Friday, February 27, 2009

Even Mrs. Poop Would Have Done This

Two nurses at Mercy Walworth Medical Center in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin have been fired for taking a picture of a patient's X-ray and posting it on Facebook.
The patient was admitted to the emergency room with something lodged in his rectum. The nurses took pictures of the X-rays when they realized it was a sex device.

Now let me say that Mrs. Poop is the nicest, sweetest person I know. She's also the best nurse. She's very loving, caring and nurturing. She takes her job very seriously and cares for her patients, their well-being and their privacy.

But if she ever saw an X-ray of a guy with a dildo stuck up his ass, damn right she'd take a camera phone picture of his X-ray.
I'd be furious with her if she didn't.
But this is where Mrs. Poop would have been smarter than these women. You don't put it on Facebook.

And if it's just an X-ray, without a guy's name or face, you're not really compromising his privacy.

Now, I'm not saying this is the right thing to do (even though it isn't illegal it technically violates hospital policy) but it's akin to finding a bag full of money. Very few of us would actually turn it in to the police.

Nope, when you find a treasure, you take it home, share it with your loved ones and closest friends and you keep your mouth shut.

Killing Two Birds With One Stone

Vivid Video, in a clever marketing campaign for their company has offered the loathsome Octomom $1 million plus medical and dental insurance for all 14 of her kids if she will do porn.
I think she has to take their offer.
The biggest criticism of her is that she is not a good mother because she did something irresponsible and now she doesn't have the means to care for her kids.
What would we admire more than a mother who does something unpleasant to bring home money to feed and care for her kids.
We laud and respect women who scrub toilets or wait tables for $6 an hour to feed their familes.
How is this any different?
Don't tell me she is selling her dignity, she obviously has none of that. And laundering soiled bed linen as a hotel maid is dignified work?
Plus, she says she hasn't had sex in 8 years.
I know you were wondering when I was going to mention that second bird.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

America's Newest Celebutard

As much as I love black women with big asses, I have to say I am getting a little sick of Michelle Obama.
Once again, this has very little to do with her and more to do with the breathless praise of everything she does ("oh my she took out her weave") and wears ("how bold, she goes sleeveless in February! If you had toned arms like hers you would too!").

Her latest transgression (in my eyes) is the People Magazine cover that shows her looking great (she is an attractive woman) and showing off her toned arms. She looks and sounds like any other celebrity mother when she talks about the rules she has for her daughters. Presumably, they wear $100 frocks from J. Crew while Michelle prances in $5000 custom made gowns is one of them.

Michelle Obama is pretty, and a good wife, and a tough mother, we get it, enough already

In this People article she did break the one piece of news I've been waiting to hear. The Obamas will be getting a Portuguese Water Dog (outsourcing) some time in April or May. And the name hasn't been decided, but Frank and Moose are top contenders.

I love Sasha and Malia, they deserve a dog. They also deserve a mother who is more concerned with raising them than with raising her own celebrity profile.

Michelle seems like just more proof that my largest fear about the Obama Administration is slowly coming true, even though we're only a month into it. For the next 7 years and 11 months style will trump substance.

And while Obama may well be the next John Kennedy, I have a comment for Michelle, "you think you're the black Jackie O but you're really not."

Times They Are a Changin

In the future you will be able to watch any episode of any TV show or any movie or listen to any song ever made on any device (computer, cell phone, TV) you want, at any time you want.
Trust me, that is the future.
But media companies are trying their best to resist this eventuality.
They should take notice of this study from Nielsen which shows the changing viewing habits of Americans.

"Nielsen found that during the fourth quarter of 2008 the number of users and the time spent watching each of the three screen media (TV, computer, mobile device) rose from the previous quarter.
The biggest jumps came in the number of viewers watching video on mobile devices and "time shifted" television, that is, programming viewed with a digital-video recorder. Each rose about 9% in the fourth quarter from the third quarter. Roughly 11 million people used mobile viewing and 74 million people watched DVR programming. Internet video users increased 2.3% to 123 million people.

Traditional television is still the most popular by far. Roughly 285 million of the nation's 306 million people (who are these 21 million people? the blind? infants? the comatose?) watched TV in their home in the fourth quarter, up about three million people, or 1%, from the prior quarter.

