Miss Universe's Crucial Mistake

This video is from a couple years ago when Jennifer Hawkins of Australia was Miss Universe. She was doing some kind of runway show and as she walked down she was holding her skirt with her right hand. Then she let go...

Too Hot for TV

This is the Danica Patrick godaddy.com ad that was deemed too hot for the Super Bowl. So instead they bought a Super Bowl ad that directed people to their website to see this ad, which is more funny than it is sexy.

Courtney Friel is So Naughty

Courtney Friel, the hottie who replaced Shana Hiatt on the World Poker Tour for one season, was hired by Fox News Channel. Part of her duties for FNC is an occassional guest appearance on "Red Eye." In case you are not familiar, "Red Eye" airs every night at 3 am. They discuss the day's news stories and make funny comments about them. It's sort of like "Best Week Ever" except their guests are not out of work celebrities, the guests are news people and other quick witted, smart journalists. The other difference is that "Red Eye" is actually funny.
Courtney Friel has stolen the show on several occassions with her remarkable story telling. Watch them all, trust me.

Recommended Reading (and Watching)

Victory and Ruins - The Seattle Times is running an exhaustive examination about the 2000 Washington Huskies, the last great Huskies team. The series examines the off-field problems of many of the team's players. The most interesting part is the article about Jerramy Stevens.
Key quote: "It seems highly unlikely that the victim would have consented to anal intercourse with the suspect in a fraternity alley."

Coach Endures Unthinkable Loss One Second at a Time - Possibly the saddest story you will ever read, there's a good chance you will cry.
Key quote: "This event is absolutely, completely your fault. You created it. You could have prevented it. You encouraged it."
And now this story has a new twist.

"The Heart of the Game" - It's a documentary about a girl's high school basketball team in Seattle. But it's incredible. It follows 6 years of the team's play and because it involves girls and not men, as sports movies often do, it focuses a lot on the off the court issues (sexual assault, teen pregnancy). "Hoop Dreams" set the standard for basketball documentaries and this one isn't quite as good, but it's about an hour shorter and a hell of a lot more fun.
Key quote: "Having any fun Colleen?"

Redskins Heroes

I was quite pleased with the results of the voting for the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Two of my favorite Redskins from my youth were elected.
Art Monk probably didn't deserve to get in ahead of Cris Carter, but he should have been in years ago. The Pro Football Hall of Game is the most inclusive of all the Halls of Fame which is why it surprised me that it took Monk so long to get in.
When Monk retired he was the all-time leader in catches. It seems to me that anyone who is the all-time leader in a key stat for his position, regardless of rule changes and strategy changes subsequent to his playing career that made his numbers seem less impressive, deserves to get in.




Darrell Green was a much easier decision for the voters. Clearly he was one of the best defensive backs of his time. But the little man with the big speed probably was born at the right time because in today's game with bigger receivers he might not have been as great.

Reality TV has Gone to the Dogs

Fighting dogs that once belonged to Michael Vick will be featured this summer in a reality show about a Utah animal sanctuary.
There are 22 of Vick's dogs that are now at Dogtown, an animal sanctuary of Best Friends Animal Society in Utah. The National Geographic Channel started a series, "Dogtown," about the sanctuary this month.
One of the episodes that will air in the summer will focus on four of the toughest cases and the Dogtown staff's efforts to "resocialize these seriously aggressive pit bulls."
The 47 surviving dogs seized at Vick's property have been dispersed to various rescues and shelters across the country. Three of them are with a Georgia man who runs a foster home for pit bulls.

I am definitely going to watch.

Poor Loser

ESPN.com writer Bill Simmons, an outspoken Patriots fan, wrote this in his Super Bowl wrap-up column:

Much like the Patriots, I choked heading into the weekend: Somehow, I forgot to pack my good-luck Wes Welker jersey and headed to Sunday's game without any Pats gear. Originally intent on buying a Pats hat at the game, once I saw all the jerseys in the stands and in my section, I made the executive decision to fine myself $85 dollars (the price of a white No. 81 Moss jersey at one of those merchandise booths). You can currently find that jersey sitting at the bottom of the garbage can in my hotel room. I might take it home and burn it. I haven't decided yet.


