Saturday, January 17, 2009

Weekly Picks

My season started off great, then hit a snag, now completely blew up in the playoffs with a 1-7 record. If I had done the pool I'd be out of the money contention. But we're not going to phone in the season. There's three games left and we're going to get them all right.

ARIZONA +3 1/2 philadelphia
I'm going with the Cardinals here because they totally changed their style of play once the playoffs started, and I don't believe it's a fluke. They are running the ball and playing great defense, the formula you need to win in the playoffs. They also have Larry Fitzgerald who has the ability to make that one game-changing play. Getting more than a field goal at home they seem like a good bet.

PITTSBURGH -5 1/2 baltimore

The analysis leading up to this game by the idiotic talking heads has gone like this "it's hard to beat a team three times in a season." How many times have you heard that this week. Problem is, it's complete nonsense. 18 times since 1970 a team has had a chance to sweep 3 games against a division rival in the same season. They did it 11 times, for a 61% winning percentage. Not overwhelming, but certainly not even close to an indicator that the Ravens will win. You know what's hard than beating a team that you already beat twice? Beating a team that already beat you twice. Why? Because they're probably better than you are. Since both teams have great defenses it's the offenses that will make the difference in this one and I'll take Ben Roethlisberger and Willie Parker over Joe Flacco and the Ravens running back committee. I said the same thing when these two teams played last, and true to my prediction Roethlisberger made the play to win the game (albeit a controversial one), and I think he'll do the same thing again. Though admittedly, this spread is larger than I'd like.

Last Week: 0-4 (-1 point)
Season: 45-48 (48 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (11-8)
Home Favorites: 0-3 (10-19)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (4-2)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (20-9)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (10-17)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (1-1)

Friday, January 16, 2009

I Will Never Eat At This Restaurant

Mrs. Poop and I noticed this new restaurant in Ridgewood that looks pretty nice and decided we might like to eat there sometime. But when I drove by and noticed this sign, I declared I would never set foot in this place:

Smith Brother's? What a disgraceful lack of understanding of how to use the possessive form of a word. Obviously, all Poopheads know this sign should say Smith Brothers' Chop House, because it is owned by more than one Smith Brother.
Smith Brother's would only be correct if it was one of the Smith Brothers going out on his own. But in that case it would just be Smith's Chop House.

Methane Found on Mars

But not as much methane as comes out of Uranus.

She's Back

My beloved Minka Kelly (the hottest celebrity going right now, Meadow included) returns tonight as the third season of "Friday Night Lights" begins on NBC.
In case you don't know this part two of one of the greatest experiments in TV history.
FNL was on the verge of cancellation because of bad ratings, despite critical acclaim. But DirecTV swooped in with a deal. It would split costs with NBC in exchange for the rights to air the entire season before the first episode ever aired on NBC.
So the season of FNL beginning tonight on NBC has already been aired to DirecTV subscribers who are asked not issue spoilers.

Minka Kelly as Lyla Garrity
nice socks

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Chase At Playgroup

Mrs. Poop takes Chase to a playgroup every Wednesday and this week Mem went along and shot video.

Chase asks Mem to pick him up, or bup or dup:

Chase steals a kiss:

Chase gets poked in the eye:

Chase and his friends sit in the parachute:

Poop Exclusive: Cockpit Recorder From US Airways Flight 1549

The Poop has obtained the cockpit voice recorder from US Airways Flight 1549 which landed safely in the Hudson River after birds flew into the engines.

Pilot Chesley Sullenberger: I'm going to land this plane in the Hudson River.
Control Tower: Surely you can't be serious.
Sullenberger: I am serious and don't call me Shirley.

If you don't get that joke, click here.

Pilot saves 155 people by landing plane in the river
ain't dat some shit

This Looks Like the Logo for That Fancy Italian Place

The Mets unveiled the new uniform patch they'll wear to commemorate the opening of CitiField.

But it looks a little like the logo for that fancy Italian place, the one Jerry Stiller refers to on "King of Queens" as "Duh-mean-ohs."

Even more embarrassing is that the Yankees introduced a beautiful elegant design for the patch in honor of their new stadium.