Television also wins in terms of the time spent on each medium. People spent more time watching TV: an average of 151 hours a month or five hours a day -- a record high, according to Nielsen. That is a 7% increase, or roughly 11 hours more.

Internet video viewers, on the other hand, spent just under three hours on that a month, or 22 more minutes than the prior quarter, a nearly 15% increase.

In both time spent and number of viewers, Internet video grew at a rate twice that of television.
For the first time in the Nielsen study, people ages 18-24 spent nearly the same amount of time -- roughly five hours -- watching Internet video each month as they did watching DVR programs. Other age brackets watched half as much or less Internet video than they did DVR video.

Online video viewing is increasingly seen as more valuable than DVR viewing because, unlike DVR viewing, viewers can't fast-forward through the advertising.

Television viewing, however, remains the most valuable for advertisers because of its breadth of audience."

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Song of the Week

"Maybe I Deserve" - Tank

TallSkott was Ahead of His Time

For years TallSkott dominated the scene at Rab's Bowling on the Green with his unique delivery. Placing only his thumb in the ball, he was able to generate ridiculous (but sometimes uncontrollable) spin on his ball.
Now a young Australian named Jason Belmonte is revolutionizing bowling with his own unique delivery, a variation of TallSkott's.

Whatever Happened to Chief Kickingstallionsims?

The college basketball player who first gained fame back in 2006 for his ridiculous name is back in the spotlight.
After transferring from Stetson, Chief Kickingstallionsims transferred to Alabama State.
The Hornets lead the SWAC with a 13-1 conference record and have a pretty good chance to make the NCAA Tournament.
If they do, they'd likely be seeded into the play-in game which would give the Chief some national exposure.
The 7'1" senior center is averaging 9.3 points, 4.3 rebounds and 2.8 blocks.
He scored 16 points on February 23 in a victory over Alcorn State.
And back on February 7, he blocked 11 shots against Arkansas-Pine Bluff, the most blocks in a game by any player in the country this season.

Chief Kickingstallionsims

A Week Inside the Big East With Syracuse

The following article about a week on the road in the Big East with the Syracuse Orange provides a cool look inside the toughest conference in the country through the eyes of our favorite team.
I post it in its entirety because I know some of you are too lazy to click to read things, while others of you may not be able to see the link (not sure if its subscriber only).


The Big Brutal Story
By Jack McCallum

It had been a rough week for Syracuse junior forward Paul Harris, one of many tough ones in the meat grinder known as the Big East Conference. He had played a mediocre game in a 102-85 loss to Villanova on Feb. 7 and a far-less-than-mediocre game in a 63-49 loss to the nation's No. 1 team, Connecticut, on Feb. 11, both on hostile courts.

One-on-one powwows during the week with his coach, Jim Boeheim, had not exactly lifted his spirits and certainly didn't take place at Harris's instigation. On perhaps a dozen occasions, on the court or in the locker room, Boeheim had gone after Harris for hanging his head after bad plays and, as the coach saw it, disregarding instructions.

One example: Boeheim thought that Harris had repeatedly -- and unwisely -- challenged UConn's 7' 3" center Hasheem Thabeet when the big man had space to make a block or change a shot. This went against a game plan that strictly admonished, You must get into his body in order to attack him. You have to take it through his face.

Jim Boeheim scolds Paul Harris

But now it was three o'clock last Saturday afternoon, and a 98-94 overtime win over Georgetown before 32,000 orange-wearing loyalists at the Carrier Dome was a few minutes old, and Harris was smiling. Sort of. "To be honest with you, having Coach Boeheim on me all the time is hard," said Harris, whose full-court inbounds pass to junior guard Eric Devendorf all but sealed the game with 18 seconds left in OT after the Orange had blown a 16-point lead in the final eight minutes of regulation. "It doesn't do any good debating with him, because you can't win. He gets me thinking too much about mistakes." Harris paused. "But I'm going to keep going because that's what you gotta do. This is the Big East, right?"