His decision was to put the jersey on eBay. To attempt to thwart prank bidders Simmons said the winning bidder should make a donation in the amount of the top bid to the Jimmy Fund and when the winner shows Simmons the online receipt from the Jimmy Fund, he'll send the jersey. The auction still has another week and the bidding is already above $900, leading me to believe there are some fradulent bids in there.

If I Could Only Teach Diesel This Trick

Sarah Pewitt has what some may call the perfect pooch.
3 year old Charlie the chocolate lab will bring you a beer.
She started by putting a treat in the fridge. Then she put a towel on the door handle and taught Charlie how to pull the towel to open the door and get the treat. Then she put a beer on the ground and got him to fetch it just like he would a tennis ball.
Then she put the beer in the fridge and Charlie knew what to do.



For the doubters among us there is video evidence.
Next she wants to teach him how to make a sandwich. I don't think that will work out quite as well.

From the Beatles to Billy

On August 15, 1965 newly built Shea Stadium hosted it's first concert (really the first concert ever held at a major outdoor stadium in the U.S.), and it was the first Beatles concert in the U.S.
That moment started British Beatle Mania in the U.S. and the ensuing British invasion.
An iconic moment in American Pop Culture



43 years later Shea Stadium will close. But not before one final concert. Billy Joel will play the "Last Play at Shea" on July 16, 2008.

Stop Making Fun of Stevie

Michelle Obama leads Stevie Wonder onto and off the stage at a Barack Obama rally in Los Angeles.

The End is Near

All indications are that the 3-month old Hollywood writers' strike is about to end. The two sides reportedly reached an agreement on many of the major issues. Now they just need to fine tune the details and get approval from the union members.
It will still be a few more weeks before new episodes can be written, shot and edited for air, giving you sometime to clear some space on your DVR for returning shows that in some cases will come back, and never leave, going on right through the summer.

I Get To Root For the Hot Chick

Another new season of Survivor starts tonight and for once I won't get dirty looks for humping the TV when the hot chick comes on.
This year Mrs. Poop and her mommy friends did a Survivor pool.
They all put in $20 (this is high stakes gambling for her) and each drew a Survivor's name. There are 20 players, 10 new players, 10 returning all-stars, and we were lucky to draw one of the returning players, the hot chick in the bikini who likes to flirt, Parvati Shallow.

Square Peg, Round Hole

I don't understand this Shaq to Phoenix for Shawn Marion trade.
It seems to me that the Suns are either hopelessly deluded about Shaq's health, remaing abilities or willingness to become a role player or they have capitulated and are willing to sacrifice their 7 seconds or less style of play.
This should be an interesting experiment because although it is going to completely change the way the Suns play it is possible that it could help them in the playoffs. I just don't see how the Suns are going to be able to keep using their fast break offense with O'Neal lumbering behind the play. And even if he only plays 20 to 25 minutes a night I'm not sure the team can adapt it's style of play so readily to his limitations.
But in the playoffs when the game slows down on its own, perhaps have a strong low post scorer and rebounder will help them avoid their annual flameout.
I also think they will be hurt by the loss of the defenseive prowess of Marion who was frequently effective at shutting down the opponent's best offensive player.

McNamee Has Proof

Brian McNamee gave federal prosecutors syringes and other physical evidence which his lawyers say support his claims of drug use by Roger Clemens.
McNamee turned over gauze pads and syringes which have Clemens's blood and a blue dress which has Clemens's DNA.
The syringes were used to inject Clemens with steroids and human growth hormone in 2000 and 2001.

Idol Chatter

We're finally at the end of a long and arduous audition process.
As much as I enjoy these early American Idol shows the horrible auditions which are annoying at first are now incredibly redundant and I just want to get down to the business of crowning a new American Idol. As always the last two shows featured some horrible people, and some good people with sob stories who we will now be rooting for to make it to the voting rounds.

There was the girl whose father died two days before her audition. It seemed weird to me that she didn't just forget the audition and try out another time, but I guess she felt like her father wanted her to do it. I'm glad she got through, she had a good voice and she was attractive and bi...racial.

