Saturday, May 24, 2008

Lose the Jacket

All the talk around the Mets centers on firing Willie Randolph but I think the Mets would be more likely to improve if they fired Rick Peterson, and I know the perfect replacement.
But before we get to that, let's look at Peterson. He's done great work with John Maine, yes.
But he has not been able to reach Oliver Perez, whose troubles are 90% mental, and that's supposed to be Peterson's strength.
I don't know how much Johan Santana would listen to any pitching coach but Peterson certainly isn't helping him.

I think the Mets should hire Leo Mazzone. In an AP article, Mazzone said, "What I'm doing is sitting here dying to get back into baseball again."

With the great staffs he built in Atlanta, I don't see why the Mets wouldn't want to go after him and see if he has answer to help the Mets pitchers get deeper in games.

Albert the Destroyer

The Devastating Pooh Holes knocks out two Padres in one inning.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Never Judge a Book By Its Cover

I just spoke with a girl at work who I had previously thought was really annoying and stupid.
But now she tells me she is a dog lover and a Mets fan.
I guess I was wrong about her.
If there are any two characteristics and individual can have that would ensure that they're a good person, those traits would have to be: dog lover and Mets fan.

Come See Kimbo

CBS has decided to dip its toe into MMA but instead of ponying up the extra cash for a deal with UFC, CBS basically created a new league called EliteXC.
To market their new league they brought in internet sensation Kimbo Slice.
Here's the fight that made Kimbo famous:

Kimbo has been training real hard and learning the ground game necessary to be a top MMA fighter. But he's not there yet. Chances are Kimbo would lose against the top guys in UFC, but I doubt they would let him lose in EliteXC because they're banking on him, he's headlining the first card on CBS on May 31.

jusTON and I (and possibly Mr. DiBern, formerly Mr. DiTen) are going to be a part of history as MMA makes its primetime network television debut live from the Rock in Newark. We're pretty sure Kimbo is going to win since they probably put him up against a stiff, but it should be a good experience. There's also a female fighter on the card.

Anyone wishing to attend this event with TON and me should let me know definitely by Friday May 23rd before 4pm eastern.

License Plates of the Stars

Truth is stranger than fiction which is why I love this list of real license plates of famous athletes.
But recently I saw on Food Court Lunch a list of fake plates for athletes.
I post this for two reasons, because I like the fact that he actually made images of the plates, and because the Reggie Bush one works on so many different levels.

Latrell Sprewell - all three parts rhyme
Shawn Kemp - read this carefully
Reggie Bush, I'm Reggie Bush, the Assman

Idol Chatter

I'm glad David Cook won. He was more deserving than that little sissy David Archuleta. Plus Archuleta's father is apparently a terroristic stage dad. He probably wanted to kill someone and will probably sue over the results.

Why can't American Idol time their show properly? Mrs. Poop and I were just two of the millions who didn't see the announcement because of DVRs. And it cut off so damn close, we were like 10 seconds away from being golden. We had to look up the result on the internet and see the winning moment on youtube this morning.

But why does David Cook have to cry so often? Once is senstive, twice is overcome with emotion, three times is closet homosexual.

I'm glad they put my girl Syesha into a bunch of slinky dresses. She obviously embraced her hotness a little too late in the game however.

Donna Summer and George Michael did they run out of current singers and had to fall back on washed up ones? Though I did enjoy them way more than the JoBros.

My favorite of all the performances though, surprisingly was Brooke White and Graham Nash singing "Teach Your Children." It's a nice song and they sung it well. Brooke was born 40 years too late. She'll never be a successful contemporary recording artist.

Mrs. Poop's favorite performance was Renaldo Lapuz singing "I Am Your Brother" complete with USC marching and song girls.

Didn't Amanda Overmyer look like she raided Paula's medicine cabinet? She looked more dazed than Jason Castro. She even sang like a mannequin. Eventually they stopped showing her because she wasn't singing or smiling and she was barely moving.

