Saturday, May 30, 2009

Sportscaster U.

Shaq spending two days at Syracuse University for a boot-camp in sportscasting.
The program was introduced last year for athletes, Eric Snow and Adrian Griffin were in the inaugural graduating class.
This summer a larger class of NBA athletes will take the 2-day course.
Matt Park and Dave Ryan teach the course.
Shaq scored an interview with new SU quarterback Greg Paulus as part of his coursework.
Shaq even sat at the same NCC newsdesk I once sat behind during NEW 564.

Shaq at Syracuse

Friday, May 29, 2009

Paulo's Book Club: "War As They Knew It"

It started with a punch -- and ended with a punch.

"War as They Knew It: Woody Hayes, Bo Schembechler and America in a Time of Unrest." by Michael Rosenberg starts with Woody Hayes assaulting one of his own players, and essentially ends when Hayes assaults an opponent.

While purporting to cover the heated football rivalry between The Ohio State University and the University of MIchigan, the changes in America during the late 60s and early 70s and the teacher-student relationship between Hayes and Bo Schembechler, Hayes is such a powerful figure he steals the show.

Having been born a few months before his last game, I only came to know Hayes as a crazed codger who threw tantrums and acted like a boor (sort of Bobby Knight before Bobby Knight).

But this book reveals a much deeper side to Hayes. Hayes was tough, but he loved his players. And he was far from a meathead laser-focused on football. Hayes was a history buff, with an encylopedic knowledge of war and U.S. Presidents. He was also a huge fan of Ralph Waldo Emerson (my favorite transcendentalist author), owning nearly all of his published works. Rosenberg generously sprinkles the wisdom of Emerson throughout the text.

Hayes's antics are the best part of the book. And that's why at times it seems like a biography of Hayes with some other characters thrown in.

Though a powerful character in his own right. Bo Schembechler takes a backseat to Hayes in this book. In fact, he's the third most interesting aspect of the Michigan story.

Most of the focus in the book goes to Michigan's student body's political activism. Michigan is cast as the progressive school with sit-ins and protests while Ohio State is the old stodgy school wanting to remain in the 40s.

But there's also Athletic Director Don Canham who created the famous Big M logo and ushered in a new era of marketing for college sports.

There's a raft of interesting characters mentioned, Bill Ayers, Bobby Knight, Presidents Nixon and Ford and even Dick Vitale is mentioned.

But there's also the football. Each game in the Ten Year War is described in detail and all the dramatics surrounding football blend prefectly with all the dramatics at these schools and in the country during the time when these two great coaches went head-to-head.

Born 7 Minutes Apart, Conceived 10 Minutes Apart

"Out of all the people in America and all the people in the world, this had to happen to me."
-Mia Washington lamenting the fact that her twin sons have different daddies.

Washington began notice that her 11-month old twins, Justin and Jordan didn't quite look alike. When she had them tested the results came back showing there was a nearly impossible chance that the boys had the same daddy.

Then Washington thought back to that night when she cheated on her boyfriend, James Harrison, with another man.
Amazingly Harrison chose to stay with Washington and will raise his kid, and the other guy's as his own.

Authorities say the this is so rare that there are only a handful of known cases across the globe.

According to doctors, if a woman has more than one sexual partner while she is ovulating, there's a miniscule chance that different sperm cells can fertilise two separate eggs. It's called heteropaternal superfecundation.

Dr Chris Dreiling, from the Paediatric Association of Dallas, told Fox News: 'Because sperm cells take a while to travel and eggs take a while to travel there can be an overlap.'

The couple is now coping with the aftermath of the DNA bombshell and plan to tell the twins when they're old enough to understand.

'It was the weirdest thing to think that two little babies could have grown in my stomach together and been born seven minutes apart but yet have different fathers.

'Five months ago we found out that I was pregnant again and our new baby is due to arrive in the autumn."

Can't wait to find out who the daddy is.

