Saturday, December 12, 2009

Miserable Weekend Update

Two footnotes to the weekend of my discontent when Nebraska, Bones Jones and the Redskins all suffered heartbreaking losses.

I watched the Ultimate Fighter Finale a couple hours late because I was watching Nebraska, and by the time I got to his Facebook page there were about 100 comments on his wall, yet mine stood out enough in his mind for him to respond.

The Redskins cut their awful kicker Shaun Suisham and replaced him with Graham Gano.

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Punch Heard Round the Jersey Shore

Snooki gets punched!

Some women's rights groups are complaining MTV should not air this (I think it's on next week's episode) because it shows violence against women.

I admit it's pretty bad to punch a girl, even one as annoying as Snooki aka Schnookums aka Snickers aka Schnikers, but looking at this is pretty damn funny.

Michelle Braun Provided Whores for Tiger Woods

The latest twist in the Tiger Woods scandal involves Michelle Braun, the ex-wife of Farrell Kellener.
On the cover of the Daily News, along with a picture of Tiger Woods is this mugshot of Michelle Braun after her arrest on drug charges.

Michelle Braun's mugshot

The article claims that Woods paid as much as $60,000 for threesomes, and his favorite girl was Italian model Loredana Jolie (SFW).

She says Tiger liked the college-aged girl-next-door cuties and they said he was good in bed and has a big penis. Glad I know that.

He's Doing the Freeze Dance

Florida State offensive lineman Zebrie Sanders would be very good at a staring contest.

Evidently FSU coaches tell their lineman to stay still if they think the other team is offsides. Sanders may have taken this bit of coaching a little too far.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Which is Grosser?

I'm not saying I do either of these things but which is grosser, urinating in the shower or leaving floaters in the toilet due to the failure to check and see if a second flush is needed?

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Who Do You Love?

While Chase was driving his favorite Car, "Sarge" on my head and leg, we decided to ask him a few questions:

Whom do you love more, mommy or Sarge?
Whom do you love more, daddy or Sarge?
Whom do you love more, Diesel or Sarge?

True story

Song of the Week

"Chicken Fried" - Zac Brown Band
This is when country music is at its best. Down home Southern values expressed in the lyrics plus some cool fiddle playing. Plus, I also like my chicken fried.

"I thank God for my life
And for the Stars and Stripes
May freedom forever fly, let it ring.
Salute the ones who died
The ones that give their lives
So we don`t have to sacrifice
All the things we love
Like our chicken fried."

Tis the Season

The Kansas City Chiefs made a ton of mistakes in their 44-13 loss to the Denver Broncos this season. A sentiment summed up perfectly in this graphic from CBS

Chiefs do everything wrong -- including a partridge in a pear tree

Story suggested by Master Bates

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Like Those Pictures of Dogs Playing Poker

I love dogs. I love poker. But I hate those pictures of dogs playing poker.

That's sort of the way I feel about this CBS ad, a mashup of "Frosty the Snowman" and some classic Barney Stinson (NPH) lines from "How I Met Your Mother."

Parents groups are outraged over this saying a childhood classic should not be used in this way, especially since the dialogue they chose is particularly racy.

Personally, I just never understand why something is funny just because it's delivered by someone you wouldn't expect like babies cursing and old white people acting black.

But I like whiny complainers and complaining whiners even less than I like unfunny jokes. So I side with CBS here and say no long-term damage will come to any children who google "Frosty the Snowman" and get this clip instead.

What Did I Do to Deserve This?

I try really hard to be a good person, and for the most part I get rewarded, except when it comes to sports. Not only do my teams never win, they usually lose in heartbreaking fashion. There were three such examples this week of people I was rooting for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

It all started with Nebraska. The Cornhuskers played one of the best defensive games ever, completely shutting down a normally potent Texas offense. Unfortunately, this coincided with an historically bad performance by their offense – totaling only 106 yards. But on the last drive the much-maligned Zac Lee ran for 17 yards, and threw a 16 yard pass setting up what should have been the game-winning field goal. But here’s where they cost themselves the game. Adi Kunalic booted the ensuing kickoff out of bounds giving Texas the ball at the 40. The next play was 19 yard pass with a 15 yard horse collar tacked on, putting Texas at the 26. And despite Colt McCoy’s brain cramp that almost let time run out, Nebraska ended up losing a very winnable game.

Zac Lee leveled by Texas's rush

And then I watched The Ultimate Fighter Finale. Earlier this year I declared Jon Bones Jones my favorite UFC fighter. In part because I like his style, in part because I think he’s really awesome and I got on the train early. I also like the fact that two of his brothers play football at Syracuse including the great defensive lineman Arthur Jones. And not the least of it, I friended Bones and his babymama on Facebook. When Bones was booked to fight Matt Hammill I even asked her if it was ok to make fun of a deaf guy. She didn’t answer so I didn’t make fun of Hammill. Saturday night Hammill was getting completely dominated by Jones. Jones had the mount and was raining down blows. It turns out Hammill hurt his shoulder during Jones’s ridiculous slam and couldn’t defend himself from the punches. So here’s what you’ve got, Jones pummeling a near defenseless Hammill while ref Steve Mazzagatti watches. Twice Jones pleads with him to stop the fight. Then he went into “what do I need to do to get this guy to stop the fight” mode. So he delivered 2 or 3 vicious elbows to Hammill’s face. Unfortunately, dropping an elbow straight down (from 12 to 6) is illegal in MMA (side to side elbows are ok) so Jones had a point deducted. Here’s when things got weird. Mazzagatti twice asked Hammill if he could continue. He got not answer. Hammill couldn’t hear him, and he couldn’t read his lips because his eyes were bloody and damn near swollen shut. He probably would have said no had he been able to hear because he’d been beaten so badly and had a shoulder injury. But because the fight had to be stopped after an illegal blow (Mazzagatti used video replay to review the blows, believed to be the first use of replay in MMA history), the ref had no choice but to disqualify him, costing Jones a fight he should have won.

Jon Bones Jones can't believe Mazzagatti won't stop the fight

Then came the Redskins game, in a lost season the Redskins have been surprisingly frisky the last two weeks before blowing leads to the Cowboys and Eagles. Despite mistakes (a huge fumble after an interception that allowed the Saints to tie it before the half) the Redskins hung tough and had second half leads of 27-17, 30-20 and were poised to make it 33-23 when Shaun Suisham missed a 23-yard field goal. That gave the Saints another chance, which they used to throw a 53-yard bomb to send the game into OT. There Mike Sellers fumbled on the third play, a play so close it should not have been overturned on review. The Saints kicked the game-winning field goal giving the Redskins a loss in a game they should have won.

Shaun Suisham better not answer his door

To sum up the weekend of my discontent I will be putting flaming bags of dog poop on the doorsteps of Shaun Suisham, Steve Mazzagatti and the entire Nebraska offense.

Monday, December 07, 2009

In the Pink

Earlier this season Sports Illustrated used pink for the letters on its cover, after the NFL was awash in pink for breast cancer awareness.

A few weeks later when SI readers wrote in about the unique color, the section in the letters page was entitled "In the Pink."

When I told The Concierge about this he said "in the pink" is actual an expression meaning in good health. I think it has an entirely different meaning.