Unintelligent Design

Your brain is protected by your skull.
Your heart is protected by your breastbone.
Your lungs are protected by your ribs.
And your testicles are just hanging there.

Why Adolf Hitler is a Hot Topic Today

I was more than a little distressed this morning when I saw the trending topics on yahoo.com. There in the number two spot was Adolf Hitler.
Turns out there is Hitler news. How does a guy who died 65 years ago make news?

Adolf Hitler, while in jail, asked Mercedes-Benz for a loan to buy one of their limousines until his royalties for "Mein Kampf" came through, a letter shows.
Hitler wrote the letter in 1924 while imprisoned for his role in Nazi party's failed attempt to seize power in Munich, Germany.
While in jail, Hitler wrote "Mein Kampf," his blueprint for eventually taking power in Germany. In a letter to a Munich Mercedes-Benz dealer, he requested a loan against expected royalties from the book.
"But the hardest thing for me at the moment lies in the fact that the biggest payment for my work is not expected until the middle of December," the September 1924 letter said.
"So I am compelled to ask for a loan or an advance. Naturally something in the order of several thousand marks would be a big help."
Hitler was released in December 1924. It is unknown whether the Munich dealership did any business with him.
The letter was found at a flea market and authenticated by the Bavarian State Archive in Munich.
It is expected to bring several thousand dollars when it is auctioned in July.

And isn't that the most disturbing part? Someone is going to pay thousands of dollars for this. I think the Holocaust Museum in DC should buy it then charge $5 to watch the bonfire in which they burn it.

World's Smallest Mother

Stacey Herald is 2-feet, 4-inches tall, and her new son will already be half her size when he is born.

The 35-year-old from Dry Ridge, Ky., was told by doctors that a baby would grow so large inside her tiny body it could eventually crush her organs, strangling her from the inside out.

But she has already defied the odds by having two healthy daughters.

"The doctors all told me that I would die,” she said. “They begged me not to have a baby. Even my mother said, 'You know you won't survive right?'"

However, Herald and her husband, Will, insist their kids are a gift from God.

Herald suffers from osteogenesis imperfecta, which causes brittle bones and underdeveloped lungs. The condition stunted her growth and forces her to use a wheelchair.

She’s currently 30 weeks pregnant and admits that it’s getting tougher to move around.

Sammy Sosa is White

A shocking new picture of Sammy Sosa shows the slugger's skin has dramtically whitened since his baseball career ended.
Several possible explanations: vitaligo, some kind of condition caused by steroid use or perhaps he's bleaching his skin like Michael Jackson.



One theory ruled out, bad lighting. His wife looks the same in both pictures:




"It's a bleaching cream that I apply before going to bed and whitens my skin some," Sosa said during the "Primer Impacto" program at the Univision Spanish network.

"It's a cream that I have, that I use to soften [my skin], but has bleached me some. I'm not a racist, I live my life happily," said a smiling Sosa during the interview.

Why Drunk Drivers Survive Crashes

It's been an often quoted adage that a drunk driver is more likely to survive a crash than sober people. Now there's proof this is not just an urban legend.

"Trauma patients who were drunk before they were injured were more likely to survive than sober trauma patients, U.S. researchers have found. Another recent study had a similar finding.
The latest study of 7,985 trauma patients found that 7% of sober patients died compared to 1% of intoxicated patients. All of the patients were of similar age and had similar injuries.

The findings appear in the October issue of the journal American Surgeon.

"This study is not encouraging the use of alcohol," principal investigator Dr. Christian de Virgilio of the Los Angeles Biomedical Research Institute at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, said in a news release. "It is seeking to further explore earlier studies that had found alcohol may improve the body's response to severe injuries. If alcohol is proven to improve the body's response to traumatic injury, it could lead to treatments that help patients survive and recover more quickly."

It's believed that alcohol may reduce the risk of death by changing the body's chemical response to injury.

A study published in the September issue of the Archives of Surgery looked at more than 38,000 head trauma patients and found that the death rate was 7.7% for those who'd consumed alcohol and 9.7% for those who hadn't had alcohol."

Man or Lady?

South African sprinting sensation Caster Semenya is too good.
After blowing away the field in the 800m race, opponents questioned Semenya's performance.

Now Semenya is being tested -- not for drugs -- for a dick.

Or as one article put it "to see if she meets the qualifications to compete as a female."

I think the qualifications to compete as a female should be the presence of a vagina.

