Saturday, January 28, 2006

Are Tights Lucky?

The Cleveland Cavaliers are 5-0 since LeBron James began wearing tights under his shorts. Anywhere else that we've seen great fortune be visited upon a man wearing tights?

Melo would look better in tights
I sincerely hope this look doesn't catch on in the hood
Let's review: tights are lucky, horseheads...not so much

TallSkott Needs to Answer This Ad

On Craigslist:

I have a fantasy that I would like to live out. As you guessed it. You come over in a Roethlisberger jersey, bend me over and fuck me. I don't want a relationship but would like this fantasy filled before the Super Bowl. Thanks. Send a picture and maybe we can meet up.

Happy Anniversary

This is the 500th post on the Paul's Poop (formerly News U Can't Use). To celebrate the occassion I've gone back and created a list of my 20 favorite posts. Some of them are more than one link relating to either the same story or the same premise. Please feel free to share any thoughts on the list or something you may remember that I left off.

Now on to our countdown:

20. I love Eva Longoria, and the pop-up captions on this one are great

19. I still think this is the funniest name in college basketball But Derek likes Chris Porn better

18. How to test a toilet

17. How I Met Your Mother is a good show

16. Knicks naked shower fight, Sobel loves this one

15. Sex Boat Legal proceedings, poor Smoot

14. The FSU slut

13. For sheer coincidence this should be #1

12. ESPN caption fuck up, you won't find this one anywhere else but here

11. Carrie Underwood and puppies, ladies love puppies

10. How I won the football pool for Adam and Harley

9. Pictures of me and my jerseys and a new jersey and we can't forget my jersey recommendations for our readers

8. Pictures of Diesel and Diesel's trip to the hospital

7. Pictures of a hot black chick with a big ass and Pictures of a hot white chick with long legs

6. Melo and LeBron, surely a running theme on this blog for the next 15 years

5. Combining two Justins, Justin is great with photoshop, Justin rules

4. The Program -- greatest comments section of any post

3. Pittsnogle

2. Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders bathroom sex

1. Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation

Birdman High on Something

New Orleans Hornets forward Chris Andersen was kicked out of the league for failing a drug test. He has to wait two years for reinstatement. It seems Andersen tested positive for a "drug of abuse" like meth or cocaine. Those are the drugs for which you get kicked out of the league on the first offense. Only on the fourth positive for steroids is that the penalty. Andersen never tested positive for steroids, and I don't think steroids are a big problem in the NBA. Pot is a huge problem in the NBA but the penalties are much less severe.

Remember hsi awful performance and crazy hairstyle at the Slam Dunk contest last year?  It took him 8 tries to make his first dunk

Bode Miller Pops Off

I ignored it when skier Bode Miller said he's skied drunk. I didn't pay attention when used a bunch of cursewords to describe U.S. ski officials. But this time I figure I'll give the guy a little pub, since that what he seems to be looking for.
Miller told Rolling Stone magazine regarding drug testing policies:

"Right now, if you want to cheat, you can: Barry Bonds and those guys are just knowingly cheating, but there's all sorts of loopholes. If you say it has to be 'knowingly,' you do what Lance [Armstrong] and all those guys do, where every morning their doctor gives them a box of pills and they don't ask anything, they just take the pills."

He is 100% right. Bonds reportedly told a grand jury that his trainer gave him "the clear" and told him it was flaxseed oil. That's just the excuse everyone uses so they can have plausible deniability. I feel exactly the same way Miller does. We know Bonds used steroids, and I'm pretty sure Armstrong did too. But they know how to beat the tests. At least Major League Baseball didn't let Palmeiro off the hook on the Sargeant Schultz "I know nothing" defense.
Only thing about Miller, maybe he shouldn't have used names, or if he had to, he could have mentioned Rafael Palmeiro and other known users. Oh and this better not be like Raffy's "thou dost protest too much" act in Congress. If Miller fails a drug test, he's done. And he should probably win a gold medal or two.

Iconoclasm Rewarded

The Pennsylvania kid who was persecuted by his high school teacher for wearing a Denver Broncos jersey before the AFC Championship game was given a chair by former Denver quarterback John Elway (the man honored on the #7 jersey the kid wore that day.)
Elway designs furniture for Bassett Furniture. Elway sent him a reclining massage chair. He said "No Broncos fan should have to sit on the floor."

Imagine if he'd be wearning a horsehead too

Friday, January 27, 2006

Mike Loves Registries

The Pittsnogles are expecting their first child any day now. The due date is Thursday February 2nd (Groundhog Day and Helaine's birthday). You can buy them a gift off of their registry at Babies R Us. May I suggest the "My Family Tree is Full of Nuts" onesie and hat set.

