Saturday, November 01, 2008

Hustlers' Anthem

One of my favorite songs of all-time is this ode to hard work by Rick Ross.

Comedian Katt Williams (another of my favorites) shares my love for "Hustlin."

And check out this page from Rick Ross's daily planner:

Rick Ross's schedule

The Worst Part of the Seattle SuperSonics Moving to Oklahoma City

When the Oklahoma City Thunder opened their inaugural season that essentially closed the book on the Seattle SuperSonics. While people outside of Seattle won't miss the team (and it might come back at some point, Seattle retained the name and colors), avid fans of Ice Cube's classic "It Was a Good Day," have to feel a little hurt over this.
When I teach Chase about this song in a few years he's going to want to know whom the Lakers beat.
And I'll have to explain that there used to be a team called the Seattle SuperSonics and they had a starting lineup of Michael Cage, Tom Chambers, Xavier McDaniel, Dale Ellis and Nate McMillan.
Now that was a team.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Barack Obama is a Poser

Barack Obama pretended to be black by talking about every black person's favorite comedy, Sanford and Son.

Of course Fred Sanford always said "I'm coming, Elizabeth." Weezy was the wife on "The Jeffersons." I guess a half-white person can't be expected to know the only two black comedies that were on TV when he was growing up.

I Fuckin Hate Gray's Anatomy

Not only is this show the worst piece of shit on TV, but it tears families apart.
Mama Poop turned the TV on for 2 seconds and up popped "Gray's Anatomy" at the exact time that some stupid bitch was saying "regular, boy-girl, penis-vagina sex."
We both pretended not to notice.

Phillies Fans React Like, Well, Like Phillies Fans

I know fans in almost every city riot when their teams win, but 25 years of pent-up frustration from never winning and feeling inferior to New York, brought out the worst in Phillies fans.
But amid all the death and destruction there was one humorous moment as several idiots stood atop a bus shelter. (Money shot comes 15 seconds in, no need to watch entire clip).

And if you need anymore evidence about how awful Phillies fans are there are tons of other videos showing that these cretins deserve to be kept caged in zoos and fed their cheesesteaks through the bars.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween from our little monkey.

You have no idea how hard it is to photograph a 1-year-old who won't stop moving.

Mike Singletary is Losing It

One week into his coaching tenure and Mike Singletary may already be cracking under the pressure. While he handled himself well when asked about the phone call he made to the deceased Bill Walsh, he freaked out in his postgame press conference at tight end Vernon Davis.
And now we're finding out about his first halftime speech as a head coach.
Singletary dropped his pants and delivered his speech with his pants around his ankles, to illustrate a point.
"We're getting our tails whipped out there, now let's get back out there."
The team says he was wearing boxers.
"I used my pants to illustrate that we were getting our tails whipped on Sunday and how humiliating that should feel for all of us. I needed to do something to dramatize my point; there were other ways I could have done it but I think this got the message across."
I think he's probably been contemplating that motivational ploy for years and relished the opportunity to use it.

Mike Singletary...wearing pants

Happy Halloween, Love Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey, dressed as the world's sexiest fireman, arrives at her Halloween party by firetruck.

Mariah Carey is one hot fireman

My Girl Meadow

The beautiful and talented Jamie-Lynn Sigler made her guest appearance on Entourage, and of course I loved it.
She was sweet and gorgeous as always, but showed a tougher side of her with lines like "fuckin cunts," "he told you I jerked him off" and "I would have fucked him too."

Jamie-Lynn Sigler jerks off Turtle on Entouage
Jamie-Lynn Sigler on Entourage
The former Meadow Soprano guest stars on Entourage

But Meadow's appearance on the show has started rumors of art imitating life. Rumors she artfully shot down , saying her and Jerry Ferraro (Turtle) are just friends, having seen each other at numerous HBO soirees over the years. But she did say she shot 3 episodes, so we're going to see her twice more, hopefully in even more provocative circumstances.

