Friday, January 20, 2006

I'm a Douche: Episode II

Sometimes smart people do dumb things. Last week during that awful Redskins game, I went to the bathroom. If you've ever been in my house you know the downstairs bathroom was part of an addition and its therefore very small and has a very small sink. Well, a few minutes later I thought I heard the water running. I went back into the bathroom and I realized I left the sink on because the bathroom was flooded. I tried using a sponge but that didn't work, so I just got a couple of the towels we use to dry off the dog and sopped up the overflow. But my pants were soaked.

Get Ready Kids

FEMA is using a hermit crab and a clever rap to teach kids about disaster preparedness.
"Disaster prep is your responsibility
And mitigation is important to our agency."

Biggest Scandal in Golden Globes History

Reese Witherspoon wore a Chanel dress to the Golden Globes. Chanel told her it was vintage. They didn't tell her that vintage meant Kirsten Dunst wore it three years ago.

She should have worn Dunst's vintage wet T-shirt from Spiderman, or cheerleader outfit from Bring It On
I'm Sexy and cute, and popular to boot

Just Say No

The government wants Google to turn over a list of searches done by Americans in an effort to fight child pornography. Thankfully Google said no. But a lot of other companies said yes.
This is getting to be too much. What would they do about the Concierge and his frequent searches for "barely legal?"

Damn Vandals

Hours after NFL referee Pete Morelli blew a critical call in the Steelers playoff game against the Indianapolis Colts, someone tossed a rock through the living room window of his home in Stockton, Calif.

Cory Lidle Celebrity Poker

Phillies pitcher Cory Lidle held his second annual celebrity poker tournament in Vegas, last week.
The $1200 buy-in event drew 104 players, and rasied $62,000 for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
In addition to Lidle, Eric Chavez, Jeremy Giambi, Scott Erickson, Lisa Guerrero, Jimmy Rollins and Mike Lieberthal all played. Jason Giambi paid for his seat in advanced but showed up so late he was blinded out.
David Wells also played and was the chip leader at one point.
But his luck didn't last, he was knocked out by two-time Cy Young winner, Bret Saberhagen.
Paul Felberg won the tournament after about eight hours of play, talking home $31,145.

Simmons V. Thomas

If you read Bill Simmons you'll know that he is relentess in his criticism of Isiah Thomas. Apparently Zeke heard about it. He told Screamin A. Smith on his radio show Monday "if I see this guy Bill Simmons, oh it's gonna be a problem with me and him."
Here is the transcript of what Isiah said, and Simmons' response to it.

Antonio Davis Update

Antonio Davis got a 5-game suspension for going into the stands to protect his family Wednesday night against the Bulls.
Over the past 24 hours I have immersed myself in this story. I have read internet reports of people who said they were there, I heard witnesses on ESPN, I heard from the alleged attacker on CNN and I saw some more tape of the incident.
Here's how it went down:
Kendra Davis was being loud cheering for her husband and protesting calls. The guy behind her told her to "sit down and shut the fuck up." She got in his face and refused to sit down. Twice he motioned for security. Then, she either put her hand on his shoulder or her finger in his face and he may have slapped her hand away. And that's when Davis charged the stands."

Davis after the game said the man he thought was threatening his wife, Kendra, was drunk. But that fan, 22-year-old Michael Axelrod, said all he had was a glass of wine at dinner.
Axelrod's attorney, Jay Paul Deratany, said he planned to sue Davis and his wife for more than $1 million. Deratany said he was writing the papers Thursday for a battery suit against Kendra Davis and a slander case against Antonio Davis, and planned to file them Friday.
Axelrod's father, David, is a prominent Democratic political consultant in Chicago who has worked with Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton and Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley.
Axelrod said the problems were caused by Kendra Davis.
According to Axelrod, he was sitting in the seventh row and booed an official's call. Kendra Davis "came out of her seat. I didn't even pay attention to her. I thought she was just going to the bathroom or something," he said.
Axelrod said Kendra Davis put both hands on his face, and that he motioned for security. He said she later went after another fan.
"I was glad she was done hitting me, but I didn't want her to hit anyone else," Axelrod said.
"When I go to games, I cheer as hard as I can for the Bulls, and I boo as hard as I can for whoever they're playing," Axelrod said. "I don't feel comfortable if players are allowed to easily jump into the crowd whenever they feel like it's necessary."

Thursday, January 19, 2006

My Plans for This Weekend

I am going to wear some jerseys this week, and when I wear.....

