Saturday, January 13, 2007

Last Year on the Poop

The day the Poop was launched

JJ Redick, the picture is so funny

Hot wives tournament

Understanding Bride

Tara Chauffe understands she'll have some competition on her wedding day. She's getting married in New Orleans Saturday evening, the same time the Saints will be playing the Philadelphia Eagles in the Superdome. Chauffe says she's already had a dozen guests who've canceled because of the playoff game.

She knows they have tickets and she's trying to be sympathetic.

But two bridesmaids and a groomsman who have seats for the game are giving them up to attend the wedding.

Chauffe and husband-to-be Corey Boland say they'll probably have a TV at the reception, so guests can track the Saint's fortunes.

But they'll turn the sound down so there won't be any cheering interrupting their first dance.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Get It While It's Hot

Here is the sex tape of Daniela Ciccarelli. The video can be safe for work but if any John Q. Laws stick their snouts around your computer the subterfuge won't last.
Doesn't get good until about halfway through when the music stops.
Watch immediately because it will probably be taken down soon.

Christina Aguilera is a Slut

Christina Aguilera performed on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin Eve.

Her first song was "Candyman". Here is a sampling of the lyrics:
"He makes my panties drop."
"He makes my cherry pop."
"He's got a real big (coy smile)"

Normally I wouldn't object to her singing songs about me, but I was watching this with Ma and Pa Poop.

Playoff Predictions

BALTIMORE RAVENS -4 indianapolis colts
Peyton Manning had his normal playoff meltdown (3 INTs) last week but the Chiefs were so bad that the Colts overcame that. Now he goes up against a tough defense which is threatening to kick Joseph Addai’s ass. If they can take away his running game I think Manning will have to drop back and get his drilled by the Ravens linebackers. One game also shouldn’t mask the Colts’ problems on defense against the run. The Ravens have a good offensive line, a good running back and a great fullback (one of my favorite players) Ovie Mughelli.

Chance the Ravens win the game: 78%
Chance the Ravens cover the spread: 60% (3% chance of push)

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS -5 philadelphia eagles
I really like the Saints, and they are a great story but I don’t think their team is built for the playoffs. They have a good running attack but a lot of their offense comes from the passing game which will be facing a good, if banged up secondary. In the playoffs defense becomes more important and I don’t think the Saints have a good one. I also think the Eagles are on a roll right now and everything they do is working.

Chance the Saints win the game: 45%
Chance the Saints cover the spread: 30% (2% chance of a push)

CHICAGO BEARS -8 ½ seattle seahawks
Seattle got lucky to beat the Cowboys at home last week. Their luck is about to run out. These two teams played earlier this year and the Bears won 37-6. Either the Seahawks got pissed off and figured some things out, or the Bears are much better. I’ll go with the latter. Rex Grossman is the only person standing in between the Bears and a huge blowout. And remember, he doesn’t have terrible games every week, some weeks he plays well.

Chance the Bears win the game: 98%
Chance the Bears cover the spread: 71% (0 chance of a push)

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS -4 ½ new england patriots
San Diego has a much better team and the New England has a much better coaching staff. Here is what’s going to happen. San Diego will be leading 20-14 late in the fourth quarter. San Diego will have a 3rd and 6 around midfield. Schottenheimer will call a conservative running play which will come up short of the first down. They’ll punt and Brady will drive up the field for the winning touchdown.

Chance the Chargers win the game: 49%
Chance the Chargers cover the spread: 29%

Thursday, January 11, 2007

We Saved a Dog

Last night as we were driving on 208 Mrs. Poop spotted an animal running alongside the road. She pulled over and we saw it was a dog. I jumped out grabbed Diesel's leash (he was in the back of the car) and the dog ran onto the roadway. He was standing in the middle of two lanes and cars were skidding to a stop like in the movies. I called him "come here boy" but as he got close to me he took off running. We followed him but someone else stopped also and the dog turn around and ran the other way. He ended up going down the entrance ramp so we couldn't follow him. We tried to drive around to where he might have gone but couldn't find him. Hopefully we coaxed him back towards his home where his owners found him (he had a collar and presumably tags).

Welcome Posh

David Beckham is coming to America to play for a U.S. Major League Soccer team, the Los Angeles Galaxy.
"I've played now for two of the biggest clubs in the world. I've played at the highest level for 15 years, and now I think I need another challenge," Beckham said.
Outside the United States, Beckham is not only the world's biggest sports star, but also a certified sex symbol. His moves off the field are followed just as closely as his moves on the field.
He is married to former Spice Girl Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham, and the couple is a favorite target of the British paparazzi.
And companies know that. He's received $20 million a year to push Pepsi and Adidas, and his Adidas cleats fetch $450 a pair.

