Friday, March 09, 2007

How Did This Happen?

Indianapolis is in a uproar over a story that two 6th graders had sex (supposedly intercourse, not the catch-all "sex acts") in a classroom while a teacher was present.
It was some kind of shop class that was shaped like an "L" and one student acted as the lookout/created a diversion while as many as 10 kids watched one 11 or 12 year old kid nail another.
The bigger problem is that the school felt no need to report the incident. It didn't come out til four months later.
Their defense? It only lasted 30 seconds?
How long did they expect him to be able to last?

The 12 year old boy who still lives inside me wants to say "how come I couldn't bang someone in wood shop in I.S. 72."
But the nearly 30 year old man who is about to have a child thinks "what the fuck is wrong with kids these days?"

Booing Ban

This week reports have surfaced that the high school athletic assocation in Washington State wanted to ban booing at sporting events.
A couple things happened here. First is something that happens all the time in the media. Lazy journalists looking for a sensational story, grab part of it, and aren't fair in reporting the whole story. Of 10 banned things, booing was 11th on the list.
Then everyone made it out to be the further siss-ification of America's youth, which jusTON and I vehemently oppose as we promote a platform of "Tough Love for All."
But this story is different and I'll tell you why.
The idea behind the ban was not to protect athletes from the harsh realities of booing. It was designed to create a greater civility at games, in order to avoid fights, and other incidents, and offensive hurtful language.
If the media had fairly presented this as an effort to keep parents of opposing schools from screaming at 14 year olds it would never have been a story.
I would agree with any policy that ejects unruly adults who are treating children-athletes as professionals to the point of name calling and antagonizing the other team's fan.
I'd much rather live in a world with no booing and no on-field brawls among parents than the one we have now.
One other thing that media never mentioned...there were no penalties. The suggested guidelines (and that's all they were, just guidelines) never advocated action such as ejection, it was a suggestion that each school should police their own events to avoid behavior that could lead to brawls...starting with booing and heckling.

Role Models

Remember back in 2002 when a crazed shirtless man and his son jumped on the field and attacked a Royals coach?

Now the younger son, who was at the game that night, but not involved in the fracas was arrested for organizing a drive by shooting.

Michael Ligue, now 18, and four others are accused of pulling up to an apartment building while a in the car girl opened fire, using a gun she stole from her father's bedroom. They were avenging the beating of 17-year-old co-defendant Jacob Johnson's girlfriend, who was attacked by the intended victim's sister.

Ligue's father, William Ligue Jr., 39, remains in state prison on a 57-month sentence for violating his original probationary sentence. He is slated for release in June.

We can't help it, we are like our fathers.
I am between 190 and 200 pounds, just like my father.
Master Bates is an accountant, just like his father.
The Concierge knows how to fix things, just like his father.
Nails is bald, just like his father.
JusTON is hairy, just like his father.
Reissberg is rude, just like his father.

Idol Chatter

So I was wrong with all four of my predictions about who would go home.
The only thing I got right was that Sanjaya is way over with the tween girls.
Obviously they combine a much larger voting bloc than the horny dudes who couldn't keep Antonella around.

Furious that Sundance Head is gone. Thought he was really good. And we never got to see people throw foam heads at him during his performance.

Can't believe Sabrina went home. I thought she was one of the better people.

Carrie Underwood looked good but I just don't like her music.

I wish she had gotten implants too because I wanted to hear Seacrest ask again "so what else did you spend the money on?"

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Great Headline

you have to see for yourself

Brady Has Strong Swimmers

According to, sourcing a Brazilian website, Tom Brady's boys have done it again. Giselle Bundchen is pregnant. That makes two bitches the Golden Boy has knocked up in the past four months. He leads me by one, but I'll catch up.

Idol Chatter

Idol Chatter

Sanjaya must go. I absolutely hate when a male contestant sucks and their answer is to gay him up. What they did to him was ridiculous. They made him look, act and sing like a girl. But apparently he is over with the high school girls. That tween market does this every year. Some douchebag kid who can’t sing keeps hanging around (remember that red headed little douche and Chicken Little?).

None of the males are any good. I like Chris Sligh but he doesn’t seem to understand that the contest is about making people like you. Not singing songs your wife will enjoy. Sing something we’ve heard of…please. Maybe jusTON will tell me that whatever it is he sang was popular with Asian women and hairy dudes but I never heard it.

Mrs. Poop really likes the beat boxing guy and I could see why people would like him, but his songs are weird and I just don’t see him sticking around.

The women fall into two separate categories – the good black girls and the bad white girls. I hope Haley and Gina will go home this week.

I really want Antonella to stick around. Simon finally made a reference to her situation last night and commended her with the way she is handling it. People have recently tried to stir up a racial hornet’s nest about her vs. Frenchie but Antonella was not nude in any photos (BJ pics were fake, topless covering your boobs is not nude) and she did not get paid. That’s why she is still around. Although soft porn is definitely in her future if this whole singing thing doesn’t work out.

Among the good black girls there are the unattractive ones (LaKisha and Melinda) who are really awesome. And there’s Sabrina and Stephanie who aren’t great looking but have worn dresses that makes their bodies look damn good.

I said if LaKisha or Melinda looked like Antonella, they wouldn’t bother with the rest of the contest and sign her to a recording contract right now. But Mrs. Poop correctly points out that if that were the case, she’d have already been discovered.

Who should go this week: Sanjaya, Sanjaya, Sanjaya and Antonella
Who will go this week: Haley, Gina, Brandon and Phil.

Barbie Bandits are Strippers

The Barbie Bandits, a couple of young girls who robbed a bank branch in a grocery store, needed the money because evidently they weren't very good strippers.

They were seen on bank surveillance giggling and laughing as they demanded the money with a note, no weapon. They eventually got caught in part because the teller was an inside man on the job, which explains why he forked over the dough so easily. The incident caused such little stir that a customer standing behind them later told a reporter that she had no idea the bank had been robbed.

Now it turns out that Ashley Miller and Heather Johnston are 19-year old strippers.

Ashley's on the left, Heather's on the right

They work the afternoon shift at Shooter Alley in Atlanta, one of the many Atlanta area strip clubs frequented by NBA players visiting the Hawks, and by Georgia Derek on his lunch break.

Miller -- stage name "Adrienne" -- and Johnston -- "Charlie" -- worked there for at least two months. A co-worker says "Charlie was always smiling, just a sweetheart. She just said she played tennis in high school. We talked about kids, relationships, never nothing about criminal stuff. Charlie was just innocent looking. She could make you laugh just by watching her dance. She could just look at you, stick her tongue out; it was funny, being kiddie."

The proceeds from the robbery were "significantly more than $500" but they never give exact figures on how much cash banks keep. Two days later Miller and Johnston went on a shopping spree at a Gucci store in Atlanta and got their hair done.

Tournament Talk

Many of us thought Syracuse's win against Connecticut clinched a tournament bid. I say, not so fast. I believe the Big East will only get 7 teams this year.
Georgetown, Louisville, Pittsburgh, Notre Dame and Marquette are all locks. That leaves Villanova, Syracuse and West Virginia battling for two spots. Villanova is in because they have a very strong RPI. If they were somehow left out I believe they'd have the best RPI ever to miss the tournament. That leaves SU vs. WVU. I firmly believe the only way both teams make it is with wins today over Notre Dame and Louisville. I picked WVU over Louisville so I think SU may be left out in the cold if they don't pull it out against the Irish.
Before you go nuts...remember that SU has a horrible non-conference SOS (played zero tournament teams) and a pretty bad RPI by Big East standards.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

More Troubles for Melo

The yo-yo-ing continues in the career of Carmelo Anthony.

After the brawl with the Knicks I assumed he was due for an uptick. But the Nuggets acquisition of Allen Iverson apparently hurt Melo not helped.
An article in the Denver Post says George Karl may soon bench Melo because he's not listening, not playing defense and he's only interested in scoring (he leads the league).

I won't paraphrase the article like I normally do because it's original thought and deserves to be read in its entirety. Even though it's author is bumbling idiot on TV.

Song of the Week

Cupid's Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes
This song comes highly recommended from two of our favorite Poopheads, Mrs. Poop and jusTON

Mexican Carpet Worker Wins Mega Millions

One of the winning tickets for the $370 million (maybe more) Mega Millions jackpot was bought in Dalton, Georgia.
Mister Smisty used to live there and reports that the town is full of Mexican immigrants who enjoy gainful employment in Dalton's carpet business.
The other winning ticket was purchased in Southern New Jersey.
In other news, I went to work this morning and wasted $15 on lottery tickets, even though I know that lotteries are a regressive tax on the poor and the stupid.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Mrs. Poop's Favorite Song Not Appropriate for All Audiences

A physical education teacher at Chicago area Intermediate School was trying to use music to motivate kids during a jump-rope fundraiser.
During the school's annual Jump Rope for Heart fundraiser, P.E. teacher Kyle Hasler had a CD mix of upbeat songs put together to play while the students did jump-rope activities. The song "I'm in Love With a Stripper," by Gangsta Grillz mistakenly was added to the CD, Hasler said.
One fifth-grade student noticed the lyrics and reported it to her father. In the graphic version, mention is made of oral sex and pole dancing. A less explicit version is also available; it wasn't clear which version played at school.
Parent Stacy Stark said he pulled up the song on the Internet and was appalled at the lyrics.
"I think it's wrong, so wrong (to play the song in school)," Stark said. "It's pretty hardcore."
"That's not the type of music I listen to," said Hasler, a 17-year veteran with Minooka schools. "It was just a mistake. I was trying not to put on Lawrence Welk or Barney music. I try to do things so the kids can have fun. I regret that it was played in class and obviously it will not happen again."
King added that he can understand how Hasler didn't notice the words right away because it's hard to understand the lyrics of a lot of today's songs. The music was put together by someone else, and Hasler didn't listen to it before he played it in class.
King said from now on all music will be screened by the music department before being allowed in the classroom.
The Jump Rope for Heart program at the school raised more than $3,000 for the American Heart Association.

Does Syracuse Need to Win?

Sure seems that way. Even though Syracuse finished 5th in the Big East, a strong deep conference, week RPI and week SOS (strength of schedule) means that if they lose to UConn in the first round of the Big East tournament they could be left out. Seems strange but SU has a very weak non-conference schedule. They haven't played any tournament teams (assuming Drexel gets left out) because Oklahoma State and Wichita State both fell off.
Bottom line, I think SU should be in either way but if they don't beat UConn it's very possible they will be NIT bound.


Evidently some of you couldn't make out what it said in the over the shoulder box for the Krispy Kreme story. Hope this helps.
Click on the picture to enlarge for a better view.

Enjoying the Flight

On Northwest's redeye Monday morning from Seattle to Minneapolis a woman was headed back to college.
Near the end of the flight someone sat next to the woman as she was trying to sleep. He touched her, which she described as spooning, lifted her shirt and then got up and left. She felt a warm fluid on her back, clothes and seat after he walked away. She told the officers he had ejaculated on her.

All He Wanted Was a Little Head From His Girlfriend

A man in Tampa is accused of ripping off a large portion of his girlfriend's scalp with a six-inch knife.

Artest Arrest

Ron Artest was arrested after a woman said he shoved her to the floor inside his home and prevented her from calling 911.
The woman reported she and Artest were arguing inside the home when he pushed her. The argument moved outside when Artest tried to leave in his Hummer.
He pushed her to the ground and then tried to leave.
The woman threw a pot at the Hummer, shattering its windshield.
We don't know the woman's relationship with Artest but a 3-year-old girl was inside the house during the incident.
"The Kings have excused Ron Artest indefinitely from any further participation with the team due to his arrest today for domestic violence," GM Geoff Petrie said in a statement.

Topps Sold

A couple of you sent me this link and I sent it to TallSkott. It's completely meaningless, nothing will change with Topps baseball cards. As a customer we don't care if the company is public or privately owned.

Topps Co. Inc., known for sports cards and Bazooka bubble gum, said Tuesday it accepted a $385.4 million takeover offer from a buyout group that includes Michael Eisner, the former chief executive of The Walt Disney Co.

The buyout group, which includes The Tornante Co. LLC, founded by Eisner, and the Chicago-based private equity firm Madison Dearborn Partners LLC, has agreed to pay $9.75 for each Topps shares, which represents a premium of 9.4 percent over the stock's Monday closing pricing of $8.91 on the Nasdaq Stock Exchange.

The deal has been approved by the Topps board.

Topps said in a statement that the deal still faces regulatory approval and a vote by Topps shareholders, but is expected to close in the third quarter.

The company also said it "intends to solicit superior proposals from third parties during the next 40 days."

Eisner stepped down in 2005 after more than two decades years as chief executive of Disney, the entertainment and media company that owns theme parks, movie studios and the ABC, Disney and ESPN television networks.

Topps was founded in 1938 and makes Major League Baseball, NFL, NBA and other trading cards. In addition to Bazooka bubble gum, it owns the candy brands Ring Pop and Push Pop.

"This will be a change in ownership, not a change in direction," Topps Chairman and CEO Arthur T. Shorin said in a statement.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Krispy Cream

Not sure if this really aired on the Augusta, Georgia NBC affiliate or if the words were superimposed later.

Welcome Back

The Redskins resigned Fred Smoot to a 5 year $25 million dollar contract.
"I thought it was a mistake to leave," Smoot said. "Not many people get a second chance to make it right. ... This is my home. I don't have to learn any new coaches. I don't have to learn any new city. It's just like moving back in that old room at my momma's house."
"I never really got comfortable there [in Minnesota]," Smoot said. "I always felt like a stepchild. .. Every time I got going, something happened. My brother died, the boat situation, the car accident. So a lot of stuff happened, and it humbled me in life."

How many double sided dildos can a man buy with $25 million?

we tease him a lot cuz we got him on the spot welcome back

A Little Melo is On the Way

Nuggets forward Carmelo Anthony he "probably" will miss at least one game because of the birth of his first child.
Anthony's fiancee, La La Vazquez, is due to give birth to a baby boy Tuesday.
"Oh, yeah, I'm going to be there," Anthony said of the birth.

half on a baby

Definitely Intentional

Duke's Gerald Henderson threw an elbow into the nose of North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough because he was pissed that Hansbrough was still in the game and playing aggressively with a 12 point lead and less than a minute to go.
Of course the announcers made apologies for him. Coach K said it was an accident. But everyone else who saw it says he looked intentional.

Tommy LaSorda Likes Porn

A new book called "Secrets of a Hollywood Super Madam" by Jodi Babydol Gibson claims that former Dodgers manager Tommy LaSorda was a frequent client.

CHAPTER 12: Gibson, who refers to herself as "Sasha", writes that she got a call from client "Jim in Chicago," who recommends Lasorda.

Lasorda: "I’m interested in spending some time with someone."

Sasha/Gibson: "Sounds fine. Have you had a chance to look at my California Dreamin’ website? Perhaps there’s someone there you like?"

Lasorda: "Actually, I have. There’s a pretty blonde on there I’d like to meet. #6."

Sasha/Gibson: "She’s a sweetie. Her name is Nanna. She’s Swedish, about 5’6’’, nice perky 34b, slim and terrific company. Perhaps you can tell me what you’re looking for? Anything in particular I should know?"

Lasorda: "Actually, Sash, I’d like to have some porn for me to watch while she sucks my dick. I’m into watching two gals together in a movie. Can she have that there?"

Sasha/Gibson: "How much time are you looking to spend?"

Lasorda: "I’m not sure, maybe an hour and a half. I don’t have that much time. How much for that?"

Sasha/Gibson: "It’s $1,000 per hour. So that would cost you $1,500. You can visit her at her place. She lives in the Hollywood area."

Lasorda: "That sounds fine, Sash. I’m looking to get together this week. I’m thinking Thursday late afternoon. I’ve got to get home to the wife for dinner."

(After the encounter)

Nanna: "He was super easy and a really nice guy. You were right on all counts, Sasha. First he requested I pop in my girl, girl porn movie. … He just loved watching all that! I noticed though that he wasn’t the aggressive type."

Sasha/Gibson: "Really? What makes you say that?"

Nanna: "Well, here I had this real hot porn movie on. He enjoyed watching the girl, girl bisexual sex scenes best. He started to take his dick out and jerk off.

"Then when I saw he was good and hard I started to suck his cock. He really liked that! Then I used your ‘swirly’ move and relaxed my throat muscles so I could take him deep into my throat.

"The great blow job skills you (Sasha/Gibson) taught me plus the porn really got him off."

Note: I had to reinsert the deleted expletives so they may not be exact. LaSorda denies these claims and is threatening to sue.

Real or Fake?

Brian Urlacher attempts to find out

Urine Trouble

For a guy with a CPA's demeanor, he has a sense of humor that a 12-year-old would envy. Maddux is a master of strategically timed nose picking, sidling up to an unsuspecting rookie in the shower and urinating on the kid's leg, and inventing just the right nickname for a teammate with big ears, a prominent schnozz or some other pronounced physical qualities.

Urinating on the kid's leg? TallSkott would love that game.

Starting Young

Idiot teenagers give pot to 2 and 5 year old kids while their mother sleeps in a back room.