Sunday, December 21, 2014

Weekly Picks

I'm really disappointed because I was going to pick the Bengals as my best bet last week because I really don't believe in Johnny Football as an NFL QB. I feel the same way I did about Tebow, great college player who won't translate. He can throw better than Tebow but has less size and almost none of the intangibles, not that I really care too much about intangibles.

CAROLINA -4 cleveland
I'm actually a little concerned here because I think everyone is going to pick against Cleveland and I really think Manziel is going to be better, because he can't be worse. But Carolina actually has something to play for and the spread is not that big.

atlanta +6 NEW ORLEANS
I don't trust the Saints to do what they're supposed to do. Especially at home this year, which seems weird.

SEATTLE -8 1/2 arizona
I find that whenever a spread seems too big because of an injury or something, the favorite usually covers anyway. My only concern about this pick is agreeing with Mike Francesa. Of Ryan Lindley he said, "I don't want to pick on the kid but -- he stinks! He's terrible."

new england -10 NEW YORK JETS
You don't think Bill Belichick wants to shove it up Rex's ass in their last-ever meeting as head coaches?

green bay -11 tampa bay

Another huge spread, especially for a road team, but I like to ride with the teams that disappointed the previous week. And I really do believe the Packers are the best team in the NFL.

Last week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 36-39 (31 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (5-10)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (12-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (11-10)
Road Underdogs: 2-1 (11-13)

Friday, December 19, 2014

Funny or Douchey?

This has the potential to be the most controversial Funny or Douchey ever. I know many of you will vote douchey without giving it a second thought. But I know at least a couple of you will find this to be quite clever and humorous.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Song of the Week

"Baby It's Cold Outside" - Cee-Lo Green featuring Christina Aguilera
This song about date rape is a perfect fit for accused sexual predator Cee-Lo.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Funny or Douchey?

An Australian colleague had a birthday and on the card I wrote "Happy Birthday! I hope you have a G'day."

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Weekly Picks

The secret to my success: pick against the Jets. They stink. Though I will deviate from that strategy this week and leave them alone for a week.

KANSAS CITY -10 1/2 oakland
I actually wanted to make this game my best bet but this is just too many points for a team like the Chiefs.

jacksonville +13 1/2 BALTIMORE
I just don't like the Ravens. They surprised me last week by beating the Dolphins but I expect them to have a stinker against a weaker team.

san francisco +9 1/2 SEATTLE
I know this pick doesn't look too good but I just have a feeling there won't be too many points scored at all.

cincinnati +2 CLEVELAND
Brian Hoyer didn't lose all those games by himself. And I just have no confidence that Johnny Football is actually an NFL quarterback at this point.

green bay -4 1/2 BUFFALO

I just love the Packers and think they're awesome. They played a close game last week and allowed a lot of points. Their defense should do better against the Bills.

Last week: 4-1 (5 points)
Season: 33-37 (29 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (5-9)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (11-15)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 2-0 (11-9)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (9-12)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Song of the Week

"Open Your Eyes" - Bobby Caldwell
When Bobby Caldwell was new to the music industry in the 1970s, there was no internet, so if you heard a song you liked on the radio it was very hard to find out what the person who sang it looked like.
Caldwell sounded "black" but he is white and according to his Wikipedia page "Caldwell's management took certain steps — such as portraying the artist only in silhouette on the cover and in advertisements — to hide the fact that he was white."

Still this is a cool jam, sampled expertly by Common on "The Light.".

Monday, December 08, 2014

A New Kind of F or D

Rams coach Jeff Fisher sent out 6 players for the opening coin toss against the Redskins, they happened to be the six players active for Sunday's game who were acquired via the trade for RGIII. They are Stedman Bailey, Michael Brockers, Greg Robinson, Janoris Jenkins, Zac Stacy, and Alec Ogletree.

I definitely think the answer is dickish. If RGIII were playing well and Fisher wanted to say "we like our side" I would say it's funny. But doing it just to show up the Redskins now that things have gone so badly, that's just kicking a guy when he's down.

Good Guesses

I told Mrs. Poop that LeBron's new running mate was named Kevin and his last name is a verb that I do to her. She guessed "Kevin Hump" and "Kevin Annoy" before giving up.

How to Handle Fleeting Success

Thomas F. Wilson is famous for playing Biff Tannen and his progenitors and progeny in the Back to the Future movies.

Because those movies are so good and so timeless Wilson is constantly being stopped by adoring fans who ask him the same, dumb questions over and over again. He decided to print this FAQ to hand out rather than answering these mindless queries 100 times a a day.

And since he has transitioned to stand-up comedy, here's his musical comedy routine addressing the same topic: