Friday, April 11, 2008


Oh Stewardess I Speak Jive

The best clips of the jive talkers from "Airplane!" edited together in one glorious youtube clip.
If you can watch this entire thing without laughing, please see a doctor, you are dead. Or it might be too late to see a doctor, go to an undertaker instead. And let me know when the funeral is, I'll try to attend.

Do The Carlton

While JR Giddens's former Kansas teammates were on TV this weekend at the Final Four, the only airtime Giddens got was on ESPN's constant replays of the college slam dunk contest where he unleashed this dunk, and post dunk celebration:

And now the original:

Sasha Cohen's New Boobies

Did Olympic figure skating cutie Sasha Cohen get herself some new titties? It's hard to argue with this visual evidence.



According to her website, Sasha credits a special bra for the fuller look she accomplishes in that last picture, which by the way was from a performance she did while Boyz II Men sang.

Thanks to BarStoolSports for pointing this out.

He Doesn't Look Jewish

When Nelson Figueroa starts for the Mets tonight against the Brewers he will not only complete a decade long odyssey that took him around the world, but he will be representing the hopes of a fine university that has never had another alumnus play in the major leagues.
Nelson Figueroa is the only Brandeis Judge to play in the major leagues. He went to Brandeis even though he isn't Jewish because that's the only school that would take him after his career at Lincoln High in Brooklyn.
And it was based on his work at Brandeis that the Mets took him in the 30th round of the 1995 draft.
But the Mets traded him along with Bernard Gilkey during the 1997 season for Willie Blair (who was 4-15 at the time).
Figueroa then bounced around with the Diamondbacks, Phillies, Brewers and Pirates before ending up with the Mariners last spring.
When the Mariners cut him before the season he pitched in Mexico and then Taiwan, where he won all four of his starts and was named MVP of the Taiwan Series.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

No One Wants a Big Black Dog

From the Associated Press:

When Aaron Jones walks Gozer, his Rottweiler-hound mix, people cross the street to avoid them. Mothers scoop up their children. A lost motorist once rolled up the windows and drove off after spotting the dog. One woman screamed.

"He's the nicest dog I know," said Jones, 33, of Oakland, Calif. "It's hard to understand all the fear."

Gozer isn't aggressive and doesn't look mean or bark, Jones insists — people are afraid of the dog purely because it's big and black. As a puppy, Gozer was passed over for at least a month before Jones took him home.

According to animal shelter officials, big, black dogs like Gozer have more trouble finding a happy home than do other dogs. Some shelters even have a name for it: "Big black dog syndrome."

Nobody tracks the problem nationally, and local shelters often keep only limited data on the sizes, breeds and colors of the dogs that are adopted or put down, according to the Humane Society and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

"But anecdotally," said Stephen Musso, executive vice president of the ASPCA, "that's what we hear from shelter after shelter: Big, black dogs just don't get adopted."

At the city animal shelter in Rogers, Ark., big, black dogs almost always make up the bulk of the animals put to sleep each month. Last month, 13 of the 14 dogs killed by the city were large and black — mostly Labs, shepherd mixes, pit bull mixes and Rottweillers, said Rhonda Dibasilio, manager of the city Animal Services Department.

It's not just that large dogs can be frightening: Animal shelters say black dogs of all sizes are difficult to photograph for online listings, and are hard to spot against the shadows of their crates and cages in dimly lighted kennels.

Older black dogs with a little white in their muzzles can look elderly. Bigger breeds like German shepherds or Chows aren't as fashionable as small, cuddly lap dogs.

Then there's the reputation. The idea of a big, black dog unleashing destruction is a common theme in books, movies and folklore as diverse as "The Hound of the Baskervilles," the "Harry Potter" series and "The Omen."

Even the common sign "Beware of Dog" depicts a big, black dog, teeth bared and gums dripping. The notion that the animals are menacing is so pervasive that Winston Churchill famously called depression "the black dog."

People are often wary of dark dogs because it's difficult to read their expressions, said Paul Nicosi, the dog behavior specialist at Bide-A-Wee animal shelter in New York City. Without defined eyebrows, a playful grin might be construed as an angry grimace, he said.