And the guy living in his car was another nice story. But I have this funny feeling he wasn't as happy about it as he tried to seem.

What about the ridiculous girl who did that crazy dance and then slipped on a piece of paper? She butchered a former Song of the Week.

Normally I hate those ridiculously contrived sketches where they pick a song and have all the worst people sing it, then pretend they actually did it in front of the judges. We did however love the one for "Glamorous", because Mrs. Poop loves that song. But not as much as Pizza Parlor Derek loved the version for "Before He Cheats."

There were two very annoying girls this week, the pageant queen, who they will definitely turn into a sexy slut if she makes it far enough and the fuckin idiot who brought her dog. That chick was involved in a weird love triangle with a set of twins. Even Mrs. Poop, who is not prone to yelling out obscenities, asked in wonderment, "so she's fucking both of them?"

I wish this guy had sung the unedited version.

I also liked the girl who sang like Dolly Parton (like Dolly she could float on her back in a pool and literally be "Islands in the Stream") and the little gay white kid who sounded just like Tina Turner.

So now that the auditions are out of the way, we're going to Hollywood baby!

See Santana at Shea

The Mets will be holding a lottery on February 19th the winners of which will be given the right to buy tickets to 5 special games this season, Opening Day, The Subway Series and the final game at Shea. The only way to buy tickets for those games will be to register and get lucky.

Looking at Both Sides of the Santana Trade

Why the trade is great:
Johan Santana is the best pitcher in baseball
The Mets gave up no major league contributors to get him
He is a flyball pitcher coming to one of the biggest parks in the National League
He is coming to the National League where instead of a DH he'll get to face a pitcher
The Mets needed an ace starter

Why the trade might not work out:
If the Mets don't win a World Series with Santana the trade is a failure
Long-term big money deals, especially for pitchers, historically have not worked out (Manny Ramirez is the only guy to sign a more than $100 million contract and win a World Series with that team after signing the contract)
The Mets gave him a 6 year contract starting in 2009 worth about $23 million per year, the production in 2012, 2013, 2014 when Santana is 33 to 35 probably will not be worth that money
Santana's 2007 statistics were a big dropoff from his previous years, perhaps indicating he is ready for a permanent career decline
The Mets still have to play 130 games without him, it's a still a team sport and his overall impact is limited

Santana By The Numbers

Career - 1308 2/3 innings, 93 wins, 44 losses, 3.22 ERA, 1.094 WHIP, 1381 Ks

But he has only been a full time starter for 4 years:

2004 - 228 innings, 20 wins, 6 losses, 2.61 ERA, 0.921 WHIP, 265 Ks
2005 - 231 2/3 innings, 16 wins, 7 losses, 2.87 ERA, 0.971 WHIP, 238 Ks
2006 - 233 2/3 innings, 19 wins, 6 losses, 2.77 ERA, 0.997 WHIP, 245 Ks
2007 - 219 innings, 15 wins, 13 losses, 3.33 ERA, 1.073 WHIP, 235 Ks

But Santana is known for his ability to get hot in the second half of the season:

2004 - 104 1/3 innings, 13 wins, 0 losses, 1.21 ERA, 0.748 WHIP, 129 Ks
2005 - 107 1/3 innings, 9 wins, 2 losses, 1.59 ERA, 0.876 WHIP, 95 Ks
2006 - 102 2/3 innings, 10 wins, 1 loss, 2.54 ERA, 0.994 WHIP, 107 Ks
2007 - 98 innings, 5 wins, 7 losses, 4.04 ERA, 1.122 WHIP, 110 Ks