The questions about Semenya may seem insulting but they're pretty sensible when you consider she was a virtual unknown in January, and now she is the world champion. She also has some physical characteristics of a man (facial structure and build) and a deeper voice than most 18-year old girls.

There's a few scenarios possible here:
1) she's a girl, and this whole thing is very embarrassing for her

That's an open and shut scenario, apologize and let her run

2) she's a dude given female hormones so she can compete as a lady, which is obvious cheating

This seems most likely to me, and would probably show up on tests as having an unnaturally high level of testosterone

3) she was born as some kind of unusual but not entirely unheard of intersexed person

This is most intriguing, and perhaps entirely possible. She could have what is called "ambiguous genitalia," which is usually an enlarged clitoris. Then DNA tests would have to determine if she has XX or XY chromosomes and if that should be the determining factor in deciding her gender and qualifications for competition.

I Guess Her Time Was Up

An Italian woman who escaped death when she arrived too late at Rio airport to catch Air France flight 447 to Paris ran out of luck when she was killed in a car crash on her way home.

Johanna Ganthaler, 65, died when the car driven by her husband Kurt swerved across the expressway near Kufstein, Austria, and was hit by a truck.

After the couple from Merano, Italy, missed the Rio-Paris flight, they were put on a plane to Munich instead. They only learned that the flight had plummeted into the ocean with the loss of all 228 on board when they arrived in Germany.

The Ganthalers, who had just retired from running an appliance store, had spent a month with their son and daughter-in-law in Brazil, where Ms. Ganthaler celebrated her 65th birthday.

As any faithful Poophead knows, I often contemplate the strange vagaries of the universe. Can't really understand why Johanna Ganthaler would miss her flight, saving her life only to die a short time later.
But I guess when your ticket is punched it's going to happen one way or another.

South Carolina's in a Tizzy, Where is He?

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (no relation to Fred and Lamont) disappeared for 4 days and no one knew where he was. Not his wife, nor the lieutenant governor nor police.
He stormed off after an argument Thursday, and ditched his security detail.
All weekend no one knew where he was, though his wife Jenny says she wasn’t worried.
Now Sanford's staff says he was just camping in the Appalachians.
I believe he was camping --- WITH A HOOKER!

Update: After witnesses reporting seeing him at Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta, Sanford admitted he actually went to Buenos Aires because he wanted to do something exotic. I guarantee this story involves a hooker in some way, but the poor thing is probably dead by now.

I'm Calling Bullshit on This

An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress she said had almost $1 million inside, setting off a frantic search through tons of garbage at a number of landfill sites on Wednesday. The woman told The Associated Press that she bought her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise present on Monday — and threw out the old one.

The next day, she said, she remembered that she had hidden her life savings inside the old mattress. "I woke up in the morning screaming, when it hit me what happened," said the Tel Aviv woman, who asked not to be identified.

She went to look for the mattress, but it had already been hauled away by garbage collectors, she said. Searches at three different landfill sites turned up nothing.

She said the money was in U.S. dollars and Israeli shekels. She refused to say how she acquired such a large sum. "It was all my money in the world," she said. There was no way to verify her claims, and she refused to disclose key details.

The woman said the money had been stashed in a mattress because she had had "traumatic experiences with banks" in the past. She would not elaborate.

There is absolutely no way this is true. Even the AP doesn't believe this liar. It all comes down to Occam's Razor. The simplest explanation is the best.

So let's compare our two scenarios:

In one case you have an old woman with a million dollars in the mattress.
Her daughter decided to buy her a new mattress.
Instead of just telling her, she snuck into her house like a thief in the night and threw out her old mattress. Where was the elderly woman during this?
And the mother forgot all about her million dollars until the morning, when conveniently the garbagemen came and threw out her million dollar mattress.

Or

You have a woman telling a lie. Not sure why she would lie about it unless she owed someone money, but this story is just too unbelievable to be true.

Horny Vegan

A Colorado woman had her desired vanity plate rejected by the Department of Motor Vehicles because it could "be misinterpreted."
Kathy Coffman-Lee requested the plate "ILVTOFU" she says it's because she loves tofu, but it could also be read as "I love to eff you" or "I love to fuck."

I Want To See These Pictures

A woman in England received a huge surprise five weeks after doctors told her she was pregnant – she found out she has two reproductive systems and her baby is growing in one of her two wombs.
Lindsay Hasaj is one of very few women who are known to have that kind of anatomy, but doctors are confident she will have a normal pregnancy.
Her condition, known as uterus didelphys, means she has two wombs, two cervixes and two vaginas. It also means her chances of getting pregnant were cut in half.
The condition can make the wombs and cervixes weaker than having one of each, but with regular check-ups, she should be fine.
She never knew she had the condition because she is normal externally, her vagina has one opening, but it divides into two internally.
I guess this is the female version of diphallic terata.

Something About That Mouse Pisses People Off

One restaurant is getting reputation nationwide as a place where wild brawls frequently break out, often between drunken customers.

The last place you'd think I was talking about is Chuck E. Cheese, but police have been called to break up 12 fights, some of them physical, at the child-oriented pizza parlor since January 2007. And that's only at the Brookfield, Wisconsin location.

The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child's birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant's music stage, where a robotic singing chicken and the chain's namesake mouse perform.

Fights among guests are an issue for all restaurants, but security experts say they pose a particular problem for Chuck E. Cheese's, since it is designed to be a haven for children. Law-enforcement officials say alcohol, loud noise, thick crowds and the high emotions of children's birthday parties make the restaurants more prone to disputes than other family entertainment venues.



The environment also brings out what security experts call the "mama-bear instinct." A Chuck E. Cheese's can take on some of the dynamics of the animal kingdom, where beasts rush to protect their young when they sense a threat.

Amid pressure from local politicians, some Chuck E. Cheese's have stopped serving alcohol and added security guards who carry pistols.

CEC has been tightening safety rules to deter fighting in other ways. In Milwaukee, the store posted a sign outlining a dress code that prohibits what it calls "gang-style apparel." That location also implemented a code of conduct that prohibits knives, chains, screwdrivers and glass cutters. CEC is considering systemwide signs at popular games such a machine that draws digital pictures of customers to let people know there may be a time or token limit. Making the machines more expensive to use is another option, but Mr. Huston says that is "inconsistent with our value message."

In Pennsylvania, Susquehanna Township police are searching for suspects involved in a Nov. 9 altercation at a Chuck E. Cheese's outside Harrisburg. The police department gets called to respond to disputes at the restaurant as many as 15 times a year, Police Chief Robert Martin says.

This most recent assault, described in police reports, occurred after a woman in her 30s approached a 6-year-old boy who was playing a videogame. When the boy went to insert more tokens to continue playing, the woman grabbed the tokens out of his hand and told him to stop hogging the game. The boy went and got his 26-year-old mother, who walked over to the woman. The woman began screaming at the boy's mother, and another suspect, a man in his 30s, grabbed the mother by the throat and pushed her against the videogame machine. CEC employees had to pull the man off the mother. Both the man and the woman fled the scene.

In Toledo, Ohio, four women were charged with disorderly conduct after a melee erupted at a Chuck E. Cheese's there last year. According to police reports, it started when parents complained to the restaurant manager that children were loitering at the drawing machine. The children were Barbie Clifton's daughters, then 14 and 10 years old. Ms. Clifton had come out of the bathroom when she saw a woman yelling at her daughters and her friend.

That touched off a fight between more than 10 people, in which participants punched and screamed at each other. One woman removed the red rope that marks the entrance queue and handed it to another woman, who swung the metal clip attached to it at others involved in the incident.

Reginold Bell, a 45-year-old Milwaukee social worker, says that a child "assaulted" his 8-year-old son at a local Chuck E. Cheese's while the boy was playing in the Sky Tubes, a jungle gym with slides. Mr. Bell confronted the man who appeared to be the child's father, setting off an argument in which the man "used some vulgar vernacular," says Mr. Bell, who reported the incident to the police department.

Mister, I mean Mrs. Mayor

Stu Rasmussen is once again the mayor of Silverton, Oregon. Rasmuessen previously served two terms as mayor, but came back for another term to vanquish his rival, Ken Hector.
And this new Rasmussen regime will have a new look to it. Stu now has breast implants and he wears dresses and 3-inch heels in public.
Because Rasmussen's appearance was no secret, the campaign was dominated by policy issues.
"I've blackmail-proofed myself," Rasmussen said.
"I am a dude," he said. "I am a heterosexual male who appears to be a female."
Looking at this picture, I'd have to disagree.

