Saturday, April 29, 2006

Damn Mosquitos

At the request or Reissberg, I am posting Rick Reilly's column from SI this week. Why does Reissberg care about malaria? Check out the comments section to find out.

Nothing But Nets

I've never asked for anything before, right? Well, sorry, I'm asking now.

We need nets. Not hoop nets, soccer nets or lacrosse nets. Not New Jersey Nets or dot-nets or clarinets. Mosquito nets.

See, nearly 3,000 kids die every day in Africa from malaria. And according to the World Health Organization, transmission of the disease would be reduced by 60% with the use of mosquito nets and prompt treatment for the infected.

Three thousand kids! That's a 9/11 every day!

Put it this way: Let's say your little Justin's Kickin' Kangaroos have a big youth soccer tournament on Saturday. There are 15 kids on the team, 10 teams in the tourney. And there are 20 of these tournaments going on all over town. Suddenly, every one of these kids gets chills and fever, then starts throwing up and then gets short of breath. And in seven to 10 days, they're all dead of malaria.

We gotta get these nets. They're coated with an insecticide and cost between $4 and $6. You need about $10, all told, to get them shipped and installed. Some nets can cover a family of four. And they last four years. If we can cut the spread of disease, 10 bucks means a kid might get to live. Make it $20 and more kids are saved.

So, here's the ask: If you have ever gotten a thrill by throwing, kicking, knocking, dunking, slamming, putting up, cutting down or jumping over a net, please go to a special site we've set up through the United Nations Foundation. The address is: Then just look for the big SI's Nothing But Net logo (or call 202-887-9040) and donate $20. Bang. You might have just saved a kid's life.

Or would you rather have the new Beastie Boys CD?

You're a coach, parent, player, gym teacher or even just a fan who likes watching balls fly into nets, send $20. You saved a life. Take the rest of the day off.

You have ever had a net in the driveway, front lawn or on your head at McDonald's, send $20. You ever imagined Angelina Jolie in fishnets, $20. So you stay home and eat on the dinette. You'll live.

Hey, Dick's Sporting Goods. You have 255 stores. How about you kick in a dime every time you sell a net? Hey, NBA players, hockey stars and tennis pros, how about you donate $20 every time one of your shots hits the net? Maria Sharapova, you don't think this applies to you just because you're Russian? Nyet!

I tried to think how many times I have said or written the word "net" in 28 years of sports writing, and I came up with, conservatively, 20,000. So I've already started us off with a $20,000 donation. That's a whole lot of lives. Together, we could come up with $1 million, net. How many lives would that save? More than 50 times the population of Nett Lake, Minn.

I know what you're thinking: Yeah, but bottom line, how much of our $1 million goes to nets? All of it. Thanks to Ted Turner, who donated $1 billion to create the U.N. Foundation, which covers all the overhead, "every cent will go to nets," says Andrea Gay, the U.N. Foundation's Director of Children's Health.

Nets work! Bill and Melinda Gates have just about finished single-handedly covering every bed in Zambia. Maybe we can't cover an entire Zambia, but I bet we could put a serious dent in Malawi.

It's not like we're betting on some scientist somewhere coming up with a cure. And it's not like warlords are going to hijack a truckload of nets. "Theoretically, if every person in Africa slept at night under a net," says Gay, "nobody need ever die of malaria again." You talk about a net profit.

My God, think of all the nets that are taken for granted in sports! Ping-Pong nets. Batting cage nets. Terrell Owens's bassinet. If you sit behind the plate at a baseball game, you watch the action through a net. You download the highlights on Netscape and forward it on the net to your friend Ben-net while eating Raisinets. Sports is nothing but net. So next time you think of a net, go to that website and click yourself happy. Way more fun than your fantasy bowling league, dude.

One last vignette: A few years back, we took the family to Tanzania, which is ravaged by malaria now. We visited a school and played soccer with the kids. Must've been 50 on each team, running and laughing. A taped-up wad of newspapers was the ball and two rocks were the goal. Most fun I ever had getting whupped. When we got home, we sent some balls and nets.

I kick myself now for that. How many of those kids are dead because we sent the wrong nets?

Friday, April 28, 2006

He Finally Ran Out of Chances

Former Yankees pitcher Steve Howe was killed in an accident. Howe is best known for failing so many drug tests that he was suspended 7 times, but was reinstated into the majors every time. In 1992 he was banned for life, but reinstated by an arbitrator.
Howe was killed at 5:55 a.m. PT, said Dalyn Backes of the Riverside County coroner's office. The pickup truck Howe was driving left the roadway, entered the median and rolled several times, ejecting Howe from the vehicle, according to the coroner's office.
No word on whether drugs or alcohol were involved.

I Was Wrong Again

I once predicted that Soledad O'Brien would be the new co-host of The View. Believe it or not they actually hired Rosie O'Donnell. I think she is too big a personality to fit in on a show where at most you can talk 20% of the time. I don't think it's going to work also because according to reports I've heard, she just isn't a nice person. Plus, she's a fat, ugly lesbian. The antithesis of Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Fuckin ATMs

Gawker seems to think that Andy Serwer said a curseword on American Morning the other day. I listened to it 100 times and I was there when it happened, no one reacted or said anything. It seems to me as if Miles is saying if, and the f from that, combined with whatever Andy was saying, sounded like fuck. But it wasn't.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

I am going to keep posting about Kevin Mench until this streak ends. He has homered in 7 straight games now. I believe that is one shy of the major league record. In 8 games with the proper shoes he has 7 homers and 21 RBI, while batting .394.

Mets 5 Braves 2

Big win to get the series off to the right start in Turner Field where the Mets never win.

Pedro is awesome. I know he is usually good for one home run each start but as long as he leaves the game with a lead, that's all you can ever ask from your starting pitcher.

Duaner Sanchez is equally awesome. The guy has been near perfect all season.

