Friday, April 13, 2007

Noted Philosopher Weighs In

"It's a completely different scenario. (Rappers) are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We're talking about hos that's in the hood that ain't doing shit, that's trying to get a nigg* for his money. These are two separate things. First of all, we ain't no old-ass white men that sit up on MSNBC going hard on black girls. We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them mutha fuckas say we are in the same league as him. Kick him off the air forever."

-Snoop Dogg

What I Should Have Said Theater

Executives at MSNBC and CBS:

"Due the despicable remarks made by Don Imus which caused so much hurt and so much controversy we no longer feel that we can in good conscience allow his program to be broadcast on our network. His termination is effective Monday, April 16th. This will allow Mr. Imus to conduct his annual radiothon which benefits three fine and worthy charities. While we are dismayed at his remarks, we appreciate his efforts to heal the wounds he has caused. One way he does that is by enriching the lives of the people who benefit from his great charitable works. We also want to allow Don Imus two days each year to continue the fine tradition of the radiothon that he started 18 years ago.. The decision to allow him to continue on our airwaves for two more days has nothing to do with Mr. Imus himself, or the young women he has insulted. This decision was made with thoughts of the many sick youngsters who lives are made better because of the money Mr. Imus raises. We know that Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are vehement in their demands for Mr. Imus' immediate termination, but they are just going to have to hold their venom for two more days. Given the circumstances they should have no problem doing so."

Welcome to "What I Should Have Said" Theater

Because I'm smarter than everyone and I know better I'll be introducing a new feature called "What I Should Have Said" Theater.

Since people are constantly saying the wrong thing I should have no shortage of material.

I'll start with the execs at MSNBC and CBS radio.

Knocked Up? No Problem

It used to be that women got married, then had a baby.

But these days the rules seem to be changing, in part because so many women are getting married later in life

Many women, perhaps taking a cue from celebrities in Hollywood, are either walking down the aisle pregnant, or having the baby and then getting married afterwards.

If they're expecting when they get hitched, they need a gown to go over their large bellies.

Celebrities such as Jennifer Garner and Amanda Peet were pregnant at the altar, Kean pointed out. Katie Holmes got married after giving birth. Salma Hayek and Jaime Pressly recently announced they're both engaged and pregnant. And Naomi Watts is rumored to be getting married this summer, before her pregnancy begins to "show."

Brides with bellies are no longer taboo.

Luckily for pregnant brides, there's no shortage of wedding gowns for them, like the ones offered by Reem Acra.

A recent survey of bridal shop owners says as many as one-in-six brides is pregnant.

Many designers today are working hard to accommodate those expanding wastelines.

There are a lot of "empire wastelines."

Baseball is Poop

A-Rod is off to a hot start but it doesn’t matter. There is nothing he can that will make Yankees fans like him. If they win the World Series he’d have to be MVP and even that might not get those gay Yankees fans like Vito Spadafore off Jeter’s nuts.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays cost themselves in a game in an amazing way. Tied 2-2 with the Twins in the top of the ninth Ben Zobrist led of the inning with a single. Carl Crawford was up next, put his head down and headed for third. But the third base coach held Zobrist there. What they should have done was both stay on third base and let one of them be tagged out, man on third 1 out in a tie game isn’t so terrible. Instead, Zobrist came down the line and got tagged out, and Crawford turned to go back to second and got tagged out as well. In the bottom of the inning Justin Morneau homered to win the game.

that's the face of a guy who just fucked up big time

Old phenom trumps new phenom. Dice-K gets dominated by F-Her. Felix Hernandez is off to a great start, nearly perfect through two games. Remember him? Last year he was the best pitching prospect since Dwight Gooden. Now he's second fiddle to a Japanese phenom, for now. F-Her showed a little of the promise that we expected from him, remains to be seen if he can have a Doctor K in 1985 season. Remember, that was Gooden's second year. This is F-Her's second year.


I laughed when I heard Mike and the Mad Dog suggest that the Nationals could lose 121 games (more than the 1962 Mets), but they may have been right. This team is putrid, especially their pitching staff.

Great Moments in Jets' Draft History

Fat Mets Fan

Ellen Massey went to the Mets home opener at Shea Stadium on Monday.