Good News, Bad News

7-year-old Garrett Monroe experienced the highs and lows in life while watching his beloved Cincinnati Bearcats beat South Florida 24-10.
Garrett was seated in the corner of the end zone and when Cincinnati's Marshawn Gilyard went barreling into the stands, he landed on Garrett.
Gilyard then cradled the crying boy in his arms.
Garrett was not hurt, and any discomfort he did feel was quickly soothed when he got to meet Erin Andrews. Trust me, the video is worth watching, stick with it through the ads and highlights.

Garrett Monroe gets interviewed by Erin Andrews

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,774

Chase has a toy piggy bank that comes with 10 colored coins.
When I came downstairs today the coins were all over the living room.
When I asked Chase what the hell happened, Mrs. Poop replied "he was making it rain."

Chase loves to make it rain

Looking at Boobies is Dangerous

A 29-year-old man was shot in both legs outside a convenience store in Reading, Pennsylvania.
The victim and his friend were getting gas when they saw a woman lift her shirt, exposing her breasts.
While they were looking at her, a male got out of a vehicle and fired five shots at the victim.
It was unclear whether the gunman was with the woman or if the two incidents were related.
Of course the gunman was with the woman. They were obviously having some kind of argument and she said "oh yeah, well I'm going to show my tits to these two strangers, and then I'm going to do a little DP with them."
And at that, her enraged boyfriend pulled out the gun and shot the dude ogling his woman.
Why didn't he just shoot the woman?
Because he was angling for make-up sex.

Bad Place to Park

Houston wide receiver Patrick Edwards runs into a cart parked in the back of the end zone during a game at Marshall.

Edwards shattered his right leg and had immediate surgery to put a rod in his leg. Doctors say he might be able to come back and play next season. He's only a redshirt freshman so hopefully he has time to come back and prove himself to NFL teams.
“I never saw (the cart),” Edwards said. “All I saw was the ball. It (the pass) was coming down, and I was concentrating on that. I didn’t see (the cart) until I hit it. I could see my leg, but it really didn’t hurt. The thing is that as soon as it (the injury) happened, my leg just went numb. I couldn’t feel anything.”
I have a feeling Edwards has a pretty good case against Marshall for having unsafe playing conditions. Marshall's AD says the carts have been parked there for two years without incident, but will be moved now.

And if you haven't already lost your lunch, here's the injury in a still picture.

This picture captures the moment of impact when Houston receiver Patrick Edwards broke his leg running into a cart

Hard To Be Your Bud

There are plenty of reasons to complain about the tenure of baseball commissioner Bud Selig, but his handling of Game 5 of the World Series is not one of them.
Selig took a very difficult circumstances and handled them the best way possible. And the media is still killing him for it.
If anything, on Monday night the game should have been called even sooner.
And I don't care if it wasn't on the books, of course no playoff game, let alone World Series game, let alone deciding game of a World Series, should be rain-shortened.
And if he did in fact make up that rule on the spot, good for him for letting common sense prevail.
And I couldn't care less if Joe Buck and Tim McCarver didn't know what was going on. They have their heads up their asses half the time anyway.
Sometimes shit happens, and you have to deal with it. Suspending the game when they did was absolutely the right thing to do, and postponing it all the way until Wednesday was also the correct move.
I actually think the delay built excitement and tension regarding the game. And the fact that it ended at 10 PM on the East Coast has me thinking that all playoff games should be played in two parts.

He Stole My Move

Conan O'Brien is furious with Texans receiver David Anderson who used Conan's "String Dance" after scoring a touchdown against the Bengals.

Wisdom From Judge Smails

"It's easy to grin when your ship comes and you've got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile, is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat."

I guess I'm worthwhile because these new boxer briefs from the Gap are fitting a little snug this morning. But I'm still smiling.

I Must Be a Real Piece of Shit

I recently saw an episode of "Poker After Dark" where Clonie Gowen sucked out on Phil Laak, catching an ace on the river to beat his pocket sixes.
She said it's hard to beat the karma points she's accrued by being such a good person.
Phil Hellmuth threw his two cents in, "I feel like I'm a great person. Karma comes my way too. I'm a great person."
And Phil Laak defended himself "you don't think my life is good in spite of losing that hand?"
Mike Matusow sat quietly (a rarity for him) and listened, as the other three debated who among them is the better person and most deserving of the luck they get in poker.
Then, when Matusow could stand no more, he stated simply "then I must be a real piece of shit."