A rough save for Billy Wagner, but all that matters is that he gets the save. I know there were runners on base and he hit Andruw Jones, but Diaz and Pratt were completely overmatched. I always felt like the Mets were always bringing up hitters like that against other teams closers, but with Franco, Benitez, Looper, etc I never felt that we had one of those guys.

Chipper Jones is a Met killer. I think they said one time that the only person who has hit more home runs against the Mets than Chipper is Willie Stargell, coincidentally I wore my Stargell jersey today.

Jeff Francoeur is the type of player I might love if he weren't on the Braves. When I first fell in love with Vladimir Guerrero it was because of his free swinging and his incredible arm. Francoeuer made two throws tonight, one to third, one home, both were awesome.

Jose Reyes is starting to become an excellent leadoff man. He's on pace to walk about 50 times this year which isn't so bad. Gary Cohen keeps mentioning that he scores about two thirds of the times he reaches base. That proves that he is a huge key to any success this team will have this year.

Endy Chavez is starting to remind me of Willie Mays Hayes. He's playing better, dragging bunts and using his speed.

This may sound weird coming after a two home run game but I am worried about David Wright turning into Piazza. Of course there are huge expectations for him and the fans love him but so far this year 4 of his 5 homers are solo and the other came with a man on first. Tonight he hit two solo home runs and twice he came up with two men on and 1 out, and he hit a sac fly (which is fine) but he also struck out. He also continues to make bad errors at crucial situations. I love him still, but I'm starting to worry.

Classy move by the redneck Braves fans to give Julio Franco such a warm reception.

Hopefully they can get at least one of the next two games and put this Turner Field shit to bed.

Da Brick Falls to Da Jets

OK, so I was wrong. The draft is still 15 1/2 hours away and I already got some stuff wrong. I really thought the Texans would take Reggie Bush despite his problems. But I now believe, as I suggested, that Houston's owner and front office asked Bush about the house issue and the answer he gave them was a lie. Maybe they had this plan all along but the Texans have already signed Mario Williams.
I think Reggie Bush will be taken with the second pick, but probably not by the Saints. That could change things later on in the draft but for right now mark me down for Williams first, Bush second, Young third and Da Brick to Da Jets at #4. Everything else stays the same.

Say It Ain't Shinjo

I don't know much about Japanese news sites but one of them suggests that former Met Tsyushi Shinjo is going to keep busy in retirement (which he annouced last week) by releasing nude photos of himself and his wife.
"Actually, Shinjo's thinking about releasing a collection of nude photos. Straight after he announced his retirement, the president of a major talent agency Shinjo is expected to join on his retirement called the player and said, 'If you're gonna do nude stuff, let me look after it for you.' And, as a bit of an extra for his real fans, there's also talk of Shinjo and his wife doing a nude shot together. If they don't want to go all the way, it could be a shot of them in some pretty racy underwear. The Shinjos are a lot more appealing than David and Victoria Beckham," says Motoji Takasu, a publishing company producer."

Real Men of Genius

The long running Bud Light ad campaign "Real Men of Genius" nee "Real American Heroes" saluting life's unsung heroes has produced many side splitting moments ("ripping off heads") but none greater than "Mr. Boneless Buffalo Wing Inventor." Check it out, and a lot of the other ones, before the evil pricks make them take the site down.

I Think I Can See Mark Messier's Junk

It never hurts to post a funny picture

Hot Teacher In Hot Water Again

Pamela Rogers, 28, is back in jail for violating the terms of her probation. She served 6 months for having sex with a 13-year old student, now 14. Hours after her hearing she sent the kid explicit videos and violated the order not to communicate with him.

how do 13 year olds get to sleep with chicks like her
wrestling dirt sheets love her because she's a former miss nitro

NFL Draft Predictions

I am going to give you my top 10 draft predictions only. Because the theory of my blog is, a lot of short posts will keep readers interested. If you want a blog where you get one high quality post every week or so, visit the Pizza Parlor. Derek is serving up a comprehensive mock draft piping hot for you. Make your own predictions in the group called Paul's Poop at ESPN's Draft Forecast.

Here goes my top 10:
1. Houston Texans: Reggie Bush. The best player. Simple.
2. New Orleans Saints: D'Brickashaw Ferguson. Offensive linemen make great high choices because they don't need anyone else around them to help them succeed the way skill position players do, and they operate with minimal fan pressure. UVa's resident Jet Fan Brian Cohen will be sad to see this.
3. Tennessee Titans: Vince Young. Believe it or not the coach and the O-coordinator are getting outvoted by the GM and the owner. Huge bust potential here.
4. New York Jets: Mario Williams. Could be the next Julius Peppers.
5. Green Bay Packers: AJ Hawk. I just heard that Hawk can flip his hips like a safety. I wonder if Laura Quinn told them that. As you know, the "hips don't lie."
6. San Francisco 49ers: Vernon Davis. This pick is even more sure than Bush.
7. Oakland Raiders: Matt Leinart. He falls far. Then porks a girl he meets at Marquis Saturday night.
8. Buffalo Bills: Haloti Ngata.
9. Detroit Lions: Michael Huff.
10. Arizona Cardinals: Jay Cutler.

Both PP Derek and I are going a little off track. The consensus I've been getting is Bush, Williams, Leinart, Brick, Hawk, Davis, Young.

Other notes:
LenDale White will go to Carolina at 27.
The Jets get the quarterback of the future in Oregon's Kellen Clemens. He may not fall to 35 so the Jets may have to take him at 29.
No one from Syracuse goes in the first round.
The Steelers take a wide receiver from Western Michigan with the last pick in the first round.