Copy that, as Jack Bauer says. The victory stopped an unnerving Syracuse skid -- six losses in the previous eight games, all to Big East opponents -- that showed how hard it is for a good but not great team to gain traction in a conference that offers precious few soft touches. Just ask Georgetown, the only team to have beaten UConn this season, until the Huskies fell on Feb. 16 against fourth-ranked Pitt. The Hoyas, who were once ranked as high as ninth in the country, were in 12th place in the Big East at week's end. Playing the nation's second-toughest schedule, they had lost eight of their last 11 conference games and, at 13-10 overall, will probably need to win at least five of their last six to get an NCAA bid. Georgetown is spinning in what Connecticut coach Jim Calhoun calls "the washer, a cycle of losing with seemingly no way out."

Over the last three weeks Notre Dame has gotten Maytagged too. Ranked as high as seventh six weeks ago, the Irish (11th- most-difficult schedule) lost six league games in a row, and chances are that its surprising 90-57 rout of then fifth-ranked Louisville last Thursday will not persuade the NCAA selection committee to award the Irish a tournament berth.

"Our bottom teams would be middle to top tier anywhere else in the country, including the ACC," says Pitt point guard Levance Fields, whose Panthers are ranked fourth behind UConn, Oklahoma and North Carolina in the latest AP poll. "Quality teams like Georgetown and Notre Dame are struggling because of how tough the league is."

Boeheim, now in his 33rd season as Syracuse's coach, agrees. "This is the best our conference has ever been," he says. The primary reason, Boeheim and others say, is experience. West Virginia's Joe Alexander and Syracuse's Donte Green were the only Big East players of note to bolt school early for the NBA last year, leaving behind such seasoned talents as UConn's Thabeet, Notre Dame's Luke Harangody and Marquette's Jerel McNeal.

Playing my-conference-is-better-than-your-conference is part of the charm of college hoops, particularly as Selection Sunday (March 15) draws nigh. The whir of propaganda machines on college campuses and in conference offices as always provides the background music around this time of year. But the Big East -- overloaded with talent, toughness, tenacity and, for that matter, teams (16, the most in the country) -- would seem to have a strong case for being the nation's best, which is all the more remarkable since it looked in danger of extinction five years ago when Boston College, Miami and Virginia Tech took flight to the ACC for the sake of football. As things stand, the Big East is a good bet to get eight teams into the NCAA tournament, as it did in setting a record last season. But that's still only half the conference; if the ACC gets seven (also a good bet), that's 58% of its 12-team league.

On the other hand, playing 18 conference games (schools elsewhere play 14 to 16) all but guarantees that even a good Big East team might have more losses at the end of the season than a comparable team in another league (though 24-2 UConn and 24-2 Pitt, who threw down on Monday night in Hartford, don't seem to recognize that).

But rather than just crunch the numbers, SI examined the Big East by spending a behind-the-scenes week with Syracuse as it ended a brutal run of games against elites UConn and Pitt; almost-elite Louisville and Villanova; and dangerous (though inconsistent) West Virginia, Notre Dame, Providence and Georgetown (twice!).

Big crowds, big cities

Sophomore point guard Jonny Flynn bops onto the Syracuse bus outside the team's hotel in Philadelphia for the trip to the Wachovia Center and bumps fists with all aboard. Earlier he had rhapsodized to a reporter about his Big East bona fides.

Jonny Flynn

"I been hearing about the big, bad Big East my whole life," says Flynn, who comes from Niagara Falls. "My pops [Reverend William Flynn] used to go on and on about it. Chris Mullin. Patrick Ewing. Derrick Coleman. I got it from a young age."

Flynn, a Niagara Falls High teammate of Harris's, remembers the first time he came to the Carrier Dome in Syracuse on a rec-league trip. "Seeing that many people in one place," he says, "is something that never left me. Coming to school here was a no-brainer."

It's hard to overestimate the effect that Syracuse's domed facility (capacity of 49,000, which essentially translates to endless for basketball) had on the growth of the Big East after it opened in 1980. Architecturally a white elephant to some, it had one overarching factor in its favor: Recruits loved the idea of routinely performing in front of 30,000 sets of eyes. Couple that with a season-ending appearance at Madison Square Garden, where the conference tournament has been held since '83, and the combination can be irresistible. "No matter what kind of year you've had," says Big East commissioner Mike Tranghese, who is retiring at the end of the season, "you get the chance to redeem yourself in New York City in prime time. Recruits love that."

