Friday, February 15, 2008

Antonio Pierce Concentrates on the Game

While Antonio Pierce was in Arizona for the Super Bowl he didn't get someone to care for his dogs.
Two pitbulls escaped from his house in Monroe Township, New Jersey.
Animal control was notified of two loose dogs and when they were rounded up they were found to belong to Pierce.
One dog was in good health but the other dog was underweight and sick with a respiratory disease.
When he got back the dogs were turned back over to Pierce who is currently boarding them in a kennel.
Both dogs are doing ok, but Pierce was given a summons for animal neglect for failing to provide proper food, water and veterinarian care.

Why Typos Are So Bad

A typo made by federal prosecutors in court documents started reports that Barry Bonds had failed a drug test in November 2001, a couple months after hitting his record 73rd home run.
The documents should have said November 2000, a test the government had already alleged Bonds failed.

Last in Alphabetical Order, First in Our Hearts

I am not upset with the Redskins hiring Jim Zorn to replace Joe Gibbs as head coach.
While I find the manner in which the search was conducted to be a bit peculiar, I am not ready to judge Zorn yet.
I realize he is inexperienced but that doesn't necessarily mean he is bad.
Zorn has to accomplish two things, and I'm willing to give him two years to see how well he does it.
First, he must develop Jason Campbell into the quarterback who harnesses his talent and becomes a guy who can make that crucial play on third down to extend a drive, or scores a touchdown instead of settling for a field goal.
Second, he needs to exhibit reasonable game management skills in regards to play calling, clock management and the 2-point conversion.
If he can do those two things that the strange way in which he was hired will be meaningless.
And I could care less that he mistakenly said the Redskins team colors were "maroon and black." They're burgundy and gold, Chase knows that, I know that, and you know that. Jim Zorn knows it now and though it was embarrassing that he didn't know it then, I couldn't care less about it.

Kneel before Zorn

Jane Fonda is Not a Big Fan of George Carlin

Instead of going to Braves games with Ted Turner maybe Jane Fonda should have stayed home and listened to Carlin's landmark routine "7 words you can't say on television."
If she had she would have known that you can't say "cunt" on "The Today Show" to Meredith Viera.



Yes, this did air live (not bleeped), but only on the East Coast.
The first secret to making your love last is never call your wife that word.

I still thought it was funnier when Mike Francesa did it.

Volleyball's Greatest Hits



In honor of jusTON, a video of volleyball players getting smashed in the face.

Tyree Caught the Ball With His Helmet...and the Hands of Jesus

David Tyree speaks at a gathering of religious youth, called Greater New York BattleCry at the IZOD Center. You don't need to watch the whole thing to get the point, but you do need to see what Tyree is wearing.

Last Night a Dominatrix Saved My Life

A dominatrix at The Nutcracker Suite, an S&M club on East 33rd Street in New York City, saved a man's life by calling 911 after finding a hooded man turning blue in a dungeon room as he hung by his arms.
He was also wearing nipple clamps, a dog collar and women's high-heeled shoes, and his hands were cuffed behind his back.
His particular fetish was to have himself trussed up and left alone. The mistress he was working with, Taki Noriko, told police that she elevated him just enough to cause discomfort but that his feet were still on the floor.
She said that she checked on him every 20 minutes. At first, he was fine, but when she went in a second time, she found that his foot had slipped out of the shoe and was turning blue.
On its Web site, the club lists candle-wax dripping, electrostimulation, bondage, role play and flogging among its services. Sessions cost $185 dollars an hour and are by appointment only.
The man, Robert Benjamin spent 3 days in a coma but will be all right. He also promised to come clean to his wife and never engage in dangerous sex again.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Alysha Shouldn't Share the Spotlight

Because Patriots cheerleader Alysha Castonguay is too hot to share the spotlight, and because Maxim posted some sexy new pictures, and because she is slowly creeping into my top 10 hottest women alive, enjoy these new pictures.

boobs
ass
abs
legs
eyes...you thought I was gonna say boobs again

Welcome Back

The writer's strike is over and your favorite TV shows are coming back. Here is a pretty comprehensive list of what is coming back and when. The second number in the parentheses is the number of new episodes that show has remaining this season.