Who knows if this will help save soccer in America, but Reissberg's dad and Michael's nephew sure hope it will.

Maybe with his demotion from the UK team he will apply for U.S. citizenship and play for the U.S. in the 2010 World Cup at age 35.

Bonds is a Rat

Barry Bonds, already under investigation for lying under oath about his steroid use, failed a test under Major League Baseball's amphetamine policy last season and then initially blamed it on a teammate.
Under the policy players are not publicly identified for a first positive test.
But according to several sources, when first informed by the MLB Players Association of the positive test, Bonds attributed it to a substance he had taken from the locker of teammate Mark Sweeney. Sources did not identify the drug in question but characterized it as a serious stimulant.
When asked last night whether Bonds had an explanation for why he failed the test or if he wanted to issue a denial, Bonds' agent, Jeff Borris, said, "I have no comment on that."
Bonds, who has long defended himself against steroid accusations by saying he "never failed a drug test," did not appeal his positive test, but was immediately subject to an additional six drug tests by MLB over the next six months.
Sweeney declined comment, but his agent, Barry Axelrod, told The News, "Mark was made aware of the fact that his name had been brought up, but he did not give Barry Bonds anything and there was nothing he could have given Barry Bonds."
Bonds was not punished for his transgression, but instead was referred to treatment and counseling. While amphetamines are considered performance-enhancing drugs, they are treated differently than steroids under baseball's drug policy. Had Bonds failed a steroid test, he would have been suspended for 50 games, but under baseball's amphetamine policy no one is publicly identified or suspended until a second positive, which would result in a 25-game suspension. A player is suspended for 80 games for a third positive.
The policy covers a range of stimulants, including the ubiquitous "greenies," or Dexedrine. Benzedrine, ephedrine and the stimulants Ritalin and Adderall, which are used to treat attention-deficit disorder, are among the substances on the policy.
Sources said Sweeney, a first baseman/outfielder, first heard about the test when Gene Orza, the chief operating officer of the players association, called to say the player's name had been dragged into the controversy.
Orza told Sweeney that if he had anything troublesome in his locker, he should remove it and that he should not be sharing substances with other players. Sweeney told Orza that there was nothing in his locker that would be of concern, sources said.
Axelrod would not comment on the conversation between Orza and Sweeney. Orza also refused to comment on what he said to Sweeney or about Bonds' failed test, but added, "I can say unequivocally in my 22 years I've known Barry Bonds he has never blamed anyone for anything."
Sweeney apparently confronted Bonds, and Bonds told him that Orza had misunderstood, that he had not intended to implicate his teammate.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Payback's a Bitch

Six years after Jason Kidd got arrested for throwing a french fry at his wife and smacking her in the face, he is filing for divorce. His grounds: extreme cruelty. He says Joumana physically and emotionally abused him throughout their marriage including threatening to file false domestic violence complaints against him.

Kidd says Joumana also:

-tried to make him look bad in front of the children by talking trash about his career
-spilled paint on his beloved golf clubs.
-used T.J. to "sneak into" the team's locker room to rifle through his belongings and dig up dirt on him.
-she swiped his cellphone sat courtside at a game and openly taunted him with "personal insults" (she waved his phone at him and punched in numbers from his personal address book as she screamed at him).
-she sat on the hood of his car and refused to budge, preventing him from getting to practice, other times she's laid down in front of his car to prevent him from leaving
-she installed tracking devices on all of his vehicles and computers to trace where he's been and whom he's been talking to

I wonder if he's going to request custody of the giant fake titties in the divorce...I'm sure he paid for them...he deserves at least one

Song of the Week

Gimme Some Mo - Busta Rhymes
I fell and bumped my head
Special request from Billy

Jeter - Biel Update

We previously told you that Derek Jeter was banging Jessica Biel. Now we have photographic proof (two of them on the beach together) and boy are we glad we do.

GREAT ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jet skiing?
they're acting like they don't know each other
The Concierge must love her parabola

YouTube Shut Down in Brazil

Brazilian supermodel Daniela Ciccarelli was caught on tape fucking her boyfriend in the ocean. The video was posted on Youtube and google video but has since been taken down. She sued them and got Youtube shut down in Brazil.

I saw the video but couldn't post it due to blogger's problems, and now it's gone.
Basically they were wading in the ocean and she was giving him a standing lap dance, then she put her hands behind her and started touching him. Then they go in deeper water and can be seen in a seated position. Then they get up and he puts seaweed over his crotch and they walk back to the beach.

P.S. Daniela used to date soccer star Ronaldo

Last Year on the Poop

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits!

The Program discussion gets lively.

Those Were the Days

When I received this Sports Illustrated cover in the mail I decided I had to order the hat, ball and special book to go with it.