Oprah Apologizes

You may remember that Oprah got scammed by Jame Frey, the author of "A Million Little Pieces." The book was a memoir of the author's experiences with drugs. Turns out he exaggerated a lot of it. Oprah stood by him. Now Oprah is changing her mind.
Oprah said she felt conned and embarrassed, and she wishes she hadn't called Larry King to defend Frey.
"I regret that phone call. I made a mistake. I left the impression that the truth does not matter, and I am deeply sorry about that. That is not what I believe. I called in because I loved the message of his book. At the time, every day, I was reading e-mail after e-mail from people who were inspired by his story. And I have to say I allowed that to cloud my judgment. To everyone who has challenged my position, you are absolutely right."

I challeneged her position. I said that when this first happened she should have thrown him under the bus. She should have said all of this then. That she was duped, but still believe the book has an interesting story to tell and point to make.

How dare you lie to me.  I am Oprah.  I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast

Nice Name Asshole

this logo sucks
Reissberg's dad is probably the only fan of MLS in America. So he was probably furious to find out that when the San Jose Earthquakes moved to Houston, they chose the name 1836. Not the 1836ers (like 76ers or 49ers), just 1836, the year Houston was founded. That is an incredibly stupid team name.

I'm sure they'll sell tons of t-shirts with this innovative design

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I Didn't Think Urine Contained DNA

Paris Hilton's publicists are trying to silence a Hawaiian taxi driver who claims the socialite urinated in his cab.
Harden Jamison tells the National Enquirer the hotel heiress and Simple Life star was too drunk to notice she'd wet herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up after a party on Maui.
The disgusted cab driver claims he mopped up the mess with a towel and plans to use Hilton's own DNA as evidence against her.
Jamison has gone public with his story after getting threatened by Hilton's heavies, who hitched a ride in his cab, after making it known that he has a towel drenched with the socialite's urine.
He says, "They were all drunk and abusive. I kicked them out and flagged down a cop."
The cab driver claims one of Hilton's pals offered him $200 for the towel.
A spokesman for the socialite denies the incident.

We Still Love Him

My affinity for Kevin Pittsnogle is not diminished by his Patrick Ewing guarantee regarding West Virginia's game against Marshall.
Before the game he said:
“We’ll win. We’re going to do it. I have faith in my teammates. I know coach doesn’t like it, but I’m going to do it anyway. I guarantee a win. Myself and the other seniors have a pact. We know we’re going to win. There is no doubt. I guarantee it.”

After teh game he said:
"I'm still glad I said it. There's nothing wrong with what I said. I think it was just more like confidence.''

That's because WVU lost, 58-52. Pitts did have 20 points though.

Coach Ditka Flushes His Dignity

Mike Ditka has a ridiculous commercial for airing during the Super Bowl.
He'll help you brush up on your toilet flushing techniques in advance of the annual Super Bowl flush. According to urban legend (and the folks at Scott brand toilet paper), football fans will flush 90 million toilets at roughly the same time during Super Bowl XL. The amount of water flushed during halftime is the same amount that flows over Niagra Falls in seven minutes. The Web site offers advice for avoiding clogs during the “Halftime Flush.”
The Scott “Clog Clinic” has teamed up with former Ditka (former coach of Da Bears!) to “take control of toilet terror” at At the website you can find, clog prevention tips from Scott Clog Clinic researchers; an informational video starring Ditka; 10 uses for that soon-to-be obsolete plunger; a toilet flushing ring tone for your mobile phone; a “Know Your Flusher” matching game; a downloadable “Clog Free Zone” sign; and, of course, information about the rapid “dissolvability” of Scott tissue.
Do not use your toilet as a wastebasket. Do not put small objects on the back of your toilet that could fall in and cause a clog.
Says Ditka: “See, during halftime, so many johns are flushed, they go into overtime mode. All that water pressure can cause serious clogs, so it’s important to prepare.”

TallSkott Suspended

Greg Ostertag was suspended indefinitely by the Utah Jazz on Thursday for his conduct after a loss to Seattle.
The center did not show up for practice Thursday morning, a day after playing less than 10 minutes in a 113-94 loss to the SuperSonics.
"We did not tell him not to come to practice," said Kevin O'Connor, Jazz vice president for basketball operations.
Ostertag's agent, Jeff Austin, did not return messages from The Associated Press on Thursday. Ostertag told The Deseret Morning News on Thursday that he had told O'Connor he wouldn't be at practice.
O'Connor, who would not elaborate on what got Ostertag suspended, said he told Ostertag that wasn't acceptable and he was expected at practice Thursday morning.

