Saturday, October 28, 2006

Weekly Picks

Another bad week of picks. A 1-2 record (salvaged by the Giants) leaves me at 8-7 after a 6-2 start. I'll have to win all of these games to get back to my goal of two-thirds correct. But the good news is somehow Adam and Harley keep gaining ground. They are in a second place tie, two back of the leader. A full slate this week.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES -5.5 jacksonville jaguars
Two things I think are overrated in terms of picking NFL games. The dropoff to the backup quarterback and home field advantage. In this case I don't think Leftwich to Garrard is a huge deal, but I will pay attention to the fact that Jacksonville is 3-0 at home and 0-3 on the road. Because the Eagles lost last week this game takes on a lot of importance. Jacksonville won't go 0-8 on the road this season but this isn't where they'll pick up that win. So even though it's a lot of points to give a decent team, I'll go with the Eagles and Up Chuck McNabb.

CHICAGO BEARS -16.5 san francisco 49ers
You can ask every week and I will still pick the Bears. I know it's a ton of points, but this team is pissed off. I believe their game plan for Arizona was all wrong. They will try running the ball more and start Grossman with short and intermediate passes. He went deep too many times. He definitely won't commit 6 turnovers again.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS -2.5 baltimore ravens
One of the biggest mistakes gamblers make is believing what they thought, instead of what they see. The Saints are pretty damn good and the Ravens, despite their hot start are pretty close to going into the tank. With spreads of fewer than 3 points I basically just pick the winner. I think New Orleans holds home field in this one.

TENNESSEE TITANS -3.5 houston texans
Bad teams don't usually win two games in a row, but both of these horror shows are coming off wins, and the Titans had a bye week to revel in it. I think Houston might actually be on to something though. I love Andre Johnson to catch 2 TDs and the bonus is, Houston can lose by a field goal and still cover.

NEW YORK GIANTS -9.5 tampa bay buccaneers
Tampa Bay is 3-0 (ATS) with Bruce Gratkowsi. That is not a coincidence. The Giants are playing excellent football right now and are coming off a big win. But I could definitely see them struggling in this one. I'll take Tampa Bay but I'd feel much more confident if the spread were 10.5 instead.

DENVER BRONCOS -2.5 indianapolis colts
Good defense usually beats good offense. But the Colts are a great regular season team. They'll win this one but if they play again in January (even in Indianapolis) they'll probably lose.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS +2.5 new england patriots
Once again we have that magic number of 2.5 points. I think the Patriots will always find a way to win these games. Plus I haven't been very impressed with the Vikings this year even though they are off to a pretty decent start. Last week they knocked off Seattle but I don't think lightning will strike twice.

Friday, October 27, 2006

A Rat in Dallas

A Dallas Cowboys coach, his wife and the family's nanny have sued a McDonald's owner, alleging they found a dead rat in a salad purchased at a Southlake, TX restaurant. The lawsuit, which seeks $1.7 million in damages, was filed Thursday in state district court on behalf of Cowboys passing-game coordinator Todd Haley, his wife, Christine Haley, and the family's live-in baby sitter, Kathryn Kelley.

This poor guy has been yelled at by T.O. for not getting him the ball enough, and now this.

Todd Haley is the guy on the left

Thankfully He Didn't Have to Live Through the Bears Game

Matt Leinart and his ex-girlfriend Brynn Cameron had a baby boy named Cole Cameron on October 24th. Obviously the baby will take his father's last name. Cameron is a much better mother's maiden name as baby's middle name than say Hogan, so he's a lucky kid.
On a personal note, you may recall that this story and the picture of Brynn that accompanied it, vaulted this blog to the highest number of hits ever.

Weird People Love the Internet

Weird Al Yankovic's latest album debuted at #10 on the billboard top 100. It was the first time he ever had an album in the top 10. His hit song "White and Nerdy" took the #9 spot on the singles chart, surpassing Weird Al's previous peak of #12 with "Eat It" in 1984.
After 12 albums, why is this one the one that finally made the breakthrough? Because of the internet. People like me used our blogs to bring White and Nerdy to the masses. You're welcome buddy.