That's how I feel as a Mets fan this morning. Watching the Philadelphia Phillies win the World Series and seeing their fans celebrating in the streets, makes me sick to my stomach.
The fact that karma and the baseball Gods saw fit to reward this disgusting group of scoundrels, misanthropes and cretins before us, has to make all Mets fans reconsider how we behave.
Philadelphia fans boo Santa Claus, cheer injuries, pour beer on little kids and even threw mustard on the granddaughter of Rays manager Joe Maddon.
Yet, they're celebrating a World Series Championship this morning, and Mets fans are once again wallowing in disappointment.

Smokey Can Celebrate Halloween Again

Halloween is back in Oil City, Pennsylvania.
The town banned after dark trick-or-treating because in 1992 an 11-year-old girl was abducted off the street and murdered.
But tomorrow pint-sized witches, princesses and vampires will once again be shuffling from house to house at night, thanks to a petition drive by a fifth-grader.
Elizabeth Roess gathered signatures, wrote an essay outlining her argument, and persuaded the City Council to bring back nighttime trick-or-treating.
Hoping to move Halloween back to night hours, Elizabeth, her mother, grandmother and family friends gathered 175 signatures. The 10-year-old also wrote a paper in which she made her case. Among her reasons: Halloween decorations are best appreciated at night, and many people aren't home during the day to give out candy.
The council vote was unanimous. Elizabeth plans on dressing up as a Goth princess bride.
For weeks now, children and their parents in this struggling, working-class town of 10,000 about 80 miles north of Pittsburgh have been eagerly anticipating Halloween's return.
The police department plans to have seven officers on duty Friday night, or about twice the usual number, in addition to four school security guards and all 10 of the town's crossing guards.

the porch of a home in Oil City, decorated for Halloween
Buildings of downtown Oil City, Pa. are reflected in the windows of a Haunted House with a Dracula replica setup for the Halloween season
Elizabeth Roess, the girl who brought Halloween back to Oil City

Just some background on the Halloween ban, that sort of makes it seem like the good people of Oil City were using a sledgehammer to kill an ant.
Shauna Howe was abducted while walking home from a Halloween party on October 27, 1992.
Three days later, her battered body was found under a railroad trestle eight miles away.
With the town gripped by fear that a child killer was on the loose, trick-or-treating the next day was held in daylight for the first time. Police watched from helicopters as parents led their children from house to house along quiet streets.
Residents also began locking their doors and driving their children to school. And every year afterward, the City Council voted to allow trick-or-treating in the afternoon only, a move duplicated around the same time by many other U.S. cities and towns worried about children's safety.
The police chief said Shauna's murder shattered the "Mayberry attitude" many people in Oil City had toward their hometown.
The Oil City murder remained unsolved until a witness came forward four years ago and police turned to DNA evidence. Two brothers were arrested and convicted of murder and sexual assault. A third man pleaded guilty to murder.
"Unfortunately, Shauna's tragedy seemed to define Oil City for many years," Oil City blogger John Noel Bartlett wrote on his Web site. "It's time to move on."

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

McCain's Only Hope

There's a phenomenon in politics called "The Bradley Effect" which was created to explain why black candidates tend to do much better in polls than they actually do in elections.
It was so named for Tom Bradley who lost the 1982 California gubernatorial election despite holding a big lead in the polls. White voters went for Bradley in much lower numbers than polling projected. And undecided voters went for Bradley's opponent (George Deukmejian) in unusually high numbers.
That led people to theorize that white people were embarrassed to tell pollsters they weren't voting for the black guy. And thus, the Bradley Effect was born.
Similar trends have been evidenced in other political races, leading some people to believe it could be at work in this Presidential election.
But I think times have changed and people's racial attitudes have changed as well.
A recent poll showed that in 1958, 58% of voters said they wouldn't vote for black president, while now only 5% say that.
I expect Obama to win this election but I think it will be by a much smaller margin than current polls are projecting. I think the Bradley Effect will have some impact but more importantly, historically, black people do not vote in as high numbers as white people. But that could change now that they could very well be voting for the first black President.