Jalen Fires Back

Denver Nuggets fans were taunting the Raptors after they allowed Kobe to score 81 points against them.
Rose said he hoped people will eventually forget it was the Raptors who were on the wrong side of history the night before: "It's kind of like losing the Super Bowl or the championship. In 30, 40 years, when somebody breaks his record, you know, nobody's going to remember who it was against."
Fans at the Pepsi Center kept reminding the Raptors of Bryant's 81 every chance they got.
In the closing minutes, one final heckler hollered "Kobe!" at Rose, who turned and quickly quieted him.
"Plummer!" Rose shot back, reminding Denver's fans of their own nightmarish Sunday, when Jake Plummer turned the ball over four times in the Broncos' 34-17 loss to visiting Pittsburgh in the AFC championship.
Derek just added Jalen Rose to his hate list.

How Tiger Met Elin

The story goes that Tiger was so nervous about asking his future wife on a first date, he had an intermediary do it. Call it a snap hook.
"Her reaction was, 'What the hell was that?'" a friend of Elin's told Sports Illustrated. "She thought it was so weird and pathetic." That she didn't immediately swoon for one of the world's most recognizable athletes says a lot.
Nordegren, who first met Woods in 2001 while working as a nanny to Jesper Parvenik's kids, had no use for fame or golfers, and thought the sport was silly. But Woods wouldn't give up, and they had formed a tight bond before the occasion of their $1.5 million Caribbean wedding in late '04. Elin, a twin, is a former swimsuit model, but she is anything but flashy. One observer calls her the "Greta Garbo" of the tour wives. She wears dark Nike clothes and cap on the course, and when asked one time if she'd ever run onto the green to kiss her husband after a victory, she replied, "Oh, no, never."
Elin's divorced parents are hard-charging professionals. Her mother, Barboro Holmberg, is a Minister of Migration in the Swedish government, and her dad, Thomas Nordegren, is a Swedish Broadcasting journalist based in Washington, D.C. And though she will never have to work a day in her life, Elin, 26, enrolled this fall at private Rollins College in Winter Park, Fla. She pushed Tiger to ski for the first time and learn Swedish, and he's taught her to scuba dive and dabble in golf.
"Without a doubt it helps having a partner there," Woods has said. "We're like a team. It makes you stronger." Says Mia Parnevik: "With the weird lifestyle he leads, he might never have met a nice girl. He's lucky he found Elin. Can you imagine how empty his life was before she came along, just hitting golf balls all day?"

Can't imagine why he was afraid to ask her out, why would he have been intimidated?
She likes Tiger putts
Why do the hottest chicks always marry the richest guys?


More great work by jusTON

SI Gets Pittsnogled

Finally some national attention for one of my favorite college basketball players ever. I reject the notion that was brought up this weekend, that I only like Pittsnogle because of his last name. I remember commenting on his big ears when he was a freshman. Back then he wore a short sleeve shirt under his jersey and looked like a 12-year old kid. Now he has a goatee, arms and tattoos to go with them. Plus he has developed a great outside game (as evidenced against Wake Forest in last year's tournament) and he's also become a good interior rebounder and defender. For non-subscribers here is the Sports Illustrated article on him that appears in this week's issue. I didn't read it yet because I have to read each issue cover-to-cover, in order.

Everybody's Been Pittsnogled!
His lovable name, long-range game and tattooed 6'11" frame have made homespun Kevin Pittsnogle West Virginia's most valuable natural resource since coal. And his Mountaineers are a force to be reckoned with

By Grant Wahl

Patty Colebank, the doyenne of the Thinkin' Ink tattoo parlor in Morgantown, W.Va., might be called the Picasso of the Appalachians if she didn't have a first-rate handle already, right there on her business card: the Mistress of Pain. In 16 years the Mistress has tattooed all manner of luminaries (future NFL players, Olympians, porn stars) and all manner of body parts ("eyelids, penises, bottoms of feet"), yet she has never had a regular customer quite like West Virginia's resident folk hero, Mountaineers senior center Kevin Pittsnogle.

"He's the most laid-back popular person I've met," says Colebank, who has created three of Pittsnogle's half-dozen tats and (at his urging) two for his mother, Tammy. Last week Pittsnogle and his wife, Heather, paid the Mistress a visit to go over plans for her next masterwork: a baby boy surrounded by angel wings sitting on a cloud bearing the name Kwynsie James Pittsnogle. Lil' Pitts is due to show up any day now, first in the hospital and then on Dad's right forearm. "We can't wait to be parents," Kevin says, and after three baby showers their two-bedroom apartment is ready. "The best gift we've gotten is the Diaper Genie -- you put the diapers in it so they don't stink up the whole house."