Even EZE Didn't Do This

There's a famous story of EZE's termination from Burger King. It involves a customer asking for extra pickles (policy says that means 4, instead of the standard 2) then complaining that wasn't enough. EZE then picked up a handful of pickles and put them on the burger. The customer complained to the manager who documented the incident, counted 24 pickles in total, and fired EZE.
But EZE looks like Employee of the Week compared to this guy.
Timothy Tackett aka Mr. Unst@bl3 is a former Burger King employee after taking a bath in the restaurant's utility sink. The sign said "employees must wash..."

Funny or Douchey?

A man in Illinois loves beer so much he wants to be buried in a beer can.
Bill Bramanti ordered a special coffin and had it painted to look like a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
No word on why he likes Pabst Blue Ribbon.
But to make this even cooler, Bramanti hosted a party and filled his casket with ice and beer.
He might as well enjoy the casket while he still can.

Was "Body Parts" Right?

I'm sure many of you remember the classic horror flick "Body Parts" about a man who lost his arm in a car accident and got a new arm, from the body of a serial killer. But the arm still had some of the killer in it and would act violently, all on its own.

I wonder if the same thing happened to Sonny Graham. 12 years ago Graham was near death from congestive heart failure. But he got a heart transplant from Terry Cottle, 33, whose heart came available when he shot himself.

Now, Graham died exactly the same way as his benefactor. He was found with a single shotgun wound to the throat.

Is it possible that the heart forced these men into suicide? Could the heart's beats have delivered a message of self-loathing and despair that led anyone who had this heart to bring himself to an untimely end?

Or maybe it was this:

A couple years after he got Cottle's heart, Graham reached out to his widow, Cheryl to thank her for the organ and the new lease on life it gave him.

In 2004, Graham and Cherly Cottle got married.

Dancing Prisoners Can't Touch This

The Dancing Prisoners at the Cebu Prison in the Phillippines who first caught our attention with their "Thriller" video, are back with more madcap hijinks. This time it's a medley of the Soulja Boy and the Hammer Dance.

The Things We Do for Love

Imagine you're driving down the street and you see a car coming the other way, a guy is lying on the roof, reaching in the window and punching the driver, while she is smashing into other cars because the airbag is deployed.

HAVERSTRAW, N.Y. - A man fighting with his girlfriend clung to a car roof and punched her through the window as she drove more than a mile on a busy road, hitting several other cars, police said.

Both were hurt in the brawl Saturday and were arrested, police Sgt. Manfredo Figueroa said.

The man, William Kremer, apparently jumped onto the car and held on as girlfriend Stacey Sperrazza wove along Route 202 with the car's air bag inflated, police said. She eventually stopped the car and hit him with it, police said.

Sperrazza, 37, of Stony Point, was arrested on a felony charge of reckless endangerment. Kremer, 42, of Haverstraw, was arrested on a misdemeanor assault charge.

No telephone numbers could be found for the two. Police had no immediate information early Sunday on whether they had lawyers.

He was treated for a foot injury, she for eye and head wounds, police said.

Whores Get Man Fired, Sort Of

Neil Jorgensen used to work at Riverside Casino and Golf Resort in Riverside, Iowa.
The casino advertises that it offers and experience just like Las Vegas.
So when Jorgensen got a free night's stay to celebrate his first year of employment, he wanted the Vegas treatment.
After he got trashed at dinner he went back to his room and called the front desk and asked them to send him a prostitute.
When they refused he called the adjacent resort and asked them to get him a hooker.
Eventually hotel workers went to his room to tell him to stop asking for whores.
He answered the door naked.
He got fired the next day.
A judge denied him unemployment benefits.

Last Night a Dominatrix Saved My Life

A dominatrix at The Nutcracker Suite, an S&M club on East 33rd Street in New York City, saved a man's life by calling 911 after finding a hooded man turning blue in a dungeon room as he hung by his arms.
He was also wearing nipple clamps, a dog collar and women's high-heeled shoes, and his hands were cuffed behind his back.
His particular fetish was to have himself trussed up and left alone. The mistress he was working with, Taki Noriko, told police that she elevated him just enough to cause discomfort but that his feet were still on the floor.
She said that she checked on him every 20 minutes. At first, he was fine, but when she went in a second time, she found that his foot had slipped out of the shoe and was turning blue.
On its Web site, the club lists candle-wax dripping, electrostimulation, bondage, role play and flogging among its services. Sessions cost $185 dollars an hour and are by appointment only.
The man, Robert Benjamin spent 3 days in a coma but will be all right. He also promised to come clean to his wife and never engage in dangerous sex again.