Carrie Underwood looked hot showing off her slutty side while singing "Last Name" and almost giving us an upskirt shot. But what the fuck was that thing connecting her sleeves?

I also enjoyed her preshow dress which gave us a little side-boobie action.

But my favorite thing in the history of American Idol probably was the Pips sketch. I loved it because of course I love "Midnight Train to Georgia" but also because it was so well-acted and at least for the first half of the song the humor was very subtle. It didn't get over the top until Jack Black came out with his pants around his ankles.

Bad Fat Kid Back in the News

Our old friend Latarian Milton is back in the news.
When last we saw the poster child for childhood obesity he was joyriding in his grandmother's car because he wanted to do hoodrat stuff with his friend.
That's when his grandmother said she wanted to whip his behind.
Evidently grandma ain't so tough.
Latarian was taken for a mental health evaluation after he beat up his grandmother in Wal-Mart.
Here's the grandma's story:
The problem began when Latarian asked her for some chicken wings. When she refused, he walked over over to the counter and ordered them anyway.
When she confronted him about it, he just snapped.
"He just started hitting me -- just started hitting me in front of the whole Wal-Mart. Every one in there was upset," she said.
He hit her stomach, legs and "wherever he could reach me."
Police picked up Latarian from his home and took him to an area hospital for a mental health evaluation. He can be held for up to 72 hours while he is evaluated by mental health officials.
The grandmother blames his problems on his parents:
"I know what causes the behavior, cause all he's ever seen was his parents do physical and abusive and verbal things, and I don't want him to continue in this direction so I'm doing the best I can to get him the help."
She is worried about what will happen when he is released from his evaluation. She is making sure he won't have access to her rental car while her SUV is being repaired.
"When I first got the rental he said, 'Oh, you know, let me take this for a spin. So now I just sleep with the keys. I lock them up."

Latarian Milton, bad fat kid

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Who Are These Guys?

Player A - 2005: .247 BA, .927 OPS, 40 HR, 114 BB
Player B - 2005: .303 BA, .786 OPS, 15 HR, 48 BB
Player A - 2006: .234 BA, .855 OPS, 40 HR, 112 BB
Player B - 2006: .322 BA, .786 OPS, 9 HR, 49 BB
Player A - 2007: .264 BA, .940 OPS, 40 HR, 101 BB
Player B - 2008: .351 BA, .827 OPS, 6 HR, 49 BB

Please note the eerie consistency of Player A's home runs and Player B's walks.

Song of the Week

"Last Time" - Trey Songz
This video features one of my favorite women of all-time, Lanisha Cole. Not only is she my favorite Barker's Beauty (I think they're still called that even though Drew Carey is now the host), she's my favorite Deal or No Deal case model (though she doesn't have a regular case, she's just a fill-in), she's also one of my top friends on MySpace.
Lanisha is the girlfriend in this video, not the cheating hussy.

DMX Has Seen Better Days

The recent legal troubles of rapper DMX:
On May 6 DMX was arrested for a January traffic incident.
He was photographed by stationary traffic cameras on the Loop 101 freeway in Scottsdale, Arizona. The cameras caught DMX driving a bright yellow 1966 Chevy Nova II — with a large "DMX" decal on the windshield (way to be inconspicuous) — well over the posted 65 mph speed limit.
Simmons was photographed driving 100 mph, and then, one minute later, another camera caught him driving 114 mph. Less than three minutes later, DMX was caught on camera again, this time driving 101 mph.

hard for police to miss the big DMX logo on your windshield

Three days later he was arrested again after police searched his house as part of an animal abuse investigation that started last year. When a SWAT team came to search his house he hid in a bedroom. During the search they found weapons, drugs and five pit bull puppies, which were taken to a nearby prison where female inmates will look after them.

mind your business lady

And on Friday, the Mayo Clinic in Arizona said DMX checked in under a fake name (Troy Jones) in order to evade payment. DMX was complaining of chest pains and shortness of breath and was diagnosed with pneumonia.