Shortly after the seventh-inning stretch, she said, a man dressed in a green Army-type jacket tumbled from higher seats and onto her back, knocking the wind out of her and, ultimately, causing serious injury.

Massey's nephew, Peter Rubens, 35, of Brooklyn, said the first sign that something was amiss was a splash of beer flying onto her at about 4 p.m., then a bump from the man, who is unidentified.

"We were sitting and watching the ball game," he said. "And in a split-second a rather large person, a man, came sort of tumbling down upon us and basically landed on my aunt's head and neck."

Vet Pisses Off Crocodile

Don't worry he gave it back.

Chang failed to notice that the crocodile was not fully anesthetized when he stuck his arm through an iron rail to medicate it.

Imus Causes an Accident

New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine was seriously injured in a car accident on his way to the meeting between Don Imus and the Rutgers women's basketball team.
He suffered numerous broken bones and had two hours of surgery.
He had a broken sternum, a broken collarbone, a slight fracture of his lower vertebrae, a broken left leg, six broken ribs on each side and a laceration on his head.
He has a breathing tube until he can breathe on his own again.
Despite all that, his injuries are not considered life threatening.

Good for Ratings

The average number of households with their television tuned to the Don Imus show:

April 2: 253,000
April 3: 296,000
April 4: 372,000 (the day he made the remark)
April 5: 300,000
April 6: 320,000
April 9: 401,000
April 10: 567,000
April 11: 462,000

My Take on Imus

The dam has broken. Too many people pushing against it for NBC and CBS to ignore.

Don Imus has been fired. But don’t cry for him, he’ll probably resurface on satellite radio which should be interesting to see whether he really does step up the discourse or uses his new found freedom to call Al Sharpton a ho.

I’ve been examining this issue a lot over the past week and I think too much emotion has come in to play. It’s always best with any problem to try to solve it rationally.

So here’s the problem: Imus insulted some people with a bad word. That these people are college students who epitomize the exact opposite of a ho, is what made this problem so big for Imus.

His comments warrant a reaction. But before we react, we should figure out what we’re hoping to accomplish.

1) Do we want to punish the man?

2) Do we want to raise the level of discourse in this country?

3) Do we want to heal young black women by no longer subjecting them to cruel, offensive and demeaning remarks?

4) Or do we want to work towards removing the barriers separating the races in this country?

What Sharpton and Jackson have done is number 1. They say they want 2 and 3 but they haven’t done anything but punish Imus. I’d like to work towards number 4. And what they have done is actually counter-productive to the cause they should be pursuing, number 4.

I understand black people feel like they are at the bottom in this country. But you don’t get to the top by dragging someone else down. You need to lift black women up by saying “look at Essence Carson. She’s a smart black woman who plays basketball and the piano. She’s not a ho.”

The only way black people are ever going to achieve equal footing in this country is when everyone meets black people, sees black people and realizes that all these stereotypes are false.

Unfortunately, lynching Imus isn’t going to accomplish anything.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

A Black Man's Point of View

Imus isn't the real bad guy
Instead of wasting time on irrelevant shock jock, black leaders need to be fighting a growing gangster culture.
Thank you, Don Imus. You've given us (black people) an excuse to avoid our real problem.
You've given Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson another opportunity to pretend that the old fight, which is now the safe and lucrative fight, is still the most important fight in our push for true economic and social equality.
You've given Vivian Stringer and Rutgers the chance to hold a nationally televised recruiting celebration expertly disguised as a news conference to respond to your poor attempt at humor.
Thank you, Don Imus. You extended Black History Month to April, and we can once again wallow in victimhood, protest like it's 1965 and delude ourselves into believing that fixing your hatred is more necessary than eradicating our self-hatred.
The bigots win again.
While we're fixated on a bad joke cracked by an irrelevant, bad shock jock, I'm sure at least one of the marvelous young women on the Rutgers basketball team is somewhere snapping her fingers to the beat of 50 Cent's or Snoop Dogg's or Young Jeezy's latest ode glorifying nappy-headed pimps and hos.
I ain't saying Jesse, Al and Vivian are gold-diggas, but they don't have the heart to mount a legitimate campaign against the real black-folk killas.
It is us. At this time, we are our own worst enemies. We have allowed our youths to buy into a culture (hip hop) that has been perverted, corrupted and overtaken by prison culture. The music, attitude and behavior expressed in this culture is anti-black, anti-education, demeaning, self-destructive, pro-drug dealing and violent.
Rather than confront this heinous enemy from within, we sit back and wait for someone like Imus to have a slip of the tongue and make the mistake of repeating the things we say about ourselves.
It's embarrassing. Dave Chappelle was offered $50 million to make racially insensitive jokes about black and white people on TV. He was hailed as a genius. Black comedians routinely crack jokes about white and black people, and we all laugh out loud.
I'm no Don Imus apologist. He and his tiny companion Mike Lupica blasted me after I fell out with ESPN. Imus is a hack.
But, in my view, he didn't do anything outside the norm for shock jocks and comedians. He also offered an apology. That should've been the end of this whole affair. Instead, it's only the beginning. It's an opportunity for Stringer, Jackson and Sharpton to step on victim platforms and elevate themselves and their agenda$.
I watched the Rutgers news conference and was ashamed.
Martin Luther King Jr. spoke for eight minutes in 1963 at the March on Washington. At the time, black people could be lynched and denied fundamental rights with little thought. With the comments of a talk-show host most of her players had never heard of before last week serving as her excuse, Vivian Stringer rambled on for 30 minutes about the amazing season her team had.
Somehow, we're supposed to believe that the comments of a man with virtually no connection to the sports world ruined Rutgers' wonderful season. Had a broadcaster with credibility and a platform in the sports world uttered the words Imus did, I could understand a level of outrage.
But an hourlong press conference over a man who has already apologized, already been suspended and is already insignificant is just plain intellectually dishonest. This is opportunism. This is a distraction.
In the grand scheme, Don Imus is no threat to us in general and no threat to black women in particular. If his words are so powerful and so destructive and must be rebuked so forcefully, then what should we do about the idiot rappers on BET, MTV and every black-owned radio station in the country who use words much more powerful and much more destructive?
I don't listen or watch Imus' show regularly. Has he at any point glorified selling crack cocaine to black women? Has he celebrated black men shooting each other randomly? Has he suggested in any way that it's cool to be a baby-daddy rather than a husband and a parent? Does he tell his listeners that they're suckers for pursuing education and that they're selling out their race if they do?
When Imus does any of that, call me and I'll get upset. Until then, he is what he is — a washed-up shock jock who is very easy to ignore when you're not looking to be made a victim.
No. We all know where the real battleground is. We know that the gangsta rappers and their followers in the athletic world have far bigger platforms to negatively define us than some old white man with a bad radio show. There's no money and lots of danger in that battle, so Jesse and Al are going to sit it out.

As If Entourage Weren't Gay Enough Already

I like Entourage but it seems like every episode now has some homo-erotic storyline.
Now this:
Doug Ellin, creator and executive producer of the show says:

"The fact of the matter is I could show sex all day and all night, and the show would be boring and old. I don't want to burn five minutes with a gratuitous sex scene. I'd rather have comedy and find something out about the characters."

So a show about a group of guys making it big in Hollywood is not going to have any sex?

Someone needs to remind these fucks who make shows for HBO why people watch. And it's not because David Chase can paint a pretty picture.

gay for each other
also gay for each other
gratuitous dog picture

The Oldest Trick in the Book

Free advice: if you ever run for President, find out how much bread and milk cost. Every campaign cycle some candidate puts his foot in his mouth and shows how out of touch with the problems of real people he is.
This time Rudy Giuliani stepped in the trap.
He was asked the question in Montgomery, Alabama.
He said "A gallon of milk is probably about a $1.50, a loaf of bread about a $1.25, $1.30."
Oh no, sorry. (Please read that in the voice George Costanza used to tell the Bubble Boy that the answer was Moops.)

In Montgomery, a gallon of milk is $3.39 and bread is about $2. Those prices are even more expensive where he lives, in New York City.
He did get closer to the mark on gas prices, saying gas was $2.89 per gallon.

Pissed Off Passengers

Two planes had to circle for 18 minutes because the lone air traffic controller at the airport in Manchester, New Hampshire used the bathroom.
The only other employee in the tower was a trainee and not certified to handle takeoffs and landings.
Passengers on the aircraft were probably not informed of the reason for the delay.
During the controller's break, a pilot on one of the planes radioed the tower and spoke to a trainee, who was not certified to conduct controller operations. The trainee told the pilot he would have to wait 10 minutes for the controller to return.
The pilot replied that he had "lungs on board," preparing to be transplanted.

I Think I'm in Trouble

According to Mrs. Poop, Baby Poop likes chocolate, soda and "Glamorous" by Fergie.

While I swore I would never name a Fergie song SOTW, I'll put it here in case you have a few brain cells you want killed. It'll also increase page views as Mrs. Poop will keep visiting to listen.

I Don't Remember Her

But evidently I will soon be unable to forget former American Idol contestant Olivia Mojica.
Olivia appeared on season 2 (the one with Ruben and Gay Clay) but didn't make the top 12. Back then the narrowing down of 24 to 12 wasn't as long as it is now so she may not have gotten more than one appearance on TV.

nasty girl, I hope

But guess what, now she has a sex tape.

The tape is "very explicit" and features 40 minutes of "smoking hot sex." Someone who saw the tape called it "the nastiest tape I've ever seen."

A website featuring a preview of the tape will launch soon.

There are so many American Idol contestants I'd love to see in a sex tape, Kat McPhee, Antonella Barba, Haley Scarnato, Vonzell Solomon, Jasmine Trias, Scott Savol, Kellie Pickler, Bucky Covington and those hot twins.

I didn't include Carrie Underwood because I don't want to jeopardize her wholesome image or encourage Pizza Parlor Derek to make a bunch of bad "Jesus, take my..." jokes.

Legal Tender

Bob Wilson bought his son a 30 year old dirt bike and took it to a local motorsports store owned by Karl Stepen for repair. Five months later he finally got the bike back, and it stopped working shortly after that. So he took it back, and after a few more months took it to another shop for repair. Repairs cost $900 so Wilson sued for what he had paid to Stepen.
A judge awarded him $335. Stepen paid him with 33,500 pennies "to show his contempt for Wilson." "We paid him in legal U.S. currency."
Where do you get 33,500 pennies?
How much does 33,500 pennies weigh?

Brush Thoroughly

If you were relying on Listerine's Agent Cool Blue to tell you where the plaque is on your teeth, you may now be contaminated with micro-organisms.
Agent Cool Blue was designed for kids, to stick to the plaque on their teeth and direct them where to brush.
Mrs. Poop was always against it for some reason.
That woman has incredible foresight.

agent cool blue

Passing of a Legend

Author Kurt Vonnegut died Tuesday night.
As much as I love to read I don't really care for fiction, especially pompous overrated fiction.
So the only thing I know about Vonnegut is that according to the teacher in "Back to School," "whoever wrote this knows nothing about Vonnegut."

Has any Poophead ever read anything by Vonnegut? If yes, I bet it's Reissberg or maybe Damino in some pompous Ivy League class.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Idol Chatter

En espanol.
Me gusta j.lo.

Melinda has two big problems in this competition. First she is almost 30 but acts almost 50. He dress and hairstyle looked like when the Godfather went to Cuba in 1959. Second, she has no confidence, and it's getting old very fast.

I realy like the scene of J.lo teaching Lakisha how to walk. I bet there was another portion of that conversation about how to use a big ass to your advantage.

The horns section sounds really good with this Latin music.

J.lo is really stealing this show. Her impression of the bitchy Latina woman complaining about Chris' pronounciation was very funny.

I think he is my least favorite contestant at this point.

Phil sucks too. I just think they are totally missing the point of Latin music when they sing songs by Rob Thomas. They just seem like cheesy white dudes. I think it would be like choosing something by Diddy if there were ever a rap night.

Funny plea for sympathy though by saying that his daughter has a stuffed cow named Simon COW-ell.

These contestants have no personality. If Chris Sligh were here he would have chosen a Marc Anthony and said "I heard chicks dig him."

"The embodiment of Latin passion, Sanjaya."

"Don't be fooled by the votes the he got, he's still Sanjaya from the block."

I like that Sanjaya grew a dirt moustache to look like a Mexican migrant worker this week.

Basically it breaks down like this. No way Sanjaya goes home after this, his best performance ever. That leaves Chris, Phil and Haley. I think it's the end of the road for Haley.

The contestants break down into two categories, the good ones and the bad ones.
You have LaKisha, Melinda, Jordin and Blake.
Phil, Sanjaya, Haley and Chris are in the other category.
Because LaKisha and Melinda have no chance to win because they don't appeal to the show's core audience, this contest is between Blake and Jordin and I'd be shocked if Blake didn't end up as your next American Idol.

I'd Forgotten This Game Happened

How many of you Syracuse alums remember that SU lost to Florida early last season before we'd ever heard of Joakim Noah?

I Better Make the Next 50 Years Count

According to this idiotic life expectancy calculator, I am going to live to be 79 years old.
This is a cool, fun gimmick, but it's impossible for it to be even slightly accurate.
It does not take into account the most important factor that determines who shall live and who shall die...luck.

Tough Love

Former Syracuse football player Tebucky Jones is getting his life (or at least a part of it) made into a movie.
Ice Cube will play Jones in "Tough Love" the story of Jones dropping off his three kids, Letesha, Tebucky Jr. and Malique (then 15, 12 and 9), at the Boys & Girls Club in New Britain, Connecticut (where Mrs. Poop used to work) for a heavy dose of inner-city reality, because he thought they were too soft.
Jones, himself grew up on the mean streets of New Britain, stealing food when he was hungry, rolling a drunk for $500 so he wouldn’t have to sleep outdoors, and getting evicted some 23 times.
Tebucky is only 32 now and his daughter is at least 16, so he had her when he was about 16, but he is married to her mother, the mother of the two boys as well.

Comeback Player of the Year

Josh Hamilton was the first pick of the 1999 Major League Baseball Draft.
He was a can't miss prospect who had been bred to play baseball and do nothing else.
Nothing else. Hamilton couldn't handle being away from home, and when he got injured he didn't know what to do. So he turned to drugs. And ruined his life.
5 years and 26 tattoos later, Hamilton made a comeback with the Cincinnati Reds and hit his first major league home run.
There's a great Washington Post article from a couple months AGO about him and about how he usually goes EVERYwhere with someone (his kids are home schooled so his wife can travel with him), and he very rarely carries any money.

I Was Right About Duke Lacrosse

I've been saying for a long time that in every story there's his side, her side and the truth. And it now seems that in the Duke Lacrosse case the truth is a lot closer to his side than her side.

What most likely happened that night is that the black strippers show up at the house. The players were pissed. They made racist remarks including thanking one of the girl's grandfather for his cotton shirt. Other things were probably said and done and the girl cried rape.

That set off a shitstorm, but everything that's happened since then has proven that a rape never occurred. Now the boys are finally going to be let off the hook, legally at least.

"Defense sources in the Duke lacrosse sexual assault case say they "expect" charges against the men will be dropped by the North Carolina Attorney General's Office.
The developments came as at least one of the former players, Reid Seligman, arrived in Raleigh Tuesday amid local media reports that a major announcement in the case was imminent. Two others charged in the case were also expected to arrive in North Carolina.
The attorney general's office has not tipped its hand regarding the charges, but has told local media that interviews related to the case have been completed.
Seligman, David Evans and Collin Finnerty were charged with first-degree kidnapping and first-degree sexual after an escort-service dancer accused them of raping her at a team party in March of last year.
The allegations of rape, which sparked controversy in the Raleigh-Durham area and quickly moved into the national spotlight, were made last year when a woman hired to perform at a party as a dancer accused the students of raping her.
The woman initially said the three raped her in a bathroom, but the rape charges were dropped in December after she told prosecutors she could no longer testify that she had been penetrated with a penis, one of the defining factors of rape under North Carolina law. In addition, two DNA tests have found no match between any of the three men and their 28-year-old accuser."

That's a Lovely Sofa, What Color Is It?

Blame Canada!

More Than Just Legs

Haley has boobies too! Yay!

Haley Sells Sex

I've been saying for weeks that Haley Scarnato needs to sex it up to get the horny male vote so that she can stay on American Idol. She seems to be getting the message.

This week she wore a nice pair of short-shorts which Simon remarked on. He said she seemed to have found the right strategy, to wear the least amount of clothes possible. I must admit she does have great legs, and I love big hoop earrings but I hate the bright red lipstick and big swoop of hair that she is wearing that is for some reason popular nowadays.

But Haley's sex appeal seems to be working as I got not one but two text messages during her performance. SCZA enjoyed Simon calling her a slut, and Pizza Parlor Derek doesn't want her to get voted off because he thinks next week she might perform in boy shorts panties.

Last week's white shorts or skirt from the results show:

That green dress:

The hot pants that started it all:

This time with hooker boots:

A little black dress (notice how her hemlines have risen since this):

Her legs fold too!:

She can show leg and cleavage at the same time:

She actually wore pants once:

Song of The Week

"Make It Rain" - Fat Joe featuring Lil Wayne
The song that started it all

Roger Goodell Makes It Rain

The NFL suspends Pacman Jones for the whole year and Chris Henry for 8 games.
Without going into graphic detail about everything they've done, I can sum it up this way.
Everytime they leave their home they get arrested.
It's crazy. 20 times between them they've been somehow involved in a criminal incident.
The suspensions are fair. Similar to the Imus situation I don't care to see anybody fired. I'd like to see Pacman keep working and be forced to pay 90% of his salary to the guy who was paralyzed in the shooting that stemmed from Pacman's infamous Vegas trip.
I'd also like to see the same be done to Leonard Little who killed a woman in a drunk driving accident but that's another matter.
By the way, don't they have three strikes laws? Three convictions or guilty pleas and you go away for a while. Shouldn't that be a rule. How does Chris Henry stay out of jail?

People From Toronto Hit Kids...But Only When They Deserve It

I've seen my favorite Torontonian hit kids, but never with a pillow, usually a wooden spoon. But I guess when Frank Thomas does it, it isn't so cool.

The people who regulate advertising on private TV in Canada said the Blue Jays must edit the ad before it can air. Public broadcasters will allow it, they have a better sense of humor. But the Blue Jays are not to be denied, they will host Frank Thomas Pillow Night on September 2.

Good Thing He's Fast

Japanese Ballplayers Say the Darndest Things

My favorite thing about the influx of Japanese and Chinese athletes is the way their quotes are often translated into very proper, flowing English. The way I would like to speak if I thought people would understand me.

Dice-K will make his home debut Wednesday against the Seattle Mariners, meaning the first batter he will face will be Ichiro Suzuki. Several million Japanese will stop whatever they are doing at 9 am Thursday morning to watch this at bat. It will be the most watched program on Japanese TV since Jerry Seinfeld appeared on Super Terrific Happy Hour.

In the past Ichiro has batted only .235 in 34 at bats against Dice-K, and Dice-K was still young. Ichiro says he is looking forward to renewing their rivalry.

"I hope he arouses the fire that's dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul. I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger."

Have a Nice Trip

A woman is suing the production company behind "Deal or No Deal", after she tripped and fell down a flight of steps during a taping in February, 2006.

Judy Ann Myers claims that during a commercial break, the show's stage manager instructed her to "hurry up and come down" the stairs to perform in an audience dance contest. As Myers hurried to the stage, she claims to have completely wiped out, suffering "great and considerable personal injuries" all over her body. In the suit, Myers blames her bad trip on bad lighting -- and that there were no hand rails on the stairs.

Now Myers is asking a judge for more than $25,000 to heal her wounds.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Coach Stringer Has Some Bad Luck

Her coal-miner father, Charles Stoner, lost both legs to diabetes and died in his 40's.

Her husband, William Stringer died of a heart attack at 47 on the night before Thanksgiving in 1992.

Her only daughter, Janine, known as Nina, has brain damage from a bout of meningitis as an infant. Nina, at 26, remains unable to speak or care for herself.

In September 2000, her son Justin, then 16, suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car crash in which he was a backseat passenger.

In the summer of 2001 her nephew Korey Stringer, an offensive lineman for the Minnesota Vikings, died of heat stroke during a practice.

Nappy Headed Hos To Speak

Rutgers women's basketball team will hold a news conference this morning. I expect C. Vivian Stringer and maybe one player (probably Essence Carson) to speak.
I hope they say something like this:

"We do not accept Don Imus' apology. His words were hurtful and offensive and we view them as a personal attack. But we do not wish for him to be fired. We hope that he is allowed back on the air and that all the people who detest his remarks will stop listening and watching him. And all the companies that advertise on his shows will no longer do so. That is the only way to show that this type of speech will not be tolerated. But Imus is not the only one using these words. All over America young black men call young black women hos, and worse, and that is a much bigger problem. So we don't want to waste our time worrying about the thoughts of one old white man when a much bigger problem exists. We are proud of the great season we had as a team this year and we deeply regret that our sensational run to the NCAA title game has been marred by and inextricably linked to this current controversy."