CBS
How I Met Your Mother (back March 17, 9 episodes)
The Big Bang Theory (March 17, 9)
Two and a Half Men (March 17, 9)
CSI: Miami (March 24, 8)
Cold Case (March 30, 5)
Criminal Minds (April 2, 7)
CSI: NY (April 2, 7)
CSI (April 3, 6)
Without a Trace (April 3, 6)
Ghost Whisperer (April 4, 6)
Numb3rs (April 4, 6)
NCIS (April 8, 7)
Moonlight (April 11, 4)
Rules of Engagement (April 14, 6)
Shark (TBA, 4)

NBC
My Name Is Earl (April 3, 9)
30 Rock (April 10, 5)
The Office (April 10, 6)
ER (April 10, 6)
Scrubs (April 10, 5 left)
Law & Order: SVU (April 15, 5)
Law & Order (April 23, 5)
Medium (keeps airing; 6 left plus 7 additional)
Heroes (fall, 22 or more)
Chuck (fall, 13)
Life (fall, 13)

ABC
Boston Legal (early April, 8)
Desperate Housewives (mid-April, 7)
Ugly Betty (late April, 5)
Grey's Anatomy (late April, 5)
Brothers & Sisters (late April, 5)
Lost (keeps airing; 6 left plus 5 additional)
Private Practice (fall, 13)
Pushing Daisies (fall, 13)
Dirty Sexy Money (fall, 13)

Fox
Bones (April 14; 4 left plus 2 additional)
24 (January 2009, 24)

CW
The Game (March, 8)
Gossip Girl (late April, 5)
Smallville (late April, 5)
Supernatural (May, 4)
One Tree Hill (keeps airing, 5 left plus 6 additional)
Everybody Hates Chris (keeps airing, 12 left)

Whom Should We Believe?

A few thoughts on the Brian McNamee - Roger Clemens showdown on Capitol Hill:

1) Most of the Congressmen were complete retards. I'm shocked that the Republicans (mostly) were so awestruck by Clemens that they attacked McNamee. Yes, McNamee lied in the past and had holes in his story but some of them didn't even question Clemens at all.

2) In most situations where you have two witnesses with completely opposite accounts, both of whom insist they are telling the truth, the best way to determine whose account is accurate, is to see whose report is corroborated by the other evidence. Andy Pettitte, Chuck Knoblauch and even Debbie Clemens to some extent corroborate what McNamee said.

3) There was too much talk about Clemens's ass. First, it was a report that Mike Stanton made fun of Clemens for bleeding through his pants after getting a shot in the ass, prompting McNamee to start carrying band-aids. Then there was the stuff about the abcess on his ass, which one Congressman took to an outside physician who said the mass was likely an abcess and unlikely to be from B-12.

4) But the key thing many people are focusing on is the nanny. The account of the party at Jose Canseco's house is the one area where everyone (McNamee, Clemens, Canseco and the nanny) all seem to have different recollections. But McNamee remembered that the nanny was wearing a peach bikini, which led me to think she was a young hot nanny. But then I found out she quit working for the Clemens family when she became a grandmother. Either way, the nanny is important because before turning her contact info over to the committee, Clemens and his team contacted her, leading the Congressmen to think that Clemens may have tampered with her, coercing her into altering her testimony.

5) Misremember actually is a word.

6) Don't tell anything to Andy Pettitte that you don't want his wife to know about. He tells her everything.

Scammed by Performance Enhancing Drugs

All of baseball's home run records have been tainted by steroids, now the taint has leaked over to the players' wives.
This picture of Debbie Clemens scammed me. I remember looking at it and thinking damn, she's 39 years old (in 2003 when the picture was taken), and she has 4 kids, and she's a fuckin MILF.
But like her husband Debbie Clemens was using HGH to enhance her performance, and her other stuff.

Canine Showdown

Mrs. Poop and I have been locked in a fierce argument the past two days over which dog is better looking Uno or Rufus.

Uno is the 2008 Westminster Best in Show, shown here eating his congratulatory meal at Sardi's.



Uno poses with his trophy

Rufus won Westminster back in 2006 and also enjoyed the winner's meal at Sardi's.





So which dog is better looking, Rufus or Uno?

Knockout

It has become popular among my friends to call me a pessimist everytime I make a realistic point about one of my favorite teams not being as good as everyone else thinks.
So when I wrote a few weeks ago that this year's Syracuse team would miss the tournament, it didn't take long for Pizza Parlor Derek to trot out a bunch of numbers in an effort to prove I was wrong.
But after last night's horrible loss to South Florida, it seems pretty certain that once again, as always, I was right.
First the game, it was the worst SU played all season. They got their doors blown off from the very beginning and once they came back to take a 13-12 lead, USF went on a 20-1 run. Don't be fooled by SU's furious comeback, USF went into the no points offense, but they pretty much had the game under control the whole time. It would have taken a miracle for SU to win that game.
And it will take a miracle for SU to make the NCAA tournament at this point.
Currently SU is 52 in the RPI and their strength of schedule has fallen to 16.
They have 6 games remaining before the Big East tournament starts:
Georgetown, at Louisville, at Notre Dame, Pittsburgh, at Seton Hall, Marquette.
Five of those teams (not Seton Hall) are in the top 26 in RPI, remember SU is 1-6 against top 50 teams this year.
Three of those games are on the road, where SU is 2-4 in conference.
So let's say SU beats Seton Hall and either Pittsburgh or Marquette at home.
That would make them 19-13 heading into the Big East tournament.
I still think they would need one more win, either another of those last 6 or one win in the Big East tournament.
But putting all the numbers aside, the team just isn't very good. They aren't playing well enough to be in the tournament. Whether you blame that on injuries or youth doesn't matter the facts are the facts.
But there is one more fact I need to remind you of, I love this team. I really enjoy watching these young guys play and I hope they will all stick around (though Scoop Jardine has transfer written all over him), because next year, or the year after that (if Greene and Harris hang around), this team is going to be really awesome.

Everyone Wants to Be Bill Simmons

Rob Stone announced the South Florida-Syracuse game. He is friends with Bill Simmons and evidently wants to be just like him.
He described Syracuse as "about as deep as a conversation with Britney Spears."
And when Bob Wenzel said someone was shaking and baking, Stoner asked if he had watched "Talladega Nights" recently.

He said some other idiotic things throughout the game in addition to screwing up the score and the lead margin several times. But after the first ten minutes of the game Chase was crying, SU was getting killed, and I was no longer near the computer to record his musings.

Swimsuit Issue

This year I received my 20th swimsuit issue as a subscriber to Sports Illustrated. I remember the first one which was the 25th anniversary issue with Kathy Ireland on the cover.
As a prepubescent boy in the pre-internet days I was very excited to thumb through the pages and see gorgeous women in swimsuits.
20 years later, I'm a postpubescent (barely) male who has access to tons of pictures of tons of hot women on the internet every day.
So the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue has lost some of its luster.
But it's still cool. My favorite part of the recent issues is the players' wives because they used to be women you would never see any other time. This year though they went with athletes whose wives have been photographed quite a bit.

There is the incredibly hot Carmella Garcia, nee DeCesare who has been featured on The Poop before and posed for Playboy. The reason for her suit covering her midsection is that she was pregnant at the time, she's due in April.

Carmella Garcia in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

Ingrid Vandenbosch, wife of Jeff Gordon is actually a professional model, so it's now surprise that her pictures came out great.



Then there's Michelle Damon who also has been covered here on the Poop.



The fourth athlete's wife featured was Mrs. Melo, LaLa Vazquez, which I found disappointing for two reasons, first she's famous so we already know about her, and second she's not hot.



One player's girlfriend made it into the magazine for another reason. Osi Umenyiora is dating supermodel Selita Ebanks who made the issue on her own merits.



For the past several years, SI has also featured a hot female athlete and this year they chose Danica Patrick.



And for the first time this year SI made the natural connection and got NFL Cheerleaders to pose including former Cheerleaders of the Week, Larisa and Marisa.



Finally a couple of the regular models I really like, Bar Refaeli



And Jessica White.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

How's This For Irony?

Jesus gets struck by lightning.
A 130 foot tall statue of Jesus, made of 700 tons of reinforced concrete which sits atop the 2,296 foot Corcovado mountain overlooking Rio de Janiero was struck by lightning.

Why I No Longer Believe in Karma

A man listed as one of the state's most dangerous sex offenders won $10 million in the Massachusetts lottery.
In January, Daniel Snay paid $20 for a "Billion Dollar Blockbuster" scratch ticket at a suburban convenience store and hit the jackpot.
He picked up the first of 20 annual checks for $500,000 on Jan. 30.
Snay, 56, was convicted several times of indecent assault and battery from 1974 to 1987. Two of the assaults were on a child under the age of 14.
But karma may catch up with his ass and get even.
Snay used to live in Connecticut and because he's a registered sex offender he was required to confirm his address with the state every 90 days.
But he hasn't done so with Connecticut since 2004 because he moved to Massachusetts. His lawyers said he thought he only had to register in the state in which he resided.
And the Massachusetts Lottery Commission said he gambled legally, so he'll probably get to keep the money.

Use Your Illusion

My mom has habit of sending around annoying e-mail forwards. We think this is because she is so new to computers that she's still in the infancy of her computer use, 1996 for the rest of us.
But this time Mama Poop sent out something incredible.
Check out these optical illusions.
Make sure you click on the picture to make it larger.

This picture is not animated. Stare at one spot, and the picture will stop moving, relax your eyes and it starts moving again.



This one blew my fuckin mind. Follow the instructions and I swear you will see a small image floating in the air.

Citifield Progress

Here's the latest look at the progress being made in the construction of CitiField, as of February 12, 2008.




nice mittens douche

Song of the Week

"Court and Spark" - Herbie Hancock featuring Norah Jones
I'm shocked that anyone was shocked that the ancient voters who choose the Grammy Award winners picked the only person they ever heard of, Herbie Hancock.

Rutgers Women Insulted Again

The Rutgers women endured another terrible injustice, being robbed of a victory over Tennessee, on the road.
They had a 1-point lead when Tennessee tried two shots, both misses. Nikki Anosike (it rhymes) grabbed the rebound with about 0.5 seconds on the clock, she landed, jumped and got fouled with only 0.3 seconds coming off the clock.
Clearly the clock stopped at 0.2 and that extra time allowed Tennessee to get fouled.
The subsequent free throws won the game for Tennessee.
This was clearly nefarious clock work not just a simple malfunction. And to make it worse, the chickenshit refs reviewed the last play but didn't reverse because they didn't want to get killed by angry Tennessee fans.
This game was over before the foul was committed and the NCAA should review this game and grant Rutgers a win or at the very least invalidate the results of this game as if it were never even played.



Note: I wanted to post this yesterday but couldn't find the right video to illustrate it. If the above youtube clip doesn't satisfy you try the game highlights from ESPN.

Would You Bang? Kat Von D

She has huge tats, and they're 100% real. She's the star of LA Ink, but would you tattoo her ass?





Love is Blind

Gary Coleman and Shannon Price
He is 40, she is 22
He is 4'8", she is 5'7"
They got married in August but didn't tell anyone because she didn't want to be known only as Mrs. Gary Coleman:

“I wouldn’t want that in a million years. I wouldn’t want you to be known as Gary Coleman’s wife. I hope you do get successful. She’s a great e-Bayer. She’s a fabulous e-Bayer. I hope she gets famous for that.”

Gary Coleman and his wife Shannon Price

The Mortgage Crisis Claims Another Victim

Latrell Sprewell's home is up for foreclosure and his yacht sold at auction to help pay off the $1.3 million he owes on the boat.
Sprewell, who once turned down a three-year, $21 million contract extension saying, "I've got my family to feed," has apparently fallen on tough times.
Citizens Bank, filed a foreclosure suit last week in Milwaukee County for the $405,000 home Sprewell bought in the Milwaukee suburb of River Hills in 1994.
The bank said Sprewell owed $295,138 in outstanding payments plus interest.
Sprewell failed to make his mortgage payments of $2,593 per month from September 2007 to January 2008.
Sprewell hasn't played since he turned down that extension after the 2005-05 season, when he earned $14.6 million.
Last month, Sprewell's 70-foot yacht, named "Milwaukee's Best," was sold at auction for $856,000 to a man from Milwaukee.
It was originally worth about $1.5 million. The bank holding that mortgage, North Fork Bank, asked that it be seized to pay off $1.3 million in debt, meaning Spree still owes $444,000 on a yacht he no longer owns.
Sprewell hadn't made its $10,322 monthly payments on time or maintained the necessary insurance on the boat.
A federal marshal seized the boat last summer in Manitowoc, about 80 miles north of Milwaukee, where it was in storage.
The sale price means the bank is still owed about $500,000, and it said in court filings it plans to go after the rest.

I'm sure Sprewell misses the yacht greatly, and now all he has is the memories of the time he had rough sex with a 21 year old woman on the yacht. Or the time he got into a fight on the yacht and broke his hand.

Memories!