Song of the Week

"Heart of the Matter" - India.Arie
A great remake of a pretty good song by Don Henley that needed to be updated.
India.Arie is one of my favorite singers, she has a positive message in her music. And I met her once and she is very nice.
Unfortunately, her version made it onto the soundtrack for the ghastly "Sex & the City" movie, but I won't hold that against it.

There's Hope for the Knicks This Season

Charles Barkley thinks the Knicks are going to improve this year. Why? Because "at least this coach ain't trying to kill himself."
I still hate Charles but this kind of blunt honesty is the reason why so many people do like him.

What Do You Give Me For? Chase and Kenny

Penn State Fans Handle Win Over Ohio State With Usual Amount of Class

A celebration of Penn State’s 13-6 win over Ohio State on Saturday turned destructive as people pulled down light poles and street signs, climbed atop cars and tossed objects off balconies in downtown State College.

Revelers in the crowd, which stretched from Beaver to College avenues, between Garner and Pugh streets, and up to Locust Lane, tore down at least two light poles, a stop sign and a one-way-street sign.

Shoes, water, toilet paper, pots, pans and even a newspaper box were tossed into the crowd. Cars were damaged and several small fires were started, but quickly put out.

Hundreds of people were maced and police were able to clear the streets around 1:30 a.m., after more than two hours of the disturbance.

idiot Penn State fan gets maced when he tries to carry away a lightpole right in front of the cops
Penn State fans worship a tree they tore out of the ground during celebrations after beating Ohio State
A Penn State fan ironically tries to steal a newspaper box.  Ironic because he doesn't know how to read
a shirtless Penn State fan stomps on a downed light pole

The NFL is Poop - Week 8

Still The One
The Tennessee Titans are 7-0, the last remaining unbeaten, yet they still don't seem to be getting the attention they deserve. If the Giants, Patriots or Cowboys were 7-0 I think you'd be hearing a lot more talk about the possibility of an undefeated season. For some reason people refuse to believe in the Titans. The Titans have a few tough but winnable games coming up (Green Bay, at Chicago, at Jacksonville, Jets) and if they can get through that stretch they have 3 easy games in a row (at Detroit, Cleveland, at Houston) before finishing up with the Steelers at home and then a rematch with the Colts. I think they'll be at least 12-2 entering the Steelers game.
They have a great defense, against the rush and the pass, they force turnovers and thanks to Kerry Collins replacing Vince Young they don't make too many. And versatile duo of Chris Johnson and LenDale White gives them a dominant running game. This team is for real.

Chris Johnson helped the Titans run over the Colts and remain undefeated

So Close
The Jaguars lost 23-17 to the Browns but only because Matt Jones's fingers are just a little too short. Jones has a potential game-winning touchdown bounce off his fingertips three times, with just seconds to go in the game.

A Win is a Win...But Still
The New York Jets entered a 3-game stretch against the Bengals, Raiders and Chiefs expecting to go 3-0. They went 2-1 and only because they got lucky. Jets fans who were booking flights to Tampa are now reminded of the hastiness The Wolf reminded us to avoid when he said "let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet." The fact is Brett Favre can still be excellent, but he just makes so many bad passes. He is killing the Jets right now. His turnovers are keeping these bad teams in the game and if he doesn't improve when the competition does, the Jets could very well finish 6-10 as I predicted they would at the start of the season. His 11 interceptions are the most in the NFL this year, and 7 of them came in this stretch of games they should have won easily.

Brett Favre is killing the Jets with his turnovers

Joy...and Pain
While punt returner Jacoby Jones left the Cincinnati Bengals eating his dust his exultant teammates celebrated behind him.

Jacoby Jones returns a punt 73 yards for a touchdown against the Bengals

Mike Singletary Don't Take No Shit
New 49ers coach Mike Singletary is already bringing his trademark toughness to the team is his first game. After tight end Vernon Davis committed a stupid 15-yard penalty for slapping Seahawks safety Brian Russell on the facemask (Davis says it was in jest) Singletary told him to sit on the bench. Then Singletary sent him to the locker room early. When Davis took his helmet and left the field as instructed, Singletary got even angrier. And the 49ers lost 34-13.

