Friday, May 16, 2008

Rain Rain Go Away

The rules of Major League Baseball allow the home team to determine if the game will be rained out, up until the game begins. Once the game begins, the umpires are in control.
It has been raining all day, and the forecast is for more rain, yet the Yankees won't cancel the game.
I know they don't want the hassle of a day/night doubleheader but I think their real motivation is to find a break in the weather, start the game, then when the rain resumes the umps will cancel the game and the Mets will have burned Johan Santana.

Update: They finally called the game but way too late. No makeup date is announced so it likely won't be made up this weekend. Maybe we'll have another day night Shea Yankee doubleheader.

Manny Being Manny Man

A great compilation of the best goofball moments in Manny's career.

And the latest:

He Needs a Sponsor

When Paul Goydos made his surprising run at the TPC he was the only one on the leaderboard without a sponsor's logo on his hat.
Instead he honored his alma mater, Long Beach State. Their teams are officially called the "49ers" but the baseball team has the pseudonym "Dirtbags."
If you look closely you can see the word Dirtbags on the bill of his hat.

Goydos said midway through the tournament he was offered money by sponsors to ditch the Dirtbags and wear their hat, but he didn't want to screw up the karma. He lost anyway.

Kim Kardashian Foretells Natural Disasters

Before the cyclone in Myanmar Kim Kardashian and her idiotic sisters recorded this public service announcement.

"You Kept Making All the Stops?" "People Kept Ringing the Bell!"

Some asshole in Milwaukee runs on a bus and starts kicking the shit out of the bus driver. Amazingly the driver keeps going while fighting off his assailant.

Of course that scene reminded me of the famous scene from Seinfeld.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Way OxyContin is Supposed to Work

OxyContin, the brand name for OxyCodone, is actually a wonderful pain reliever when used appropriately. The drug was designed with a time release component so that the patient could get pain relieving effects from one pill over a period of 12 hours.
But the drug has become so widely abused because when crushed, the time release no longer works and the user can get the full effect of the drug over a much shorter period of time.
As some astute Poopheads may have noticed Blogspot has a new feature that works the way OxyContin is supposed to.
I can now assign a time in the future to a post when I write. Without me doing anything further, that post will automatically publish when it hits that time.
So instead of releasing a group of 6 posts in the morning and nothing again until the next morning, I'm now staggering my posts in intervals of about 2 hours, as per the results of this poll.

Baseball is Poop

Who Got the Better of This Trade?
In the offseason the Reds traded outfielder Josh Hamilton to the Rangers for pitcher Edinson Volquez.
They might be the two best players in the majors so far this year.
Hamilton is batting .301 with 9 homers and 43 RBI (leading the AL by 10). His .909 OPS is not spectacular, only 24th in the majors, but his splits with men on base are much higher, contributing to his RBI total.
But the Reds probably got the better of the deal because pitching is so much more valuable and right now Volquez is 6-1 with a 1.12 ERA, a 1.26 WHIP and a 10.61 K/9 innings.

Smoke and Mirrors
The Tampa Bay Rays and the Florida Marlins are tied (with each other, and the Cubs) for the second best record in baseball.
The Rays payroll is $44 million, the Marlins is half that.
23 teams have higher payrolls than the Rays and Marlins, combined.
The two teams have only one pitcher in the top 25 in the majors in ERA.
Tampa Bay's best hitter, by OPS, is Eric Hinske. They don't even have a guy batting as high as .290.
So how are they doing it?
The Marlins have the excellent 1-2 combination of Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla as table setters. But they also have a bunch of guys (Mike Jacobs, Jeremy Hermida and Josh Willingham) who are driving them in. They've also been getting decent starting pitching, lots of winnable games from Scott Olsen and Mark Hendrickson, but their bullpen has been unbelievable, 5 guys with ERAs under 3.00.
And it's a similar pattern for the Rays, everyone up and down the lineup is contributing, and their starters while unspectacular are keeping them in games.
Edwin Jackson and James Shields have been good, while Andy Sonnanstine has been lucky (5-1 with a 5.07 ERA). But they also have 5 good relievers with sub-3.00 ERAs.
Usually when you have a surprise team the reason is an overwhelmingly good record in 1-run games (which is often a product of luck and usually evens out over time) but the Marlins are only 7-4 and the Rays are 4-4 in 1-run games.
Of course I don't expect either of these teams to fend off their much more talented division rivals for long but it's interesting to see for now.

Think Pink
Major League Baseball had it's annual Breast Cancer Awareness Day on Mother's Day with many players wearing pink wristbands and swinging pink bats.

Big Papi swings a pink stick
Joe Mauer greets his mom on the field
Khalil Greene makes solid contact with his pink bat
Daryle Ward's pink bat
Carlos Beltran and Luis Castillo hold hands while wearing pink wristbands

The Eyes Have It
A strange sight at Dodgers games this year as a huge set of eyes stares out at the field from the outfield wall.
I'm trying to find out if this is some sort of promotional tie in for vision correction surgery.

