Saturday, April 04, 2009

That's How I Want to Rehab

Los Angeles Lakers center Andrew Bynum is catching heat because he was photographed during his rehab at the Playboy Mansion with the incredibly hot Nicole Narain sitting on his shoulder.
This is not a big deal because even with her big ass Narain weighs no more than 120 pounds. Not exactly a strenuous lift for a 280 pound, 7-footer. Even on an injured knee.
Bynum explained his rationale "I got to meet Hugh Hefner. Who wouldn't want to go meet that dude? He talked about how much of a Lakers fan he is and how he is a friend of Dr. Buss. The picture obviously everybody is talking about, when I picked the Playmate up. I don't know. I just wanted to take a shot like that. I wasn't going to be a party-pooper about it."

As someone who has done tons of stupid things so as to avoid being a party-pooper. And as someone who loves black women with big asses, I also understand his motivation in that regard.

But he has to understand that this looks bad. As a guy who always gets hurt, takes forever to come back and has already been accused of not rehabbing seriously this is not the image to portray to the fans and his teammates.

andrew bynum and nicole narain

Omar Gets Another Washed-Up Veteran

After an off-season of avoiding the type of reactionary moves that fans love but never actually work out the Mets may have ruined everything by signing Gary Sheffield after he was released by the Tigers.

1) Sheffield sucks right now. Look at his stats over the past three years. He hasn't just been average, he's been bad. And he's 40, what would make the Mets think he can turn it around?
2) He's old, and slow and can't play defense. The Mets refuse to realize the intangibles young players bring. They obviously haven't been watching over the past three years as rallies were killed when the slow-footed Mets grounded into double plays and failed to take extra bases. Adding him to a lineup of Delgado and Schneider and maybe on some days Tatis creates a base-running disaster.
3) The Mets are so stubborn they will stick with Sheffield the entire season no matter how badly he plays because they won't want to admit mistakes.
4) This stunts the growth of the promising Danny Murphy. He could potentially be the solution to the Mets problem with the #2 hole, but this guarantees he'll be sitting almost all the time against lefties this season. It also relegates Fernando Tatis to pinch hitter only. Tatis was better last year than Sheffield has been in any of the last three years. Sure, Tatis is old and injury prone but so is Sheffield.
5) Sheffield was a steroid user. The steroids were keeping him young and in shape, now that he quit (we think) he got old fast.
6) Sheffield is a bad guy. A horrible selfish player. Do you really think he is going to accept playing only against lefties? No way. He's going to cause problems in the clubhouse, a clubhouse with a new manager and devoid of the leadership necessary to handle an asshole like Sheffield.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Song of the Week

"She's Fine (Halle Berry)"
From the gentleman who brought you the classic "Ay Bay Bay" comes another club-banger.

Note: the above video is not the full song but it has clips from Halle Berry movies so I like it.

And here's Halle Berry doing a sexy dance (because she doesn't know any unsexy dances) to the song that invokes her name.

The Impossible Sit-Up

Very few details on this but it looks like it happened in the Detroit Tigers locker room. You tell a rookie he can't do a sit-up with his eyes covered. So you place a towel over his face and goad him into it.
To hilarious results.
But be careful, this video may not be suitable for all workplaces.

Impossible Situp Prank - Watch more Funny Videos

2009 Baseball Season Predictions

You know the drill, make your picks, all the same categories, post them in the comments section, the winner gets recognized at the end of th season.

NL East: New York Mets
NL Central: Chicago Cubs
NL West: Los Angeles Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Philadelphia Phillies

AL East: New York Yankees
AL Central: Cleveland Indians
AL West: Oakland A’s
AL Wild Card: Boston Red Sox

World Series: Chicago Cubs over Boston Red Sox

NL MVP: Pooh Holes
AL MVP: David Ortiz
NL Rookie of the Year: Cameron Maybin
AL Rookie of the Year: Matt LaPorta
NL Cy Young: Johan Santana
AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez
NL Manager of the Year: Lou Piniella
AL Manager of the Year: Bob Geren
NL Comeback Player of the Year: Barry Zito
AL Comeback Player of the Year: Victor Martinez

April Fool's

Kudos to those of you who caught on to my April Fool's Day Joke. But I don't think any of you specifically noticed the hints, if you had you would have been convinced it's a joke. Not only did I choose 4/1 to make this announcement, check out the time of day I posted this, and go back and read the first two words of every paragraph.

Here's why I did it:

1) I'm a narcissist
2) The enjoyment I get from this blog is the feedback and reaction from all of you. I wanted to see who would react and how, and if anyone would pick up on the hints.
3) Most importantly, pretty much everything I said in that post is true. I have no time to this anymore. It does seem like a chore to me. What I loved about this when I was first doing it is that I was writing the blog I wanted to read. I was posting things in a timely fashion, finding the best pictures to illustrate my story (I hate reading a blog that says "you should have seen this" or "so-and-sos wife is so hot" without the accompanying visual evidence) and I was writing these stories better than the AP or other services and adding my own twisted take on these events. Now all I do is cut and paste directly from the AP, and I do it five days after you've already heard the stories.
4) This post was actually my apology for doing such a crappy job on the Poop lately and a warning that it doesn't seem like the content here will improve, but I trust you'll find it beats the alternative.
5) But, all that being said, I don't plan to ever make an official announcement ending this blog. So much of my life is already recorded in these virtual pages it would be ashame to just let it die. So what I intend is to do the best I can for as long as possible.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