A year after Pittsnogle saw his name turned into a verb and came within a game of the Final Four, the Mountaineers are in no danger of stinking up their house, to say nothing of hostile arenas. Last Saturday's 60-56 win at No. 17 UCLA gave No. 9 West Virginia (14-3) its 12th straight victory, a streak that includes road takedowns of No. 6 Villanova and No. 24 Oklahoma. Through Sunday the Mountaineers were second in the nation in three-pointers per game (11.2), not least because their goateed marksman is dropping 2.2 treys a game -- a remarkable number for a big man.

"We have never played anybody like him," Sooners coach Kelvin Sampson says of Pittsnogle, who is averaging 19.8 points and 6.4 rebounds. "He's a two guard who grew to 6'11". They hardly ever post him up, and he's always open because it's foreign for big guys to go out and cover him."

"What separates him is his quick release," says West Virginia coach John Beilein. "I want to get a stopwatch and measure the time from when the passer releases the ball to when his shot hits the goal."

After removing his distinctive name from last year's NBA draft -- he would have been a second-round pick at best -- Pittsnogle has shed 27 pounds since October and now weighs a svelte 248. His draft stock has risen as his weight has dropped, with one NBA Western Conference scout projecting him as a late first-round or early second-round pick. "He shoots like a 6-footer," says the scout. "He'll never be an explosive inside player, but that's O.K. because he's so highly skilled at what he does."

And to think that back at Martinsburg (W.Va.) High, Pittsnogle got teased so much that he asked his mother if he could use her maiden name (Shepherd). "Now I say, 'See what Pittsnogle got you!'" roars Tammy, who wears a MOMMA PITT jersey to games and is so loud that she was once reproached by a Big East referee.

As the team's only West Virginia native on scholarship, Pittsnogle has spawned a cottage industry cashing in on his appeal. The phrase You've Been Pittsnogled! has appeared on T-shirts, socks and underwear, and no jersey has been more popular at the Mountaineers team store than his number 34 (which was sold out again last week). "It's even outsold the Jerry West jersey," says shop manager Chuck Phares, referring to the school's greatest player. "People ask, 'Do you have any fake Kevin Pittsnogle tattoos?'"

Pittsnogle's appeal is rooted in his hardscrabble mining-country background. He grew up in a trailer park, where the gravel basketball court forced him to abandon dribbling in favor of shooting all the time. His mom, Tammy, dropped out of high school and married his father, Kevin Sr., when she was 18. And Junior (as Kevin's mother calls him) can be a one-man Dukes of Hazzard episode -- he's had his license suspended twice for speeding in his 1995 light-blue Oldsmobile Aurora with 20-inch rims.

But, as is usually the case, this story doesn't fit all the stereotypes. The Pheasant Ridge Trailer Park? "It wasn't high class, but it was nice," says Pittsnogle, who moved with his family into a three-bedroom house at age 10. His dropout parents? Tammy got her GED and works as a home-care coordinator at a senior center, while Kevin Sr. is a supervising mechanic at a waste-management company where he's been employed for the past 26 years. "They've worked so hard," says their only son. "I always looked to my dad and said, If he can do that, I should be able to run down the court hard every time."

Those aren't the only surprising facts about Pittsnogle. He graduated in December -- a semester ahead of schedule, thanks to summer school -- becoming the first member of his family to earn a four-year degree. (He had a 3.1 GPA with a major in athletic-coaching education and a minor in history and has entered the master's program in athletic coaching education this semester.) He's also a fantastic bowler who once rolled a 296. After he's done with basketball, he wants to become a history teacher and satisfy his longtime curiosity about the Holocaust by visiting Auschwitz. "I've been to the Holocaust Museum in D.C.," he says, "and I figure it would be powerful to see [Auschwitz] too."

As for his driving, well, consider him guilty as charged. Pittsnogle's older sister, Erika Blaylock, remembers the time in high school when Kevin, then 15, jumped into the driver's seat of her future husband's car. "Kevin floored it in reverse and backed straight into our mom's van!" Blaylock says. "He jumped out of the car and said, 'Man, when I screw up, I really screw up.'" Then there was the time last summer when teammates Mike Gansey and Patrick Beilein took Pittsnogle to play golf for the first time. "My ball was on the green, so I drove my cart right up next to it," says Pittsnogle. "Everyone starts yelling, 'You can't do that!'" Pittsnogle shrugged, sank his putt and only then moved his cart.

