Saturday, September 15, 2007

What Do Diesel and Focks Have In Common?

They both like the Mets.
They both root for college football teams which started the season 0-2.
They are both Jewish.
They both have difficult to diagnose stomach ailments.
They both are on restricted diets.
They both have JSS.

To translate, Diesel has been sick (vomiting and diarrhea) intermittently during the summer and after a couple vet visits they still don't really know what's wrong but think it might be inflammatory bowel disease.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Better Late Than Never has a few good games for the football season and although we missed the beginning I've decided to create groups in each of them.

So follow the links and join the groups called Paul's Poop:

Pigskin Pick'em - all the NFL games against the spread

College Pick'em - straight winners in college games, ranked by confidence points

Eliminator - NFL knockout pool

Marbury Disgusts Me

Stephon Marbury had to get on the stand and answer questions during Isiah Thomas's sexual harassment trial.
Anucha Browne Sanders, the woman suing Thomas and the Knicks said Marbury was a big part of the problem. Marbury reportedly asked Sanders for 50 tickets and she told him he couldn't get that many he complained to her superiors and she had to come up with the tickets.
Also Marbury forced the team (by going right to Dolan) to hire his cousin, Hassan Gonsalves to a low-level job. Gonsalves was later fired by the Knicks for sexual harrassment and an incident in which he forged his boss's name on his timesheet.
But the most startling allegation against Marbury involves an intern named Kathleen Decker. In 2005, Decker, Gonsalves, Marbury and some other Knicks employees went to a strip club. Decker accepted a ride home to her dorm at St. John's by Gonsalves. Marbury followed them and when Decker got out of Gonsalves's car Marbury said to her "Are you going to get in the truck?"
Decker (exercising bad judgment, although she was drunk and afraid to deny Marbury) got in the truck and had sex with Marbury.
Marbury was quite the gentleman afterwards, although he didn't call her the next day he did send a text that said "I want some more of that."

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

It Sure Seemed That Way

“It seemed like (Brady) knew what we were doing...”

- Jets safety Kerry Rhodes

That's what Kerry Rhodes said right after the game. With more evidence coming out it's pretty clear the Patriots have been engaged in this kind of cheating for years. While I am against cheating of any kind I really think it's petty. It's up to you to give your signals in a manner that can't be decoded, even if the other team has them on tape.

It Takes a Village

I plan to teach Chase how to keep score of a baseball game. Mrs. Poop is going to teach him how to be a good, kind, thoughtful person. But there's a lot more he needs to know. Here is what I hope Chase can learn from the Poopheads:

TallSkott - Math
Razor - How to shave
Reissberg - How to take a joke
jusTON - How to build a deck
JLeary - Sound financial planning
Focks - The lyrics to "Hail To The Victors!"
Damino - How to throw a kick ass party
Josh - How to be heard above a crowd
Billy - How to dance
Pizza Parlor Derek - How to hook up at Darwin's
Beers - How to make a masculine child
Smokey - The rear naked chokehold
The Malcontent - How to write
SCZA - How to keep from your wife the fact that you pay $50 to watch UFC on PPV
Greco - Corporate logistics
Master Bates - How much urine is in those dishes of mints at diners
Step On Me - If you make a scene, the restaurant will give you your meal for free
Nails - The best restaurants in New York City
The Concierge - Everything else

Sucky Ducky Quack Quack

Song of the Week

"Elenore" - The Turtles
Another classic oldie that I love. In this one enjoy the inane lyrics including one of my all-time favorites ("your looks intoxicate me, even though your folks hate me"), the hair and clothes and the language of the times (gee I think you're swell).

Game of Skill

Pro Poker player Michael Gracz was cited with a misdemeanor gambling charge for playing at an unlicensed card room in North Carolina.
He said police resources would have been better spent going after sexual predators.
While I essentially agree with that point, gambling is illegal in North Carolina and it is up to the police to enforce the law.
He also pointed out that poker is a game of skill, which of course it is, and therefore shouldn't be illegal at all.