Reggie Bush is a Lying Sack of Shit

Charles Robinson of Yahoo! has done a great job reporting on the whole Reggie Bush scandal. His latest report that Bush's parents, the Griffins, did not pay rent on the house does not surprise me. I said that from the beginning. This would have been really easy to prove. Reggie said that his parents "leased the house like any other family." Ok, fine, then show us the rent checks. By the way, rent was $4500/per month or about $54,000. They moved out of the house like thieves in the night, but that doesn't really bother me. You can also read about how Bush now claims he was extorted, but I won't bother rehashing those details because most of you probably know them, and most of you say you like this blog for my opinion on things. Well sorry for this but I am not going to give you my opinion. I am going to tell you how it happened.

Reggie's parents made a wink and nod deal with this Michael Michaels or whoever else that in exchange for certain things (use of the house, plane tickets to USC games) they would consider letting this fledging sports agency represent Reggie. I'm sure the Griffins thought they could still choose whomever they wanted as an agent. I'm sure the agents thought if they choose someone else, we'll out them. I really believe his parents did not tell Reggie about the deal because they knew it was against the rules and they wanted him to have plausible deniability. Of course, the Griffins never paid one dime in rent or for anything else they got. They will claim they planned to pay when Reggie got rich. Even if that's true, it's still wrong. Sort of like Butch McRae, they made a deal with these people, they should have just allowed them to represent him. That would have solved all their problems.
Fast forward to this week. Reggie goes on every show he can find (I saw him on PTI, QF and Best Damn) and says his parents did nothing wrong and that he would hide from interviews because he's telling the truth. Today Reggie canceled an interview with Dan Patrick, probably because he found out his parents never paid rent, and told him they had.
So what happens? I think the NCAA will deem this an improper benefit and make USC forfeit every game Bush played in, the same thing they did to the Fab Five when Webber took money. I think the Downtown Athletic Club will let him keep his Heisman. I think its possible the Texans will pass on Bush in the Draft because owner Bob McNair asked him flat out and he lied about it, I think it's because he really didn't know.
The bottom line is, like in He Got Game, greedy relatives took him down. I honestly think his parents told him they were paying rent like anyone else, and they made a liar and a fool out of their own son, because they wanted to move to a nice house one year early.

Sometimes I Love Youtube

Day Two With Carson

I love Carson even more today. He once again arrived about half an hour early, by himself. This time I spent some time getting the shot ready. He looked at the suit, was actually impressed that it really looked good. He was so knowledgeable, and he took it seriously while having fun. He was really ironing, and showing Andy how and where to iron, all while saying things like "it's getting hot and steamy in here." He then made a series of gay jokes about our floor manager Bruce, including telling Andy matter-of-factly that Bruce was tossing and turning all night last night, but that's usually what happens when Bruce gets drunk. At one point I was being a pain so someone said "get out of here Paul." Then Carson followed up with a "yeah Paul." After the segment was over I went into the greenroom to get a bagel, I offered him something and then he put his hand on my shoulder and said "no thank you Paul." He remembered my name. As he was leaving the makeup artist told him he was the nicest person that's ever come through there. And Wendy sees everyone. He thanked her and was very gracious. What a nice man.

Prisons Need New Posters

Roger Toussaint, the douche who ordered the Transit Workers strike, is serving a ten-day jail sentence because the strike was illegal. NY1 visited him in prison. If you go to this page and watch the video by clicking on the roadrunner icon, at about 15 seconds into the video you will see a very interesting, but outdated poster on the wall. It may be hard to see exactly who is on the poster, but Mike has the same one in his bedroom.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

I Fought the Law and I Won

The sordid tale of Paul and the parking ticket is over. The night of Matt's birthday party I parked in a zone that had no parking after 1am. I stayed in the bar until around 2. When I came outside I had a $115 parking ticket. But I beat it.
I would like to thank Matt for having a birthday, and for having his party on a street with night time parking restrictions. I would like to thank Julie and Emily for making me wait to see them do karaoke. I'd like to thank the Concierge for encouraging me to fight the ticket, "an incorrectly filled out ticket is invalid and not enforceable." I'd like to thank the judge who fairly dismissed the ticket. But most of all I have to thank the idiot meter maid who incorrectly copied down my license plate and also incorrectly filled out the restricted times from the sign onto the ticket. And I'd also like to thank Jesus Christ. I can beat all tickets through Christ who strengthens me.

One interesting side note, since my license plate was wrong I thought if I never fought the ticket, they wouldn't be able to come after me since the only identifying information was recorded incorrectly. I called the Concierge and he said "they'll never find you. You hear me, they'll never fuckin find you. Never!"

They printed this on special scented

Air Force One is Like the Beers Household

During the White House gaggle earlier today on board Air Force One, the Washington Post’s Jim Vandehei asked Scott McClellan why the TVs on Air Force One were always tuned to Fox and if it was possible to have them tuned to CNN instead. The ultimate result: the White House changed the channel to CNN. It’s a long exchange that’s a hysterical read. Especially if you work for CNN. The transcript is also posted on at

Office of the Press Secretary

(Biloxi, Mississippi)

For Immediate Release April 27, 2006


Aboard Air Force One

En route New Orleans, Louisiana

11:21 A.M. EDT

Q It's come to my attention that there's been requests -- this is a serious question -- to turn these TVs onto a station other than Fox, and that those have been denied. My question would be, is there a White House policy that all government TVs have to be tuned to Fox?

MR. McCLELLAN: Never heard of any such thing. My TVs are on four different channels at all times.

Q Because you have four different TVs. But every time I've ever been --

MR. McCLELLAN: Every TV in the White House also has channels every -- has a split screen, where they can --

Q Well, they always seem to be tuned to Fox, and there's been requests, and these are paid for by taxpayer dollars. And my understanding is that you guys have to watch Fox on Air Force One. Is that true?

MR. McCLELLAN: First time I've ever heard of it. First time you've brought it to my attention, meaning the first time the press corps has brought it to my attention. In fact, I've watched other channels on here.

Q There's one --

MR. McCLELLAN: Hang on, Jim, come on. I've watched other channels on here, so I don't know where yuo're hearing that. But it's the first time anyone in the press has raised that question with me.