"There isn't a lot of contrast between black eyes and a black face, so people can't get a handle on how the dog is feeling," Nicosi said.

Joseph Giannini, owner of the Chicago dog-walking and doggie day care service Urban Out Sitters, said people may subconciously snub big black dogs because they aren't comfortable with what the pet may say about the owner.

"If I'm out with a Yorkie I definitely get treated very differently than if I'm walking a big Rottweiler or a dark pit bull mix," he said. "You look at the owner of a big, black dog and you might think, `Oh, there's a tough guy. I better avoid him and his mean dog.'"

It doesn't help that a quirk of dark-dog biology has led to an overabundance of large, black dogs, said Alex Yaffe, who founded Heartland Lab Rescue, a network for rescuing abandoned Labrador retrievers in Oklahoma. Labradors and pit bulls are resilient dogs who tend to have big litters of five or more, which increases overpopulation.

One black dog, Coal, took more than six months to find a home despite a sweet temperament, excellent recommendations and a featured spot on Yaffe's Web site. "He was just black," Yaffe said. "That was his one offense."

The Web site, a resource devoted to increasing public awareness of the "big black dog phenomenon," offers some lighthearted reasons to adopt a big, black dog: Their color doesn't clash with furniture or clothing, hides dirt well, and is easy to accessorize. In other words, black dogs could be the new black.

The dogs do appeal to those who want protection on walks late at night, or men who seek a canine boost of machismo, said Sandra DeFeo, the co-executive director of the Humane Society of New York.

And there's a certain contingent of dog lovers who specifically seek out black dogs because of their connection to the trendy Black Dog bakery on Martha's Vineyard.

"But either way, feelings aren't based on fact," she said. "Any dog can be friendly or unfriendly — big, black dogs and little Chihuahuas alike."

black labs love to fetch tennis balls
who could resist this face?

Brandon Backe Must Be Crazy

Astros pitcher Brandon Backe and Cardinals first baseman Albert Pooh Holes exchanged words on the field prior to Wednesday's game at Minute Maid Park and had to be separated by Astros manager Cecil Cooper.

Cecil Cooper saves Brandon Backe from getting his ass kicked by the Ferocious Pooh Holes

At issue was a play in the eighth inning of Tuesday's game, when Pooh Holes collided with Astros rookie catcher J.R. Towles at home plate in a 5-3 victory over the Astros.

Clean slide by The Gentlemanly Pooh Holes, he could have run over Towles and sent his ass into next week

Pooh Holes called the Astros' clubhouse 30 minutes following the game to apologize to Towles.

"It's apparent that we don't like each other," Backe said Wednesday. "That's OK. There are plenty of other people I don't like in this game. The competition between he and I just escalated."

As the Astros were completing batting practice, Backe said Pooh Holes approached him coming off the field. The two were seen near first base having an exchange before Cooper intervened.

What the fuck is wrong with this guy, how dare he approach the Magnificent Pooh Holes

Backe said he did not have a problem with Pooh Holes' apology, but took offense to being confronted on the field. According to Backe, Pooh Holes was upset that he "kept pressing on" about the situation.

"I felt violated. I felt he confronted me at the wrong time," said Backe, who did not pitch in the three-game series. "I don't think it was very professional on his part. Cooper was there and heard everything. He had to say his peace to me, and I said my peace to him and that's it."

When approached after taking batting practice, Pooh Holes first declined to discuss the incident before saying it was a non-issue.

"I already apologized and it's over with," said Pooh Holes , who hit two home runs against the Astros on Wednesday in a 6-4 Cardinals win. "He had a problem with me calling over there (to the clubhouse). You guys don't need to make this bigger than it is."

Towles said he was told by several people that the collision "looked deliberate" but otherwise had no problem with Pooh Holes' slide.

"He apologized to me and I accepted his apology," Towles said. "It's all said and done and over with. I thought it was a little bit more than he needed to do, but then I thought I might have lost sight of where the plate was and maybe I was too much in front blocking the plate."