Gracz has a pretty decent poker resume. He won a World Series bracelet in 2005 and a WPT poker title (and $1.5 million) in the third season.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Whiny Jets

The New York Jets got their asses kicked by the Patriots on Sunday and now they are complaining that the Patriots stole their signals.

Big fuckin deal!

It's not like they broke into the meeting room through the air conditioning vent and eavesdropped on game plan meetings. They videotaped the Jets coaches. If they videotaped it, you could have seen it with your own eyes. I'm sorry, but nothing that happens in full view of a crowd of 60,000 people can be considered private. Why is there even a rule against this? I thought NFL teams gave plays names like "blue right red z out slant 42 britney sucks middle on 3" because they didn't want other teams to pick up on their systems.

And if that wasn't enough, Jets players and announcers and freaking out that fans cheered when Chad Pennington got hurt. First of all, it's not like he was seriously hurt. If he was laid out and fans cheered, that would be inappropriate. But this wasn't a permanent injury, and they weren't cheering that he got hurt, they were cheering that someone else was coming into the game. Since then every self-righteous sports talk host and reporter has taken a minute to get on their high horse about the deplorable behavior of Jets fans, even suggesting those fans should lose their season tickets.

Stop whining!

Never Forget

It always seems appropriate on this, the 6th anniversary of 9/11 to take a moment out (maybe at 8:46 am) and think back on that day, the day life changed.
In the span of one week I went to Connecticut for a wedding, witnessed the largest attack on U.S. soil up close, then went to Connecticut for another wedding, and sat for hours trying to get on the Goethals Bridge.
We haven't been attacked since then, but once was enough to forever change every American who was alive that day.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The NFL is Poop Week 1

Welcome to the NFL Son
My two favorite rookie running backs both had huge days. Marshawn Lynch rushed for 90 yards and a TD but was overshadowed by Adrian Peterson. The Vikings started the game by giving Chester Taylor the ball three times on the opening drive. He gained 18 yards and never carried the ball again. The rest of the carries went to Peterson who rushed for 103 yards. But his breakthrough moment came on a screen pass he almost didn't catch. He bobbled the ball, which allowed the blocking in front to create a lane for him, which he ran right through, for a 60 yard touchdown.

Pizza Parlor Derek's brother

look at his eyes, it looks as if he is looking at the jumbotron to see if anyone is behind him

Where's Michael Vick When You Need Him?
Joey Harrington was sacked six times and threw 2 interceptions as the Falcons got killed by the Vikings, 24-3.

Kicking Counts
Three teams won games on last second field goals, the Packers, the Redskins (in OT) and the Broncos. For the Broncos, Jason Elam redeemed himself after missing two kicks earlier in the game.

Tough Luck
Bears safety Mike Brown tore his ACL and is out for the season. In 2004 he played 2 games and suffered a season ending injury. He played 12 games in 2005 and 6 in 2006, when he suffered another season ending injury. Brown will have missed 43 of his team's 64 games over the past four seasons.

Monday Night Doubleheader
I really enjoyed the Monday Football doubleheader which featured two exciting but poorly played games.

Costly Penalty
With time running out and the Ravens trailing by 7 Kyle Boller (Kyle Boller!) connected with Todd Heap on a game-tying touchdown. But it was called back due to offensive pass interference. This was a bad call (there was contact, but it was minimal) but given the situation, it was terrible. The Ravens didn't rebound and lost the game. But they also have themselves to blame. They turned it over 6 times, including 3 fumbles in the first quarter.

Ocho Cinco Dons a 54 Long
Chad Johnson scored an early touchdown and his contrived celebration involved him donning a huge yellow blazer (like the one NFL Hall of Famers get) on the sidelines. I barely managed a chuckle at this display but I get much more annoyed at the stodgy old fools who decry antics like this as the end of western civilization. It's a game, it's fun and it should be fun. If Chad enjoys it, and some fans enjoy it (and I know some do), then he's not hurting anyone by doing it. Maybe he's calling attention to himself, maybe he's showing up the other team, but I have no problem with his gimmick and I enjoy his routines when they're funny.