Q You've watched other channels other than Fox?

MR. McCLELLAN: On here, yes, sure.

Q I've never seen -- they're always turned to Fox, which a lot of people consider a Republican-leaning network.

Q Scott, is it one -- on the airplane, is it one for all? I mean, if it's tuned for Fox here, is it Fox everywhere?

MR. McCLELLAN: I think that certain areas may be interconnected, but I'll have to double-check which.

Q Is yours off, wherever you are?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, the conference room, or the senior staff office, the staff office, they're different TVs, and you can switch to different channels. I'm not sure if some of these in the back are connected to some of the others that are watching right here, right now. It doesn't look like it to me. I've never known anyone that's raised a complaint about a request from back here to watch a different channel.

Q I'm officially raising it and officially complaining about it.

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I'm going to go see if we can change the channel for you. Have you called up?

Q I was the Fox victim, and I was told -- the quote was, "No," when I asked for CNN.

MR. McCLELLAN: I don't know who you talked to, so -- it didn't come to my attention. You don't know who you talked to either?

Q Well, the magic people at the other end off the phone.

MR. McCLELLAN: The magic people at the other end of the phone. Well, I'll see if this cabin is --

Q I was told, "We don't watch CNN here, you can only watch Fox."

MR. McCLELLAN: As I said, it's hard to respond to something when I don't know who it is you talked to.

Q I used the phone back here.

MR. McCLELLAN: I find this all quite amusing, to tell you the truth. I mean, there are a lot of people on this plane that do watch that channel.

Q I've never been told, no. They're such nice guys up there.

MR. McCLELLAN: First time you brought it to my attention. I'll go see what we can do on it.

* * * * *

MR. McCLELLAN: We just called up. They're going to be changing it, at your all's request, to the channel that you requested, which is CNN -- from the press corps.

Q Thanks, Scott.

END 11:39 A.M. EDT

Feel The Bern!

Many of you remember Bernie Kim aka Michelle Kwan for his frequent forays to the Kliq. Bernie worked for Best Damn, then left for ESPN Hollywood, now he is evidently back with Best Damn. He made a video about the NFL Draft inspired by SNL's Lazy Sunday. Click on this link then look for "Crazy Sunday" on the left hand side of the page.

I Wonder if He Leads the League in Nose Hair

This is my favorite look alike yet. I noticed it weeks ago but couldn't find a good picture to illustrate it. Phillies catcher Sal Fasano looks just like Major League's Clue Haywood, the evil Yankees slugger played by 1982 Cy Young Award Winner, Pete Vukovich. I hope when the Phillies plays the Mets that Fasano asks LoDuca, "how's your wife and my kids?"

I give myself a 9 for this one

Snoopa-Doopa Can't Fly

Snoop Dogg and five other men were arrested for creating a disturbance in which 7 police officers were hurt at London's Heathrow Airport.
Snoop's entourage, totaling more than 30 people, was denied access to British Airways' first class lounge because some members of the party were flying coach.
The airline then refused to allow the group to board the plane to Johannesburg, South Africa where Snoop was supposed to perform at a concert to celebrate Nelson Mandela's release from prison.
Apparently, in the alterication Snoop and his crew began smashing bottles of booze on the floor in the duty-free shop.
I like to stop at the duty-free shop.

More on McPhee's Panties

Isaacs did a great job getting pictures and clips of Katharine McPhee's panties, and her other great parts. The second Youtube clip to Justin's favorite song, "Your Body is a Wonderland," is genius in the way it matches the lyrics to the pictures being shown.


You Can Win With Randy Winn

It's Beers' favorite people day at Paul's Poop. Beers used to make fun of Randy Winn, but in fact he is a pretty good player, even for fantasy. And if you are friends with him, you will win two straight MVP awards. Steve Nash and Randy Winn were both members of the Santa Clara basketball team which upset #2 seed Arizona in 1993.

Nash visits the Giants in spring training

Mystery Guest Revealed

In doing a story about a new suit that can be washed and dried in your home machines (and don't need ironing), we decided to order the suits for our on-air talent to model. The plan was to get the suits, have a guest on to talk about them, film the reporters wearing them and washing them, then have that guest back the next day to see how the suit held up.
The guest we got was Carson Kressley from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." I met him this morning and filmed him behind the scenes discussing the suit (some of this will air tomorrow). In fact he was a really nice guy, funny and charming even before I put the camera on, at which point he became funnier and charminger. I got the impression that like most TV people, the personality you see on TV is real, just jacked up a couple notches. He made some very funny jokes and was very pleasant. He wore no socks (even though he wore a very nice suit), came without any one else (though he did tell someone to contact his publicist) and even walked himself into the breakroom to make himself a cup of tea.
Bottom line, I really like the guy and you all will now have to hear me say "Carson Kressley is my friend."
More tomorrow, hopefully.

Carson hates socks

Celeb Sighting Preview

I expect (hope) to have a good celeb sighting story later this morning. If you would like a preview watch CNN between 8:50 and 9 AM this morning. Hint: this celebrity is a Beers favorite.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

McPhee's Panties

Josh came out of hibernation to point out that Katharine McPhee had a wardrobe malfunction on Tuesday's Idol. During her song, she took an aggressive step and popped a button on her dress. The cameras were shooting the low angle, right up her dress, revealing a brief shot of her panties. Even beyond the panty shot, this dress made her boobies look like ripe melons. Gorgeous.

Much hotter than that loser Kellie Pickler

Were There Steroids in Those Shoes?

I am continually amazed by the Kevin Mench story. He hit a grand slam today. That means in 7 games as a 12 1/2 he has hit 6 homers and driven in 20 runs. This is incredible.