The NFL is Poop - Week 7

Playing With Passion
The Kansas City Chiefs came out this week and beat my favorite AFC team the San Diego Chargers. What makes this more amazing is that the Chiefs got blown out 45-7 by the Pittsburgh Steelers the week before. Maybe the Chiefs weren't quite focused against the Steelers. The night before the game about ten Chiefs players ran into some Passion Party saleswomen in their hotel. Passion Parties are like Tupperware parties for sex toys. According to reports, the players picked up some goods and then got ass-rammed the next day.

Why Does This Always Happen To Him?
Donovan McNabb was once again caught puking on the field. I remember it happening at SU, and the incident at the Super Bowl. Why is he the one who gets sick? I know it was hot, but everyone else was playing in the same heat. Right after the puking incident though, McNabb led the Eagles to a touchdown. He would have been considered an even bigger hero had Matt Bryant not kicked a 62-yard field goal to win the game. Also, it would have helped had Donovan not thrown his second and third career touchdown passes to Ronde Barber.

Leave the Man Alone
A lot has been made this week about Tiki Barber wanting to retire after this season to move on to other things. Tiki has a weekly gig on Fox News Channel and probably does have lots of other television offers for when his career ends. The timing was bad, but Barber should be able to do and say what he wants. I find it laughable that people are criticizing him for being a distraction to his team. It's even crazier that Michael Irvin is saying this. Irvin defends T.O. constantly. I will never mention Michael Irvin again in this column.

Yes, I Said Playoffs
Now that the worst coach in the NFL has moved on to greener pastures (and actually become a little better at late game situations) the Jets are going to the playoffs this year. The Jets are already 4-3. They have games coming up against the Patriots and Bears which they will lose. I'll even grant you a loss to Minnesota on the road. Their other six games break down like this Cleveland, Green Bay and Miami on the road. Houston, Buffalo and Oakland at home. Even if they win 5 of those 6 that should be good enough. The Jets seem to be a team that achieves at a certain level. They beat the teams they should beat and lose to the teams they should lose to.

With the First Pick in the NFL Game Draft...
NBC selects Chicago Bears vs. New York Giants as its Sunday Night game on November 12th.

Game of the Week
Atlanta 41 Pittsburgh 38
Roethlisberger got knocked out and Charlie Batch came in the game and Pittsburgh didn't miss a beat. Michael Vick threw, yes I said threw, for four touchdowns. Alge Crumpler and Hines Ward each had 3 TD catches. Atlanta was juggling it's kickers for a last second field goal and finally won in over time. A very exciting high scoring affair. And yes, if Vick passes like that every week the Falcons are unbeatable, the problem is, he can't.

Game to Watch
Colts vs. Broncos
The Broncos right now are playing even better defense than the Bears, at least statistically, in terms of points allowed. They have won their last four games by an average of ten points. Because they won their last four games by exactly ten points each. But they haven't faced an offense like the Colts'. But the Colts can't stop the run and haven't looked great. If good defense stops good offense, then the Broncos win. If not, maybe the Broncos D has been more lucky than good.

Cheerleader of the Week
Janelle of the Oakland Raiderettes
Janelle probably won't have much to cheer for this season so she can take solace in this award. Cheerleading is a means to an end for Janelle, she wants to be a backup dancer, a singer, or maybe star in movies. If not, she'll take her Evergreen Valley College education and open up a salon. She has been named "Well-Rounded Dancer of the Year" and I can see why.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The Redskins actually played a decent game against the Colts, but the Colts were too good and the Skins injured secondary couldn't keep up. Once again the offense was a letdown. Clinton Portis couldn't run the ball against one of the worst run defense in the NFL and Mark Brunell couldn't get anything going. They ended up with 22 points thanks to 1 junk touchdown and 1 return touchdown (by Antwaan Randle-El). Thankfully Jason Campbell is starting to take snaps in practice and may start sometime in the second half of the season.