UPDATE: The Dodgers got back to me with an entirely unsatisfactory answer. They say they put the eyes of a couple players on the the outfield walls during their at bats, specifically Chin Lung-Hu.

Big eyes on the wall at Dodger Stadium stare at Moises Alou
Giants eyes on the wall at Dodger Stadium stare at Carlos Lee

Cool Picture of the Week
Fans go for a foul ball.

My Thoughts on Mike D'Antoni

I can't understand for the life of me why Mike D'Antoni took this job. And I'm not quite sure either why the Knicks wanted him.
But before anyone has a serious discussion about this move you need to understand that no matter who the coach was, this team is not going to be any good for at least 2 years.

People who are criticizing the move presumably expect D'Antoni to come to the Knicks and try to implement his same style of play to an inferior roster. I don't think he'll do that, but if he does he will fail.

That said I don't expect him to abandon his philosophy that the best scoring chances are available in the first 7 seconds of the shot clock.

Speaking of that, if you really want to understand D'Antoni you should read ":07 Second Or Less". You'd understand that he's less concerned with Xs and Os than he is with the mental side of the game.

And as a matter of fact, D'Antoni may be the perfect coach for a team that is full of guys who only want to score and can't or won't play any defense. Crawford, Curry and Randolph are all scorers who don't defend well. So wouldn't they be better off in a system that stressed offense, instead of trying to force them to become great defenders?

Why do so many people think Mark Jackson was such a good choice for this job? What's the evidence that he would be able to do something with this group of guys.

My final verdict is that I don't love D'Antoni but I don't think there were better options available. And I think the Knicks are in an impossible situation and we should give D'Antoni 3 years to work through this mess and not begin judging him until year 4.

Why is this man smiling?  I have no idea

You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth?

Watch carefully as LeBron James gets taken into the first row on a hard foul by Paul Pierce. You'll see a woman in a white shirt get up and enter the fray (Kevin Garnett is holding her back). Turns out that woman is LeBron's mom. And if you can read lips you'll see him gently imploring her to take her seat.

If you are having trouble reading lips he says to his mom "sit your ass down!"

Song of The Week

"I Kissed a Girl" - Katy Perry
I'd love to be in a college bar when this song plays.

Record Label Link

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

It's All in the Hips

Jose Reyes has stopped teaching us how to speak Spanish, but now we learn how to dance.
This Sportscenter commercial is so new it's not on yet, so enjoy this poor quality youtube facsimile.

An Illegal Immigrant Must Have Written This

An awesome clip surfaced of Bill O'Reilly freaking out while working on "Inside Edition" a long time ago.
When the Chris Berman clips surfaced and everyone went nuts I couldn't understand why, I thought Berman behaved like any other TV anchor.
But this blowup is completely uncalled for and completely over the top.

By the way, I've soften on O'reilly recently, I actually like to watch the second half hour of his show, when he stops blustering and talks about interesting stories/legal cases.

Stupidest Fuckin Hat Ever

Sex and the City was a horrible show, it's going to be a horrible movie and this hat is a fuckin abomination [corrected]. Sarah Jessica Parker should shoot all her advisers who told her "that hat looks really nice" before she embarrassed herself in public by wearing it.

Fly away little butterfuly
What does it say that the lesbian is the most attractive one, that lesbians have higher standards than straight men?

Sarah Jessica Parker walked into a bar and the bartender said "why the long face?"

In Japan He Actually Needs a Disguise

In case you haven't heard the story by now, former Mets manager Bobby Valentine is a hero in Japan where he manages the Chiba Lotte Marines. There have been many stories about the strange hero worship Valentine enjoys over there, but now we'll get to see it live.
ESPN2 is airing the documentary "The Zen of Bobby V" tonight (Bpbby V's 58th birthday) at 9pm.
For more on how this documentary came about, read Richard Sandomir's article in the New York Times.

By the way, I am enjoying ESPN's recent strategy of buying a lot of documentaries on the cheap instead of producing it's overblown, overdramatized ESPN Originals like "3" and "The Junction Boys."
"Black Magic" and "The Streak" were excellent, but I feel that ESPN is not doing enough to promote these movies (they don't even have a web page set up for Bobby V) and they are only playing them once, in prime time, when most of their viewers are watching games or other TV shows.