Scary Thought

The Knicks did not win the draft lottery, or even make it to the top 3 (which proves to Master Bates that it's not fixed) which is fine with me. I would have loved Derrick Rose, but I have major reservations about Michael Beasley.
Despite all his off-court stuff I would love to see the Knicks get O.J. Mayo.
A more likely possibility is Jerryd Bayless, a point guard whom I loved during his one season at Arizona.
But presents this frightening possibility:

"There will be growing speculation that the Knicks may turn their attention to Italian forward Danilo Gallinari. D'Antoni played with Gallinari's father in Italy for eight years. He's watched Danilo play over the years in Europe, and he knows how tough the Italian league is. D'Antoni loves versatile forwards like Gallinari. His basketball IQ and facilitation skills would be a great fit in a D'Antoni offense."

Now I know there are great European players in the NBA and I know nothing about Gallinari but given the Frederic Weis mess I don't want to see the Knicks draft another foreign player, ever. Also I think the Knicks need a point guard, and someone fans can embrace as the face of the franchise, Gallinari doesn't fit either of those roles.

Charley Steiner Laughing

Former ESPN SportsCenter anchor Charley Steiner is best known for his inability to hold his laughter, completely losing it on several occassions. This video is a pretty good compilation of Charley's greatest hits but I wish it had a little more set-up.
For instance, the Mitch Green hilarity was prompted by the famous quote "like a sissy, a homo, he ran."

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Beer Money

In SNY's continuing effort to become a legitimate sports network (not just a place to watch the Mets), they introduced another cool new original program.
It's a sports trivia show called "Beer Money" where they ambush people in bars on the street, in front of Shea, and ask them 3 questions, a $10, a $20 and a $100 question.
The show is hosted by Chris Carlin and a new hottie named Julie Alexandria.
Cow-Bell Man (whom I frequently deride as not being a true fan) embarrassed himself by guessing Koosman as the pitcher who had the Mets single season record with 25 wins, but he quickly corrected himself to Seaver and was allowed to win the $20. But he was prudent in not risking his $30 and further embarassment by going for the for the $100 question.
Also Julie encountered a contestant from Staten Island, and after making fun of his accent commented that he did not have a fake tan.

Julie Alexandria

The Thinking Man's Reality Show

Before the world went crazy watching contrived "reality" shows purporting to show us the real lives of our celebrity heroes, there existed a reality show that was smart, well-done, interesting and only appealed to smart people.
Since Americans are by and large idiots, "The Mole" didn't do very well in the ratings.
But now ABC is giving the Mole another chance.
The show premieres on June 2nd with a new host, Jon Kelley. Anderson Cooper and Bobby Moore (aka Ahmad Rashad) were not available.
If you are unfamiliar with the show, there are 11 players and one Mole. They compete in challenges which earn money for the eventual winner, but the Mole sabotages them.
Players are eliminated by taking a quiz about the Mole, the low score goes home each week.
What makes it better than every other reality show is that the Mole's identity is a mystery that slowly unravels.

Wooing ObamaGirl

I've got a crush on ObamaGirl and evidently so does former Alaksa Senator Mike Gravel (gruh-vell).
Gravel still wants to run for President so he enlisted Amber Lee Ettinger in this hysterical video.
Do you think his aides told him what "lay pipe" means?

Damn Spear Chuckers

A photographer for the Ogden Standard-Examiner got a little too close to the Utah state high school track championships.
Ryan McGeeney got hit with a javelin in the leg.
He received 13 stitches, but suffered no serious damage to any ligaments or tendons. McGeeney took this picture himself while medical personnel were working on him because "If I didn't, it would probably be my editor's first question when I got back."

javelin in leg

That picture reminded me of this.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Who Are These Guys?