Cooper declined to discuss the incident. But Cardinals manager Tony La Russa issued a warning to Towles earlier in the day before the incident between Pooh Holes and Backe. In Monday's game, Towles was involved in a home-plate collision with Troy Glaus in the ninth inning.

"I thought Albert did a fantastic job sliding to take his legs out," La Russa said. "The kid is not giving anybody room to slide, so that's what we teach. He's going to get blasted one of these days."

I'd Love To

Mariah Carey is back, baby! Her new song "Touch My Body" is awesome, and the video is even better.
I love the lyrics "if you run your mouth and brag about this secret rendezvous, I will hunt you down."
This totally makes it seems like she's into ugly guys. And I know it's probably just poetic license to make the lyrics fit the beat, but secret rendezvous is redundant.
Also she references a "Wendy interview," referring to the Queen of All Media (no, not Perez Hilton), Wendy Williams who is known for her probing interview questions.
Mariah also mentions youtube, I don't think I've ever heard that in a song before, though it was only a matter of time. I just wonder if in 20 years people hear this song and will think "what the hell was youtube?"
She also wants me to throw her on the bed, love her curves and give her what she deserves. I can do that.

I have always loved Mariah Carey from her early skinny days, to when she got breast implants, to when she went on antidepressants which caused her weight to fluctuate and of course now that she's smoking hot again for her new album.

My favorite Mariah moment was when she wore that Wizards jersey dress at the 2003 NBA All-Star game. Never before have a dress and a woman come together and in one perfect moment in time displayed all that is great about the female form.

Public Transportation Ettiquette Enforcer

John Clifford was found not guilty on misdemeanor counts of attempted assault, disorderly conduct, harassment and attempted petit larceny after an incident on the Long Island Railroad when he yelled at a guy who was talking on the phone.
He also slapped the hand of a woman who tried to intervene.
Clifford admitted cursing at his victim, Nicholas Bender, whom he called "a 19-year-old nitwit."
Clifford has been arrested eight times after being accused of throwing coffee, spewing expletives and getting in the faces of people whom he considered loud and rude on the train. All the other cases were dismissed.
The LIRR said "We will not tolerate aggressive behavior by Mr. Clifford if he seeks to impose his own standards of conduct on others."
Clifford used to work security for HBO but was fired after being arrested several times in connection with his LIRR confrontations.
Clifford is a lawyer and represented himself in this case. According to an old lawyer's joke, "a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client."

When I was a younger man riding the express bus to and from Manhattan from Staten Island I was once on a bus where a loud-talking man on a cellphone was confronted and screamed at by a grumpy old man.
The bus driver pulled off the roadway and sat on the shoulder of the BQE while the fight escalated. It turned into a debate among the passengers (all loud Staten Islanders) about who was right in this argument (the vote was split).
Eventually the guy agreed to stop talking on the phone and we started moving again, but it took 15 minutes (no joke) for our driver to find an opening to merge back into traffic.
I think the point here is that both people are wrong. The asshole who disturbs everyone else with his loud conversation and the belligerent old man who thinks it's his job to clean up this town, as if he's Mayor Goldie Wilson.

What a Waste of Alcohol

A beer truck overturned on a highway in Illinois, spilling most of the 1,140 cases (27,360 beers) that were on board. The only consolation is that it was Beck's.

If you have the stomach for it you can watch the spilled beer trickle down the roadway.

She's No Julie DDonaldson

Jocelyn Pierce is SNY's choice to replace Julie Donaldson as host of Mets Weekly.

Pierce is the fiance of New York Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce but she has chosen to take his name before wedding for career purposes.

While Pierce (nee Maldanado) is nice to look and she has a great accent when pronouncing Spanish names, she's a little stiff on camera, especially when reading, and she lacks a couple of the attributes that I liked so much about Julie.

This is the only picture of Pierce I could find, but at least this explains why Antonio Pierce's visit to spring training made Mets Weekly.

