound out the words.

But if you want to see what all the fuss is about thank the good lord for creating the internet because you can watch a quick video that will catch you up on what you missed in the first two seasons then you can go to, click on full episodes, How I Met Your Mother, and watch the season premiere, then continue reading.

Mandy Moore is so hot

The episode finished where last season left off, with Barney finishing his catchphrase (keep waiting for it, it's coming).

Then it went into the story of Robin and Ted's breakup.

Barney's efforts to interest Ted in new women (Cirque De So-Laid), hilarious

The facial hair shaving scene and the nicknames given to Ted (21st President Chester A. Arthur, Persian Nightclub Owner), hysterical.

The mispronunciations of Enrique Iglesias's name (Gail? Kyle? Bill?), mildly amusing.

But by far the funniest line of the show occurred once Ted started making out with smoking hot bad girl, Mandy Moore.
When they snuck into the hot tub and Ted said "I like your tats," and her reply was "Thanks. You can play with them if you want, they're 100% real," I almost died of laughter. Soooooooooooo awesome. That line showed everything that's great about the show. Witty, clever, sharp, edgy writing.

Then Ted got a tramp stamp leading to a very funny reveal scene. "He's gonna say it."

Even the sappy scene with Ted bitching to Robin was saved by "you're bigger." "I win!"

We finally saw my mother in this episode, but didn't meet her. Well, we really only saw her feet and her yellow umbrella, but I hope we meet her soon. I'm tired of wondering if all the wrong girls (Robin, Mary the Paralegal, Mandy Moore) are really my mother.

And of course the episode ended with the Slap Countdown.

And in my head there is a countdown from when the last episode ended starting at 167 hours and 30 minutes, counting down until a new episode begins. I love this show so much I might consider watching it live, and sitting through the commercials.

i like your tats
you can play with them if you want
theyre 100% real


Check out this deleted scene from the episode.

Song of The Week

"Run Around" - Blues Traveler
Master Bates loves this song.
I like coffee and I like tea.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

It'll Make You Go Blind

This is Mick. Mick is a rare white koala. Most koalas are grey/brown. Mick recently had an operation on his eyes to cure blindness caused by chlamydia. It's not known which slutty bear gave Mick chlamydia, but she probably fucked a couple of his friends too.

The NFL is Poop - Week 3

Not Criticized Anymore
After a rough week in which he was criticized for harping on his race, Donovan McNabb woke his 0-2 Eagles out of the doldrums by kicking the shit out of the Detroit Lions 56-21. He completed 21-26 passes (20 of his first 21, including 18 in a row) for 381 yards and 4 touchdowns. In the first half the Eagles had 7 possessions, they scored 6 touchdowns and fumbled at the 12 yard line after a 72 yard drive. And they did it all in these really awesome throwback uniforms.

check out those awesome unis
donovan found his smile again

Turnabout is Fair Play
One week after getting fucked over when Broncos Coach Mike Shanahan called a very last second timeout before a field goal attempt, the Raiders employed the same strategy to beat the Browns. Trailing 26-24, Phil Dawson made a game-winning field goal but Raiders coach Lane Kiffin called a timeout a split second before the snap. Dawson had to kick it again, that kick was blocked and the Raiders won their first game of the season.

The Good and the Bad
So far this season there are 5 teams at 3-0 and 5 at 0-3, 11 at 2-1 and 11 at 1-2. The Patriots, Steelers, Packers, Cowboys and Colts are 3-0. Four of those teams we expected to be good, and then there's the Packers. Amazing about Green Bay is that they already played the tough part of their schedule. All 3 of their victims made the playoffs last year. They have 2 games left with the Lions and Vikings, and 1 each with the Raiders and Chiefs. Five wins there gives them 8 wins.

The Bills, Dolphins, Saints, Falcons and Rams are all 0-3. I'm not too shocked by any of those either, other than the Saints. But at this point in the season, the records don't lie. The Saints are a bad team this year. Their defense stinks and their offense, while talented, is playing like shit. Drew Brees has 1 TD and 7 INTs.

Game of the Week
Green Bay 31 San Diego 24
Brett Favre tied the all time record for touchdown passes with 420 and his 420th was a 57 yarder to Greg Jennings with just over two minutes to go in the game and it gave his Packers a 24-21 lead. The Chargers who had big expectations heading into the season now have to figure out what is going wrong with them. The Packers who had no expectations are in position to have a really good season as long as Brett Favre can avoid the bad interceptions that until now had marked the last few years of his career.

Game of Next Week
New England at Cincinnati
Right now it looks like the New England juggernaut can not be stopped. If the Bengals defense allowed 51 points to the Cleveland Browns offense, which at best is half as good as New England's, then it is safe to assume that the Patriots will score at least 102 points in this game.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
A horrible, awful, chokejob by the Redskins. Just when they had a chance to go to 3-0, and bury the hated Giants, they completely shit the bed in the second half and blew a 14 point lead at home against a division rival. The Redskins first four possessions of the 2nd half were all 3 and outs, except for the one when Clinton Portis fumbled on the second play. You can't blame the defense for being tired after being on the field for the entire second half. I do blame Jason Campbell a little bit since he is such an inaccurate passer. Had he completed one pass on any of those drives things might have been different.
But the real blame goes to the coaching staff which completely botched the final drive. Campbell was poised and accurate in leading the Redskins to the 2 yard line with about a minute ago. Then they did a clock play. Not sure if this was Campbell or Gibbs, but they should have run a play. They had plenty of time. They should have taken four shots at throwing the ball into the endzone. Instead they did a spike, a swing pass to the fullback and 2 running plays that got stonewalled. Horrible play calling.
And even more frustrating was that I am always harping on the fact that the defense never forces turnovers (12 last year) but in this game they got 3 and turned that into 10 points. And they still lost the game.
Ok, so maybe not such a brief rant this week.

Ladell Betts gets stood up at the goal line

Cheerleader of the Week
Alexandra of the Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders

Alexandra is a rookie on this year's squad. She likes "Half Baked," the ice cream flavor not the movie, she never misses an episode of "Nip/Tuck" but she'd like to be on America's Next Top Model. She fears rats and possums. How can you be afraid of possums? They're afraid of you. That's why they play possum. But she likes Eagles fans and their enthusiasm for their team, even when it manifests itself in booing. Her favorite superhero is Michelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because they fight crime and eat pizza. Not bad work if you can get it.

If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England Patriots 38 Dallas Cowboys 21
I have a strong suspicion that the Patriots are going to score exactly 38 points for 15 more games in row. The Cowboys have shown a good offense but right now there isn't a defense in the world that can hold the Patriots to 37 points.

What Really Happened

While I'm loathe to defend Bill O'Reilly who I agree is a pompous jerk, albeit an entertaining pompous jerk, he's definitely getting a raw deal from the liberal media who seeks to destroy him.
Left wing websites are taking O'Reilly's comments about his lunch with Al Sharpton out of context.
O'Reilly and Sharpton ate lunch at Sylvia's a famous soul food restaurant in Harlem.
O'Reilly discussed his lunch on NPR and his comments were taken completely out of context.

Here's what the media says O'Reilly said "I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship. It was the same."
"There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' You know, I mean, everybody was—it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all."

What they missed was that O'Reilly was describing the fact that there is no cultural divide in America. There was a hint of sarcasm which makes his comments easy to misconstrue but his point was a great one, black people are just like everyone else.
And his other point was that some people in America who don't know a lot of black people see rappers on TV and think that's the way black people are, O'Reilly was pointing out that rappers are not at all representative of black culture.

Jeter Wanted to Be Dorothy

The Yankees got creative with their rookie hazing this year, forcing their rookies to dress up as characters from the Wizard of Oz.

Joba Chamberlain is dressed as the Lion, Ian Kennedy as Dorothy, Shelley Duncan as the Scarecrow and Phil Hughes as the Tin Man.

Joba Chamberlain's wheelchair bound father, Harlan, must have been crying again after seeing his son like this.

Chase Wright, the good witch.

Ian Kennedy definitely got the worst of this. I wonder which veteran he pissed off. But his Dorothy costume is very authentic right down to his Toto and his ruby red slippers and shopping bag from the Apple store.

Changing Her Story

The Madison Square Garden intern who fucked Stephon Marbury in the back of his truck outside a strip club testified in the Isiah Thomas sexual harrassment trial.
Kathleen Decker says she wasn't forced to fuck Marbury, and that she wasn't drunk when she did it. She also admitted to fucking Marbury's cousin, Hassan Gonsalves, which makes her sound like a slut.
She also backed off saying she felt forced to fuck Marbury, saying she actually felt forced to tell Anucha Browne Sanders about the backseat banging.
That runs contrary to the thank you card she sent to Sanders after she got bopped in the backseat, in which she called the incident a mistake and thanked Sanders for being supportive.
A few weeks after Marbury stuck his key in her ignition, Decker was made a full time employee of the Knicks. And a few weeks before she testified in this case, she was given a promotion at the Garden.

Here's a couple pictures of Kathleen Decker:

College Football Comedy

Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy wants to puke after a column questions one of his player's attitudes, because his momma was feeding him fried chicken:

ESPN announcer Mike Patrick chooses an inopportune time to reflect on one of the key social issues affecting our society today:

Thanks to Pride Pageantry Derek for unearthing these clips.