Clinton Portis I will dress up in crazy costumes
randy moss- I will pay for everything with "straight cash homey"
ladanian Tomlinson- I will be picked first in touch football
carmelo Anthony- I will single-handedly take my team to the promised land
paul pierce- I will surround myself with young talent
nolan ryan- I will give jeff a noogie
larry Fitzgerald- I will be used frequently, coming from behind
donovan mcnabb- I will eat soup, then throw it up in the clutch moments of the weekend.
cecil fielder- I will go broke by the end of the weekend, screwing over my wife and kid
jackie robinson- I will break the Kliq color barrier, never mind, I already did that
ickey woods- I will show up, dance around and be great for a little while, then you'll never hear from me again
Fred Smoot - I will need two female volunteers to help me with this one

Carolina Cheerleaders Back in the News

The story that launched 1000 erections and this blog is back in the news once again.
Angela Keathley pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and obstructing a police officer during the Nov. 6 fight and got sentenced to six months probation. She also must perform 32 hours of community service, write an apology to Tampa police and pay court fees.

Vincent Gallo Needs Money

Vincent Gallo, the star of Buffalo '66 (an ok if odd movie), is trying to raise money by selling all of his possessions, artwook, his childhood bedspread and a book.

He also wants to sell his sperm for a million dollars. Here is the text of his sperm sale offer, with the best parts in bold:

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

Trust Me On This, Always Wear Seatbelts

Entertainer Billy Joel has added a second appearance in the Carrier Dome -- one at which he will talk instead of perform.
Syracuse University announced Thursday that Joel will be thekeynote speaker for this year's May 14 commencement.
Joel is scheduled to give a concert at the dome on March 25.
In September, Joel gave Syracuse's Setnor School of Music a $320,000 gift to establish musical scholarships and endowments for future composers.

Only Bill Will Care About This

And since Bill seldom reads this blog I may be wasting my time.
But I thought it was interesting that last night I learned that Nets forward/center Marc Jackson (not the former Knicks guard) is the son of one of the Blue Notes. John Atkins, Jackson's father, was a member of Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes.

This reminds me of Bison Dele aka Brian Williams (the man responsible for the SCZA/Poop feud) whose father was in the Platters.

And Adam from Real World Paris, his father was in the Commodores, with the father of that stupid Nicole from the Simple Life.

Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes
The Commodores

Twin Crooks

The American Idol judges were wowed by a set of twins who could actually sing. Unfortunately the Brittenum boys are crooks.
Terrell Brittenum, 28, has been in jail since Jan. 10 on an outstanding warrant for charges related to the illegal purchase of a car.
He and his brother, Derrell, are accused of using another man's identity to buy a 2005 Dodge Magnum in June.
Derrell was expected to turn himself in on the same charges of forgery, theft by deception and financial identity fraud.
The brothers auditioned together in September.
They probably aren't going to make it to Hollywood if precedent is any indication.
But if they committed the crime since their audition, then they didn't lie about it (which has hurt past contestants). And if they turn themselves in maybe they could be out on bail by the time the Hollywood portion of the show begins.

Ain't to proud to rob and steal and misrepresent myself

Nine Years for a Finger

The lady who planted the finger in the Wendy's chili as an extortion plot got 9 years in prison. Her husband got the same 9 years, plus 3 more for not paying his child support. The husband's friend gave them the finger (which he lost in an accident) to settle a $50 debt. They were ordered to pay Wendy's $21.8 million, but Wendy's said it will take $170,000 to give to its employees to cover lost wages while the restaurant was closed.
She'll be getting plenty of fingers in jail

More Melo Coverage

ESPN has a lot of Melo stuff today.
Melo wants to be an ambassador to the streets.
He wants to sell a lot of shoes.
And he wants to put the "Stop Snitching" controversy behind him.

Gangsta Melo

Melo Bests LeBron

I've written before about the LeBron-Melo comparison; I think LeBron is a better all-around player but I don't think he does it when the game is on the line. Last night's head-to-head battle proved my point.
With 21 seconds left Melo dunked it to break the tie. Najera hit a free throw to make it a three point game. James got fouled, hit 1 of 2, then got fouled again, hit the first to make it a one point game. Then he missed the second free throw, with less than a second on the clock. I think he lacks the killer instinct that Melo has (as evidenced by his three game-winning shots this month).

playoff appearances: Melo 2, LeBron 0
fancy dunks don't win games, clutch free throws do

Antonio Davis Enters the Stands

Antonio Davis was ejected from last night's Knicks-Bulls game for entering the stands.
Davis said ""I witnessed my wife being threatened by a man that I learned later to be intoxicated. I saw him touch her and I know I should not have acted the way I did, but I would have felt terrible if I didn't react. There was no time to call security. It happened too quickly."
Coach Brown said he saw Davis' wife "falling back."
According to a source, the televised footage from the incident that was handed over last night to NBA security showed the heckler complaining to security that Davis' wife, would not sit down, that he was just asking her to take a seat. The heckler was removed from the building and was not identified.
I don't really blame Davis, because he did it the right way, he didn't go up there swining. But he did get ejected.
Crawford hit a cold-blooded three to tie the game at 104, but Knick killer Ben Gordon won it a few seconds later with a jumper.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Conference Championship Week Excitement

Some fun stuff is happening to get ready for this weekend's conference championship games.

Grant Wistrom's Halloween costume

Ben Roethlisberger's blog including pictures of him at a WWE event. He's grabbing Trish Stratus' ass.
A Seattle radio station has come up with several Seahawks songs including "Sweet Shaun Alexander."
Follow the Broncos news at the Horsehead, including the winner of the Miss Steelers fan pageant.

Sweet Mrs. Alexander

The End of an Era

The ESPN Hollywood era is over. The show has been cancelled and will air for the last time on January 26th.
The fate of many of the employees who began work on "ESPN Hollywood" (including Bern aka Michelle Kwan) hasn't yet been determined; executives said they were trying to find places for them. Still uncertain, too, are the ESPN futures of Andrews and Lopez.
"We were pleased with 'ESPN Hollywood's' ability to capture the cross currents of sports and entertainment, but our research and the ratings clearly suggest that a daily show may have been too much," said John Skipper, ESPN's executive vp content.
I didn't mind Mario Lopez and Thea Andrews is kind of sexy. I will miss the show because it provided a lot of good stories for the blog, including:

Warren Sapp is a fat pig
Eva stepping out on Tony (still one my favorite captions)
T.O. in Penthouse
So much for his happy ending

Slater is all growns up

Another Net Baby

Joining his teammates Vince Carter and Cliff Robinson, Guard Jacque Vaughn left the team last to be with his pregnant wife, celebrated the birth of Jeremiah Daniel Vaughn at the Valley Hospital in Ridgewood, New Jersey.

Uncle Mo was pleased to welcome the newest member of the Vaughn family

This is Just Mean

Some disgruntled Redskins fans are trying to stop Heath Shuler's run for Congress.

I am disappointed also that Shuler never achieved his potential as the Redskins quarterback. But I love the guy and wish him well.

Like Jay Buhner, Shuler had a cannon for an arm

Next Year is Our Time

Jason Coben and Nick Velissaris, recent graduates of the University of Michigan recently won the $10,000 grand prize at the World Series of Beer Pong.
According to the rules used in the three-day tournament, each side has six cups half-filled with beer arranged on a table. Team members take turns launching pingpong balls across the table at their competitors' cups. If they land one in a cup, the other team drinks the contents of the cup in which the ball landed.
A team loses once it consumes all of its beer.
Players weren't required to drink during the tournament. Organizers gave competitors the option of using water instead of beer, though no one did.
Entry fee was $550 per team

Hometown Boy Makes Good

Staten Island's own Jason Marquis signed a one-year $5.15m extension with the Cardinals.
Last year Marquis was 13-14 with a 4.13 ERA. He's also a pretty good hitter.
Still don't know why Matt hates him so much. But Austin loves him.

Stepping Up The Rhetoric

The Concierge, Derek and JusTON are really going at each other when it comes to which chicks are hot.

It all started when TON called Jennie Finch an animal.

Then Derek suggested TON might like to have sex with the Big Show.

The Concirge got involved when Derek suggested Scar.Jo has sloppy Golden Globes.

Then there's Derek from Statesboro, Georgia, who thinks every chick on TV is hot.

I mistakenly identified Derek as the hostage taker from Statesboro, Georgia. I was wrong. PP regrets the error.

sloppy or sexy?
Opening Shot of Lost in Translation
Derek is right, those legs could wrap all the way around you...TWICE
Two pics of her since she's the one we all agree on
Come on' she's better looking than the Big Show
Pretty, but no Jennie Finch

I Was Right, Big Shock

A week ago I said the Jets would name Eric Mangini as their next coach.
Yesterday they did.
Derek will call him Mangina.

Love is Blind

Naveen Andrews, Sayid on "Lost", is dating Barbara Hershey, the wet blanket who tortured Norman Dale in "Hoosiers."
She is 57, he is 35.
age ain't nothing but a number

I Don't Think She's Wearing a Bra

Since E.T., I don't think there was been one other movie in which I liked Drew Barrymore, or thought she looked good. Justin and Reissberg loved her as Josie Grossy in Never Been Kissed. But her dress at the Golden Globes was ridiculous. My question is, don't these stars have agents, publicists, sycophants? One of them should have said "hey Drew, you need a brassiere."