First Time, Long Time

SNY tried out a new idea for a couple of spring training broadcasts, the announcers taking calls in the booth.
Generally, I'm not a stick in the mud when it comes to change and I like trying new things but because I have such a low opinion of fans I doubt that this would add anything to my enjoyment of the game.
I also worry about this segment becoming sponsored and therefore required to be in a certain amount of games at certain times, possibly even close games.
And if it were only used in blowouts the only people likely to call in are idiots in love with the sound of their own voice or pranksters who want to tell Ron Darling "I want to slap your butt cheeks."
According to Bob Raissman, Keith Hernandez is not happy with the idea either:

"You want to do this in a 5-4 game with the bases loaded and a 3-2 count on some hitter? Do you want to do it then?" Hernandez said. "That would get in the way (of the game). You don't want to do anything to interfere with a game that's remotely up in the air. ... (But) it's not going to be my decision to make whether we (take calls) during a game."

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The Mets Get RickRoll'd

So the Mets held their stupid contest to see which song would be sung during the 8th inning.
And the winner is..."Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. pushed its readers to cast write-in votes for the song.
The Mets said the song doesn't reflect the wishes of their fan base so they're going to play 6 songs during the first 6 games of the season, and they'll pick the permanent song based on crowd reaction.
They were supposed to give "Never Gonna Give You Up" its chance during the 8th inning of the home opener.
Can anyone who was there confirm this?
The other songs that made the cut, in descending order: Livin’ on a Prayer, Bon Jovi; I’m a Believer, The Monkees; Movin’ Out, Billy Joel; Sweet Caroline, Neil Diamond; and Build Me Up Buttercup, The Foundations.

Indians Worship Deformed Baby, Again

Another deformed baby was born in India, and once again the Indian people are worshipping the child as the human incarnation of a Hindu goddess.
You may remember, Lakshmi, the girl with 8 limbs.
Meet Lali, the baby with two faces.
She can blink all her eyes and she can drink milk with both of her mouths, and I think the little cutie even has dimples.

To the Victor Go the Spoils

Congratulations to Pa Beers for winning the Poop's Tournament Challenge group.
Beers finished in the 98th percentile, 52,831st nationally.
I wish I had copied his picks for my office pool, I could have called my entry "Bracket You Can Xerox."
We had 26 entrants which I thought was pretty good.
Focks finished 2nd and Diesel finished 3rd (but I'm not allowed to brag about that).
Evan finished 5th but he would have come in second if Memphis had won.
Evan reportedly cried for 20 minutes after hearing that Memphis lost, made even sadder because the game took place on his 7th birthday.
Evan has a bright future of picking games ahead of him.
Michael had a bright past in the Tournament Challenge but this year he finished 12th, in the 64 percentile.
Finally, Mrs. Poop deserves recognition for coming in 6th, especially after she threatened to never play again after I made fun of her for getting off to a slow start.

Pizza Parlor Derek took the title on the women's side, finishing in the 95th percentile, tied for 9665th nationally.
Mrs. Poop who obviously knows nothing about women allowed her allegiance to UConn to cloud her judgment and she finished last in our group.
The overall winner got 5 first round games wrong, and everything else right.

Thanks to all who played, let's do it again next year.

Jerry From Queens

I heard Jerry from Queens (Jerry Seinfeld) on WFAN with Steve Sommers last night.
He spoke for several minutes about his car accident.
He said that he had taken the car in several times to have the brakes checked and for some reason the mechanics never fixed the problem.
He also blamed himself because he said when he realized the brakes weren't working he should have gone right home but didn't.
He also said the accident wasn't quite as bad as it was made out to be. He said he was going very slowly at the time, and that his car didn't roll over completely, it just landed on its side, and he popped out the side like "one of those 1950s stripper cakes."
He uses humor to deal with everything and said once he realized he wasn't hurt, he found the entire situation quite humorous. He might even consider bringing the car back to the same mechanic, "I got such good service the last time."
He didn't really talk much sports this time but he did say he loves Johan Santana.
When asked if he would like to do what Billy Crystal did he said he'd much rather sit there with his peanuts, he never thinks "I should be out there."

Song of the Week

"Woman" - Raheem DeVaughn
Someone left this CD on my desk at work for like 3 weeks and when I finally listened to it I realized I really liked two of the songs (this one and "Customer") but I had no idea who sang them.
I really like this guy, and not only because he was listed as the most famous alumnus of Coppin State in those pretournament rundowns of the most famous alums from every school.
This song is really cool because of its catchy chorus, which I'm going to teach you right now, it goes like this:

Woman woman woman Strong
Woman woman woman Grown
Woman woman woman Special
Woman woman woman Beautiful
Woman woman woman Strong
Woman woman woman Grown
Woman woman woman Special
Woman woman woman

I know it's not quite Supathug, but it's pretty close.

And fellas, tell me if this doesn't ring true:
"I appreciate your glow
And when you get angry with us the way that you let us know
And I think it's so cute when you get so emotional
You know till you prove your point you just can't let it go
But I like that though"

Ok, enough talk, you just want to see the video already, ok, here's the video but please notice the beauty in its simplicity, its fidelity to the lyrics and notice what happens when the girl opens her top about 55 seconds in. I think her boobies were in the briefcase in "Pulp Fiction"

Record Label Link

Was "Body Parts" Right?

I'm sure many of you remember the classic horror flick "Body Parts" about a man who lost his arm in a car accident and got a new arm, from the body of a serial killer. But the arm still had some of the killer in it and would act violently, all on its own.

I wonder if the same thing happened to Sonny Graham. 12 years ago Graham was near death from congestive heart failure. But he got a heart transplant from Terry Cottle, 33, whose heart came available when he shot himself.

Now, Graham died exactly the same way as his benefactor. He was found with a single shotgun wound to the throat.

Is it possible that the heart forced these men into suicide? Could the heart's beats have delivered a message of self-loathing and despair that led anyone who had this heart to bring himself to an untimely end?

Or maybe it was this:

A couple years after he got Cottle's heart, Graham reached out to his widow, Cheryl to thank her for the organ and the new lease on life it gave him.

In 2004, Graham and Cherly Cottle got married.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,771

I sent Mrs. Poop this picture:

And she said: "The woman is shaving her pussy"

Kansas Wins the National Title

Memphis totally choked this game away but it wasn't only because of poor free throw shooting. As a team Memphis shot 12-19 (63%) and Chris Douglas-Roberts and Derrick Rose made 9 of 13 from the line. Unfortunately for Memphis those 4 misses all came in the last minute and 15 seconds of regulation. And since CDR and Rose are actually pretty good free throw shooters, it's pretty clear that the pressure got to them.
Derrick Rose missed one free throw in this game

But Memphis made several more undisciplined and downright foolish plays that cost them the game as well.

First of all the turnover with 1:50 which led to a Sherron Collins 3 that cut the lead to 4 from 7. That was when the game really changed, when Kansas's players believed they could win, and when Memphis's players believed they could lose.

The big mistake was not fouling as Kansas brought the ball up on that final possession. John Calipari says they were trying to foul but Collins got separation from Rose and when he finally fouled him the refs didn't call it.

Coach Cal is lying. You can clearly see Derrick Rose close enough to foul with about 6 seconds left, but he backs off and raises his hands to avoid the foul. Cal should have called a timeout after Rose made the second free throw to set his defense and repeat his strategy. He obviously knew Kansas had no timeouts left and he didn't want to give them the advantage of being able to draw up a play. He thought his guys would know what to do, they didn't.

In overtime Memphis took 3 3 pointers at various times when down 4 points. They would have been much better served by getting a layup, or something closer to the basket, even if it took up more time.

And the biggest mistake was CDR fouling Chalmers with 45 seconds left and Kansas leading by only 3. Play good defense and you have at least a chance to tie. Huge mistake by CDR.

But we have to give a lot of credit to Kansas. They played a great game, and they made all the plays they need to make to come back in the game.

Chalmers's shot will go down in the history books.

Mario Chalmers just hit the biggest shot of his life

You think in his living room Bill Raftery shouted "onions?"

I think it was great that the officials reviewed that shot by Rose and got it correct. I know some people (Memphis players, coaches and alumni) may not like the retroactive reversal of the call but it was clearly a 2 and it would have been a lot worse had it been allowed to stand and that point gave Memphis the win.

Fittingly this game took place on the 20th anniversary of Kansas's last championship when Danny Manning led "Danny and the Miracles" over Mookie Blaylock, Stacey King and Oklahoma.

Congrats to Kansas

Jim Nantz's canned lines are so corny and contrived that someone should tell him to just react instead of ruining the spontaneity of the moment with something like "Rock Chalk Championship."

I think his best one was 2003 when he said "Syracuse is your National Champion."

I think Billy Packer was even making fun of him when he referred to the last overtime title game (1997, Arizona over Kentucky) as "The Simon Says Championship" game.

Does Jim Nantz really think these lines are good, smart and entertaining?

Billy Packer is good, smart and entertaining. I have no idea why so many people hate him. He's the only announcer willing to point out players' shortcomings. I can't even imagine how anyone could watch a basketball game done by Packer, and one done by Vitale and not think that Packer is by far superior.

Although Papa Poop and I had a good laugh when Packer said Kansas knows about overtime in title games because of the triple OT game in 1957.

A lot of people complained about the lack of exciting games during this tournament. Maybe I'm biased because I view every tournament as my child but I loved this year's Big Dance. I thought it was refreshing to see all four #1s for a change. I thought even though some games didn't go down to the wire, they were enjoyable because the quality of play was high. But I hope everyone viewed this championship game was one for the ages.

Poor Joey Dorsey

This is Why I Hate LeBaTurd

I find Dan LeBatard to be one of the most objectionable and most troubling of this new breed of sportswriters. He wants so desperately to be a TV star that he constantly feels the need to say something controversial so that people will pay attention to him.
This time I think his point was that NBA teams should be wary of Tyler Hansbrough, only because he's white and it's been a long time since a white American college player has had great success in the NBA.

I'm glad Jay Bilas laid the smack down on his ass.

The First Penn State Athlete to Ever Go To the Library

Penn State Police filed charges against Nittany Lions basketball player Stanley Pringle in an incident involving public masturbation in Pattee Library.

Pringle, the team's point guard, sat behind a female student in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with her and began masturbating.

Sports Information Director Brian Siegrist confirmed that charges were filed against Pringle yesterday, but denied Pringle's involvement in the masturbation incident.

A similar incident occurred on March 21 on the second-floor landing of McElwain Hall's main stairwell between 8 and 8:15 p.m, when police said a man entered the building behind the woman and followed her to the stairwell landing where he began to masturbate. A similar description of the man was given in both incidents, police said. No charges have been filed for the McElwain Hall incident.

Update: Nittany Lion basketball player Stanley Pringle told police he was touching his penis but was not masturbating in the Pattee Library stacks.
Pringle told police he has "a bad habit of putting his hand down his pants," and demonstrated for the officer by placing his hand down the front of his sweatpants, according to the complaint.
"Why would I need to masturbate?" he told police. "This is how I chill, ma'am."

He's No Rick Pitino

Rick Pitino's counterpart at Louisville, Jeff Walz, is not quite the slick huckster Pitino is.
Walz coaches the women's team and has a stutter.
He's mostly got the stutter under control except for when he gets really excited.
You might think that a group of girls would be senstive to something like this but they employed a similar tactic that we used on Reissberg, make fun of him til he stops stuttering.
This is the birthday card the team gave Walz.

I'm a Wheel Watcher

Over the course of the campaign, presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain together have spent over $2 million to air televised campaign ads on “Wheel of Fortune.”
This is more than the three have spent on any other individual television program.

Obama has spent the most on “Wheel,” with over $1 million spent so far, followed by Clinton with $815,000 and McCain with $168,000.

Running a close second to “Wheel” is “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” Obama, who received Winfrey’s endorsement last year, has bought an estimated $974,000 in ads, compared to $596,000 for Clinton and $185,000 for McCain.

The biggest recipients of presidential TV ad dollars are the hundreds of local news broadcasts in cities across the country. The three presidential candidates have spent a combined $36.7 million on the local news, with Clinton edging Obama in spending, $17 million to $16 million. McCain has spent almost $4 million on the local news since the start of the campaign.

In additional to “Wheel,” “Winfrey,” and the local news, the programs that Clinton spent the most of her TV advertising money on were morning network news programs: NBC’s “Today Show” and ABC’s “Good Morning America.”

Obama’s top five television programs in terms of ad spending are rounded out by “Today” and the CBS sitcom “Two and a Half Men.”

McCain’s top five progams, aside from “Winfrey” and the local news, were all game shows: “Wheel of Fortune,” “Jeopardy,” and NBC’s “Deal or No Deal.”

A Little Love Is All You Need

A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

The time does not count foreplay, and intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes is "too short."

Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who believe "more of something good is better, and if you really want to satisfy your partner, you should last forever."

The questions were not gender-specific, said Corty. But he said prior research has shown men and women want foreplay and sexual intercourse to last longer.

Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women in the study were armed with stopwatches.)

It's difficult for both older men and young men to make sexual intercourse last much longer, said Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, Maryland.

"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually," Brandon said. "Most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."

Racial Stereotypes Proven By Study

A University of Minnesota study of 10 cities has found that alcohol, especially malt liquor, is more widely available in poor, black neighborhoods.

The study found that poor neighborhoods with high concentrations of African-Americans had significantly greater than average numbers of liquor stores, 40-ounce bottles of malt liquor in coolers, and storefront ads promoting malt liquor.

"It wasn't overly surprising, as I think there's been anecdotal evidence to suggest that," said Rhonda Jones-Webb, the study's principal investigator. "We are one of the first to systematically document that."

Malt liquor is of particular concern, the university researchers said, because of its high alcohol content and the fact that its 40-ounce containers are sold cold for immediate consumption at a low price. The study found the average 40-ounce bottle cost just $1.87, less than a gallon of milk.

"It's cheaper than pot, cheaper than crack," said Horace Small, executive director of the Union of Minority Neighborhoods.

Small said malt liquor sales are a contributing factor to the myriad problems that impoverished communities face. "You're more prone to have a chip on your shoulder when you've got two bottles of that ... in you," he said.

This sure sounds a lot like what Furious was saying in Boyz N the Hood.

Monday, April 07, 2008

The New York Times Gets RickRoll'd

You may remember a few months ago when I introduced Poopheads to the RickRoll.
In case you forgot RickRolling is when you send someone a link, promoting it as something they would really enjoy, but actually the video is Rick Astley singing "Never Gonna Give You Up."

Since then the RickRoll has become a cultural phenomenon, leading to this awesome video.

The New York Times, not quite the trendiest paper, tried to catch on to the trend but evidently didn't do their fact checking.

According to the local station, the above stunt did not actually happen at a basketball game, it was edited to look that way though. Trust me, watch this, the guy who did it is awesome.

And then there's this, the best RickRoll ever.

Baseball is Poop

Welcome to the Big Leagues Son
Reds starter Johnny Cueto had one of the most impressive major league debuts I can remember, giving up only 1 hit (a home run) and striking out 10 in 7 innings against the Diamondbacks. I have the feeling this is going to be the start of the great career, and the resurgence of the Reds who have a lot of young talent.

Who Needs Carpenter and Mulder?
Through six starts the St. Louis Cardinals rotation of Kyle Lohse, Adam Wainwright, Brad Thompson, Braden Looper and Todd Wellemeyer is 5-0 with a 0.96 ERA.

D-U-N, Done!
The Detroit Tigers, a chic World Series pick, are done. I know 0-6 doesn't seem like a lot in the scope of a long baseball season but no team that started 0-6 has ever won the World Series and only 2 have made the playoffs. I don't know what the problem with the team is and I think they'll figure it out, but 95 wins and World Series title is out of the question at this point.

