Friday, August 18, 2006

The Curse of the Poop?

For some reason the Concierge believes that my attendance at a Mets game is a jinx. I dispute this notion. I proffer my 5-2 last year and my 3-3 record so far this year. The three wins I saw were all memorable; Opening Day, Milledge scoring on sac fly to beat the Giants in 12th inning of a rain delayed double header and Wright's walkoff against the Yankees.
The curse will be put to the test this week as I attend three games on this homestand.
Tonight versus the Rockies, Wednesday against my boy Pooh Holes, and Sunday against the Phillies with the Concierge's crew. I don't think he's going that day though.

I See Dead People, and Other Drug Induced Hallucinations

Teen actor Haley Joel Osment faces up to six months in jail on charges of driving drunk and possessing marijuana.
The 18-year-old actor was charged Thursday with misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence, marijuana possession and driving under the influence with the special allegation of having a blood-alcohol content of .15 percent or higher. He also faces a vehicle code infraction of being under the age of 21 and driving with a blood-alcohol level of .05 or greater.
Osment's blood-alcohol level after the July 20 crash, in which he suffered a broken rib last month when his car struck a mailbox, was measured at .16, twice the legal limit.

baby all growns up

Doing it For the Kids

Ron Artest decided to take in the Detroit Tigers game last night. Last time Artest was in the stands at a Detroit sporting even, things didn't go as well. Mingling with the fans was better this time.

give me that foul ball or I'll Artest your ass

Artest was in Detroit to fulfill his community service by speaking with kids.

Artest told the kids, "Someone started trouble and I ended it. I would always encourage you to protect yourself but in certain situations, if you can avoid them, avoid them."
The youth center he spoke at was named for my favorite TV judge, Judge Mathis.

What Are We Talking Bout?

For the first time in two weeks, Owens practised with the Cowboys, even though he says he's still not 100 per cent recovered from a hamstring problem. "The most important thing is my health. I know what is the big picture. This is practice," Owens said. "I don't think anybody can complain about practice better than Allen Iverson. I don't want to get into his speech. I've always wanted to be out here."

That's a good extended version. 25 times he says the word practice.

Matt Can Help You Get a Mortgage

Hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons is trying to sell his 10-bedroom New Jersey mansion for more than $20 million.

The sprawling, 35,000-square-foot house includes a great room with 35-foot ceilings, a dining room with gold-leaf ceiling, a gym and a "Versace room," which features a Gianni Versace-designed bed and a 16-foot-high fireplace in the shape of a lion's mouth. The house, built in 1996 by apparel executive Arnold Simon, includes a movie theater built by Mr. Simon and modeled after the Loews Pitkin, an old Brooklyn, N.Y., picture palace, complete with popcorn and candy counters, a brightly lit marquee and a wax figure selling tickets. The four-acre property, with indoor and outdoor pools, a waterfall and a koi pond, is about 25 miles north of Manhattan in Saddle River, a Bergen County suburb that was home to Richard Nixon in his later years.

Mr. Simmons and his wife, fashion designer and former model Kimora Lee Simmons, bought the estate in 2001 from Mr. Simon, whose apparel company at the time held the license to Mr. Simmons's Baby Phat clothing line. Mr. Simmons, the founder of Def Jam Records, isn't listing the property publicly and hasn't set a precise asking price. Broker Lisa Maysonet of Prudential Douglas Elliman said the couple want "$20 million-plus" for the property. The couple declined to comment, though a representative said they plan to buy a house closer to, but not in, New York City.

Separately, Mr. Simmons has reached a deal to sell his 7,000-square-foot penthouse in lower Manhattan, said Ms. Maysonet, who represents that listing as well. The apartment -- on Liberty Street, adjacent to Ground Zero -- has been in contract once before, in 2001, when Mr. Simmons agreed to sell it to rapper Sean "Diddy" Combs for a reported $5 million. That deal fell through, however, after the building was damaged on Sept. 11. The apartment went back on the market a year ago at $12 million, but the asking price has fallen multiple times since then, most recently to $6.9 million. Ms. Maysonet wouldn't disclose the sale price or prospective buyer.