Monday, May 12, 2008

That's My Girl

Mrs. Poop is a reluctant gambler, but also a lover of reality TV.
So when given the opportunity to play in a "Survivor" pool, she plunked her money down.
When she drew Parvati, she didn't know what to think, my nose started bleeding (euphemism from HIMYM).
After a long and exciting season my nose is bleeding again because Parvati won and Mrs. Poop won $250.
If you've given up watching Survivor you missed a very good season. Two people (two of the toughest guys) were forced by medical to leave the game with infections, and the run to the finish was marked by a series of blindsides and the stupidest move in Survivor history.
Erik, a dorky douchebag, was so awed that hot girls he saw on TV were talking to him, that he fell for their trap and gave away his immunity in order to earn their respect (which he really didn't need because they couldn't beat him at anything).
There was even a surprising but alluring lesbian angle in the final episode.
A good season, made even better by Mrs. Poop's good fortune.
Thanks, Parv.

Mrs. Poop's Cousin in Playboy (with SFW pictures)

Mrs. Poop's Cousin is featured in a new pictorial in Playboy.
When Conor started working for Playboy, working on photo shoots, it sounded like the best job ever. But it actuality it was really the definition of specious because he was only doing men's fashion spreads.
But now Conor parlayed that into a gig as a model in this month's issue.

The Exploratory Committee To Elect Reissberg To Congress

With the troubles of Vito Fossella likely to cost him his career, Reissberg has asked me to gather some polling data to find out how such a run for Congress would be received.

Names Every Kid in Class Has

As it does every Mother's Day, the Social Security Administration revealed it's list of top baby names for 2007:

1) Jacob
2) Michael
3) Ethan
4) Joshua
5) Daniel
6) Christopher
7) Anthony
8) William
9) Matthew
10) Andrew

1) Emily
2) Isabella
3) Emma
4) Ava
5) Madison
6) Sophia
7) Olivia
8) Abigail
9) Hannah
10) Elizabeth

Emily has been #1 since 1996 and Jacob has been #1 since 1999.
I love that 2 palindromes made the girls list.
Chase ranked #79, it's been between 76 and 87 since 1996.
Katrina fell to 598, from 246 in 2005.

And the press release also including this hysterical passage:
For reasons likely to puzzle baby name experts around the world, American parents have become infatuated by names, particularly for their sons, that rhyme with the word “maiden.” These names for boys include: Jayden (No. 18); Aiden (No. 27); Aidan (No. 54); Jaden (No. 76); Caden (No. 92); Kaden (No. 98); Ayden (No.102); Braden (No.156); Cayden (No.175); Jaiden (No.191); Kaiden (No. 220); Aden (No. 264); Caiden (No. 286); Braeden (No. 325); Braydon (No. 361); Jaydon (No. 415); Jadon (No. 423); Braiden (No. 529); Zayden (No. 588); Jaeden (No. 593); Aydan (No. 598); Bradyn (No. 629); Kadin (No. 657); Jadyn (No. 696); Kaeden (No. 701); Jaydin (No. 757); Braedon (No. 805); Aidyn (No. 818); Haiden (No. 820); Jaidyn (No. 841); Kadyn (No. 878); Jaydan (No. 887); Raiden (No. 931); and Adin (No. 983). This startling trend was present, but less pronounced, with girls names: Jayden (No. 172); Jadyn (No. 319); Jaden (No. 335); Jaiden (No. 429); Kayden (No. 507); and Jaidyn (No. 561). Social Security spokesman Mark Lassiter indicated that the agency would resist any legislative efforts to standardize the spelling of these names

Watch This While Sitting Still

And it will make you dizzy if you stare intently.

I doubt those are real Shell engineers and I'm pretty sure that wasn't real puke but watching Kevin Harvick do donuts did make me a little queasy.

I Think I'm Going Outta My Head

Mr. Redlegs falls off a cart and loses his baseball head. As far as mascots with baseball heads go I think Mr. Met still rules, but the moustache is a nice touch.
I wonder if any Cincinnati fan ever got a Mr. Redlegs birthday cake.

I love the way he covers his face like when a Mexican wrestler gets unmasked.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Watching Wally

The reality series "Playing for Peanuts", which profiled the independent league team managed by Wally Backman, premieres tonight at 6pm on SNY.
You can probably catch it on reairs during the week.


Papa Poop is like Ernie Banks, he loves a good doubleheader. And he passed that love on to me, and he and I have sat through some doozies. We were at a rain soaked double header against the Giants in 2006, when Milledge pinch ran and scored the winning run in game 2, the day before his famous game-tying hand slapping homer. We sat through a freezing doubleheader against the Cubs on Passover a few years before that, when Master Bates's complaining was more difficult to tolerate than the weather.
But even I don't think I could have done what Papa Poop did.
He had tickets for Friday's and Saturday's games against the Reds so when they were rescheduled for a doubleheader he decided he would stay for both.
Brother-in-law Derick joined him for game 1, but none of the people with whom he has the package that had tickets for Friday, decided to come back, so he sat through the 3 hour intermission, and the 7-1 loss, by himself.
Now that's dedication.