Player A - 2006: 658 AB 131 R 203 hits 32 HR 102 RBI .309 BA .906 OPS
Player B - 2006: 611 AB 105 R 172 hits 27 HR 90 RBI .282 BA .819 OPS
Player A - 2007: 530 AB 104 R 176 hits 22 HR 103 RBI .332 BA .976 OPS
Player B - 2007: 632 AB 113 R 155 hits 31 HR 88 RBI .245 BA .805 OPS
Player A - 2008: 173 AB 34 R 53 hits 14 HR 31 RBI .306 BA 1.024 OPS
Player B - 2008: 157 AB 33 R 50 hits 13 HR 31 RBI .316 BA 1.067 OPS

Hint: They play the same position and while we all admit that Player A is better than Player B, the amount by which he is better is not as great as you would think. My main point in this one is that if these two players continue this pace their entire careers (far from a given), both will be deserving Hall of Famers when they're through.

My Back Itches

Sometimes in life you like two things but they just don't work well together ("I love dogs and I love poker, but I hate those pictures of dogs playing poker") but on the other hand, two thing you don't like when combined together can create something wonderful.
I don't care much for hockey, and I hate homer announcers, but I absolutely love Mike Lange the Pittsburgh Penguins announcer whose creative and nonsensical calls merited this top 10 list.

If you can't understand the title of this post, rewatch the first one on this list. I think my personal favorite is "Get in the fast lane grandma because the bingo game's ready to roll."

Not a Bad Place To Be When Under House Arrest

Pacman Jones is moving to Dallas so he's selling his home in Tennessee.
For $1.8 million you can buy the house which is on 30 acres and has its own lake stocked with fish.
It really is an awesome house.
And unlike many other athletes' homes it doesn't have a stripper pole.
It probably would have saved him a lot of trouble it if it did.

I Liked That Part Too

Joe Morgan liked Jose Reyes's home run against the Yankees, but he really enjoyed Reyes's home run trot.

Now I want to give Morgan the benefit of the doubt here and say he was talking about Reyes running as opposed to trotting or meandering, but his follow-up "he proceeded to go around the bases" makes it clear that he is, in fact an idiot.

But there were several Morgan moments during this game that were even dumber.
First there was a conversation, which lasted the whole game, about first basemen "doing their job" by catching balls in the dirt.

Then there was the whole discussion after Delgado's home run, most of which was valid, except for the part where Morgan talked about the "curvature" of the fence. It's actually not curved, more like slanted, but we got the point.

And when they got an awesome moment from their miked up umpire (we heard him telling Delgado that he thought it was foul because the guy to the left of the pole got the ball) it took them several innings to pick up on that.

But lastly and most annoying was Morgan demanding an appeal on Alou's sac fly, saying Wright left early. He insisted the Yankees were going to appeal, as soon as they brought in a new pitcher. But why wouldn't they appeal with Wang, if they were going to do it? On the off chance Morgan was right (he wasn't) the inning would have been over.

I seldom watch Sunday Night Baseball, and almost never in its entirety, but I can now understand why the blogosphere hates him so much.

Worst Person in the World: Darrion Scott

Darrion Scott played four years in the NFL with the Minnesota Vikings, leading the team in sacks in 2006.
Now he is charged with assaulting his own son.

Darrion Scott

The boy's mother said she heard the child crying and when she went to check on him she saw the boy lying on his back, kicking his legs while Scott (who is 6'5" 290 lbs.) was holding a plastic bag over the boy's head.
Scott told police they were playing and he was trying to see if the boy could get the bag off his head himself.
The mother told police the boy had suffered injuries in Scott's care before, and a doctor said marks on the boy's arm and ear were a result of being burned or hit.
Police found in a gun in Scott's house, which was kept in an unlocked nightstand which police determined to be easily accessible to the child.
Scott's agent said "Anyone who knows Darrion knows him to be a big 'teddy bear' type of guy, easygoing and never loud or abrasive. We believe this nightmare is a terrible mistake and that the child has not been abused, at least not by Darrion."
So now he is accusing the mother of being the abusive one?
I hope the next time Darrion Scott gets chop blocked, he breaks his leg.