The Pen Gets Mightier

The Johan Santana trade may benefit the Mets most because of the impact it will have on the bullpen. Replacing Tom Glavine (essentially what Santana is doing) with a guy who can consistently throw 7 or 8 innings per start should give the bullpen some added rest, particularly down the stretch.
Tom Glavine did throw 200 1/3 innnings last year (that 1/3 just hangs there, a constant reminder), but if Santana can go 230 innings, that's an average of 1 fewer inning per start out of the bullpen.
I assume Billy Wagner will have another good year as the Mets closer with between 5 and 7 blown saves, which isn't terrible provided they don't all come at once.
I expect Duaner Sanchez to bounce back and have another good year and Aaron Heilman, whom I hate, has been consistent if not spectacular over his career in the bullpen.
From the left side the Mets have Pedro Feliciano who is excellent, and Scott Schoeneweis who should bounce back, especially if he can be used more effectively (read: less often).
That leaves Jorge Sosa, who I think can be really effective, as the long man.
Joe Smith and Matt Wise for the last spot on the 12 man staff.
The key to this bullpen and any bullpen will be how the guys are used. Some guys are better facing only lefties, or only righties. Some guys can't come in with men already on base, others are great and inducing ground ball double plays to escape jams.
But I think the acquisition of Santana will improve the bullpen more than getting any single reliever would have.

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc translated literally means "after this, therefore because of this."
Usually this manner of thinking is fallacious but in this case and one previous case, an argument can be made.
It is quite possible that the Mets would never have gone after Santana so tirelessly had they not blown that huge lead last season. It's also likely that they would have made an equally dogged pursuit had they made the playoffs and gotten swept like the Phillies.
But an even more specious argument is made to link the Scott Kazmir for Viktor Zambrano debacle to the acquisitions of Pedro Martinez and Carlos Beltran. That trade definitely led to the hiring of Omar Minaya who reportedly used his Hispanic heritage to lure Pedro, and then Omar reportedly used his acquisition of Pedro to lure Beltran. Personally, I think he used the Wilpon's checkbook to offer both those guys more money and years than any other team was willing to give.
But for the purposes of this question, I'll accept the correlation and causation in both of these circumstances.



This question was suggested by Reissberg

Things Don't Always Work Out The Way You Plan Them

On the morning of August 1, 1989, I was at Camp Westmont and when we lined up for the morning flag raising, the head of the boy's side of camp told us that the Mets had acquired Frank Viola from the Minnesota Twins.
The Mets had given up five players (Rick Aguilera, Kevin Tapani, David West, Jack Savage and Tim Drummond). Read the original New York Times article from 8/1/89.
Back then there was no such thing about as the internet so finding out early in the morning about a trade that had happened just before midnight was a pretty good turnaround.
The Mets fans in camp were ecstatic that the Mets had dumped prospects and never-will-bes on the Twins for a certified ace to add to our already impressive staff.
Surely such an acquisition guaranteed the Mets would win another NL pennant and probably even another World Series.
But as so often happens, the best laid plans often times go awry.
Viola went 5-5 down the stretch in 1989 and went 20-12 and was a Cy Young Award candidate in 1990, but in both seasons the Mets fell short.
Hopefully that is not the case with the Mets most recent acquisition of a former Twins ace.

Song of the Week

"Free Fallin" - Tom Petty
Even though he looked half-dead during his Super Bowl Halftime performance I thought he woke up in the middle of it and did a pretty good rendition of this song.
Plus, Mrs. Poop likes to sing this song to Diesel. "He's a good dog, he loves his momma, loves biscuits, and tennis balls too."

Pass It To Smith

I checked in on the college basketball game between the defending champs (in name only), the Florida Gators and the Tennessee Volunteers, led by my favorite coach in college, Bruce Pearl.
After listening for a few minutes I heard Brad Nessler get tied up several times by the fact that Tennessee had 3 players named Smith on the court at the same time.
He'd say the pass goes to Smith, then realize he needed a first name, but by the time he repeated it, the ball had already been passed to a different Smith.
The reason I bring all this up is to put my readers, the Poopheads to the test. If you've been paying attention at all this question should be very easy for you.

Bobby Knight Retires

Texas Tech coach Bob Knight (he hates Bobby) abruptly resigned during the middle of the season. He leaves his son Pat in charge. Pat told reporters that his father was just tired. Knight had coached for 42 years, won 902 games and at age 67 was tired.
I've always been ambivalent about Bob Knight. I like the fact that he is a good coach, he never had a recruiting violation, he had very high graduation rates and he always said funny things.
But what I didn't like about him was that he abused one of my favorite tenets of interpersonal relationships, tough love.
Knight also reached a certain status where he felt it was beneath him to treat people with dignity and respect.
But he is funny. Enjoy these top 10 Bob Knight soundbites, though my favorite one is missing because I don't think it was caught on tape.
He once told a group of sportswriters "Most of us learn to write in the second grade, then we move on to other things."