While Pittsnogle is proud of his West Virginia heritage, he has a delightful sense of humor about his homespun tastes. Take his October 2004 wedding, which was held in the Martinsburg High auditorium. "You know how some receptions have fancy hors d'oeuvres?" says Pittsnogle. "Well, we had corn dogs and pizza. We wanted stuff that people would really eat. Then we had some dancing and karaoke. It was a lot of fun."

Not every day has been corn dogs and pizzas, however. A month before their wedding, Heather had a miscarriage. "The doctors tell you not to worry about it, that women have them all the time, but I took it hard," she says. "Kevin did what he could trying to make me feel better." Soon afterward, he got a tattoo on his right calf honoring their lost child. "It was real hard to deal with, but Coach Beilein was like a father figure for us," says Kevin. "Now he wants to know every day what's going on with Heather's pregnancy. He seems as excited as we are."

The team has already secured NCAA approval to fly Kevin back from a road trip if he's away when Heather goes into labor, which could happen any time now: She started having contractions in early January.

Instead of handing out cigars, Kevin plans on celebrating at the Thinkin' Ink. For one day, at least, the Mistress of Pain will be the Mistress of Joy too.

Pittsnogle's gonna be a daddy

Working (Out) Like a Dog

Sports Illustrated often publishes the workout regimen of athletes. I really liked this one:

It Ain't Just Leg Lifts
For champion bloodhound Knotty, fitness is a full-time job

Michele Billings judges 100 dog shows a year, and she's not woofing when she calls Ch. Heathers Knock on Wood -- Knotty to his friends -- the best bloodhound she has ever seen. Bloodhounds, Billings says, are "inherently lazy, with loose skin and soft muscles," and most owners let them stay that way. Not Lyn Sherman. After getting Knotty as a puppy in 2000, Sherman, a retired psychotherapist, crafted a diet and fitness program to help him develop a physique that would separate him from his peers and give him the stamina for 10-hour dog-show days. Billings, citing his solid musculature and commanding presence, judged Knotty as best-in-show at last year's AKC/Eukanuba National Championship. That, plus a record 48 other best-in-show titles, says his regimen's working. Here's Knotty's workout as he prepares for the Westminster Kennel Club show in New York City next month:

Exercise Sherman is trained in massage therapy and, like the trainers of human athletes, believes in stretching. "I start by stretching out each of his legs, and I pull the tail to elongate the spine," she says. "He loves it." A large dog -- at 127 pounds he outweighs the average bloodhound by about 10 pounds -- Knotty runs daily (often to disco music) in Sherman's Topanga, Calif., home on the Jog a Dog, a treadmill that's longer (72 inches) than those at most gyms. While Sherman continually sprays him with water to keep him cool, Knotty warms up for three minutes at three miles per hour, then trots briskly for eight minutes at seven miles per hour before a three-minute cooldown. Sherman also leads Knotty on hourlong outdoor runs each afternoon. "He thinks he's going to find mountain lions," she says. "He's very enthusiastic."

Eating and Sleeping Knotty gets most of his daily 4,000 calories from the three cups of high-protein, high-fat kibble, topped with a half cup of fish-based canned food, that he eats twice a day. Sherman sometimes adds boiled organic chicken and stewed tomatoes and, once a week, throws in spaghetti and meatballs, Knotty's favorite. The rest of Knotty's training? He sleeps 16 hours a day, normal for a bloodhound.

What Was Denny Neagle Thinking?

Former Colorado Rockies pitcher Denny Neagle pleaded guilty to patronizing a hooker. He will do 40 hours of community service in Florida where he lives.
Neagle is accused of paying $40 to Jill Russell of Denver for oral sex. Neagle and Jill Russell were stopped at about 1:15 a.m. on Dec. 4, 2004.
Last week, officers testified that they recognized Russell as a known prostitute and that Neagle's belt was undone.
The Rockies terminated his contract soon after the arrest, citing a morals clause violation. They reached an agreement on the money, as he was due millions.
Are you ready to see the hooker that cost Denny Neagle millions of dollars?

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Here she is...
I wouldn't fuck her with Mike Hampton's dick...and I hate Mike Hampton

Big Ben's Dog

I love Ben Roethlisberger's Rottweiler, Zeus. I wonder if Zeus gets to go to Detroit.