Latrell Sprewell's yacht, HMS Milwaukee's Best

The Champ is Here

Uno the 15 inch or big, beagle was named best in show at the 2008 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.
Uno was judged to be the truest to the standard of his breed which evidently included his irascible behavior as evidenced by his barking and his playful biting of microphones and anything else he could get his teeth on.
Mrs. Poop is an avowed beagle lover who claims to be raised by beagles and says beagles are cuter than black labs.
When Mrs. Poop heard that Uno won, she had a tear in her eye.

Uno, best in show
Uno the beagle laid the smack down on the other dogs especially those bitches the poodles
Uno poses with his trophy
Uno shakes his prodigious ears
Uno bites a microphone

Better Dog Mouth?

Which picture of a dog's mouth is better?
Jacob the Malamute yawning at this year's Westminster dog show
jacob the bored malamute waits for his turn at the westminster dog show

Or a bloodhound getting his teeth checked last year?

a bloodhound gets a dental examination

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Swimsuit Issue Cover

The incredibly hot Marisa Miller adorns the cover of this year's Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

Marisa Miller on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue

The Real Story Behind Pitino's Suit Change

Rick Pitino wore a white suit for the first half of Louisville's upset of Georgetown on Saturday night. He changed at halftime and told Erin Andrews that he spilled Diet Coke on the suit.
But yesterday on PTI he told Tony and Wilbon that he had an underpants problem. The shirt, pants and jacket were all white, but he didn't have proper underpants. He claims that during halftime he noticed that as he was starting to sweat his blue underpants were showing through his suit, and that's the real reason he changed.

Le Gustan Las Latinas

TMZ caught Michael Rapaport checking out Smooth Girl Magazine...the Latina issue.

The Downside of the Puppy Bowl

Trying to build on the success of Animal Planet's wildly popular Super Bowl counterprogramming the Puppy Bowl(8 million people watched at least a little of this year's version), Indianapolis Animal Care and Control held a Puppy Bowl of their own.
The idea was to showcase these adorable pups and find them adoptive families.
It was successful because about 50 puppies were adopted.
But the whole thing backfired when some of the puppies got parovirus. One puppy died, a few others are sick and the organization is offering to take back all the puppies that were adopted during the event.

Why It's Good to be the Youngest

Two adorable little British kids engage in finger biting hijinks. This is one benefit to being the youngest, you can bite someone's finger and all the blame goes to the older one. "Why did you put your finger in his mouth?"

Pedro is a Cock...fighter

Video surfaced of Pedro Martinez and Juan Marichal at a cock fight more than 2 years ago in the Dominican Republic. Pedro and Marichal were given the high honor to release the birds into the ring. Cock fighting is legal and celebrated in the Dominican (as bullfighting is in many countries) but it is still barbaric. While I don't think there should be any punishment for Pedro, I think it's perfectly acceptable for reasonable people to be outraged by his participation at a cockfight.
And the "it's part of the culture" argument doesn't fly with me because in some Middle Eastern countries mistreatment of women is "part of the culture," does that mean we should not be outraged?
I am still a fan of Pedro's (please don't compare this to Michael Vick), but I really hope he will realize there is nothing funny about forcing two animals to fight for your enjoyment.

And You Thought Billy Was Deformed

Check out the freakishly right angled finger of former Cincinnati Bengals offensive lineman Anthony Munoz. He said he thought about getting it fixed, but then decided against it. I guess not being able to wear gloves was not a concern of his.
This is the way is finger normally is, he is not holding it like that, or doing a trick, that's how his finger always looks.

Anthony Munoz's fucked up finger

Note: Billy ignored repeated requests by me for a picture of his deformed finger.

This Should Have Been an Ejection

Alfred Aboya of UCLA smashed in the face by an inbounds pass by Washington's Tim Morris. With time running out on the 5 second count, Morris threw the ball purposely right into Aboya's face in order to get a deflection out of bounds and a new inbounds chance. The fact that he wound up and fired it right into his face show a willful attempt to injure and Morris should have been ejected. This was such a dick thing to do. Why not throw it off his knee or leg?

At Least Something About the Patriots is Perfect

Almost everything about the New England Patriots season became a disappointment when they lost the Super Bowl, I say almost everything because they still have some hot cheerleaders. In anticipation of a Super Bowl victory that never came, a few of them did a photo shoot for Maxim.
One of the cheerleaders featured was Alysha who was the Poop's Cheerleader of the Week last season. She is also the object of SCZA's crush.
Alysha was joined in the photo shoot by Quinn and Lindsey.