Thursday, August 01, 2013

Near-Death Experiences

Most of my posts about the Universe involve insignificant incidents like the Universe bringing me the Mr. Belvedere theme, or a silly hat or candy or Mark Feinsand, but this is a little more serious.
On Monday I was completely unharmed by two experiences that could have ended really badly.
On the way to work a slow car was holding up traffic in the left lane. I later passed this car and saw the driver to be an Asian woman (double whammy). It is always my contention that slow drivers cause more accidents than fast ones. This driver was going so slowly in the left lane that the center lane was full of people zipping past (though not at an excessive rate of speed). This left me and the two drivers in front of me frustrated, because we were essentially trapped behind Yoko Ono is a Prius. Eventually we came up on accident scene where traffic was slowed. The unsure, nervous driver in the Prius must have jammed on her brakes, and the two frustrated drivers in front of me jammed theirs as well. But they were driving too close and collided with each other (though not with the Prius). I jammed my brakes as hard as I ever have. Tires squealed, everything on the seats went flying off, kids books and stuff from the back came to the front, I was shot forward too, until my seatbelt locked. But luckily, and very narrowly, I avoided being part of the accident. I noticed a piece of someone's bumper in the road, and the two cars pulling off to the shoulder. Later that day, while doing my late night Paul-ates, the walking cool-down lap, I heard a crack and a crash. It wasn't windy at all, but it sounded like a tree branch being broken. I stopped and looked around but it was too dark to see. Then I walked about 5 more feet and saw this.

Had I been walking just a little bit faster I might have been under that branch when it fell.

This is what it looked like the next morning:

I'm not saying it would have crushed my skull or that I would have died in the car accident had there been one, but no one wants to be whacked in the head by a falling branch or involved in even a minor fender-bender.

And I'm perfectly happy to give the credit for these near-misses to the mysterious power that watches over me.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Song of the Week

"Like Glue" - Sean Paul
This is my pick for 2003 because Sean Paul was the first reggaeton artist to bring the genre to major popularity in the U.S. Also, a couple of other great choices from this year have already been SOTW.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

3000 Words

"Guys With Kids" got canceled but its humor will live on, such as this sight gag where one of the kids got a temporary tattoo at a birthday party.

Scott Clements was evidently collecting all the small denomination chips.

Yao Ming takes a picture with a 4'11" waitress.

Funny or Douchey?

Dustin Wray booked a room for himself and his girlfriend and the Woodlands Resort in Texas. As he completed his online booking he noticed a section for special requests. He wrote "Three red M&Ms on the counter. Not packages, just three single M&Ms. One for me, one for my girlfriend and one to split if we get hungry late at night. And a picture of bacon on the bed. I love pictures of bacon."

When he got there he saw 3 red M&Ms on the counter and was initially confused by it, because he had forgotten his own request.

Then he saw a framed picture of bacon on the bed and it all came back to him.

I think we all agree the hotel actually doing this stuff is funny, and this guy not tipping extra is douchey. But judge by the other stuff, the simple fact that he made this request, and what he requested, funny or douchey?