Damn Vandals

Street toughs vandalized the tennis courts where Mrs. Poop and I play during the warm weather.
We had planned to give her some pregnant exercise this spring and summer (while I restrained my enthusiasm to hit the ball as hard as I possibly can) but we're no longer sure if that's possible.
Yesterday while walking the dog, Mrs. Poop noticed that the nets on all four courts were damaged, making the courts unplayable. We then saw at least three hoods still loitering near the scene of the crime. We called township police, non-emergency. A few minutes later the cops came by, drove past the area twice, but never questioned any of the kids who were dispersing from the area.
I hope that our exorbitant association dues will help pay for the speedy repair of the nets before the weather warms again.
But I'm sure this will be a hot topic for discussion in the bi-weekly association newsletter that should be arriving wedged into our screen door soon.
The last scourge of the Association occurred last summer when vandals painted the word "death" on park benches. Then an urban myth grew out of it that anyone seated on the benches would die, or suffer the loss of a family member. According to reports, all the kids in the neighborhood were afraid to sit on the benches because of this.
And because the vandals were out every night, our handyman Hank couldn't repaint the benches fast enough.
Let's hope he's better at fixing tennis nets.

The Future of the Poop

You may not have noticed but in the last week I've ushered in a new era at the Poop. It's called the laptop era. Mrs. Poop and I sprung for a brand new laptop, approximate version pictured below. Thanks to a little help from TON on the purchasing end, no help from the tech support guy in Dehli, and a little advice that went a long way from brother-in-law Derick, I have the laptop connected to the internet wirelessly.
I have spent the last week posting almost exclusively from the computer.
The biggest change comes over at The Recap, where my Mets recaps are taking on a more stream-of-consciousness feel.
The best part is being able to watch TV and use the computer at the same time. Not possible under our previous arrangement.
The worst part is that we still haven't found the perfect setup physically, where the keyboard is low enough so that you're hands don't hurt, and screen is high enough so that you don't get a stiff neck.
Another bad part is that I can't really blog and watch poker at the same time, I miss what's happening in the hands.
I can blog during PTI and Best Damn though.
Hopefully you will see a better, faster Poop in the near future.
And that means you mother fuckers will post more comments. The average traffic for this blog is 1000 hits per day and 3 comments.

Let It Go Mets Fans

I really can't understand why Mets fans are getting so caught up in the comments made by Jimmy Rollins during the offseason.
He said the Phillies are the team to beat in the NL East this year.
Who cares? What is he supposed to say?
Was he really disrespecting the Mets? No. And if he was, who cares?
It doesn't put any more pressure on him. It doesn't put any more pressure on his teammates. And it doesn't piss off or motivate the Mets.
And it wasn't why he made an error that helped the Mets to a 7 run 8th inning.
Talk is cheap and those comments were completely meaningless and it's petty to keep bringing them up.
I think every Mets fan thinks the Mets are the team to beat this year. And I think every Mets player feels the same way. So what does it matter that Rollins actually came out and said it?

Dontrelle Can Make It Rain

According to the Palm Beach Post, several of the Florida Marlins led by Dontrelle Willis frequented Solid Gold, a new strip club, at least a couple times per week during spring training.

According to waitress Nicole Spelling:
"There'd be, like, $3,000 in singles on the table. When they liked someone, a bunch of them would just go up and throw dollar bills in the air by the handful. There'd be so much money on the stage that the girls had to get champagne buckets to pick it up. And (pitcher) Randy Messenger is, like, so hot."

And when Spelling's 2-year-old son was sick but the club wouldn't let her leave?

"I was going crazy because I couldn't leave. There weren't enough waitresses and, frankly, I needed the money just to pay my bills. Next thing I know, Dontrelle hands me $1,000 from them all and tells me to go home to my kid. They got permission from management for me."