If I Did It

For the second time in a year a notorious criminal admits guilt, then says he was only joking.
Joran Van Der Sloot, the last person seen with Natalee Holloway, was caught on tape by a Dutch TV show explaining the whole story of what happened that night.
A man who became friends with Van Der Sloot (possibly by sharing marijuana with him) secretly recorded hours of conversations with Van Der Sloot, a sting operation set up by the TV show.
Van Der Sloot now says he knew he was being recorded so he made it all up to tell the spy what he wanted to hear.
Van der Sloot said that Holloway and her friends had begged him to go out with them the night of May 29, 2005. So he and two friends -- brothers Deepak and Satish Kalpoe -- met the women at Carlos n Charlie's in Oranjestad. When they arrived, he said, the girls appeared to have been drinking heavily and some of them were doing cocaine.
After declining an invitation from Holloway to dance on stage with her, he accepted
an invitation from her to drink a shot from her belly button as she lay on the bar.
At about 1 a.m. she agreed to leave the bar with him and the Kalpoe brothers, telling her friends that she would meet them back at the Marriott in time to catch their flight back home the next day.
He said he wanted to have sex with Holloway, but she told him she did not want
to go to her hotel. Instead, she said, she wanted to see sharks.
The Kalpoe brothers drove Van der Sloot and Holloway to the beach by the hotel and left them.
He and Holloway had sex but afterwards she started shaking.
"All of a sudden, what she did was like in a movie," he said. "She was shaking, it was awful ... I prodded her, there was nothing."
He said he tried CPR. "I tried to shake her. I was shaking the bitch. I was like, 'What is wrong with you man?' I almost wanted to cry. Why does this shit have to happen to me?"
Then he immediately called a friend who had a boat and the friend took the body and dumped it in the ocean.

Now this version of events differs a little bit from what I originally thought had happened to her.
While I believe most of what Van der Sloot says in this confession there are still a few things that I think he's holding back.
While I think it may be true that the Kalpoe brothers weren't in on the act, I definitely think he did something to her that killed her. If not he could have called the police or hospital and had no culpability, he met her at a bar, she wanted to fuck so he took her to the beach, fucked her and she passed out. But since he didn't call the police or hospital it makes me believe he had a good reason not to.
I also think his father was involved in the disposal of Natalee's body.

Hilarious Caller

A caller to WFAN asked Boomer and Carton "do you think if I gave Archie Manning $100,000, he'd knock up my wife?"

Everyone Knows David Tyree's Name Now

The New York Giants' thrilling win over the New England Patriots was the most-watched Super Bowl ever, with 97.5 million viewers.
The game beat the previous Super Bowl record of 94.08 million, set when Dallas defeated Pittsburgh in 1996. More people watched Sunday's game than all but one TV show in American history, the "M-A-S-H" finale in 1983, which was seen by 106 million viewers.
The game was a dream for Fox, two high profile teams, one trying to make history, and a close game that was within 4 points the whole way.
An exciting finish made sure that no one went home from their Super Bowl party early.

Chase's First Super Bowl

Chase got an awesome shirt for his first Super Bowl, a very memorable one although one that can be used against me when Papa Poop tries to go against my wishes and turn Chase into a Giants fan.

Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,770

Because she bought me a big cookie for the big game.

Super Bowl Ads

Budweiser's Rocky Horse
This one had everything, cute animals, cool music, a movie homage and a fist (hoof? paw?) bump



Diet Pepsi Max What is Love?
Mrs. Poop was giggling throughout this one which earns it extra points in my book. Great use of an old gimmick that was gone long enough that we missed it. Plus plenty of stars, LL, Missy Elliot, Joe Buck and the dynamite drop in from Chris Kattan.



Coca-Cola Underdog vs. Stewie
Mrs. Poop loves Underdog so she was probably pissed to see him slumming with Stewie, but it was nice to see Charlie Brown get something good for once. Good grief!