Perfect photo, taken in mid-lick
Diesel would have eaten the pumpkin...
and knocked over the Christmas tree

Laser Pointer on LeBron

LeBron James didn't appreciate a fan's attempt to disrupt his concentration with a laser pointer. So he took out his frustration on the bumbling Atlanta Hawks.
"Those things can damage your eyes something bad," James said. "I was standing at the foul line in the fourth quarter when the ref noticed a red dot near my forehead. That's pretty serious."
James had 38 points, nine rebounds and six assists as the Cleveland Cavaliers won their third straight game, 106-97 on Wednesday night.
Police couldn't find the guy with the laser pointer. LeBron says its the first time in his NBA career a fan used a laser pointer on him during a game.
Neither of these guys had the laser point, but the light reflecting off Nelly's grillz did cause a distraction

Beard Pau-er

In recognition of the Pau-erful play of forward Pau Gasol, the Memphis Grizzlies encouraged fans with beards to go to last night's game and every fan with a beard was given a buy-one-get-one free voucher for the Grizzlies Feb. 1 game vs. Dallas. For those fans unable to grow beards, the Grizzlies gave away Pau-inspired beards to the first 5,000 fans to enter the building. Also fans could shave a little time by downloading a beard.
“Pau is playing with Samson-like power this season,” said Grizzlies President of Business Operations Andy Dolich. “His growth as a player is clearly cutting edge. We are glad to have him hair.”
Pau scored 30 in the Grizzlies win.

Lorenzen Wright applauds the great turnout on Beard night
a Pau-erful dunk
kind of young to start shaving
the downloadable beard
Beard Pau-er is working for Big Ben so far

Fun With Photoshop

We told you all about the USC Song Girl who mistakenly cheered a Texas touchdown in the Rose Bowl. Derek directed us to these pictures taken at some of her other premature celebrations. While Justin's photoshop skills are legendary (he's working on a new Photoshop project for PP), these guys from UMich are pretty good themselves.

Go Trojans!!!!!
Hindenberg disaster
With Hitler
JFK Assassination
Kent State shooting
The Scream
Rodney King beating

Why Elin Married Tiger

Are Tiger and Elin Woods planning a large family?
The couple has agreed to plunk down $38 million for 10 acres of property in Jupiter Island, Fla.
In addition to a 13,207-square-foot, two-story main house with eight bedrooms and 13 bathrooms, the property includes a six-bedroom house, several guest houses and two docks, perhaps with enough space for his 155-foot yacht.
But the location is what really sold Woods -- the site stretches from the Atlantic Ocean to the Intracoastal Waterway.
"I'm close to the water," Woods said Tuesday. "I grew up here in southern Cal not too far away from the beach, and I miss the ocean. Being in Orlando ... there's a bunch of lakes, but it's not the ocean."
Woods, who's playing in the Buick Invitational this week in San Diego, moved to Orlando in 1996 when he turned pro.
Woods' home in Orlando was recently assessed at $2.5 million. He and Elin also own property in California, Sweden and Jackson, Wyo.
Woods said he likely would keep a house or a villa at Isleworth, an exclusive community outside Orlando with a golf course that he said was tougher than anything he could find in south Florida.
The $38-million transaction marks the largest single residential sale in Martin County history.
Woods' new property actually was sold to three companies, each with a common Orlando address that belongs to ETW Corp., his licensing agent. Woods, who turned 30 last month, and his father, Earl, are listed as two of the company's principals.
Jupiter Island, north of Palm Beach, is considered among the nation's wealthiest enclaves. It's already home to golfers Greg Norman and Nick Price and singers Celine Dion and Alan Jackson.

Tiger played yesterday's pro-am round with Fatty McButterpants

Little Piggies

A family in Spanish Fork, Utah says they wouldn't have believed it if they didn't see it with their own eyes; the family pig being a mother to two Border collie puppies.
The Bosley family says their pig "Bertha Mayhou" recently gave birth to five piglets, but two of them didn't make it.
They also got two purebred Border collie pups and put the pups in their own pen in the barn. The Bosleys say the pups kept getting out of their pen and wouldn't eat their food, but kept getting bigger.
This past Saturday they found out why. The pups were getting into the pig's pen and feeding off the pig alongside the piglets.
"I happen to come out here on Saturday and they were in the pen suckling the pig," said Nancy Bosley. "... I have never seen anything like that."
The Bosleys say the mother pig watches over the two pups as if they were her own, even occasionally nudging the pups while they're sleeping just to make sure they are OK.

Good video.
Suckiling off the teat

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Ron Artest is Crazy

Ron Artest relented and accepted the trade to the Sacramento Kings. Gavin Maloof who co-owns the Kings and The Palms casino in Vegas summed up the rationale for acquiring Artest, "we're gamblers." You've got the next season or so of your franchise parlayed on the hard 8. Good luck.

81 Points in 3 Minutes

Watch all of Kobe's 81 points condensed into this three minute video.

Busy Mrs. Benson

Turns out Anna Benson was doing a photo shoot with FHM for the cover of their baseball preview issue when she found out she and her husband Kris had been traded to the Baltimore Orioles. That explains the baseball bra that peeked out from under her Orioles jersey at the press conference.

Mets Caravan

The Mets were front and center on WFAN today, Mike and the Mad Dog had on several Mets guests. I only heard Paul LoDuca and Omar Minaya and here is what I learned:

Paul LoDuca on becoming a Met: "I couldn't be more happier." (I hate double superlatives.)
Paul LoDuca on Duaner Sanchez: "He has big huevos."
Omar Minaya on trading Kris Benson to get rid of Anna: "We made a baseball trade."
Omar Minaya on Mrs. Benson as Mrs. Claus: "My wife wanted a Range Rover, I wanted to get her that dress."

Basically, Omar says they made the two trades to get better in the bullpen and it sure seemed like Benson was a salary/Anna dump. We all know Jorge Julio sucks. He says the Japanese pitcher and maybe Brian Bannister could be ready to jump into the rotation if one of our five (Pedro, Glavine, Trachsel, Zambrano or Heilman) goes down. Bullpen will be Bradford, Schmoll, Sanchez, Julio and Wagner. Kaz Matsui will get another chance at second base but Bret Boone and Anderson Hernandez will be given the chance to compete.

Final Word About Last Weekend

Derek writes about his unpleasant experience watching the Broncos game with three Steelers fans. A must read, if only to check out the pictures of Smokey's get up.

Josh, It's Whale Vomit, not Whale Vagina

An Australian family could make up to a million dollars, after stumbling upon a rare, 32-pound lump of whale vomit on a beach.
A marine ecologist says the gunk is belched from a whale as a waxy and foul-smelling substance.
But after floating around the ocean for ten years, the sun and salt water cleanse it.
What's left is a high-priced substance used for perfumes, medicines and aphrodisiacs.

Good Officiating

Houston Coach Tom Penders was given a technical foul in a game against UAB because the official didn't like his reaction a call. But actually he wasn't reacting to the call, he was passing out, due to a heart condition. Even after he was taken off the court on a stretcher the refs refused to rescind the technical. Conference USA later apologized.

No joke here, the man almost died and the officials still Teed him up.  That's like Rasheed Wallace treatment.

Daren Lynch's Fiesta Bowl Sign

We've previously told you about the relationship between Ohio State linebacker AJ Hawk and Laura Quinn, the sister of Notre Dame quarterback, Brady Quinn. Judging from this sign Hawk and Quinn have taken it to the next level. Long faced children are only one Durex condom away. Ask Peyton Manning, protection issues suck.

We still prefer this JJ Redick sign.
And this one is funnier too.

I can hear William Hung singing aj bangs, aj bangs

What Did Stacy Keibler Wear?

In case you were watching WebJunk20 at Bill's house you may have missed Stacy Keibler on Dancing with the Stars. Her outfit was so disappointing it only merits one picture. But Master P looked tight...and he survived another week.

Who the hell told her it was a good idea to go with the orthodox jewish woman look?
I got the hookup, tango if you hear me

First Round Results

The second round of the Hottest Athlete's Significant Other Contest is underway.
No major surprises in the first round. The biggest upset was Columbus Blue Jackets defenseman Cale Hulse and Playmate/actress Gena Lee Nolin knocking off two-time Super Bowl MVP quarterback Tom Brady and actress Bridget Moynahan by a hair (or an interception returned for 100 yards) -- 52 to 48 percent.
I was also surprised that former New York Mets pitcher Kris Benson and former stripper Anna Benson were upset by soon-to-be retired MLB pitcher Scott Erickson and sportscaster Lisa Guerrero -- 64 to 36 percent.
In news that will trouble Derek, a late rally by Utah Jazz forward Memhet Okur and former Miss Turkey Yeliz Caliskan failed to unseat mostly minor-league baseball pitcher Casey Daigle and softball pitcher Jennie Finch from the tournament -- 51 to 49 percent. But all that matters is that she held on.
Speaking of Derek, he got 13 of 16 matchups correct (I know he wasn't predicting, just offering his take).
Check out the captions for more info.
Destroyed Holly Robinson to set up a tough 8-9 game against Eva Longoria
Had a tough time with Posh Spice but she is wearing the hell out of that red dress
Trounced LaLa, 97-3, sets up a match with Jamie Sale

