Friday, June 12, 2009

This is Why The Mets Suck

Somehow, some way, they always find a way to lose. They have no idea how to win ballgames but they do everything wrong all the time to lose crucial games.
Just a terrible horrible team with soul-crushing defeats in a row.

By the way, no one seemed to notice but besides dropping a popup, Castillo for some reason threw the ball to second. Had he thrown home he might have gotten Teixeira.

Dispatches from Vegas

I received a bizarre late-night phone call from the Focks bachelor party contingent last night.

It started with Freedo saying "hello, this is Etan Thomas." Then he started shouting obscenities about Eric Devendorf before the Concierge wrested the phone away from him.

The Conch then told me of his dismay that Warren Moon had just walked into the restaurant (Wolfgang Puck's) with 7 hot women and was seated immediately. The Conch voiced his displeasure at the preferential treatment given to an accused wife-beater. Evidently he voiced these concerns too loudly for Nails who urged him to shut up.

Then TallSkott took the phone so the brothers could argue. Scat continues to insist he will head over to the Rio at some point to check out the World Series of Poker though I believe this has a less than 1% chance of happening since he probably won't find anyone else in the group willing to join him.

But if the Conch can pick a fight with a former NFL quarterback I'm ready to believe anything.

Upcoming Product Reviews

"Wendy's will start selling boneless wings this month starting at $3.99.

Sweet & Spicy Boneless Wings will be made of chicken breast. They will be tossed with three sauces: Sweet & Spicy Asian, Honey Barbeque and Bold Buffalo.

Orders will contain seven to nine pieces depending on weight and start at the suggested price of $3.99.

An ad campaign supporting the new offering will begin on June 22."

I never eat at Wendy's because I don't like anything on their menu but this is a game-changer.

"Anheuser-Busch is launching a wheat version of Bud Light this fall.

The national roll-out of Bud Light Golden Wheat the week of Oct. 5 is the second extension of Bud Light, after the St. Louis-based brewer launched Bud Light Lime last year. Bud Light Lime has since become one of the company's most successful new products.

It's a way to boost sales since the different versions typically cost more than the original, by about $1 to $1.50 more a six-pack, he said.

Anheuser-Busch came up with an offshoot of Bud Light that uses unfiltered wheat, orange and coriander to give its stalwart brew a new twist. The beer has a cloudier look since the wheat is not filtered and has a sweeter taste.

Levy said the company is working on its advertising for Bud Light Golden Wheat and said it expects to spend about the same as it spent last year on Bud Light Lime's launch — around $30 million — to market it through television, national print, online and other media.

The new beer has a few more calories and carbohydrates than Bud Light: 118 calories compared to 110, and 8.3 grams of carbohydrates, up from 6.6 grams. The new brew has slightly less alcohol at 4.1 percent by volume, compared with Bud Light's 4.2 percent."

I don't really like Bud Light, nor do I care that much for these wheat beers but it should be interesting to try. I have a feeling the Concierge will take one sip and say "too much coriander."

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I'm Calling Bullshit on This

An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress she said had almost $1 million inside, setting off a frantic search through tons of garbage at a number of landfill sites on Wednesday. The woman told The Associated Press that she bought her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise present on Monday — and threw out the old one.

The next day, she said, she remembered that she had hidden her life savings inside the old mattress. "I woke up in the morning screaming, when it hit me what happened," said the Tel Aviv woman, who asked not to be identified.

She went to look for the mattress, but it had already been hauled away by garbage collectors, she said. Searches at three different landfill sites turned up nothing.

She said the money was in U.S. dollars and Israeli shekels. She refused to say how she acquired such a large sum. "It was all my money in the world," she said. There was no way to verify her claims, and she refused to disclose key details.

The woman said the money had been stashed in a mattress because she had had "traumatic experiences with banks" in the past. She would not elaborate.

There is absolutely no way this is true. Even the AP doesn't believe this liar. It all comes down to Occam's Razor. The simplest explanation is the best.

So let's compare our two scenarios:

In one case you have an old woman with a million dollars in the mattress.
Her daughter decided to buy her a new mattress.
Instead of just telling her, she snuck into her house like a thief in the night and threw out her old mattress. Where was the elderly woman during this?
And the mother forgot all about her million dollars until the morning, when conveniently the garbagemen came and threw out her million dollar mattress.


You have a woman telling a lie. Not sure why she would lie about it unless she owed someone money, but this story is just too unbelievable to be true.

I Always Know Better

Several months ago I suggested the UFC should offer Kimbo Slice a one-fight deal. I felt it was a no-lose situation for them, either Kimbo is proven a fraud or they get a decent fighter with huge name recognition.
Supposedly smart MMA fans (SCZA & TON) said it was a bad idea that would never happen and should never happen.
But Dana White listened and offered Kimbo a spot on The Ultimate Fighter, and amazingly Kimbo has accepted.
Kimbo will be among the fighters on TUF 10 coached by Rampage Jackson and Rashad Evans. Kimbo just sort of belongs on Rampage's team, doesn't he?
Unfortunately for Kimbo, it's his ground game that needs work (and his conditioning) and he's unlikely to learn that from either of those two guys.
I've been rooting for Kimbo all along, I like him, I like his story, I like his beard, and his appearance on the EliteXC card is the main reason I started to get into UFC. So I hope he does well (would suck if he didn't even win his way onto the show) and at least earns himself some UFC fights in the future.

what the fuck is up with Kimbo's belly button?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,778

I actually like scented candles. I like when the house smells like something nice as opposed to my farts, Chase's poop or Diesel's breath.

But I don't really like flowers or fruit or any of the stuff candles normally smell of.

That's why I once suggested scents to Yankee candle (fresh mowed grass, bacon), but they don't accept customer suggestions.

Note: I also suggested a candle that smells like gasoline or natural gas -- but as a gag gift. Imagine how hysterical that would be, you invite a guest to your home, he or she smells gas, then sees a candle burning. Hilarious.

Because Mrs. Poop is so great, she bought my a candle that smells like a root beer float. And it's 100% true, my whole house smells like an old fashioned malt shoppe right now.

Additional note: Mrs. Poop purchased this candle from a friend's kid as part of a school fundraiser, meaning she did well and did good simultaneously.

Yankee Candle Root Beer Float

We Must Protect This Nest

Crazed blackbird in San Francisco swoops down to attack unsuspecting passersby. The last woman, the one in the red jacket is the best. She acts as if she's been shot.

Song of the Week

"Birthday Sex" - Jeremiah
"girl you know I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I"

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

These Fuckers Gotta Buy

Throughout the nearly four years of The Poop the blog is been a labor of love (more labor than love lately) I never anticipated nor expected any financial gain.
But that hasn't stopped me from trying.
I've earned about $200 from participating in Google's ad program.
Now I'm also an Amazon Associate.
You may have noticed the ads that come along with Paulo's Book Club and even a product review.
Amazon pays me 4% of the purchase price for any item purchased directly from an ad on The Poop.
It's not going to make me rich but if you're buying the item just the same then wouldn't it be nice to play Robin Hood and kick a little something back my way.

We thank you for your support

Zack Attack

Zack Morris appears on “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.” Not Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Zack Morris. He stayed in character the entire time.

What makes that so hysterical is that they hit so many great references culminating in the Roots playing “Friends Forever.” About the only they missed was “there’s no time, there’s never any time.”

Monday, June 08, 2009

Why I Love Daniel Negreanu

With the World Series of Poker starting in Vegas this week, following the live updates online put me in the mood for some poker.
Thanks to my DVR Expander I had all 6 weeks (12 hours) of the NBC Heads Up Championship saved.
Watching those episodes made me fall in love with Daniel Negreanu all over again.
First, Daniel showed up for a match against Scotty Nguyen, dressed as Scotty Nguyen and staying in character the entire match. He even responded to shouts of "Go Scotty!" from the railbirds with "thank you baby."

Daniel Negreanu dressed as Scotty Nguyen

Then during a match against Vanessa Rousso (which he lost), he serenaded her with "I Kissed a Girl."

Side note: The producers of the show loved to sprinkle in popular music going to break but thankfully they only used "Poker Face" once.

So after that I looked up Daniel on Twitter and found out that not only is he on Twitter, he is frequent with his updates, providing details of hands almost as they happen. And then there was this great tweet:

Daniel Negreanu hysterical tweet

Update: Daniel made the final table of the limit hold em 6-handed tournament. I watched some of this tournament live on the internet (after he said he would stop twittering during the final table) and Daniel had a huge chip lead 3-handed, but when it got heads up he kept getting outdrawn (and in limit it pays to keep calling sometimes). So Daniel finished second (good but not a bracelet) and Brock Parker won (that bastard!)