Mets vs. Giants Running Blog

Mets win! Mets win! 9-7 in 11 innings. Castro started the game winning rally. He really is the best backup catcher ever. Woodward drove him in with a double then Reyes drove home Woodward. My heart almost stopped when I saw Julio in the bullpen but Willie ran Oliver out there for the bottom of the inning and he retired the side in order.

A good win for the team because it means a 4-3 record on the West Coast swing. The Mets had their worst record in AT&T Park compared to any other active stadium. Now they head to the #2 place on that list, Turner Field.

Hope you enjoyed it! - 7:30 PM


David Wright just had a Mike Piazza moment. Reyes walked, stole second and went to third on a bunt by Valentin. They walked Delgado intentionally and Wright struck out. You cannot strike out (or pop out) with a runner on third and less than two outs in extra innings. That's the difference between good players and great players. The difference between winning and losing, living and dying.

Surprisingly Benitez didn't implode. Floyd fought off a lot of good pitches, stepped out of the box, Reyes ran up and down the line. Benitez ended up walking Floyd but he didn't give up a home run, which for him is saying something. Then he was able to get Nady to ground out to end the inning without giving up any runs. - 6:58 PM


Wagner just blew another save with the help of David Wright. Wright couldn't get down for the ground ball hit by Vizquel. After two strikeouts Vizquel moved to second on indifference. Alou hit a tough grounder to Wright, instead of trying to tag Vizquel who was running right at him, Wright threw wide of first into the dugout. Vizquel scored, bringing Barroid Bonds up with a man on and the score 7-5.

Bonds hit a homer to center and the game is tied 7-7.

Benitez and Sanchez both looked awesome in their inning of work. Armando may stay in the game.

The word on Bannister's hamstring is "not good." Ok, that's two words. - 6:41 PM


In addition to veteran leadership Julio Franco provided some offense getting a key 2-run single with men on second and third and one out. He even stole a base when Delgado was up. San Fran was using the shift so Pete Happy (the third baseman) had to cover. After Delgado struck out, Mr. Wright continued to bust out, hitting one to the gap to drive home Franco and give the Mets a 7-4 lead.

Sanchez in the 8th, Wagner in the 9th, that's the plan. - 6:12 PM


Took a little nap, missed an inning but caught up.

Interview with Rickey was boring.

Bannister settled down and was actually ready to pitch into the 6th inning. Then he got a double and hurt himself scoring the go-ahead run. He might be seriously hurt. If Beltran is out a month, then Bannister should be out a year judging by reaction.

Big knock by Kaz to get him home though.

Heilman once again not sharp. This time Alou does it again tying the game at 4. - 5:56 PM


Castro does it again, lines a single to right starting a rally. Chavez hit a fly ball that could have been caught but landed between Finley and Winn. Finley then hit it with his glove, and it hit Winn and bounced away, but not far enough for slow Castro to score. No matter, Bannister helped his own cause with a ripped double down the right field line. Unfortunately, he can't pitch for shit. Every inning 2 or 3 guys on.

Rickey Henderson is at the game. They showed him in the stands. I wonder if they sent Chris Cotter to interview him and Rickey said "Rickey ain't in the talking mood."


Delgado just splashed one into McCovey Cove to cut lead to 2-1. Didn't seem like there were too many boats, someone on shore with a long net retrieved it.

That homer was his 9th, tying him with Dave Kingman for the club record for home runs in April. - 4:28 PM


Gary Cohen said the people he talked to in San Francisco say Floyd's home run last night was the longest one ever hit into McCovey Cove. Bonds has hit 31 in there. Floyd almost had one to left but Randy Winn (Beers' favorite player) made a great leaping catch. Hernandez said the screen was in play so it only would have been a double.

Ramon Castro comes through again, hitting the ball in the same spot as Floyd, just lower and harder...over Winn's head.

Pedro Feliz (Pete Happy) is the best name since Jose Mesa (Joe Table).

Kate just came home with the groceries, unloading them is going to put me a few minutes behind the game. - 4:12 PM


Brian Bannister did it again, sort of. He had 1st and 3rd and 1 out, Alou hit a long double that would have scored both runs had it not bounced over the fence. Then he struck out Finley and got Niekro to pop up. Niekro's ball was a tough play in foul territory in short right, Matsui made a nice play.

Steve Finley has 298 career home runs. He was traded for Edgardo Alfonzo in the offseason.

Jose Reyes has scored 17 of the 26 times he's reached base this season, but in the first inning after a walk, he got himself picked off.

Barroid Bonds is not playing today. - 4:00 PM


Thank you for joining us for Paul's Poop's second ever running blog. I hope to be your eyes and ears if you are watching the game via Gamecast or some other internet service. - 3:34 PM

Classic HIMYM

Monday's How I Met Your Mother was one of the best ever. If you haven't seen it yet but plan to...stop reading now.
The jist of the plot, Robin begins dating the typical pompous news anchor to make Ted jealous. Barney convinces Ted to hire a hooker as his date to make Robin jealous. Turns out the girl wasn't a hooker but a paralegal, which made for some great double entendre jokes. "One client was riding me all day. Talk about anal."
Marshall continually lawyering Barney was also hysterical.
But the best part was the lampooning of Robin's date, in particular his "In Today's Papers" segment.
"what do you do Ted?"
"The same thing as you, except after I finish reading the papers, I finish my coffee and go to work."
I have e-mailed Pat Kiernan about this and await comment. So far all he said was that he had not seen the episode but that other people had e-mailed him about it.


It sickens me that Lavar Arrington is now on the New York Giants. He will wear #55 because #56 is obviously retired for Lawrence Taylor.
He said "Fifty-five is cool. Just call me Mr. Nickels.”

He's going to look horrible in blue

Idol Chatter

Enjoyed last night's love songs.

Katharine McPhee is so hot. That dress was incredible. I think she looked a little like Brooke Burke. Kate and I think we may have spotted a little bit of her areola. When she did that little dance number and the slit of the dress revealed a lot of leg...good lord. Did she sing? I didn't even notice. I will look for pictures.

