Saturday, April 25, 2009

Baseball is Poop

Is it Called a Typo? Or a Sew-O?
Nationals players Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman were given jerseys without the O on the front, reading "Natinals."

Natinals jersey
Natinals jersey
Natinals jersey

It's amazing this happened and no one noticed, but even more amazing that I vividly remember it happening several other times before.
I even blogged about the time Aaron Harang was wearing a misspelled jersey.
Adam Riggs once wore an Angees jersey while playing for the Angels.

And I remember Mama Poop cutting this one out of the newspaper for me, when Joe Carter was playing for the Torotno Blue Jays.

More Jersey Mayhem
When the Mets released relief pitcher Darren O'Day he went home to Florida. That's where he was when his agent told him to hop on the first flight to Toronto because the Texas Rangers had just claimed him.
He was going through customs in the 8th inning and he came on to pitch in the 11th. But they had no jersey for him so he wore Kason Gabbard's #30. And O'Day gave up the game-losing hit to the first batter he faced.
This might have confused the front office because Gabbard was traded the next day.
O'Day now wears #56.

Darren O'Day blows the game in Kason Gabbard's jersey

I Wouldn't Get Started On Emilio Bonifacio's Hall of Fame Plaque Yet
Emilio Bonifacio started out the season 14 for 24 (.583) in his first five games. After which his "owned %" in fantasy leagues probably jumped to 100. Since then Bonifacio is 6 for 45 (.133). He also has 0 extra base hits and 0 RBI over that span. And the speedster has only one stolen base during that stretch, because you can't steal first.

I'm Getting Too Old For This Shit
Last year I wrote about poor umpire Kerwin Danley getting smacked in the face with a pitch while Vin Scully ran down every thing he knew about the man (too bad the video doesn't work anymore). Less than a year later Danley was carted off the field on a stretcher again, after getting hit with a broken bat.

Kerwin Danley carted off again

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Immediately After You Just Did It
Jermaine Dye hit his 300th career home run, then was immediately upstaged by teammate Paul Konerko who hit his 300th. Back to back milestones. The odds of two teammates being stuck on 299 at the same time are astronomical. No two teammates had ever hit 300 in the same game, never mind back to back. Incredible happenstance.

Cool Picture of the Week
Rickie Weeks take a pitch to the face. I'm pretty sure he bunted it up into his face or else his face likely would have been shattered. But still pretty crazy, you can see Weeks's skin rippling away from the impact zone.

Rickie Weeks gets hit in the face

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Worst App Ever

Apple pulled the plug on an application dubbed "Baby Shaker," which encouraged users to shake a virtual baby to quiet its cries. Two days after approving the 99-cent program, Apple responded to an outcry of complaints and removed it from the iPhone application store.

Apple representative Natalie Kerris confirmed that Apple had approved then removed "Baby Shaker" for sale in the App Store. But she declined to comment on why Apple took either step. She also declined to comment on how many copies of "Baby Shaker" were downloaded before the application was removed or whether its developer, Sikalosoft, faced any consequences for submitting the program.

Sikalosoft billed "Baby Shaker" as a way for users annoyed by real-life crying babies to take out their aggressions virtually. The application showed a drawing of a crying infant. To get it to stop crying, users were instructed to shake their iPhone. The shaking killed the baby, which then appeared with red "Xs" on its eyes.

"Babies are everywhere you don't want them to be! They're always distracting you from preparing for that big presentation at work with their incessant crying. Before Baby Shaker there was nothing you could do about it," Sikalosoft said on the promotional page for the game on its Web site.

Apple's iPhone application store has proved phenomenally successful. It now offers about 35,000 programs, and the number of downloads is approaching 1 billion, Apple reported Wednesday.

But the company has been guarded about the application approval process, and has drawn criticism for having arbitrary rules about what will and won't pass muster.

I don't blame Apple for this because this is the problem with letting user-generated content onto your system/device. For every hundred brilliant ideas like iFart, there's an asshole out there who does something like this. I would love to get the chance to shake/pound/beat some sense into the cockfaces at Sikalsoft.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Why Miss California Should Have Won

She's the only one in the pageant who knows how to wear a sash.

Picture is small, but best I could find, she's third from the left first row.

While other pageant contestants hide their flat chests with their sashes Miss California shows off her bodacious tatas

I'm not going to go on a rant about this pageant this because Mrs. Poop will yell at me but there's no way a gay guy should be judging a pageant in which tits are a major factor. And no way any judge should decide who wins based on her political views. We're sorry, nobody wants gay marriage legalized, but don't penalize the hot bitch with the nice tits.

Song of the Week

"Brooklyn (We Go Hard)" - Jay-Z
It's been a long time since I liked a Jay-Z song but the sample/hook to this one is hauntingly beautiful.

Is Yadier Molina Grabbing Daniel Murphy's Junk?

Hasn't Yadier Molina done enough damage to the Mets. There's the Game 7 home run, now last night he tags out two runners at home by expertly blocking the plate, with help from Beltran who doesn't know how to slide. But this is adding insult to injury. Looks like he is trying to grab Daniel Murphy's dick.