Let the boobies hit the floor
I hope she didn't bruise her knees when she walked.

See the Future in the Present

Syracuse has only two seniors this year, Gerry McNamara and Matt Gorman. But after next year 7 players (including Darryl "Mookie" Watkins, Terrence Roberts, Demetris Nichols & Louie McCroskey) will move on. So who will SU rely on?
Point guard Antonio "Scoop" Jardine and power forward Richard "Rick" Jackson both star at Nuemann-Goretti High School in Philadelphia.
Watch them play tonight on ESPN2 at 7pm. One of the guys on the opposing school's team is the son of former NBA player, Gerald Henderson. Master Bates once called him Florence.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Scarlett Johansson's Golden Globes

I couldn't care less about awards shows, and I haven't seen any movies this year but I do like hot chicks. And I wanted to use that Golden Globes joke. Everyone is raving about this Scarlett Johansson, whom I first saw in that horror show "Lost in Translation." The Concierge thinks she's the hottest thing since "Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation", I think she's just ok. Can't wait to hear Derek and JusTON argue about this one.
She has two Golden Globes

NASA Scrubs Mission to Pluto

When are they going to scrub your Uranus?


After his Seahawks beat the Redskins Saturday night right tackle Sean Locklear went out for a night on the town with his woman (not named Heather). He became angry when she was dancing with another man. Witnesses on the street said they saw him grab the woman by her throat. Officers observed redness on her neck, but she said "he didn't do anything." She refused to let police photograph her injuries or to provide a written statement and she declined medical attention. He was arrested but he still will probably be able to play Sunday against Carolina.


Colts Safety Nick Harper was stabbed in the leg by his wife. She says the stabbing was accidental. I say if you wave a knife at someone and end up stabbing them, its not an accident. She was angry because Harper refused to speak to her. Harper recovered Jerome Bettis' late game fumble, but couldn't return it for a touchdown, perhaps because he'd been stabbed in the leg the day before.

Mayor Nagin Loses His Mind

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has been under a lot of pressure since Hurricane Katrina. His latest comments indicate that maybe the pressure is getting to him.

-"I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day. This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be."
-"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about."
-"New Orleans was a chocolate city before Katrina. It is going to be a chocolate city after. How is that divisive? It is white and black working together, coming together and making something special."
-"God is mad at America," in part because he does not approve "of us being in Iraq under false pretenses."
-"He is sending hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, and it is destroying and putting stress on this country."

Don't Watch TV

Interesting study done in Italy. Couples who have a TV set in their bedroom have sex half as often as those who don't. A team of psychologists questioned 523 Italian couples to see what effect television had on their sex lives.
On average, Italians who live without TV in the bedroom have sex twice a week, or eight times a month. This drops to an average of four times a month for those with a TV, the study found.

Dancing With the Stars

Only saw the first episode, not too interested in keeping up with it, but I think it would be prudent to periodically share the pictures of Stacy Keibler since her outfits have been incredible.

Loyal Reader Takes Hostages

Loyal PP reader Derek from Statesboro, Georgia took hostages earlier this morning, but luckily the standoff has ended peacefully.
Derek, using the name Robert Brower, held a lawyer hostage in his office for 24 hours. Derek and his girlfriend/accomplice surrendered peacefully. We may not be hearing from him for a while though, he is in police custody.

Choke Job

As most of you know I am in a football pool. 5 games each week, (4 plus a best bet). I was leading most of the season. Unfortunately the pool continues into the playoffs. I have blown my four point lead and now hold only a one point lead over second place. Here is what the league's commissioner had to say:

For most of the season Cannon920 has been the leader, at times seeming ready to pull away from the pack and leave the rest of us in the dirt. But as we all know, it is a rare bird indeed who can withstand the constant pressure that comes with being the leader. Could it be, now that it's crunchtime, that Cannon920 is starting to feel a little tickle in this throat? A little gag perhaps at the thought of The Professor and Little Bro right on his ass. Yes friends it is officially a horse race once again, and the question becomes can Cannon920 hold it together for another 2 weeks or will he end up choking on that huge hairball building up in his throat as we speak. Does he have the determination, mental toughness, and intestinal fortitude to close this out or will he end up just another body on the pile of choke artists.... you know, the ones who came oh so close, but fell just short in the end. We'll know very shortly.

I hope I don't pull a Peyton Manning. I finished fourth last year, and nothing less than first will do this season.