Simmons Will Have a Field Day With This

Isiah Thomas is a foul-mouthed, slobbering harasser who propositioned the Knicks' former top marketing exec for sex — and even plotted to lure opposing teams to boozy strip joints to throw off their games, an explosive new lawsuit charges.
"I know you think I'm inappropriate, but I'm in love with you," Knick President Thomas allegedly told then-Vice President Anucha Browne Sanders, according to her suit.
"Contrary to Thomas' carefully cultivated public persona, he is capable of abhorrent behavior in private," alleges the lawsuit, which formally charges sex discrimination and then retaliation after Sanders complained and was fired.
"Sexual advances" quickly followed, as Thomas, a married father of two began "repeatedly professing his love for [Sanders], making comments about her physical appearance and suggesting that they go 'offsite' together, a thinly veiled solicitation for sex," the suit says.
Thomas' lawyers quickly denied the allegations as "a blatant and cynical attempt . . . to get a large sum of money from Madison Square Garden by exploiting the celebrity status of our client.
"While still employed, she demanded from the Garden as a condition of her departure a payment of $6 million, which is more than 20 years of her salary."
A well-placed source said that earlier this month, "[Sanders'] lawyer came to the Garden and said, 'I know how this problem can go away. Six million dollars' — that's what they wanted.
"The Garden said absolutely not, and they fired her."
In October 2004, "a female employee of the Knicks told Sanders that Thomas had instructed her to flirt with certain men connected to the game and make them happy," her suit alleges.
Then early last year, "Thomas told [her] he was pushing to get more Sunday noon games on the schedule," the lawsuit says.
"Thomas said he was working with the concierges of the hotels frequented by the visiting teams to have the concierges direct players to certain nightclubs — including strip clubs — that Thomas had established relationships with.
"Thomas said that his plan was to induce visiting players to go to these clubs on Saturday night and get them intoxicated so that they would not be prepared to play on Sunday," she says in the suit.
The suit says that only a week after Sanders left work voluntarily before her firing, Thomas "hugged her and tried to kiss her."
Amid her griping, the 44-year-old Thomas vacillated between blasting her as a "f- - -ing bitch" and continuing to issue suggestive come-ons to her, the suit charges.
Sanders says Thomas became so incensed over her blatant rejections that he turned many of the Knicks' players against her as she tried to market the franchise.
She claims that team superstar Stephon Marbury would routinely blast her as "that black bitch.
"F- - - that black bitch, she thinks she runs the Knicks, but she don't run sh- -!" she quotes Marbury as spouting off.

The Post describes her as statuesque and attractive
I don't think she looks any better in this one

Turtle to Get Laid

Jerry Ferrara -- Turtle on Entourage -- is a huge Knicks fan. He visited the Knicks locker room after a game a couple weeks ago to find that Eddy Curry and Stephon Marbury are big fans of the show.
Curry told him, "they need to make sure you get some of the pretty girls this season. You usually get stuck driving the guys around in the Hummer."
Turtle told him to talk to his boss about that then handed Curry his cellphone and he chatted with one of the producers.

Turtle loves fellow little guy Nate Robinson
fuck you Drama

Chris Penn Dead

He learned how to dance from Kevin Bacon in a barn. He said one of my favorite lines ever, in Reservoir Dogs (If you fucking beat this prick long enough, he'll tell you he started the goddamn Chicago fire, now that don't necessarily make it fucking so!). He boxed with Johnny Drama. He survived growing up with his douchebag brother Sean. Now actor Chris Penn is dead.

Actor Chris Penn, brother of Sean Penn, was found dead Tuesday at a Santa Monica residence, police said. Santa Monica police discovered the actor's body around 4 p.m., Lt. Frank Fabrega said.
"The Penn family would appreciate the media's respect of their privacy during this difficult time," Mara Buxbaum, Sean Penn's publicist, said in a statement.
Penn's credits included "Mulholland Falls," "Rumble Fish," "All the Right Moves," "Footloose" and "Rush Hour." He also played Nice Guy Eddie Cabot in the 1992 Quentin Tarantino crime drama "Reservoir Dogs."
His late father, Leo Penn, directed television shows, his mother, Eileen Ryan, is an actress whose credits include "I Am Sam," "Magnolia" and "Parenthood," and his brother is musician Michael Penn.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Fun Game for Charity

Refs had to end the last game of Saturday's Youth Football Classic at Dolphins Stadium early -- after a fight broke out. Rap stars Luther Campbell & Snoop Dog joined other rappers-turned-coaches to raise money for charity.

Unfortunately, Snoop's team & Luke's team started skirmishing on the field. Refs were forced to break up the fight & they eventually decided call to the game.

Interesting Sitcom Idea

Some of you may recall fondly the blog Suns 12th man Paul Shirley wrote last season. He also writes one for this year.
Fox has decided to create a sitcom based on his life as a benchwarmer.

Don't worry if you don't recognize this man, he played like 12 minutes last year and tried not to injure Amare in practice