Awful Announcing
The only bad part of the Monday Night Football Doubleheader was the trio of Mike Greenberg, Mike Golic and Mike Ditka in the booth for the second game. It's just like ESPN to try to promote their morning show ("Mike & Mike") by putting two inexperienced announcers in the booth. Why not tab a solid old pro like Mike Patrick for this one time event? Greenberg and Golic cut down on their schtick, but they are still used to that morning show format. At one point Greenberg said that Arnaz Battle didn't have a single drop last year, the only regular WR to not drop a ball. Golic then said everything he knew about Battle (he used to be a quarterback at Notre Dame), but none of it further illustrated the point or was all that interesting.

Awful Quarterbacking
The young quarterback duo on display in the Arizona-San Francisco game (Matt Leinart and Alex Smith) disappointed me greatly. Leinart consistently overthrew his receivers and missed open guys. Alex Smith just sucked, until the last drive when he got it together and led him team to the victory.

Holy Roller
A crazy play occurred at the very end of the Arizona-San Francisco game. On 3rd and 13 with about 30 seconds left, Alex Smith completed a 22 yard pass to Arnaz Battle who fumbled at the 1 yard line.

The ball rolled forward into the end zone. The 49ers recovered but the ball is taken back to the point of the fumble. The rule is designed to prevent an offensive player from purposely throwing the ball forward and a teammate recovering it ahead of the spot from when it was fumbled. This only applies to fourth down and the last 2 minutes of a half. This rule was put into effect after this play (listen to the announcer's adjectives for the play, and for Madden's butt):

Game of the Week
Chargers 14 Bears 3
I know there were some other higher scoring games, closer games, but I enjoyed watching this one. This was two awesome teams (probably the best in each conference) playing their games and the better team came out on top.
The Bears dominated the first half shutting down LT and holding the Chargers offense to 3 3-and-outs and several other short drives. Rex Grossman did throw an INT in the first half, but so did Philip Rivers.
A lot of fumbling in the second half. Benson fumbled on the Bears first drive but with 2nd and goal from the 1 Rivers fumbled it right back. This was a controversial play because it looked like the Bears were offside, and basically they blew up the snap and Rivers never got his hands on it.
The Bears couldn't capitalize however and they were forced to punt, which was fumbled, but San Diego held onto it.
But they couldn't do anything to they punted and Chicago fumbled the punt. But this time the Chargers recovered and they used the short field and some trickery to put their first points on the board. LT threw another touchdown, the 7th touchdown pass of his career. The Bears fumbled again on the very next drive (the other Adrian Peterson, this time) and the Chargers once again took advantage of the field position and scored a touchdown.
The Bears had one more chance but were stopped on 4th down.
One bright note for Bears fans, Rex Grossman was responsible for only 1 of the 4 turnovers.

Game of Next Week
San Diego at New England
Should be a great matchup and a preview of the AFC Title Game (the de facto Super Bowl this year). There is still some bad blood left over from last year's playoff game. Seems like NBC handpicked this game and ratings should be huge, no true NFL fan should miss this one.

Cheerleader of the Week
Romi Beam of the Denver Broncos Cheerleaders
There's a lot to like about Romi who has been a Broncos Cheerleader for 3 years.
She says her most memorable game was against the Chiefs and points out that the Rock was there.
John Lynch is her favorite player and "The Secret" is her favorite book. Maybe she uses the tricks of the secret to get John Lynch.
A place she would like to visit is the Poseidon Resort in Fiji where the rooms are underwater.
But the best thing about Romi is that one of the two people she would like to have dinner with is Tiger Woods. The other is Barney Stinson.