I normally like Elliot, and I love Donnie Hathaway but I didn't think that performance was so great.

I couldn't care less about Chris, Kellie and Paris at this point. I want them all to go. I'm glad Chris didn't try another rock song because he got such bad reviews from departing from that genre last week. But Bryan Adams, dude, that's a little Brokeback. And don't even get me started about Chris and Andrea singing on the floor.

I had always thought Andrea Bocelli was blind. But that the other guy asked him what color hair Kellie Pickler has and Andrea said blonde. I had no idea. Also, that other guy was so obnoxious. He wouldn't let Andrea Bocelli speak. I wish they would have shown more of his duets, especially the one with Stevie Wonder.

Taylor was actually good this week. I love "Just Once." And I'm very glad he didn't take it to the seizure.

Apparently, Ryan Seacrest and Paula Abdul have some kind of feud. They don't speak and Seacrest says it's just "awkward."

Paula must go. Her tears last night were over the top. They need to either take her off the meds or keep her on. Something is causing these manic mood swings.

Mets 4 Giants 1

A good win prevented this trip from being an absolute disaster. After losing 5 of 7 one more loss would have been a tailspin. A good start by Trachsel and great relief pitching from Sanchez (again) also means the remainder of the bullpen is well rested. That will be important today if Brian Bannister decides to throw another 100 pitches through 5 innings.

Once again they got out to an early lead with three singles from the first three batters. But a lack of clutch hitting prevented them from getting more. In the second Matsui and Trachsel singled but that rally was undone by a pickoff.

Wright has put together two good games in a row, I hope his slump is over.

Xavier Nady finally hit a home run later than the second inning, giving the team a lead it would not relinquish.

Cliff Floyd blasted one into McCovey Cove. He has been awful this year. With Beltran out they really need him to turn it around to provide offense as he did last year.

Duaner Sanchez is freakin awesome. I know he can't last the whole season without allowing a run, but I'm really enjoying him now.

Jose Valentin is awful.

Sort of funny, but way overdone Willie Randolph blog.

Before the game, I saw an interview with Lance Niekro. He is the son of Joe Niekro, who spent the last few years of his career with the Minnesota Twins. Lance said his favorite player was Kirby Puckett. Puckett would play with him, pick him up and put him in the trash can.

I will try the running blog idea again for this afternoon's game. I will not be updating every score, I will be providing the color. It should be read in conjunction with GameCast.

Britney Pregnant Again

I hate to pile on but I think it's time for the state to order Kevin Federline to have a mandatory vasectomy.

Let's Sell More Jerseys

Kobe Bryant will reportedly change his jersey number to 24 next season. He wore #24 for part of high school but changed to #33 to honor his pops, Joe "Jellybean" Bryant. He now wears #8 because that's the number he wore when he was a kid in Italy. He reportedly liked #8 because his favorite player in the Italian league wore it, Phoenix coach Mike D'Antoni.

But Are They Good For Your Heart?

Scientists have discovered the secret to gas-free beans. My dad will never eat beans again.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I'm Getting New Shoes

I heard Kevin Mench on ESPN Radio with Dan Patrick and Keith Olberman today. He sort of downplayed the shoe size thing. He also talked about having a big head, a quality him and Olberman share. Then he went out and hit another home run and drove in two more runs tonight, so far. That brings his six game totals with the correct shoes to 5 homers and 16 RBI.

Connie Chung Wasn't Getting It Done

Maury Povich has been accused of sexual harrassment. Read Pizza Parlor Derek's account. The accuser went to Syracuse and PPD knew her. I don't remember her (I only took a few speech comm classes). Maybe Bill or Smist would have an anecdote to share.

Nardi claims her boss, producer Paul Faulhaber, ordered her to wear short skirts and low-cut blouses, watch porn videos in the office, take off her shirt for a video crew, and wear a pushup bra so a video crew could shoot her breasts.

The suit says Faulhaber "ordered closeup video shots of plaintiff's breasts and cleavage ... for the purpose of eliciting sexual excitement from guests of the show."

In order to keep her job, the suit claims, Nardi endured humiliations like "traveling to Florida bars to secretly videotape married men agreeing to have sex with her."

And the suit says she was assigned to put tape on the chests of female guests, so they would appear to have bigger breasts on TV - leading to her being known as the "tape lady" around the office.

A few years ago, Bianca's mother died of some weird bacteria.

This is the only picture I could find of Bianca Nardi, I post it to see if anyone remembers her face

Arena Footbrawl

Watch the woman, she steps over to go calm her husband down, then the guy behind her gets pushed and oh my!

You're With Me, Leather

Normally, I don't publish scurrilous internet rumors on this site, because even though it is a blog I still have my journalistic standards. But this story is too good to pass up.

This guy claims to have been at a bar in Scottsdale, Arizona. His "friend was seriously putting the moves on this somewhat attractive young woman, who was wearing leather pants and had a leather jacket draped over her lap. They had been chatting at the bar for about an hour, and my friend thought he was in the house. But just as he was putting on the finishing touches, Chris Berman walks by. And without even breaking stride, Berman looks at the girl, points and says “You’re with me, leather.” And the girl looks up, instantly recognizes Berman, snatches up her jacket and walks out with him, leaving my friend in mid-sentence."

Chris Berman takes her back, back, back, to his hotel room

Where Shawn Gets His Money From

Shawn has had a strong recent run at the cyber poker tables. He never realized why his winnings increased during halftime of the Washington Wizards' games. Until now. Washington's point guard, Gilbert Arenas, plays online poker during halftime of games, to keep his mind going. That's just one of the quirks of the man who refers to himself as "the Dave Chappelle of the NBA."

Hoping to flop the nut straight on LeBron's head

Free Ice Cream

The hippies at Ben & Jerry's have declared today free ice cream day. A surprisingly high number of their franchises are not participating in the event however.