Yadier Molina tries to grab Daniel Murphy's package

Reminds me of this picture

What Do You Give Me For? Bill Richardson and Horatio Sanz

Former Saturday Night Live Actor Horatio Sanz has lost a ton of weight and grown a beard. How much does these changes make him look like New Mexico governor Bill Richardson?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Cesar for President

My favorite hero and my role model in calm assertiveness, Cesar Milan has some advice for the Obamas on raising their new puppy, Bo.

no dog is too much for him to hanle

Remember, in the canine world, they don't know what you do for a living. They don't know that you live in the White House. But they do understand the energy you project, and they know who sets the rules, boundaries, and limitations. So it is important that every family member establish leadership with the new addition - even Dad!

1. Bo is going to be the world's most famous dog with nearly every bark and misbehavior chronicled. What are the most important training tips for a dog getting all that attention?
Establish leadership from day one! Start off with a nice, long walk. This is the best way to bond with the new dog. Make sure Bo is next to you or behind you. Canine pack leaders walk in front. Establish rules, boundaries and leadership right from the start, and be consistent. Don't send Bo a mixed message. Then, at the end of the day when he is in resting mode, you can share all that affection you've been storing up!
By starting off right, the family can help prevent bad behavior down the road, such as excessive barking, leash-pulling or biting White House reporters.

2. Bo is new, but the house is old and rich in history. How can the Obamas make sure that this new dog doesn't rough up the Lincoln bedroom or the new White House vegetable garden?
Set rules, boundaries and limitations. Let Bo know that certain places are off-limits by claiming the area. Use your body, your mind and your calm-assertive energy to create an invisible wall that the dog is not allowed to cross.
If the family decides an area is off-limits for the dog, the dog should always be supervised in those areas. He should never be left alone there, especially in the first six months.

3. What does Barack Obama's style of leadership as a president tell us about how he'll be as a pet owner? President Obama is a calm and assertive leader. If he applies those skills to his relationship with Bo, he'll be on the right path and a great role model for the world!

4. The president and first lady have made a point of saying that their daughters, Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, will have responsibilities for walking and cleaning up after Bo. Is that realistic?
Absolutely! It is important for the whole family to be involved, and walking is one of the best ways to bond with Bo. It can also help the dog to see the girls as pack leaders, and of course, it is the humans' responsibility to clean up after the dog. The girls are definitely old enough to respect an agreement to walk Bo and clean up afterwards. I would keep the routine very simple and playful.

5. If the Obamas only took one piece of advice from you about raising Bo, what should it be?
Never work against Mother Nature, always work with her. I received this piece of advice from my grandfather, and I keep it in mind every day. Animals need a balanced pack leader, and when they live with us, we can all be balanced pack leaders!

Looks like the Obamas aren't off to the best start. In his debut Bo was dragging them all over the place. And that's even after he spent a month with a special trainer.

Monday, April 20, 2009

You Thought It Was Bad Now

Our piece of shit laptop aka craptop is broken again. We are not sure whether to fix it (we've had it less than 3 years but the warranty is up) or just buy a new one (and lose all our pictures and everything else saved on there).
Until we figure out something there will probably be no more posts on the Poop, other than a couple things I've already written or something I may have time to do at work.
Fuckin Hewlett-Packard sucks.

Does Susan Boyle Have Milton Bradley Syndrome?

By now you've probably heard the incredible story of Susan Boyle. The 47-year old British woman who spent her whole life caring for her ill mother and never left the house. Like Josie Grossie she's never been kissed. So she goes on "Britain's Got Talent" and because she looks like a frump, a spinster, a schlumpa-dinka, everyone writes her off as soon as she walks on stage. But then she starts to sing:

Click here to watch the performance because the youtube cocksuckers won't let me embed it.

Now Boyle is the most famous woman in the world, leading some to wonder if she might have Milton Bradley Syndrome.

Quick explainer: Milton Bradley Syndrome is when someone has a talent that's overshadowed by a certain flaw (Bradley's temper, Amy Winehouse's drug habit, Susan Boyle's looks) but at some point people actually overrate how good that person would be if not for that talent.

In Susan Boyle's case, I think if she were a gorgeous girl, she probably would have had a record deal 25 years ago. But say she were an average looking girl, with that same singing voice. I doubt she ever would have gotten noticed, and she certainly wouldn't have become the worldwide singing sensation she is now.

Ten Years Later

Believe it or not, it's been 10 years since the shootings at Columbine High School.

Because this is the "new Poop" I won't go into detail about my thoughts on this incident, I'll just make two comments.

1) Pretty much everyone who ever went to high school knew kids like Eric and Dylan, kids who were social pariahs who under the worst of circumstances could have perpetrated something like this. And because of the randomness with which they carried out these shootings, it could have been any of us.
As such, shortly after Columbine I had a nightmare that this took place at Susan Wagner High School. Jordan Rubin and Jonathan Marino were the perpetrators and among the victims were Reissberg, The Concierge and JLeary.

2) A few days after Pizza Parlor Derek and I struggled to fight back tears while watching the memorial service for the kids who had been killed.