Melo is special

To do so, I extended my subscription by 3 years. On top of the time remaining, I remarked to Mrs. Poop that I "signed up for Sports Illustrated until I die."

I didn't mean that literally, God.

I was just joking.

My SI subscription is up.

Could it really be four years ago that I went to Madison Square Garden and cursed "this freshman" who couldn't hit free throws against Memphis?

Has it been four years since I taped (before DVRs) the game when SU beat Pitt and the fans charged the court four times?

Four years since I ran for two hours on the treadmill because Melo was leading a stirring comeback against Rutgers?

Four years since the first round game against Manhattan was interrupted by the shock and awe phase of the War in Iraq?

Four years since Jeremy McNeil swatted everything to lead a comeback against Oklahoma State?

Four years since that fateful trip to Albany (too bad I didn't have a blog back then) to see SU advance to the Final Four?

Has it really been four years since a snowstorm (in April? it doesn't even snow in January) canceled our conversion class so we could watch the game with Bill and Mike and throw pretzels in the air when Warrick blocked that shot.

Four years sure seems like a long time, but it sure goes pretty fast.

We Should All Quit Our Jobs

Fortune Magazine recently named Google the best company to work for. The following things are perks offered by Google at its headquarters in Mountain View, California aka Google-plex:

-A gourmet cafeteria which is FREE (some new female employees gain the Google 15)

-Car washes, which are FREE (plus a $5,000 stipend to buy a hybrid car)

-Haircuts which are FREE

-$500 for takeout food when you have a baby

-A gym, with exercises classes and massages, all for FREE

-You can do your laundry for FREE with detergent which is of course FREE

-And drop off your dry cleaning and have it done for FREE

-Bring your pet to work (Google’s Dog Policy: “Aggressive behavior, such as growling, barking, chasing or biting, is unacceptable and the pet will have to be taken home on the first complaint. Employees with allergic reactions to dogs may ask the owner to refrain from bringing the dog to the workplace if the presence of the dogs makes it difficult for the allergic employee to work. Pets with evidence of fleas will be asked to go home until the problem has been alleviated. Owners are responsible for cleaning up after pets at all times."

-Game room with pool, foosball and other games, as well as an outdoor pool and a beach volleyball court

-They also pay people a lot, give bonuses for a variety of special reasons and have founders’ awards which can be a million dollars and are given to people who come up with good ideas

-And of course there’s stock options

One of My Favorite Jokes

A former high school basketball coach faces 39 charges for allegedly hitting male students in the groin, showing them pornography and pouring water on his players then driving them to games in the winter with the windows rolled down.

Gregory Lynn Burr, 28, face charges ranging from sexual assault on a child by one in a position of trust to child abuse resulting in serious bodily injury, according to court documents reviewed by The Gazette of Colorado Springs. One of the students claims to have had scrotal surgery because of Burr's alleged assault.

A student in documents said Burr would ask them, "What is the capital of Thailand?" When they would answer "Bangkok," he would hit them in the groin.

This is better than when Nails, Master Bates and the Concierge were molested by a registered sex offender.

When Push Comes to Shove

Arrogant Bill Belichick got mad over the press attention given to his cold shoulder of former assistant Eric Mangini so he made sure he got a hug in after their playoff game.

In his defense he did later apologize to the photographer whom he had shoved aside like a sack of potatoes.
But there is no way he would have hugged the Man-Genius had the Jets won that game.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Wilma is Worried

Wilma McNabb is worried about her baby boy. While Donovan has been hurt, Jeff Garcia has caught fire and led the Eagles into the divisional playoffs against the Saints.
On her blog she said she is rooting for the Eagles but is worried about how the fans will treat Dononvan if they should go to or even with the Super Bowl with Jeff Garcia.

Eagles fans went crazy over this, because Eagles fans are dicks.
And Wilma is right, because Eagles fans are dicks.
Eagles fans booed McNabb on draft day because they wanted Ricky Williams. Now they were proven wrong, but instead of admitting it, they find a reason to criticize Donovan even though he has led the team to a Super Bowl and three other NFC title games.

Last Year on the Poop

My favorite post of all-time

I predicted the Jets would hire the Man-genius

We broke the investigation into that lying author who scammed Oprah

Senile Old JoePa said something stupid

Pizza Parlor Derek put on a horsehead

Speed Kills

Florida dominated The Ohio State University Buckeyes in the BCS title game. Once again, the much maligned BCS produced a real national champion. A team that earned it on the field -- ALL SEASON -- not just over a two or three week span.
To be honest, I thought Florida was going to get killed but they didn't; because they had faster players and better coaches.
After Ted Ginn returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown, he hurt his ankle during the celebration.
Apparently I wasn't the only one who thought OSU had it locked up at the point, the whole Ohio State team did too.
But Florida came after them with speed. The spread offense worked to perfection. Ohio State couldn't cover. Every short pass was a 6 or 8 yard gain.
And on defense, Florida kept blitzing and Troy Smith got so rattled he completed only four passes in the whole game. He cost himself a lot of spots in the draft with his inability to handle the pressure.
But the game turned when Jim Tressel panicked. Down 10 points in the second quarter he went for it on 4th and 1 at their own 29 yard line. Yes, they should have been able to get one yard but the risk wasn't worth the potential reward.
If they get it, they have first down at their own 30, not great field position, they still need a long drive to score. If they don't get it, they give up 3 points, which is what happened.
On the next drive the pressure got to Troy Smith, he fumbled and Florida easily scored a touchdown to take a 20 point lead and win the national title.