Unfortunately, Kimora is not included in the listing price

Thursday, August 17, 2006

So Much For My Happy Ending

Law enforcement officials yesterday announced the arrest of 31 people who they said were involved in running an international prostitution ring that operated at least 19 brothels in the Northeast.
Officials said they also took 67 young Korean women into protective custody, all of whom they believe were brought to the United States illegally and forced to work as prostitutes, victims of human trafficking.
Many of the houses in what officials described as a “network of Korean-owned brothels stretching from Rhode Island to Washington, D.C.,” claimed to be legitimate businesses like massage parlors, health spas and acupuncture clinics.
Among those, they said, were the Crystal Spa on West Avenue in Norwalk, Conn., and Cleveland Park Holistic Health on Connecticut Avenue in Washington. In Manhattan, authorities said they found unnamed brothels on West 26th Street and 59th Street.
The brothels catered chiefly to Asian customers who learned about the illicit services through word of mouth, officials said. Some of the houses were making tens of thousands of dollars a month, officials said.
The ring’s recruiters in Korea sought women who wanted to come to the United States, officials said. The women were then helped to travel here with false documents or were helped to be smuggled across the Mexican or Canadian borders.
Drivers carried the women from a point of entry to a brothel, and sometimes moved them between brothels within the network, officials said. Once the women were delivered to a brothel, officials said, managers would typically take away their identification and travel documents and threaten to turn them in to the authorities or hurt their relatives in Korea if they tried to leave. The women were forced to work to pay off tens of thousands of dollars of debt they had accumulated in their travel from Korea, officials said.
Ten brothel owners or managers face broad conspiracy charges that could bring five years in prison, officials said. The transporter and middleman whose cellphone was monitored, identified as Tae Hoon Kim, 39, could face up to 15 years in prison if convicted of money laundering and transporting the women.
The women who worked in the various locations will be interviewed to determine whether they unknowingly entered into prostitution. Victims of human trafficking may be given short-term immigration relief and helped to pursue legal options for longer-term immigration status later, said Julie L. Myers, assistant secretary of homeland security for immigration and customs enforcement.
“These are women who have been mentally and physically broken down in every way possible in order to achieve a mental state in which they can no longer fight against their captors or try to escape,” she said. “They are scared of the traffickers — they are also scared of law enforcement. It can take weeks to build enough trust with these victims that they will speak to us.”

The People's Champ

Danika Schroeter (left) was pissed that she finished second in the Canadian downhill mountain biking championships last week.
Before the medal ceremony Schroeter's boyfriend ran up to the podium and asked her to wear a T-shirt, which said, "100 Percent Pure Woman Champ."
We assume that was a reference to the fact that the race's winner, Michelle Dumaresq (center), used to be a man.

that's not your race winner, that's a man baby!

As Seen on CNN

Northwest Airlines has some advice for recently laid off employees, "Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash."
That and 100 other tips were put on the company's employee website.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I've Become What I Despise

I took this silly little quiz to see which NBA player my game is most similar to. I put that I like to rebound, not a good athlete, a team first player, and it came up with Shane Battier!
The good news is my hairline is no longer receding. In fact, as soon as that answer came on the screen my hairline moved two inches closer to my eyebrows.
Love to hear which player you are like, use the comments section to post.


I'm a Douche IV

Of all the birthday wishes I've given on this blog I can believe I forgot one of the most important. Billy!
Sunday was the 7th anniversary of the cake-face incident.
For those of you not familiar with the episode, when Bill turned 21 Coach (R.I.P.) bought him a cake and then smashed it in his face. Oh wait, if I recall, Coach didn't even buy the cake.
Sorry for the belatedness, Bill, hope you had a happy birthday.

Billy sho can dance
Mike was not the cake smasher
Jayhawks booster club

Everybody into the Pool

Think you can dethrone me? Give it your best shot. As you may remember I was the 2005 Matchsticks champion.

Here's how our pool works:
Entry fee is $125. $100 of that goes towards the year end prizes. $17 goes to weekly prizes and $8 goes to site upkeep.
Every week you pick 5 games. 4 games are worth 1 point or 0 points. The other game is your best bet. You get 2 if you get it right, but minus if you are wrong.
You get the weekly prize money if you get all your games right (perfect 6). A lot of times this carries over for a couple weeks. There were 57 people in last year, that will probably grow to around 75 this year.

If you'd like to participate e-mail me.

Just What We Need, More Joe Buck

Fox Sports will turn to play-by-play announcer Joe Buck to host its pregame and postgame shows, as former host James Brown to moves to CBS.
Buck will join co-hosts Terry Bradshaw, Jimmy Johnson and Howie Long for "Fox NFL Sunday" and "The OT" on all but three weeks (the weeks when he's doing playoff baseball games)
Buck also will keep his role as play-by-play announcer for the network's first broadcast team with Troy Aikman and Pam Oliver.
Which of course means that the show will go on the road every week to whichever game Buck is calling.
"These guys (pointing to Bradshaw, Johnson and Long) are the show," Buck said. "I'm just there to tee them up and have some fun."
I heard Buck talking to Dan Patrick yesterday about the art of setting up the analyst. He mentioned something about not trying to be too funny, trying to one up each other with jokes. If he knows this, why doesn't he stop?
That is the number one reason why Pizza Parlor Derek and I detest the team of McCarver-Buck.
We text message each other with particularly bad examples of their horrific attempts at humor.

For instance, earlier this season, Fox caught Jon Papelbon on "Sounds of the Game" talking about his Scrabble prowess.
McCarver said "In Scrabble a W is worth four points and an S only one. But in baseball, to Papelbon, an S is worth a lot more."
At that point Joe Buck urged everyone to turn off their TVs and to go outside.
So maybe he is learning not to delve into the depths of stupidity with McCarver.

Best Joe Buck line ever:
"Someday this group will be performing a medley of their greatest hit." - during the playing of "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba

Worst Joe Buck line ever:
"That's a DISGUSTING act by Randy Moss, and it's unfortunate we had it on our air live!" - when Randy Moss pantomimed mooning the Green Bay crowd

How'd Tony Do?

I didn’t see the debut of my boy Tony Kornheiser on Monday Night Football but the reviews were mixed. The AP liked him, but Joe Theissman not so much.
Kornheiser pointedly talked about how the Vikings were "the most scandal-plagued team in the entire NFL last year."

"I won't go through the whole laundry list, but the sex-boat thing, that was a show-stopper. As they say on `Seinfeld' -- `That's gold, Jerry. That's gold.'"
Kornheiser differed with Theismann about how well wide receiver Randy Moss would do in the coming season. Of course, Theismann thought he'd do better than Kornheiser did.
In the second half, Kornheiser marveled that Brad Johnson, the 37-year-old Vikings QB, thinks he could start another three to four years.
"I'm going to be 80, and he's still going to be in the league," the 58-year-old Kornheiser cracked.

The critique in his own paper, The Washington Post, was much harsher.

Tony Kornheiser played it safe in his "Monday Night Football" announcing debut last night, making few missteps but offering little for the highlight reel. It wasn't exactly clear at times why he was there at all.
Kornheiser mostly spluttered, typically emphasizing the obvious and playing third fiddle to his more experienced mike mates, play-by-play man Mike Tirico and fellow color analyst Joe Theismann.
"You fumble a kickoff on a nationally televised game on the opening kickoff, you want to crawl into a hole!" he offered on the very first play.
"These are not good numbers tonight, are they?" he asked at one point as the passing statistics for Aaron Brooks, the Raiders quarterback, flashed on-screen. Given that Brooks was 0-for-4 passing at the time, the question was either needlessly rhetorical or hopelessly naive.
Kornheiser is the first to admit he's no matinee idol, but he looked oddly washed out under the TV lights (this may explain why ESPN had close-ups of Tirico and Theismann, as well as sideline reporters Michele Tafoya and Suzy Kolber, but not Kornheiser). Some unsolicited advice: Tony, get a tan.

The tan thing was a low blow, Tony is undergoing treatment for skin cancer,

Leading up to the game, Tony was downplaying himself and he continued the self-deprecation in his Post column.

In critiquing my performance, I think what makes me happiest was that I didn't throw up. (Though if I had, I would have aimed at that putz in Style.) And much to my surprise, I did not sweat through my clothes. In truth, I wasn't nearly as nervous as I thought I would be. The first time I heard my voice on the air, I was actually reassured, especially because the words didn't come out in Mandarin.

That Putz in Style is presumably a reference to Paul Farhi, the Post writer responsible for the harsh rebuke.

Celeb Sighting

Met Stephon Marbury today. He was promoting his new shoe, the Starbury, available at Steve & Barry's stores for $14.98.
His mission is to make a shoe that young kids in the ghetto can afford. He was really polite and really well spoken. He was eating his breakfast but was very polite and answered questions and even chatted about the daycare he uses for his kids. He didn't bring an entourage, one guy with him, plus a representative from Steve & Barry's. In case you've never heard of it (I hadn't) Steve & Barry's is an athletic goods store that sells stuff for $9.98 and below. These sneakers will be the most expensive thing in the store. Steve and Barry were 2 UPenn grads who thought stuff was overpriced.
Marbury will wear on the court the exact same shoe you can buy in the store for $14.98. No modifications. If he forgets his sneakers he can buy a new pair at the Manhattan Mall (one block from the Garden). He said "I may be out of luck though, they may be all sold out."
I like the idea behind this and hope it works. He seems really committed to rehabing his image.

my new best friend

TallSkott and I Have Been Doing This For Years

Companies get cute, namely with ticker symbols

Shakespeare asked "what's in a name?" but some investors are pondering what's in a ticker symbol.
Motorcycle maker Harley-Davidson started trading by its new stock symbol "HOG" Tuesday, dropping its more pedestrian previous symbol: HDI.
The new symbol celebrates the term HOG, a common nickname for the chrome-covered motorcycles and an acronym for a million-member-strong owners club, Harley Owners Group, that the company formed in 1983.
Other companies have also used stock symbols to:

•Stick in investors' heads. Cedar Fair, which runs several amusement parks, decided to be FUN when going public 1987, says spokeswoman Stacy Frole. "It's easy to remember," she says. "Being in amusement parks, we're in the business of providing fun."

Investors might not associate Premium Standard Farms' name with pork, but the symbol PORK is a big giveaway. Olympic Steel could have just been another steel company and trade by OLYM, but instead, it played with the Olympic theme and opted for ZEUS when it went public in 1994, says spokeswoman Jill Lettl.

•Broadcast the company's culture. Southwest Airlines' symbol, LUV, harkens back to 1975 when the airline's shares first traded, says spokeswoman Beth Harbin. A love theme permeated every aspect of the company, she says, ranging from snacks called love potions and love bites to "attractive flight attendants with short skirts," she says. "Love was incorporated into our culture."

•Reinforce the company's brand or business. Anheuser-Busch promotes is beer with its symbol: BUD. "BUD was the obvious choice for a crisp, clean and refreshing ticker symbol," says CFO W. Randolph Baker in an e-mailed response.

Symbols can also highlight a company's industry. VCA Antech, an animal health care provider, barks by the symbol WOOF (my personal favorite); shoe seller Shoe Pavilion trades by SHOE; Pizza Hut holding company Yum Brands is YUM; Chili's operator Brinkers is EAT; and satellite TV company EchoStar is DISH.

A clever symbol may be fun, but it won't influence investors, says Hugh Johnson of Johnson Illington Advisors. "It's interesting. It's entertaining. But not much more than that," he says.

Being too cute with symbols can backfire. Mary Magnani of video game maker Majesco wishes the company never changed its symbol from MJES to COOL in April 2005. The stock has fallen 85% since, and the symbol is an easy joke for investors and analysts. "The name has come back to haunt us," Magnani says.

Poop on a Plane

Working with snakes can be more hazardous than you thought -- but it's not their bite that's the problem.
"It's the poop," Jules Sylvester, head animal trainer for the new Hollywood movie "Snakes on a Plane" said on Monday at a news conference to publicize the film.
"They will poop everywhere," he added.
But when snakes are on a movie set, everyone behaves, Sylvester said.
"It's ideal for the director," he said.

Thank God For Fake Tits

An Israeli woman's breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hizbollah rocket attack.
Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24-year-old's heart.
"She was saved from death," said a spokesman for Nahariya Hospital in northern Israel.

What a breast implant looks like before it goes in the stripper and smacks you in the face

Her Slave 4 U Video Was Much Hotter

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Back By Popular Demand

Of all the posts I've made on this blog (nearly 1500) few have captured the imaginations, sped the blood pressure and shrunk the pants of our reeadership the way the Jessica Biel post did.
Several of you came up to me and said things like "damn that bitch fine, ain't she" or "I never knew she showed nipple, what magazine were those pics in?" or "I'd like to stick in her ass." Experienced Poop readers can guess who said that last one.
I decided to reprise the lovely Ms. Biel with some photos of her from the new issue of Vanity Fair.

A beauty even when you can't see a reflection of her nipple or thong in the mirror
can I come in, I'm all wet
Damn, that's a nice booty

Is Statesboro Near Atlanta?

For the second time in about a month, a story first seen at Georgia Derek's blog has appeared on CNN a few days later.
First, it was those hysterical monkeys who swept through the Most Trusted Name in News.
Now they did a story on the phone marketing campaign for "Snakes on a Plane."

Reverend Gonna Get Hurt

Redskins running back Clinton Portis is playing a new character this preseason, benchwarmer.
Portis will be out for the preseason and maybe the first game of the regular season after dislocating his shoulder against the Bengals.
The irony is, the injury happened on a vicious tackle he made after a Mark Brunell interception.
The season hasn't even started and already Brunell is torpedoeing the offense with his interceptions.

Damn, this fuckin sucks
Look away Erin, it's too painful

Suggs To Be a Jet Fan

A day after the Jets thought they'd solved their running back problems, they had to send Lee Suggs back to the Browns, as if they were my grandmother and Suggs were tepid soup.
Suggs failed his physical (please note the article's correct usage of myriad -- no need for the word of), and now Derrick Strait (the antithesis of Pizza Parlor Derek's favorite player) was sent back to the Jets.

It's Hard Enough Getting Diesel to Do One

This is a trick we like to call treatnose. Diesel balances a treat on his nose. On my command (ok), he flips it off his nose and into his mouth. His success rate is about 51%.

This was a segment on some Japanese game show. But not my favorite Japanese game show, Screw Big, Dumb American. At least I hope they don't do this to Brody when Georgia Derek is not around.

Lo Duca Does It Again

Apparently Paul Lo Duca has a chick in every city. A new 19 year-old with long brown hair came out today to say she was his Philly girl.

"I guess Paul likes young girls and has one in every city - I must be his Philly chick," said Christina Alisio.

When asked how he is in bed, she said "He's all right but below what I expected."

She first met him at the horse-race betting parlor where she works as a teller, she said he was betting $300 on a horse race. The Marlins were in Philadelphia to play the Phillies last year.

Her co-worker passed her his cellphone number and whispered with a wink that he wanted her to call him.
"He thinks you're cute," she said the worker told her.
"I thought it was a joke. I didn't believe it, but I called the number," she said.

He invited her to a ballgame and that she went with two friends. Afterward, he invited the trio back to his room in the Westin hotel.

When her friends left, Lo Duca had sex with her.
Alisio said they had "quick sex" a couple of other times that year and then enjoyed several more trysts this year, the last time in mid-June.

A rep for Lo Duca last night denied the player's alleged trysts with Alisio ever occurred.

"The last one didn't happen, and this one didn't either," said the spokesman, who commented before hearing the details of the latest allegations and without running them by Lo Duca. "We can't comment to things that aren't factual . . . The things coming out are absolutely wrong. . . . It's her [Alisio's] one chance to be in The New York Post," added the rep, asking that his name not be used.

Monday, August 14, 2006

I Have a Dream

And Matt Fox is going to help me achieve it.

Minor League Baseball

While in Maine we caught a minor league game in Portland. The Portland Sea Dogs vs. the Harrisburg Senators. The Sea Dogs are the AA affiliate of the Red Sox and the Senators are affiliated with the Nationals. The Mets AA team, Binghamton Mets, is in their league.

We saw a good game, well-pitched (4-3) as a 9th inning comeback against Senators closer Dan Kolb (not that Dan Kolb, I swear he's a different guy than the one on the Brewers) fell short.
It was Portland's 10th straight loss, a streak that has since been snapped.

Both pitchers (Beltran Perez and Frank Brooks for Portland) were very impressive.

Former Mets farmhand Prentice Redman batted cleanup for Harrisburg.

Other than the pitchers I was impressed with a big, tall outfielder for Harrisburg named Cristian Guerrero. He tripled and homered in this game.

I also enjoyed watching Harrisburg's first baseman Josh Whitesell. A few weeks prior I had gotten a blue refractor version of his Bowman Chrome rookie card. That may not mean anything to you but put it this way, if Whitesell ever makes the majors that card is $25 easy.

We had great seats, right behind home plate, even though it was a sellout crowd of about 7,000. Portland switched their affiliation from the Marlins to the Red Sox a few years back and obviously that has been a big boon to the club.

Saw several Papelbon #58 jersey shirts in the crowd.

Prices were cheaper than at Shea, but not by much. A chicken sandwich still costs $5.50.

Sea Dog Biscuit ice cream treats were $2.50 (I think) and were worth every penny. If they ever have "Bark at the Park" Night there I won't be able to take Diesel because the vendors are constantly screaming Sea Dog BISCUIT!. He'd go nuts.

Ambience was good, as it always is for a minor league game. Every half inning was some kind of prize or promotion. In fact, almost every game is a promotional night. We went on Hawaiian Night. Didn't quite get the tie-in. All they did was have a few people in Hawaiian shirts. And Slugger, the mascot wore a grass skirt.

New Stars

The new contestants for the third season of "Dancing With the Stars" have been revealed and there is not a Stacy Keibler in the bunch.

This year's cast:
Harry Hamlin, husband of Lisa Rinna
Jerry Springer
Tucker Carlson, the right wing talk-show host who used to be on Crossfire when Jon Stewart called him a dick
Vivica Fox, big booty
Joey Lawrence, whoa
Emmitt Smith
Shanna Moakler, she's the hottest one
Mario Lopez
Willa Ford, she's hot too
Monique Coleman, from High School Musical
Sara Evans, country music singer

500 Versions of Living on a Prayer

American Idol auditions are taking place at Continental Airlines Arena at Paul'sFriendLands in East Rutheford, New Jersey today. Meadow is my friend.
Idol wannabes had to preregister over the weekend, then come back at 5am Monday morning. Local police estimate 16,000 people showed up.
Each contestant has 20 seconds to sing for producers. Only those people that are impressive (good or bad) move on to see Randy, Paula and Simon.
New Jersey Transit was actually running extra buses from the Port Authority to the Meadowlands to help these people.

The Way Life Should Be

We had a great time in Maine.
It was nice to have a week off and not worry about anything (including this blog).
Each day we woke up, went to the beach, read books, came back for lunch, went back to the beach and at 5pm we'd get the dog and bring him to the beach for ocean swimming.
We ate lobsters, we ate candy, we ate french fries.
Now I am tan, relaxed and ready to get back to work.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Lo Duca Affair

Here is my attempt to sort out the sordid Paul Lo Duca affair:

Let's start at the beginning.

Paul Lo Duca met his wife, Sonia (nee Flores) in the mid-90s while he was playing for the minor-league San Antonio Missions. She worked as a waitress at a Hooters in San Antonio.

She posed for the Hooters chain's 1999 and 2000 calendars - including in an open Western shirt and chaps.

The couple married in 2000 at the Little Church of the West in Las Vegas.

In 2001, she posed for Playboy's "Sexy Girl Next Door" spread, which appeared only on the magazine's Web site. She also appeared in the Playboy video, Lusty Latin Ladies (NSFW).

In 2004 the couple had a child, a daughter named Bella Lucia.

Last week Sonia filed for divorce claiming that their marriage has "become insupportable" because of "adultery."

Her mother never knew her daughter had posed nude until she was contacted by the New York Post about the story. Don't think she wanted her mother to see these Not Safe for Work pictures.

Turns out Lo Duca was stepping out with a 19-year old named Krista Guterman. She claimed to have no idea who he was when she met him at a bar in April. But on her myspace page (which I still can't find) she apparently claimed to be obsessed with the Mets.

Her friends at SUNY-Oneonta claim she is a serial man-stealer who once had sex in a room at a party with the door open. The whore!

To make matters worse for Lo Duca, this whole mess also begat a look into his gambling. Lo Duca is friends with jockey Mike Smith and admits to gambling on horses, legally. The Mets and Major League Baseball apparently investigated him gambling and found nothing wrong.