The problem for Syracuse on this day, however, lies in Philadelphia, where the 21,000-seat Wachovia Center is filled to capacity. Boeheim warns that Villanova is undersized but scrappy, qualities that become evident from the tip-off. Syracuse, particularly shooting guard Devendorf (seven turnovers), can't handle the Wildcats' relentlessly aggressive trapping and ball hawking, and loses 102-85.

Afterward Boeheim is asked whether he was surprised by the number of fouls -- 29 on Villanova and 24 on the 'Cuse. "No," says Boeheim, "I was more surprised by the 25 that weren't called."

Hard play, no whining allowed

Sarcasm aside -- and Boeheim does sarcasm as well as anyone -- his team's inability to match Villanova's physical play is a major concern for the coach, particularly with top-ranked UConn looming two days hence. The league has always had a tough, urban edge to it, man-to-man being the defense of choice, Syracuse's 2-3 zone notwithstanding. "Most kids want to play a physical style," says Boeheim, "and if they don't, they think they do."

Boeheim detects a lackadaisical bent to practice at the Dome on this Monday afternoon. With Thabeet in mind, the coach comes down hard on Harris for flipping up a layup rather than going strong. "The big guy blocked 10 last year," Boeheim shouts. "You want him to get 12 on Wednesday?" (Actually, Thabeet blocked seven shots in UConn's 63-61 win last February.) Then the coach turns his attention to Flynn. "When you put your hand under the ball, that is a carry," he says after his sophomore leader is called for traveling, a rarity in practice. "Do you want to learn or not?"

Later, Boeheim gathers his players and lectures them about their propensity for making excuses and pointing fingers. "The only way to get through this is together," he says. "This is too tough a league to do it as individuals." To a man, the Orange players insist that they will stay together. Besides, says guard Andy Rautins (whose father, Leo, starred for Boeheim in the early 1980s), this tough stretch of games is exactly "what we signed on for when we came to the Big East."

Colorful coaches... with a few concerns

Four hours before tip-off, Jim Calhoun relaxes courtside and declares that he's feeling "better than ever." That's saying something, considering that seven months ago the UConn coach was finishing a six-week course of almost daily radiation treatments after doctors removed 36 lymph nodes, initially feared to be malignant, from his neck. His taste buds were dulled and he lost 24 pounds. "As a diet, I don't recommend it," he says, "but I like the end result." He has been pronounced cancer-free.

The Big East rose, in part, through the entertainment value provided by an array of coaching characters in the '80s, originals who, instead of the magisterial gravitas of a Dean Smith or a Mike Krzyzewski, exhibited a streetball intensity that hammered home the blue-collar ethos of the league. There was Boeheim, bookishly bespectacled but prickly and competitive; Georgetown's John Thompson, towel over shoulder, scowling and mysterious; Villanova's Rollie Massimino, roundish and fun-loving but able to go volcanic in an instant; St. John's Lou Carnesecca, impishly lovable but ready to steal your shoes if you turned your head.

Calhoun -- tall, formidable, challenge ever-present in his tough-guy, Braintree, Mass., stare -- fit right in when he joined this colorful group in 1986. Within a couple of seasons he had lifted the Huskies into that magic circle of Big East perennials. During his tenure, Boeheim has kept the 'Cuse there. Relative newcomers Mike Brey (Notre Dame), Jamie Dixon (Pitt), John Thompson III (Georgetown) and Jay Wright (Villanova) have lifted their programs to a similar level. The bench presence of Rick Pitino, competitive and dapper as ever, will almost certainly assure that Louisville, now in its fourth year of Big East play, is annually near the top of the heap. And look for West Virginia to get better under Bob Huggins, now in his second season in Morgantown.

"Part of the whole thing about the Big East is the coaches," says Syracuse's Flynn. "You really know those guys."

So there is Calhoun, 66, two NCAA titles and three bouts with cancer (prostate in 2003 and skin in '06) behind him, feisty and ready to go, pronouncing this season's team as one of his alltime favorites. "It's a blessing to coach these guys," he says.

Still, there are worries. After the football defections, the Big East restocked but ended up with some geographically quizzical matchups (anyone think Marquette-South Florida screams Big East?) and an unwieldy conference tournament that this season features a double bye for its top four teams. "I don't even like one bye," says Calhoun, "so you can imagine what I think about two." He also feels for the bottom-feeders in a 16-team conference. "You can do a great job of getting better," Calhoun says, "but look at how many really good teams you have to pass to get near the top."