Where's Mike Curtis When You Need Him?
An unruly fan ran onto the field during a Braves-Pirates game. Since most TV crews have an unwritten rule not to give these fans the attention they seek, the show something else while the fan is being corralled by security. So they showed the announcers and I believe it was Joe Simpson who said that in the old days after a guy ran onto the field his friends would find him in the parking lot looking as if he got run over by a truck.

A fan also ran onto the field during an Orioles game and Gary Thorne called him an idiot. The other announcer then said something about "this guy" and Gary Thorne corrected him, "idiot!"

And this woman ran out onto the field at a Blue Jays game.

Interesting to Try And Interesting to Watch
Bobby Cox pulled a Davey Johnson move using relief pitcher Chris Resop in the outfield during a game against the Pirates. Resop started the 10th with a walk, a sacrifice bunt and another walk. Then he moved to left field while Royce Ring came in to strike out Adam LaRoche. Resop then came back out to the mound, while Ring exited the game and Gregor Blanco went into left. Resop gave up a run-scoring (game losing) single to Xavier Nady.

I Guess the Ivy Doesn't Grow In Until The Summer
Ryan Braun tries to make a catch against a wallful of dead ivy.

Cool Picture of the Week
Jhonny Peralta breaks his bat.

Bonus Cool Picture
A good look at Barry Zito's circle change.

SCZA Can Have His Cake And Eat It Too

New details are emerging from SCZAfest XXX. Evidently, Mrs. SCZA has seen too many episodes of "Ace of Cakes" on the Food Network. She reportedly dropped $200 on a chocolate cake in the shape of Mr. Met.

The feet were the most delicious part

Melo's Son Can Have His Cake and Eat it Too

A run-in with the law almost spoiled Carmelo Anthony's son, Kiyan's 1st birthday party.

A Littleton police officer pulled over a 2006 Dodge Magnum for running a stop sign near the Aspen Grove shopping center. The officer made contact with the driver in front of Champps restaurant, 7301 S. Santa Fe Drive.

The driver of the car reportedly apologized to the officer for running the stop sign, stating, "Yeah, sorry, I just left Melo's house."

The officer determined the driver, 46-year-old Daniel Young, had his license suspended due to multiple outstanding charges, including failure to pay child support.

As the officer placed handcuffs on Young, Young asked, "Can I ask one favor? Can I have someone come and pick up this cake? It is supposed to go to Carmelo Anthony's kid's birthday party."

According to police reports, the officer impounded Young's car and "released the cake" to a friend of Anthony's.

Denver Nuggets director of media relations Eric Sebastian said, "That's his (Anthony's) own deal, it has nothing to do with the Nuggets." But he did say that Young is Melo's personal chef.

Kiyan and Mama Lala at the All-Star Game

Gummy Bears, Bouncing Here and There and Everywhere

Memphis guard Derrick Rose didn't meet with the media on Sunday because of a stomach ailment, presumably he had the shits and didn't want to start taking questions only to have to run off to the can.

But Chris Douglas-Roberts blamed the problem on Rose's diet:

"He eats Gummy Bears and Starburst for breakfast, and Twizzlers and Honey Buns for dinner. That's why his stomach hurts," Douglas-Roberts said. "We tell Derrick the whole year, 'Stop eating so many Gummy Bears and Sour Straws.' But he can't. Nobody eats Gummy Bears more than him."

Gummy Bears has to be the only candy that ever got spun off into a TV show right?

Sunday, April 06, 2008

My New Look For Spring

As always, on Opening Day, I decided to shave my winter beard, but this time I decided to keep this awesome mustache.

Looks Like We Can Get That Gun Away From Him Now

Actor Charlton Heston died at the age of 84.
He had been suffering with Alzheimer's Disease for several years.
I wished for him a much more peaceful ending, I thought he would have liked to go out by an assassin's bullet or maybe by one of his own guns, accidentally misfiring.

In my ongoing effort to eulogize famous people with a clip of their least known work I tried to find a clip of Heston's cameo as "Good Actor" in Wayne's World 2. But I couldn't find it, hopefully someone will post it today and if they do I'll post it here.

Update: I knew someone would come through: