Saturday, October 24, 2009

Weekly Picks

Survived another week thanks to getting my best bet. Some surprising games last week but I went with the Pats and had the easiest victory of my career. A few games I like this week but the spreads are big so I had a hard time deciding on a best bet.

philadelphia -7 WASHINGTON
I never do this. This is the first time I remember picking a Redskins regular season game. But they are in such disarray I can't imagine them scoring more than 10 points in this game. After an embarrassing loss to the Raiders I think the Eagles need this game. We've seen this before from Philadelphia and McNabb, after a bad game they come with a good offensive performance.

minnesota +6 PITTSBURGH
When do you ever see an undefeated team getting this many points. Especially against a team that isn't playing all that well. Even in wins over Detroit and Cleveland the Steelers didn't cover which seems to be a sign the handicappers are still overrating them based on last year.

ny jets -6 OAKLAND
The Jets have a chance to send their season down the toilet with a loss here. Even JaMarcus Russell doesn't throw 5 interceptions two weeks in a row. Nor will Russell win two weeks in a row.

new orleans -6 MIAMI
The Saints are quite simply the best team in football and there's no way the Wildcat can keep up.

NY GIANTS -7 arizona

The Giants are due for a strong bounceback here. But there's another factor at work here. The old West Coast team coming to the East. Yes, it's late in the day and yes the Cardinals have already won twice in this situation this season and yes, I don't even believe in this cockamamie theory, but people are talking about it, we'll see. But really the Giants are just really good and they are going to want to put on a better performance than they did last week.

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 15-15 (17 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (4-2)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (4-2)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (5-7)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (5-6)

Friday, October 23, 2009

I Am the Drew Brees of Photographing Children

And Mrs. Poop is the Jason Campbell.

Anyone with kids will tell you how difficult it is to photograph a child. They won't stand still. They won't stand up straight and they certainly won't smile.

To combat this juvenile restlessness I employ the Drew Brees method. I aim and fire at the spot I think my receiver will be.

Mrs. Poop on the other wants for her receivers to get open, then she waits another second to make sure they're still open but by then it's too late.

This picture was taken with my grip it and rip it technique. I literally just stuck my arm out and snapped.

Another Sociological Trend I Pioneered

Before I came along the whole world was eating chicken wings and getting sauce all over their fingers and faces. Then thanks to my OCD I started eating boneless buffalo wings. Now boneless has become such a trend there's a great article in the New York Times about the trend.
The article foolishly credits an unusual shift in chicken pricing for the popularity of bonelessness.
The convenience, cleanliness and cool factor I've brought to boneless is what's really driving the trend.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Not Sure Who is More Embarrassed About This One

MSNBC's Contessa Brewer makes an embarrassing mistake while introducing Jesse Jackson.

Jackson's face while waiting to correct her was priceless. I love the way she threw the producer/writer under the bus. And even if the script did say Sharpton she had to have known who was coming on.

The Tubby Temptress

Whenever a sex scandal breaks the first thing everyone wants is pictures of the girl. Well Steve Phillips is likely to be more embarrassed by these photos today than he was about the birthmark revelation. The New York Post which has a bad habit of using the term "beauty" loosely when describing women used the term "Tubby Temptress" for Brooke Hundley. Even the Post can't put lipstick on this pig.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Steve Phillips Has a Birthmark Above His Penis

And also one on his inner thigh.

The former Mets GM who screwed Mets fans for years is now screwing Production Assistants at his new job calling games for ESPN.

During a road trip to St. Louis Phillips who is 46 slept with a 22-year-old PA named Brooke Hundley.

I have no idea why Brooke Hundley has a whistle in her mouth in this picture -- it's the best the New York Post could do on short notice I guess

Phillips says he fucked her three times in total, and when he decided to break it off with her that's when things went crazy.

Hundley would call his house, she even showed up and backed her car into a stone wall while fleeing his wife. She stalked Phillips son on Facebook pretending to be his high school classmate.

Hundley sent this letter to Phillips's wife, telling her about their affair, their sexually explicit text messages and his desire to leave her.

As a means of proof she closed the letter with this: "Steve has a big birthmark on his crotch right above his penis and one on his left inner thigh, so you know I'm not being fake."

Phillips has done this before, banging a team employee while he was running the Mets.

Last time, his wife stood by him, this time Mrs. Phillips is filing for divorce. I hope she takes everything he's got, leaving him with nothing but a birthmark above his penis.

Steve Phillips is a dirtbag

Song of the Week

"Something Happened on the Way to Heaven" - Phil Collins
There are so many great songs about couples fighting and breaking up but since Mrs. Poop and I seldom have a serious fight lasting longer than five minutes, I never get to post any of them.
Last night I picked a fight with her just so I could post this song.

"We've had our problems but I'm on your side."

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Paul From Staten Island

In "Big Fan" Patton Oswalt plays a sports-obsessed toll collector who calls talk radio shows as "Paul from Staten Island" and scripts what he is going to say.
The movie was only in very limited release (though it did play at The Atrium on Staten Island) so you might have to catch it on DVD. It got pretty good reviews and looks promising but it sort of calls to mind another movie with a similar plot and a similar name which is frequently discussed as one of the worst movies ever, "The Fan."

Monday, October 19, 2009

This About Sums It Up

The Redskins are 2-4 despite having played only winless teams.
After the Giants in Week 1 the Reskins five oppponents have been St. Louis, Detroit, Tampa Bay, Carolina and Kansas City.
Those teams are 3-2 against the Redskins, 1-1 against each other and 0-22 against the rest of the league.
If the Redskins were just a reasonably bad team, instead of an historically bad one, they could easily be 5-1 at this point.

But their offense is so bad they can barely score a touchdown, settling for field goal after field goal when they do get lucky enough to get the ball into the red zone.

Jason Campbell is a big part of the problem. He just holds the ball too longm resulting in a ton of sacks. But watch Drew Brees, he throws the ball anticipating where his receiver will be. Campbell holds it until his receiver gets open, then holds it another second to make sure hs stays open, then gets sacked before he can release it. He's horrible and he'll never be a good NFL QB.

Jim Zorn is a shitty coach who is in way over his head and has too many responsibilities (until now where his play-calling duties were taken away).

Next year there will be no salary caps and I expect Daniel Snyder to spare no expense in trying to fix this team so the Redskins can be Super Bowl Champs during what would be the 2011 season (which will get canceled due to a labor dispute).

NFL stands for Not For Long for Jim Zorn as coach of the Redskins