If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
The Bears would beat the Colts 28-24.
The Bears had a week off after their near debacle in Arizona and will face the Niners this week. Could be changes in this space next week, if they don't blow out San Fran. And if Denver beats the Colts, they will definitely take this spot away.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Happy Anniversary

Today is the 20th anniversary of the best day of my life. The day when I learned that anything was possible. The day when I first heard the three greatest words in the English language. Gets. By. Buckner.
I remember that night, all of us watching in my parents room. Mama Poop (who was just called mom at that time because we'd never heard of a blog, or the internet) said "I have to admit, this game is a little exciting." That was quite an admission coming from her. I remember jumping on the bed like a crazy loon with Master Bates (who DEFINITELY wasn't call that in 1986) and my mom didn't even yell at us.
I remember watching that clip 1000 times since. I've watched "A Year to Remember" hundreds of times, and they add that little drawn out hum of a note throughout the inning. "Buddy was telling me he was gonna throw one in the dirt one of these times." "I have only one theory of hitting and that is thou shalt not pass without offering, and that's what I did." "Mirrors, magic wands, all that counts is that we win the ballgame."
Game 7 was rained out the following night meaning it would be played on a Monday. Monday night football that week was Giants-Redskins, the year the Giants won the Super Bowl, and up until a couple years ago it was the lowest rated MNF game ever.
But Game 7 was an anticlimax. The real magic happened that night when the ball rolled through Buckner's legs.

If a picture is worth 1000 words then you have just seen a million

The short version:

The version from Ken Burns' "Baseball"

I'd Rather Have Gays Than Guidos

The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled Wednesday that the state's constitution gives gay and lesbian couples all the rights of married heterosexual couples, but it left it to the state legislature to decide what to call the relationship.
It gave the legislature six months to enact a law giving gay and lesbian couples relationship rights that are equal with the rights heterosexual couples are granted through marriage.
The case was closely watched because New Jersey is one of only five states that has no law barring same-sex marriages.
The New Jersey case is troublesome to opponents of gay marriage because the state has no law forbidding gay couples from outside the state to come there and marry.
On Nov. 7, voters in eight states will decide whether to amend their constitutions to ban gays from marrying. Court challenges in four states seek the right to marry.
Supreme Court Chief Justice Deborah Poritz retires Thursday so this was the last decision of her 10-year career.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

They're Going to Miss The The Ohio State-Michigan Game

After a year and a half of anticipation friends and family of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise finally got what they have been waiting for: a wedding invitation. The couple's rep, Arnold Robinson, confirms the wedding will take place November 18 in Italy.
Italian designer Giorgio Armani will create Holmes' wedding dress. "When I am asked by a friend to make a wedding wardrobe, it goes straight to my heart," Armani, who will also whip up Cruise's wedding wear, tells Us. "It really is an honor to play a small role in that milestone moment."

Yes, I used -the- twice on purpose

Monday, October 23, 2006

The NFL is Poop - Week 6

Wrote this last week but never finished it and forgot all about it. Week 7 coming soon.

Game of the Week
Bears 24 Cardinals 23
One of the biggest choke jobs ever, with the Bears coming back from 20 down in the last 15 minutes and 10 seconds. Over that time the Bears offense ran 14 plays. Two runs for 15 yards, 12 passes, 2 complete for 23 yards and 10 incomplete, including 2 interceptions. And they still came back from 20 points down. They had a Mike Brown fumble return, a Peanut Tillman fumble return (great rip by Urlacher) and an incredibly clutch punt return by Devin Hester. The Bears may not be as great as I thought they were last week, but they definitely are a team of destiny, because even through all that they didn't clinch the game...they needed a Neil Rackers missed FG to do that.

We Have Our Answer Part I
I wasn't sure if the Steelers were merely slumping or seriously flawed. Apparently the answer was slumping. They dismantled Kansas City 45-7.

We Have Our Answer Part II
The Rams aren't quite ready to take the NFC West from the Seahawks. They had a huge lead and blew, came back but couldn't hold on.

The Best Rookie QB
Might not be Vince Young or Matt Leinart. Bruce Gratkowski is 2-0 as the QB of the Bucs, a team that sucked early in the season when Chris Simms was at the helm. That splenectomy might have been the best thing to happen to Tampa Bay all year.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The great game Mark Brunell had against the Jaguars was definitely the worst that could have happeneed. It's time to go to Jason Campbell. The Skins lost to Tennessee at home to fall to 2-4 with the Colts coming up next. The season is over, make the change. I don't blame Brunell this week though. He was effective in his dink and dunk game. It was the defense that couldn't protect a 14-3 lead. It was the defense that allowed almost 200 yards rushing (178 to Travis Henry). It was the defense that forced no turnovers (for the third time this season).

Cheerleader of the Week

Raylin, Arizona Cardinals cheerleader
Raylin is one of the hottest cheerleaders I've seen on the squads I've evaluated so far this season. Ray-ray is a spontaneous person who enjoys working out and dancing. Her favorite foods are seafood and peanut butter though presumably not together. He greatest accomplishment is giving birth naturally.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
I'd still say the Bears will be in it because I'm not sure if that Cardinals game means they are worse...or even better than I thought. And right now the Colts are chugging along but I will never pick them to win the Super Bowl. Bears 24, Colts 17.

Ouch Babe

Kenyan marathon runner wins the Chicago Marathon but slips and busts his ass.

Place in History

One of the worst externalities of the Mets Game 7 loss was the relegation of Endy Chavez' amazing catch to "yeah, but..." status. Had the Mets won the game his catch would have gone down as a series winner and immediately taken up residence next to Willie Mays' over the shoulder job as the best catches in baseball history. Now, can you really say it was better than Swoboda's dive, or either of Agree's grabs?

We Love Pam

Jenna Fischer of "The Office" and "WYB?" fame wrote a funny article in Esquire.

"10 Things You Don't Know About Women

1. If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble.

2. When you tell us about a business lunch you had with a woman, it's a good idea to tell us that she's fat, ugly, old, or a lesbian. Preferably all of them.

3. PMS is real. It's chemical, and it sucks. If someone told you that every thirty days you were going to get jacked repeatedly in the nuts, you'd be pissy around day twenty-six, too.

4. When we say, "I don't feel connected," the only appropriate response is, "I feel it, too. Let's go out for a nice dinner and reconnect." Try it. You will get laid.

5. If you can locate the following items in our home—tape, casserole dish, Christmas ornaments—you will get laid.

6. If you act excited about the bath mat we bought at Target, you will get laid.

7. We really want to have kids. That is, until you want to have kids. Then: "Hey, slow down. What about my career? It's my body. I'm not just a depository for your sperm, you know. Fuck off. Wait, come back. I'm sorry about that. It's sweet you want to have kids. Let's talk about it in a year."

8. You know what's really gay? Football. Instead of watching it, just have sex with another dude once a year. Get it all out of your system at once.

9. We can make a "celebrity safe list" if you want. But I am way more likely to get Patrick Dempsey to fuck me in a bathroom than you are to get Lindsay Lohan to suck you off in your car.

10. Okay, wait. Maybe not Lindsay Lohan. But you know what I mean."

The cast and crew of the show loved it so much, they decided to act it out.

Adios El Bailandito

Nelson De La Cruz, The Little Dancing Man, died at age 38. The cause of death is not yet known but we can assume a 28 inch tall man couldn't have been that healthy. He gained notoreity when he served as Pedro Martinez' and by extension the Boston Red Sox' good luck charm during their magical run to the 2004 World Series title.

The Cheater?

Did Kenny Rogers cheat? That is the question, after he was caught with some foreign substance on his hand. Seems like it was pine tar but Rogers says it was dirt. The umpire claimed to have "observed" it to be dirt, but never inspected it. Rogers washed it off after the first inning and threw 7 more shutout innings. Study of the tape showed Rogers had a similar spot on his hand for his other two playoff starts. Not coincidentally Rogers has not allowed a run in 23 postseason innings.

ALCS on the left, World Series on the right

Awful House

A police officer has filed a lawsuit against the Waffle House restaurant chain and one of its former cooks, claiming the cook admitted to spitting in the officer's food.
Police Lt. John Morgan accused 19-year-old Homer Disher in the lawsuit of spitting in his order of hash browns and eggs before serving them to him last September.
"He had his back slightly to me, and I saw the spit hit the food," Morgan said. "I was furious."
The lawsuit seeks $82,500. In court papers, Morgan said Disher told his manager what he had done and the manager did nothing to warn Morgan or report the incident to police.
Morgan said he brought an investigating officer to the restaurant and that Disher admitted to spitting in his food and gave a recorded video statement to the officers.
Morgan said he thought Disher was upset over a warning he gave Disher and a friend during a traffic stop a few weeks before the incident.
Disher has been charged with adulteration of food and retaliation for past actions, both felonies. If convicted, he could face up to eight years in prison, the Southern Standard newspaper reported