As Seen on CNN

You think gasoline is expensive?
At $2.91 per gallon you may think gas prices are out of whack, but CNN did a great piece to add some perspective to the issue.
Bottled water: A 20 ounce bottle of Poland Spring costs $1.19 or $7.62 per gallon.
Pepto-Bismol: An 8 ounce bottle costs $4.49 or $71.81 per gallon.
Nail polish: A half-ounce bottle of Revlon nail polish (they used "strawberry electric") costs $4.59 or $1175.04 per gallon. A good thing cars don't run on nail polish.
But the coup de grace was clearly printer ink. A Lexmark printer cartridge costs $32 and contains only a few mililiters of ink. At those prices printer ink costs more than $6,000 a gallon.
Now obviously, we use a lot more gasoline than those products. But when you think about how difficult it is to get gas (you have to drill for oil, sometimes in dangerous places, then you have to refine, then send it to a service station and dispense it from the pump) shouldn't it cost a lot more than water or coffee?

New Feature

I've been coming up with some new ideas for running features. "Ask the Concierge" and "Would You Bang?" have both been on hiatus but should return real soon. Mets recaps have been going strong, although the current West Coast swing has proven difficult. But our newest feature is going to be called "As Seen on CNN." We will be watching CNN exhaustively to try to bring you the best and most interesting stories, usually related to the world of business or finance.

Giants 6 Mets 2

Don't walk Barry Bonds to face Moises Alou. Randolph tried that twice and in the first Alou hit a three-run homer, in the 7th he drove in 2 with a single.

The Mets cannot hit. They didn't have a baserunner until the 6th inning. This problem is getting really bad. The whole team is in a slump right now and our most expensive player isn't playing. It's past time to bring up Lastings Milledge. He's batting .400 in the minors.

Matt Cain is a good young pitching prospect. He needs to work on his pickoff move, made two errors on throws to first.

Not much else to write about this one.

Forgot to mention from this weekend, they did some kind of poll, whether or not the Mets should retire Mike Piazza's number. 41% said no. I was very surprised by that, because even though I would say no, I really wouldn't have a problem if they did it. He had the best Mets career of any offensive player who didn't end up ruining his life with drugs. Plus no one else wants to wear #31.

Monday, April 24, 2006

The Secret to Life is Comfortable Shoes

Kevin Mench just hit another home run, his fourth in 5 games. This one came off Outsider Joe Blanton.

The More Things Change

While cleaning some stuff out of my mom's attic I found a note from brother dated July 12, 1990. He asked me to check his fantasy baseball injuries, particularly the status of Kal Daniels. Many of you may not remember Daniels but in 1990 he did hit 27 homers, drive in 96 runs and bat .296. Not bad for those days before the steroid era. 16 years later the Master and I are discussing Chris Shelton, Carlos Beltran's groin and reloading for next year after getting off to an 0-3 start. Some things never change, and hopefully they never will.

Wish we had an outfielder this good this year

Bears Sign a Criminal

The Bears signed former Panthers cornerback Ricky Manning to an offer sheet. That night Manning and some friends went to a Denny's in LA to celebrate. While there, they saw a man working on a laptop. They called him a geek and a nerd for bringing his computer to Denny's. The "nerd" complained to the manager at which point someone hit him in the face, then Manning and his group punched and kicked the man until he lost consciousness. Police arrested Manning for assault with a deadly weapon because he was joined by a group.

Manning ran out of the Denny's before finishing his Grand Slam breakfast

Sad to See Him Go

I loved the Lavar Arrington era in Washington and I am sad to see him go. I am devastated that he will be on the New York Giants. Arrington never reached his full potential with the Redskins in part because of stubborn defensive coordinators who wanted him to tailor his abilities to fit the team system. His game was not to cover the tight end and tackle him after a five yard gain. He needed to blitz the passer, destroy the ball carrier and create turnovers. The deal with the Giants looks like 7 years for $49 million but the incentives are tough and he surely won't serve the entire deal at these terms.

Charlie Sheen and The Concierge

The Smoking Gun made public the divorce papers filed by Denise Richards and her claim for a restraining order against Charlie Sheen. Richards contends that Sheen "belonged" to "disturbing" sites "which promoted very young girls, who looked underage to me with pigtails, braces, and no pubic hair performing oral sex with each other." Other sites visited by Sheen, Richards alleges, involved "gay pornography also involving very young men who also did not look like adults." Richards claims that she also discovered that Sheen "belonged to several sex search type sites" on which he "looked for women to have sex with." His online profile, Richards adds, included a photo of "his erect penis." The Richards evisceration also portrays Sheen as a lousy father who urged her to abort their first child. And, when she was about to give birth to their second child via a C-section, Sheen's attention was "diverted to his pager for the results of his betting." To illustrate Sheen's volcanic temper and abusive language, Richards's court filing includes transcripts of six phone messages he allegedly left her last April, while she was pregnant with the couple's second daughter. In one call, Sheen says, "You're a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright so fuck you." In a second message, Sheen appears to make a reference to Richards's female attorney when he complains about "two pregnant cunts...plotting against the rest of us."
I haven't sifted through all 17 pages of this yet, but I will and I suggest you should too.

the unhappy couple
maybe this is why he started loving girl-on-girl scenes

It's Gotta Be the Shoes Money

The Texas Rangers right fielder has missed five games this season because of a sprain in the second toe of his right foot. He's had two cortisone injections into the toe, the latter coming last Saturday. Rangers team podiatrist Dr. John Crates sent Mench to see a Dallas-area orthotics specialist.
Kevin Mench, outfielder for the Texas Rangers, has been struggling this season with a sprained toe on his right foot. He went to a specialist who said he had never seen “turf toe” on the second toe.
The specialist dipped Mench's feet in blue ink and then had him imprint them onto paper. The result: Mench’s shoes are too small, he should have been wearing size 12 1/2 instead of 12.
"Man, I'd been wearing 12s since I was 15 years old," Mench said. "That's the last time I had my feet measured, you know, when I went to the shoe store with my parents.
So Mench gave away all of his size 12s, street shoes and spikes alike. Now, he said he has no discomfort while walking or running. He said only time he feels pain is when he stretches his foot, as if to scratch it.
In the first ten games of the season Mench had zero home runs and zero RBI.
He started wearing the new shoes on Tuesday and had 2 RBI. On Friday he went 3-5 with a homer and 5 RBI. Saturday, another homer, 3 more RBI. Sunday was another homer and 2 more RBI. 3 homers and 12 RBI in 4 games as a 12 and a half.