A few notes:
Florida is the first school to hold the heavyweight and intercontinental belts at the same time. I mean football and basketball titles.

Florida has two quarterbacks. One is slow and likes to throw from the pocket. The other is fast and comes in on running downs. The former is black the latter is white. Down with racial stereotypes.

Congress took the day off to watch or in some cases, go to the game.

I fell asleep during the second quarter and woke up after the game had ended and watched the rest on DVR.

Monday, January 08, 2007


An exciting first round with a few surprises but all four home teams won and I gave you 3 of 4 winners and also went 3 of 4 against the spread.

Indianapolis 23 Kansas City 8
I must say I was shocked that the Colts defense played this well. It would have been surprising for any team to shut down Larry Johnson that way, but for the Colts to do it; that was unfathomable. But it happened. I saw it with my own eyes. First drive, two carries for two yards; three and out. Second drive, one carry for one yard; three and out. And the third drive was the killer. Peyton Manning had his usual breakdown and threw a ball right at Ty Law. Law returned it to the 9, then LJ took it to the 3. But the Chiefs couldn’t punch it in, and then they missed the field goal. And that was that. LJ ended up with only 32 yards. But Manning threw 3 interceptions, continuing his playoff legacy.

Seattle 21 Dallas 20
One of the craziest endings I have ever seen. We can skip the first part of the game because it wasn’t that interesting. The game didn’t pick up until about 8 minutes left in the fourth quarter. That’s when a pass interference penalty gave Seattle the ball at the 1. Looked like a tie game.
Then Alexander got stopped for a 7 yard loss and the Cowboys held and took over on downs. Looked like a Cowboys victory.
Terry Glenn fumbled on the first play, Seattle recovered it in the endzone. Looked like a tie game.
Replay showed that Lofa Tatupu’s foot was on the line when he knocked the ball back in bounds, safety. Looked like Cowboys would pull it off, but they had to free kick it back to Seattle.
Four plays later a great deep ball thrown to Jerramy Stevens gave Seattle the lead. Looked like a Seahawks victory.
The Cowboys ripped off a nice drive and when Julius Jones took it 35 yards to the 11; it looked like a Cowboys victory.
Then came the Jason Witten play. He got a first down inside the 1, no chance for the Seahawks to get the ball back. Looked like a sure Cowboys victory.
After the review, Witten was marked short but it still looked like a Cowboys victory.
The ball is snapped, it’s dropped by Romo. Looks like a Seahawks victory.
But Romo has running room. Looks like Cowboys could win.
Romo gets dragged down. Seahawks win!

New England 37 New York 16
The Jets hung close in this one for most of it; the final score is very misleading. They were even in good position to win it after that long bomb to Cotcherry. But the Patriots hammered back and the game turned on a heads up play by Vince Wilfork who Mrs. Poop earlier in the game derided as a fat shit. Had a thinner player been alert enough to scoop up that backwards lateral, it would have resulted in a touchdown.
That resulted in a field goal; making it a 10 point game. And ending the Jets chances. The last touchdown on the Samuel pick was just to make the gamblers happy.

Philadelphia 23 New York 20
A good back and forth game that featured great play by both little backs; Tiki Barber in his last game ever, and Bryan Westbrook who had a long return touchdown negated by penalty. Speaking of penalties, the Giants shot themselves in the foot again. Jon Runyan committed a blatant penalty that would have set the Eagles back 15 yards but the Giants (not sure if it was Cofield or Robbins) had to knock Runyan down for offsetting penalties. Instead of 1st and 25, it was like the incident never happened and the Eagles went on a touchdown drive to make it 17-10.
The Giants offense then sputtered on three consecutive drives, but a long pass interference penalty gave them a field goal which made it a one score game.
And they got that score despite three straight penalties that set them up for a 1st and 30, which they converted. But the Giants defense couldn’t get off the field and David Akers kicked the game-winning field goal.

Josh Farts in Manhattan

The Office of Emergency Management says there is a pervasive gas odor from Midtown to Battery Park City, and from the Hudson River to the East River. Con Edison is investigating.