Mike Singletary was furious with Vernon Davis

Game of the Week
New York Giants 21 Pittsburgh Steelers 14

An interesting case study in this game as the Giants dominated the game but couldn't get the ball in the end zone, settling for four field goals. The Steelers couldn't do much of anything, but struck for two big scoring plays which gave them the lead. That is until their long snapper got hurt, and the backup's bad snap led to a safety. There's a good chance the Giants could have driven for at least a field goal anyway, but that safety definitely changed the way the game was going. I think the Steelers were exposed here because the Eagles and now the Giants have proven the way to beat them is to blitz frequently.

Game of Next Week
Pittsburgh Steelers at Washington Redskins

We may have been one bad snap away from having this matchup as our "If the Super Bowl Were Played Today" game. I hope the Redskins learned the lessons and blitz Roethlisberger. Both of these teams are sort of lingering as the second or third best team in their conference and a win here would be huge for both.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
I love the way Jason Campbell is playing (8 touchdowns, 0 interceptions), I love the way Clinton Portis is playing (944 in 8 games) but for some reason the Redskins took 3 easy games and made them tough ones. The schedule gets tougher now and they need to also.

Clinton Portis leads the NFL in rushing by 260 yards
Santana Moss scored a return TD and a receiving TD against the Lions

Cheerleader of the Week
Andrea of the Houston Texans Cheerleaders
Andrea and I have quite a few things in common. Her favorite ice cream flavor is "MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP!!" She didn't specify but I'm quite certain she means the green and not the white. As for her taste in movies "I love comedies! "Dumb & Dumber" is an all-time favorite!" And her favorite part of being a Houston Texans cheerleader? "Coming back to OUR HOUSE, Reliant Stadium, every Sunday and walking through the tunnel. WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!!!" Hot chicks who quote Under Armour commercials rule!

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Tennessee Titans 21 New York Giants 17

The Titans finally showed they can beat a good team, and they're still undefeated so they deserve this spot for now. The Giants have struggled recently and even though they beat the Steelers, they needed some luck to do it.

Obama Speeds Up Sale of the Dolphins

Dolphins owner H. Wayne Huizenga is planning to sell 45 percent more of the team to Stephen Ross (who already owns 50%), and he wants to do it soon.
That's because a Barack Obama administration is expected to mean higher capital-gains taxes.
"He wants to double the capital gains tax, or almost double it," Huizenga said. "I'd rather give it to charity than to him. If you do it this year or you do it next year, the difference is humongous because of the taxes."
But the Obama campaign disputed Huizenga's figures on Monday, saying the candidate's plans are to raise the capital gains tax maximum from 15 percent to 20 percent.
But that's still going to cost Huizenga an extra $20 million or so depending on how much his gains are.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Barbara West Did Not Go to Syracuse

Barbara West of WFTV in Orlando in furiated Joe Biden when she quoted Karl Marx and asked Biden how Obama's tax plan is not Marxist.

First of all, as a news anchor, West should have known better than to phrase her question that way. What she should have said was "critics say Obama's tax plan is similar to Marxism." That's one of the first rules of interviewing we learned at The Newhouse School.
But West didn't do that because she basically turned the entire interview into an attack, very unprofessional. But for once Biden acutally handled it well.

I Can't Wait for Run Over an Anti-Semite With Your Car Day

Several sixth-graders from suburban St. Louis are being disciplined for creating "Hit a Jew Day" and then hitting Jewish classmates.

Four or five students at Parkway West Middle School in Chesterfield could be suspended and undergo counseling for last week's incident, school officials told the Associated Press. Others who taunted Jewish students or encouraged others to participate face lesser punishment.

Officials said fewer than 10 of the school's 35 Jewish students were hit. One was slapped in the face and the others were hit mostly on the back of their shoulders.

It began with an unofficial "Spirit Week" among sixth-graders that started harmlessly enough with a "Hug a Friend Day." Then there was "High Five Day."

Soon, though, the days moved from friendly to silly. Next there was "Hit a Tall Person Day" and, finally, "Hit a Jew Day."

Later in the school year the the sixth-graders will be studying the Holocaust.

"It's going to be a little more meaningful this year than it's ever been before," Principal Linda Lelonek said.