She Better Marry You After That

A Boston woman was doing the Sunday crossword in the Boston Globe Magazine with her boyfriend when she started to notice something funny. The puzzle was titled "Popping the Question" and a lot of the clues had something to do with marriage. For instance, 22 across was "macrame artist's proposal?" The answer was "Lets Tie the Knot." Other clues were the names of her sister and her best friend. But when she got to 111 across (generic proposal - her name is Jen, her boyfriend is Aric, Jen-Aric, get it?) Aric got down on his knee and proposed. The answer by the way, was "will you marry me?"
A few months ago Aric had contacted the magazine to see if they could create a special puzzle for him, and the husband and wife team that writes the puzzles agreed.

Milton Bradley Don't Play Games

San Diego Padres outfielder Milton Bradley is out for the season after an injury he suffered during an argument with an umpire.

Here's the backstory: Bradley struck out in his previous at bat and when he got up the next time the home plate umpire asked him if Bradley had thrown his bat at him. Bradley said no, the home plate ump said the other umps said he had thrown his bat. So when Bradley singled he asked the first base ump Mike Winters if he said that, Winters said he had. Bradley says Winters kept talking to him, saying things and at one point a fan said "you suck" towards Winters and Bradley nodded in agreement and that's when things really took off.

Bradley says Winters called him a "piece of shit" and Padres first base coach Bobby Meacham backed up Bradley 100% saying he'd never seen an umpire behave like that in his 26 years in baseball, and that he thought there was a racial element to what Winters was saying.

How Erin Andrews Gets the Exclusive Interviews

Patrick White’s not one to kiss and tell.

The West Virginia quarterback received what appeared to be a hug and a peck on the cheek from ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews a few seconds after a postgame interview Saturday at Puskar Stadium.

“That’s between me and her,” White said, a little shocked that someone caught the interlude, before breaking into a sly smile.

A few seconds later, he volunteered, “I almost fainted when she came up to me.”

Unfortunately for White, he didn't get to grab her boobs.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Better Marcel Marceau Joke

After years of pretending he was trapped in a box, now he really is.

Marcia, Mar-cia, Mar-ciaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

"Brady Bunch" star Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia Brady - will reveal in a new book that she had a sexual relationship with Eve Plumb, who played her younger sister, Jan.

The book, titled "Here's the Story," will detail how a small crush blossomed into a romantic and physically intimate relationship between McCormick and Eve Plumb.

Due out next year the bombshell biography will also touch on topics such as McCormick's battles with bulimia, cocaine addiction and depression.

I'm A Dinner Jacket

There's quite an uproar over the visit to New York by Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Some people don't want to let him in the country, to let him speak at Columbia University or to let him go to Ground Zero.
I think we should treat him kindly and let him do whatever he wants.
We are fighting a cultural war and the only way to win is to show the world that our culture is better.

Sign of The Times

Bad grammar is ruining our society. Instead of warning drivers this sign offered them the opportunity to take the plates, setting construction back days and costing taxpayers millions.

Marcel Marceau Dies

What Do You Say?

It's All Around Us

A booklet in a zoo in Japan warns visitors that sloth living in trees overhead might poop on them.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Weekly Picks

Last week was an absolute freakin disaster. So many underdogs covered, especially those who were getting big point spreads. The Ravens really let me down because they shouldn't have let the Jets back in the game. This week I go out on a limb with 5 road teams, hoping to get my best bet then hit 50% of the other 4 games.

indianapolis -6 HOUSTON
This spread looks way too low even on the road. The Texans are a surprising 2-0 but they are still not as good as the Colts. Last week the Colts failed to cover against the Titans, I don't expect them to have two letdowns in a row.

minnesota +3 KANSAS CITY
I really like the Vikings this year, and I really hate the Chiefs. I wish I were getting another 1/2 point because I could see this game being a push. But the Vikings have a great run defense and if the Chiefs have to throw, it won't be pretty. The fact that Tarvaris Jackson probably won't play makes this even more attractive to me. Give the ball to Adrian Peterson and get out of the way.

st. louis +3 1/2 TAMPA BAY
I still believe that the Bucs aren't very good and they just took advantage of a bad New Orleans secondary last week. I think the Rams have a great offense and should finally get it together with Jackson running for 125 yards and Bulger having a good game as well. And the fact that they can lose by a field goal and still cover makes me pretty confident here.

carolina -4 ATLANTA
The Panthers are a very up and down team and even though Steve Smith had a great game last week, they lost to the Texans. The Falcons are going to be downright awful this year and I don't think this is the time they're going to get a win.

san diego -4 1/2 GREEN BAY

The Packers may well be better this season than everyone expected. They may very well have one of the best defenses in the league. Brett Favre is still their quarterback and thus prone to the occassional turnover filled performance. The Chargers are mad. They got their asses kicked on national TV and they have way more talent than the Packers. They should bring their A-game to Lambeau where it's too early for weather to have an impact. This game could be an ass whooping.

Last week
: 1-4 (0 points)
Season so far: 5-5 (5 points)
Best bet: 0-1 (1-1)
Home favorites: 0-2 (2-2)
Home underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road favorites: 0-2 (1-2)
Road undergods: 1-0 (1-1)