Tough Loss

The magic has worn off for the Knicks. Yesterday Sobel and I went to their loss to the Timberwolves. Thanks to some horrid defense in the third quarter they got into a huge hole. They dug themselves out with some hard drives to the basket by JC, Marbury and Master Nate, but Troy Hudson nailed a three as the shot clock was winding down, with 8 seconds left, to put the game away.
After the game we went to Gerry Cosby's and Sobel ordered a road gray David Wright jersey.
After that we went to lunch at Ben's Kosher Delicatessen. We walked around the city for a little while first as I forgot what street it was on.
Sobel had a turkey, pastrami and chopped liver sandwich. I had a bowl of chicken noodle and a roast beef on rye.
Sobel will be styling

Celeb Meeting

Yesterday while coming out of Penn Station to meet Sobel before the Knicks game I was talking next to a man who I noticed to be talking in a very loud voice. I turned and saw it was none other than Screamin A. Smith. I walked next to him for a few paces then shouted out excitedly, "Stephen A!!!" He turned to look at me, sort of mean mugged me a little bit. Then I said "How's it going? I like your show." (I know that's a lie, I hate his show. But then he extended his hand to me, he smiled, we shook and went on our separate ways.

Monday, January 16, 2006


In case you don't get Sports Illustrated I thought it would be funny to point out the great piece Steve Rushin wrote in the latest issue about sports figure's vanity license plates.

IHOP - Steelers' lineman Kendall Simmons, for all his pancake blocks
JJ333 - Poker legend Johnny Chan, recalling a particularly lucrative full house
T-O BABY - Dick Vitale
L23 - LeBron James
CATCH II - Terrell Owens, for his playoff grab against the Packers
20GRABS - Terrell Owens, for his record of 20 catches in one game
LKOUTDB - Chris Rix, former Florida State QB
QBKILLA - Warren Sapp
NOWINS - Gary McCord, never won on the PGA Tour
25DBTH - Jim Thome, for his uniform number and Don't Believe the Hype
JUICES - O.J. Simpson
9.83 - Ben Johnson
HIS CASH - Tami Anderson, ex-wife of Kenny Anderon and star Real World: Los Angeles
ICE QN - Vanessa Bryant
THX SHAQ - truck Shaq bought for LA's equipment manager
TIPSY - North Dakota man arrested for drunken driving

One note, California rejected the application of sports columnist Peter Schmuck to put his last name on a license plate.


Those Implants Pay for Themselves

Florida State slut Jenn Sterger is getting more media coverage.
We learned a few new things:
-When she gets on facebook she has "5,000 friend requests and 200 messages waiting, and it's like, 'Um, hi, I have three lectures today and two tests to study for. I don't have time to sit there and click away on Facebook.'"
-She will be in Maxim in March and Playboy in May
-She has two websites, and, which she hopes to launch by next month
-Her fame started when ABC announcer Brent Musberger noticed the girls in the stands during a crowd shot. He said "15,000 red-blooded young American men just signed up to go to Florida State next year."
-She says she was just "dressing cute at a football game." She says cute, I say slutty, toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe.
-On Monday (1/9), Sterger was the fourth-ranked "mover" on Yahoo's Buzz Index, ahead of Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon.
-Her father is cool with her appearing in Playboy. "If you don't feel like it's going to be a problem for you down the road, by all means, go for it," he said. "Pamela Anderson started by being pointed out in a crowd shot at a hockey game up in Canada, and look where she's at today. I don't want her marrying Tommy Lee, but I wouldn't mind her having an opportunity like Pamela had."
-She is single, she's gotten fan mail from athletes and been recognized in airports
-She's a Buccaneers fan
-Over winter break she went back to her job selling sunglasses
-She's studying criminology and psychology, she wants to take the LSAT and go to law school
-She has big boobies

The picture that started it all

Derek's Mom Thinks This Guy is Straight

Figure skater Johnny Weir earned a spot on the U.S. Olympic team Saturday by winning his third straight U.S. championship.
After his performance in the short program on Thursday Weir described the joys of figure skating:
"Figure skating is an amazing ride. You're feeling like the lowest scum in the pond two hours ago, and go to the prettiest flower in the pond."
He also described the crowd's enjoyment of a rival's program as "a vodka shot, let's-snort-coke kind of thing." In previous seasons he described his costumes as an "icicle on coke" and a "Care Bear on acid."
The U.S. Figure Skating Association wants him to cut out the drug references. But they understand that "Johnny's a flamboyant guy. He makes certain analogies, some of which are more appropriate than others."
I take that to mean, yes, he's the prettiest flower in the pond, but no, his opponent's performance didn't make the crowd want to snort coke.

What's that face for?
One red glove, very hetero