PPD would love to have Romi for his birthday present

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
A win is a win and a lot better than a loss. But I was very unimpressed by the Redskins performance at home against a mediocre, at best, Dolphins team. Jason Campbell was not impressive at all, his stats look better than they were because of that fluke pass to Antwaan Randle-El that almost won the game. The big problem is that Campbell threw 2 INTs and 0 TDs. The running game was good, especially at the end of the game. Portis and Betts combined for 157 yards. The defense played well, led by linebackers London Fletcher and Rocky McIntosh. But they only forced one turnover. They could have had another one when Fred Smoot stepped in front of a Trent Green pass late in regulation, but it bounced off his chest. In order to win the Redskins must run the ball and be in the plus column in turnovers. They only did one of those in this game, but still got the win. Next up, the Eagles on Monday night in Philadelphia.

Shaun Suisham, our hero

If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
The Chargers would beat the Cowboys 42-28. The Chargers are freakin awesome and as great as the Colts and Patriots, and even the Steelers played, I'm going to have see someone beat them before I take them out of this spot.

Happy Birthday Pizza Parlor Derek

The man with the gay smile turns 30 years old today.
For his 30th birthday he received a Sirius Satellite Radio and reacted like a small child who just got a new bike for Christmas.
I hope he used his new radio to listen to his Broncos win a tough road game with a last second field goal.
And I hope that in the next 30 years Derek spends less time chatting up girls on MySpace and more time writing for the Parlor and the Pride.
But that's a selfish wish, it's probably better for him to keep chasing cyberskirts.

Happy Birthday

I'm The American Dream

I wonder if any of you (other than The Concierge) remember the ads starring Latrell Sprewell after he choked P.J. which started his rehabiliation. He was getting his hair braided and he said "People say I'm America's worst nightmare, I say I'm the American Dream."
Well, I'm not a 3-time NBA All-Star, I don't make a lot of money, but I've got a beautiful wife, a beautiful son, a beautiful dog, I say I'm the American Dream.

Life Comes At You Pretty Fast Sometimes

We weren't expecting Chase until today (9/9 was the due date).
It's quite amazing how much has happened in less than three weeks.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Weekly Picks

BUFFALO +3 denver
For some reason I'm in love with the Bills this year. Marshawn Lynch and Lee Evans give them enough offensive firepower. And although J.P. Losman is shaky I don't expect Jay Cutler to be great yet. By the way, Chris "Mad Dog" Russo calls him J.P. Lonesome. There are four home underdogs this week and I expect at least one of them to win and since Cleveland, Green Bay and the Jets don't stand out for me, I like the Bills.

MINNESOTA -3 atlanta
I think the Falcons are going to be the worst team in the league this year and it starts with week one. While I am not in love with Tavaris Jackson I don't think the coaching staff is either. That means he won't get the chance to kill the team by making mistakes. I think Adrian Peterson will have a great rookie season starting with 125 yards and 2 TDs in this game. The one variable I am not counting on is the reaction of the Falcons without Michael Vick. They could be bound together emotionally and come out fighting, or more likely, Vick is such a bad passer that anyone, even Joey Harrington qualifies as an improvement. Time will tell, but bad teams on the road, field goal or less, I'll take the favorite.

SAN DIEGO -6 chicago
I just happen to think the Chargers are really awesome this year. I think they could be one of those really special teams that just dominates everyone all season and wins the Super Bowl easily. I know the Bears are good, especially on defense but Rex Grossman on the road against a pretty good defense in a game where a lot of points will be needed, well, I just don't trust Rex. The Bears will need to force a lot of turnovers and take an early lead or the Chargers will kill them, which is what I am predicting.

tampa bay +6 SEATTLE
Not sure why I like this game, I just think Jeff Garcia is good enough to keep his team in the game and I think Cadillac Williams is healthy and even if they only get 2 TDs they should lose by a score of 21-17 or something comparable. But my confidence percentage on this game is very low, probably about 60%.

detroit +2 1/2 OAKLAND

I really think the Lions will have an explosive offense this season. And seeing as how the Raiders are starting Josh McCown I don't expect them to score more than 14 points. So if the Lions can score 12, they should cover this spread. Tatum Bell and Calvin Johnson should be good for one TD each and Roy Williams will get 100 yards to set up their TDs.