Padres 7 Mets 4

The theme of this game is that Mets are going to have a lot of trouble winning games that Victor Zambrano starts. The calls to take him out of the rotation are only going to grow louder.

Just want to point that Josh Barfield is the song of the great Jesse Barfield. He's Jesse's boy, I wish that I had Jesse's boy. He's watching me with those eyes. Never mind.

David Wright is losing his MVP status. In the fourth inning the Mets were down a run he got up with second and third and one out, and struck out. He did get an RBI later but it was on a ground ball that rolled about 50 feet.

Ambivalence is knowing you need RBIs to win your fantasy game, and having your outfielder hit a grand slam against your favorite team.

Endy Chavez may finally be starting to hit. When his single made the game 5-4, the Reyes walked, I really thought the Mets would come back. Then I remembered Kaz Matsui was up.

Feliciano and Bradford gave up runs which is ok. No relievers are perfect so I'd rather give up runs in games we're losing, and not games we have a lead.

Jorge Julio pitched well again, striking out the side in the 8th. Although he did walk two batters he has definitely improved. And his improvement is going to put pressure on Zambrano in two ways. One, Julio will no longer be the fans' whipping boy. And if Julio can be counted on, it decreases the urgency to have Heilman in the bullpen. And a couple more starts like that one and Heilman to the rotation will become a necessary evil.

SportsNet New York also made Keith Hernandez apologize for his remarks about the female trainer.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Mets 8 Padres 1

Exactly the type of game the Mets needed. Now the worst that can happen is a split, and if Zambrano is good today maybe even taking 3 out of 4 is possible.

Pedro was excellent last night. He gave the team such a lift and made it impossible to lose. Although he did allow a homer right after he got the initial lead, that was the only hit for a long time.

Xavier Nady hit another home run to start the scoring. All five of his home runs this season have come in the second inning (his first time at bat).

The Great Ramon Castro followed Nady's second inning blast with one of his own.

Mike Piazza came up to lead off the bottom of the second, and I wrote down in my notepad "Mr. Bases Empty." And sure enough, Piazza hit a home run. Looking at Piazza's stats by situation for his last three years with the Mets, his best production came when leading off an inning, or with runners on first base only. His worst came with the bases loaded, or in close late game situations. The Mets stole only four bases against him last night. I think it could have been more but they were afraid to embarrass him. He cannot throw anyone out. Every team should run ever runner no matter who it is against him. His success rate is about 10 - 15%.

After Piazza's homer made it 2-1 the Mets loaded the bases with no one out in the third. Nady was up and Keith Hernandez and I both thought he should be ready to swing on the first pitch. Of course he took a fastball right down the middle and ended up grounding into a double play.

Castro was up next and singled home another run. I've gotten some facetious comments from some of you about my love of Ramon Castro. Maybe it was because I said that if I weren't worried about the tacit approval of Cuba's communist government, I would get a Castro jersey. But I honestly believe the Mets would have been better off with him than Piazza last year. And I think he would make a fine catcher if we hadn't gotten LoDuca. As it is, he is the best backup catcher in the majors. And LoDuca is probably the only regular the Mets can afford to lose for a period of time this year.

Viva Castro

The last four runs of the game were inconsequential but Delgado hit another home run. Just awesome. The runs were so inconsequential that Keith Hernandez didn't even write down the last two in his scorebook. Then Gary Cohen made fun of him for thinking it was a 5-run lead, instead of a 7-run lead. Cohen then immediately pointed out that it was after 1am eastern time.

Another strong performance by 2K Jorge, striking out 3 this time and allowing only one hit in two innings. He lowered his ERA to 8.31. Is he actually turning the corner or are my worst fears being realized? Can he pitch well in blowouts, giving Willie Randolph false hope? Will he eventually come into a game that's close and important and give up a home run?

"There's a girl in the dugout. I won't say women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout." Those are the remarks of the very progressive Keith Hernandez, after they showed Mike Piazza getting a fist bump from a woman in the dugout after his home run. Turns out Kelly Calabrese is a massage therapist on the San Diego Padres training staff and she dresses in full uniform for all the games.

Speaking of uniforms, I kinda like the Padres camoflage uniforms.

To Piazza, fatigue means army clothes
Sorry buddy, still not gay

Friday's loss was the Mets' 14th straight road loss in games that went at least 14 innings. That's the longest streak in major league history, 5 games longer than second place. It's been 20 years since the Mets won a game like that, my favorite game in Mets history.

July 22, 1986, the Mets trail 3-2 and Keith Hernandez hits a lazy fly to right. Dave Parker drops it, then makes his famous fist pump of disgust gesture. Mets tie it up. Later in the game Ray Knight and Eric Davis get into a shoving match at third, both are ejected along with Kevin Mitchell. Gary Carter has to play third, and Roger McDowell and Jesse Orosco have to shuttle in between the outfield and the pitcher's mound. Davey Johnson wanted to try it because he had "seen Whitey Herzog do it with Worrell and a lefty." He thought it would be interesting to try. "It was interesting to try, and interesting to watch." The Mets won the game on a 3-run homer by Hojo.