Thursday, June 26, 2008

J.Lo Brings Her Big Butt to Staten Island

A group of kids at P.S. 37 in Staten Island, a school for autistic children, fell in love with Jennifer Lopez after their teacher played "Let's Get Loud" for them.
The kids liked the song so much that learned all the lyrics and the dance moves and chose it for their graduation song.
Then they wrote to J.Lo asking if she'd come to her graduation. The teacher says the kids thought the whole time that she'd want to come, maybe because they didn't understand how famous she is.
So boy what she surprised when J.Lo called the school to find out the date and time of graduation.
And true to her word she showed up, sang "Let's Get Loud" and gave those kids the thrill of a lifetime.

Story suggested by Razor

Old People Fucking

The Japanese have always had strange tastes when it comes to porn.
But even I was surprised to learn that Shigeo Tokuda is a popular porn star, he's 74 years old.
He has been in 350 adult films over the past 14 years, and says his wife and daughter have no idea.
Elderporn is big business in Japan and Tokuda has had big hits with "Maniac Training of Lolitas" and "Forbidden Elderly Care."
I wonder if Hideki Matsui has any Tokuda films in his collection.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Summer of Poop

We are going on vacation.
The summer of Poop starts with a trip to Baltimore for my parents' 40th anniversary celebration.
Approximate round trip distance: 398 miles

Then we are off to Maine for an abbreviated version of our annual summer vacation.
Approximate round trip distance: 624 miles

After that it's off to Hershey, Pennsylvania for JLeary's wedding.
Approximate round trip distance: 340 miles

Then we get back to work for three days before we go to Toronto for my cousin's wedding.
Approximate round trip distance: 980 miles

So not including other driving we'll be doing while at those locations that brings the total mileage to 2342 miles.

Assuming that Mellow Yellow gets about 19 miles per gallon, I'll have to buy about 124 gallons of gas.

At the national average of $4.07 a gallon, that brings my gas cost to $504.68.

That means I won't have much time to post things on the Poop or the Recap. I'll try to get something in every game for the Recap, even if I just lift stuff from the AP write, just so that I have some kind of record of every game. But you may not find very much or anything here at the Poop.

As usual when I'm away TON is in charge in case of breaking news (I hope another one of my favorite players doesn't die) or anything else he feels like writing about.

Song of the Week

"Tru Love" - Faith Evans
"Every moment hasn't been perfect but still
when it's perfect it feels
like we're the only two people who have something real"

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The New York Post is Horse Manure

We all know that the New York Post is a rag with no journalistic standards, but the way they tried to sabotage Jerry Manuel before his first home game as manager of the Mets was low, even by their subterranean standards.

The back cover blasted that Manuel called Mets fans "fertilizer." And the Post referred to us as "dung-ho Met fans."

According to the responsible Adam Rubin of the Daily News, here was the exact pregame sequence:

"Question: Jerry, the first few months of the season there’s been a lot of booing at Shea. Sometimes it’s been really vicious. How much does that drain a team?

Manuel: That’s a good question. I don’t know if it drains a team as much as it affects that individual. I think it does have an effect on the individual more so than the team. But, in saying that, we have to get to the point to where when they boo one, they’re booing all of us. And we have to understand and stay that close knit and be able to deal with that as we go forward.

Question: One guy who has been really hammered is Aaron Heilman …

Manuel: He seems to have done very well. He has responded very well. Again, it’s difficult. It’s painful. But it’s also growth. It’s growth for him. It’s very, very – I’m going to say this, and I hope y’all don’t take this wrong. I know you’re going to run out of here with something crazy on this. It’s very, very fertile ground for growth at Shea Stadium. It’s fertile ground for a team’s growth and development. Sometimes fertile ground has fertilizer. (Laughter in room.) Fertilizer is a good thing. It’s a good thing. You get the greatest results, you get the most beautiful plants, when you put it in that type of fertile soil. That’s what we have the opportunity to do. Don’t y’all take that wrong because I know what you’re going to do with it.

Tony the Terrible

When Omar Minaya fired Willie Randolph he seemed genuinely upset about it and said he wished he didn't have to do it, and he felt he had to finally let Willie go after reports hit the papers that he was going to be fired.

It seems those reports were sourced by a leak within the Mets organization, Omar's righthand man, Vice President of Player Development, Tony Bernazard.

Bernazard had an undistinguished career as a player.