The Universe is Working Overtime

A few months ago I got an e-mail from a guy who lived on my floor freshman year of college, after not speaking to him for about 10 years.
We exchanged a couple of e-mails and he told me he lives in Hoboken. I mentioned that TON lives there too and he said he actually ran into TON once or twice but that TON wasn't very friendly and blew him off.
Anyway, when I got laid off and my e-mail was disconnected I lost his address.
I assumed that was the end of it since he had no way to contact me, and I had no way to get back to him.
But then the Universe intervened.
I saw him yesterday while walking across 7th Avenue to Penn Station. He screamed my name and we talked for a few minutes. I thought my story about not getting back to him because of the layoff might sound unbelievable to him, but he said he tried to send me something a couple weeks ago and when it got returned to him he knew I left the company, either voluntarily or not.
So he was thrilled to see me, gave me a big hug when we departed and took down my new e-mail address.
Sure it did take two months for us to meet up again, but he doesn't even work in the city so I guess the Universe just took its time arranging some kind of art seminar for him to go to.
Thanks again, Universe.

The NFL is Poop - Divisional Playoffs

Baltimore Ravens 13 Tennessee Titans 10
The Titans should be absolutely sick over losing this game. They absolutely dominated the game, but so many things went against them. They came up pointless on 5 drives inside the Ravens 35 yard line. There were 3 turnovers, a missed field goal and a turnover on downs (with a fumbled snap on 4th down). Any conversions there and the Titans probably win this game.
I also think the Titans got screwed by some bad officiating. The delay of game non-call was tough, but it wasn't as egregious as everyone has tried to make it out to be. Plus, it didn't effect the play, it was the Titans who screwed that one up.
The bigger problem was that the Ravens were playing a dirty game, hitting after the whistle, jumping on piles late, and trying to break Chris Johnson in half, and the refs never called anything.
And speaking of Chris Johnson, his injury really turned this game around. The Ravens couldn't stop him, but they were able to bottle up LenDale White.

Arizona Cardinals 33 Carolina Panthers 13
This was about as good an ass-kicking as a 10-point underdog will ever deliver in the playoffs. This game wasn’t even as close as the final score indicates.
Jake Delhomme is like this sometimes. He’s a pretty good quarterback who puts up great numbers but he’s always capable of a 6-turnover blowup that makes it impossible to win.
Larry Fitzgerald is quite plainly the best wide receiver in the NFL. Other guys put up numbers equal or even better than his. But no one does it the way he does. His ability to leap over two people and make a catch negates double-teams, it covers up for bad throws and it’s pretty fun to watch.

But what is really making the difference for the Cardinals in these two games is a complete transformation in style of play. They went from a finesse, passing team to a hard-nosed ball-hawking (9 takeways in 2 games), run-the-ball (43 carries) team.

Larry Fitzgerald makes catches no one else can

Philadelphia Eagles 23 New York Giants 11
In the days leading up to this game Giants coach Tom Coughlin talked about the teams' last matchup and said if the Giants had converted a couple short fourth downs, the game would have been much different.
He is probably repeating that lament today. The Giants had two field goal misses which set them back and theoretically could count as failures on 4th down. But in the 4th quarter, with the game in reach they were stopped on 4th and 1 with Eli Manning trying to sneak it. Then on 4th and 2 a few minutes later Brandon Jacobs came up short; and that was the ball game.
But really Eli Manning set the tone for another Manning choke job when he tossed one to Asante Samuel to set up the Eagles first touchdown.
One the other hand, Donovan McNabb with less than impressive statistics, piloted his team to another playoff victory (9-5 all-time) despite have to throw the ball 40 times, because the Giants had shut down the Eagles running game.

Pittsburgh Steelers 35 San Diego Chargers 24
This game was mostly competitive through the first half, and the Chargers actually held a lead and kept the Steelers offense off the board for the first 29 minutes of the first half. But then Roethlisberger threw for over 100 yards on 2 consecutives drives (one to close the 1st half, one to open the 2nd half) for touchdowns. After the second one, Philip Rivers threw an interception (the Chargers only play from scrimmage in the third quarter) and by the time the Chargers caught their breath they were down 28-10 in the 4th quarter with no real chance to catch up.

What Exactly is She Doing With Her Hands?

The publicity photo for's Poppy Harlow.
Shouldn't someone have noticed this and chosen a different shot?

Poppy Harlow

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Tina Fey Finally Gets That Pair of Globes She's Been Praying For Since She was 13 Years Old

The obviously insecure Tina Fey won another Golden Globe and used her acceptance speech to trash her critics. Those mean people on the internet who dare say bad things about her. They really hurt her feelings. Meanwhile this bitch spent the whole summer viciously attacking Sarah Palin and her family (and won AP Entertainer of the Year Award for doing the liberal media's bidding), yet those horrible people on the internet who call her flat-chested can "suck it."
I don't like hypocrites and I don't like flat-chested women. That's two strikes against you Tina.