Monday, April 09, 2007

Thank You Come Again

Denver police ticketed a friend of Carmelo Anthony's after the man allegedly punched an unruly fan at a convenience store last month.
Melo and his friend Rahchine Craig were heading out of a 7-Eleven store in the 1800 block of South Sheridan Boulevard (I leave those directions in for Freed and Amber) early March 18 when some young men approached.
One of them asked for Anthony's autograph and when Melo declined the guy called him a punk and started arguing with Craig.
Craig allegedly punched, pushed and slammed the victim onto the floor.
When asked Friday night if the report was accurate, Anthony said, "No, man. Hell no. We beat Dallas tonight. I'm not talking about that. We beat Dallas tonight. That's all I'm worried about. We've got Clippers tomorrow. Thanks."

Sopranos Returns

Don't read if you haven't watched but intend to!

It was just nice to have Sopranos back. For many years it's been a great way to spend a Sunday night. It felt like being reunited with an old friend.

Other than that, the episode was non-descript.

AJ's facial hair and his new life are funny.

Meadow in a tank top was nice.

All the scenes on the lake set a very peaceful atmosphere, I wanted to go on summer vacation.

The fight was stupid, so was the subsequent pissing match.

So many things they foreshadow but never deliver on. For instance, that the little girl will drown in the lake.

They need to cover Janice's tattoo.

Frank Vincent is still going strong. I watched Raging Bull this weekend.

Not a Nappy Headed Ho

I always thought Candace Parker of Tennessee was pretty cute, but seeing her in a dress at the Wooden Award ceremony convinced me.
Plus she can dunk a basketball.
She is pictured here next to Kevin Durant, the winner of the Wooden award for men's basketball but she is banging Atlanta Hawks forward Shelden Williams.
Her brother is Toronto Raptors forward Anthony Parker.

Closest Thing to a Jew Playing in the NBA

Ever since the retirement of Danny Schayes Jews have been underrepresented in the NBA. About a third of the owners, plus the commissioner is Jewish.
But Toronto Raptors forward Anthony (don't call him Tony) Parker is doing his best to bring chai back.
Parker who spent several years playing (very well) for Maccabi Tel Aviv, the top pro team in Israel, learned a lot about Jewish culture during his time there.
He learned that the number 18 for chai, is considered good luck, so he chose 18 as his uniform number.
We assume he also learned to give a multiple of chai when invited to a Bar Mitzvah and not to whistle in the house.

hoping for help from a chai-er power

Juice Loves Nappy Headed Hos

Don Imus is under fire for referring to members of the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy headed hos."
I guess it's ok to make fun of people's appearance but when you are white and you call black women hos, that's racist.
Now every black person and half the white people in America want Imus to be fired.
I hate when people call for someone to be fired.
If you don't like what he said, don't listen to his show. Boycott NBC and WFAN if you are that mad. Make your voice heard that way. I think it would be more effective if they actually staged a real boycott, and it succeeded, it would show how much power they really have.
Imus will not get fired and his ratings will not suffer.

Knicks Still Kickin

I know the Knicks suck.
I know they are out of the playoffs.
I know their general manager and head coach is an idiot.
I know he just got an extension.

But they showed some heart the other day beating the Bucks (I know they suck too) without Marbury (Richardson, Crawford and Lee are also hurt though Lee did play two minutes).

Eddy Curry, Nate Robinson and Mardy Collins all scored career highs (I wonder if that's ever happened before), and Curry's 3-pointer at the buzzer (the second of his career) sent the game into OT.

What Does $1.65 Million Buy Iowa

Former Iowa basketball coach Steve Alford is selling his home in Iowa now that he has taken the head coaching job at New Mexico.
The asking price is $1.65 million (zillow has no data for his neighborhood).
At first I was skeptical of whether it was truly his house until I got to the gym.
If you love real estate as much I as do you will enjoy this virtual tour.
If this house were in my neighborhood, with the surrounding land, it'd be $5 million easily.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

The Sad Spiral Downward of Tractor Traylor

Normally, I find long articles and dissect them here to make them more readable for the fickle Poopheads who read this blog. But this one about Tractor Traylor is too good, too well written and just short enough that it doesn't deserve that treatment.

Dancing With Hotties

From the show that gave us Stacy Keibler, a new hottie emerges. Julianne Hough is Apolo Anton Plano's partner on the new season of Dancing with the Stars. Thing is Hough is only 18.
Despite that young age she is reportedly banging Plano who is 25 years old.
Love the Pulp Fiction gambit they brought out for last week's show.