We Had a Good Run

Four wonderful years ago (more like three and a half) I decided to start a blog so I could share with the world the same things I was frequently e-mailing to the woman who had recently become Mrs. Poop. Since that time (a few months after our wedding) I got promoted, moved to overnights, had a baby, got fired, got a new job and blogged about all of it. And I think that’s enough.
For one reason or another I’ve put off this day until now.
For one year now – or longer – this blog has been more of an intrusion in my life than a fun hobby. As much as I enjoy doing it – my own personal need to post every good story, as quickly has possible – has become impossible at my new job, with my new schedule. And with my new kid, sitting at the computer pecking away nonsense about cheerleaders and sluts, no longer seems worth the effort. And it wasn’t just my interest that was waning. I’ve noticed that many once loyal Poopheads now only check the blog once a week or less. As hits from strangers looking for cheerleaders pooping went through the roof, hits (and comments) from the people I actually care about, fell off. But I thank you all for reading and participating over the years and for bearing with me over the past few months as this once great blog became a shell of itself.
For one last time, I click publish post – and say goodbye.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Deirdre Wuz Robbed

Mrs. Poop's cousin Deirdre is a very civic minded, and fashion minded person, so the Stiletto Stampede is perfect for her.
As part of Charleston's Fashion Week people get dressed up in crazy costumes and run a 100 meter dash, to raise money for charity.
There was also a prize for best costume, and that's where Deirdre got hosed. Her Octomom get-up was genius, and incredibly accurate to the real Octomom, including those authentic lips.

Deirdre lost to some douche in drag (at right) and even worse, his boots have a thick heel, they're not stilettos at all.

That Was the Game We've Been Waiting For

There's been a lot of complaining during this NCAA tournament about a lack of good, exciting games.
Villanova and Pittsburgh delivered in what will likely go down as the signature game of this tournament.
Villanova jumped out to a big lead, and Pittsburgh slowly fought back.
After that it was a back and forth affair almost the entire time, until Villanova built a 4-point lead with 20 seconds to go.
DaJuan Blair (I was right, third best player on the team) scored to make it 2, then Reggie Redding made the stupidest pass of all-time. All he needs to do there is get the ball in bounds. Instead it's a turnover, then they foul Levance Fields who sinks two free throws to tie it (onions!).
Fortunately for Villanova Scottie Reynolds bailed them out with one of the best coast-to-coast game-winning drives ever.
Pittsburgh blew it when they didn't cut Reynolds off at half-court and force him to give up the ball.

Tom Izzo has taken Michigan State to 5 Final Fours in 14 years at the school. And he does it without bringing in top recruiting classes every year. The guy is a damn good coach.

But I've seen enough shots of a worried Lupe Izzo. Leave the poor woman alone.

Even after Louisville dominated Arizona I still had a feeling Michigan State would beat them. Michigan State can impose their will and force teams out of their game plans. Louisville has trouble scoring in the open court.

UConn is really impressive. I have a strong feeling Jim Calhoun will retire after this season. Wouldn't it be cool if Geno Auriemma took over.

With Ty Lawson back and playing the way he is I don't think anyone can beat North Carolina.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Smoking Smarties

Lots of controversy about this video as this young punk smokes his Smarties and will surely grow up to a life of smoking cigarettes, then weed, then stealing from his mama's purse to pay for his crack habit.
A little ridiculous if you ask me, but I'm not letting Chase watch this, just to be safe.

Good Seats Still Available

Two prime seats right behind home plate at CitiField are available.
Those seats in either the first or second row behind home plate, a section known as Delta Club Platinum, once belonged to Madoff Securities.
Now the trustee for says they are an asset of the firm and should be monetized.
The seats (not sure if there are 2 or 4, maybe more) go for $695 each for platinum games like Opening Day and the games against the Yankees. They cost $595 for gold games, $495 for silver, $395 for bronze, and a steal at $295 for value games.
That comes out to $40,000 per seat for the season.
"They're paid for. They can do with them what they want to," says Mets Executive Vice President David Howard said.

Those Who Forget the Past Are Doomed to Repeat It

"He is doing a terrific job."
-President Obama describing Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner

"Heckuva job Brownie."
-President Bush describing FEMA Managing Director Michael Brown

Both men were terribly mishandling the worst crises (natural disaster and economic) to hit this country in many years, and both Presidents were standing by their man.

ShamWow Guys Punches a Hooker

ShamWow pitchman Vince Shlomi was arrested last month on felony battery charges for allegedly punching a stripper.
Police reports claim Shlomi met 26-year-old prostitute Lenea Harris at a Miami nightclub, and subsequently brought her back to his room at Setai Hotel. Shlomi allegedly paid Harris $1,000 for "straight sex."
That's went things took a turn.
Shlomi told police "that he kissed [Harris] when all of a sudden [Harris] bit his tongue and would not let go."
Shlomi punched Harris several times until she released his tongue, and then ran to the lobby to call police. Harris suffered several cuts and fractures to her face.

Josh is so jealous.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Celeb Sighting

I was walking through the lobby of my building reading my book. When I heard the clomp of high heels walking towards me, I looked up.
I saw a woman in a very short skirt.
When my eyes got up to her face I realized I was about to bump into Ann Coulter.

Pictures of Jim Boeheim Making Stupid Faces vs. Oklahoma

Ok, so maybe that picture wasn't so bad. That's why I've also included this one, look closely.

Blake Griffin is a Douche

What kind of douche bangs his head on the backboard while going up for a dunk?
Fuck Blake Griffin.