Tina Fey finally has a nice pair of Globes

Megan Fox Uses My Favorite Word (Non-Palindrome Category)

I love Megan Fox, I love that she used the word "doppelganger" but if there is one thing I hate more than a hot chick who knows she's hot, is a hot chick who knows she's hot but pretends she thinks she's ugly so that jealous women won't hate her.
Megan, we all see through your games.
Keep using "doppelganger," keep talking about Salma Hayek's boobs, but cut the shit.

Good Enough for AOL, But Not For Mrs. Poop

Referring to a woman's boobs as globes, golden or otherwise, was funny enough for AOL but not funny enough for Mrs. Poop?

Salma Hayek shows off her golden globes

Btw, PPD even tried to warn Mrs. Poop that Salma Hayek was the perfect target for this joke.

Also, I am so hurt that I lost another poll to Mrs. Poop. I can't believe 12 of you didn't think this joke would have helped Mrs. Poop's social acclimation. I can only imagine that you are doing this to hurt me. But why? I work so hard for you people and this is how you repay me?

Song of the Week

"Just Dance" - Lady Gaga
Normally the songs of the week are chosen only for the music and youtube video is just window dressing. But this one was chosen because this video is a must watch. Just check out Lady Gaga on Leno and I guarantee you won't be disappointed, especially not at 59 seconds in.

Killer Stretch

Syracuse is off to an incredible 16-1 start and is one full-court heave (followed by a good overtime) from being undefeated and ranked #2 in the country.
But all that could change as conference play heats up and SU faces a brutal 10-game stretch.
While I don't expect them to emerge from this gauntlet any better than 6-4, I do love this team.
I think they are perfectly composed with a great point guard, a solid big man, a deadeye outside shooter and a tough guy who makes the outside shots and drives to the hole when the team needs it most.
Here's my game-by-game predictions for the next ten games with dates, times and TV station (for TON who otherwise would not watch and would e-mail me in March to ask how SU is doing this year and if Allen Griffin is still on the team):

January 14 at No. 12 Georgetown 7:30 PM ET on ESPN2
Loss - It's going to be very hard to go on the road and win against the other top teams in this conference.

January 17 No. 13 Notre Dame 12:00 PM ET on ESPN
Loss - Even at home the 1-2 punch of Harangody and McAlarney may be too much for Syracuse to handle, especially because they are perfectly suited to destroy SU's zone, Harangody by getting in the middle of it, and McAlarney by shooting over it.

January 19 at No. 1 Pittsburgh 7:00 PM ET on ESPN
Loss - Pittsburgh will very likely still be undefeated and number one, could be very difficult to knock them off.

January 25 No. 20 Louisville 12:00 PM ET on SNY
Win - I'm not a big fan of this Louisville team and I think they already pulled off their big upset with that win over Notre Dame.

January 28 at Providence 7:00 PM ET not sure what channel
Win - The one soft spot in this stretch of games, even though right now they are 3-1 in the conference.

February 4 West Virginia 7:00 PM ET on ESPN
Win - This game may also be a breather. I don't think this team has the size to keep up with SU inside.

February 7 vs. No. 22 Villanova* 12:00 PM ET on ESPN
Win - I'm also not sold on Villanova. They still have Dante Cunningham and Scottie Reynolds but they also lack size inside. Due to the stupidest rule ever this game is considered a neutral site game, not a road game even though it's in Philadelphia.

February 11 at No. 4 Connecticut 7:00 PM ET on ESPN
Loss - It will be interesting to see how Arinze Onuaku and Hasheem Thabeet square off.

February 14 No. 12 Georgetown 12:00 PM ET on ESPN
Win - I don't see Georgetown coming into the Dome and winning. They have a good team, but not that good.

February 22 No. 22 Villanova 1:00 PM ET on CBS
Win - If they can beat Villanova in a "neutral site" game, they can beat them in the Dome.

Think I'm wrong? Post your own game by game predictions in the comments sections.