Jordan Washington
Justin Washington

Thursday, May 28, 2009

How to Impress the Ladies

Shaving tips from Gillette. This is so funny I will only buy Gillette products from now on.

Just kidding Razar (accidentally misspelled until I realized it was a palindrome then I decided it was cooler this way)!

Baby Detectives

A recent incorrect assumption by Mrs. Tall Skott provides us with a great teaching moment.

Immediately after posting the George Brett Shit Story I texted Tall Skott "read the poop asap."

His comment indicated Mrs. Tall Skott took the urgency of my text to mean Mrs. Poop was pregnant.

I don't blame Mrs. TS for her incorrect assumption. It seems to be a common theme among women -- they always want to be the first one to figure out someone is pregnant.

Mrs. Poop is constantly saying things like "she touched her stomach, women don't call attention to their stomachs unless they're pregnant," "she didn't drink any alcohol," "I think that's a maternity top" or "she farted, pregnant women are gassy."

90% of the time she says this she is wrong, but that other 10% has emboldened her to believe she is the nation's foremost expert at sleuthing out a pregnancy before the pregnant woman is ready to tell the world about it.

And every time a friend tells us she's pregnant before Mrs. Poop predicted it, she always tells me she knew but didn't tell me because she didn't want me to make fun of her.

I said at the beginning that this post would be a teaching moment.

And here's the lesson: girlz is dumb.

Flirty Sanchez

New York Jets new quarterback Mark Sanchez (aka Flirty Sanchez) hasn't thrown an NFL pass yet, but he did make one pass that was received.
Sanchez is now dating Hilary Rhoda, the smoking hot model who appeared with him in a now famous photo shoot for GQ.
The pictures were taken three months ago and the couple has been dating ever since.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Song of the Week

"Bernadette" - The Four Tops
Razor has a Facebook friend who had some very slutty pictures, so I decided to friend her too so I could see the slutty pictures.
Then the slutty-picture friend post this video.
I absolutely love this song and even tried to convince Mrs. Poop to name a female child Bernadette in honor of this song.

"That's why I treasure you and place you high above
Cuz the only joy in life, is to be loved."

Cameron's House

A suburban Chicago home made famous in 1986 movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" is up for sale for $2.3 million.

The 5,300-square-foot Highland Park house was the fictional home of Ferris Bueller's friend, Cameron Frye, played by actor Alan Ruck. In the movie, Frye accidentally sends his father's Ferrari through one of the house's glass walls and into the woods outside.

Sudler Sotheby's International Realtor Meladee Hughes says being in the home is like living in the tree house. She says there's been a lot of interest from buyers already.

Hughes says there's a wall dedicated to the movie in the home's steel and glass pavilion overlooking a ravine. The wall includes behind-the-scenes photographs of Ruck and Matthew Broderick, who plays Bueller.

Cameron Frye's house

This is a pretty sweet house. Check out the real estate listing to see all the photos.

I Pity the Pirates

Mr. T throws out the first pitch at a Cubs-Pirates game, and sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" too.

Here's the video, starts with highlights first, Mr. T comes in about halfway through.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Jose Canseco's MMA Debut

After a couple of failed attempts at boxing, Jose Canseco takes on 7'2" Hong Man Choi, a Korean kickboxer.

Note: The best youtube video of the fight I found happens to be the one with the entire buildup, including walkout. The fight starts about 5 minutes into this clip.

Poor Jose Canseco, the guy is the Woodward and Bernstein of the steroid era yet he mismanaged his finances so poorly that even with two successful books, he still has to get his ass kicked by freakish giants in order to pay the bills.

She Lit the Gas

Patricia Demauro set a new record for longest craps roll. I believe this only applies to U.S. casinos.

She rolled for (get this!) 4 hours and 18 minutes (starting at 8:13pm and ending at 12:31am). She rolled 154 times (holy fucking shit) before sevening out.

The officials at Borgata verified this, otherwise I wouldn't believe.

I have had some legendary rolls, the longest of which probably lasted 20 minutes.

The Borgata wouldn't say how much Demauro won, but she only started with $100.