Unfortunately I disagree. I remember during our school trip to see "Schindler's List" some black kids left the theater and snuck into some Wesley Snipes movie. There were also other stories of kids at schools across the country laughing or joking during the movie. I even remember Steven Spielberg going to one school to talk to kids about the Holocaust.

Look Familiar?

My fatherly advice already seems to be working on Chase. He attacks a chicken leg just like his daddy.

chowing down on my delicious turkey leg

We Make Our Own Luck

Before defeating Brandon Vera at UFC 89, Keith Jardine did an unusual prefight ritual. During introductions he tweaked his nipples, similar to his training partner, Rashad Evans, who tweaked his nipples before he knocked out Chuck Liddell.
According to Joe Rogan (a funny guy who also happens to be the best color announcer in any sport) "It’s supposed to give you good luck to tweak your nipples. Think about that before you play the lottery."

Keith Jardine tweaks his nipples

That's Going to Be a Long Distance Call

Sideline reporter Danyelle Sargent made an unfortunate error during a pregame interview with Mike Singletary.

Link to video

Unfortunately Bill Walsh passed away last year. The presence of Mike Francesa on this clip just makes it even better. Could he have been any more cavalier about it? "Bill Walsh is dead."

I have a couple of questions about this. First of all, how did she ever get the idea that Singletary called Walsh? Did she completely make up that part about the phone call? Did she mean someone else? Since she stopped in the middle of this question, this obviously was being taped. So how did this embarrassing mistake make it onto youtube? The cameraman or producer who leaked it obviously meant to humiliate Sargent. And even though she deserves the ridicule, the leaker should be fired.

Since the incident never aired FOX lodged a complaint with the NFL about Miked Up's unauthorized use of the clip. Francesa was even forced to apologize for it.

Story suggested by Juice

Update: Sargent now says she meant to ask Singletary about the phone call he made to Walsh when he first got into coaching. And she accidentally said when he got the job. She also said the clip came off a live feed that goes to all affiliates. She says Miked Up should have known better than to use the clip because she stopped in the middle, waved in front of the camera and talked to her producer. That should have a been tip to anyone watching that this was not live, and did not go out over air. I agree with her on that point.

Monday, October 27, 2008

My Blood Pressure is 107/62

A smelly rotten-egg gas in farts controls blood pressure in mice, a new study finds.

The unpleasant aroma of the gas, called hydrogen sulfide, can be a little too familiar, as it is expelled by bacteria living in the human colon and eventually makes its way, well, out.

The new research found that cells lining mice's blood vessels naturally make the gas and this action can help keep the rodents' blood pressure low by relaxing the blood vessels to prevent hypertension (high blood pressure). This gas is "no doubt" produced in cells lining human blood vessels too, the researchers said.

Do I Really Have To Wait Until Hannukah?

The new Guitar Hero World Tour game is out, and I can't wait to get it. The game features more than just a guitar this time. There's a drum and a microphone. I cannot wait to sing along to "Livin on a Prayer."
Even though we don't play our Wii very much at all lately, I am definitely getting this game. Mrs. Poop and I are going to rock out and just as soon as Chase can learn the words to "La Bamba" (if Horse can do it, so can Chase), he'll join us too.

Not Everyone Loves Brutus

An adorably cute moment at the end of ESPN's College GameDay. It was time for Lee Corso to make his pick in the Ohio State-Penn State game, and he decided to call in the four young sons of his broadcast partner and former Ohio State star Kirk Herbstreit to help him. If you've ever seen the show you know that Corso makes his pick by donning the head of the mascot of the school he thinks will win, in this case, Brutus the Buckeye. Unfortunately, the youngest, 2-year-old Chase, broke out into hysterics when he saw this crazed man with a giant head.

Chase Herbstreit cries when he sees Lee Corso wearing Brutus the Buckeye's head

If you want to see moving pictures of the incident it starts about 8 minutes into this clip.

Dana White Reads the Poop

While SCZA and TON scoffed at my suggestion that Dana White should offer Kimbo Slice a chance in the UFC, apparently Dana White himself took heed.

Unfortunately, Kimbo would never accept this offer. But if he were truly committed to the sport he might consider it. And if he did, it would be the best reality show. EVER!