Andy Rautins throws up the triple threat sign

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Universe Brings Me a Funny Hat

I frequently carry on about the strange powers of the universe (I think this story would qualify as what people like Oprah call "the law of attraction" which states if you think of something, it will come to you) but this latest incident stunned even me.
I was watching "Sesame Street" with Chase (I'm obsessed, I DVR every episode and make sure Mrs. Poop saves them until I watch them. I love Telly but I hate his best friend Baby Bear) and we heard a delightful song honoring "T," the letter of the day. It was sung to the tune of "Hey There Delilah" and spoke of Tina who was wearing a "terrific Tam O' Shanter."
Now you should know that Sesame Street is not my only obsession, I'm also frequently consulting the internet so that I can identify on sight styles of facial hair, airport codes and types of hats.
Since the Tam O'Shanter is one of my favorites I sent Mrs. Poop the wikipedia page dedicated to this cool chapeau.
The next day we were at the grocery store and we saw a man in the parking lot wearing a terrific tam o'shanter.
What are the odds?
I know you non-believers will say someone in a tam o'shanter walks by me everyday and I only noticed this time because I was thinking about this hat.
But I dispute that. First of all, no one wears a tam o'shanter anymore. Second, I would always notice one. Third, I'm always thinking about tam o'shanters.
This was just the universe's way of telling me to keep believing.

tartan tam o'shanters

Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,777

I sent Mrs. Poop an e-mail warning her that President Bush would preempt Thursday night television with his farewell address.
Here is her reply, in its entirety:

"Mother Fucker."

Eddy Curry Accused of Gay Sexual Harrassment

From the NY Post:

Knicks center Eddy Curry was slapped with a shocking sex-harassment suit Monday by his former driver, who claims the 6-foot-11 hoopster tried to solicit gay sex from him.
The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky "in the nude," allegedly telling him, "Look at me, Dave, look" and "Come and touch it, Dave."
Curry also made Kuchinsky perform "humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them," the Manhattan federal court suit says.
Kuchinsky, who is straight and Jewish, also alleges racial discrimination, saying that Curry hurled slurs at him including "f---ing Jew," "cracker," "white slave," "white devil" and "grandmaster of the KKK."

And in a disturbing episode reminiscent of some of the evidence in the manslaughter case against former Nets star Jayson Williams, Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a "fully loaded" gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment.
"Look, I have one in the chamber," Curry allegedly said.
Kuchinsky, who worked for Curry from October 2005 through October 2008, says he was initially hired as an around-the-clock chauffeur for Curry and his family at their Burr Ridge, Ill., mansion.
But shortly after starting work, he soon found his duties fell well outside his job description and "progressively became Curry's "house-boy,'" his suit says. He is seeking $98,000 plus compensatory damages from the injured Knick, whose contract pays him $9.4 million this year.
Kuchinsky says he is owed $68,000 in unpaid wages, as well as $25,000 in expenses for which Curry never repaid him.
"Instead of paying him, they discriminated against him, figuring that it would keep him there," said Kuchinsky's lawyer, Matthew Blit. "Imagine going into your boss's office ... and he stands up and drops his pants and he asks you take care of him. Those actions are unacceptable whether it's in a corporate office or a private home."

Story suggested by SCZA who is too busy laundering dirty towels before his wife gets home to post it himself

Monday, January 12, 2009

Somebody Call the Hearse, Cuz We Be Killin Em

Donovan McNabb picks up the phone on the Giants sideline during the Eagles 23-11 win over the Giants.
It wasn't the most sportsmanlike act, but I don't consider it a big deal. I think it was a show of his goofy sense of humor, not his brash arrogance.

The win over the Giants improved McNabb's playoff record to 9-5 all-time, he just never pieced enough of those wins together to win a Super Bowl.
But still Eagles fans won't accept him. They have turned on him three times (when he was drafted, after the Super Bowl including his feud with Terrell Owens, and then again this year when he was benched against the Eagles). And every time McNabb came back and ignored the ingrates.
I think Eagles fans who booed him on draft day have been looking for reasons to hate him so they never have to admit they were wrong.

Here's the video of the phone incident and McNabb's reaction to it:

Congratulations to Freedo

All year Freedo has run his big mouth about his Penn State Shittaly Lions, and while he was wrong about them, he was right about a lot of other things. Freedo was the only one bold enough to throw his hat into the College Bowl Mania ring with Pizza Parlor Derek and me, and Freedo was a resounding winner.

He nailed 20 of the 34 games, a passable 59%. But based on his confidence rankings he came up with 387 points, coming in the 87th percentile among the thousands who played the game on

And he would have done even better if his pride and loyalty had made him pick Penn State, even though he knew they were going to get killed. And he even assigned 24 to that game, which showed he knew they were going to lose.

As for me, I was horrible. Freedo absolutely killed me, I sucked. I got only 11 games right, for 206 points. 94% of the people who played beat me. What a disaster.

I hope next year more of you will take the chance to embarrass me by playing in the bowl challenge next year.