She says this is the only second time she's ever played craps so perhaps she wasn't betting as aggressively as she should have been.

Still, I would say it's almost impossible for her not to have won at least ten grand.

I think if I had been on a similar hot streak I'd be house shopping this morning.

I do have some more questions so I'll be on the lookout for more information on the story.

1) How much money did the casino pay out from that table during her streak?
2) Was anyone stupid enough to leave the table during the roll?
3) Did she ever roll the dice off the table? (As you know, you're guaranteed to seven out on the next roll after the dice hit the floor).
4) How many dolla yos did she play?
5) How many hardway bets did she win?
6) Were people fighting over a place at the table?
7) Did any asshole bet "don't come" the whole time figuring she'd seven eventually?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Baseball is Poop

Welcome Back John Lackey
Angels pitcher John Lackey's season debut lasted only two pitches. The first one sailed behind Rangers second baseman. When the second one plunked Kinsler, umpire Bob Davidson ejected Lackey.
Lackey said he didn't intend to hit Kinsler or send a message, he was just too keyed up for his debut.
Kinsler did hit two homers off the Angels the night before, but other than that there doesn't seem to be a reason why they would be going after Kinsler.
Lackey didn't have to wait a full five days for his spot in the rotation, he started 2 days later.

How To Get the Other Team's Best Hitter Out of the Lineup
Tampa Bay Rays third baseman and best player, Evan Longoria didn't get to play in a game against the Indians, even though he was listed in the starting lineup.
Rays manager Joe Maddon intended to have Longoria DH so he could rest, but he mistakenly put a 5 next to his name in the lineup card.
After Ben Zobrist took the field at third during the first inning, Indians manager Eric Wedge brought the mistake to the attention of the umpires who ruled the Rays should lose their right to have a designated hitter, forcing pitcher Andy Sonnanstine to bat -- in the third spot in the lineup.
Longoria was not lost for the game though, he could have replaced Zobrist at that point.

Kaz Matsui Doesn't Need Help Making Outs
Houston Astros outfielder Michael Bourn singled to lead off the game against the Brewers, and that's when Ned Yost emerged from the dugout to protest. The official lineup card had Matsui first, so he was called out. The single was taken off the board but Bourn got to hit again. He walked, and eventually scored.

Yankee Haters Mourn
Things were going so well for us Yankee haters, A-Rod was juiced, disgraced and injured. The team's high-priced free agents were underperforming, and Joe Girardi was about to get fired. But now they Yankees have won 10 out of 11 -- four walkoff wins -- including 3 in a row. An entire series won in their final at bat. And more amazingly, they would have needed to double that to break the major league record for most consecutive walkoff wins. The 1986 Houston Astros won 5 games in a row on walkoffs, including 2 against the New York Mets.

Games Might End Before Midnight
Major League Baseball has announced that starting this year World Series games will begin before 8pm Eastern Time. What a long overdue change this is. Pretty much anyone who has a job (with normal hours) and lives on the East Coast cannot stay up for weekday World Series games anymore. Also this might give kids a chance to see at least a few innings. Brilliant move by Major League Baseball, once I hope bears itself out in the ratings.

The Next Big Thing
With the first pick in the 2009 Major League Baseball Amateur Draft the Washington Nationals will select Stephen Strasburg, pitcher, San Diego State University.
For being so shitty last year the Nats get the chance to draft the guy some are calling the best pitching prospect ever. Strasburg can hit 102 mph on the gun and he is 13-0 with a 1.24 ERA and 180 strikeouts this season. The only things possibly interfering with his destiny is a back injury (believed to be minor) and his contract demands (believed to be major). Strasburg is represented by hardass agent Scott Boras who reportedly wants to get his client a major league worthy deal -- somewhere around $50 million for the 6 years before he goes to arbitration. And the Nationals have almost no choice but to draft him, and pay him that money. And if they do he could be up with the big club by September, which is why I think anyone in a fantasy keeper league should pick Strasburg up right now.