Friday, December 24, 2010

Mrs. Poop's Christmas Message

Mrs. Poop is trying to make a fashion statement this holiday season. I'm just not sure what that statement is.

Note: The headline of this post is an homage to the funniest moment of my professional career. When writing the banner (the thing that appears on the lower third of your screen) for a story on the Pope's Christmas Message one writer learned how much of a difference one letter can make. The banner read: The Pope's Christmas Massage.

Santa's on Macy's Naughty List

Santa Claus has been canned from Macy's, and he's anything but jolly about it.
John Toomey, known for 20 years at the Union Square Macy's in San Francisco as "Santa John," was told Saturday he'll have to take his "ho, ho, hos" elsewhere because an adult couple complained about a joke he cracked.
"When I ask the older people who sit on my lap if they've been good and they say, 'Yes,' I say, 'Gee, that's too bad,' " Toomey said .
"Then, if they ask why Santa is so jolly, I joke that it's because I know where all the naughty boys and girls live."
The kids who sit on his lap, he said, get only his trademark laugh and questions about what toys they want.

You mean to tell me a grown woman sat on Santa's lap, then complained about a joke, that joke? If the couple was so offended by it why couldn't they walk away. How could that joke have offended them so greatly they felt the need to complain. And the store, in San Francisco of all places, felt the need to fire the guy. The oversensitive babies are beginning their War on Christmas.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Rex Ryan's Wife Puts Her Best Foot Forward

Rex Ryan basically admits his wife is in the foot fetish video. He says "it's a personal matter" over and over again. If it wasn't her, he would have just said "it's not her."

That even sounds like Rex's voice, and I'm sure it is.

The question is: why is this such a big deal? Why is this personally embarrassing? Note: I'm only talking about the videos, not the contest of the profiles allegedly appearing on certain websites. His wife is not doing any wrong, morally or legally. If she wants to show off her feet to foot fetishists on the internet (like TallSkott) that’s her business. Deviance is in the eye of the beholder. She has lovely feet and if someone derives sexual pleasure from looking at them that’s their problem and not hers. Or Rex Ryan’s. I understand why it’s a news story, people are interested, even I’m interested. I just don’t see how any part of this is can be construed as negative or personally embarrassing.

Here’s the best analogy I can make: I’m sure plenty of athletes are married to Victoria’s Secret models. They walk around in their underwear and put the video on TV, the internet you name it. They have nice boobs, she has nice feet. And I bet a lot more guys jerk off looking at Adriana Lima’s tits than Michelle Ryan’s feet.

So can someone please give me one good reason why the Ryans should be embarrassed or ashamed of this?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Song of the Week

"Christmas in Hollis" - Run DMC

Two Feet of Snow Next to My Car

Literally two feet of snow

story suggested by Mama Poop

The NFL is Poop - Week 15

It Would Have Been Enough
The Giants lost what I call a “dayenu” game. Had they tackled Brent Celek, that would have been enough. Had they not tackled Brent Celek but they recovered the onside kick, that would have been enough. You see where I am going with this. There were about 10 things the Giants could have done in the game to hold on for the victory. If they hadn’t done 9 of them, but did 1, it would have been enough – at least to force overtime. Instead the Giants go down to an embarrassing, crushing defeat. Now their division hopes are likely gone, and their chances at a playoff berth likely depend on them beating the Packers this week.

why would you kick to this guy?

The Frozen Tundra Does in Brett Favre
Brett Favre has turned into Rasputin, you can’t kill the guy. Just when we thought he was finished (with his starts streak over why would be bother coming back for a losing team?) he pulled one over on all of us and started Monday night’s game against the Bears. He even threw a touchdown pass. But when his head got slammed to the frozen turf he got concussed. A sad image for one of the game’s greats. His last time on a football field and he’s laying face down.

Favre facedown on the turf

Now It’s Confirmed
We always thought Devin Hester was the best kick returner to ever play in the NFL, now we know for sure. His 14th career kick return (combined kickoffs and punts) is a new NFL record. And amazingly he almost did it earlier that same quarter when he returned the opening kickoff of the second half 79 yards to the 6, just moments after Mike Tirico suggested he could break the record. Some were worried that his escalation to full-time wide receiver would sacrifice his time and effort as a kick returner. In his first two NFL seasons, Hester had 20 pass receptions (2 TDs), and 11 kick return touchdowns. In the next two seasons he had 108 receptions (6 TDs) and zero return TDs. This year his pass-catching numbers are down slightly, to 30 (3 TDs) but he has 3 punt returns for touchdowns.

Windy City Flyer sets the all-time kick return record

Hopefully We’ll Never See Donovan McNabb in a Redskins Uniform Again
Let me start by saying I am not thrilled with the prospect of turning over the future of the Washington Redskins to Rex Grossman. But I consider it a win if Donovan McNabb is never under center again. The McNabb experiment was a nice try, but it failed. I have no idea why they extended him. It seems pretty clear the decision-makers on the contract and on the starting QB at game time, are different people, with vastly different goals, purposes and opinions on McNabb’s play. Mike Shanahan obviously sees what the rest of us see – McNabb is bad and getting worse. Grossman threw 4 TDs, almost leading a very stirring comeback against the Cowboys. It seems like he will get the chance to play in the last two games, as will 3rd stringer John Beck, who will be promoted to backup in another slap in McNabb’s face. I don’t think the long-term solution is on the team right now. It seems the Redskins will have to hit rock bottom, draft a QB high in the first round and build around him. Until then a parade of big names and big contracts (at all positions, not just QB) will continue to lead to this once proud franchise’s continued demise.

Not a Bad Debut
I have often used this space to conjecture that Tim Tebow will not be a good NFL quarterback, not even a serviceable one. In fact, he’ll be so bad he won’t even be a consistent NFL starter at any point in his career. In our poll after the draft, half of you suggested he’ll be a starter at QB for 4 NFL seasons. He’s got one so far, and even though he can’t throw (8 for 16 for 138 yards) he can run (8 for 78, including a 40-yard touchdown). If he follows the Michael Vick model (without the personal growth stemming from a prison term) he might have something, though I don’t think he is that fast, or has that strong of a throwing arm. I think he’ll probably start the final two games of the season then get relegated to the bench again when the Broncos bring in a new coach.

Tim Tebow's mechanics still aren't up to snuff

If the NFC Championship Game Were Played Today
The Eagles would go into Atlanta with Michael Vick at quarterback. That would be a great storyline and the way these two teams are playing right now I give it at least a 50/50 shot at happening.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Which is Gayer?

Whic is a gayer song to sing while inflating a tire, "Pump up the Volume" or "Pump up the Jam"?

Ken Jennings Versus the Machine

Two of Jeopardy's most successful champions -- Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter -- will play two games against "Watson," a computer program developed by IBM's artificial intelligence team. The matches will be spread over three days that will air Feb. 14-16.
The "Jeopardy!" answer-and-question format will be a challenge. It often requires contestants to deal with subtleties, puns and riddles and come up with answers fast.
"Watson" is named for IBM founder Thomas J. Watson. It will look nothing like the computer "maid" on "The Jetsons." Rather, IBM said its on-screen appearance will be represented by a round avatar.
The computer has already been tested in some 50 games against past "Jeopardy!" champions. But neither IBM nor "Jeopardy!" representatives would say what "Watson's" record was.
The winner gets a $1 million prize. IBM said it would donate its winnings to charity, while Jennings and Rutter said they would give half of their prize money away.

Monday, December 20, 2010

What Do You Give Me For? JLeary and the Guy at the Knicks Game

Juice and Focks noticed a guy who looks a lot like JLeary on TV at the Knicks-Heat game Friday night, seated right in front of Robert Randolph.