The top is where Connecticut is, though, and on this night the Orange is no match. In the Huskies' 63-49 victory Boeheim's players don't take the ball through Thabeet's face; instead he sends it back in theirs. The center finishes with seven blocks and 16 rebounds, guard A.J. Price has 17 points and the sharpshooting that the Orange needs is not there -- Flynn, Devendorf and Rautins are a combined 13 of 35 from the field.

Syracuse is now 18-7 and skidding fast, and Boeheim decides that it's time to "talk big picture for a minute" as he addresses his team in a graveyardlike locker room after the game. "We're 6-6 in the league. We'd all like to be better. But our whole purpose this year is... what? Paul?"

"Get to the NCAA tournament," mumbles Harris.

"Right," says Boeheim. "The important thing is to get in. We have six games left. We can't give one away. And it starts Saturday. Georgetown is good, no matter how much trouble they've had lately. But if we play well, we will beat them. O.K.?"

Heads nod. Hands come together. Voices raise. But there is a sense of uncertainty in the room as everyone prepares for a 70-minute flight back to Syracuse that will seem like an eternity.

The league that TV built

Tip-off on ESPN is noon, one of 10 starting times for Syracuse this season, which is not atypical. "The league is TV-oriented or TV-mandated," says Pitt coach Dixon, "whatever you want to call it." Either will do.

In 2006, Tranghese struck a six-year deal that puts every Big East game on television, either on CBS or one of the ESPN outlets, resulting in a schedule that is, well, squirrelly. "Because of TV, we play on so many different nights of the week that it's hard to keep track," says Dixon. "We had a stretch of one game in seven days, then four games in nine days." Syracuse played four games from Jan. 10 to Jan. 19 but will have eight days off after today. Calhoun, whose teams had four games from Jan. 15 to Jan. 24, isn't exactly complaining -- after all, who can complain about too much TV, since TV brings in the recruits -- but he does wonder if the combination of the tough league, the schedule and the seams-bursting conference tournament might have the Big East "eating its young."

At any rate, Syracuse looks ready for a minivacation as it bumbles its way into overtime against Georgetown by surrendering 30 points over the final 6:30. But in the extra session two momentum-changing three-pointers by Devendorf, superb point guard play by Flynn (six points, two assists, one rebound) and the Boeheim-designed out-of-bounds play that gets Devendorf a layup combine to turn the tide.

"I'm getting too old for this," the 64-year-old Boeheim says as his team jubilantly gathers around him after the game. He wants to acknowledge the game's importance in the run-up to the NCAA tournament but stops short. "I'll tell you what. This is the game that... well, all we really know is that it gets us going again and probably knocks them out." In truth, Syracuse's 19th win all but locks up a bid.

The coach stays positive for a minute or two but, being Boeheim, just can't keep himself from turning gloomy. "If we would've blown this game," he says, "it would've been the worst loss in the history of Syracuse basketball."

Jim Boeheim addresses his team

A chorus of groans follows. "No, seriously," he continues. "Are you kidding me? A 16-point lead at home. It would...."

In the back of the room, Flynn stands up. "Hold it, Coach. We've heard it all before," the point guard says, waving his arms. He raises his hands to bring the team together, leaving a smiling Boeheim shrugging his shoulders and effectively ending the lecture. Man, how Harris would've liked to have done the same thing a few times during the week.

Good for Andy Roddick

Andy Roddick has withdrawn from a tourney in Dubai after a female tennis player was denied an entry visa to Dubai because she is Israeli.
Shahar Peer, the 48th-ranked women’s player in the world was unable to play in the Barclay's Dubai Tennis Championships.
Tournament officials cited local public opinion about Israel’s incursion into the Gaza Strip, the possibility of a spectator boycott and the security of Peer as reasons to deny her a visa.
Andy Ram of Israel was allowed to play in the men's tournament which is currently underway.
And kudos also to the Tennis Channel which decided not to broadcast the tournaments, instead airing the best matches from Peer's and Ram's careers.