FedEx Pigeons
The nonchalant way the guy says "let's switch to FedEx" at the end just kills me.



Gatorade Drinking Dog
It goes without saying why I love this ad



Victoria's Secret Adriana Lima
The message of this ad is that you should have sex. A sentiment I can agree with.

Super Bowl XLII is Poop

Congratulations to the New York Giants and all their fans.
The Giants played a great game and executed the game plan I laid out for them to an even greater degree than what I expected them to be able to do against the Patriots.

The Giants sacked Tom Brady 5 times, harrassed him with pressure several more times but the biggest benefit of their pressure was how it disrupted the Patriots' bread and butter, the screen passes.

The Patriots are so good at executing screen passes they can take a lot of chances on first and second down knowing they can convert. Also those conversions buy them three more chances to kill you with a big play.

One time Strahan broke up a screen pass by getting into the backfield and raising his arms. A couple other times the Giants swarmed the ball carrier. The key to the Giants victory was the pressure they got with their front four and the fact that they did it without sacrificing coverage.



That to me was the key to the game, but there were some other big plays (in rough chronological order):

Ahmad Bradshaw stealing that fumbled handoff from Pierre Woods. That probably saved at least 3 points.

Another play by Bradshaw though may have cost the Giants 3 points. His blatant illegal bat cost the Giants ten yards and pushed them out of field goal range. What struck me about that play though was the fact that neither Joe Buck nor Troy Aikman knew the rule. I knew immediately that it was illegal to do that.

The first time I ever saw Bill Belichick make an obvious game management error was the dubious decision to go for it on 4th and 13 from the 31. I believe hubris was at work because his explanation was that he didn't want to try a field goal because he didn't want to give up the field position. 8 yards, really?
Remember the stories from the Patriots first Super Bowl win when Rams assistants were reportedly telling Mike Martz to run but he refused because he wanted to win his way? I think that happened here. Belichick didn't want to win 13-10, he wanted to blow them out. 4th and 13 is a terrible gamble. His choices should have been field goal or punt.

No matter how many words are written about this game none of it will do justice to just how great Eli Manning was. In football the game sometimes comes down to a couple plays, and those couple plays come down to a couple inches, and every pass Manning had to have, he squeezed it in there by a couple inches. I'm talking here about the David Tyree touchdown but also the pass to Kevin Boss which was thrown to allow the run after catch.



What about when the Giants got the ball back after that. Amani Toomer had like 5 seconds to roll over for the first down and he just laid there.

And then there's that last drive. The one where Eli earned his legacy. Unlike some quarterbacks (Dilfer, Roethlisberger) who win their rings by not fucking it up, Manning led his team on perhaps the best 2 minute drill in Super Bowl history. the pass to Tyree was so epic it deserves its own post. But there were many other great passes on that drive, including the last two to Smith and Burress. What an incredible performance by Eli Manning.




Four the past four years conversation in New York has been split on Eli Manning. There were Eli bashers and Eli supporters. Now there are only Giants fans and idiots.

David Tyree Uses His Head

Super Bowl XLII was definitely one for the ages and the key play from that game, the one that will always be remembered is the incredible circus catch by David Tyree on 3rd and 5 with 1:15 left.
Not only did the play gain 32 yards, it got the Giants a new set of downs and required two great individual efforts to make it happen.
First Eli Manning escaped the grasp of two Patriots defenders to buy himself some time. But I've seen quarterbacks do that before.
I can never remember seeing a wide receiver jump for a ball, and when his left hand was grabbed by the defender, use his helmet to secure the ball, then grab it again and reestablish possession, without the ball ever hitting the ground.
That is most definitely one that no one who saw it will soon forget.

Police Misconduct

Police in Elkhart, Indiana had a lot to be thankful for last Thanksgiving. A driver who was stopped and found to have been driving drunk was picked up and his hot passenger, who was not charged with a crime, was brought to the police station. While she was waiting for a ride, the slut in the miniskirt got friendly with the officers. First, she leaned over the counter and got a drink from an officer. Then things started to escalate, and while the cops were taking cell phone pictures of her, the security cameras were taking pictures of them.