Now Bernazard has the ear of the Wilpons and Omar Minaya. Despite reports that he was the source of the leak that led to Willie's firing, and despite reports that he used to take things Willie said about players in closed door meetings, and tell the players, somehow Bernazard still has his job.

And if those reports are true, then maybe this one is too. If Omar Minaya gets fired in the offseason, Tony Bernazard is the number one contender to replace him. God help us all.

Teenage Sluts

A group of 17 girls all ages 16 under are pregnant at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts. Because this is 4 times the school's normal rate of pregnancy one school official suggested the girls entered into a "pact" to get knocked up at the same time. Now there is some doubt about whether there actually was a pact, but there are still several questions that are bothering me.

Who are the fathers? One of them is reportedly a 24-year-old homeless guy. What did these girls do, go into an alley and ask the homeless guy if he wanted to fuck? I'm sure if this is anything like high school, no more than 10 dudes are responsible for these 17 pregnancies.

Where's the justice in this world? With so many older, responsible, married women having such difficulty getting, and staying, pregnant, why do these whores find it so easy? I'm sure if you took a group of 30 year old women who were all trying to get pregnant at the same time, at least a couple would be a few months behind, or not be able to get pregnant at all.

The school is now saying there was no pact and that once the girls found out they were pregnant they banded together and agreed to raise their kids together. What about the girls who were high-fiving when their pregnancy tests came up pregnant?

I spoke about this story to my neighbor who runs the daycare for a local high school. She takes care of the students' kids. She says her program has room for 24 kids, and each year her school has 80 pregnancies. She already has 6 incoming freshman who have applied for the service for September. That's 14 year olds.

What the fuck is this world coming to?

Shaq Got Snipped

Shaq got on the mic at an NYC club and unleashed an hilarious freestyle. The highlights include Shaq blaming Kobe for his divorce (Kobe told cops in his rape case that Shaq pays women off), Shaq dissing Patrick Ewing and the catchy hook "Kobe, tell me how my ass taste."
Oh and Shaq said he got a vasectomy, presumably to head off paternity suits.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Send It In

My girl, Candace Parker, became only the second player to dunk in a WNBA game.

If you can sit through about a minute of highlights, you'll see the video of the dunk.

End of An Era

For nearly 20 years the voices of New York sports have been Mike Francesa and Chris Russo aka "Mike and the Mad Dog" on WFAN.
But it now seems likely that they are going to break up.
Even though I hate them, I still listen because there are no better alternatives and because they have good guests.
Now it seems like their reign of terror is over.
Both guys are egotistical jerks so it wouldn't surprise me at all if their off-air fueds are responsible for this.
They aren't scheduled to work together very much if at all over the summer so this may take a couple months before it comes to fruition.
But apparently Mad Dog has a contract through next year, so WFAN would be unlikely to get rid of him. Francesa's contract status is unknown.
As much as I hate Francesa I really hope he is the one who stays. I cannot listen to Mad Dog when he is by himself.
I'd love to see one of them defect to ESPN Radio and go head to head against each other.
That would be interesting.
I should say that I do take this story with a healthy dose of skepticism because Newsday doesn't seem to have any hard facts or reliable sources.

Mike and the Mad Dog could be splitting up

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Blast from the Past

Susan Wagner High School sports mascot during my time there was a developmentally disabled 21 year old student, affectionately known as Nick Tooth.
Without going into great detail about him, I'll just relate one quick story.
When Danny Anderson became the first basketball player in Wagner history to score 1,000 points in his career, I was there and so was Nick Tooth.
When the basket when in, I stood on the sidelines and applauded. Nick ran on the court with a sign comemmorating Danny's accomplishment. The sign said Danny was the "frist" player in Wagner history to score 1,000 points.
I haven't seen Nick Tooth since high school, until he appeared on SNY's sports trivia show "Beer Money."
His first question was "how long is the NYC Marathon?" He said he ran it in 2005 so he knows that it.s 26 and a half miles. Even though it's 26.2 miles, they gave him the $10.
His second question was "who did the Knicks beat in the 1970 NBA Finals?" He quickly said Lakers and moved onto question 3.
This was a hard one "what was the proposed name for Shea Stadium before they decided to name it after William Shea?" Nick Tooth had no idea. When he got a hint ("where is Shea Stadium?") he said "Queens." Not Queens Stadium, not Queens Park, just Queens. The answer was Flushing Meadows Park.
But Nick represented himself well and I got a kick out of seeing him again.