The ATP and WTA, as well as all the players, specifically the Williams sisters (who often complain about discrimination -- evidently only until it applies to someone else) should be ashamed of their decision to participate. And Barclay's should have withdrawn its sponsorship of the event.

But hopefully the exposure given this issue will prevent this from happening again in the future.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A Cold-Blooded Thing to Say To A Mother Fucker Before You Pop a Cap in His Ass

The "Tiger Woods is Back" hype hits a high note with this awesome ad featuring Samuel L. Jackson recreating his famous "Ezekiel 25:17" speech from "Pulp Fiction."

What I Should Have Said Theater

UConn men's basketball coach Jim Calhoun freaked out on a blogger who questioned the coach's salary:

But instead of repeatedly imploring him to get some facts, and even offering to fight the guy (I think that's what he meant), this is what Calhoun should have said:

"The number one reason America is the best country in the world is because someone can come from nothing and through hard work rise up and become a success, and get paid a lot of money for a job well done.
"I feel really badly about the financial troubles our country and this state are going through right now but it's not my fault. I'm not a bank CEO, taking millions in bonuses while running the company into the ground. I get paid a very nice salary to win basketball games and produce revenue for the University. And the basketball team brought in $12 million last year.
"My heart goes out to the families who are struggling right now, out of work, maybe kicked out of their homes. But I don't think the way to solve this problem is to change our financial system. There seem to be a lot of people out there recently who think we should become a socialist country. Every rich person should keep a little bit for himself and pay everything else away in taxes so the government can give it to poor people. But that's not the way our capitalist system works. Right now, we're going through a tough time, but if we let the system work, it will work, and the U.S. will be back on top again."

Monday, February 23, 2009

Maybe This is Why Special K Beat Me At Scrabble

I am still bitter from a Scrabble game several years ago which I lost to Special K because she used a French word (I forget what she said "Qxrzy" means in French) so I've been studying Scrabble in anticipation of a rematch.
And boy was I shocked to discover the word of the day (yes the real word of the day) that came up on Hasbro's website.

As best I can tell, this is authentic

Dildo: an object used as a penis substitute

My Red Carpet Special

Because I am so good looking and so well-dressed, who better than me to criticize the way some of the most beautiful women in the world look, and what they are wearing. But this is what people want on the internet the morning after the Oscars.

Natalie Portman looked the best out of the women I saw. She is too skinny to be considered really hot, but she looked great.

Natalie Portman Oscars

A couple of hot women and Poop favorites, Jessica Biel and Maria Menounos wore nice dresses, but dresses that didn't exactly complement their ridiculous figures.

Jessica Biel Oscars

What the fuck is that shit on the bottom of Maria's dress?

Maria Menounos Oscars

On the other hand, Beyonce. Some women didn't exactly love the design of this dress, but no one can argue that it accentuates her curves.

Beyonce Oscars

Look at that ass, good lawd, don't hurt nobody.

Isla Fisher looked a little pale in this red dress.

See what I did there?

This is Alicia Keys, who is learning what she needs to do to become a mainstream artist

Alicia Keys Oscars

Sophia Loren, not bad for 74. I'm considering a WYB?

Then there's Goldie Hawn, who is beginning to show all of her 63 years. Mrs. Poop said she was "a hot mess."

Phoebe Cates looks a lot better in a red bikini than in a red dress. The years have not been kind to her.

Jennifer Grey must have the same plastic surgeon as Mickey Rourke. She doesn't look like the same person who danced her way into our hearts as Baby in "Dirty Dancing."

Sarah Jessica Parker was by far the most disgusting looking woman at the Awards. She has really tiny tits, so I have no idea what kind of bra she was working with but these things were pushed up so high and so wide.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Two Years Ago on the Poop

One of the most exciting, special, wonderful and yet somehow controversial posts in the history of the Poop. The one where I announced Mrs. Poop was pregnant with Chase.
Pretty amazing that two years have gone by since then (and that Chase is 18 months old now).
I just went back and reread all the nice messages of congratulations we received back then and it reinforces my decision to break this news (and the news of the previous miscarriage) on the Poop.
I wouldn't be able to go back and smile if I did what the haters wanted and called you individually to tell you.
That's fine for some people, but not for me.
I love all my Poopheads and I'm pleased to get to share my life with you all.
But you could you please stop voting against me in the polls simply out of spite.